Y13 D219

Farewell 2021. Wow. I don't really know what else to say about that. It feels like it was just 2000. Hell it feels like it was just 1995. Just balls. It's all such a blur. It really doesn't mean anything any more. Just have to take it day by day. The passing of the year is just some arbitrary time marker.

Yesterday was a better day for B. They got out of bed, they functioned. Her cousin came over around 7 and they stayed up talking until 2am. Good. She needed that. Me, I went to bed at 11 but heard them wrap up. 

Making curry for dinner tonight. That's my big NYE plans. Remember when I used to do things? Me neither.

Y13 D218

YesterDAY was good. YesterNIGHT not so much. During the day I cleaned out the fridge, cleaned the kitchen, hung two shelves, played animal crossing, put my new Legos away, cleaned the cat room, did dishes, took out all the garbage, ordered a new filter for the fridge, starting prepping to put Xmas away, and basically did a shit ton of chores. Felt very productive. Then I had to deal with B.

This is getting bad people. Like real bad. She had a complete and utter breakdown last night and once again I had to hide and lock all the meds in my office. I refused to leave her side for like six hours and kept waking up every hour to make sure she was still in bed and not doing something stupid. 

The issue is with one of her best friends, who also happens to be her dealer. He is flat out refusing to get vaccinated because he just doesn't want to. That's it. Laziness and stupidity. No other reason. This is killing B. See, this friend is already a health risk. He is severely overweight with lung and heart problems. He should be on a CPAP when he sleeps. If he gets COVID, odds are he is not making it. B's brain takes that and runs. Complete and utter breakdown last night. I am mentally and emotionally exhausted from all this. Her fucking doctor is still on maternity leave and I won't put her through the pain of being checked in somewhere because the American health plan is drugs drugs drugs. Not what is needed. What's needed is for the 38% of Americans who are still walking around like nothing is happening to grow the fuck up. What's needed is for this country to be shut down and not be slaves to CEOs who have manipulated the CDC to their will. You think you have a "labor shortage" now? Wait until another million die. 

I am so done.

Y13 D217

Yesterday was a bad day for B. Some major back sliding. A lot of the stuff I was feeling six to nine months ago hit them hard yesterday. I think it was triggered by the new CDC bullshit that came down yesterday. 5 day quarantine crap. The CEO of Delta out there saying fuck it people can come to work sick and they don't need masks on planes. Mandates being ignored, fought, and downright refused. Shit like that just hit B. Then in the evening they found out their step mother, the one with a seriously compromised immune system, got the covid. How? Having to go to work around unmasked selfish bastards. I found out my niece also got it but I sure as hell wasn't going to tell B in her current mental state. That would have just broken her further. This really is a situation where profit is being put before humanity. In so many ways. From patents not being shared with foreign countries to CEOs pushing people back into offices when they should be isolated. South Park got it right people. We're never getting out of this. Oh and now a new strain of bird flu is emerging. As a species, we're just fucked, aren't we?

I did some self care yesterday. Then I embarked on a six hour project. I put one of my Xmas gifts together:

They have a light kit for it which I might add next. Overall I enjoyed putting this together. Distracted me from the world for a good while.

I also moved and am rescanning my plex library. That will take until the end of the week unfortunately. It's just scanning away the best it can right now. 

Nothing on the agenda for today. Hopefully B will be feeling a little better. Five more days until I have to go back to the grind. At least I don't have to leave this room.

Y13 D216

Second day in a row I slept passed 7am. I'm on a roll. Not gonna lie, it's kind of nice. It also helps that the sky is dark and there's no light coming into the bedroom. Still very gloomy out. It stopped snowing early in the day but it left a good 2-3 inches on the ground. Enough to be annoying. It was down to ice by midday. Supposed to start in again this afternoon. Luckily I have nowhere to be today. 

I only went out once yesterday and that was to the fancy grocery store. Got some stuff we've been craving that is only sold there. That was it though. I did slide a little bit coming back into the neighborhood where the snow plows hadn't made it yet. Switched my truck to 4 auto for the first time. 

We spent over 4 hours watching movies. We watched Matrix IV the other day and B wanted to watch the original trilogy + animatrix to really understand the story. Fair. We have spent the last couple of days doing just that. Yesterday we watched Revolutions and re-watched Resurrections. The last one made more sense to B after being fully caught up and fresh in their mind. But man oh man, there's four hours of my life. Plus breaks for bathroom and food, so really five hours of my day. I can't do that the same way B can. I was getting antsy. But they're happy and that's all that matters.

Unrelated to anything, I want to say my peace about something. I have been reading a lot of posts, articles, memes, etc all talking about how frustrated people are with having to go back into an office. They make jokes like "well Brian can't function without his daily control" and they don't realize just how close to the truth they are with comments like that. You know why companies are making you go back to the office? Middle management. Plain and simple. Middle managers serve no purpose other than keeping the flock under observation. That's it man. Sorry to break it to you. You're right, Brian in Project Management has no other purpose than to be a shepherd. So yeah, to protect their jobs, it's middle management sowing the seeds of "we have to watch them; they're not working; they're time stealing!" nonsense to old white people in charge who don't understand remote work in the first place. Why has my company never needed to have an office or daily let me watch you work meetings? Because we don't fear stupid shit like time theft nor do we have useless middle management. We don't have people whose only job is to be a warden. We don't give people power without real responsibility. Hence, no need to any of that bullshit. I feel for anyone going back into an office. Productivity will crash, resignations will increase, management will scratch their heads, and it all could have been avoided by firing useless layers of managers. My two cents. Take it or leave it.

Going to do some self care today. Manicure. Face mask. That kind of day.

Y13 D215

Yay! I slept in!! Go me! Plus, it was nice and dry outside when I went to bed so B and I made plans to go to the fancy bread store this morning but oh look, the sky opened up while we were asleep and dumped the snow. No wonder I slept. It be dark outside and there be dragons! We were going to get one thing so it's not a huge priority and I would rather wait until the snow has stopped personally. Don't need to risk our lives for one small item. 

