ANA Y1 D338

Greetings from Utah! 13 hours from Nebraska but we made it. More importantly we don't want to kill each other. The first 6-7 hours honestly just flew by. The second half was long and tiring, but we got through it with music and Bang. We stopped a couple of times to pee with no problems. We were only weirded out once at a gas station run by a Hills Have Eyes motherfucker but otherwise, we're good. We're heading to dinner soon, then on to ID to see my wonderful family. 

ANA Y1 D337A

Still Saturday. We hit the road EXACTLY at 3 as planned. 11 hours almost to the minute and we are in Omaha Ne. We had ZERO conflicts in the car. C stayed awake the whole time talking to me. We never turned on the radio nor did we have silence. We stopped a couple of times to pee with no issues. We're eating in the hotel tonight, then doing it again tomorrow. 

ANA Y1 D337

Nebraska here we come!! It's 2:15am on Saturday. About to load the truck and be on the road by 3. I will fill you all in on yesterday when I have a chance to relax. Love you all. Wish us luck on this journey.

ANA Y1 D336

Here we are folks, in the home stretch! Less than 24 hours and I will be on the road to NE for the first leg of our trip. In 8 hours I will be getting my hair done. I just got word our finance guy has been in the hospital for a week so I didn't get my expense check for April. He is going to process April and May while I am on the road and I will be getting two checks at once. Thank god. I have to pay bills this morning and that will give me a much needed buffer. I now can take this trip without as much worry we're coming home to being broke. 

I spent the first half of yesterday mentoring one of our best clients. I really do like them. They are organized, take all this seriously, have a solid team with good leadership, and have a desire to succeed. I would literally work for this organization. Too bad they're in WI. Got have some flaw, right? After that I did a webinar. This turned out to be my biggest webinar ever with over 200 people showing up and staying on the whole time. We got 2 follow up meetings less than 30 minutes after it ended. That's a great response. That might not seem like much, but a 1-2% return on these kinds of things is considered a win. I was so pumped when it was over. 

After, we went to Target. I decided to get a large 30" suitcase for this trip. I am used to using 21" carry on bags when I travel but in this scenario, we're driving and there's no reason for a small bag. I found one on sale for $60. Got home, repacked everything, and reduced down by three bags. Went from two 21" and a backpack to the one big bag. Success. 

We got Lebanese food for dinner which gave us enough leftovers for lunch and dinner tonight. Also a score. C then started to finalize her packing. There was some stressing for a while when we couldn't find certain things, but we got there in the end. We are both down to just needing to pack the stuff we use Saturday morning. We will be on the road between 3 and 4am tomorrow. Okay, time to pay bills, wash the truck, get some last minute store stuff, and bounce off the walls.

ANA Y1 D335

One month and this year is over. Wow. One month and I will have survived another year of living. Another year of ups and downs. 14 years of writing. Thank god for digital format. All I picture is the apartment from Se7en. So many notebooks. 

Taught for the first half of the day yesterday, break for some lunch, then a meeting. Afterwards we had taco bell for dinner, watched some TV, and went to bed. This close to leaving there isn't much to do or desire to leave the house. We're just counting down the hours. C is trying to submit one more project before we leave and I am just trying to survive. This is my last work day before it's all said and done. All I have to do is have one client meeting, deliver a webinar at 2pm, and that's it. Done for two weeks. So close I can taste it.

ANA Y1 D334

It fucking snowed yesterday. My expense check hasn't come through yet. The cats suck. But I had sex. Find the positive. It was a rough day. Also a rough night. We had a spicy pork red sauce on some pasta last night and around 2am it bugged us both. We both were up with acid reflux. I have 67 hours left. That's it. All of this can be in the back of my mind for two weeks. I just want to be gone. Two more days of work. I teach today and then an afternoon meeting. Tomorrow a meeting and a webinar. Then I am done. Bye bye.

ANA Y1 D333

We are days away from May and yet it's still 31 degrees outside? Come on. This is bullshit. Can you believe it actually SNOWED yesterday? For real. It was brief and didn't stick, but on principle, WTF? It's 31 outside right now, the house is stuck at 62 and I am just done with it. I am so ready to be out of here. I just checked and from 7-9 more snow is forecasted. Seriously? The coldest of our destinations will be 65 today. The others are 73 and 86. Done. Just done.

Speaking of done, I had to work my ass off on something yesterday which pisses me off. I went downstairs yesterday morning and lo and behold I was created with the lovely smell of piss. I had to rip out the last bit of carpet from the basement. When I pulled it up, the stains underneath from the places she has been pissing made me gag and choke. Four contractor bags of carpet and padding. Now I have to spend like $500 to put something down in the area. I am not happy. When I get back that cat is gone. One way or another, gone. I am done with it. I cannot keep living like this.

Spent the day finishing up my webinar material and writing a blog post. That took me until about 4. We had leftovers for dinner as we're trying to empty the fridge before we leave. We watched Pearl and went to bed around 11. C is having some stress due to school and a project she needs to finish before we leave. She had to start over on something and it frustrated her. I get it. That always sucks.

Today I have more marketing shit to write and then a 2-6 mentoring session. We are so close. Must go now.

