Y13 D219

Farewell 2021. Wow. I don't really know what else to say about that. It feels like it was just 2000. Hell it feels like it was just 1995. Just balls. It's all such a blur. It really doesn't mean anything any more. Just have to take it day by day. The passing of the year is just some arbitrary time marker.

Yesterday was a better day for B. They got out of bed, they functioned. Her cousin came over around 7 and they stayed up talking until 2am. Good. She needed that. Me, I went to bed at 11 but heard them wrap up. 

Making curry for dinner tonight. That's my big NYE plans. Remember when I used to do things? Me neither.

Y13 D218

YesterDAY was good. YesterNIGHT not so much. During the day I cleaned out the fridge, cleaned the kitchen, hung two shelves, played animal crossing, put my new Legos away, cleaned the cat room, did dishes, took out all the garbage, ordered a new filter for the fridge, starting prepping to put Xmas away, and basically did a shit ton of chores. Felt very productive. Then I had to deal with B.

This is getting bad people. Like real bad. She had a complete and utter breakdown last night and once again I had to hide and lock all the meds in my office. I refused to leave her side for like six hours and kept waking up every hour to make sure she was still in bed and not doing something stupid. 

The issue is with one of her best friends, who also happens to be her dealer. He is flat out refusing to get vaccinated because he just doesn't want to. That's it. Laziness and stupidity. No other reason. This is killing B. See, this friend is already a health risk. He is severely overweight with lung and heart problems. He should be on a CPAP when he sleeps. If he gets COVID, odds are he is not making it. B's brain takes that and runs. Complete and utter breakdown last night. I am mentally and emotionally exhausted from all this. Her fucking doctor is still on maternity leave and I won't put her through the pain of being checked in somewhere because the American health plan is drugs drugs drugs. Not what is needed. What's needed is for the 38% of Americans who are still walking around like nothing is happening to grow the fuck up. What's needed is for this country to be shut down and not be slaves to CEOs who have manipulated the CDC to their will. You think you have a "labor shortage" now? Wait until another million die. 

I am so done.

Y13 D217

Yesterday was a bad day for B. Some major back sliding. A lot of the stuff I was feeling six to nine months ago hit them hard yesterday. I think it was triggered by the new CDC bullshit that came down yesterday. 5 day quarantine crap. The CEO of Delta out there saying fuck it people can come to work sick and they don't need masks on planes. Mandates being ignored, fought, and downright refused. Shit like that just hit B. Then in the evening they found out their step mother, the one with a seriously compromised immune system, got the covid. How? Having to go to work around unmasked selfish bastards. I found out my niece also got it but I sure as hell wasn't going to tell B in her current mental state. That would have just broken her further. This really is a situation where profit is being put before humanity. In so many ways. From patents not being shared with foreign countries to CEOs pushing people back into offices when they should be isolated. South Park got it right people. We're never getting out of this. Oh and now a new strain of bird flu is emerging. As a species, we're just fucked, aren't we?

I did some self care yesterday. Then I embarked on a six hour project. I put one of my Xmas gifts together:

They have a light kit for it which I might add next. Overall I enjoyed putting this together. Distracted me from the world for a good while.

I also moved and am rescanning my plex library. That will take until the end of the week unfortunately. It's just scanning away the best it can right now. 

Nothing on the agenda for today. Hopefully B will be feeling a little better. Five more days until I have to go back to the grind. At least I don't have to leave this room.

Y13 D216

Second day in a row I slept passed 7am. I'm on a roll. Not gonna lie, it's kind of nice. It also helps that the sky is dark and there's no light coming into the bedroom. Still very gloomy out. It stopped snowing early in the day but it left a good 2-3 inches on the ground. Enough to be annoying. It was down to ice by midday. Supposed to start in again this afternoon. Luckily I have nowhere to be today. 

I only went out once yesterday and that was to the fancy grocery store. Got some stuff we've been craving that is only sold there. That was it though. I did slide a little bit coming back into the neighborhood where the snow plows hadn't made it yet. Switched my truck to 4 auto for the first time. 

We spent over 4 hours watching movies. We watched Matrix IV the other day and B wanted to watch the original trilogy + animatrix to really understand the story. Fair. We have spent the last couple of days doing just that. Yesterday we watched Revolutions and re-watched Resurrections. The last one made more sense to B after being fully caught up and fresh in their mind. But man oh man, there's four hours of my life. Plus breaks for bathroom and food, so really five hours of my day. I can't do that the same way B can. I was getting antsy. But they're happy and that's all that matters.

