ANA Y4 D303

Silence.

Went on a three mile walk yesterday. Taking dog to vet this morning. Two more days until interview. 

ANA Y4 D302

Silence. Thankfully.

Sweat like a pig all night. I didn't turn the heat up but for some reason I was hot as hell all night long. With C at work yesterday didn't do a whole lot. I managed to take dog for a walk. This is the week of my interview. Stressed. Week 9 of being unemployed. 

ANA Y4 D301

Screaming. Had a small break yesterday but here we are.

Busy day yesterday. I was up early. Did laundry, cleaned the kitchen, and straightened the living room before I took the dog to the groomer. Got back, C had done more cleaning. We worked together to get the house ready for company. Around 3 I started my lasagne. C's coworker came over around 5. We had a nice time. Food was good. We watched a movie. She headed out around 10. We went to bed around 11.

Nothing planned for today. 

ANA Y4 D300

Still screaming.

There's something wrong with the bed. My back has been killing me. I've adjusted it twice. I think with the rapid weather changes it's been losing pressure like car tires. But I am in serious pain this morning. I am so done with everything. Taking dog to groomer in a little while. Having C's coworker over for dinner. Making lasagne. 

ANA Y4 D299

Back to screaming. Bad screaming too.

Stress levels are high again. Fuck everything. 

ANA Y4 D298

Silence. It broke yesterday around 1pm. Been doing good since.

Quiet day. Weather also broke. We got to go on a walk. Another today too. Supposed to be really nice today finally. Might even make smashburgers outside tonight. We shall see. Just playing the waiting game. Waiting for interviews. Waiting for responses. Nothing else to report.  

ANA Y4 D297

Screaming

Couldn't sleep again last night. Tossed and turned from 10:30 until midnight. Got up until 1:30. Just stressed out. Got two rejections yesterday which didn't help my mood. I have one week until my onsite. I need this job, bad. I have to take it no matter what. Which is making me feel trapped. Made chinese pork for dinner. Watched tv. Froze my ass off. 

ANA Y4 D296

Head back.

As promised I didn't sit on my ass yesterday job wise. I applied to four new jobs, followed up on things. Nothing is done until it is done. I have one more week until my onsite. Things could change. It snowed here yesterday which really sucked. We had hoped to get outside, but nope. Made wraps for dinner. Watched a movie. 

ANA Y4 D295

Silence. Good.

The weather turned yet again. We tried to go for a walk because it said it was nice out. We failed to look at the 'feels like' which was 10 degrees less. The wind was biting and it was freezing. We barely made it 30 minutes. I felt bad for the dog, but fuck that. Today it will be back down in the low 30s. Are we done with this shit yet? Seriously.  I am over it already.

Did laundry. Made tuna for dinner. C's boss messaged last night and she might have to go into work today. We will see. I have one more week until my interview but I am still applying for shit until then. Nothing is solid until the dotted line is signed. 

ANA Y4 D294

Head is back. Strong. Sad.

Only excitement yesterday was when I almost killed us by making chemical gas. Don't mix drain chemicals kids. Things go poof and make clouds. I am okay but it was scary for a little while. Drain is open though it would appear. That's the good news? Seriously I poured one down there, it did nothing, I poured a second stronger one but there must have been some residual so it went POOF in a little cloud. I aired everything out, ran a fan, etc. But it was a scary few minutes. That was my excitement. Made cheesesteaks for dinner. 

Laundry today. Woo. 

ANA Y4 D293

Silence day 2.

They called and rescheduled for the 2nd instead of the first. They want to make sure everyone is in the office to meet me. Good? Bad? Not sure. They clearly are interested but they might be moving slower than I would like. Remember, it took them 37 days to even reach out. I might enjoy some place that moves at that pace, but I have to think about the financials. I am not going to slack off next week. Still going to apply at places. We were supposed to go to a movie, but C fell asleep and I didn't have the heart to wake her. She would have just been exhausted. We can always go to the movies some other time. No plans for this weekend.

