ANA Y3 D4

It's friday. I have to go to the store. Have to get in the shower in 20 minutes. I teach at 9:30. Whee. So many things so little time. Gave my presentation yesterday. Dealt with some IT issues. Made ravioli for dinner. One more day and I get new hair. THAT is what I am looking forward to right now. Nothing more. 34 felony convictions for the cheeto. Won't change anything but it was a nice moment.

ANA Y3 D3

Cranked out a presentation yesterday that I have to give today. I didn't intend for it to be done so last minute this was just the only time I had to do it. We will see today how it goes. Luckily the first presentation is internal. If it blows up, it blows up in front of coworkers only. All who know I have been busy as heck. C closed and I had leftovers for dinner. But now she has three days in a row off. This is going to be good for her. Still think she needs a new job but that's a different story. Not much else going on right now. Weather has been acceptable. Cooler, a little rain, but overall not bad. It won't last sadly but it's been nice.

ANA Y3 D2

This year is off to a very boring start. I worked on demos for a presentation tomorrow, spent hours in our litmos system, and played catch up with emails. I don't like the day after a holiday because everyone is catching up and you get too many replies from too many people. But I got through the day. Made indian food for dinner, watched the new South park movie, played some games, went to bed. Nothing exciting at all. More of the same today. Three more days and it's hair day. THAT I am looking forward to.

ANA Y3 D1

Welcome to year 15. Another year of endless possibilities. Another year of the same shit different day. 

I didn't do much of anything yesterday. Cleaned a bit. C worked again. Meh. So far this new year is a lot like the old one. What a shock.

ANA Y2 D366

Here we are gentle readers, the end of another year. For 14 years I have been writing this. Longer than my last marriage. Longer than any pet or person has really been in my life save a small handful of few who have been here since the start. To watch this crazy journey of redemption, failure, diversity, oh who the fuck am I kidding. 14 years of banal musings from the mind of a mad person. Let's just call it what it is. The trite daily existence of a small person on a big blue marble. But some day, someone might read this and get some insight into what my life has all been about. Some day. What have we accomplished in the last year? Let's see. No big cross country trips. But we did got to Traverse for the cherry festival. We went to Tennessee. My octopus tattoo. New one in a few weeks. We went to Grand Rapids twice. Once for our anniversary then again for New Years. Anniversary was fun, new years not so much. Got to spend Christmas with C's family and felt included which was nice. Had a good year with an actual partner who treats me with kidness and respect. Had multiple dinner parties. Painted rooms in the house. Went to Death Grips and Fat Rascal. Did two onsites with clients. That was a huge milestone and step forward for me. To actually go onsite to clients. Started showing myself more on camera to clients. I will take that as a big win in the last year for sure. Built my cloest room. Which I worked on yesterday too with a little furniture rearranging. We got the 3D printer and learned how to make our own stuff which includes a label tape dispenser for the kitchen which we made yesterday. Went to the car show and got disappointed. Still not divorced. Got to take care of that sooner rather than later. Oh duh, got a new car in December. That was a pretty big milestone. Celebrated C's birthday. Dyed my hair a few times. Saw a full solar eclipse. Watched the world fall farther apart and get even more divided. A busy year for sure.

It's raining outside right now. Been raining for hours. Supposed to keep raining for a few more hours and then taper off until tomorrow. I feel for all the people who had lake weekend plans. At least no plans got ruined for us. C has worked every day this weekend and will be working today too. We made homemade pizza last night with a new flour blend. It worked pretty darn well to be honest. Thin crust but it cooked nicely and made for a good flatbread style pizza. I think next time I will add a little more yeast, a little more water, and a little more flour. We had just enough to make two, but not enough to make me happy. I can hear the rain slowing down outside. Very zen. Also shows me I need to order a ladder so I can get on the roof and clean my gutters. That's what each year is about now. No crazy stories. No wild nights drunken and passed out on the streets. Nope. It's about cleaning my gutters and trying to live my best life. I am hoping the next year sees surgeries and further movement on that front. It would be nice to finally cross the last hurdle and get something taken care of down there. Plus get divorced, again. Who knows what else this next year has in store for me. At least it will be an adventure.

ANA Y2 D365

Normally this would be the end, but it's a leap year, so the end comes tomorrow. One more day kids.

