Faint scream today. Same as yesterday. Functional levels. Not saying much, but I can handle.
Saturday so did laundry, cleaned, the usual. Made little chickens for dinner. Took dog for walk. It finally started snowing for real. A few inches out there. More today.
Still screaming. Fainter today but still there. All day yesterday.
We tried to go out and have a morning date time. We went to a place we've been before but something changed. The service was awful, the food was horrible. My eggs were rubbery and bland. It was just a bad meal. We had fun, but the food sucked.
I spent the rest of the day on the Cards Against Humanity website. They brought back their 99% off sale. Last time they did this in 2018 they had a car for $97.50. This year it went from 12-9 and they had a lot of junk but some good stuff in between. If you wanted an item you clicked it then you had to answer via a captcha questions about that item. For example, click all the pictures of ports on this TV. You had a time limit and guess limit. Some were easy (like the TV) others required major googling. If you answered the captcha right, you got put into a pool for random draw. Sadly, I did not win anything but I tried for:
There were a couple more things but nothing exciting. It was fun trying but sadly no wins. Oh well. We watched some tv, had leftovers for dinner. Played games together and went to bed around 9:30. C works today but is off Sunday. Less than a week until her birthday!!
Ah the screaming is back. I was doing so well too. Sigh.
We had a quiet day. Went on a walk. Made ham. Watched a movie. Bugonia. Interesting. Went to bed.
Silent. For the most part I was silent all day yesterday. Had about 3 hours of scream but then it went away. The weather is changing and it snowed yesterday. I am feeling this is both sleep and weather related. When the pressure and weather are a certain way, I need more sleep. Plain and simple. I managed to get over 7 hours last night and look at where I am today.
Worked on marketing and webinar stuff. Did some testing of some stuff. Called it a day around 3pm. Made a lamb leg, too cold for doggo walk, but we gave her a good outside time as much as we could and played with her a lot. Four days off. What to do, what to do.
Happy native american slaughter day.
Nice and silent still. I did have about 4 hours yesterday of screaming but it faded away honestly without me even noticing. It was never bad enough that it annoyed me.
Did a bunch of work yesterday. Meetings with HR (nothing important, just end of year stuff), an annoying meeting with marketing which resulted in more work for me today, and then moodle work. But it was nice to be productive to be honest.
Made leftovers for dinner to clean out the fridge. I went to the store around 8:30pm because we needed some staple stuff like cat litter and body wash. I was anxious it would be crowded but pleasantly it was dead as heck. Three cashiers were all standing around when I was ready to check out around 9:15pm. Made me very happy. Got everything I need to last us at least a week including things for C's party on the 5th.
I have therapy this morning, then the marketing stuff, then I am done for four days!!
Silence. Let's see how long it lasts. We're supposed to get serious snow starting this weekend and I am wondering if that will change things for me. I need to get to the store before it snows. Need cat litter and other base supplies. Going to go late tonight when it should be calmer.
Even though this is supposed to be a quiet week, I had a bunch of work. Have meetings galore today. Yippee. But at least this week I look productive even on a short week.
Made soup last night. Loaded baked potato. Was very good. Went on walk with doggo. Watched a movie, Pontypool. Interesting. Went to bed shortly thereafter.
Time to look pretty for meetings.
Head still going. It was mostly faint yesterday but there were a couple of bad moments. When C got home I left the house for a while. I needed to get out. I went to total wine to pick up some stuff for her party on the 5th. I am doing red and white sangrias. I don't want to go anywhere this weekend if I can help it so anything I can do early, I am doing early. I will have to go out next monday for the rest of the ingredients though. But at least I got 45 minutes out of the house. C is sick right now and struggling to go to work. She keeps coming home exhausted and couldn't eat last night. She went to bed at 8:30 and then at 3 she threw all the covers off both of us. That was fun. .Oh and the kid butt dialed me at 11 and woke me up. So yeah not the best night.
Still screaming. Yay.
Didn't do a whole lot yesterday. Did laundry, cleaned, reorganized our soda. We have way too much right now. Both of us took advantage of sales and got some 12 packs a while back. We're still going through it all. I moved it into a cabinet so it was out of the way finally. That was my big accomplishment. We had pizza for dinner that I picked up at the store on Friday. Supplemented it with a salad from the place next to C's work. Took dog for walk. Went to bed.