Yesterday was okay. As you know I was up early to get that thing for B. Didn't happen. I kept refreshing the site for two hours. Finally gave up and went to the grocery store and got my truck washed. In that small window they fixed the site and the item sold out. Oh well. I tried. Came home, put away the groceries and went out to the pet store for cat food. By the time I came back B was waking up and we had a nice movie watching day together. We are spending this week eating leftovers because heaven knows we have plenty of them right now. After dinner we relaxed on the couch and played some video games. Went to bed around 10pm.

I am going to enjoy this week even if it kills me. I have three projects left on my list, one of which I am going to work on this morning. Otherwise, no huge commitments lurking for me until next Monday.

Y13 D214

I'm awake, I'm awake. Why? Because B wants something that goes on sale in six minutes. It goes on sale at 3am EST/ midnight PST and yes, I am that kind of person who got up and has another window open, refreshing it constantly to get this item. Will I get it? I don't know. It's a bag from Lego in mini-fig yellow. It is expected to sell out immediately. We shall see. Wish me luck.

We had an awesome Christmas. Presents were opened, laughs were had, joy was spread. I made waffles for breakfast. One dark cloud - the printer I got us for Christmas is defective. I have to package it up and send it back to Best Buy. That part sucks. Looks like the print heads are defective. Son of a bitch. Now I have to restart the whole looking for a new printer process. Of course I also have to wait for the damn return to process. Joy. Luckily I didn't throw away the packaging material yet. 

Hold on, refreshing other window...

DAMMIT site won't let me add to cart. There were no pre-sale. It's site fuck up. Motherfucker. Going to keep refreshing and typing.

We had our requisite chinese food for dinner followed by some movie watching. We also did feeds and tank stuff.

All in all our decision to avoid family gatherings was worth it and gave both of us less anxiety which worked for me. 

Still no add to cart. I'm going back to bed. 

Y13 D213

MERRY CHRISTMAS BITCHES!

It's that wonderful day once again! I have to wait 3.5 hours until present time but that's okay. It's worth it. I can have the patience.

Yesterday we didn't do much. B didn't get up until 2 so I had the morning to myself. Did laundry, paid bills, played some video games. When B got up we made popcorn and settled in for watching new Matrix. I FUCKING LOVED IT. One of the best movies I have ever watched. They took something familiar and managed to tell a whole new story. I laughed, I cried, I was on the edge of my seat. I will give no spoilers, but do yourself the favor and watch it. It helps if you have recently watched the other three to feel more at home, but at the very least, re-watch the first. There are references to 2 and 3, which will help you identify certain characters. But overall, what a damn good movie.

After the movie we went to the grocery store for some sides for our Xmas Eve feast. Diet be damned! We had potatoes and cinnamon apples and mac and cheese and a big ol' ham. Twas tasty! Our friend has taken to spending Christmas eve with us as her family sucks ass so the three of us feasted then settled in to watch the traditional Christmas shows.

I made it to 11:30 before going to bed. And now, it's here with all it's cheer! Get your tartookas and blumbloopas and make some noise! Christmas has arrived!

Welcome Christmas, bring your cheer.
Cheer to all Whos far and near.
Christmas Day is in our grasp
So long as we have hands to clasp.
Christmas Day will always be
Just as long as we have we
Welcome Christmas while we stand
Heart to heart and hand in hand.

Side note - 2022 should be better, the Swedish goats finally burned.

Y13 D212

Oh look, I was up early again. Been up for a while but it's a payday, which means Christmas Eve or not, bills to be paid, obligations to be handled, etc, etc. The crushing, spinning wheels of capitalism and oppression stop not for the holidays. I somehow have been watching a bunch of ex-pat videos on TikTok and there are so many things we get wrong in this country. The amount of propaganda we consume about how great we are when in comparison we are awful is immense. Everything here is just driven by money and greed. So much that we don't even see it anymore. It's become such an integral part of our existence. It's horrible. We call it the American Dream when it really is just a nightmare. Rant over. We now return you to your regularly scheduled nonsense.

Did little yesterday. We did leave the house to go pick up B's prescription. But that was about it. I try to avoid leaving the house yesterday through tomorrow. We went to a pharmacy that also has some gift items like candles and soaps, and the number of dumb ass old white men still looking for gifts was astounding. Speaking of dumb ass white men, our friend came over last night and made B go to the store with him because HE didn't buy anything yet for his sister, his mother, his grandmother, aka NO ONE. I refused to go with them. When they got back all I heard about was how horrible the lines were at Target/Home Goods/Five Below. You think?? B needed to go with him because she has one job at Xmas - fill the stockings. I wasn't going to hound her about it given everything that's been going on and was ready to accept empty stockings this year, but since B is feeling better, they said they would handle it and suffer the consequences of leaving it until the end. Okay. All you babe. If you do, great, if not, no big deal. They came back with some items and while the stockings won't be full, they won't be empty either and that's a win right now.

As for me, I watched tv, played video games, and helped B's dad fix a faucet in our back bathroom. We took it off the wall, disassembled it, refitted everything, and put it all back together. There was a leak coming from somewhere and we were hoping to not have to replace it. We did it! No leak when we put it all back and I learned something new. Score!

We had Happy's BBQ for dinner as neither of us felt like cooking. Tonight is ham that I have been defrosting for three days. AND THEN TOMORROW IS PRESENTS DAY! I mean JESUS' BIRTHDAY! I mean SATURNALIA! Whatever. Just give me my shit under the tree please.

Y13 D211

More insanely vivid dreams! In this one, Pearl Jam had finally been rescheduled and I had tickets for seats 4a and 4b. But for whatever reason I was on some VIP list so they gave me all this swag when I got in like a Pearl Jam clock. Yes, a clock. I don't know what's up with that. I woke up from that dream at like 1am wide awake and refreshed. I managed to fall back to sleep until 4. Oh well. 4 it is. 

