Slept like shit last night. Rain. Heat. Cats. All intent on keeping me awake. Got bills to pay. Classes to teach. Can't focus. Ugh. It's going to be a long day.
Worked on blog posts yesterday. Have to rewrite 14. Bleh. Made steaks for dinner. Watched TV. Went to bed. Sorry. Just not all here this morning. Too much to do. Ask me again tomorrow.
I couldn't drag my ass out of bed this morning. Slept like shit. Was up multiple times due to bad dreams. In one I was getting arrested for building a secret office behind an office. I don't get it either. I had other similar weird ass dreams. I honestly don't know what was going on in my head yesterday.
Taught, meetings, dealt with B, made dinner, watched some tv, went to bed. Nothing exciting. It started to fucking snow during the day because why not. I don't know what the weather will be like today and I don't think it knows either. Done with it. Done with everything.
I don't want to be up this morning. Am very sleepy. Not in a bad way, more in a I just want to stay in bed with my woman and cuddle sort of way. We were very cozy in the bed and now I am not. Poop. Stupid get up morning time. I have to teach in 3.5 hours so I have to be up. BUT a nice nap could be in my future as it's only a half day class.
Started my day off by going to the grocery store to get stuff for dinner. The store had pineapples on sale for 99 cents. It was a limit 2 but I got around that. Bwahaha. I got two on the first trip to the store. After the store, I headed to the doctor to have EIGHT vials of blood removed. Eight. Felt like I had been drained. Came back home a little woozy and had to lay down for a few minutes. Got up, started working. While I was working C saw an article for new blizzard flavors at DQ. Peanut butter puppy chow. In the car. Now. Oh look, DQ is next to the grocery store. Oh my, who got two more pineapples. We now have four. Yes, there will be a lot of pineapple dishes being cooked for the next week. Oops. Tonight will be mahi served inside a pineapple. Nom nom nom. Did more work, had a meeting, then we made dinner. We made a bellpepper based cream sauce to serve over pasta with chicken. VERY unique and tasty. After dinner we took a walk to settle our stomachs, then came back and plopped on the couch. We watched a little tv, played a little video game, hit the bed by 10pm. I would say all in all, a pretty darn good day.
Today teach, nap, dinner. Maybe the sex. We shall see.
Two months and I will have survived a year. Go me.
I'm doing okay this morning. We were both exhausted last night and we were in bed by 9:45. I taught from 9:30 until almost 6 so that took up my whole day. After teaching we had the lazy girl dinner of chili dogs and mac & cheese. It was wonderful. Then we watched the new animated Batman movie. I enjoyed it. Honestly, that was the whole day. B came by and picked up all but one fucking box. One box. Seriously?? It's like the person who "accidentally" leaves their sweater behind to have to come back over. Enough. Take your shit and go. Hopefully today will mark the end. Nothing left after today please. One can dream. Regardless, other than this one box and the axies, they are poof. Gone. No more. I know I should be all weepy and breaking down, but um, no. On that front, I truly am okay. I disengaged so long ago that this isn't impacting me at all to be honest. Funny how that is. My feelings have so been gone that I should be mourning the end in some way, but there's nothing to mourn. Cest la vie.
Have to go have bloodwork done this morning so no frosty morning beverage for me. That sucks. I like my morning beverage. This water stuff doesn't cut it. Bleh.
I have a splitting headache this morning. The rain and pressure changes are messing with me. My throat is dryer than the sahara. I can't wait until we are back on the west coast where I can open a window at night and suck up some real air. I am a month away. One month. I can make it. I have to make it.
We had a good day yesterday. We were up hella early, went to the store to get what we needed for dinner and to make a cheesecake. The cheesecake came out incredible. I was very happy with it. I think I would have put it in the freezer to solidify it a little more since it was banana split and the topping was a little softer than I would have liked. But the taste was fabulous and I was really happy with it. We made it because around 7 we had our friend come over with her brother. Her brother does drywall and I wanted his opinion and a quote on the basement. He feels he can do his part for around $700 but he doesn't do the framing. I need to find someone else for that. Okay. But overall he thinks what I want to do is very realistic and shouldn't be too crazy to tackle. Maybe in a few months we will have a bedroom and closet finally in the basement. Only took four years.
During the day we played Diablo. Like a serious amount. We're both enjoying the game immensely and can't wait for full release. I will pre-order us both a copy soon enough. It doesn't come out until June, but we get pre-order bonuses we both want. So, it shall be done. Probably not until May though. Too much else going on. Heard from the kid. She put together a document of things to do when we are there. I appreciate her so much. She's the best. She's having some work issues right now and is looking for something new, but she's optimistic about finding something. She is looking at a lot of remote positions which I think is great. She's about to learn though that out of state she won't get the same pay she's getting right now. That's my only fear for her.