ANA Y1 D332

So close to leaving. Almost double digit hours away. I just have to get through four days of work. Then I get 2 whole weeks of a break. I need it. Bad. Look I know we've gone out of town in the last year, but never more than a couple hours away. I haven't left MI in almost a year. I need this trip. I need to stretch my legs, my mind, my horizons. I need away from this house, these people, these problems. Just let me have a break.

As planned we spent the day cleaning the house and doing laundry. It's medical grade clean in here. We went out for dinner so as not to make a mess in the kitchen and when we came back it was perfect walking into a clean house. This is the same feeling I want when we come home from our trip. I want to feel relaxed not stressed. Top to bottom, floor to ceiling we cleaned. C got the majority of her stuff packed. We got our camera equipment packed and ready. We did all the laundry. We will literally be wearing the same clothes for the next few days to avoid having laundry left behind. I know it's inevitable there will be some, but the less the better. All the garbage will be taken out Thursday night. The car will be gassed on Friday. The cat stuff set up Friday as well. We. Are. Almost. There.

ANA Y1 D331

We are getting so close to hitting the one year milestone of all this crazy shit that's gone down. How things have changed in a year. Never did I expect to find myself where I am. I'm happy where I am finally, but man, what a journey to get here.

We had a busy day yesterday. Started early with getting C's hair done for the trip. She is 100% pure blonde right now. It's pretty fucking hot, not gonna pretend it isn't. It's taking some getting used to, but it is hot. I do my hair on Friday. After hair we went to Walmart because it's right there and got all our snacks for the trip. We had lunch at Red Robin which made us both sick sadly. Our bodies didn't care for what was going on in our stomachs and forced it out. Lovely. We both took a nap as a result. I made ribs for dinner. We then realized we missed a couple of things on the list and went back out to the store. We stopped for some dessert while we were out and discovered an area we didn't know about. Found some cool new things. Came back, watched tv, went to bed around 11pm. 

Today we clean house and do laundry. C ordered some new underwear yesterday to make sure she has enough for the trip. It's supposed to be here by Weds, but we will see. Going to do all the laundry today to make sure we have enough clothes to wear and pack for the next five days. We are so close. Soon we will be on the road! I sent out emails yesterday to people letting them know are itinerary. I know it might seem like overkill or paranoia, but I'd rather be safe than dead. 

ANA Y1 D330

Been up for a while. Have ribs to cook today and C has a hair appointment at 8am. I have to move quickly. I have been up a while but replying to an email. I came out to one more client last week and they sent me a long supportive email last night. I felt the need to reply in as much depth. Only fair.

Good day yesterday. Got work shit done. Had a webinar that went well. C made us tomato soup from scratch. Came out awesome. I was blown away with it. I made grilled cheese to accompany. Then we watched two movies. Primer, a time traveling independent one, and X, the A24 one set in the 70s. Primer was weird but good. X was great and now there's two more in the series to watch. Looking forward to it. We went to bed around 11. Slept pretty well. Not perfect, but well. 

Okay, time to do shit. We are less than one week away from leaving. Got to get shit done!

ANA Y1 D329

Finally Friday. I am sure I'm not the only one happy about that. One more week and we will be off on our adventure. We are mostly packed. We need to do some laundry this weekend to allow C to pack her stuff, but in general we're doing okay. We made a list yesterday of everything that needs to get packed up. From toiletries to cables. I'm on edge with anxiety and anticipation. I want to go, now. Soon. Very soon.

Another day of document writing. This is my job now mostly. It's okay. I can handle it. Keeps me busy and employed. C got a project back for her stuff. 98%. One more class done. She is on track for Sept or October finish. Much more dedicated than some other person I know. It's almost like she wants to move forward with her life. Gee, how interesting. We took a walk to the store to get some outside time. It was cold most of the day but then warmed up around 6pm because why not. C is making me tomato soup from scratch tonight. Very excited. Last night I made apricot glazed chicken. Turned out pretty good. We're trying to eat through everything in the fridge to minimize what we come home to from our trip. The fridge is going to look like Tyler's collection of condiments before we leave. We watched some TV, started getting frisky on the couch, and well you know. Yes, we went at it again. Seriously, we're finding a nice groove on that front. Not too much, not too little. 1-2 times per week is making us both happy. So 5-8 times per month. Yeah, that works for me. Puts us in a good spot for closeness, intimacy, bonding, etc. We just have to make sure those numbers stay the same 5 years from now. To be honest, I am still happy. People annoy me. We all know this. People drive me crazy. Usually six months of spending time with someone and I am done. Look at all the people I hung out with a year ago. I barely talk to any of them. My attention and interest wanes. My brain has moved on to more stimulating things. But with C, I am still here mentally. I am still focused. They DO stimulate me mentally and physically. I honestly can't say that about other partners. X2 to some degree if I am being really open about this. Maybe that's why there's so many similarities between them and C. Our issues weren't intimacy or sex until the end. But by then I had messed things up so bad it was deserved. I take more blame for that relationship than I let on. I know what I did to ruin that relationship and I won't let that happen again. I'd like to finally hit a 20 year mark with someone. Is that too much to ask?

Went to bed around 11, up early for therapy. Have a webinar today. Counting down the hours until time to leave.

