ANA Y2 D309

Happy Lich King Day. If you know, you know.

Yesterday was off all day. By that I mean it was grey and drizzly all day so you never knew what damn time it was and just was so blah all day. it was pretty annoying. We went out at 9:30, came home at noon, went outside around 2, made dinner at 6 and no matter what, the sky was the same stale grey color. Made for a meh kind of day. We were okay but we both just felt in that liminial mind set all day. Stupid weather is stupid.

We went to the store, had a nice lunch, prepped the room for painting today, had a good dinner. While the outside was awful, inside was good. Have to be happy with that.

ANA Y2 D308

I had a very satisfying day yesterday. I don't want to say good, because it wasn't good or bad, but it felt very accomplished. First off, Thursday I sent my new boss an update asking for his guidance on next steps. Well, he got back to me at a reasonable time thursday and gave me a clear set of tasks for yesterday. Perfect. I went to the store (more on that in a minute), paid bills, and then had very straight forward work tasks. I was able to provide him with what he needed to which he was grateful and complimented that the work I did was valuable to what he needed. That little compliment felt good. Finished the work day feeling like I had actually done something.

As for the store, I went to the Walmart for the normal crap, but then I went to another location of C's store. They're having a meat sale right now. I was on the fence about something but went for it. I bought an 11 pound slab of NY loin. It was $60. I knew I could get at least 10-11 steaks out of that but I just had to slice it myself. Problem was, how to slice? I ended up doing a same day delivery on an electric carving knife. Smart move. Even with the $20 knife investment, which I used later in the night to carve a whole chicken, it was worth it. I got 15 steaks out of the loin! Came out to about $4 a steak. Not going to bitch about that.

At the same time, C was NOT having a good day at work so I made her a little gift basket. Got her roses, some chips, mountain dew, and a card. Changed her whole day when she got home. Made for a very nice afternoon for both of us. She felt appreciated and seen which was the goal. Made her whole day better. Which in turn made us both feel good. 

Made a whole chicken in the instant pot last night. Came out wonderful in forty minutes including vent time. Dinner was good, the day was good, our paint for this room came. Today before bed we're doing to empty it as much as possible so I can paint while she is at work tomorrow. That's going to be an adventure. Otherwise, we're taking it easy today.

ANA Y2 D307

Up early again. Grocery store. Bills. Things to do. Welcome to Friday.

ANA Y2 D306

I overslept because I was up until midnight then C kept getting up and waking me up every time she did. She didn't mean to but I ended up having shit sleep until my alarm went off where I promptly slept soundly for almost 2 hours. Fuck me.

Had an emotional hand off meeting with my boss who is going on leave. I am now reporting to someone else but luckily we've known each other for years. He will be fine.

Had tuna melts for dinner.

ANA Y2 D305

Nothing exciting today to write about. It rained all day. Worked on power automate stuff. Made gnocchi for dinner. Watched some tv. Had some cuddle time. A very uneventful Tuesday.

ANA Y2 D304

It's raining and will continue to do so all day. Better than snow. But some day I will see the sun again and not need to rely on vitamin D supplements. Some day. Not today though.

Boring day. I worked on some new stuff, had a couple of meetings. C worked a 2-9 so I had whatever was in the fridge for dinner. Watched some tv. We went to bed around 11. She has another closing shift this week. Two in one week is bullshit. But it brings in money and it's a job.

Honestly not much else going on. It's another week in hell.

ANA Y2 D303

Last night we watched the Nickelodeon documentary, Quiet on the Set. We watched all four parts in a row. What a heartbreaking tragic story. But, not a surprising one. At least not the parts about Dan S. The parts with Drake Bell? No, those were just wrong and horrible. There was just so much going on that no one knew about. Not to mention when they start looking at some of the scenes from these "kids" shows, how much adult stuff was put in and was blown off as "funny". If you haven't watched it, please do. But be prepared to be disgusted in parts. Saddened in others. It's a heart wrenching watch.

For dinner last night we had sausage and peppers over pasta. We got it at the Italian store on Saturday. Going into that store was my form of nostalgia. All the brands and foods I grew up with as a kid. It's funny how over time you lose touch with some things because either they're not available any more or they're too expensive to buy regularly. But walking down the aisles of that store was like being back in my grandmother's house and all the afternoon snacks and dinner came rushing back. Brands I had forgotten about and things I would eat all the time. Regardless, dinner last night, while not fancy, was a window into the past and tasted both good and yet somehow bittersweet. 