After our friends left last night, somehow we ended up in bed again. Yeah, I know. This is what I get for being with a horny younger person. So much complaining, can't you tell? We fell asleep around 11. I have to teach three times this week but luckily today's doesn't start until later. B is supposed to come by during the day and FINALLY get the last of their stuff. We shall see if that happens.
GOOD FUCKING MORNING PEOPLE! It's NOT a beautiful day outside, but in here it's black sunshine and 900mph already. Grip the wheel tight baby, let's do this. God I hate Illinois nazis. What? I have no fucking idea. I am just streaming live what's in my head. When you want to be with me then we will see who's fuckin' with head.
Hi. Let's do this. Yesterday was a long wonderful day. We had to get up early for C to have her hair done. She has been growing it out so that she could cut it. Literally. She wanted to do an undercut but needed it to grow out in a couple of places first. Well that damn girl's hair grows more than an inch a month. When our girl started taking the extensions out to redo them she was like, you know, it's long enough to do what you want. What? Really? Fuck yeah let's do it. What started out as a simple re-do of extensions turned into a full blown haircut with highlights. Let me tell you, the new hair? Fucking hot. The best part is that it's done so well that if she parts to one side it's this chic edgy cut but flip it back over and the girl is going to church in the south. Perfect. No length was taken away except in the part where it's shaved. Best part? I got to help. I took the razor and did a big chunk of it. Fucking hot. It was thrilling for me. While they worked on the color and highlights, I went to the store to get other stuff for our house projects for the day. When we got home we hunkered down and got busy with household stuff. I installed a new toilet seat, hung a towel hook, did laundry, all while C cleaned the house, did the floors, counters, etc. We work so well together as a team. It's so fucking refreshing to have a real partner. Someone who's there to actually help me and doesn't spend the whole time getting high and coughing for 20 minutes. Once we finished up all our responsibilities, it was Diablo time. We played for about 2 hours and ended up in bed. Not sure how THAT happened but yeah we had some intense afternoon sex. Best kind baby, unplanned and just raw passion. We both were starved after that and I made us dinner. Lamb chops on top of couscous with sauteed zucchini. Perfect. Guess what we did after? No, not that. We did think about it though. No, back to Diablo for four hours. We're both loving the game and will definitely pre-order next month. Headed to bed around 11:30pm and slept solid.
It snowed yesterday. Yeah, I know. But today should be somewhat decent. Too bad we have more Diablo to play bitches.
It's raining again and we have to go out in less than three hours to a hair appointment for C. Of course we do. The one day I was able to sleep in, nope. Not today sunshine. Oops. There's no sunshine in this state. Who am I kidding?
As expected yesterday was very long and tiresome but we got through it. My group was surprisingly good and interactive which made the day less horrible. But the best part of yesterday was that after years of waiting, Diablo IV open beta started. We played together for at least a good 3 hours. Enough to get our feet wet and get our characters up to level 10. The beta is only open for the weekend and then we have to wait until June for the full release, but it was definitely a fun time. Not going to lie. The cutscenes are incredible. C has never played a Diablo game and was instantly hooked. I played the first one, what, 26 years ago? I remember me and X2 playing a lan party together and the excitement we had taking Diablo down that first time was such a rush. We had the same kind of feeling last night. Especially for C as it was her first time to the world of the game. It was funny watching us play because I am so familiar with the layout it took me seconds to jump right in. She was reading the tutorials and missing stuff but we both had a blast. We made meatball subs for dinner and right after dinner jumped on to play. We have stuff to do today, but once we are free, we're heading back to Sanctuary.
Had therapy yesterday too. Gave me a chance to rant about B. I needed to get some shit off my chest. They still have stuff in my damn house. They came over yesterday and once again left without finishing. It's so little stuff right now that's it more an annoyance than anything. It's like seeing a few straggler ants left after you've wiped out a colony in your house. It's not enough to anger you, but it pisses you off when you see one. A did bring over this camera they're trying to sell. They are so clueless. This is a Fuji XT-20 mirrorless camera. Even used the body alone still sells for $600. The lenses they included are worth about $1300. They want $400 for everything. Um done and done? I started playing with it last night and love it. We're going to take it on our trip and have a good time with it. I got them to let me pay in installments so it doesn't kill my budget but I am not walking away from two grand in equipment for $400.
That's all that's going on right now. Time to shower and head out soon.
We both had a rough night. I bent my finger back in my sleep and had a really bad dream that had me up at 12:30 - 1:30, then around 3, C got sick from something we ate and was up throwing up. Not a good night for either of us. I have to teach today too and am not looking forward to it.
Yesterday was okay. The whole day was raining and dreary and it affected us both. We were just subdued all day. The cats drove us both nuts. I prepped for today, she did school but in general it was a quiet day. I made fish and chips for dinner. We played Pokemon and just kind of chilled all night.