ANA Y1 D328

Last night we were looking up a festival some of C's friends are thinking about attending. Out of like 20 bands, there's three that either of us like or care about. But I got excited when I saw there was a VIP party that would be headlined by GWAR. I find GWAR to be absolutely ridiculous. I love them. So silly and idiotic that I enjoy their antics. C was just shaking her head at me thinking I am nuts. I then showed her a KISS concert from 1977 and said, look I grew up on THIS what do you expect out of me?? She saw Gene Simmons spitting blood, the pyrotechnics, the antics, etc. The funny part was when she looked at me and said there's one thing she didn't understand. She said, is this like as "heavy" as they get? Their look and antics are so much more insane than the music. She was dead on. By today's standards, their music is slightly heavy pop when you get down to it. Shout it Out Loud. Ladies Room. These aren't like crazy heavy songs. It literally is pop music compared to what would be played today by a band that did the shit they did. Funny how things change. Plus to think of all the pearl clutching parents when in reality it just isn't that bad. You nostalgia moment for the day.

Had a busy and unfortunately painful day yesterday. You already know I didn't sleep well. I then had to go to the dentist to start my mouth work. I honestly love that dentist office. Crazy, right? They're just so kind in there. Everyone is friendly and gentle. I got the lower right quadrant of my mouth done. Three more to go. One in May, June, and July. From then I will just need to do annual visits. If I take care of everything I will have my natural teeth another 20 years. Worth the pain. I should point out, I had no pain at the dentist. It was later when the Novocain wore off that I had pain. The procedure went fine, it was the after. Like right now I still have a slight dull pain in one spot. Still worth it.

I also had another of my chat sessions. Had 106 people show up for this one. Went about 90 minutes and got some good feedback. From there, we rearranged the office to get a better flow. We moved both of our desks along one wall next to each other. This will give us both some more room and stop the chair bumping. So far it's working out well. Then I made meatloaf for dinner. We had it with some mashed potatoes and artichokes. I think this is the first choke I have had at home since moving to MI. Not a common food around here. I enjoyed it. C found it to be too much work for too little pay out. I get it. It's how I feel about pomegranates. We watched some tv, played some games, and got into bed around 10.

Not a lot on my plate today. Should be a calm day.

ANA Y1 D327

I'm in a rush this morning so no dilly dallying. I have a dentist appointment at 8. Quadrant one of four to get my mouth back in order. Excited but not excited. This shit is going to hurt but it will be worth it if I keep my teeth for another 20+ years. 

I slept like shit last night. We went to bed around 10 as normal but I couldn't sleep. I woke up at midnight, laid there for 20 minutes and then got up until 2:15. I managed to fall back to sleep at 3, but now I am up at 5:15. So not a whole lot of actual sleep going on. Stressed out I think is the issue. Stressed about money, B, life in general. 

Yesterday during the day was okay. I did some work, B dropped off suitcases, we went to the store. Made chicken tacos for dinner. We watched a documentary that was really good but I also think it left me a little sad. It's on YouTube and is from ContraPoints if you want to watch it. It's in part about JK Rowling, but it hits deeper. It talks about the 471 (!!) anti-trans bills that are currently being proposed or voted on across this country. It talks about the people wanting to eradicate me. Their word, not mine. It depressed the hell out of me and I think that affected my sleep. Watch it if you have time. Worth watching.

Okay, moving along to get shit done. Let's hope today goes well.

ANA Y1 D326

261 hours. We're getting closer.

Busy work day yesterday. I finished all of the recording work I needed to do. 49 demos completed and moved to the next phase. It was a lot of editing work. I didn't finish until nearly 6pm. But it's off my plate and people are happy. All that matters. It's done. After work I made dinner. Salmon on top of gnocchi in a nice cream sauce. Then we watched some tv and went to bed. A very uneventful Monday. Oh, except for the fact it snowed. Yeah. There's snow out there right now and a 30% chance of more today. The house got down to 61 degrees yesterday. What the hell. We went from eating outside over the weekend to bundling up with blankets on the couch. Fuck this stupid weather. It's going to stay cold the rest of the week too. Just done with it.

ANA Y1 D325

285 hours until we leave and we're feeling it. We're both ready to go. Especially since yesterday the weather decided to turn back to shit and rain half the day. It's supposed to snow today. For real, snow, in April. What the hell. It's back to being 65 in this house. After days of 80 degree weather this is annoying. Soon we will go. Soon we will have a grand adventure away from cats and this house.

We did run a couple of errands yesterday. Ulta for things for our trip and PetSmart for some cat food. We also stopped at the dispensary for C to pick up a couple of carts for the trip. Nothing exciting just something to help her sleep while we're on the road. But you know the best part? I didn't pay for it. She paid for her own shit. What a turn of events, eh?

I did some packing yesterday. Have about 80% of what I need to bring ready to go. That made me feel better. We played some games, did some house cleaning, had afternoon sex, had steaks for dinner, watched tv. Overall a pretty good day. I am liking these drama free days. Only issue was A was doing her taxes at like 9pm last night and B kept calling to ask questions. I'm sorry, do I look like a tax pro? Why'd you wait until the last minute to do this? I think there's some behavior of A's that will drive B nuts over time. B has been used to someone who just gets shit done. Right now they might find it cute, but long term? I wager it's going to drive them nuts. Time will tell. 