Unrelated to anything, I want to say my peace about something. I have been reading a lot of posts, articles, memes, etc all talking about how frustrated people are with having to go back into an office. They make jokes like "well Brian can't function without his daily control" and they don't realize just how close to the truth they are with comments like that. You know why companies are making you go back to the office? Middle management. Plain and simple. Middle managers serve no purpose other than keeping the flock under observation. That's it man. Sorry to break it to you. You're right, Brian in Project Management has no other purpose than to be a shepherd. So yeah, to protect their jobs, it's middle management sowing the seeds of "we have to watch them; they're not working; they're time stealing!" nonsense to old white people in charge who don't understand remote work in the first place. Why has my company never needed to have an office or daily let me watch you work meetings? Because we don't fear stupid shit like time theft nor do we have useless middle management. We don't have people whose only job is to be a warden. We don't give people power without real responsibility. Hence, no need to any of that bullshit. I feel for anyone going back into an office. Productivity will crash, resignations will increase, management will scratch their heads, and it all could have been avoided by firing useless layers of managers. My two cents. Take it or leave it.

Going to do some self care today. Manicure. Face mask. That kind of day.

Y13 D215

Yay! I slept in!! Go me! Plus, it was nice and dry outside when I went to bed so B and I made plans to go to the fancy bread store this morning but oh look, the sky opened up while we were asleep and dumped the snow. No wonder I slept. It be dark outside and there be dragons! We were going to get one thing so it's not a huge priority and I would rather wait until the snow has stopped personally. Don't need to risk our lives for one small item. 

Yesterday was okay. As you know I was up early to get that thing for B. Didn't happen. I kept refreshing the site for two hours. Finally gave up and went to the grocery store and got my truck washed. In that small window they fixed the site and the item sold out. Oh well. I tried. Came home, put away the groceries and went out to the pet store for cat food. By the time I came back B was waking up and we had a nice movie watching day together. We are spending this week eating leftovers because heaven knows we have plenty of them right now. After dinner we relaxed on the couch and played some video games. Went to bed around 10pm.

I am going to enjoy this week even if it kills me. I have three projects left on my list, one of which I am going to work on this morning. Otherwise, no huge commitments lurking for me until next Monday.

Y13 D214

I'm awake, I'm awake. Why? Because B wants something that goes on sale in six minutes. It goes on sale at 3am EST/ midnight PST and yes, I am that kind of person who got up and has another window open, refreshing it constantly to get this item. Will I get it? I don't know. It's a bag from Lego in mini-fig yellow. It is expected to sell out immediately. We shall see. Wish me luck.

We had an awesome Christmas. Presents were opened, laughs were had, joy was spread. I made waffles for breakfast. One dark cloud - the printer I got us for Christmas is defective. I have to package it up and send it back to Best Buy. That part sucks. Looks like the print heads are defective. Son of a bitch. Now I have to restart the whole looking for a new printer process. Of course I also have to wait for the damn return to process. Joy. Luckily I didn't throw away the packaging material yet. 

Hold on, refreshing other window...

DAMMIT site won't let me add to cart. There were no pre-sale. It's site fuck up. Motherfucker. Going to keep refreshing and typing.

We had our requisite chinese food for dinner followed by some movie watching. We also did feeds and tank stuff.

All in all our decision to avoid family gatherings was worth it and gave both of us less anxiety which worked for me. 

Still no add to cart. I'm going back to bed. 

Y13 D213

MERRY CHRISTMAS BITCHES!

It's that wonderful day once again! I have to wait 3.5 hours until present time but that's okay. It's worth it. I can have the patience.

Yesterday we didn't do much. B didn't get up until 2 so I had the morning to myself. Did laundry, paid bills, played some video games. When B got up we made popcorn and settled in for watching new Matrix. I FUCKING LOVED IT. One of the best movies I have ever watched. They took something familiar and managed to tell a whole new story. I laughed, I cried, I was on the edge of my seat. I will give no spoilers, but do yourself the favor and watch it. It helps if you have recently watched the other three to feel more at home, but at the very least, re-watch the first. There are references to 2 and 3, which will help you identify certain characters. But overall, what a damn good movie.

After the movie we went to the grocery store for some sides for our Xmas Eve feast. Diet be damned! We had potatoes and cinnamon apples and mac and cheese and a big ol' ham. Twas tasty! Our friend has taken to spending Christmas eve with us as her family sucks ass so the three of us feasted then settled in to watch the traditional Christmas shows.

I made it to 11:30 before going to bed. And now, it's here with all it's cheer! Get your tartookas and blumbloopas and make some noise! Christmas has arrived!