In the morning we went over to B's grandparent's because her sisters were there. Plus we had the fun task of telling them that we will not be coming over on Friday. We refuse to be around unvaxxed people and there will be at least 2 there that we know of. There's no reason for us to be in that small of a space with 20+ people right now. Nope. Unfortunately that news didn't go down to well with B's grandma. She's used to getting her way and one of the reasons she both likes and dislikes me is that I stick up for myself and don't roll over. B started to but I was firm. No, no, no. We had them open their Xmas gift from us which went over meh because she was still being petty about us not coming. Suck it old lady.

Went back home and B went off to her vax appointment. I was starting to feel woozy again and ended up taking a nap. When B got back, THEY ended up taking a six hour nap. In other words, they went to bed at 3pm. C'est la vie. Had a quick dinner, played some video games. I did not watch Matrix yet so please no spoilers. I want to watch it with B. Hopefully that will be tonight. I have therapy this morning and group tonight, but otherwise, nothing on the calendar.

Y13 D210

I slept solid with vivid dream again last night, sort of. When I was asleep I was doing fine sort of. But I woke up many times. 3:20, 3:52, 5:11, 6:20. Each time I slept it was good sleep at least. The in between problems include severe achiness, sever itching, and a sinus headache from the heater. The other two issues are due to my tattoos and my flu-booster. Today the saniderm comes off and I can finally clean these bad boys because they are itching like crazy. Especially the ankle. But today they get washed and cleaned. As for the other, I got both my flu shot and my booster in one sitting yesterday. I absolutely do not regret doing them both at once, but I am sore in the arm from the booster and achy all over from the flu shot. At the same time, my covid antibodies are now 11x times what they were. I got the Moderna booster. 

Yesterday I got up, went to the grocery store at 6am, came back, put everything away, got a couple of steaks for dinner. Got a bunch of misc. stuff we needed. Waited for my appointment. Went over at 9:30, waited until about 9:50. Not horrible, but a wait. Got it done, wandered the store for 15 minutes, went home. All was good until about 2 when I started feeling a bit sluggish. Took a nap, made us dinner when I woke up. We hung out together downstairs until about 10 and I went to bed.

B is doing a LOT better. We got blood results back yesterday. Normal estrogen levels depending on time of month range from 54 - 400 averaging 100-150 parts per whatever. B's? 19. Ya THINK SOMETHING IS WRONG?? 19. In two days there has been a marked improvement now that they're back on the right stuff. Amazing how that works. Sigh.

Going to B's grandparents this morning to tell them face to face we aren't coming for Xmas because too many unvaxxed people will be there. That's gonna be fun. Then B goes in for their shots at 1pm. Let's see how they do LOL

Me, I'm gonna work on some of my projects like the train set, clothes in the closet, and move Plex. Whee!

Y13 D209

I slept like a fucking rock last night. Had very clear, interesting dreams. One of them was like a weird game of tag where I won. The other, I lost a bolt off a motorcycle front wheel while fixing something and watched it bounce down a cliff. Neither dream was bad just very vivid. Vivid enough that I can clearly remember them now. I like when that happens.

So my first real day "off" was not what I hoped. I am actually NOT counting it as PTO because I ended up answering more emails than I did in all of last week. Sorry kids, but if I spend more than 2 hours in emails, that's a work day in my mind. B had a rough morning but it got better. She was supposed to go get her flu shot and booster yesterday (which I am doing today at 10am) and it was not smooth going. First, she forgot her vax card and had to come back. Then she gets back there and they tell her the appointment is for next Monday. Let me tell you, that was not pretty when she got back. This is what I have been talking about when I say one little thing triggers the whole problem. She ended up just giving up and going back to bed.

Meanwhile, I cleaned the cat room, again. Did some reorganization in there, answered emails, and then woke her up to go to the doctor at 2. The doctor was able to make things better. He listened and is making changes to meds. We left with enough samples to stem the tide and by 10pm last night, there was a marked improvement in her mental state. Thank god. We shall see how today is and this is truly a ODAAT type of situation. I am hoping for a positive outcome. 

This morning I am going to the grocery store, then prepping for my shot. I am not opening email today at all. I swear. 

Less then 100 hours until Christmas!

Y13 D208

I am home. It took many, many hours to accomplish, but here I am. I sat at that airport in SF until 3:45 when security finally opened, boarded my first flight at 5:30, arrived in Chicago at 11:45, had a delay, left at 3, and landed in Detroit at 5:45. Car brought me home and I was in the house by 6:30pm. Long day for sure. Nothing exciting or eventful happened during the day, just long.

B had Qdoba waiting for us. I ate, unpacked, helped with feeds, did laundry, cleaned up in the cat room, and collapsed in bed at 10pm. I slept for 9 hours. Much needed sleep.

Today starts day one of my official vacation. I am answering no emails. I have to take B to the doctor at 2:30pm, am finishing up laundry, and starting in on MY to do list. First up is some reorganizing in my office.

Y13 D207

At the airport. I missed getting through security by 10 minutes. Why so early? They changed the terminals here and i am being paranoid. No other reason. At least I am here and now just gave to wait until 3:45 when they open back up. Is what it is. My flight boards at 4:50am and I am at gate 26 which is going to be a good 10-15 minute walk in this new terminal. Hence, why I wanted to be here at the butt-crack of dawn. I had hoped to get past security but alas, not to be.

