Y9 D101

I've been trying to figure out what's bothering me lately and I can't quite put my finger on a specific thing. It's a combination of things. This is a tight pay period because we made a purchase and I wanted it paid off instead of having more credit. We were able to afford it, but it's been making for a tougher than normal pay period. For those interested we bought a Bose Soundtouch 300 soundbar. Ours was starting to flake and driving us both crazy and we were planning on the Bose being our Christmas present this year, but we pulled the trigger early. Love the bar, hate what it did to this month's budget. But that will be rectified in 4 days. Regardless, that's issue 1.

Issue 2 is the state of the world. I wake up and read how South Korea is detonating hydrogen bombs. WTF? Seriously? We have two spoiled brat children in a pissing match with all of our lives at stake. So not fucking cool.

Then there's the elephant in the room. This fucking weather. I am staring down the barrel of two days in a row at 102 degrees. FINALLY there's some respite on Thursday from all this, but man, I can't make it to Thursday. I am fucking dying. When I lived in the Hellhole with X1, I couldn't take the heat then either. I spent most days in bars and hiding because I couldn't fucking take it.

Which brings us to another point. I don't drink any more. So much of these things used to stay buried under alcohol and anger. Now I just have the anger which I look at and can't take so it turns to depression. It turns into being frustrated at the lack of control I have over so many aspects of life. I can't change tiny hands from deciding to destroy the world. I can't blot out the sun. Boy would I like to. I can control our budget and trying to focus my attention there. It helps, a little.

The last thing and one of the biggest is the lack of social circle we have here. I need to fix that somehow but I don't know how. It's extremely frustrating.

We had a friend in town yesterday. Not to see us of course. No, they were here for other reasons and were 'kind' enough to give us an hour to have a late lunch. I fucking hate that. But whatever. We left the comfort of our bedroom for a moment to visit. I am not kidding about the bedroom thing. B leaves it for like 20 minutes right now. I have been dragging my computer in there to be in a cooler space.

It's fucking ridiculous. It's gotta go.

Sigh. I don't know what we're doing today. It will in fact be 102, there's a heat advisory in place until 10pm tomorrow night. I know; we'll probably hide in the bedroom again. Fun.