Welcome Christmas, bring your cheer.
Cheer to all Whos far and near.
Christmas Day is in our grasp
So long as we have hands to clasp.
Christmas Day will always be
Just as long as we have we
Welcome Christmas while we stand
Heart to heart and hand in hand.

Side note - 2022 should be better, the Swedish goats finally burned.

Y13 D212

Oh look, I was up early again. Been up for a while but it's a payday, which means Christmas Eve or not, bills to be paid, obligations to be handled, etc, etc. The crushing, spinning wheels of capitalism and oppression stop not for the holidays. I somehow have been watching a bunch of ex-pat videos on TikTok and there are so many things we get wrong in this country. The amount of propaganda we consume about how great we are when in comparison we are awful is immense. Everything here is just driven by money and greed. So much that we don't even see it anymore. It's become such an integral part of our existence. It's horrible. We call it the American Dream when it really is just a nightmare. Rant over. We now return you to your regularly scheduled nonsense.

Did little yesterday. We did leave the house to go pick up B's prescription. But that was about it. I try to avoid leaving the house yesterday through tomorrow. We went to a pharmacy that also has some gift items like candles and soaps, and the number of dumb ass old white men still looking for gifts was astounding. Speaking of dumb ass white men, our friend came over last night and made B go to the store with him because HE didn't buy anything yet for his sister, his mother, his grandmother, aka NO ONE. I refused to go with them. When they got back all I heard about was how horrible the lines were at Target/Home Goods/Five Below. You think?? B needed to go with him because she has one job at Xmas - fill the stockings. I wasn't going to hound her about it given everything that's been going on and was ready to accept empty stockings this year, but since B is feeling better, they said they would handle it and suffer the consequences of leaving it until the end. Okay. All you babe. If you do, great, if not, no big deal. They came back with some items and while the stockings won't be full, they won't be empty either and that's a win right now.

As for me, I watched tv, played video games, and helped B's dad fix a faucet in our back bathroom. We took it off the wall, disassembled it, refitted everything, and put it all back together. There was a leak coming from somewhere and we were hoping to not have to replace it. We did it! No leak when we put it all back and I learned something new. Score!

We had Happy's BBQ for dinner as neither of us felt like cooking. Tonight is ham that I have been defrosting for three days. AND THEN TOMORROW IS PRESENTS DAY! I mean JESUS' BIRTHDAY! I mean SATURNALIA! Whatever. Just give me my shit under the tree please.

Y13 D211

More insanely vivid dreams! In this one, Pearl Jam had finally been rescheduled and I had tickets for seats 4a and 4b. But for whatever reason I was on some VIP list so they gave me all this swag when I got in like a Pearl Jam clock. Yes, a clock. I don't know what's up with that. I woke up from that dream at like 1am wide awake and refreshed. I managed to fall back to sleep until 4. Oh well. 4 it is. 

In the morning we went over to B's grandparent's because her sisters were there. Plus we had the fun task of telling them that we will not be coming over on Friday. We refuse to be around unvaxxed people and there will be at least 2 there that we know of. There's no reason for us to be in that small of a space with 20+ people right now. Nope. Unfortunately that news didn't go down to well with B's grandma. She's used to getting her way and one of the reasons she both likes and dislikes me is that I stick up for myself and don't roll over. B started to but I was firm. No, no, no. We had them open their Xmas gift from us which went over meh because she was still being petty about us not coming. Suck it old lady.

Went back home and B went off to her vax appointment. I was starting to feel woozy again and ended up taking a nap. When B got back, THEY ended up taking a six hour nap. In other words, they went to bed at 3pm. C'est la vie. Had a quick dinner, played some video games. I did not watch Matrix yet so please no spoilers. I want to watch it with B. Hopefully that will be tonight. I have therapy this morning and group tonight, but otherwise, nothing on the calendar.

Y13 D210

I slept solid with vivid dream again last night, sort of. When I was asleep I was doing fine sort of. But I woke up many times. 3:20, 3:52, 5:11, 6:20. Each time I slept it was good sleep at least. The in between problems include severe achiness, sever itching, and a sinus headache from the heater. The other two issues are due to my tattoos and my flu-booster. Today the saniderm comes off and I can finally clean these bad boys because they are itching like crazy. Especially the ankle. But today they get washed and cleaned. As for the other, I got both my flu shot and my booster in one sitting yesterday. I absolutely do not regret doing them both at once, but I am sore in the arm from the booster and achy all over from the flu shot. At the same time, my covid antibodies are now 11x times what they were. I got the Moderna booster. 