Yesterday was up and down. I went to Sacramento to see the kid and had a great time hanging out with her. We caught up on everything, had Joe's Crab Shack for lunch, did a little shopping, and spent about 4-5 hours together. Took me about 90 minutes to get there in the morning and I didn't wait too long for her. However, while I was there B called me having another fucking breakdown and this time threatening she was going to take all the pills again. FUCK ME. I had to make some quick phone calls, get someone over there, and make sure they could spend the night. They locked all the meds in the house in my office and hid the key as well. That was fun. Depending on delays, I get home around 6:30 tonight which means they only have to be alone and unsupervised for about 5-6 hours today. A scary amount of time but also manageable. I can't keep doing this. I really didn't relax this whole trip. I was constantly worried and had to be on phone duty the whole time. Having to call her friends constantly is getting tiresome. They are going to have lives and won't always be able to drop everything. We need this issue resolved. We're going to the doctor tomorrow at 2pm and this fucker better take care of things. I can't take much more of this. It's good I am home for the next two weeks with no real obligations, but I also have things I want to do. Thursday I have my therapy session and will be discussing this with her in depth.

After getting everything squared away at home, I headed back. 3 hours. Yep. The same trip that took 90 minutes, took three fucking hours. I was trying to see about getting on a flight last night but by the time I got back to the hotel and got stuff packed, I wouldn't have made it anyway and I would have been here even longer. So I packed all my stuff, got 4 hours of sleep and here we are. 14 hours until I get home. Three airports, two flights. I can do this.

Y13 D206

Yesterday was kind of rough. Not so much for me but for B. She tried talking to her doctor's office about changing meds, again, and the doctor was like oh I want to do some bloodwork first. THEN the bitch had the nerve to say "how does jan 14th look". WTF? A MONTH FROM NOW?? Are you fucking kidding me?? My wife can't get out of bed because of this shit, her heat is radiating from her and melting the cats, and you want her to wait a month for an appointment, a week for results, and two more weeks for things to kick in? My dude, no. After bawling on the phone with the doctor's office, she got in on Monday for an emergency appointment. Now I am going with her and I am going to bitch slap this doctor to get her on the right combo of drugs. Secondarily, she lost another family member to COVID and it's been triggering her because she has a half dozen friends who are straight up too lazy to go get vaxxed. She has had it with them and is about to kick them out of her life which would be emotionally devasting. So yeah, I was trying to have lunch with my buddy who is going through his own shit including a dementia riddled mother in law who is shitting in her own hands, while trying to get someone to babysit my wife because she is bawling her head off at me on the phone. There was a large block of time yesterday that sucked all oy energy completely out. 

"All the world's weight is on my back and I don't even know why"

That is how yesterday felt in a nutshell. I was so exhausted I ended up doing DoorDash for dinner and ate some pretty decent japanese food in my room. Food was good for sure. Just sitting in the room bummed me out but I didn't have the energy left to deal with driving anywhere. That was my day.

Today I am driving two hours to meet the kid. Hopefully it will be a relaxing day. Leaving in a couple of hours.

Y13 D205

Long day yesterday but very rewarding. My company meeting went well. We set some new directions for 2022 that will have me doing a variety of things versus just sitting in the dark talking. Now I get to sit in the dark and talk to more people. Seriously though, it will expand what I do, add more skills to my resume, and give me more input into the business. I can handle that. We came up with some first quarter projects which will actually be exciting and keep my brain occupied. I didn't enjoy sitting in a room for 5 hours and for the first time notcied how much I can't sit still any more. I found myself pacing the room, just standing every so often, etc. That was interesting to me. My boss brought wine, chocolate, and cheese for me as a Christmas present. I accepted the chocolate and cheese. No wine for me thanks. Mostly because I didn't want to deal with bringing it on the plane. I appreciated the gesture, just wrong time and place. There were 5 of us in the room and 2 on the phone remote. We covered a lot of areas, I got to voice some of the things that I felt we've been doing poorly on, and we discussed how to improve on these things. All in all, a productive time.

From there I went to my artist's house. We were supposed to start at 2. Yeah right. This is what drives me nuts about people who are artists. Very talented in what they can do, horrible at time management skills. She even had booked a 5pm after me and when she told me that I just laughed. I said to her we won't finish until 7. At 6:59pm she wrapped me up. Do not doubt MY time management skills. I know exactly how long these kinds of things will take. We did touch up on my left leg first, then worked on my ankle. Some advice: never get an ankle tattoo. Ow. Ow. Ow. That shit hurts. A lot. I looks amazing but, ow. Finished up, headed back to the hotel. I bought a salad at the store on Wednesday in prep that I wouldn't feel up to going anywhere for dinner. That paid off. I sat in my room, ate my salad, caught up on emails, and went to bed.

Today plans changed and I am now having lunch with my friend. Oh well. It is what it is. At least I get to see him. I think there's some home strife he doesn't want to drag me into and I can respect that. I will find out at lunch. The downside is now I have something to do for like an hour today and that's it. The rest of the day is open. Oh well. Tomorrow is kid day and that will be fun.

Okay, only 4.5 hours to kill until I have to leave. Whee.

Y13 D204

I haven't had to work on a laptop in a while and these keys are driving me a bit crazy. I was trying to playing a game last night and kept hitting the wrong key because my finger was always one above where it was supposed to be. Forgive any typos today okay people?

Plus the internet here is less than optimal so hopefully this will even publish. Ah, travel, how I have missed you.

Long day. Quick flight to Charlotte, about 2 hours in the air. Did not like NC. No masks being work anywhere in the airport by the entitled old white people. Of course they were all on my flight. FIVE wheelchairs. The average age up front not counting me was 106. Seriously. And they talked. And talked. And talked. For five hours. It was a long flight. Got to SFO and they have redone the terminals. What used to be a five minute walk to the air tram took thirty. WTF? Finally got to my car, hit the grocery store, got to the hotel. Went to dinner around 5. Went to a favorite mexican place and had food I haven't been able to have in a long time. REAL Mexican food. Not some bullshit white people food. REAL food. Man it was good. Came back to hotel, confirmed all my details for tomorrow, played some games, went to bed around 9 because time travel.