Today is going to be long and tiresome, I already feel it.
Only 65 more days and this first year's adventure will wrap up. Can you believe it? Where has the last year gone my friends? So many changes, so many things happening. It's crazy. But let's focus on the here and now, shall we?
Had a good day yesterday. Did some prep work in the morning for a 2 hour open office session. Had over 150 people show up for it. Not too shabby. Had about 10 questions before hand from registrants so that got me through the first 40 minutes before I opened up the floor. A couple of the questions from the audience were perfect for a large group while some were very niche to a particular person's environment. All in all, nothing stumped me or caused me to get flustered. Perfect. In the morning before hand I had taken Marble to the vet and I was worried I would come into the meeting upset. Luckily the cat is doing good. She's put on 1.1 pounds. The doctor wants to see her get one more pound on before I stop her double feeding. But we're slowly reintroducing dry food to get her off the wet. She's not going to like it, but it must be done before I leave on my trip. Since everything looked good, no charge. That makes me happy. I do so love my vet. After class we played Pokemon and then I made dinner. Made stuff porkchops that came out really nice. They were stuffed with basically spinach dip with sundried tomatoes. I enjoyed them quite a bit. I am liking my re-found interest in cooking. C calls it "forbidden food" cooking since a lot of what I have been making is stuff B wouldn't eat or even let me make in the house. We both get a kick out of our "forbidden" meals. Makes us smile. After dinner we made each other smile in the bedroom. Hubba hubba. Was up until midnight as a result, but so worth it. Running a 23% for the month and almost 8% for the year. Hell yes I have a spreadsheet and a report on this. I need to know. I need to feel I have made the right call. Metrics work for me and I don't care. The goal is a 30% for the year. That's roughly 110 times in a year or 9-10 times per month. Right now we're averaging 9 times per month. I am happy with that number thank you very much. After a year of this I will stop but it won't ever leave my mind. Not after the last 10 years. Sorry. Too important to me. Anyway. Nothing serious on the agenda today. Some paperwork kind of stuff and then a full day of teaching tomorrow. Doing fish and chips tonight. Make the batter myself. This will be fun.
I had to teach late yesterday. First time doing that in a while. Forgot how much I hate it. I spent the morning pacing around waiting to start and didn't finish until 6pm but then had errands to run. We decided to eat out because I didn't want to cook at 7pm. Just a pain in the ass. I was so tired by the time we got home around 8 I didn't want to do anything else. I was just drained. I felt bad for C because she had a ton of energy and I was a lump. I need to make it up to her today. None of the errands were anything exciting either. Vape shop, groceries, etc. Just stuff I needed to get done. The only upside is the weather is finally not sucking. It was pleasant outside and we got to enjoy a bit of the sun. I will take it. Have a presentation today at 2, have to take Marble to the vet at 10:15. Fun times.
Had to deal with a shit storm yesterday. Early in the morning I sent a message to some internal folks confirming today's training as I had heard nothing back. I took a quick break around 9am to get some stuff at the store including a prescription, and when I got back, I had TWENTY emails waiting for me. See the client thought we were still doing today's class BUT they failed to send us back a contract. So our guy assumed it wasn't happening. Nope. The next hour was spent scrambling to set up 15 students, get materials, enter everyone in, etc. Major clusterfuck. But now I am teaching today and Friday. Woo. I got a new hat though yesterday so that's a positive. B came over for more shit. Didn't take everything yet though. What a shock. Getting there. Made stuffed chicken breasts for dinner. Watched some dumb tv. Was in bed by 11. Now to go get ready for a class. A little over a month until I get a break. I can do it.
I learned yesterday afternoon we were 30-45 minutes ahead of a major 100+ car pile up on the freeway we had been driving on. It didn't reopen until about noon yesterday. Almost 20 hours of closure. If we had stalled or dawdled at all, we might not be here right now. Scary thought. I told everyone we were driving through some crazy shit. I am grateful we made it home safely.
Had a good day yesterday. With the basement opened up I was able to move some stuff around. I moved two bookcases and all of my Funko pops. They are finally no longer hidden away like some embarrassment. They take up an entire wall which is insane, but they're out and they are on display finally. That makes me happy. Also moved the movie theater seats down there freeing up space upstairs. This is what has been bugging me for months. I have felt like everything is crammed upstairs giving me no room. Now it is spread back out. I can breathe. There's still a lot left to be done, but it feels better and calmer. We played video games together including getting Pokemon Scarlet. C is a huge Pokemon lover so I downloaded it for the switch so we could both play. We had leftovers for dinner, watched some TV, and headed off to bed around 10:30. Fell asleep around 11. One of the things I really like is when we go to bed, we don't just do a quick peck and a good night. We cuddle, we talk, we make out. For both of us, it's our favorite time of day. Our needs are aligned well in this respect. It's funny how little things you didn't realize were important make such a difference when they become part of your daily acts. It's also the stuff we will need to work on maintaining as the relationship grows and gets "older" if you will. It's easy to slip into bad routine as we all know. That was a huge downfall for me and B. Daily life took its toll. I know there's more to it than that, but it doesn't help. Every relationship I learn. I grow. I know what's worth holding on to and letting go. This nightly bonding is important to keep and keep I shall.