ANA Y4 D292

Silence.

Folks, ya girl nailed it! We had a good 40 minute talk, he immediately invited me back for a second round onsite. They reached out and scheduled it 90 minutes after the call even before I could send a thank you email. I go onsite April 1st for 2-3 hours to meet the team. I feel this is mine to lose. Only thing that will break this is salary. We didn't discuss and they didn't list. This is a new role for them so I don't think they have any clue what this should pay. It could go one of two ways. They are unrealistically low, or they need to be ready to pay for someone with my background. We'll find out on 4/1. Until then, I am still applying and will still interview as it comes up.

In sadder news, Agador Spartacus passed away last night. Yes, I am talking about the cat that B took in the divorce. She'd been getting sick and I don't want to go into it right now, but she should have let her go last week. I feel she was being selfish. She didn't want blood on her hands but now she's got it anyway.

I am proud of C as well. She made the first step in getting herself squared away. She had a doc appointment yesterday where she get a formal diagnosis of ADHD and can now see about meds. She knew she was but needed the piece of paper. She really wants to be able to focus so she can move forward with her life and career. It's so nice to have an adult partner who knows what she wants and will actually get off her ass to achieve it.

We're going to a movie tonight. All in all, a pretty darn good week.

ANA Y4 D291

Today is the day. Day two of screaming of course.

Four hours until interview. Got to get in the shower but I am not getting dressed until 9am. Do not want anything going wrong. Talked to the unemployment office yesterday. Got that all squared away. Hopefully it will be settled. Caught up with former coworker as I had him help me test my teams for today. Very nervous but excited. 

Here goes nothing. 

ANA Y4 D290

Head back of course. Weather is freezing outside.

Went to my dentist office yesterday in person to try and negotiate my bill. I am glad I did. They knocked $150 off for me as a courtesy if I paid in full. Done and done. I now owe them nothing and feel better. All it took was polite asking. Can't want more than that.

Made quesadillas for dinner, watched some tv, did laundry. Nothing else going on because it snowed all day and was cold as hell out there. No respite from the weather until the weekend. Meeting with unemployment today, interview tomorrow. 

ANA Y4 D289

Good news: head quiet

Bad news:  had bad insomnia last night and was up until 2am. 

Good news: have a real job interview with a real company on thursday.

Bad news: it's an hour away

Good news: it's a hybrid role so I might only have to be in office one to two days a week

More good news: if the pay is good and the company is good, we would consider moving. 

This is my life. Up down all around. Back and forth. All damn day long. 

ANA Y4 D288

Scream

Michigan does not make it easy to collect unemployment. Apparently I messed up something and now they're trying to say I owe them money? WTF? I have to call this morning and put this right. I swear I am not over here trying to commit fraud. I just need to stay afloat until I can land a job. Their money isn't the best but it's keeping us going. Fuck. I am so fucking frustrated right now. I just wanted to make it to retirement. But right now I am not making it anywhere. You wonder why I want to kill myself? 

ANA Y4 D287

It broke yesterday for a while. Got about 14 hours of peace but it's back.

Got up early yesterday and started a slow cook pork butt. Made brownies. Our friend came over for dinner and we watched a movie. I took dog on walk. Did laundry. Cleaned house. 

ANA Y4 D286

Day seven. I am done with this shit.

Somehow I fucked up and my unemployment has been suspended. Of course I can't call until Monday so now I get to spend the weekend stressing. I am tired of being alive. I really am. I can't keep going like this. Something needs to give and soon or I am going out back to a tree. Speaking of trees our backyard is littered with broken branches due to 70mph winds yesterday. We lost power for 2 hours and 12 minutes. I had to cook dinner over a butane stove in fading light. That was oodles of fun. Went out at 3:37 and came back just as we finished dinner near 6. Can I just end it all, please? 

ANA Y4 D285

No improvement, no changes, no nothing. I am spiraling but I do have therapy today. I am also going to do an ear drain today to see if that helps. Otherwise, I am still in hell. 