Yes, I was up at 3:45am here today because again, time travel. I have to go all of a quarter mile to our offices today for my meeting. Then at 2pm, I got for ink. Should finish up my 6 or 7. Dinner, bed. Tomorrow no plans in the day other than Jollibee. Then heading over to the beach to see friends.

You know, a relaxing get away. Ha.

Y13 D203

IT IS GO TIME!! ONE HOUR UNTIL I LEAVE!! WOO!

Did nothing yesterday. Had a hair appointment, finalized packing, helped B reorganize the fridge and plan for meals this week, got groceries in the morning. Like I said, nothing.

Went to bed around 8, got 5 hours of sleep. Good to go. Yeah. Go from here to NC then SFO. 2 hr, 2 hr layover, 5.5 hour. Get there at 1pm PST. Man I am looking forward to this trip more than I can share. 

Y13 D202

In less than 24 hours I will be on my way to the airport to get the fuck out of this house for five days. I did it. I made it. I have never been more excited to go ANYWHERE than I am right now. Fuck these cats, fuck these axies, I AM DONE WITH BEING HERE. 22.5 hours. That's it. I can sleep for 6 of those so 16.5 hours awake. So goddamn close. I have my out of office set to kick in at 3pm today. 

My class was good yesterday. I got to end the year with a good group. They were attentive, they got the material, they asked good questions. A good way to end the year. We finished around 5pm, I made dinner, watched TV, finalized packing, went to bed. Uneventful.

Today I have groceries, documents, hair appointment. Then bed. Then gone. Gone. Gone.

Y13 D201

THIS IS IT! THE LAST CLASS OF THE YEAR TODAY! WOOO! At about 5pm today I will not have to talk to another student until Jan 5th. Ironically, on that day I will be teaching the same group I am teaching today. At least I will start the year off with a group I know. 

Didn't do anything yesterday as planned. Played some video games, had leftovers for dinner. Honestly, I can't remember what else I did. I didn't leave the house. Hmm. Present came from the kid, I wrapped that up. Straightened up a bit. Nope. Not much else going on. Not complaining, just trying to remember. Oh well. My back is hurting a little bit this morning. I need to soak it tonight in the tub. Some epsom salts should help. I cannot get on a plane Wednesday with back pain. I have long flights and can't handle that.

Okay. Nothing is coming back to my memory so we will call that yesterday and move on. 

Y13 D200

Yesterday was a good day. You know how nice it is to say that? There was a lot of self care going on yesterday plus just a slower paced amount of movement. You can also see, I managed to sleep in significantly this morning. So there.

The morning started out with me going to the lash place and for the first time in 20+ months, having my lashes tinted and lifted. They look so wonderful and it makes me happy. I used to go right down the street and could get there in like 3 minutes but my tech moved and changed shops. Same company, different location. It's about 30 minutes away now and worth the drive. She is the best. This got proven yesterday during my appointment. There was a high wind advisory in effect yesterday morning and I could feel it pushing even on my truck while driving to the salon. We were both very excited to see each other as it's been so long. Happiness all around. She starts putting the solution on my eyes and the power goes out. Yep. But you can't stop really once you've started this process. She then proceeds to finish my lashes in the dark with me holding her phone flashlight above my eyes. What an experience. We got to talk and catch up all in the dark. 

I was gone from about 10-1 for my appointment and them me, B, and our friend went to the thrift store. I got a new sweatshirt for $9 which made me happy. Came back home, relaxed, and B made peppers for dinner. We played some video games together and then for the first time post surgery, we had some us time. Yeah. Woo! THAT was really enjoyable let me tell you what. After we played more video games and went to bed around 1.

Like I said, it was a good day.

Nothing planned for today. Getting as packed as I can ready to go on Wednesday. It's in my sights finally. Almost there. Stay on target.

Y13 D199

I've been up for a little while. I was planning on sleeping in a bit but you know how it is when you're all nice and asleep and then your wife yells something at the top of their lungs in their sleep. Good times. So yeah, I'm awake now. Thanks. Been putzing around though and not moving too quickly. I have to leave here at 10 for my appointment so not rushing. 

Let's see, what did I do yesterday...

- bills

- bills

- bills

- groceries

- therapy

- document work

- made dinner 

- passed out

Yep. There it is in nice easy to consume bullet format. My life can be reduced down to a simple list. Good work. Nothing left to see here.

Y13 D198

One of the best changes in computing was the introduction of dark mode as a default setting in applications. Man I hate looking at a bright screen at 4:30 in the morning. Give me dark mode any day. Anyway...

Taught my second to last class of the year yesterday. Ended up being a small group because as I always say, people start falling off this time of year. Projects needing to be finished by year's end, people having shit to do, whatever the reason, training takes a side for most people. They want to spend their money, yes, but they don't really want their employees unavailable. You know, logic. As long as I get paid, I don't give a shit.

Class went until 5:30, got ready, went to group. Good group this week. One new member. This week's topic was mindfulness. I don't know if I agree with some of what was discussed as my brain is not wired in a way to handle quiet like others do, but it was interesting to discuss. 

My monthly stipend for expenses got approved. Technically not a raise, but whatever. I get more money monthly and that's all that matters. Just entered my first one. Let's see how long it takes to get transferred.

Therapy today. Bills today. Groceries. Guest for dinner. B's friend so not a big deal but other human in my house. Then I have some stuff to do on the weekend, then one last class on Monday and I am done for the fucking year.

Y13 D197

Had some really weird dreams last night. In one of them I was taking a college intro to computing class and it was the final. The prof and I both knew I didn't need to be in the class but it was mandatory. But for some reason I didn't finish the final in time. Sounds like the story of my life doesn't it? I know I know all this but I don't finish it in time. Interesting.

Taught all day. Made dinner. Played video games. Went to bed. Same shit different day. Less than one week until I get out of town. I need to go. I have a bad sinus pressure headache this morning. It needs to go away before I have to teach the same shit I taught yesterday but to a different group. Mind numbing. My life.