Trying to find out my schedule for the week. I have a training class on the calendar but I have no details on it. May or may not happen at this point. Have a public talk session on Wednesday. Need to prep for that today. Not much else going on.
The weather here is going to kill me. No seriously. Yesterday was the most unhinged day I have seen in 4 years. I watched it go from a blizzard to sunny to rain in the span of 24 hours. It was insane. We did have a really good busy day though. We also had a ton of fun together. It's nice having fun again. So here's the day and how it went.
We got up relatively early given that I didn't fall asleep until almost 1am according to my phone. We were out of the house by 9:30 to avoid all of the drama and chaos of B coming over to get their stuff. When we left it was lightly snowing but mostly looking like it was going to clear up. Our destination was the big rock shop a little under 2 hours away. Just far enough we couldn't be called on to help, but not so far we didn't mind the drive. If there was an emergency we could be right back if needed. Perfect. Well, halfway into our trip we get stuck in this:
And that picture doesn't do it full justice. We had a good stretch with zero visibility multiple times. But then we drive 2-3 miles and the sun would be out. What the hell?? It was crazy. We got to the rock shop and I had to sit for a few minutes to calm myself down. We slid a couple of times both on the freeway and off. When we got off the freeway I had to go into 4-wheel drive because the roads had gone from clear to an inch of snow in minutes. It was coming down like crazy when we went inside the rock shop. We did get some very nice rocks:
But here's the fun part; we come out of the rock shop and the same parking lot that was previously covered in snow? Yeah, it's now clear because the sun came out. But it was raining. Um ok. We got have lunch at a cute mexican place and while we're in there, the blizzard comes back. We were worried we'd be stuck it was coming down so hard. While we're at lunch, I see one of the people helping B is typing me a message and then it stops. For giggles I decided to open up the camera in the basement. There I see them trying to take apart the treadmill. MY treadmill. I am like that stays people. That led to a "fun" discussion between me and B. In the end I won and it stayed, but man did it piss me and C off. Here's something that they haven't touched in two years, that C uses regularly, and they are deciding NOW that they want it? No. Mine. It's staying dammit. After that fiasco we had to decide what to do next. We didn't want to head home yet. Instead of driving we tried to wait it out and went next door to the butcher. We got 45lbs of meat to stuck up the freezer which also included 5lbs of french fries. All of that for $175. Not too shabby. We now have enough proteins to last us through the summer.
After that we got donuts. Why? Why the hell not. I love the donuts from Sweetwater Donut Mill and who knows when I will get them again.
Finally we headed home. Into sunshine. Into clear roads all the way home. That is until we get to the park where decide to kill another hour playing Pokemon and it fucking starts snowing on us again. ARGH. We got home around 5:30pm and the only relief we got was this:
A mostly empty basement. What you don't see is the entire room of junk they left behind. Seriously. Of course they also left the axies. Whatever. I can now start rearranging that area to make it work for me. That's the plan for today. Make some headway and progress and feel like it's my damn house again. We noshed on donuts and leftovers after putting everything away. We watched a little tv and then we both got frisky. Next thing you know it's midnight and we're exhausted in a good way. We fall asleep hard. I woke up at 5 and said fuck this. Back to bed until 7:30. And here we are. I want a slow quiet day. Oh, and the sun is out. Fuck me.
Welcome to the weekend!! The weekend where B gets the majority of her shit out of my basement!! WOO! Very excited about this. So excited because I won't be here. But when I get home there should be significantly less down there bitches! One step closer to moving on. I ended up having a decent day yesterday. I was up until 1am because yes, we went at it again starting around 9pm. Oh well. What can I say, we are attracted to each other. What a weird concept. But the day itself was pretty good. Got some work stuff done, made dinner, had an Irish feast which included homemade bread. Paid bills. $800 of which were someone else's. See why I want them on their own feet?? We went to the store to get C's prescription. Played some video games together. A good day was had. Now today we're going to the big rock store to give us something to do so we don't get roped into helping. Other than that, not much on our plate. Can't wait to see that space "empty" tonight.