Yesterday I got up, went to the grocery store at 6am, came back, put everything away, got a couple of steaks for dinner. Got a bunch of misc. stuff we needed. Waited for my appointment. Went over at 9:30, waited until about 9:50. Not horrible, but a wait. Got it done, wandered the store for 15 minutes, went home. All was good until about 2 when I started feeling a bit sluggish. Took a nap, made us dinner when I woke up. We hung out together downstairs until about 10 and I went to bed.

B is doing a LOT better. We got blood results back yesterday. Normal estrogen levels depending on time of month range from 54 - 400 averaging 100-150 parts per whatever. B's? 19. Ya THINK SOMETHING IS WRONG?? 19. In two days there has been a marked improvement now that they're back on the right stuff. Amazing how that works. Sigh.

Going to B's grandparents this morning to tell them face to face we aren't coming for Xmas because too many unvaxxed people will be there. That's gonna be fun. Then B goes in for their shots at 1pm. Let's see how they do LOL

Me, I'm gonna work on some of my projects like the train set, clothes in the closet, and move Plex. Whee!

Y13 D209

I slept like a fucking rock last night. Had very clear, interesting dreams. One of them was like a weird game of tag where I won. The other, I lost a bolt off a motorcycle front wheel while fixing something and watched it bounce down a cliff. Neither dream was bad just very vivid. Vivid enough that I can clearly remember them now. I like when that happens.

So my first real day "off" was not what I hoped. I am actually NOT counting it as PTO because I ended up answering more emails than I did in all of last week. Sorry kids, but if I spend more than 2 hours in emails, that's a work day in my mind. B had a rough morning but it got better. She was supposed to go get her flu shot and booster yesterday (which I am doing today at 10am) and it was not smooth going. First, she forgot her vax card and had to come back. Then she gets back there and they tell her the appointment is for next Monday. Let me tell you, that was not pretty when she got back. This is what I have been talking about when I say one little thing triggers the whole problem. She ended up just giving up and going back to bed.

Meanwhile, I cleaned the cat room, again. Did some reorganization in there, answered emails, and then woke her up to go to the doctor at 2. The doctor was able to make things better. He listened and is making changes to meds. We left with enough samples to stem the tide and by 10pm last night, there was a marked improvement in her mental state. Thank god. We shall see how today is and this is truly a ODAAT type of situation. I am hoping for a positive outcome. 

This morning I am going to the grocery store, then prepping for my shot. I am not opening email today at all. I swear. 

Less then 100 hours until Christmas!

Y13 D208

I am home. It took many, many hours to accomplish, but here I am. I sat at that airport in SF until 3:45 when security finally opened, boarded my first flight at 5:30, arrived in Chicago at 11:45, had a delay, left at 3, and landed in Detroit at 5:45. Car brought me home and I was in the house by 6:30pm. Long day for sure. Nothing exciting or eventful happened during the day, just long.

B had Qdoba waiting for us. I ate, unpacked, helped with feeds, did laundry, cleaned up in the cat room, and collapsed in bed at 10pm. I slept for 9 hours. Much needed sleep.

Today starts day one of my official vacation. I am answering no emails. I have to take B to the doctor at 2:30pm, am finishing up laundry, and starting in on MY to do list. First up is some reorganizing in my office.

Y13 D207

At the airport. I missed getting through security by 10 minutes. Why so early? They changed the terminals here and i am being paranoid. No other reason. At least I am here and now just gave to wait until 3:45 when they open back up. Is what it is. My flight boards at 4:50am and I am at gate 26 which is going to be a good 10-15 minute walk in this new terminal. Hence, why I wanted to be here at the butt-crack of dawn. I had hoped to get past security but alas, not to be.

Yesterday was up and down. I went to Sacramento to see the kid and had a great time hanging out with her. We caught up on everything, had Joe's Crab Shack for lunch, did a little shopping, and spent about 4-5 hours together. Took me about 90 minutes to get there in the morning and I didn't wait too long for her. However, while I was there B called me having another fucking breakdown and this time threatening she was going to take all the pills again. FUCK ME. I had to make some quick phone calls, get someone over there, and make sure they could spend the night. They locked all the meds in the house in my office and hid the key as well. That was fun. Depending on delays, I get home around 6:30 tonight which means they only have to be alone and unsupervised for about 5-6 hours today. A scary amount of time but also manageable. I can't keep doing this. I really didn't relax this whole trip. I was constantly worried and had to be on phone duty the whole time. Having to call her friends constantly is getting tiresome. They are going to have lives and won't always be able to drop everything. We need this issue resolved. We're going to the doctor tomorrow at 2pm and this fucker better take care of things. I can't take much more of this. It's good I am home for the next two weeks with no real obligations, but I also have things I want to do. Thursday I have my therapy session and will be discussing this with her in depth.