Back to screaming. Started around 5pm last night out of nowhere. We had just come back from a walk, I sat down and boom. This is loud too. Was in my dreams. Fucking hate this. I had 41 hours of peace.
Took dog to groomer, went to the store while I waited, had a work meeting, did some prep for upcoming classes, made butter chicken for dinner, long dog walk, watched Pluribus, went to bed.
Another glorious day of silence so far. I really would like three in a row. Give me the hat trick baby. Of course I did once again go to bed by 9:30, up at 5. A minimum of 7 hours of good sleep is seeming to be the key.
Taught again. Long day. Good group. Finished at 3:30, took dog for walk, made sloppy joe's for dinner, watched some tv, went to the store, went to bed. I did buy enough at the store that I shouldn't have to go next week. That was the goal. Do not leave the house next thursday or friday. I am hoping I pulled it off. I also got C's birthday gifts handled. I paid for her car reg and a gift card for clothes. I know it's a bit impersonal but it is what she wants and needs.
This morning I am taking knucklehead to the groomers, then a meeting, then I am done. Dentist on Monday sadly. Having tooth pain again.
Silence this morning. Blessed be me. I did have to go to bed at 9:15 since I was up again at 5 but if the trade off is I get 24 hours of silence, so be it. Yesterday was rough because of the screaming and having to teach. I pushed it as far down as I could, but it sucked. Class was good. We finished around 3:30, took the dog for a walk, then we had pork tacos for dinner. Watched a documentary, played some games, and oh look, bed time. One more day of this.
Screaming is back. Of course it is. I have to teach the next two days. Not surprised though. I slept poorly last night. Was stressed about waking up on time and kept waking up every two hours fearing I was oversleeping. Plus C has to be to work at 6 this week so we're both up early.
Worked on random stuff and prepped for today. Did laundry. Dog walk. Bed early.
Silent this morning. Suprised to be honest since my sleep was all over the place. Weird dreams, multiple wake ups. But hey, I will take it.
Prepped for my classes this week. Did some more networking. Went for walk. Had electrician come by to give me a quote on running a cable from upstairs to downstairs. C made dinner last night, quesadillas. Watched a movie. Went to bed early as she is working at 6am all this week.
Back to screaming. The weather took a dramatic turn and I didn't sleep well so I am not horribly suprised. Annoyed, yes, surprised, no. It's pretty bad this morning though. It's going to be a long day.
We did a big project yesterday. We emptied the fridge, cleaned the shelves and inside, threw out all the old stuff, and reorganized. Very satisfying task. Happy with the results. Can actually find things now. We went on a walk. Watched some tv. Played games together. Overall a nice day minus my head.
More silence, lots of sleep. They go hand in hand.
Not a bad day. Cleaned, did laundry, took dog for walk. Had friend over for dinner and a movie. We watched a mid horror movie but then we introduced him to Pluribus. Had shawarma for dinner. Made root beer floats. Was a fun night.
Nothing planned for today.
Silence. Nice.
Did more networking, renewed my PL-300 certification. Got a 92%. Higher than original. Made a pork butt and sandwiches for dinner. Went on walk. Played games. Watched Pluribus.
Day two of screaming.
Had a very productive day despite my head. I started down the path of looking for something new by doing some networking. Expanded my linkedin profile from 6 to 23. Now have four CEOs in there. Had a phone call with one who in turn is going to put me in touch with another. I am scheduling a call with a former colleague turned VC. The simple truth is that at my point in my career and position desired, I am not going to find anything by blindly submitting resumes. It's going to be through networking. I am laying groundwork now and it will bear fruit in the new year.
Made fish and chips for dinner. Went to the store. Did laundry. Put up the winter glass door. Have to retake my PL-300 today.
Back to screaming. I didn't sleep well. Tossed and turned. Tried going back to sleep but failed. Now I have to deal with this all day.
Had meetings, sat through some MS preentations, made pork tenderloin for dinner, went on walk.
Silence. Why? Sleep. All of my research, all of my data, all of my observations lead me to one thing and one thing only - sleep. If I get insufficient sleep, I get scream. My body telling me I need to sleep more. Okay, you win.
Worked yesterday, had leftovers. C's mom was in town to help with wedding stuff and came over last night for a visit. She brought her new dog so buttface got to play and have fun. He is the same breed as her just tiny and they got along well. We watched a little tv and went to bed at a good time.