The snow has given way to rain. I will take rain. Rain I can process and handle better mentally. Happy St Patrick's Day to you all. Yes, I am cooking. 25 hour corned beef. It's all bill day. Doing that next. Joy. Yesterday was a rough day for me. I woke up to Agador puking on the bed, then dealt with Marble pissing on the floor and hamper. I am done with these cats. Like completely done. Something is wrong with Marble and they can't tell me what it is. Really starting to drive me crazy. Did my webinar. Got out of the house so B could pack more. Okay, I am not really focused on this right now. I need to go pay bills and stress out. There's nothing to talk about right now. It's the same shit different day. Let's try this again tomorrow.
We had a wonderful day yesterday. I know it's silly to celebrate something as arbitrary as six months, but given all that has happened to me in the last year, I was impressed by the milestone. We made the most of the day. We exchanged cards, little presents, had a wonderful dinner, some intimate time, and went to sleep very happy. Was probably one of the better anniversaries I have had in a long time. I can't wait until we hit one year.
In addition to all that I had a meeting with a client which went well. Then I completed my certification classes. I am now the only employee with multiple certifications in one of the three tools and this allows us to keep our partner reseller status. Our license resells account for 5-10% of overall revenue. So add that to what I already make for the company and I am now responsible for 15-20% of company monies. Yep. Just little old me. You're welcome. Today I have a webinar and need to update a class for a custom training next week. That's about it.
Tonight we're taking it easy. C has a doc appointment today. Tomorrow is a bigger day. Corned beef babies. Starting it at 5pm tonight and letting it go for 24 hours. Then Saturday is B's moving day. We will be out of the house on purpose. We're going to the rock shop in Battle Creek and spending the day out of the house. When we come home, the basement better be empty.
I am a horrible human being. Marble got locked in stupidhead's office overnight. She was in there at least 12 hours. I feel awful for her. I gave her a ton of food this morning. I need to check that room to see if she peed anywhere but if she did, I can't be mad at her. It's B's fault for leaving that door open when they left. Couple more days their shit will be gone and my life can begin finally.
Speaking of life, today is me and C's six month anniversary as a couple. I can't believe how fast time has flown. I can't believe how happy I have been for the past six months. I don't feel like I have ever deserved to be happy until now. Until I had a partner who completes me, makes me feel confident, good about myself, and lifts me up instead of bringing me down. Six months and they still don't annoy me. Amazing.
Worked on work stuff, had pizza for dinner to celebrate Pi Day, went to the mall to get some walking in. Came back, played video games, went to bed. Tonight will be a little celebration.
Seventy something days left and we hit the one year mark. What a fucking ride this has been.
Spent the day doing bullshit work. Nothing exciting. Made cornish game hens for dinner. Watched TV. Had sex. THIS is the kind of routine I can happily slip into. It did snow all fucking day again. Some day I will be able to go outside and it won't be covered in white shit. Some day. Not yesterday though. Nope. Sigh. It's 9 outside right now with a high of 20 today. Whee. I seriously can't wait until our road trip and get to be on the west coast with sun. I need it so bad right now.
The rooms is done. Not exactly the way we wanted, but it is done. We went to put the new color on the trim and absolutely hated it. Luckily I did just a small test area and was able to take it off before it was too late. It was too red against the wall. We only bought a quart and we'll use it somewhere else, but it was annoying. For now we left the trim white and put the room back together. The trim was less important to me than the ceiling. I really love the look with the ceiling done. Makes me very happy. That was a good chunk of our day. C was thrown off by the time change more than me, so she took a long midday nap. I played video games since it was fucking snowing again. Of course it was. More is scheduled for this week too. Joy. For dinner I made a random assortment of asian foods. Udon noodles, potstickers, eggrolls, tempura shrimp, swordfish, and veggies, and some nice soft boiled eggs for the soup. We watched some tv and got in bed around 11. Many meetings this week and only five days until my basement is empty. Yay!!
Here's the before and after of the bedroom:
We were up until 3:03am. Technically 2:03 but yay, it's DST. Woo. Excite. Yahoo. I fucking hate it and you know. You've been around for 13 years, you know how I feel about stupid goddamn arbitrary time changes. Kiss my ass. Both of us slept like shit because we once again slept in the front room. This time we tried an air mattress instead of the couch. Yeah, that was a fucking mistake. Worse than the couch. We will be putting our bedroom back today come hell or highwater. I cannot sleep like this another night. Nope. Not gonna happen. Why were we up so late? Well we didn't finish painting until almost 11pm and then you know, sex and stuff. Yeah yeah, I know. You don't want to hear it. Well tough. You choose to read, so you have to hear about our sex life. That was actually the first time in a week. We're off our game right now. Also, don't try to have sex on an air mattress. Not fun. We ended up moving to the couch which was also a challenge. We will be back in our own bed tonight and we're going to enjoy it dammit.