After getting everything squared away at home, I headed back. 3 hours. Yep. The same trip that took 90 minutes, took three fucking hours. I was trying to see about getting on a flight last night but by the time I got back to the hotel and got stuff packed, I wouldn't have made it anyway and I would have been here even longer. So I packed all my stuff, got 4 hours of sleep and here we are. 14 hours until I get home. Three airports, two flights. I can do this.

Y13 D206

Yesterday was kind of rough. Not so much for me but for B. She tried talking to her doctor's office about changing meds, again, and the doctor was like oh I want to do some bloodwork first. THEN the bitch had the nerve to say "how does jan 14th look". WTF? A MONTH FROM NOW?? Are you fucking kidding me?? My wife can't get out of bed because of this shit, her heat is radiating from her and melting the cats, and you want her to wait a month for an appointment, a week for results, and two more weeks for things to kick in? My dude, no. After bawling on the phone with the doctor's office, she got in on Monday for an emergency appointment. Now I am going with her and I am going to bitch slap this doctor to get her on the right combo of drugs. Secondarily, she lost another family member to COVID and it's been triggering her because she has a half dozen friends who are straight up too lazy to go get vaxxed. She has had it with them and is about to kick them out of her life which would be emotionally devasting. So yeah, I was trying to have lunch with my buddy who is going through his own shit including a dementia riddled mother in law who is shitting in her own hands, while trying to get someone to babysit my wife because she is bawling her head off at me on the phone. There was a large block of time yesterday that sucked all oy energy completely out. 

"All the world's weight is on my back and I don't even know why"

That is how yesterday felt in a nutshell. I was so exhausted I ended up doing DoorDash for dinner and ate some pretty decent japanese food in my room. Food was good for sure. Just sitting in the room bummed me out but I didn't have the energy left to deal with driving anywhere. That was my day.

Today I am driving two hours to meet the kid. Hopefully it will be a relaxing day. Leaving in a couple of hours.

Y13 D205

Long day yesterday but very rewarding. My company meeting went well. We set some new directions for 2022 that will have me doing a variety of things versus just sitting in the dark talking. Now I get to sit in the dark and talk to more people. Seriously though, it will expand what I do, add more skills to my resume, and give me more input into the business. I can handle that. We came up with some first quarter projects which will actually be exciting and keep my brain occupied. I didn't enjoy sitting in a room for 5 hours and for the first time notcied how much I can't sit still any more. I found myself pacing the room, just standing every so often, etc. That was interesting to me. My boss brought wine, chocolate, and cheese for me as a Christmas present. I accepted the chocolate and cheese. No wine for me thanks. Mostly because I didn't want to deal with bringing it on the plane. I appreciated the gesture, just wrong time and place. There were 5 of us in the room and 2 on the phone remote. We covered a lot of areas, I got to voice some of the things that I felt we've been doing poorly on, and we discussed how to improve on these things. All in all, a productive time.

From there I went to my artist's house. We were supposed to start at 2. Yeah right. This is what drives me nuts about people who are artists. Very talented in what they can do, horrible at time management skills. She even had booked a 5pm after me and when she told me that I just laughed. I said to her we won't finish until 7. At 6:59pm she wrapped me up. Do not doubt MY time management skills. I know exactly how long these kinds of things will take. We did touch up on my left leg first, then worked on my ankle. Some advice: never get an ankle tattoo. Ow. Ow. Ow. That shit hurts. A lot. I looks amazing but, ow. Finished up, headed back to the hotel. I bought a salad at the store on Wednesday in prep that I wouldn't feel up to going anywhere for dinner. That paid off. I sat in my room, ate my salad, caught up on emails, and went to bed.

Today plans changed and I am now having lunch with my friend. Oh well. It is what it is. At least I get to see him. I think there's some home strife he doesn't want to drag me into and I can respect that. I will find out at lunch. The downside is now I have something to do for like an hour today and that's it. The rest of the day is open. Oh well. Tomorrow is kid day and that will be fun.

Okay, only 4.5 hours to kill until I have to leave. Whee.

Y13 D204

I haven't had to work on a laptop in a while and these keys are driving me a bit crazy. I was trying to playing a game last night and kept hitting the wrong key because my finger was always one above where it was supposed to be. Forgive any typos today okay people?

Plus the internet here is less than optimal so hopefully this will even publish. Ah, travel, how I have missed you.

