ANA Y3 D186

Was up way too early yesterday. It started snowing on us too. Me and the dog driving int he dark to the groomers in the snow. That was not a fun drive. While she was in the groomers I went to the grocery store, got my oil changed, and managed to get back home in one piece. I did slide through one intersection which was scary as hell. There's still snow on the ground. Not sure how much more we're getting. Had tacos for dinner. No plans for today thankfully.

ANA Y3 D185

I made a big mistake. I made an appointment for the dog at the groomers today. My mistake? Making it 7am. I am fucking tired. I just want to sleep.

Yesterday was okay. My duck turned out good. Cake good. Day, meh.

ANA Y3 D184

And now for four days off. I get a little break today but have stuff to do the rest of the weekend. We did leave the house last night. Had to run a couple of errands. Better than nothing. I also slept until almost 6am this morning. Small victories. Not going to over do the cooking today. Start around 4:30. Making my duck. Nothing fancy. Clean the house. Wrap presents.

ANA Y3 D183

 Same as it ever was, same as it ever was.

ANA Y3 D182

Yesterday was long. C is working overtime to take advantage of the holidays and shortage of people to make extra money. I understand why and appreciate her doing it, but it makes for long lonely days for me. The weather is in between right now. Grey but no snow or rain. Just grey. All day. You never know what time it is, you never know what's going on. So in the house all day, with no sun, alone. It sucks.

ANA Y3 D181

 Yesterday sucked. I didn't do shit. I was stuck in the house all day. Weather sucked.

ANA Y3 D180

I stayed up until almost 1am getting C's laundry done so she had clothes this morning. She forgot to put it in until she was getting ready for bed and I volunteered to stay up for her. As such I did sleep in this morning until almost 7am. Fair enough. When she got to work this morning, they offered her a promotion! Prepared Food Specialist. No more dealing with customers. She gets to work in the kitchen putting together all the foods served in the deli. How ironic that I end up with a partner who seems to be going down a food service career path. Watch, she will end up with her culinary degree before me. Cest la vie. Yes, it comes with a raise (a significant one too) and two weeks of training at their main kitchen. Very proud of her.

We had a good day yesterday. Managed to get a lot done. I got all of my laundry done, we cleaned, we made homemade mounds bars, did yard work, worked down in the basement and got things rearranged down there, planned out the dog trolley in the backyard (had to order drill bits, they will be here today), made a nice tuna for dinner, watched some tv, just a good day where we got shit done. I am happy. Don't get me wrong, the outside world still sucks and I hate people. But in my little bubble where it really matters, I am okay.

I was thinking about this when I went to bed. It's been 26 months we've been together. Not a long time in the grand scheme of things, I know. Between my three exwives, I was with them for nearly 30 years of my life. So a little over 2 isn't much. BUT how I *feel* after two is very different than how I have felt ever before. When I got into bed last night, I immediately made sure I was touching her. I look forward to her coming home. I still crave her. I still enjoy her company. I want nothing more than to spend time in the same room with her. Took me most of my life, but I finally found what I needed to be whole.

So for all that, I am happy.

ANA Y3 D179

I don't want to be awake yet, but here we are. Thanks doglet.

Had therpay yesterday morning and she made me take a self-compassion assessment during our session. I didn't score well to say the least. I am very down on myself lately and it came through in this assessment. She wants me to to do some of the guided practices on the website she sent me. Sure, let me just squeeze that in between everything else. No problem. Oh wait.

Did my second session. Only had about 60 something people this time. But in total just under 150 between the two sessions. Not complaining. C took me out for Indian food last night. It was nice not only not having to do dishes but also not paying. That was the best part of the night. I paid all the bills yesterday, bought groceries, etc. So not having to pay for dinner was pleasant.

Speaking of groceries, I got a duck to cook for Thursday. Fuck turkey and all the other nasty midwestern crap like green bean fucking casserole. Hate that shit. Nope. We're going to have duck, brussel sprouts and little potatoes. Suck it. I also got a leg of lamb and some tiny chickens. 

No plans for today thankfully.

ANA Y3 D178

Gave session 1 of 2 to my client yesterday. A little under a 100 people. Expect the same at todays. Quiet group. Probably because everyone is bit somber these days and it was 8am. But I got through it. 

Had a meeting, worked on a class for an upcoming training, the usual shit. Dealt with the dog all day. It snowed, but it didn't stick. Don't know if I would count that as the first one of the season. Dog was very confused by the snow. Cute but confused. Made grilled turkey and cheese with soup for dinner. Didn't feel like doing anything more than that.

Bills to pay. Therapy. Whee.

ANA Y3 D177

Mike Johnson's bullshit yesterday shows me what I have to look forward to for the next four years and beyond potentially. A world where I am barred from doing even the most basic things like using a restroom in a building that is supposed to represent me that my tax dollars have paid for. This is the world we're moving into people, and it sucks. 

