Y13 D188

Had a decent group yesterday. I finally get a good group of people and I'm only with them a half day. I think I said the same thing when I did a half day last week to the same company. Story of my life. Today I have a full day with a different group, let's hope they're half as engaged as yesterday's. Did some other catch up work but pretty much wrapped up around 3. Played some video games, made dinner, and worked on one of those diamond image things. You know the things with little plastic dots you fill in the image like a color by numbers. I've always wanted to try one and B has done them before so they helped me out. That was about it for the day. Few more Xmas present coming today, teach, and go to bed. I hear snow trucks outside. It did snow more overnight. Not a huge amount but enough that it might delay my mail or packages. They get very bitchy when it snows even a little bit. Well, USPS and UPS do. Amazon just trudges through it. Good or bad, they deliver. I think that's everything right now. 5 hours until class starts. Whee.

Y13 D187

Another week begins.

Thanks to the snow we didn't go anywhere yesterday. Even though our snow guy did come and plow at some point. When I looked out the window yesterday we were the only driveway and walkway cleared. Suck it people. This is why I pay. I already said that yesterday, didn't I? This is what my life consists of so sorry if I am duplicating shit. I get very confused. 

Tackled a big project yesterday. I completely cleaned the cat litter area. Like took out everything, ripped up the old pee smelling tiles, cleaned the floor with bleach and cat smelly stuff. Of course it did nothing and the fucking cat still peed on the floor. Fucker. She goes to the doctor next week and they better find something wrong or this cat is going to get it. I am tired of dealing with this every morning.

Made chicken and veggies for dinner. Played video games together. Went to bed. Class this morning.

Y13 D186

And this my friends is why I pay to have my yard take care of in the winter. Yesterday morning it started snowing at around 9am and never stopped. There is a good 6-8" of snow outside and guess whose driveway and walkway are already cleared? Mine bitches. I have no idea when he came, but it's done. It's nice to wake up to being the only one on the block where the shit is already cleaned. Worth every penny for sure. Just finished putting up the storm door and putting away the screen. That will help keep things warm in here. I just checked the forecast and we will get a little more snow today and tomorrow but that will be it for the week. Should melt off by Friday.

Yesterday I went to the grocery store, cleaned the house, rewired all the consoles in the basement to be hooked up to the tv versus the projector, had a friend come over for dinner, chilled out, played video games, went to bed. It's Steam sale time and I got five or six "new" games. Marvel's Avengers, Biomutant, Valheim, Hired Gun, and some older random stuff. That will keep me busy for a while I hope. 

Nothing planned for today other than the shit I've already taken care of upstairs. Need to replace the tape and glue on my head. That's it for plans. I have three days of teaching next week. Two 10:30-6:30 days, and one day with a webinar. Otherwise it should be a fairly uneventful week. Some Christmas presents still set to arrive. I did some more shopping yesterday. Gifts for a friend and gifts for the kid. I am done as far as I am concerned. Just need everything to arrive in time.

Y13 D185

Christmas is all set up. Tree is up. Decorations are up. A number of presents are wrapped and under said tree. That took a good chunk of my day yesterday. But it was worth it.

Watched the new Dune last night. Wow. Very well done. Do I miss the cheesiness of Lynch's version? Sure, but wow was this one just much closer to the books, extremely well acted, and just a good movie overall. Even someone who has no idea what "the sleeper has awoken" means could jump in and enjoy this series. Dune has become accessible to the masses. 

Going to the grocery store. Paid bills yesterday and have no money left, but hey, we need food.

Y13 D184

It's Friday. It's payday so it's bill day. Whee. At least it's a damn day off. Small comfort.

We went to B's grandparent's house. God what a joy that was. "Come over at 2 for dinner!". 2?? That's not fucking dinner people. Oh it's not ready yet. Eat at 4. Son of a... Seriously. We sat there for almost 2 hours waiting. We had other shit to do. We had to go to B's cousins for the cats. I was so exhausted by the time we got home at 7 and then we still had to do feeds. Ugh.

You know what I am doing today? Not a goddamn thing thank you very much. Happy friday to me.

Y13 D183

 Finally a day that was how it's supposed to be. You see, yesterday is the day where the company knows that you know that they know that no one is doing jack shit. You do some stuff in the morning, but the afternoon is a nope. Which is exactly how yesterday went down for me. Perfect. I spent the morning working on a marketing presentation and not much else. 