Have some Microsoft stuff to sit through today but otherwise, nothing urgent.
Day two of back to screaming. Full 24 hours yesterday. Just lovely.
Had friends over for dinner last night. Was very nice. Sat and talked until almost 10pm. Made loco moco for everyone. Spam musubi too. Was very pleased at how everything came out. But I was wound up when they left and didn't go to bed until midnight. Part of why head is screaming I am afraid.
A miracle happened. I had a full two days of silence. 50 hours to be exact. I mean it's back and worse than ever, but dear god did I enjoy the last two days. Best two days I've had in a long time.
We had a date night last night. It was really nice. We got dressed up and went out to a fancy Chinese place near us. Like walking distance to us which was a bit silly but it was still fun. The food was good, no phones, just us. It snowed all day too which gave everything a nice romantic glow. I enjoyed it. Probably why my head was quiet. Now of course is meaningless work week so it's back.
Taking dog back to vet this morning. Hopefully nothing will show and we will move on from the great grape incident of 2025.
Day two of silence. Maybe with the weather changing I am through it? Especially since I am making myself sleep more too? Let's see if I can go all day. This will be a record.
Had hair appointment yesterday. Made tuna for dinner. Took dog for walk. Watched episode 2 of Pluribus. GREAT show. Played some games. Cleaned house. We're having company tomorrow so more cleaning and laundry today. It is snowing outside.
We had some serious drama yesterday. Fucking dog ate a grape. I had to get her to the vet where they induced vomiting. Didn't come up so they gave her meds and now I have to watch her all weekend. So scared the whole time. I had a major panic attack, made C come home from work, $300 for a fucking grape.
On top of that the dishwasher guy charged me $165 for 15 minutes of work. All he did was clean out the blades and water outlet spouts. I mean he saved me from buying a new dishwasher but fuck that was expensive for the time spent.
Finally some silence in my head.
Scream.
Too much going on today. I have dishwasher guy coming between 8-11, have bills to pay, have to get C out the door, meetings right after all that. Losing my fucking mind.
"Worked", made dinner, dog walk, bed.
Still screaming.
So it's official. Unless a miracle happens in the next 2-3 months I will be out of a job come the new year. This isn't a me thing, it's a company thing. The CEO had to transfer money from his own personal accounts to cover payroll this week. This was partially due to the government shutdown. We have a number of government contracts that simply can't pay right now. But overall our business is down to the point where we can't sustain. We discussed exit strategies in our meeting yesterday. We all agreed to get through the end of the year, reconvene in Jan, make an exit strategy. I will start looking this week. I am stressed but also happy? It's past the time I should have left anyway. Time for me to do something new. Welcome to the next chapter.
Actually left the house last night. C needs something to wear to her sister's wedding next month. Technically so do I but I can figure something out easier than she can. Regardless, we went to the mall when she got home from work. We saw some things and she will go back to try stuff on, but at least we left the house.
Today I have big boss meeting. Will find out my future today. Head screaming, what a shock.
Screamer today. Screamer yesterday.
Laundry. Two dog walks. Salmon for dinner. Cleaned house. Wrapped presents. Nothing else.
One day of silence is better than zero I guess. Back to screaming. Joy.
Didn't do shit yesterday. Cleaned. Ordered Xmas presents. Did laundry. Watched a movie. Took dog for two walks. Went to bed.
Mostly silent today. Just a little around the edges. Yesterday was a screamer with a brief 2 hours of silence.
I had both therapy and a doc appt yesterday. Both are in agreement the lexapro isn't doing shit and I should come off. I am tapering off this week. By this time next week I will be back to "normal". Hopefully this will help with some of the apathy I have been feeling. We shall see.
Worked, had a meeting, made chicken enchildas for dinner. We had ZERO kids come to the door. Like none at all. We watched Charlie Brown and then a movie. This was one of the rare times we were divided on a movie. I enjoyed the hell out of it. C not so much. She has an issue with CGI but in this case I thought it fit and didn't overshadow the movie. For those curious, we watched Cabin in the Woods. I though they did an excellent job of taking a tried and true trope and turning it sideways. I recommend.
After we played games and went off to bed. Nothing planned for today except some cleaning. C has her work party which I am not going to. She doesn't want to go either but will make an appearance and come home. Otherwise, nothing else this weekend planned.