Worked on a bunch of things. Made swordfish for dinner. Contemplated my existence. Decided I will avoid ever leaving the house again.

ANA Y3 D176

Went to the doctor yesterday. I have a muscle tear in my left leg. I am under doctor's orders to not walk excessively until the weekend. I am also on ibuprofen twice a day, plus heat at night. Then starting Saturday I am allowed to walk no more than 1 mile a day for the first few days. If there's no improvement, then we will look at MRIs and the like. Pretty much what I expected to be honest. None of this comes as a shock. But it was nice to have the confirmation. Worth the $25 copay to get proper medical advice. Had a late meeting with my boss to discuss upcoming training projects. Made chicken for dinner. C described yesterday as "very sleepy outside". One of the more apt weather descriptions I have ever heard. Makes perfect sense. It was a dreary grey day all day. Poor dog couldn't understand why she couldn't go outside and run in the rain. We're looking at getting a trolley system so she can have free reign in the backyard. Put that up this weekend if it comes in time. Have presentations to prep for on Thursday and Friday. Fun times.

ANA Y3 D175

 I am officially divorced for the third time. Woo! This time around, I really am happy about it. It was a wild ride in court today. So it's a zoom court which is fine for us. We get on and there's three other folks there waiting for their cases too. We were scheduled for 8:30 but the judge has shit to do, right? So we're all waiting. There's a lawyer representing a couple, me and B, and another couple. Well the guy in couple 3? Didn't mute. When the judge came to start he was mouthing off about how it was almost 9 and he was scheduled for 8:30. The judge was like "Well mr X, I do have things to do before I start my docket and I'd advise you to mute your mic before you start complaining about me in my courtoom". He backpedaled so hard it was hilarious. She calls the first couple and they frustrate the judge because apparently they filed in April and have been going back and forth on if they want a divorce. It's a 25 year marriage. Their lawyer is like lawyer slick and annoying. She sets them a new date and tells them this is it. Shit or get off the pot. Can't keep taking up court's time because you don't know what you're doing. She then calls us. We go through everything and at the end she says:

"You two are model divorce case. I wish all of my cases were like this. You did everything right, you listened to everything we said, you required no help, no lawyers. If you were in this court room today I would give you gold stars. If you come by my courthouse my staff will give you gold stars for being a perfect example of how this should be done."

That's right, we got an A+ in divorce which is a totally normal thing to do! We did do it right. We showed it doesn't have to be mean or vindictive. Hence my being happy this time around.

Doglet celebrated her six month birthday yesterday. We got her a pup cup. She has now lived with us longer than on the farm. She is officially our dog. Now to get her out of puppy stage. Another year to go. 

Have a doctor appointment this morning for my leg. May it be not as bad as I am thinking it will be.

ANA Y3 D174

Didn't do much of anything yesterday. C worked. I was home with dog. Made salmon bowls for dinner. Watched some tv. Walked. 

In three hours I have court. My divorce should be final. Wish me luck.

ANA Y3 D173

I now own a Mossberg 12 gauge shotgun. It is locked in a case in the closet in the bedroom. One box of ammo is in my night stand, one box in C's. May we never have to fire it. Did have a funny moment yesterday when I was picking it up. I shared with a friend:

Okay so lots of forms to fill out, luckily all on a computer. We're going through all the papers, all the shit he has to show me legally, etc. We get to the screen where we submit the background check. As I go to click the button he starts saying "Now this can take up to 2 hours to...oh. Yours is done." Four seconds. Approved.

That was amusing. From door to door, took me 2 hours, about 50 minutes of that driving. So a little over an hour to walk into a store and walk out with a weapon of destruction. Wow.

Did laundry, cleaned, got more groceries. Made steak fajitas for dinner. Other than the morning, a fairly boring day.  

ANA Y3 D172

Yesterday was crazy. Nothing worked in my class because of their network. I had to find workarounds and jump through hoops.In the end I made the students happy, got good feedback, and all was well, but on my side I was frustrated and stressed. Then I made ribs for dinner. Need to clean. Go to store. Pick up gun. Joy.

ANA Y3 D171

Another long rough day. Didn't finish until exactly 4pm. We have one more day together too. After work we toook a ride to the grocery store. One of C's stores is doing a grand reopening and two other stores are in the celebration. Some of the items on sale are incredible. We got a 15lb bag of japanese rice for $13. Four 12-packs of soda for $12. I am having her bring more home today to stock up. We saved $126 off our bill. Insane. Made pasta for dinner. Watched some tv. Went to bed.

ANA Y3 D170

Yesterday was rough. 17 people. 12 of them didn't have the software installed. We lost 40 minutes until they all got it installed and running. It was a draining day both physically and mentally. Made salmon for dinner. Did laundry. Wrapped Xmas presents. Collpased around 11.