Long day. Quick flight to Charlotte, about 2 hours in the air. Did not like NC. No masks being work anywhere in the airport by the entitled old white people. Of course they were all on my flight. FIVE wheelchairs. The average age up front not counting me was 106. Seriously. And they talked. And talked. And talked. For five hours. It was a long flight. Got to SFO and they have redone the terminals. What used to be a five minute walk to the air tram took thirty. WTF? Finally got to my car, hit the grocery store, got to the hotel. Went to dinner around 5. Went to a favorite mexican place and had food I haven't been able to have in a long time. REAL Mexican food. Not some bullshit white people food. REAL food. Man it was good. Came back to hotel, confirmed all my details for tomorrow, played some games, went to bed around 9 because time travel.

Yes, I was up at 3:45am here today because again, time travel. I have to go all of a quarter mile to our offices today for my meeting. Then at 2pm, I got for ink. Should finish up my 6 or 7. Dinner, bed. Tomorrow no plans in the day other than Jollibee. Then heading over to the beach to see friends.

You know, a relaxing get away. Ha.

Y13 D203

IT IS GO TIME!! ONE HOUR UNTIL I LEAVE!! WOO!

Did nothing yesterday. Had a hair appointment, finalized packing, helped B reorganize the fridge and plan for meals this week, got groceries in the morning. Like I said, nothing.

Went to bed around 8, got 5 hours of sleep. Good to go. Yeah. Go from here to NC then SFO. 2 hr, 2 hr layover, 5.5 hour. Get there at 1pm PST. Man I am looking forward to this trip more than I can share. 

Y13 D202

In less than 24 hours I will be on my way to the airport to get the fuck out of this house for five days. I did it. I made it. I have never been more excited to go ANYWHERE than I am right now. Fuck these cats, fuck these axies, I AM DONE WITH BEING HERE. 22.5 hours. That's it. I can sleep for 6 of those so 16.5 hours awake. So goddamn close. I have my out of office set to kick in at 3pm today. 

My class was good yesterday. I got to end the year with a good group. They were attentive, they got the material, they asked good questions. A good way to end the year. We finished around 5pm, I made dinner, watched TV, finalized packing, went to bed. Uneventful.

Today I have groceries, documents, hair appointment. Then bed. Then gone. Gone. Gone.

Y13 D201

THIS IS IT! THE LAST CLASS OF THE YEAR TODAY! WOOO! At about 5pm today I will not have to talk to another student until Jan 5th. Ironically, on that day I will be teaching the same group I am teaching today. At least I will start the year off with a group I know. 

Didn't do anything yesterday as planned. Played some video games, had leftovers for dinner. Honestly, I can't remember what else I did. I didn't leave the house. Hmm. Present came from the kid, I wrapped that up. Straightened up a bit. Nope. Not much else going on. Not complaining, just trying to remember. Oh well. My back is hurting a little bit this morning. I need to soak it tonight in the tub. Some epsom salts should help. I cannot get on a plane Wednesday with back pain. I have long flights and can't handle that.

Okay. Nothing is coming back to my memory so we will call that yesterday and move on. 

Y13 D200

Yesterday was a good day. You know how nice it is to say that? There was a lot of self care going on yesterday plus just a slower paced amount of movement. You can also see, I managed to sleep in significantly this morning. So there.

The morning started out with me going to the lash place and for the first time in 20+ months, having my lashes tinted and lifted. They look so wonderful and it makes me happy. I used to go right down the street and could get there in like 3 minutes but my tech moved and changed shops. Same company, different location. It's about 30 minutes away now and worth the drive. She is the best. This got proven yesterday during my appointment. There was a high wind advisory in effect yesterday morning and I could feel it pushing even on my truck while driving to the salon. We were both very excited to see each other as it's been so long. Happiness all around. She starts putting the solution on my eyes and the power goes out. Yep. But you can't stop really once you've started this process. She then proceeds to finish my lashes in the dark with me holding her phone flashlight above my eyes. What an experience. We got to talk and catch up all in the dark. 

I was gone from about 10-1 for my appointment and them me, B, and our friend went to the thrift store. I got a new sweatshirt for $9 which made me happy. Came back home, relaxed, and B made peppers for dinner. We played some video games together and then for the first time post surgery, we had some us time. Yeah. Woo! THAT was really enjoyable let me tell you what. After we played more video games and went to bed around 1.

Like I said, it was a good day.

Nothing planned for today. Getting as packed as I can ready to go on Wednesday. It's in my sights finally. Almost there. Stay on target.

Y13 D199

I've been up for a little while. I was planning on sleeping in a bit but you know how it is when you're all nice and asleep and then your wife yells something at the top of their lungs in their sleep. Good times. So yeah, I'm awake now. Thanks. Been putzing around though and not moving too quickly. I have to leave here at 10 for my appointment so not rushing. 