Busy week including a dentist appt on Wednesday and a hair appt for C on Saturday. Oh and some client work. Silly clients. Go, shoo.

ANA Y1 D324

It is Sunday and I slept in. Yay me. I have absolutely no plans for today. I worked hard yesterday to get things done for exactly this reason. I am moving at my own pace and I don't care.

I started yesterday by finalizing our hotel plans for the trip. We are now booked in Vegas (Tropicana right on the strip), Denver, and the final one in Omaha. Then I switched to working in the basement. I brought up everything out of the old office, realized I was out of contractor bags and dragged C to the hardware store. While there we found a base for our new umbrella. Yay us! We also stopped at Arby's to fuel up. We stopped too at the vape shop to stock up for the trip. Got back and started breaking down everything that was dragged up. Pieces of wood, boxes, pissed on carpet, pissed on carpet padding, etc. We ended up filling two trash cans and four contractor bags. I then went down and scrubbed that room. Cleaned the floors to a T. Moved all four litter boxes in there, bleached out the old area and shut the door to the old area. I haven't been down there yet this morning but I am hoping I will not find pee anywhere. Cross your fingers for me. With that done I worked on the other part of the basement where she had pissed on the carpet. Got on my hands and knees and used the cleaner inch by inch. That should eliminate any smell and her doing it again. We shall see.

From there we went to the pharmacy to pick up my prescriptions. I had all three refilled to make sure I don't run out of anything while we're on our trip. For one, I will come back and need it within two days, but otherwise, I am good. After that we went to the park for a 3km walk where both of us got some good sun and a bit of a sun tan. Yay!! Of course today it's going to rain and Monday there's a 40% chance of snow. Blah. Got home, ordered pizza for dinner, went and picked it up, grabbed a nice sparkling rose to go with it. Came back and spent like three more hours outside enjoying the weather and eating pizza. Came back in, took a shower, took the dermal shield off my new tattoo, and cleaned that baby up. It looks fantastic even not completed. I can't wait for May to finish it. We watched some tv, and went off to bed around 11:30. 

Overall a really good productive day. Now I have earned my do nothing day. Except maybe some sex. I feel it's good day for that. Heh.

ANA Y1 D323

I had a 90% really good day yesterday. Sadly it ended on a sour note, but it still was a genuinely good, productive day. It started with me paying all the bills as usual for a Friday. But I was smart this time and I had prepped it out Thursday night so when I was doing it yesterday morning I wasn't as stressed or flustered for it. I knew what was already going out and just it needed to be done. Fine. Done. From there I started working. We're fixing some video issues on our recordings and I have to go through 42 demos and re-edit and publish them. I managed to get through 20 of 42. Not too shabby. At 1pm I had a follow up appointment with my normal doctor to go over bloodwork. I took the opportunity to share with her what happened to me on Wednesday at the other doctor. The look of disgust on her face when I detailed my experience told me everything I needed to know. They will no longer be recommending that doctor's office to anyone. She immediately came to the same conclusion that I did that they were just out to find something to bill me for and that's that. We went over my bloodwork and found absolutely nothing that would be of concern nor warrant invasive poking and prodding. We discussed why there might be blood in my urine. Her conclusions were the same as mine. This is about to get gross and detailed, as well as really personal, but hey, that's what this blog is about, right?

When one goes on hormones like me, it affects certain body parts. Things begin to atrophy over time. I am at 10 months of hormones. My estrogen levels are at peak teenage girl levels. My body is severely estrogen dominant right now. To give you an example, a standard healthy pre-menopausal woman has an estradiol level of between 250-350. Mine? 615. Typical estrogen? 50-170. Mine? 954. Then there's things like progesterone levels, andro levels, etc. My testosterone? 13. In men that should be 250 - 1000. In women it's 15-70. I am suppressing things like mad. Which is what we want. We want a forced rapid puberty. One last example, depending on cycle phase, estrone sulfate levels in women range from 60-230, Mine? 5400. Yeah. Estrone is what converts things into estradiol which is what pushes development. The overall result of all this is I am forcing a lot of things and massively pushing other things down. For example, I no longer experience nighttime erections, I don't achieve erection quickly or for very long, and in general, that body part has become "unused" if you will. SO when it does get used, it hurts a little bit. Why? Atrophy. Yes, that's a real thing. It is becoming smaller and less functional. Kind of the point of all this. By the way, this is one of the reasons why the whole "trans people are raping our children in bathrooms" argument is a fallacy. The amount of time needed to achieve a usable erection or to maintain one is not realistically going to allow someone to perform an act like that. In short, ha, in short, it just doesn't function that way. Now, when it does get aroused, it hurts as I said because the tissue isn't being used or stretched regularly. This causes microtears in the tissue. This in turn can produce micro blood in the urine. Oh look, I had micro blood in my urine. Gosh, what a surprise FOR NO ONE. If this other doctor had just taken the time to actually TALK to me, he would have realized that's what is happening. Instead he jumped to doing massive testing and bringing up things like cancer. Luckily I have a good primary doctor and the minute I started explaining things she knew what was going on. We did go through the rest of my panel and guess what, she found nothing of concern. I am 100% where I am supposed to be. My health is good. Also, the other doctor fat shamed me without ever thinking about the fact that due to my insanely high estrogen levels I am retaining fat like crazy. For those who don't know, estrogen bonds to and wants fatty cells. This is why men can stop eating for two days and lose twenty pounds while a woman stops eating and somehow gains three. The estrogen is saying no no, add more please. With my high levels it makes perfect sense. Again, if this asshole doctor had stopped to look at or talk to his patient, he would have realized what was going on. 