Yesterday was okay. C ended up going to work as they had a bunch of call ins. Gee, holiday weekend, nice weather, what a shock. But because she felt bad for calling in Friday, she went. 12-4 to help fill in the gaps. The upside is they all got to see she was sick on Friday and not lying. Sweet revenge that way. Otherwise, not much going on. I mowed in the morning before it got hot. Played video games. Made chicken florentine crepes for dinner. We made pizza dough before bed to let it have 24 hours to rise. That's tonight's fun. Need to do laundry today. I slept for like 2 hours yesterday because I needed it. Bad. Not much else going on this holiday weekend.

ANA Y2 D364

Well I made it through the week. Wasn't sure a couple of times if I would, but here we are. Thank goodness. Yesterday was like pulling teeth to get the group excited. It's amazing to me how different two groups from the same company can be. The first group was motivated, excited, and interested in learning. The second group was nothing but grumbling and complaining. I know my being sick didn't help things, but I still gave it my all and did the best I could. 

After class we went over and saw our friend who we haven't seen in a while. He has been hiding from us just how bad his car is. He really shouldn't even be driving to work let alone to us. We had dinner, played video games, and caught up. It was a nice evening. We got home around 11:45 and went to bed.

Today is mowing day and that's the only plans.

ANA Y2 D363

I am turning the corner. God bless that giant fucking Q. I was awful yesterday. I almost passed out in the kitchen doing dishes last night that's how bad it got. I managed to barely make it through class. This cold is kicking my ass. But I am pushing through. I will survive dammit. One more day of teaching and I get three days to myself. But first, bills.

ANA Y2 D362

Well, this is definitely a full blown summer cold. Woke up this morning with my eyes shut together. My throat is killing me. I couldn't breathe all night. Yesterday was hell teaching. I was cloudy all day. Made dumb mistakes. It was not fun. But I got through it. Sadly I have to do it again today and tomorrow. Hopefully it will be better this time around. Made some pasta for dinner. Poor C is feeling as awful as I am. She managed to get through work, barely. We both need a day of rest. But that won't be today.

ANA Y2 D361

Not sure if for the first time in my life I am experiencing allergies, or if I have a summer cold. Regardless, yesterday I was miserable. Spent the whole day sneezing, unable to breathe, in a fog. Doing slightly better today, but not much. I ordered a house purifier yesterday as well as a replacement furnace filter. Hoping those two things will help with the overall dust and particles in the house. It's high 80s outside the last couple of days with nasty humidity. Better than being cold, yes, but the air outside sucks. Which means we have to run AC which means dust is floating around. Hence the filter and purifier. The purifier will be here this morning, the filter later in the day. Both should help. 

Taught all day. Went until about 4:30. This is one of those classes where if it is a good group, it goes fast. Bad group and it takes all day. I am worried I will finish way too early today but I have some extra material if that happens. Always be prepared. Neither of us was in the mood to cook last night and we ended up doing poke bowls. Good choice. Mostly we moaned and groaned all night. We did get to bed by 10pm since neither of us slept well the night before. Poor C has to work tonight. We will see how that goes for her. I just have to get through the week of teaching and then we get a three day weekend.

ANA Y2 D360

Horrible night for both of us. Neither of us can breathe right now. Headache. Tried the window open and AC off and that was worse. Fuck. I have to teach and feel like shit.

Did catch up stuff yesterday. Made burgers for dinner.

ANA Y2 D359

I have a splitting headache this morning. Had to sleep with the air on last night. It was still mid 70s when we went to bed and I couldn't keep the window open. Had the AC on for most of yesterday. It's going to be cooler the rest of the week thankfully, but yesterday was rough. It got up to about 90 at its highest yesterday. Luckily we got up pretty early and did all the yardwork before the heat came. We had the entire backyard done by 11am. From there we hid in the house with fans and then finally AC. We ended our adventure weekend on a quiet note. 

I have therapy and catch up today. Then four days of training. Let the week begin.

ANA Y2 D358

One more week and we start a new year. Holy crap. Fruit flies like a banana.

We had a liminal day yesterday. Because of the polyphasic sleeping we did the last few days we were both just a little off. Not horribly, but enough. It wasn't a bad day by any stretch just not quite there most of the day. We had a nice sushi dinner. Got laundry done. I dropped a gift off with a friend. But we both just kind of floated through the day. It was warm yesterday and is going to be hot today. Not much planned as a result.

ANA Y2 D357

We are home. We were gone almost 48 hours to the minute. Got home around 2:45 and slept for 3.5 hours. Totally worth it because now we have TWO whole days to ourselves. No obligations, no nothing. We didn't even bother putting anything except fridge stuff away. Right to bed with us.