B got a wild hair up her but around 3pm. We ended up moving the TV downstairs into the basement as well as rearranging the couch and other stuff down there. We now look like the kind of people who don't have a tv in their front room. So anti-midwest and I love it. No longer the focal point of the room when you walk in. Instead you will now see just furniture. We're going to try it out for a week and see how we like it. I will demount the projector and use it for outdoors in the summer time. I really wanted to like having a projector but it honestly just turned out to be more work than pleasure. Not to mention, the picture quality on the TV is better (4k versus 1080). It's only 65" which feels small in the area, but if we like being downstairs, we might look at a 75" for the space. Best Buy has one for $750 that would work. 

I went to group and was the only one. There were supposed to be 5 of us, but the one couple had child issues so there's two gone, one had car trouble, and the final just didn't show. Oh well. Me and my therapist did a mini-session since we aren't seeing each other Friday. I told her all about the work meeting. I was glad I didn't have to wait to tell her because I would have forgotten parts. So it worked out in my favor.

Came back and watched Venom 2. It wasn't as bad as people made it out to be. I enjoyed it for what it was. I wish it wasn't PG13 and what the hell was with the end credits scene, but otherwise, enjoyable 90 minutes. 

Today we are going to B's cousin's house to check on their cats, then going to B's grandparents for a social call. Otherwise, it's Christmas 1st and let the decorations begin!

Y13 D182

Well, it finally came to a boil. I had a meeting with my big boss yesterday and got everything off my chest. Felt good to finally unload all the things I have been dealing with on him. I gave him some food for thought about how I have been treated. He in return has promised to make adjustments. Let's see if he holds up his end of the deal. I doubt it, but at least I have done what I could. 

Had that meeting, delivered a webinar, called it a day. Made chicken for dinner. Watched some tv. B got a new book in the Outlander series so I lost her for most of the day. I am pretty sure she has read the whole thing by now. I wish I could enjoy books like that still. I just don't have the motivation any more. 

Working on one thing today and then packing it in for four days. I need a damn break and finally have the permission to take one.

Y13 D181

I finally get an opportunity to go back onsite somewhere and it just isn't worth it. We have a client wanting to do some training in Australia. BUT they were hoping for a local instructor so they won't do T&E and it's only a three day gig. Not worth it. I am not doing another 36 hours of travel to be onsite somewhere for 72 hours. Plus they have no training facility and I would have to do it from the hotel. I can't believe I have to say no to an Aussie trip, but logically it makes the most sense. Oh well. Here's hoping in 2022 I can have more onsite stuff that really works.

Speaking of training, did a UT group yesterday from 10-3. Not horrible. Good group. Some initial issues with the meeting but I managed to not only keep them on track, but gave them bonus material as a way of making things up to them. Everyone was happy.

Made salmon for dinner then did my christmas shopping. B is done. B's grandparents are done. One of B's friends is done. Everything will be here by 12/1 and I won't have anything to worry about. Nice and nice. I have a meeting today followed by an internal webinar. Only a couple more days and I can have a break. Soon my precious, soon.

Y13 D180

 Oh hey, it's the week I was supposed to get a break. What? No? Well fuck me. Sure, let's have me teach more and more because there's no way I will burn out and want to murder someone. Nope. No way at all that's happening.

Did laundry. Did tanks. Played video games. Cleaned up outside. Made steaks. Went to bed. Not much else in between all that. Cleaned the house. Yeah. That was about it. This morning: work on marketing shit, teach a class. Make it to Thursday. Only goal.

Y13 D179

 I don't like the drugs.
But
the
drugs
like
me...

Norm life baby.
I'm just a sample of a soul made to look like a human being.

Left the house yesterday. A few times. First, the grocery store. Stock was back up a bit. Especially in the produce aisle. I was talking to my produce guy and he said it was only because he got in an hour early and made sure things got out. You go man, I appreciate you.

Then we went to an 80 year old's birthday. I would have had fun if any time I said or did anything I was told I was being embarrassing. So I just quietly sat there. Pretended to wear my human skin and smiled and nodded when interacted with, just like a real person would. 

Not much else to say about that.

Y13 D178

I did it! I made it through 4 days of those damn people. I am free for a whole two days! Let's hear it for capitalism! Whee! I have a class on Monday I have had ZERO time to prepare for and am going into blind, but fuck it, I won't worry about that until Monday morning. Not my issue. For now I am focused on going to the grocery store, doing laundry, and getting ready to go to an 80 year old's birthday party. That's my excitement for the weekend. Living on the edge baby.

Y13 D177

Horrible day, great evening. The class was what it was. I am at wit's end with this group. How hard is it to just type a letter Y when I ask if everyone is okay? It's not rocket science people. Bah. Last day with this group. I have a few things next week but then I get four days off. Thank fucking god. 