Okay back to yesterday. After my doctor appointment I did some more work and had a meeting with a colleague to go over some curriculum changes. Finished up around 4. From there, C and I went to home depot and picked up a small power washer to clean the backyard. They had a baby one on sale for $100. It's not super powerful, but for the small amount of concrete we wanted to clean, it works fine. We also decided to stop at target where we found a sale on a small patio set for $165. It included a table, four chairs, and an umbrella. We got some tiki torches as well. Stopped at the grocery store stocking up allowing us to not have to go out this weekend at all if we don't want to. Came home and went to work on the backyard. For the first time in 4.5 years, I ate outside in my backyard. We are so happy with how everything turned out. Check it out:

We spent the majority of the night outside not coming in until after 9pm. We even used the firepit! It's then that the night took a turn. I went downstairs for something and was struck with a massive pee smell. Marble has been pissing and shitting in the now empty room down there. I had to spend an hour dragging up the old carpet and cleaning things. I'm done with her. Just done. No matter what her results say, something is wrong. She's got some kind of dementia or something that's causing these problems. Regardless, it wasn't how I wanted to end my night. I was tired and frustrated by the time I got into bed at 11:30. Today I have to go down there and bleach and clean some areas. Luckily, I don't have anything else going on today. But it's not a fun thing to deal with. That's my plans for today along with some pre-packing for our trip. Two more weeks bitches and we're gone! So excited. 

ANA Y1 D322

Hold on, I'm busy. I opened this 10 minutes ago and then went and started paying bills. Now I am in the middle of that and need to finish. I will be back in a few minutes. We all know how much I love bill day. Especially when I am shelling out $750 this period for someone else. Gee, it's not like I couldn't use that money for me. Nope.

Okay, everyone who is getting paid, is paid. Yesterday was a long ass day. I worked with a client for almost 9 hours. But to be fair, I am not complaining. It was a mentoring session and for once, the client was prepared. Normally when we have these sessions, it's done too soon after training and the client isn't ready. Not this team. They had an hour by hour schedule, they had a list of things to work on, they had discussions, we had four different groups rotating in and out, and overall, it was awesome. It was literally how these things are supposed to go. The only downside was the length. We started a little before 9 and didn't finish until 5:45. Time well spent, yes, but it made for a long day. Because after the client, I had to go to B's house to get them to sign taxes. It's officially construction season here in MI and that meant that a 17 mile drive took nearly an hour. Fun. Of course I had to take the tour and play nice. I got to see Pipper doge which was nice. But then I had an hour drive back home. I also had to stop for some envelopes for the taxes. It was well after 8:30 when I got back home. I then filled out the taxes, paid the state in full ($425), mailed them, and C bought us Qdoba for dinner. Didn't eat until after 9. I then had to stay up to let it settle which still didn't work as I was up at 1am with acid. So nothing really exciting happened, just long. B's house is meh. It's a nice house but it's nothing exciting. Your typical midwest blue collar neighborhood house. I like mine better. Which means I will do everything I can to keep this house. I worked too hard for this.

Today I have editing to do, a doc appointment at 1pm, and a meeting at 3pm. Another busy day but I am doing nothing this weekend so help me.

ANA Y1 D321

It finally has gotten warm here. I had to turn on the AC for the first time yesterday. We have windows open right now, fans on. It got up to 80 yesterday. Same is expected for today. More importantly, let me tell you about the worst doctor appointment ever.

I had a scheduled appointment at the UoM Urology center. From the minute I arrived I had bad vibes. I don't know why, but something was off. I just felt like it was a bad place. I get there at 2:01 for a 2:15 consultation. That word is very important. I went in specifically to discuss a consultation for an orchi. Nothing more, nothing less. The waiting room is 90% men. Already a bad sign. All over the walls are posters for $1 cialis and viagra. Bad sign two. As I check in, they don't even look at me and immediately use my dead name. Ugh. At 2:29 they take me back to a room and force me to give a urine sample. Wtf? I am here for a simple consultation. They won't see me unless I pee in a cup and do a weigh in. Fine. I just want this done. I sit in that room until 3:02. Seriously. I was walking out when the doctor finally came in. He is a pompous asshole from the first minute in the room. He starts asking me all these questions about my health this and that and I stop him and say I am just here for a consult on an orchi, why these questions? "Oh, I don't do those any more but we found microscopic traces of blood in your urine. Here's what we want to do next..." Wait, what? First off you don't do what I came in here for?? You couldn't have told me that when I made the fucking appointment? You couldn't have told me that five minutes after I arrived? It's in the fucking patient notes. Are you kidding me?? Well he wants to do ultrasounds and scopes and this and that and I am like no, I need to leave. I have a meeting, I am already running behind, no. "Well let us take blood at least". Literally as I am sitting into the blood chair I get the results back from my most recent tests at my normal doctor. I stop the nurse and show her. She is like hmm well I still need this one thing you don't have. WTF??? This is a full panel and everything is in the green?? What more do you need from me?? I let them take the vial and I left. I went to check out and the front girl is trying to schedule shit and I am like no, I need to go. How much for today? $50. Seriously?? For nothing?? I was so frazzled when I got in the car. I got home and immediately made an appointment with my normal doctor for Friday. I plan on going over everything with her. I never felt so unseen, unheard, and treated this bad in a doctor's office before. It felt like they knew they couldn't get any money out of me for what I wanted so they started making things up. This motherfucker is talking cancer and kidney stones and all sorts of shit. I will never go back to that office again even if something is really wrong with me. Nope.