Yesterday was mostly good. Or at least it got better when I did what I do best. We got up and got ready and headed to the campus around 6:45. We were in the parking lot by 7:10. Got C's sister gifts on site. $90 for flowers and a stuffed bear. We split though as I wanted it to be from both of us. Neither of us was feeling well. The crappy mexican food was coming back to bite us. This already put both of us in a less than stellar mood. The rest of the group didn't show up until almost 8 something. Bad sign number for me. The ceremony wasn't horribly long but long enough we started getting antsy. Afterwards, we stood around taking pictures forever. This was pissing C off and I could tell. This was a group who doesn't make plans, doesn't make decisions, etc. Well, I took over. I said here's what we're doing, here's where we're going, let's go. C was upset at first but realized that what I did helped and thanked me for stepping in. We ended up having a really nice lunch downtown Knoxville. Literally steps from one of my clients. Remember when I went to Knoxville last? Me neither, but we were right there. The same places I ate at every night for a week. I knew which ones would be good and such. Got one, sat down, had a good time. 

After lunch we headed back to the hotel and slept for four hours. Packed up and hit the road around 7pm. Stopped again at Buc-cees. Love it there. Drove all night at there we are. Next up, unpacking and laundry. From there, not a damn thing.

ANA Y2 D356

Here we are in TN kids. What a drive. We were on the road by 3:10am, straight shot mostly on one freeway. We are about 25 minutes from the college and we're heading out early to make sure we aren't sitting in traffic. The problem is we are in a small freeway town. Our dinner options or entertainment options were basically zero. We found a mexican place for dinner and it's still hurting me. So far the most fun we've had was stopping at Buc-cees. That place is awesome. Ridiculous, but awesome. Heck yeah we're stopping on the way back! We hit some traffic and got to the hotel around noon. Construction outside turned the freeway into a parking lot. By the time we went to bed it was a 30 minute delay still right outside our window. This is going to be a long day. I can already tell.

ANA Y2 D355

1:20am. Time to shower and go. Let our TN adventure begin!

Did a million things yesterday. Mowed the lawn, cleaned the house, washed the car, paid bills, took care of tags. God bless self service machines. Went to bed around 8 and got about 5 hours of sleep. Bought pizza for dinner so we didn't have to deal with dishes. Plus now we can have leftovers to come home too. Got some last minute packing to do but otherwise we're ready to roll.

ANA Y2 D354

I may be off today but I have a ton of stuff to do. From errands to packing to cleaning, today is going to be bust whether I like it or not. There's a good reason I took today off. 

Spent the day updating and refreshing materials for next week's training class. That was my whole day. I had to redo every demo. But now I know they all work and I won't trip over my words next week. Worth the time spent. I had my bi-weekly meeting with my boss. Nothing of any note there. The new COO wants to meet with me. Wants to get to know me better. Ew. But okay. Whatever works for you. Ate leftovers and took care of some stuff around the house. Going to bed early tonight so this time tomorrow we can be on the road for TN!

ANA Y2 D353

27 years ago, I remember standing in the living room of my apartment hearing NIN for the very first time. Head Like a Hole. I will never forget what happened that night. I'm not going to tell you because it was explicit in nature and is my business, but let's say I will never forget it. No, nothing major happened last night to thrust me back in time 27 years. I was just listening to NIN while waiting for C to get home from work and flashed back to that summer night. It boggles my mind that was almost 30 years ago. It feels like something that happened last year not 30. Ironically, my partner now is the same as my partner was then. Not sure what that says about me.

I decided yesterday a couple of things. First, just due to logistics, I won't be able to meet up with my friends in Nashville this trip. It just won't work out timing wise. Too much driving too late at night. If we would meet for lunch versus dinner, maybe. But Nashville is 3 hours from Knoxville, not the two I originally thought. So that's out. Second, I realized I have a ton of shit to do before we leave and am stressed about getting it done. Therefore I am also taking tomorrow off. Fuck it. I have to finish packing, clean this house, prep the cat stuff, mow the lawn. Too much. So as of 3pm today, I will be done. I need a break anyway. 

Worked on documents yesterday, same today. Prep for my classes next week. Then I am done. C closes all week so I was alone last night. Didn't know what to do with myself. Hence sitting in the living room in the dark listening to NIN. Some things never change in 27 years.