Group last night was excellent. We discussed values and it was a really good lively discussion. We ended up going down a rabbit hole around healthcare and a number of other topics, but it was all definitely worth the time. I am really enjoying going to this every week. It's $20 billed to insurance so you know what? Worth it. In the end I do hope to potentially make a friend or two out of this too. We shall see.

Therapy this morning, then 9 more hours of these students and I get a small respite. I can make it.

Y13 D176

It would appear that the email I sent yesterday morning asking for some common fucking courtesy sparked some sort of shit because now next Tuesday I have a "pre-meeting" around our onsite meeting in December. AND I am the only one invited, not my coworker. So it's me and my two "bosses". They're going to blah blah blah about how we need to all work as a team and how the hours are what they are, etc. I am going to sit quietly and plan my departure. All I can do.

Yesterday's session was the worst. I honestly don't know how I am going to get through the next two days with this group. There are literally 3 out of 16 who are paying attention and should be doing this. The others just need to go away. We didn't finish until 7 on the dot. Tonight none of that bullshit. I'm stopping class by 6:20 so I can go to my shit. My personal life and mental health are much more important than these people. Especially right now. Week after week of this is pushing me to the edge. 

Didn't do shit otherwise yesterday because there was no time to do shit. December can't come soon enough for me. I have to poop.

Y13 D175

So today is Wednesday, right? I wake up to a fucking calendar entry for MONDAY for a class next week again with this 10:30-6:30 bullshit. NO advance notice, no fucking warning, nothing. All I am asking for is some advance fucking notice. Not three days before finding out randomly that a fucking class has been added. No details, no nothing. For all they knew I might have had plans after 6pm on that day. It is not unreasonable for me to make life plans after 6pm when my calendar has been fucking clean for weeks on that day to suddenly find a class. AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME. I fucking found it because of something else. I'm done. I will be making a true concerted effort in 2022 to move on. I know I have said it before, but now I am done. Almost ALL of my classes for Q1 are 10:30 - 6:30 which is such bullshit. Fuck them.

I wish I had something else to discuss, but oh look, I worked 11- fucking 7 yesterday. Did tank stuff with B and collapsed. My life. And it fucking sucks.

Y13 D174

Yesterday was a nice respite before the storm of the rest of this week. Got to catch up on a few things like some testing of one environment, catch up on old emails, and helped a few students whose questions had been sitting. I really needed a day like yesterday. Now of course starts four days of hell with what I anticipate to be an awful group. Bleh.

We took a ride to the dollar store after dinner. B wanted to get some frames to put pics in for people and wasn't about to spend real money. I appreciate that. Plus I enjoyed just getting out of the house. 

We had coconut chicken for dinner. Last dinner we will have together this week. Took the cat to the vet. The one with FLV. She's been really sluggish lately and sneezing. They are going to give us some liquid antibiotics if it isn't better by week end. 

Okay. Let's do this.

Y13 D173

 It snowed yesterday for 9-10 hours. At first it wasn't sticking but about an hour in, it got solid and cold enough for it to stick. I went to the grocery store early, and as I was leaving it just started to rain a bit but by the time I got home, it had turned into snow. Next thing you know, the backyard is getting covered. But by mid-afternoon it was mostly gone. The rest of the week is slated for rain but not enough cold for more snow. It even gets up to 60 on Wednesday. 

Let's see, I went to the grocery store, did a few loads on laundry, general cleaning, vac sealed meat from the store, tank stuff, and that's about it. I finally had a day where I didn't do much. I know my not much is some people's entire agenda for two days, but whatever. It is what it is. I got some stuff done without feeling too overwhelmed by it. Talked with the kid, talked with my friend whose living room is completely torn apart thanks to mold, and talked with my sister who is sending me wedding pics.

Another week of 11-7 but thankfully it's only Tues - Thurs this week. I get today to recharge before dealing with an entire group of indian contractors. I am not looking forward to this week. But to be fair, when am I ever? Hm. Maybe that's a sign.

Y13 D172

Up early to go to grocery store. Yes, on a Sunday. I taught on Friday and wasn't in the mood to do it then, yesterday I had a hair appointment and got up early to dye my under hair, so that leaves today. Technically I could go tomorrow and have slept in this morning, but we're out of a few things. Hopefully I will be able to find everything at the store. Let's see how stock levels are doing today. 

So I got up early yesterday, took a quick shower, then I dyed my hair. At around 10 I went off to my appointment. NEW HAIR! WOO! I am so happy. Amazing how much hair you lose over three months and the difference in this new one. Plus we changed up my cut to frame my face better and moved my part. Much happy. 