Let's see, what did I do yesterday...

- bills

- bills

- bills

- groceries

- therapy

- document work

- made dinner 

- passed out

Yep. There it is in nice easy to consume bullet format. My life can be reduced down to a simple list. Good work. Nothing left to see here.

Y13 D198

One of the best changes in computing was the introduction of dark mode as a default setting in applications. Man I hate looking at a bright screen at 4:30 in the morning. Give me dark mode any day. Anyway...

Taught my second to last class of the year yesterday. Ended up being a small group because as I always say, people start falling off this time of year. Projects needing to be finished by year's end, people having shit to do, whatever the reason, training takes a side for most people. They want to spend their money, yes, but they don't really want their employees unavailable. You know, logic. As long as I get paid, I don't give a shit.

Class went until 5:30, got ready, went to group. Good group this week. One new member. This week's topic was mindfulness. I don't know if I agree with some of what was discussed as my brain is not wired in a way to handle quiet like others do, but it was interesting to discuss. 

My monthly stipend for expenses got approved. Technically not a raise, but whatever. I get more money monthly and that's all that matters. Just entered my first one. Let's see how long it takes to get transferred.

Therapy today. Bills today. Groceries. Guest for dinner. B's friend so not a big deal but other human in my house. Then I have some stuff to do on the weekend, then one last class on Monday and I am done for the fucking year.

Y13 D197

Had some really weird dreams last night. In one of them I was taking a college intro to computing class and it was the final. The prof and I both knew I didn't need to be in the class but it was mandatory. But for some reason I didn't finish the final in time. Sounds like the story of my life doesn't it? I know I know all this but I don't finish it in time. Interesting.

Taught all day. Made dinner. Played video games. Went to bed. Same shit different day. Less than one week until I get out of town. I need to go. I have a bad sinus pressure headache this morning. It needs to go away before I have to teach the same shit I taught yesterday but to a different group. Mind numbing. My life.

Y13 D196

Got my doc done yesterday. Feedback so far has been good. It was a four page detailed discussion point document for next week. I am sure not everyone will want to talk about some of these topics but shit needs to be said and discussed as a group. Otherwise, we will not survive another year as a team or a company. This is my biggest fear. I will have to find a new job because the company just doesn't have the money to keep going. It's rough for people like us right now. We've seen at least two competitors fold in the last 2 years. Don't want us to be next.

Made pork chops for dinner. Watched some tv. Did a little laundry. I need to pack at some point. I will probably pack on Sunday. Close enough to leaving, but not so far out I am digging things out to use before I go. I have to text my driver to make sure we're still good. This time next week I will be in the air getting the fuck out of Dodge. Much excite.

Today is session two with Monday's group. If things go the same I should finish around 5:30 again. Taking lamb out for dinner. Just making it through. I don't get to sleep in until Sunday sadly. Tomorrow is another class, Friday is groceries, therapy, and possibly a class. Saturday is lash day. Sunday is my only sleep in day for a while. Whee.

Y13 D195

I did something I haven't done in a while this morning. I slept through two alarms. I feel bad whenever that happens because I worry about waking up B. Plus it makes me groggy. But this why I set four alarms six minutes apart. My version of a snooze button. I finally got up on the third one. I didn't stay up late last night, but I guess I just needed the sleep. 

Decent group yesterday. They were not as advanced as they claimed to be once we started digging into things, but they were responsive, attentive, and did their best. I can't ask for more than that. I have three more sessions with this same group - tomorrow, next Monday, and one in Jan, and should have no issues working with them. All good. We finished around 5:30pm exactly though. No leaving early with this group. Oh well.

After class we made chicken bowls for dinner with shredded chicken, cauliflower rice, and broccoli. Turned out quite tasty. After dinner and dishes, played some video games. I must have been tired last night because around 8 I dozed off for 20 minutes with one of the cats on me. They were just snuggled up right and purring so loud I drifted. I wish I could say I am going to sleep in when I am out of town next week, but the truth is, I will be up early all days I am there because of things to do. Next Friday is really the only day I will be able to sleep and odds are, I won't do that. No, it's not until I get back home and have no obligations until Jan that I will get some sleep.

Speaking of cats, we took one into the vet yesterday. Looks like she might have a bladder infection or UTI. She's been peeing out of the box and doctor ran all tests. We will know today what's going on. Wish us the best and that it turns out to be an easy fix.

Today I am doc writing so a light day.