I am having trouble typing again because I have fresh new nails. That was how a large portion of our day was spent. We went to the salon at 8am and didn't get out until 1pm. My hair, my nails, and Cat's hair. 4 hours to make us look pretty. Make all the boy mooses go roooo. We both look and feel good. After the salon, we went to culvers for lunch, then home depot for more paint. We started in on the bedroom around 3pm. Took a break at 6 to make dinner, back at it until 8pm. Everything is done but the trim. We're going work on that this morning. Once the trim is done, all our stuff goes back in.
Painting a room with someone is a great experience for learning how to work and communicate with your partner. We learned each other's work styles to be honest. She learned I am not bogged down in details and I learned she enjoys the details. Oh look, another place where we're perfectly matched and compatible. Gosh. Seriously though, we found our two styles meshed well. I did big large sections, she followed behind me doing fine tuning. Together we got it all done around 10. Cleaned up together and well, see above.
Okay, time to get this room finished.
We slept on the couch last night and I am paying for it this morning. My neck and back are killing me. I tossed and turned all night. We slept on the couch because our room is torn the fuck up. We started paining yesterday. We managed to get one coat on all the walls. But we couldn't sleep in there unfortunately. Between the smell and everything being torn apart it wasn't happening. We have one more coat to do today plus the trim tomorrow but I don't care, I will be sleeping on my own bed tonight. Can't do another night of that.
Spent the day taking 2023 certification classes. I got one badge completed and have to pass one more quiz to get my second. It was a long ass day for that. Had therapy, made chicken pesto for dinner, made millionaire shortbread bars for dessert. All in all a very busy productive day. It snowed all fucking day again. So tired of it. It isn't over yet sadly. Another few days scheduled.
This morning I have a hair appointment, then off to home depot for more paint, then more painting. Welcome to the weekend.
Over the last two days I have been slowly changing my email address everywhere. It's interesting to see the random things that keep going to my old address. Some places have been easy, some have made me send a request to customer service, and some are being flat out dicks. Along with changing my email, I am changing my name where I can. Most places have no problem. Others act like they're guarding secrets of the tomb and expect me to produce 17 different forms of proof of a new name. You know, I get that if you're a bank, but if you're just some online bullshit, give me a break. I will get there eventually. Before this year is over, I will officially and legally be who I want to be. Even if more and more states want me dead. Apparently now I can't pee in AR. If I use "the wrong" bathroom according to them, I will go to jail. Seriously. Why do any of you fucking care? What am I doing that is so hurtful to you? I am not after you or your fucking children. Stop using children as a goddamn excuse for everything. This is why I don't leave the goddamn house. Interestingly enough, MN is becoming one of the safest states for me to live. Go figure. Of all the places I would have never thought there. MI isn't bad either but we're one election cycle away from losing everything. That worries me.
Spent the day working on client requests and docs. We went to the mall after work and had a milkshake and wandered around. I found a cute new jumpsuit for summer. But you know, if someone detects my evil secret while wearing it, I'm dead. Fuckers.
Sorry, I am just annoyed right now. This is why I stayed in the fucking closet for 40 years. This is why I had to hide and lie my entire life. Because people want me dead. Good times. Oh and it's fucking snowing again. Whee.
I don't want to be awake today. I don't want to type today. Nothing exciting happened yesterday other than my brain short circuiting and I had a bit of a breakdown. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Just everything got to me all at once. B, the weather, work - all just went bleh in my head. I didn't want to talk or be human. I still made dinner. I still did my work. Because what else do I do? C helped me through it. I said this the last time I broke down that without them, these episodes usually lasted days, now they last hours. For that I am grateful. It doesn't mean my stupid brain has stopped. It just means I bounce back faster.
I created a new email address last night. I am slowly starting to move things over to it as my primary email. As emails come in, if I can legally change things, I will. Some things I can't change until I have a formal document from the court. Like my name on my credit cards and banks statements. Other stuff I can modify. Like my IKEA account. I just ordered a replacement item for something B is taking. It will be a slow tedious process, but I will eventually have everything in one place. Fun.
Yesterday was good. I worked on a presentation, gave it, and now have a ton of changes to make. I am doing a webinar next week on a pretty contentious topic and everyone had an opinion. It went long because this is one that got everyone going. That's good. Because it means we will get a good turnout when we take it public. One of my coworkers after sent me a very nice email stating how we have known each other for such a long time and their opinion of me could never change even if the packaging has changed. We are planning to meet while we are in Vegas on our road trip. It will be nice to see him after many years.