My niece got married yesterday. I was getting real time updates from both my sister and the kid. Looks like everyone had a great time. I am sorry I wasn't there, but I am not sorry because I didn't have to see certain people. It would have been more stressful than enjoyable being around them. 

Spent the majority of the day inside playing video games. It was cold and windy yesterday, threatening to storm at any moment. There's talk of snow in the forecast today. I need to be careful this morning as there's probably ice on the roads. Welcome to winter in the midwest.

Made steaks for dinner, watched some tv. I intentionally tried to stay out of my office yesterday. I spent enough time in here last week and will spend too much in here this week. So yeah, I wanted to avoid this space. Felt good being upstairs even if it was not doing much.

Okay, off to the store.

Y13 D171

 Been up for an hour. Have shit to do today. Have a hair appointment at 11am, have to go to the bank before, had to touch up my under hair. Dishes. Laundry started. All before 6am. Fuck people who sleep in until noon. You all piss me off.

Finished day 4 of class. Finished around 6:45. Had therapy in the morning. Starting to deal with how much I just *love* living here. Getting to the root of issues. Childhood trauma at some point. You know, the fun stuff. Why for example at 53 years old do I still have horrible nightmares about my stepfather? Good times.

Niece is getting married today. I wish I was there but alas it's not to be. The kid is though and will be taking pics for me. Okay, more shit needing to get done.

Y13 D170

Still here. Still alive. Still functioning. Not much more than that though. 

Y13 D169

 No difference from yesterday. Same group, same shit. Didn't finish until 7 on the dot. Ugh almost there. Almost done with this shit. I feel like I am saying the same thing year after year, aren't I? Especially this time of year. I'm literally just trying to "make it through". Work shouldn't be that way. I shouldn't dread spending the day doing stuff. I know, it's "work" and it's not supposed to be fun, blah blah blah. But there has to be a way of earning money without sucking one's soul dry. Isn't there? Bah, who am I kidding. Workin' in a coal mine...

Not much else to report. Took B to the chiro before class started. Did tank stuff and feeds after class. Went to bed shortly thereafter. I am supposed to have group tonight but I already know I will be late. I am going to try and stop class as near to 6:30 as possible to miss as little of group as possible. We shall see how it goes.

Y13 D168

I really dislike this group. I have 16 students, two are actually being communicative, one thinks he's the instructor, and the rest are just dead to the world. This is our first one using Zoom and I hate it. So much clunkier than GTM ever was. Nobody listens to me. Zoom is meant for VIDEO MEETINGS not the kind of stuff we do. Just so un-intuitive. Whatever. I just drive the truck.

Spent all day. Ate some food. Watched one tv show, played animal crossing. Went to bed. Expect more the same high octane excitement all week. It's going to be so much woo.

Y13 D167

 Taught. But only a half day. 11:30 - 3. Was acceptable. Took B to grocery store after. 2 hours later got back home and make dinner. Baked chicken with some fresh green beans. Quite tasty. Did water changes and feeds. Played some video games, went to bed.

Four days of 11-7 begin today. I was doing some research yesterday for my presentation to my boss in December. Looking up cost of living increases over the last three years. The one that shocked me the most? Gas prices went from an average of $1.99 to $3.42 here in MI. Almost a 100% increase. House taxes went up 8% state wide. Heating and cooling costs up 15%. Now I have data to back up my claims that shit is getting more expensive. Data is the ultimate argument for people like us.

Starting to adapt to the time change. Not well, but starting to adapt. Couple more days and I will be fine.

Y13 D166

 Upside to this time of year: I wake up and the clock says it's only three something and I can go back to sleep for a little while. Downside to this time of year: clock says 9:30pm and I am ready for bed. Can't win.

Didn't leave the house yesterday. Stayed in and stayed upstairs all day. Avoided being in this 10x10 room all day. It gets to you after a while. I am a minimum security prisoner of my own device. I can leave the room for short periods, but spend 10-12 hours a day in here. It wears on your soul, believe me. Now I get two straight weeks of being in here. 11-7. I may miss group for two weeks. Not happy about that. 

Y13 D165

Patrick Bateman
Dexter Morgan
Tyler Durden

My mask of sanity is slipping.
If I had a heart, it'd be breaking right now.
I am Jack's wasted life.

Farewell DST for another year. Some day we will bury you. 

Y13 D164

 Praise be I actually slept in. Until almost 8am!! Of course we set the clocks back tonight so that would have only been 7am. But you know what? I will take what I can get for sure. At the same time I feel like I have missed out on part of the day already. The catch, isn't it? I've gotten so used to being up early, I don't know what to do and feel anxious when I get up "late". Stupid me.