Y13 D196

Got my doc done yesterday. Feedback so far has been good. It was a four page detailed discussion point document for next week. I am sure not everyone will want to talk about some of these topics but shit needs to be said and discussed as a group. Otherwise, we will not survive another year as a team or a company. This is my biggest fear. I will have to find a new job because the company just doesn't have the money to keep going. It's rough for people like us right now. We've seen at least two competitors fold in the last 2 years. Don't want us to be next.

Made pork chops for dinner. Watched some tv. Did a little laundry. I need to pack at some point. I will probably pack on Sunday. Close enough to leaving, but not so far out I am digging things out to use before I go. I have to text my driver to make sure we're still good. This time next week I will be in the air getting the fuck out of Dodge. Much excite.

Today is session two with Monday's group. If things go the same I should finish around 5:30 again. Taking lamb out for dinner. Just making it through. I don't get to sleep in until Sunday sadly. Tomorrow is another class, Friday is groceries, therapy, and possibly a class. Saturday is lash day. Sunday is my only sleep in day for a while. Whee.

Y13 D195

I did something I haven't done in a while this morning. I slept through two alarms. I feel bad whenever that happens because I worry about waking up B. Plus it makes me groggy. But this why I set four alarms six minutes apart. My version of a snooze button. I finally got up on the third one. I didn't stay up late last night, but I guess I just needed the sleep. 

Decent group yesterday. They were not as advanced as they claimed to be once we started digging into things, but they were responsive, attentive, and did their best. I can't ask for more than that. I have three more sessions with this same group - tomorrow, next Monday, and one in Jan, and should have no issues working with them. All good. We finished around 5:30pm exactly though. No leaving early with this group. Oh well.

After class we made chicken bowls for dinner with shredded chicken, cauliflower rice, and broccoli. Turned out quite tasty. After dinner and dishes, played some video games. I must have been tired last night because around 8 I dozed off for 20 minutes with one of the cats on me. They were just snuggled up right and purring so loud I drifted. I wish I could say I am going to sleep in when I am out of town next week, but the truth is, I will be up early all days I am there because of things to do. Next Friday is really the only day I will be able to sleep and odds are, I won't do that. No, it's not until I get back home and have no obligations until Jan that I will get some sleep.

Speaking of cats, we took one into the vet yesterday. Looks like she might have a bladder infection or UTI. She's been peeing out of the box and doctor ran all tests. We will know today what's going on. Wish us the best and that it turns out to be an easy fix.

Today I am doc writing so a light day.

Y13 D194

As planned, didn't do much of anything yesterday. Played video games with B, did tank stuff, ate leftovers for dinner. It was cold and rainy all day and the perfect day to hide in the house. We had no obligations so this wasn't an issue. We really didn't do much. Oh, I did a load of laundry. 

Almost done for the year. Three classes this week, one next week that are official. But really next week it's just Monday. Tuesday is open, then I leave on Wednesday. OH! I just remembered something. I had a dream I was traveling and forgot to check in for my flight. I had to get to the counter. That's it. I also had a dream I was at a movie theater drinking margaritas which is weird as I hate tequila. 

Time to prep for today's group. New group. They are today, Wednesday, and next Monday. Let's see what they're like.

Y13 D193

Two days in a row I slept in!! Woo! It's a Christmas miracle it tis! Of course I stayed up until almost 1am last night just watching TV with B so it's not like I slept any longer, just later. Regardless, it's nice to not feel rushed. 

Ran a couple of errands yesterday morning. Did laundry. Played video games. Made steaks. Watched TV. A nice drama free Saturday. Felt good. No big issues to discuss or report. Just daily life without any real problem. I like days like that.

Let's hope for a repeat today please.

Y13 D192

Look at me sleeping in until after 7am.Go me.

Yesterday started okay but quickly devolved. I went to three damn grocery store in order to get everything off the list and that just drove me nuts. Too many places in too short a period made me cranky and angry. Which then took my head into a bad place. By the time my therapy appointment started I was knee deep in Tool ready to either kill a bitch or drive into traffic. One or the other was on the verge of going down. Luckily I was able to use my hour to get it all off my chest and walked out feeling much better. I then decided unless I wanted to go back down the path with the dark passenger (yes, I have been re-watching Dexter so I can watch New Blood), I needed a break. I took a mental health day for myself. Much enjoyment was had. I took a nap, worked on a couple of small projects, cooked a game hen, watched the Matrix because why not, did feeds, and basically had a me day. Long overdue if you ask me. I am less than two weeks until my trip, have a full week of training coming up next week, and just needed the break. I am feeling much better as a result.

Couple of errands planned for this morning, otherwise, nothing major for this weekend.

Y13 D191

Up and moving. Grocery store this morning. Therapy after that. Gotta move gotta go. Things to do. Feel like the white rabbit. Always late, always behind. Always losing things. 

Worked on docs. Gave a webinar. Went to group. Blending together. What day is it? What year is it? I don't know any more. Two weeks until I go away. Check in with my tattoo girl. All is good. Just got to make it through one more week. Hold on. Can I hold on a little longer?

Y13 D190

You ever just forget what day it is? Old people thing? Pandemic thing still? Or just overworked and confused? Regardless, I struggled yesterday with remembering what day it was and what I had to do. This is when it's easier when I teach. I know what I am doing something, when I am doing it, and when I am done. Otherwise I get very messed up and can't figure out what time it is or day. Especially when the sky outside doesn't make it clear. Is it 9am, noon, or midnight? I don't know because they all look the fucking same. Whee. 

Did some doc work and had a meeting for our onsite next month. That actually went well. I managed to secure a new title for 2022 (my choice). I also will get a $500 a month expense reimbursement. Not the raise I was after, but less money out of my pocket which helps. That's $500 that can go towards other things. I have to submit an invoice every month for "business expenses" but will get a straight deposit. This includes a percent of my mortgage, truck payment, internet, groceries, etc. Anything I would be spending or using if we had an actual office. I can handle that. 