ANA Y2 D352

It's going to be hot today, I can feel it already. One of those mornings where you open the window and there's no movement in the air. I need to work on getting the house down now so it stays cool later. No blinds open, fans going, etc. I will avoid turning on the air as long as possible. 

Yesterday was okay. Finally got to do work in the yard like I've wanted to but didn't have enough mulch to finish the job. I need 5-6 more bags to cover the area I want covered. But it's a start. I will go pick up more today. Only three days I have to get through this week. Then we're off to TN for a few days out of the house. More goddamn driving but it is what it is. At least I won't be in the house.

Let's get through the days.

ANA Y2 D351

We had a plan yesterday. All plans alas were thwarted because it fucking rained all day. The sun did come out - at 7pm. No lie. It was brighter at 7:30pm than it had been all day. I was almost tempted to go outside and do yard work. But it was getting too late to run power tools. I needed to weed whack the front so I can throw down the five bags of mulch we bought. I am hoping I can get it done today. Instead we spent the day inside feeling all mopey and blah. Was a bleak grey day both inside and out. It really affected our mood sadly.

Just a few more days before we leave on our little mini trip! This better be fun or I will be poking some eyes out with sticks!

ANA Y2 D350

Yesterday was a non-stop whirlwind. I took care of things right and left. I started by paying ALL the bills. I have enjoyed 24 hours without a single bill in my folder. Nice. From there I went to the grocery store so I didn't have to go today, then started laundry, did dishes, fed the cats, cleaned the bathroom, and finally started class. Day two was worse than day 1. Seriously. Like couldn't they have spread the skill set out a bit more? If I had a better balance between the two groups it wouldn't have been so bad. But alas, not to be. I got through it barely. Didn't finish until about 5:15. Then I made us pulled bbq chicken sandwiches for dinner. We took a ride to home depot and got some mulch for the front yard. Of course it's raining this morning because fuck my life. It's supposed to stop soon but seriously? Ugh. We had dinner, watched a documentary together, then crashed around 10pm. I slept in until 6:30am. I got a new monitor arm which I am going to be hooking up today. Excited about that. Should reclaim some desk space. Make it easier to move things around. Oh we signed another contract which means I have two days more being added to my calendar in June. Yeah, I am single-handedly keeping the company going right now. Suck it.

ANA Y2 D349

Friday. Bills. Groceries. Laundry. Teaching. All have to be done today. Stressed. 

Second group is awful. No one talks. They have no skills. Was like pulling teeth all day. Today will be even worse.

Made mahi for dinner. Pulled chicken tonight.

ANA Y2 D348

I am so tired right now. I could use 2-3 more hours of sleep. We were up until 11:30 because of C. I didn't eat dinner until she got home. Had to stay up a little while to digest. I need her to get a new job sooner rather than later. I can't even sleep in the rest of the week. Maybe Sunday. Maybe. Had weird dreams. Woke up from one of them at 2am. Sweating. Heart racing. I can't remember why. Taught all day. Same thing today and tomorrow. Days keep coming and they don't stop coming.

ANA Y2 D347

Tired this morning. Class didn't finish until after 5, then I made dinner, answered eleventy billion emails, took care of shit. It was 9pm by the time I sat down to relax. The whole day went by in a blur. I get to do that three more times this week. Yay me. Not much else to discuss this morning. Teach eat sleep. Just like the good old days.

ANA Y2 D346

It finally happened. Some asshole customer at C's work made her cry on the job. Some fucking white man came in and because the deli was already closed for the night SHE was a "worthless piece of shit" who "ruined his children's dinner". There was more but it was horrible for her. On top of that, her coworker had another customer verbally sexually assault her. He described lewd disgusting things to her and management did nothing. I want both of them to file lawsuits against the company for hostile work environments. It's disgusting that these fucking men think they can do things like this with no consequences. Absolutely disgusting.

I spent the day doing admin stuff. Starting today I am heads down for the next four days. My life is pretty boring in comparison.

