Yesterday was really bad. Still going today. I didn't get enough sleep last night. I have shit to do this morning. Two appointments and meetings so I had tro get up early. Fucking sucks.
Same as the day before. No need to type it all again, is there? Happy Halloween.
I had a full 24 hours of silence. It was wonderful. Back today but I enjoyed the break.
Worked, had leftover pizza for dinner, dog walk, attempted to watch a movie but it was awful. Nothing else going on.
Silence. Key? Sleep. Seriously. I need a full night's sleep. My body is forcing me to catch up on all the years I neglected sleep. Fine. Be that way.
Worked. Went to make salmon last night and it had gone bad sadly. Ended up ordering pizza. Watched a movie. Took dog for walk.
Got a half day yesterday. Been screaming ever since. How much longer will this go on? All year? Multiple years? I can't take much more.
Worked. Tried to go to spirit to find C a costume for the party she has to go to on Saturdfay. It's a work thing she doesn't want to do but has to. Spirit was a bust. The store was noisy and insane. Had taco bros for dinner. Took dog for walk. Watched funny scary movie.
It did end up fading out. Had about a 1/2 day of silence. So far so good today. Let's keep the stress down and maybe it will last all day. I did switch the house humidifier on yesterday and definitely noticed a difference when I woke up this morning. Very nice to be able to not be dried out like a shrunken head.
Did more laundry, cleaned, dog walk, made pork tenderloin for dinner.
It's faint today. Plus it feels different. Like this might actually be a drain issue today. With the weather changes I am noticing more "squishiness" in both. I am going to do a drain in a little while and see if it goes away.
Worked on some work stuff yesterday because I didn't get as much done as I wanted last week. Made progress. Did laundry. Cleaned. Took dog for walk. Made lamb burgers for dinner. We watched a good movie last night. Good Boy. Really sad but good.
No plans for today thankfully. C is still working. Working all damn weekend.
Still screaming. Day 4. Meds are doing nothing. Weather isn't helping. Sleep isn't working.
Worked all day. Ordered in for dinner. Went on 3 mile walk. Watched a movie.
Still screaming. Sigh.
Payday. Need to pay bills. Need to work on shit. Need to clean house. Need need need. Too much to do not enough hours in the day.
Still here. Screamed all day on me. I had things to do and had to try and ignore it which wasn't fun. I had to go to the dentist and pay them, then pick up a prescription. Normally that wouldn't be a big deal but with road closures and lane changes and construction workers it took me over an hour to do 15 minutes worth of errands. Fuck this place. Worked the rest of the day with my head screaming bloody murder. Made tuna for dinner. Raining so no dog walk. Watched some stuff on tv, played games, went to bed.
Back. Came back around 9am yesterday been here ever since.
Worked. Made pasta for dinner. Took dog for walk. Went to bed.
Still silence. Let's see how long it lasts. Only thing similar to yesterday is another night of 7+ hours of sleep. Sleep may in fact be the key. The weather is also calmer again which might play into it too. Regardless, I am happy and will take it.
Worked yesterday. The internet failures did mess with me as I couldn't reach certain sites. Also messed with our payroll system. For those unaware there was a big AWS failure yesterday which took down not only major players like Facebook, Reddit, Amazon, and more, but it also took down a shit ton of little guys like our payroll software. Just shows how fragile this whole system can be. One outage and it falls apart.
Made ravioli for dinner, took dog for walk, watched movie. We watched "It Feeds". Pretty good. Went to bed around 10 because I need the sleeps!
Finally silence. I blame yesterday on the weather to be honest. The pressure was insane. The humidity was through the roof. It rained on and off all day while being in the high 70s. I get it. Those are the bad days I can accept if they were more infrequent. But at least it gives me something to blame. Why silence today? I slept more? Sleep is the only thing I have been able to fully correlate this whole time. The more sleep, like real deep sleep, I get, the lower the chances of screaming.