We also went to the grocery store yesterday. We were out of a LOT of groceries it would seem. Basic stuff was needed and we spent $300. Ugh. But we needed bread and milk and cheese and this and that. Got it all done and won't have to do that again for a month. We then went to Home Depot and got our first gallon of new paint for the house. We are starting with the bedroom. We did a test patch and really love the color we've chosen. Going to get that finished this week. There will be one little weird spot but oh well. We also confirmed all the other colors. We are painting the entire house over time. Just like my house in SoCal, every room will be a different color basically. I am so tired of beige and grey. I need color! Front room green, kitchen and dining will be in an orange family, hallway red, purple in the office, both bathrooms are being changed - I want color dammit. I need it. One room at a time. But it will get done.
We had fish tacos for dinner, watched some tv, and went to bed. C's stomach was off a bit so no hanky panky for us. But it's okay. It's not like we have any issue in that department. It's natural we slow down a bit, but we are both still very excited by the other, but sometimes the body says nope. As long as the mind doesn't, I have no concerns. Heck we went at it Saturday in the hotel so it's not like it's the end of the world. She was gone Sunday night which means oh no, we've gone three whole days without sex. Yeah. Perspective, right? I get overly nervous based on past experience which is why I write it down like this. When I see it like this it makes me go "oh, you're fine". Got to keep things in perspective.
Time to make the donuts. Hmm. Maybe I will make donuts....
Can you believe it's been 300 days since everything went sideways? We're just a couple months shy of a full year. Insane. I had another dream we were building or buying a new home. I looked that up in a dream dictionary just now. Apparently it can mean my state of mind is improving. That I have "been in a constant state of stress or fear which is now diminishing". Yep. Sounds about right. Also indicates "your self esteem is improving". I would agree with that too. What a shock. It's been a long 300 days but clearly my subconscious knows what is up.
Spent half the day mentoring two different companies on some stuff. Worked on docs. Waited for C to get home. B stopped by to do more packing. They are finally getting it in gear and plan to come buy a few times this week to pack stuff and have a truck scheduled for the 18th. An end date is in sight. Thank god. I can have my basement back. I can make some changes that I've wanted to make. I can move forward. I doubt they're having the same kind of dreams I am. It doesn't sound like they are as solid in their relationship as I am in mine. I don't know. It feels in some ways they went from one co-dependent situation to another. That got me thinking yesterday. Being home alone for 30 hours made me feel blue. Not dysfunctional, but just a bit sad. I did some looking up of that too. I looked at the difference between codependent and interdependent. We are the latter. We bolster each other. We are stronger together. There's no imbalance in what we do. We are independent individuals who per psychology today "promote loving feelings, mutual respect, and a sense of emotional safety". We encourage each other. We support each other. Can we do things alone? Yes. We know who we are when we're apart, but we are better when we're together. It's taken me this long in life to find a healthy relationship. Go figure. Yesterday C's mom asked her "when you go there, does it feel like home?" Without hesitation C told her yes. That's important to me and felt good to hear. This is her home now. Her space. Soon it will be even more our space.
C got home around 6. I helped her unpack, made dinner (leftover pasta and pizza), she took a shower, we watched tv, made out for like an hour both on the couch and in bed, and went to bed around 10 intertwined Both of us felt more relaxed and safe. Works for me.
Today I have a webinar, then we're going to home depot to buy paint. Going to start painting this weekend. Bedroom first.
I am back home alone and it is weird. It feels very empty in here without C. Everything feels "too big" without her. The house, the couch, the bed. There's a piece of me missing. It might sound corny and cheesy to some of you, but it's true. Regardless, the show must go on, so go on we shall.
Let's do a better recap of Saturday, shall we? We woke up, or more correctly, I woke up and the first thing I did was survey damage. As you saw, we had a major tree branch fall across the backyard. I tired to deal with it a little on Saturday before we left, but it was frozen into the ground. Definitely a future me problem. We got on the road around noon and got to Holland around 2:30. Everyone at the hotel remembered us and was happy to see us return. It was really nice to be welcomed back that way. I know they get paid for it, but it was still nice. We unpacked and headed to the irish pub. Guess who also remembered us and made us feel welcome! Again, it's dumb, but it made me realize if we were to move there, we would be accepted and make friends easy enough. We hung out in the pub for a while, went walking, stopped in other stores for a snack, went back to the room, got late night pizza, had incredible sex, and passed out around 11pm. We did both toss and turn from the heater, but all in all, it was a good day.
Woke up yesterday and waited for C's mom to get there. Once again she came with the boyfriend because he is a big man child who can't do anything alone. We had lunch together, hung out, and then I headed home around noon. Once again, got home around 2:30. They spent more time in town and got back to C's mom's around 3 or 4. C was just in a funk all the way back having to drive with them. Nothing to make you feel more like a child than having to sit in the back seat with your mom and her "special friend". When I got home, I unpacked, did laundry, rearranged the kitchen, moped around, fed the cats, moped some more, had leftover pizza, moped, watched TV, and went to bed around 10.