ANA Y3 D169

Teach the next three days. Got to get ready. Have shit to prep. Class starts at 8am. That half hour makes a difference. Had fish and chips for dinner. Watched some tv.

ANA Y3 D168

Had a really bad night. My back spasmed on me around 9pm and I tried to head off a repeat of last time so I immediately put a heating pad on it, took a hydrocodone and got in a comfortable spot in bed. 1:26 I was back up in pain and this time add indigestion issues to the mix. I was up until 2:30 when I took another 1/2 of a pill. It still hurts this morning but is down to dull throb and I ate like six tums. This is the state of my life. My body is falling apart just like the world.

ANA Y3 D167

C has a good schedule the next two weeks. 7-3:30 M-W, F, Sunday 6-2 this week. Next week T-F 7-3:30, Sunday 6-2. I can work with that. Very much in line with a normal people kind of schedule.

We went out for mexican last night because it was a cold rainy day and I was stuck inside with a crazy doglet. I didn't want to be in the house any more. I spent the whole day amusing her basically.

Teach three days this week. Odds and ends today.

ANA Y3 D166

I know I haven't said much lately. It's been a chaotic hectic time in history. Tensions are high. Nerves are raw. There's just a lot going on to process. Sadly, I placed an order yesterday for a shotgun. This is the second time in my life where I felt the need to have a weapon on the premises to protect myself and my family. I don't like that. I would have liked to never have to do that again. But here we are. Sadly I will sleep better knowing it's in the house. Next up are wired cameras around the house. At least a couple mounted inside pointed out. My home is now becoming a barricade. This is what the world has driven us to around here. Things are only going to get progressively worse I fear.

I did have a productive day yesterday. I went to the store before C left for work. Then I mowed and mulched the front lawn. Made brownies. Made soup. Ordered a shotgun. Cleaned the house. Did laundry. Need to do the sheets today. Once again, trying to live a normal life while Rome burns is hard. But I have to survive. Survival sometimes is boring. It's getting out of bed and washing the sheets. It's paying bills and walking the dog. We did 3 miles with her last night. 

May your days be better than mine right now.

ANA Y3 D165

Taught all day. Got sushi for dinner. Exhausted. Went on thre emile walk anyway. Up early to go store before C goes to work. Another Saturday spent alone.

ANA Y3 D164

Things are not better. Craziness. Issues with people. People losing their shit. Not in the mood. Have to teach. Have to pay bills. Not handling well.

ANA Y3 D163

So it begins. Yesterday at work, C was OPENLY mocked and misgendered by both coworkers and customers and no one lifted a finger to stop it. THIS is what we get to deal with for who knows how long. You know where most of my anger lies? At the 14-15 MILLION people who chose not to vote. If you're one of them, you're no longer welcome in my life. Plain and simple. He LOST votes from 2020. 3 million to be exact. People who say my vote doesn't count? FUCK YOU. If those 14 million people had shown up and voted, things would be different. May god have mercy on you, because I sure as fuck don't. We shopped shotguns last night. We are planning a survival strategy. Odessa Tx has put a $10,000 bounty on any transwoman caught using the "wrong" restroom. People are already trying to report their friends, neighbors, and coworkers for considering abortions. You made this world. Good fucking job assholes.

ANA Y3 D162

I barely survived his first four years. Freedom died at 5:37am EST this morning.

Welcome to hell. This is the worst timeline. I must find a way out.

ANA Y3 D161

Today either freedom dies or there's blood in the streets.

May god have mercy on our souls.

ANA Y3 D160

"She gave me a home, so I gave her a family."

No truer words have been spoken. Yesterday was C's first Sunday off in a long time and we spent it as a family. We did stuff around the house, we played outside, we went on a walk. It was a good day. I made lamb for dinner, we watched tv. I thoroughly enjoyed the day.

ANA Y3 D159

Had my hair done, dealt with shit around the house, made tuna for dinner, watched tv, went to bed.

ANA Y3 D158

Not much to report. Taught all day. Answered emails. We had noodles for dinner. Took dog on walk. Did find the housekey at least. So I am going to use the new door thing on the backdoor so we always have a backup now. Watched a movie, Mr Crockett. Not bad. Went to bed. 

Hair appointment today. They messed with C's schedule more. She works today but has tomorrow off. Okay. I will take it. One day we can sleep in for once.

ANA Y3 D157

Last night was fucked up. At about 8:30 we decided to take the dog for a walk because she was bouncing off the walls. I wore pants without pockets like an idiot. On the way home from our walk, the dog went into zoomie mode, knocked me down, and sent the house key flying from my jacket pocket. We then had to break into the house, destroying a kitchen screen in the process. At 11pm last night I was ordering a new deadbolt for the front door. It will be here between 7 & 11am. Just how I want to spend my Friday night. Good times. I also fucked up my leg in the process. We had four kids, in a car no less, and that was it for Halloween. Welcome to fucking November.