Made joe's special for dinner. Played video games with B. Had rough sleep. I woke up this morning right in the middle of a rem cycle which sucked. I was in the middle of a weird ass dream. Oh well. It is gone now to the nether. Just like the rest of my brain.

Only two outstanding Christmas presents. One for B, one for the kid's BF. The latter will arrive friday, the former should arrive Saturday. If so, I will be done. I am two weeks from my road trip. Let's hope the covid greek alphabet calms the fuck down in the next two weeks.

Y13 D189

Wow, two days in a row I had decent groups. Amazing. Part of the reason yesterday was good was because it's a group I had taught in the past. They knew what to expect, I knew who would be responsive, all good. We went until about 6, and called it a day. No stress no issues. Ate leftovers for dinner because I didn't feel like cooking a whole meal late. I did go out after class. Went to the vape shop to see if they carried something B wanted. They didn't have it in stock but since they know me the owner said he would try to order it. Then I popped in to Ulta for something I wanted. It wasn't much of an outside trip, but it was better than nothing. The snow is melting which is good. Over the next week we should get some showers but nothing huge is predicted. I am mostly worried about delays in my flights in two weeks. I leave two weeks from today. Just let me get out of town weather gods. It's all I ask.

Y13 D188

Had a decent group yesterday. I finally get a good group of people and I'm only with them a half day. I think I said the same thing when I did a half day last week to the same company. Story of my life. Today I have a full day with a different group, let's hope they're half as engaged as yesterday's. Did some other catch up work but pretty much wrapped up around 3. Played some video games, made dinner, and worked on one of those diamond image things. You know the things with little plastic dots you fill in the image like a color by numbers. I've always wanted to try one and B has done them before so they helped me out. That was about it for the day. Few more Xmas present coming today, teach, and go to bed. I hear snow trucks outside. It did snow more overnight. Not a huge amount but enough that it might delay my mail or packages. They get very bitchy when it snows even a little bit. Well, USPS and UPS do. Amazon just trudges through it. Good or bad, they deliver. I think that's everything right now. 5 hours until class starts. Whee.

Y13 D187

Another week begins.

Thanks to the snow we didn't go anywhere yesterday. Even though our snow guy did come and plow at some point. When I looked out the window yesterday we were the only driveway and walkway cleared. Suck it people. This is why I pay. I already said that yesterday, didn't I? This is what my life consists of so sorry if I am duplicating shit. I get very confused. 

Tackled a big project yesterday. I completely cleaned the cat litter area. Like took out everything, ripped up the old pee smelling tiles, cleaned the floor with bleach and cat smelly stuff. Of course it did nothing and the fucking cat still peed on the floor. Fucker. She goes to the doctor next week and they better find something wrong or this cat is going to get it. I am tired of dealing with this every morning.

Made chicken and veggies for dinner. Played video games together. Went to bed. Class this morning.

Y13 D186

And this my friends is why I pay to have my yard take care of in the winter. Yesterday morning it started snowing at around 9am and never stopped. There is a good 6-8" of snow outside and guess whose driveway and walkway are already cleared? Mine bitches. I have no idea when he came, but it's done. It's nice to wake up to being the only one on the block where the shit is already cleaned. Worth every penny for sure. Just finished putting up the storm door and putting away the screen. That will help keep things warm in here. I just checked the forecast and we will get a little more snow today and tomorrow but that will be it for the week. Should melt off by Friday.

Yesterday I went to the grocery store, cleaned the house, rewired all the consoles in the basement to be hooked up to the tv versus the projector, had a friend come over for dinner, chilled out, played video games, went to bed. It's Steam sale time and I got five or six "new" games. Marvel's Avengers, Biomutant, Valheim, Hired Gun, and some older random stuff. That will keep me busy for a while I hope. 

Nothing planned for today other than the shit I've already taken care of upstairs. Need to replace the tape and glue on my head. That's it for plans. I have three days of teaching next week. Two 10:30-6:30 days, and one day with a webinar. Otherwise it should be a fairly uneventful week. Some Christmas presents still set to arrive. I did some more shopping yesterday. Gifts for a friend and gifts for the kid. I am done as far as I am concerned. Just need everything to arrive in time.

Y13 D185

Christmas is all set up. Tree is up. Decorations are up. A number of presents are wrapped and under said tree. That took a good chunk of my day yesterday. But it was worth it.

Watched the new Dune last night. Wow. Very well done. Do I miss the cheesiness of Lynch's version? Sure, but wow was this one just much closer to the books, extremely well acted, and just a good movie overall. Even someone who has no idea what "the sleeper has awoken" means could jump in and enjoy this series. Dune has become accessible to the masses. 

Going to the grocery store. Paid bills yesterday and have no money left, but hey, we need food.

Y13 D184

It's Friday. It's payday so it's bill day. Whee. At least it's a damn day off. Small comfort.

We went to B's grandparent's house. God what a joy that was. "Come over at 2 for dinner!". 2?? That's not fucking dinner people. Oh it's not ready yet. Eat at 4. Son of a... Seriously. We sat there for almost 2 hours waiting. We had other shit to do. We had to go to B's cousins for the cats. I was so exhausted by the time we got home at 7 and then we still had to do feeds. Ugh.

You know what I am doing today? Not a goddamn thing thank you very much. Happy friday to me.

Y13 D183

 Finally a day that was how it's supposed to be. You see, yesterday is the day where the company knows that you know that they know that no one is doing jack shit. You do some stuff in the morning, but the afternoon is a nope. Which is exactly how yesterday went down for me. Perfect. I spent the morning working on a marketing presentation and not much else. 