While we were gone, B came out to start getting stuff. They barely made a dent. I think the enormity of what they have to take finally hit home. They told me yesterday they will be getting a truck this weekend. About damn time. Hopefully this will help make a more significant difference. We shall see. I am not holding my breath, but you never know. Soon I will close that chapter. Soon.
Waking up in a hotel room with a fan that wouldn't shut up all night. My throat is killing me. I woke up many many times. But hey, at least there's no snow here. woo. We did have hotel sex too. we had a fun time. Not looking forward to driving home alone, but she will be back tomorrow. One night by myself. we ate, we drank, we laughed. Okay, can't type on this stupid keyboard any more. More tomorrow.
Fuck this stupid state. Yesterday at 3pm the sky ripped open and it went from being no snow on the ground to snowing like crazy for 13 hours. There was something I had never seen before - thunder and lightning during a snow storm. It was fucking crazy. The power flickered a few times. Trees were falling. I have been up for a while and dealing with the downed tree in our backyard. Luckily it didn't hit the house. Or any lines, but I have to clean it up somehow. Plus all the snow in the driveway and walkway. We can't get out of the driveway right now either. My snow guy better come this morning. All if this on top of taking the cat to the vet yesterday and spending $750 on having teeth pulled. Fucking cats and their teeth. Big design flaw nature. Thanks for nothing. I had to pick her up at 2:30 right as the first flurries were starting. Good times. But we're all safe. C was in a mood all day because she has to deal with home stuff this weekend and Monday. Today we're driving halfway to meet her mom, spending the night, then I am driving home alone tomorrow. She will go back to her mom's place, deal with the dad, and drive home Monday. She heard from her dad's case worker yesterday confirming Monday's appointment and even this lady was like "you've been doing this too long for someone your age". Basically saying put this fucker in a home and move on. It's really what needs to happen but the dad has everyone guilted into taking care of him. One of these days I am going to get to talk to him and he won't like what I have to say. I will call his selfish ass out. Oh and it looks like it's illegal to be me in three states now. Joy. Nothing like being told you aren't allowed to exist and live your own life. Thanks republicans. You pieces of shit. Fuck this country. Seriously. Is it better elsewhere? No, not really. But maybe it's time to move to fucking Norway or some place where it is better. I am just so done with stupid old white men telling me how to live my life. Makes me scared to take this road trip over the summer. We have to go through one of the states where we're illegal. Looking into guns. Yeah. What does that tell you? Free country my ass.
Here's a shot of the tree I have to deal with:
Up early to deal with things and get the cat to the vet. Bills to pay, Shit to do. Already stressed at 4:38am.
Yesterday was good in most respects. Started with morning sex. Not going to complain about that. Worked on stuff. Did laundry. Watched tv. Made stuffed shells for dinner. Supposed to snow like mad today starting around 1pm. Worried about that too. I worry about everything. It's what I do.
I'm doing okay today. Nothing really going on. I'm a little tired. Tossed and turned in my sleep. While I can't remember them, I had interesting dreams. I recall being very invested in what was going on in one of them. Some day we will be able to record dreams. Some day. Nothing exciting yesterday. Just a run of the mill Wednesday. B came over to start taking some stuff. They took their dining room table and chairs, but forgot the legs. Of course they did. Who forgets the table legs?? Okay. Worked on my presentation for tomorrow, had a preliminary meeting about it, Ran to the store for some cooking supplies. Made copycat Popeye's chicken sandwiches for dinner. They came out excellent. Was very happy with them. Watched some tv, went to bed around 11pm. Like I said, nothing exciting. But that's okay. This weekend C has to go back to her mom's for one last dad trip. Instead of trying to drive it one day, we're going to Holland on Saturday, then her mom will meet us there Sunday, they will drive back to the mom's house and I will drive home. We will have to spend like 24 hours apart. Woe is us. I am honestly not looking forward to it. It will be very quiet and sad here for those 24 hours. I think we're both a little blue because of that. Tonight at midnight I have to isolate the cat because she's having her tooth pulled tomorrow. Joy. Fucking cats.
It's finally fucking March. Took long enough. But Feb had a couple of last minute fuck yous for me. Most notable was at 11:15 last night. I mean talk about under the wire. Cozy in bed we were when suddenly the noise that will wake any pet owner starts. HORK HORK. Aggie throwing up. But wait, it gets better. She was sitting literally on top of me when she decided to do it. Yeah. Like right on top of me. I managed to throw her off and get most, but not all, of it on the floor. A nice portion landed on me and the blanket. Thanks February. Bitch.
Worked on docs. Made deep fried southern style pork chops for dinner. Went for a walk because it was 45 degrees for like 20 minutes and I wanted outside. Watched a GREAT movie. The Menu. Excellent. Highly recommend. Went to bed.
More of the same today.