I wish I had something of any importance to relate, but I don't. I taught all day, dealt with stupid emails, made dinner, collapsed. There it is. Until we get past the next two weeks, that's my life. It is what it is.

Y13 D163

Taught all day. REALLY shitty group. I'm sorry but they were. They were behind, doing other stuff, crappy machines, and worst of all, not communicating. That's the nail in the coffin for me. Just made the whole day drag as a result. So annoying. Finished up right at 5, ate some food, and went off to group. 

Good group session. We discussed boundaries this week. Interesting stuff coming from everyone. Especially to see how different people handle different things. 

Came back home, helped B with tank stuff. B was in a weepy clingy mood last night which ugh. I am having a hard enough time being cooped up and teaching that having her be needy on top of things was not cool.

Therapy this morning then another class from 11:30 - 3:30. Next week is another full five days of 11-7. Joy.

Oh I finally am getting paid a bonus! From July! For $160. Kiss my fucking ass. 

Y13 D162

 I swear to god this week has me so confused. With different start times every day I am just all over the place trying to figure out what day it is, how much time I have, when is lunch, etc. I can't fucking keep doing this. It's driving me crazy. To make matters worse, I am teaching three completely different products this week. I am confusing my self and saying the wrong things because I can't remember which tool I am working in at any given moment. Oh sure you can do that. Oh no wait, that's the other tool. Ugh. Two more fucking days of this.

Yesterday went until 6:30. Our friend came over for a visit. We ordered pizza and socialized. Went to bed pretty much right after they left. Not much else to be done.

Tonight is group. Teaching until 5 and will have an hour after to get to group. Plenty of time for once. Yay me.

Y13 D161

Slept in a little later this morning than I have so far this week. But not much. Had really weird dreams that I can remember. Just some odd shit. Like I was driving down a street but there was a shooting contest going on in the street. Like air rifles and targets. Just strange shit.

Taught. Same group as Monday. Have two more sessions with that group, one on Friday, the next on Monday. In between, I have two different groups. Do you know how hard it is teaching three different products that all do the same thing in one week? I can't keep track of shit. Whatever.

Made lamb burgers for dinner. Watched tv. Did water changes and feeds, went to bed. Same shit, different multi-verse.

Y13 D160

 I'm doing okay this morning. Not like stellar, but okay. I slept pretty solidly last night. Had very interesting dreams. Just weird random shit. I don't remember most of it, but the parts that are lingering are alright. 

Went to the grocery store in the morning. Man oh man, the shelves are bare. I bought toilet paper because why not, but more scary was the aisle after aisle of limited numbers. Four per person on many things like pasta, canned foods, cereals. I don't know what kind of apocalypse is coming this winter, but it's going to suck balls.

I taught in the morning/afternoon. An internal group which was a nice change of pace. I didn't have to explain certain underlying concepts of the technology as they understand those already. Made the pace and the feel different. It was also my first attempt at using Zoom instead of Goto Meeting. Some little quirks and oddities but we did okay. The biggest issue was having a "waiting room". I wasn't expecting that and I thought everyone was late but they were waiting for me to let them in. It forces you to have 1 of 3 types of security which is annoying as shit. It means I have to be paying attention and I don't like that.

After class, did laundry, made dinner, mostly just relaxed. We planned out B's birthday in Feb. We're definitely going to Dollywood. I booked the hotel in TN. The rest I will do as we get closer, but I was able to save 30% by booking those rooms now. Most of the other stuff I have to wait until at least Dec to start booking, but it's one step closer to reality. 

I am 10 days from a new hair piece. Very much looking forward to that. This one is so trashed from the mats it's not even funny. I have bald spots on my bald spots. But I've learned a lot regarding care and maintenance. The next one hopefully will be more solid. Plus, I am going to brown next year. No color, no trashed hair. Just a boring brown. 

Another internal session today, then a private 10:30-6:30 tomorrow, a private 9-5 on Thursday. The days just keep flowing.

Y13 D159

Want to see the bullshit B got me up to yesterday? Here it is:

Yep. Welcome to my life. Yeah they're real. It was disgusting. But I do as I am told. Even if it is nasty. Went over to grandparent's house to get buttons from a couch. I don't know. I just went where I was told. 

Another 5 days straight of training. Weird hours all week. Goal is to make it to December. Just need to survive the next 30 days.

Talked to the kid yesterday. She's doing well. Went to a vampire ball. At least one of us has a life.