I also worked on some shit with B yesterday and we managed to solve an issue that's been plaguing us for a while. That at least felt good. Had a meeting with my boss and we set up dinner for when C and I are in town. Also good. We went for a nice walk to decompress and got Mediterranean. Dinner was awesome. We played games online with friends, and went to bed around 11. I also talked with one of my friends in the Bay Area and we got lunch scheduled for when we are there. Nice.

Today I have a full 8:30 - 4:30 day. This should be interesting.

ANA Y1 D320

I'm in pain this morning as to be expected. Was at the studio for 7 hours total, 8 if you count waiting in the car time. 5 in the chair. But the sad thing, we didn't finish. I need a second session in May. Which means no pictures yet. Sorry. But as you might expect, that was the bulk of our day. In the morning I worked on an issue with B about some recordings, after we had dinner with a friend. We got home around 10 and went to bed. Not very much to discuss today. Sorry.

ANA Y1 D319

Slept better. Not great but better. There's something wrong with my shoulder still. I may switch back to my old pillow tonight and see if it helps. I did sleep more soundly but I woke up at one point in pain from the shoulder. I don't know what's going on.

Had a basic day. Nothing exciting, nothing bad. Worked on stuff in the morning, took a nice walk again around 4, made seafood pasta for dinner, had sex, watched tv, went to bed around 11. Nothing to complain about here. B invited us to their housewarming party. Like we would go. Luckily it's the day we leave for our trip so that gave me an easy out. But honestly, do they think we would really go? Their new lesbian friend group will be there, I wager some family might be there, why would we want to hang out with that? Just weird. They keep trying to be "friends" but I wish they would realize that we're going to grow apart. It just is. Oh well. Like I said, it doesn't matter. We will be somewhere in NE when that's going down. Easy out.

Today is new ink day. First one in over six months. Excited and happy. Pictures tomorrow.

ANA Y1 D318

Slept like shit. Couldn't breathe. Couldn't get comfortable. Exhausted this morning. I don't know what's wrong with my shoulder but it keeps giving me trouble at night. 

We went on a 6k walk yesterday. Over 3 miles. It was really nice out and we enjoyed it. We had a good morning making deviled eggs after searching for the hidden easter treats. We finished watching the show Will Trent. We had a basic bitch midwest easter dinner of ham, stuffing, corn, pasta salad, and deviled eggs. Was good.

Tattoos and doctors this week.

ANA Y1 D317

Happy Lich King Day. If you know what I mean, you know what I mean. I will be taking no questions. Thank you. Move along.

We had an incredible busy day but I somehow managed to only be able to sleep for 5 hours. Didn't go to bed until midnight again. Funny enough, I woke up yesterday kind of late and was lamenting that I wasted most of my morning and hadn't accomplished anything. Well, I turned that around. Here's a short list:

• Moved, reorganized, and inventoried the freezer downstairs
• Cleaned up more in the basement, enough to set my train set back up
• Made pizza dough for dinner later
• Went to Target and the store
• Made homemade pizzas
• Cleaned up all the fallen debris in the backyard
• Ripped out three juniper bushes in the front yard
• Watched two episodes of a new show
• Trim C's hair
• Dyed Easter eggs

I am sure there was more, that's all I can remember right now. But not too shabby for a Saturday. I felt very accomplished by the time we went to bed. Our pizzas came out awesome. I was very pleased with them. Used the bread machine to make the dough which is only partial cheating. Mostly I am happy about the yard work. I have wanted those bushes gone since I bought this house. Now it is done. Yay me. I am achy and sore as a result, but so worth it. I have four more to go next weekend. I may buy a moderate chainsaw to help speed up the process though. Took longer than it should have just due to my lack of tools. C helped so much too. We both were scratched and sweaty when all was done. 

Today we're going to the skate park in the morning since the idiots will all be at Jesus time. Then hanging around the house. Need some time to rest.

ANA Y1 D316

Welcome to the weekend! Whee! I slept in, it might actually be a nice day out, and I feel pretty good. Can't ask for much more than that, can I? Nothing exciting happened yesterday. Worked on a presentation, got it finished, we made fajitas for dinner, watched some tv, ran to the store for dinner ingredients, but otherwise stayed inside. Had a good therapy session. B came over to deal with their axies. I made it clear they have 37 days until the axies need to be out. I was being very reasonable and nice. When we get back from our trip, they'd better be gone. Over a month to figure out what to do is more than enough time. I made sure to say that in front of A too. So now I know it will get handled. That was the most exciting thing that happened yesterday to be honest. Otherwise, just a day. I did manage to firm up some plans on our trip. Confirmed two dinners, narrowed down things we're doing with the kid, that sort of thing. Today I am booking some more hotels. Get it all squared away.