Y13 D194

As planned, didn't do much of anything yesterday. Played video games with B, did tank stuff, ate leftovers for dinner. It was cold and rainy all day and the perfect day to hide in the house. We had no obligations so this wasn't an issue. We really didn't do much. Oh, I did a load of laundry. 

Almost done for the year. Three classes this week, one next week that are official. But really next week it's just Monday. Tuesday is open, then I leave on Wednesday. OH! I just remembered something. I had a dream I was traveling and forgot to check in for my flight. I had to get to the counter. That's it. I also had a dream I was at a movie theater drinking margaritas which is weird as I hate tequila. 

Time to prep for today's group. New group. They are today, Wednesday, and next Monday. Let's see what they're like.

Y13 D193

Two days in a row I slept in!! Woo! It's a Christmas miracle it tis! Of course I stayed up until almost 1am last night just watching TV with B so it's not like I slept any longer, just later. Regardless, it's nice to not feel rushed. 

Ran a couple of errands yesterday morning. Did laundry. Played video games. Made steaks. Watched TV. A nice drama free Saturday. Felt good. No big issues to discuss or report. Just daily life without any real problem. I like days like that.

Let's hope for a repeat today please.

Y13 D192

Look at me sleeping in until after 7am.Go me.

Yesterday started okay but quickly devolved. I went to three damn grocery store in order to get everything off the list and that just drove me nuts. Too many places in too short a period made me cranky and angry. Which then took my head into a bad place. By the time my therapy appointment started I was knee deep in Tool ready to either kill a bitch or drive into traffic. One or the other was on the verge of going down. Luckily I was able to use my hour to get it all off my chest and walked out feeling much better. I then decided unless I wanted to go back down the path with the dark passenger (yes, I have been re-watching Dexter so I can watch New Blood), I needed a break. I took a mental health day for myself. Much enjoyment was had. I took a nap, worked on a couple of small projects, cooked a game hen, watched the Matrix because why not, did feeds, and basically had a me day. Long overdue if you ask me. I am less than two weeks until my trip, have a full week of training coming up next week, and just needed the break. I am feeling much better as a result.

Couple of errands planned for this morning, otherwise, nothing major for this weekend.

Y13 D191

Up and moving. Grocery store this morning. Therapy after that. Gotta move gotta go. Things to do. Feel like the white rabbit. Always late, always behind. Always losing things. 

Worked on docs. Gave a webinar. Went to group. Blending together. What day is it? What year is it? I don't know any more. Two weeks until I go away. Check in with my tattoo girl. All is good. Just got to make it through one more week. Hold on. Can I hold on a little longer?

Y13 D190

You ever just forget what day it is? Old people thing? Pandemic thing still? Or just overworked and confused? Regardless, I struggled yesterday with remembering what day it was and what I had to do. This is when it's easier when I teach. I know what I am doing something, when I am doing it, and when I am done. Otherwise I get very messed up and can't figure out what time it is or day. Especially when the sky outside doesn't make it clear. Is it 9am, noon, or midnight? I don't know because they all look the fucking same. Whee. 

Did some doc work and had a meeting for our onsite next month. That actually went well. I managed to secure a new title for 2022 (my choice). I also will get a $500 a month expense reimbursement. Not the raise I was after, but less money out of my pocket which helps. That's $500 that can go towards other things. I have to submit an invoice every month for "business expenses" but will get a straight deposit. This includes a percent of my mortgage, truck payment, internet, groceries, etc. Anything I would be spending or using if we had an actual office. I can handle that. 

Made joe's special for dinner. Played video games with B. Had rough sleep. I woke up this morning right in the middle of a rem cycle which sucked. I was in the middle of a weird ass dream. Oh well. It is gone now to the nether. Just like the rest of my brain.

Only two outstanding Christmas presents. One for B, one for the kid's BF. The latter will arrive friday, the former should arrive Saturday. If so, I will be done. I am two weeks from my road trip. Let's hope the covid greek alphabet calms the fuck down in the next two weeks.

Y13 D189

Wow, two days in a row I had decent groups. Amazing. Part of the reason yesterday was good was because it's a group I had taught in the past. They knew what to expect, I knew who would be responsive, all good. We went until about 6, and called it a day. No stress no issues. Ate leftovers for dinner because I didn't feel like cooking a whole meal late. I did go out after class. Went to the vape shop to see if they carried something B wanted. They didn't have it in stock but since they know me the owner said he would try to order it. Then I popped in to Ulta for something I wanted. It wasn't much of an outside trip, but it was better than nothing. The snow is melting which is good. Over the next week we should get some showers but nothing huge is predicted. I am mostly worried about delays in my flights in two weeks. I leave two weeks from today. Just let me get out of town weather gods. It's all I ask.