Because of the rain we didn't do much of anything yesterday. Laundry, dishes, cleaning. Made salmon for dinner. Otherwise we were in the house all day with a grey sky. Back to the grind today.
While it is still here it is very faint. Like it wants to go away but it can't. This is what happened yesterday too. Around 1pm it started getting quieter and was really faint for the rest of the day. I can live with this? It's not screaming, just there.
I had to have a service guy out yesterday to fix our garage door. The gear controlling the up/down broke. He did tell me that our unit was from 2004 and that's about the life expectancy on these things. While he was able to fix the gear, he did recommend we look into a new one in the new year. I got his advice on which one and options and ended up ordering one. By some fluke it came same day delivery. But he told me to wait until the new year, call them, and they do a flat rate install. Okay. So now I have our first Xmas present wrapped and ready to go. Not very exciting, but funny.
Didn't feel like cooking so we ordered a pizza. Tried to watch a movie but it was a stinker and we turned it off. Took dog for walk and just beat the rain. It started five minutes after I got back with her. Been raining ever since. It's supposed to go all day today.
No plans for today.
I wish I had something different to say but I don't. Take it as it is. I might do a drain today just for laughs.
Had a weird dream last night. Was back in college. Classroom full of 20 somethings. Got into it with the instructor. Of course I did.
Worked. Dog walk. Made chicken for dinner.
Oh boy still going! What a joy! /s
Same shit different day. Worked, had indian for dinner, took dog for walk, went to grocery store.
Still here. Time to update spreadsheet. This is maddening. Drugs aren't working. Nothing is working. So tired.
Worked, had meetings, made leftovers for dinner. Dog walked. Nothing else going on.
Back again. Stopped around 1pm yesterday so a half day of noise. I am keeping track of exactly how many hours I am getting of either noise or silence. I want detailed notes for someone. I don't know who but someone.
Worked, had client meeting, made ribs, dog walk, movie.
Still here. Fainter today but still here. I did in fact start a spreadsheet. Out of 14 days this month 8 have had screaming, six silence. Not good.
Worked. Made leftovers for dinner. Took dog for walk.
Meeting today. Have to look like an adult as it's with a client. Joy.
It's back and really loud today. I ended up having silence yesterday. Glorious. But not today sadly. I need to put together a spreadsheet so I can give accurate information to my doctor at the end of the month. I have been on the meds for two weeks now with no change. I don't know what's going on.
Spent the day doing house stuff. Ended up in the kitchen for two hours making lasagna from scratch. We watched a movie. It was an okay day.
So far it's silent today. So far. I will take the W and hope it continues. I did get a good night's sleep which always helps. Yesterday just dragged. At one point I thought it was noon but it was only 10am. Like WTF? It is starting to become winter outside so the color of the sky was solid grey all day. Made it hard to know what time it was. Didn't do much of anything until C got home. Then we watched some stuff, made tacos for dinner, went on walk, played games.
We're both home today and we're making lasagna from scratch.
It came back and it's still here. Like 20 minutes after I posted yesterday it hit and it was bad last night. Bad this morning too. FUCK. I'm on drugs now people! It was supposed to stop this! Dammit it all.
What the hell did I even do yesterday? Nothing? Checked in with work so I don't walk into a shitstorm on Monday. Had leftovers for dinner. Walked dog. I don't know. I don't fucking know.
Mostly silent. It's there on the edges. Like an intrusive thought that if you pay attention to it will overwhlem you. You have to ignore it. I think this is the result of the lexapro. It's doing it's job. It's keeping the invader at bay. Not quite killing it, but keeping it from taking me over. I am good with that. Let's see how long this lasts.
Went to the dentist yesterday and got a pleasant surprise. We thought my insurance was only going to pay 500-600 of my work. So I would be left with about that much. Turns out they paid over $800 of my bill. All the work I have had done recently was only $240 out of pocket. Hell. Yeah. This makes me very happy. Came back from dentist, made jambalaya for dinner, took dog on walk, played outside - I am out of order here, sorry, I am trying to remember everything I did yesterday and it's all out of order in my head. Hmm. Side effect? Don't know.