I found this picture yesterday while scrolling Tumblr of three girls all holding skateboards and flipping off a sign that said no skateboarding. It was probably taken early 90s at a high school. It gave me a pain in my chest because I could see a glimpse of what my childhood would have been like if things had been different. Two of the girls in the picture could easily be me and my sister. Just a weird set of emotions it drew out of me. Like why couldn't this have been us? Why did things go the way they went? I know you can't go back, but it still gives me an ache sometimes. 

Speaking of aches, C's dad was back in the hospital yesterday. This time for prostate and bladder issues along with back and leg issues. He got his leg caught under his wheelchair and couldn't feel it. How scary is that? There was more, but I wouldn't be doing the situation justice by trying to summarize in a couple of sentences. Needless to say, C was distraught. She carries so much guilt from her time caring for him. She worries she didn't do enough or was smart enough. Her sister is in the medical field and knows how to push for tests and demand answers. Poor C was doing the best she could with little support system. Yet she carries the burden even now a year later of not having to be there for him. She shoulders the guilt of all the times she left him piss her off. A heavy burden to say the least.

More working on random shit this week. But there are potential weeks of training in my future including a possible trip to RI. One of the few remaining states I have never visited. I should learn more about that this week.

ANA Y2 D302

Since I took Friday to deal with shit, we had a guilt free Saturday. I didn't feel like there were a million things to do and it was nice. We took our time and went over to the big Italian grocery store. Oh man it was so nice in there. We got homemade gelato, sandwiches for lunch, and for dinner tonight sausage and peppers. We came home, relaxed, hung out, then went out for pizza. C treated for dinner which is still such a nice thing for me. Then we came home, watched a movie, ate gelato and popcorn, and went off to bed. A good day all around.

Today I am going to go to the store in the morning, but then not much else of anything.

ANA Y2 D301

Getting close to the start of a new year of this stuff. Woo?

I really needed yesterday. An official day off with no issues. No lying, no minimal work, no just a day off for me. I did laundry. I cleaned. I took a bath. It was relaxing and what I needed. It snowed ALL day. From 5am until 11pm. We have about six inches of snow out there right now. We were supposed to go out for a date night but that got shelved. Instead I made ribs and we stayed in. I was okay with that. Everything is still covered in snow but we're going to try and go out tonight. But right now, I am rested, I don't feel like there's a million things to do, and I'm okay. I needed a break.

ANA Y2 D300

DAY OFF! I am taking a mental health day today to do laundry, clean, and just focus on shit I care about. Make me feel like at least one part of my life is organized. If things around the house are more put together then I will be able to handle some of the other stuff. Like the potential six inches of snow that's about to dump today. Slept until 5:15 and woke up on my own. Plus my expense check came through. So far, this mental health day is doing its job.

Was on sales calls for hours yesterday, started a new curriculum, and answered emails. We went and had wendy's for dinner since neither of us felt like cooking. C had a stupid 2-6 shift and it was like bleh. We then watched tv together on the couch all snuggled up. Today it's supposed to snow all stupid day. Let it. Don't care. It's a ME day.

ANA Y2 D299

Slept better. Not perfect, but better. This time I didn't wake up until 2:24. We get a break from snow today but them tomorrow the threat of up to six inches. It's almost April and I'm over here worried about snow. Sigh.

Worked on videos yesterday and gave my presentation. 100 people showed up for it. If we get even one lead then I have done my job and everyone can leave me alone. Made tuna for dinner on crispy rice. Was very happy with how it turned out. 

Watched some tv, went to bed.

ANA Y2 D298

Had the worst night ever. Woke up at 12:45 and was awake until almost 2:30. Woke up again at 4. Finally woke up for the last time at 6:30. So I am behind, frazzled, and just not good. I had the most intense strange dreams. I don't even know where to begin with them. Just some odd stuff. But they were intense enough that when I woke up I could not fall back to sleep. 

On top of that, yesterday was just a rough day. My boss announced she is taking a three month leave of absence. I will have to work more with the one person I hate. I am going to be on more radars now. B's grandmother died. Got that call at 10pm. Sad because I can't go to the funeral without it starting a shit storm. Just an odd, hard day yesterday.

Yeah. Just keep on keeping on.

ANA Y2 D297

I have come to realize that right now I am functionally depressed. Plus the functional part is very tenuous. I am holding on by a string. I am having to really force myself to get shit done, but it's getting done. Barely. Why am I feeling this way? A million reasons. One of the biggest is this goddamn weather. It snowed again all day. Snow. I went to the store late in the afternoon and got snow whipping in my face. It's 29 degrees outside. I am struggling with this. Work isn't doing me any favors either. I watched more goddamn videos yesterday on AI-102 and ugh just painful. I have been working for 41 years. All I do is work and sleep and clean. Last year this time I was planning our trip. Now I am in an endless cycle of ugh. But I can't stop. I can never stop. I have to keep going. So I do.