ANA Y2 D345

Sometimes I reflect on where I am now versus where I was a few years ago. My mental health is so much different. My relationship is so much different. Financially I am still fucked and probably will be for life, but hey, can't win them all I guess. But seriously. I was reflecting last night on this. C is playing this game that has a season aspect. The season ended at midnight last night. Around 10pm I wanted to go to bed. She still wanted to play. Of course I told her to keep playing. But she wouldn't. She got into bed with me. I had to force her to get back up and go play her game for a little while. It's so different when someone wants YOU. Not the idea of you, not the idea of a relationship, they actually want you. I firmly feel and believe that she is dedicated and in love with me. I, her as well. I laid in bed for a few minutes and smiled because I didn't have anxiety about her being up. I didn't stress or feel neglected. Or that I was coming in second. No. Every day I feel like I have a partner who truly loves me for who I am. That's a big change for me. I like it.

The weather was absolute shite yesterday. It was a constant grey and was neither cold nor warm. I had no idea what time it was. No idea what was going on. It was just blah all day and it affected my mood. I honestly didn't stat feeling better until about 8pm when it was dark outside and I could actually recognize it was night time. The day went by in a blur as a result. I couldn't find the motivation to get anything done and that frustrated me. Which of course added to my blahness. Overall it was not a fun day. But I got through it.

This week I am teaching Tues-Fri which will be nice as it's a specific task and I can be heads down. Today I have to prep for the week.

ANA Y2 344

Hi. I sort of slept in. Didn't get up until 5:45 when C was leaving. I feel bad when I do that. I know logically I shouldn't especially since yesterday I left while she was still asleep. But it is what it is. I went to the store before my hair appointment. Was there for like 3 hours getting my hair did and my nails filled. Hopefully my nails will look good for the graduation. That's the goal. Came home, did stuff around the house. Made steaks for dinner. Watched some tv together on the couch for a good cuddle session. Went to bed at a reasonable time. Nothing planned for today. Just enjoying the day before next week's training.

ANA Y2 D343

Running off 4 hours sleep. Leaving for hair soon. Boring day yesterday. Admin stuff. Leftovers for dinner because C closed for the third time this week. Bleh.

ANA Y2 D342

We stayed up late again last night. I think we're doing it to prove to ourselves we're not old and boring and so stuck in a rut we have to be in bed by 10 on the dot every night. Okay, maybe I am doing it for those reasons. Starting next week I am teaching like crazy so I am going to enjoy the small respite as long as I can. Waiting for my expense check. $1300 should be coming to me. They processed it yesterday so I probably won't get until Monday but it's coming. I am also getting a new work credit card in my new name. There is talk of international travel for a client - Germany and Singapore - so I need to have all my documents match. Spent the day in our LMS system yesterday fighting it. God that thing is fickle. I wish I could hire C and have her do all of it, but alas, unless we get some serious business, that's not happening. I get it, doesn't mean I have to like it.

I have become friends with some of my students from last week including having two join me in WoW. Last night for over an hour I did a zoom meeting with one of them showing her the ropes of the game. This same person is going to hang out with me and C in TN when we go. She and another student live like an hour from Nashville so they're both going to drive in and hang with us showing us around. That's right people, I am making friends. Sadly none of them are local but oh well. I dunno, I think I like having friends all over the world because no matter where I travel, there's someone there. Like last week I messaged my friend in NY. She invited me to spend the weekend at her place but sadly I didn't have the bandwidth. 

Today is more admin type stuff and then it's the weekend. This was a weird week in terms of how time went. Oh well.

ANA Y2 D341

Stayed up way too late last night. Didn't go to bed until almost 1am. Just wasn't tired. Too much going on. Didn't have quite as productive a work day as Tuesday but that's okay. I have stuff to do today. C closed so I was on my own for dinner. I survived. Steak sandwich, mac and cheese, fruit. It was acceptable. Tonight is chicken quesadillas. 2 weeks from today we will be in TN for the weekend. Just have to survive two weeks.

ANA Y2 D340

I am about to be super busy in most of May and June. We signed four new contracts over the last week. One client wants 15 days of training, another 4, one more 2, and the big news is I have been asked to chair and host a monthly Data Advisory Board for one client. A monthly commitment where I would facilitate the meeting, offer advice and guidance, and basically be the expert at the table. I am beyond honored at this request. The downside is I will be so busy I have to reschedule my tattoo. I sent a message to them late last night offering 11 different options in May and June. Hopefully one will work. This also means for the next couple of months starting next week I will be heads down and no one will bug me. I am earning my keep for sure. Yesterday was really productive and satisfying. Felt really good. C mowed the back lawn so things around here are looking good too. Add to that our trip in two weeks to TN, I might actually kick these winter blues. The weather is changing, business is going, bills are getting paid. Okay other shoe, how about you don't drop for a while and let me enjoy this?