Have therapy in 45 minutes. Lots to discuss.
Silence again. That was the shortest bout this year. 24 hours or so? Let's see if I am at the apex where the periods switch finally? It was pretty bad last night. I was struggling a bit.
Made cookies, made apple butter, and oh yeah. got TICKETS TO NIN IN GRAND RAPIDS! WOO! Row eight but on the other side of the stage this time. Cheaper than last time too. Feb 22nd. Now I have something to look forward to in 2026. Much excite.
Warmed up a pizza for dinner from the Italian store. Watched a movie - Deadstream. Really good. Worth watching. Took dog for walk. Played games. Went to bed.
Dentist this morning. Whee.
It's back. Got about 36 hours this time. It's fainter than in the past and the lexapro is making it so I care less. I can tell the difference. Making it more like an annoying mosquito than a fire drill in my head. So I guess that's an improvement?
Took dog to new groomer. Went to the big Italian grocery store while I waited. Got dinner stuff, some snacks. The dog looks great. They did an excellent job on her. Was more than I expected but I did a deep conditioner upgrade. Worth it.
Canceled my hearing test because I didn't want to go. It's useless and I wasn't going to fight traffic and parking for something that would tell me nothing. Made chicken palimino for dinner. Technically I reheated it. We watched the new Conjuring, took dog for walk, and then I started apple butter. It's cooking right now. Should be done around 10am. After I played games for a little while.
Yesterday was nice. Let's see if I can make this go away and have a good day today.
Silence. About 16 hours now. It stopped around 1pm yesterday. Let's see how long it lasts.
B worked from our house yesterday. Her cat was getting spayed so it was easier to work from here than drive home and back. Totally get that. I would have done the same. Heck, I am doing similar today waiting for the dog at the groomers. Not worth it to drive home in traffic and back again. But it made the house quiet yesterday. Neither of us wanted to be noisy since C was home too. Quiet day of playing outside with the dog, playing video games, and being mellow. Made salmon for dinner. Took dog for walk. Watched a movie. Good day.
Still going. Had a couple of bad bouts yesterday. It's solid this morning. Not faint, not screaming yet but it's there. Getting fed up with this. I really am.
Did more laundry, took dog outside, cleaned a bit, mad chicken for dinner.
It's back. So about 39 hours this time. It's day 5 of lexapro and I feel no different and my ears have had no difference. I shouldn't be stressed out about anything since I don't have to work this week. We're back to a physical issue then maybe? But what? I have the hearing test on Tuesday, let's see if that reveals anything.
Had my hair appointment, then I took care of the front yard. Then we did laundry. Made lamb for dinner. Watched some tv, took dog for a walk, played some video games. It was a good day. Today I take care of the back yard.
Silence. It stopped around 4pm yesterday. Just stopped. So we are 13 hours in. Let's see how long it lasts.
I am officially on a week's vacation. I have to do my timesheet this weekend but otherwise, no work or stress for a week. This should also have impact. Went to the grocery store yesterday morning, then did some final work for the week. Had a meeting and was done. Made burgers for dinner since it's still in the 80s here. Took dog for a walk later in the evening once it cooled down.
Hair appointment today.
Silence so far. Again I feel it creeping around the edges though. Need to be calm and peaceful and hope it stays away.
My expense check is now three days late and my work output has slowed to reflect this. Don't pay me, I don't put in effort. Simple as that.
Took dog for walk. Made tamales for dinner. Played games. Nothing exciting.
It's back. Came back around noon yesterday. It's really bad this morning too. Why??? Day two of new meds. Let's see if they help.
Worked, made dinner (chili leftovers), went on walk, played games. Nothing exciting. Just two more days and I get a week off. I have so much planned.
Day two of silence but I feel it tugging on the edges. I started the lexapro today. We will see if that makes a difference.
Worked, made mahi for dinner, took dog on walk.