ANA Y4 D284

Day 6. Fuck this life.

No news on the job front. No news about anything. Life sucks. 

ANA Y4 D283

My screaming has moved out of my hears and into my whole head. Fuck my life.

Went to the store. Made dinner. Took dog for walk. 

ANA Y4 D282

Scream.

Spent $700 yesterday having my damn water heater serviced. Water was only coming out at around 90 degrees. When he was done, it was back to 136.5. Took my first HOT shower in months this morning. We originally thought it was just because it had been so cold outside that it was struggling to heat up. Nope. Just needed to be flushed and descaled. The upside is that price included the pump and cables to do it in the future. Which means I can learn how to do it myself next year. It really should be done annually. C had doc appointment and everything went well for her. We took dog on two walks again. I am still struggling to connect with this place that wants an interview. Their software isn't sending out meeting invites correctly and the HR person seems clueless on how to work around it. Maybe something will come of that today. 

ANA Y4 D281

I just noticed I messed up yesterday's title. Whatever.

Mild scream today. Up early because water heater people coming between 8 and 12. Went on another walk yesterday. Very nice. Didn't feel good in the tummy so made soup and grilled cheese for dinner. Otherwise, quiet day.

Ana Y4 D280

Head screaming and clocks changed. HATE today. It's "7:30" but it's pitch black outside and I did not get renough sleep. 

Had hair appointment, stopped at the store, scheduled a service for our water tank, did laundry, took dog for TWO walks, made bento boxes for dinner, played games, watched a movie. Good filled day. 

ANA Y4 D279

It back.

Went to lunch with friend yesterday. Was nice. It rained on and off during the day then stormed like crazy last night. Fough the dog to go outside because for some reason she is a princess who hates being wet. Okay. Made pasta for dinner. Started new show. Played games. Went to bed. 

ANA Y4 D278

Still silent. Go me.

More importantly, I got an interview!! Working on the when but the win here is that my new resume is working and getting me into people's hands. I applied Wednesday, got an email requesting an interview yesterday. It's not really what I want sadly. It's another consulting company. But if it pays the bills while I find something else, then great. I know the skills are a fit, but not sure about culture. I will go to the interview, see what they have to say. But my hopes are low. Regardless, I got an interview and that's the win.

C got home very late last night but I still made a pork tenderloin, we finished a show, and we played games. Productive yet short evening together.

Having lunch with a friend today and hair appointment tomorrow. 

ANA Y4 D277

Blessed silence. I had to force myself to stay up until midnight and slept for 7 hours but it did the trick.

Applied to more jobs, watched TV, posted on linkedin, got my unemployment, went to the grocery store. 

ANA Y4 D276

We received Merlot's urn yesterday. It's very beautiful. Fitting memorial for the baby. 

That was weird. My whole window closed. Whatever. Thankfully it saved a draft. Anyway. 

Same shit different day. No interviews, two rejections. Just got to hold on. 

ANA Y4 D275

Still the same on all fronts.

We did get something nice yesterday. Chewy sent us flowers for Merlot. Very sweet and unexpected. Customer service at its best.

Tried a new burger place. It was really good. Made chicken sandwiches for dinner. Watched some tv. 

ANA Y4 D274

Nothing going on. Another week, no interviews. Time to apply to more jobs. It was cold as hell again yesterday. Currently 15 outside. Getting real tired of this weather. Time change next week. That will be annoying. We played games yesterday. Hung out. Played with dog. Watched TV. Tried some new shows. A quiet weekend day. Now it's back to trying to find a job. 

ANA Y4 D273

Still screaming. Welcome to March.

They dropped off Merlot yesterday. Of course when C got home and saw it she lost her shit. That was fun. We had pizza. Watched the end of Fallout. Let's see where this is going in season 3. Which will be in 2027 assuming we're all still here.

Cleaned the house. Like deep cleaned. Nothing else going on.