Today we are making dough to do our own homemade pizzas for dinner. We're going to dye easter eggs, and we're both horny so you know what that means. Heck, might go take care of that now. Woop. Have a great weekend people.

ANA Y1 D315

Very tired this morning. Like way tired. I got a phone call at 9:45pm last night that lasted until 10:30, then we stayed up talking until like 11:30 and then my alarm went off at 5am. Not enough sleep. I will circle back to the phone call in a minute.

Overall nothing exciting about yesterday. Our only thing was we had to go pick up C's contacts because the place she got them through wouldn't ship them. Buttholes. There's no reason why they couldn't mail them other than wanting to try and make add on sales. Waste of time. We went to the grocery store while we were out too, and it was hell. We went out at like 3pm and what a mistake that was. When we got back, there was an accident in front of our house. So the freeway has a large chunk closed by us AND they are doing some work on side streets which has increased traffic to the point of congestion at certain times of day. Some indian woman hit some old bitchy Karen and the drama unfolded in front of our house. Husbands showed up. Cops showed up. Tow trucks showed up. It appears that indian woman didn't have a license because they impounded her car, they had her in cuffs at one point but I think because she had children or whatever they let the husband take her. It was like 2 hours plus of blocked driveway and drama for us. We were getting really annoyed at the noise, the cars, the traffic it was causing. Just a nightmare. That was our excitement for the day - vicarious annoyance.

Made asian food for dinner. Shrimp fried rice, broccoli beef, egg drop soup. After we watched some tv. As we're getting ready for bed, my phone rings. It's one of my friends from back in CA. Shit, who's dead? She never calls me. Turns out she was just drunk (at 6:45pm mind you) and missed me. Okay. We had a good conversation and such. We will see them when we go in May. Haven't seen them in 2 years? It will be interesting.

Got therapy today. More doc work. Then a quiet weekend. I need one.

ANA Y1 D314

Guess what we did last night? WE SLEPT WITH THE WINDOWS OPEN! It was AWESOME. The weather yesterday was finally nice enough (in my opinion) to open the windows. Now, for clarity I must say there was a tornado warning in affect until about 4pm, and there were a few times I thought we were off to the land of Oz, but the weather! So muggy. So warm. So wet. All of that equals me being very happy. I'll take a tornado if it means I get to be warm finally and get to sleep with the windows open. Very happy indeed. 

Worked on documents, went to the grocery store, took C to get a prescription, watched the weather, watched the rain, played in the rain, made chicken with mushroom soup over rice for dinner, watched some TV, had a great conversation with the kid, and in general, had a pretty good day. Nothing too crazy, EXCEPT for the cats. I am completely done with them. I clean up piss, shit, and vomit multiple times. I had to move the litter box back downstairs because they are too stupid and keep pissing outside of it. Ruining my floors up here. I also moved their food back down. I feel bad for Merlot but she will figure it out. The other two need to go. I am done with their antics. They scream, they are disgusting, and just need to go. B should take them since oh I don't know, they wanted them in the first place?!?! Meh. Tired of all that too. 

3 weeks and we're out of here. Can't come fast enough.

ANA Y1 D313

Got a letter in the mail from the IRS this morning. It's 2010 all over again kids. But the difference this time is how I handled it. I didn't bury my head in the sand and ignore it. I went right online, took care of it, and moved on. A lot has change in almost 15 years. Me especially. I face shit head on now and don't pretend it's just going to go away. Thank you therapy.

Worked on a presentation all day. Played and finished Pokemon Scarlet. Had pizza for dinner. Watched some TV. You may have noticed no sex since the first. C is having a little issue downstairs which has curtailed our fun times. Both of us are getting frustrated over it and hopefully we can resume tonight. I didn't want you thinking anything was wrong. We're still good, strong, and happy. Illogically, B and A are celebrating their six month milestone today. Even though they started fucking months earlier. Um, okay. I guess they're only counting from when A officially said be my gf. Sigh. Okay. Weirdos. But look, we're both moving on and forward. Only thing that matters, right? Now if they would stop messaging me as their emotional support person, that would be great. Soon I hope. 

More of the same today. Nothing exciting. We're both starting to take care of things for our trip. Counting our meds to see when we need to refill scripts, C got her contacts refilled, stuff like that. We are 23 days from leaving. Hurry up.

ANA Y1 D312

Morning. I'm tired this morning. Didn't fall asleep until close to midnight. Many reasons. We went to bed around 11, but laid there talking and listening to the rain. We like to talk when we go to bed. We snuggle. We cuddle. We talk. It makes me happy. I'll lose some sleep to have this. Any day.

It was nice for the first part of yesterday so we decided to go get some burgers at a new place for lunch yesterday. We even sat outside to eat. The burgers were great. Definitely go back there in the future. We both worked on our stuff yesterday. I have upcoming webinars I am working on and C has a final project for one of her classes she is handling. We both focused on that until about 3:30 and then we called it a day. We made ribs for dinner. We also started planning out how many days we will be gone and how much clothing we will need. What kind of activities we will be doing each day, what type of outfit we will need, what kind of shoes, etc. It's not too bad. We only need nice clothes for like 2 of the 14 days otherwise it's all casual and comfy. This will help us figure out how much luggage we need to bring too. We want to have a "quick" bag for each of the driving days - underwear, toiletries, etc. We don't want to be bringing a shit ton of suitcases in to every hotel. C likes it when I make spreadsheets for shit. It helps her see everything in one place. She also worked on getting new contacts for the trip so she doesn't have to deal with glasses everywhere. After all that we played some Pokemon, watched a little tv, and went to bed. The rain is still going and sounds nice outside right now.