ANA Y2 D296

Had the worst fucking night ever. Marble wouldn't stop crawling all over us all goddamn night. Sitting right on top of our faces at that. All fucking night. I would fling her off and ten seconds later she'd be right back. It was because the temp dropped to 28 last night. Let me tell you about the weather yesterday. We literally had every system you can imagine. Like every single one. It rained. The sun came out. It got up to 50. It dropped to 28. It snowed. The sun came out. Then the wind started. Then it rained some more. Then it fucking hailed and wind. Then the sun came out. Then it clouded up and rained. All fucking day it was like this. What the hell is March here? 

I washed my hair yesterday. Played my video game with friends. Made madeleines, made mushroom soup, did laundry, we fixed our issue with the printer. We did C's hair. It was a busy productive yet very odd day. Now it's another week of whatever the hell work is right now. Yay.

ANA Y2 D295

It's snowing. Sigh. Happy my heritage day. No corned beef this year. Making mushroom soup tonight. Made steaks last night. Ran errands. Did stuff around the house. Went to the park for community day. Got to go wash the sheets. Bleh.

ANA Y2 D294

Slept in very late. It's almost 8am. That might as well be noon. Clearly I needed the sleep. We went to bed around midnight so I know in perspective it's not that crazy but makes me feel like I was slacking. Some day I might get over that. Yeah right.

Bills, groceries, etc. That was yesterday. It was our 18 month anniversary yesterday. No we didn't do anything special, just more of a mental milestone. We did go out for BBQ but we would have done that anyway. It's just amazing to think of how much my life has changed in the last year and a half. Where I was in March of 22 or 23 to where I am now. I'm healthy mentally. My ears don't scream 24/7. I am still broke and behind on everything, but I've honestly never been happier. Weird.

Do I deserve it?

ANA Y2 D293

Bill day. Whee. Waiting to get paid so I can send it all out. Fun times. 

Boring day. Did stuff and things. Made meatball subs for dinner. Played games together. Made out on the couch for a while just because. Went to bed. It rained. A lot. Sigh.

ANA Y2 D292

Didn't sleep well. No real reason just tossed and turned and woke up a lot during the night. Drooled a lot too. Weather? Maybe. I don't know. But I am a bit frazzled this morning. Had a decent day yesterday. Worked on work stuff. Ran a couple of errands. Made salmon for dinner. Nothing exciting. We did get to take our first after dinner walk of the year. It was finally a really nice night. Of course it's going to snow in six days. No seriously. It was like 68 yesterday, today it will be 50, slowly making its way back to the 30s by middle of next week. Snow next friday. Like come on. C wants to do some planting and I agreed, but not until we are sure it's not going to continue to snow on us. Fucking stupid Michigan weather.

ANA Y2 D291

Very sleepy this morning. But on a positive note the weather has changed and we slept with the window wide open all night. That was nice. Supposed to be similar today. Of course, it is March in MI. Last year around this time we went for a drive and got stuck in a blizzard. So who the fuck knows.

Taught all day again. Then we tried out our new lawnmowers. The grass was still a little wet so it didn't do as well as we would have liked, but it definitely made a difference. Also we saw that this isn't going to be as overwhelming as we feared. We did the whole back area in about 30 minutes. With two mowers we can get all the yardwork done together as a team in like an hour twice a month. I can handle that.

Taco tuesday. Made turkey tacos. We both ate too many tacos and suffered the consequences. But they were so good. Tonight is salmon. Have a bunch of stuff to catch up on today and recordings. Not a stressful day, but things to do.

ANA Y2 D290

Had two very interesting and distinct dreams last night. In the first one, I was in Hell. But not in a bad way. I even said in my dream "I always knew I would go to Hell but who'd of thought it would be this much fun!". In my dream I was in charge of punishing assholes. So I did go to hell, but they hired me to work there. Go figure. The second one was a robot apocalypse dream. Had to blow up some terminator thing and save people and ended up working for a car dealership. That one made less sense. Both were extremely vivid and stuck with me. 

Taught all day. Decent class. Nothing exciting. 12 students. Went all the way until 4:30. Ordered happy's for dinner since C had to work a close. Watched TV until she got home. Went to bed. More of the same today.