More of the same today. Just three more weeks.

ANA Y1 D311

I was in a good mood. Then I got my tax bill. $500 state, $1000 fed. Sigh. Same shit, different year. I will figure it out. I always do. Just not what I wanted right now, ya know? I will pull it out of some magical hat. Not much else I can do. 

We had a fun day yesterday. Frustrating because we tried to go a new burger place and like everything else around here, "worker shortage" caused issues. We tried five places, five places closed. Fuck this state. Fuck this world.

You know what? I was going to right some nice stuff this morning but now all I can focus on are these fucking taxes. Son of a bitch. Okay breathe.

Fuck. It's all gone in my head. Everything I had thought about putting down is just gone. I have shit to do. Bye.

ANA Y1 D310

April has started. We had a very full and busy day going from 5am until nearly midnight. But we did start the month off with a bang. Get it?? Nudge nudge wink wink. Because we banged. Yeah, I'm hilarious. You know it. Move along...

The day started with us leaving the house around 7:30 to do some quick shopping before my hair appointment at 8:30. We needed some minor stuff like napkins, kitty litter; stuff like that. Luckily there's a crapmart right next to my hair salon. We finished up at 8:12, and started in on my hair. We were out of there by 10am. Came back home and started doing house stuff. I worked in the basement. I got all the carpet and flooring ripped out of the old office, cleaned the laundry room of all of the old fish stuff that will be leaving, reorganized the cabinets and shelves, started laundry, and fixed all my pops down there. I then needed a little rest as I had been up since 4:30. Took a brief nap, switched the laundry, then we decided to take a break and go at each other. Nothing like midday sex my friends. Sun shining sweat pouring let the neighbors think we're animals. Booyah. Around 4 I started making mushroom soup. C does love my mushroom soup. We had it in nice bread bowls. Then we settled in for a block of insanity. The kid right now is in LA. She is at WrestleMania 39. Yep. Since they have the license for it and she is a muckity muck in the food chain, she was given a free VIP ticket which included a box seat and access to the pre-party. First off, let me say how proud of her I am. She got on a plane, got into LA, went to the stadium, and did all this on her own. She had an opportunity for an adventure and nothing stood in her way. Way to fucking go. This is why I love this kid. She has learned that when you get a chance for a true experience, take it. She will remember this night forever. We live chatted with her from the minute it started at 6pm. We would tell her what we were seeing on TV and she was sending pics of the VIP party. During the pre-show we trimmed C's hair to help kill some time. Well, curiosity and fun got the best of me and C and we ended up watching the WHOLE DAMN THING. It was a blast. We got into the backstories of all these characters, we were shouting at the TV, and we were messaging with the kid the whole time. It felt like all three of us were there and it was neat. We kept trying to see her on TV but couldn't. She was in a box with food and drinks but having an awesome time. By the time it was over we were exhausted from all the excitement. What a wonderful time! Got in bed somewhere around midnight and crashed out.

The only blight mark on yesterday was of course B. It was A's birthday yesterday. Nothing wrong with that except B's post on insta saying "Happy birthday, I love you, blah blah blah. Thank you for finding me. Like WTF. You weren't "lost". You act like a fucking abuse victim who was living in squalor. Hell, the only reason you're back in MI is because of me. I don't mind the birthday sentiments, I don't mind the whole vibe, it's that victim attitude that gets me. Especially since I am still bank rolling this bitch. Fuck that shit.

Okay, enough of that. Today is going to be a quiet day. We have no solid plans and lots of leftovers to eat.

ANA Y1 D309

Had another rough night. It was storming HARD from about 8pm on and made the pressure horrible, the lightning was crazy, and the rain and thunder kept waking me up. I also had a really horrible dream about being undercover within some Nazi camp. Apparently Nazis took over the world and I was trying to resist and do some shit. Yeah. Then I had some other bad dream that I can't remember but I woke up just angry. Not a good night.

Did have a mostly good day though. Got up, paid bills, sent out MORE money for stupidhead. They need to get their shit in order very soon or I may just say fuck it, file, and tell them to fuck off. Getting tired of it. Taught all day, went to the store at lunch to get some ingredients for dinner and a birthday card for a friend. Oh my god. The old people. Both C and I were ready to murder someone after. Stopping in the aisles, being in the way, just being old. MOVE MOTHERFUCKER. The cats were driving us both nuts all day. After dinner, which was sweet chili salmon on top of pineapple, we went back to the store to get the remaining ingredients for mushroom soup which I will be making tonight. That was a better experience. Fancier store, less old fucks. Came back, played some video games, fooled around a bit, went to bed around 11. 

Today I have hair, then we're coming home and doing some home related stuff like shelves and cleaning the laundry room. Making mushroom soup, having sex, and trying to have a decent day is the plan. Let's see how we do.