ANA Y2 D289

Did a bunch of errands. Made crepes for dinner. Was screwed up by the time change all day. Slept like shit. Have to teach the next two days. Happy about that. It snowed almost all day yesterday. Yes, snowed. Stupid weather.

ANA Y2 D288

Fuck your DST. 4:40am came way too fast. Blah.

Good day yesterday. Ran errands. Spent the whole day together doing stuff. Was really nice. Made mahi rice bowls for dinner. I wasn't happy with them but they were edible. I didn't make enough rice so we went to DQ for dessert. Okay, shit to do this morning. Yay.

ANA Y2 D287

It lose an hour weekend. Joy. Did work yesterday. Had meetings. Prepped for a class monday and tuesday. Made lamb for dinner. Watched TV. Played games with C. Did laundry. Rained almost all day. More of the same today. Sirens blaring outside the window already. All day every day we hear sirens here. Like I live in a war zone. Which come November it might be. This country is headed for an implosion. Watch and see...

ANA Y2 D286

There's a trend on TikTok that drives me nuts. It's women placing their phones at "their partner/boyfriend/husband's height". So they can see what they look like to them. The problem? You people have no clue how optics work!! Nor are you placing it EYE LEVEL. If someone is six foot tall, their eyes are at probably 5'6" or 5"7". But it's really the optics on the lenses. They are set to be wider and pulled farther back. You would need to adjust for that. So no, you don't look like a midget to them. Learn before you post.

Worked on a blog yesterday, made shrimp curry for dinner (paying for that this morning), played games, went to bed. More of the same but with lamb chops today. Oh we did some yard work yesterday. Decided to get a lawnmower. C wants to do it for the exercise and to save the money. I am down. It arrives Saturday and we will give it a test run if it's not raining.

ANA Y2 D285

I'm not sure I've ever mentioned this, but boy do I hate salespeople. Kidding. We all know my disdain for them. I had the meetings from hell yesterday with ours to put together a proposal. They just don't listen. They have to argue about things that are definitive statements. But what if... Well if we... No. This is a statement that does not require a rebuttal. Shush.

Been trying to use the instant pot more and made game hens in it last night. Cut my normal time of 1h 45m down to 25. Seriously. They came out tender, fully cooked and juicy as hell. I will remember that. We picked out a paint color for the office. Got a sample and I very much love it. Light yellow. Now to get a full gallon and go to town in here. That's going to be my weekend project maybe. 

Played RB3 with C last night. We had fun. My hands hurt but I am getting better. More work bullshit today. We lose an hour this weekend and to that I say poop.

ANA Y2 D284

Made braciole last night. First time I've ever made it. Came out okay. Very heavy. Leftovers for days.

Poured rain for a part of the day then dropped back down into the 40s. Fuck this weather and fuck everything. 

Played games with C. Dealt with work. Want it all to end.

ANA Y2 D283

It got warm yesterday finally. Had the windows open while we slept. I need a cpap. Or to lose 100 pounds. I'm fat. old. and tired. I need a break away from here. From bills, from cleaning, from everything. But not C. My shining light in the darkness. Last year this time we were planning our trip. This year we're planning how to stay alive. Oh the difference a year makes.

ANA Y2 D282

I just want to give up sometimes. But I know I can't. Too many people would be hurt. I would let too many people down. But can't I ever catch a break? Please? I had one chance 30 years ago and I blew it. I guess that was my one time. No second chances for people like me. Just keep going until we crawl into the grave.

ANA Y2 D281

 Allow me to do an impression:

CAW CAW

BANG

Fuck I'm dead!

Guess what we watched last night? With all the talk surrounding the upcoming remake, I wanted C to experience the original in all its glory. I have to say, for 30 years old, it has held up remarkably well. C enjoyed it immensely. We had a really good day yesterday. We spent the whole day doing stuff together and it was nice. We both had hair appointments. We made dinner together. We watched a movie. It was a good Saturday. Once we got home from the salon we both spent the rest of the day in pajamas. Can't ask for more than that.

Now today I have shit to do. Have to go to the store. Need to wash the car. I got one relaxing day at least.

ANA Y2 D280

Hair day!! Much need! Much excite!

Nothing exciting yesterday. We're in the cocoon mode. Too cold and too broke to do much. Paid bills. Got groceries. Made pasta for dinner. Watched tv. Up too fucking early.

ANA Y2 D279

Welcome to another Friday payday. Mortgage has to be paid. Bills to go out. Taxes to be paid. Fun fun fun. It never fucking ends. Work sucks. Home is good. Tired as hell.