B got a wild hair up her but around 3pm. We ended up moving the TV downstairs into the basement as well as rearranging the couch and other stuff down there. We now look like the kind of people who don't have a tv in their front room. So anti-midwest and I love it. No longer the focal point of the room when you walk in. Instead you will now see just furniture. We're going to try it out for a week and see how we like it. I will demount the projector and use it for outdoors in the summer time. I really wanted to like having a projector but it honestly just turned out to be more work than pleasure. Not to mention, the picture quality on the TV is better (4k versus 1080). It's only 65" which feels small in the area, but if we like being downstairs, we might look at a 75" for the space. Best Buy has one for $750 that would work. 

I went to group and was the only one. There were supposed to be 5 of us, but the one couple had child issues so there's two gone, one had car trouble, and the final just didn't show. Oh well. Me and my therapist did a mini-session since we aren't seeing each other Friday. I told her all about the work meeting. I was glad I didn't have to wait to tell her because I would have forgotten parts. So it worked out in my favor.

Came back and watched Venom 2. It wasn't as bad as people made it out to be. I enjoyed it for what it was. I wish it wasn't PG13 and what the hell was with the end credits scene, but otherwise, enjoyable 90 minutes. 

Today we are going to B's cousin's house to check on their cats, then going to B's grandparents for a social call. Otherwise, it's Christmas 1st and let the decorations begin!

Y13 D182

Well, it finally came to a boil. I had a meeting with my big boss yesterday and got everything off my chest. Felt good to finally unload all the things I have been dealing with on him. I gave him some food for thought about how I have been treated. He in return has promised to make adjustments. Let's see if he holds up his end of the deal. I doubt it, but at least I have done what I could. 

Had that meeting, delivered a webinar, called it a day. Made chicken for dinner. Watched some tv. B got a new book in the Outlander series so I lost her for most of the day. I am pretty sure she has read the whole thing by now. I wish I could enjoy books like that still. I just don't have the motivation any more. 

Working on one thing today and then packing it in for four days. I need a damn break and finally have the permission to take one.

Y13 D181

I finally get an opportunity to go back onsite somewhere and it just isn't worth it. We have a client wanting to do some training in Australia. BUT they were hoping for a local instructor so they won't do T&E and it's only a three day gig. Not worth it. I am not doing another 36 hours of travel to be onsite somewhere for 72 hours. Plus they have no training facility and I would have to do it from the hotel. I can't believe I have to say no to an Aussie trip, but logically it makes the most sense. Oh well. Here's hoping in 2022 I can have more onsite stuff that really works.

Speaking of training, did a UT group yesterday from 10-3. Not horrible. Good group. Some initial issues with the meeting but I managed to not only keep them on track, but gave them bonus material as a way of making things up to them. Everyone was happy.

Made salmon for dinner then did my christmas shopping. B is done. B's grandparents are done. One of B's friends is done. Everything will be here by 12/1 and I won't have anything to worry about. Nice and nice. I have a meeting today followed by an internal webinar. Only a couple more days and I can have a break. Soon my precious, soon.

Y13 D180

 Oh hey, it's the week I was supposed to get a break. What? No? Well fuck me. Sure, let's have me teach more and more because there's no way I will burn out and want to murder someone. Nope. No way at all that's happening.

Did laundry. Did tanks. Played video games. Cleaned up outside. Made steaks. Went to bed. Not much else in between all that. Cleaned the house. Yeah. That was about it. This morning: work on marketing shit, teach a class. Make it to Thursday. Only goal.

Y13 D179

 I don't like the drugs.
But
the
drugs
like
me...

Norm life baby.
I'm just a sample of a soul made to look like a human being.

Left the house yesterday. A few times. First, the grocery store. Stock was back up a bit. Especially in the produce aisle. I was talking to my produce guy and he said it was only because he got in an hour early and made sure things got out. You go man, I appreciate you.

Then we went to an 80 year old's birthday. I would have had fun if any time I said or did anything I was told I was being embarrassing. So I just quietly sat there. Pretended to wear my human skin and smiled and nodded when interacted with, just like a real person would. 

Not much else to say about that.

Y13 D178

I did it! I made it through 4 days of those damn people. I am free for a whole two days! Let's hear it for capitalism! Whee! I have a class on Monday I have had ZERO time to prepare for and am going into blind, but fuck it, I won't worry about that until Monday morning. Not my issue. For now I am focused on going to the grocery store, doing laundry, and getting ready to go to an 80 year old's birthday party. That's my excitement for the weekend. Living on the edge baby.

Y13 D177

Horrible day, great evening. The class was what it was. I am at wit's end with this group. How hard is it to just type a letter Y when I ask if everyone is okay? It's not rocket science people. Bah. Last day with this group. I have a few things next week but then I get four days off. Thank fucking god. 

Group last night was excellent. We discussed values and it was a really good lively discussion. We ended up going down a rabbit hole around healthcare and a number of other topics, but it was all definitely worth the time. I am really enjoying going to this every week. It's $20 billed to insurance so you know what? Worth it. In the end I do hope to potentially make a friend or two out of this too. We shall see.

Therapy this morning, then 9 more hours of these students and I get a small respite. I can make it.

Y13 D176

It would appear that the email I sent yesterday morning asking for some common fucking courtesy sparked some sort of shit because now next Tuesday I have a "pre-meeting" around our onsite meeting in December. AND I am the only one invited, not my coworker. So it's me and my two "bosses". They're going to blah blah blah about how we need to all work as a team and how the hours are what they are, etc. I am going to sit quietly and plan my departure. All I can do.

Yesterday's session was the worst. I honestly don't know how I am going to get through the next two days with this group. There are literally 3 out of 16 who are paying attention and should be doing this. The others just need to go away. We didn't finish until 7 on the dot. Tonight none of that bullshit. I'm stopping class by 6:20 so I can go to my shit. My personal life and mental health are much more important than these people. Especially right now. Week after week of this is pushing me to the edge. 

Didn't do shit otherwise yesterday because there was no time to do shit. December can't come soon enough for me. I have to poop.

Y13 D175

So today is Wednesday, right? I wake up to a fucking calendar entry for MONDAY for a class next week again with this 10:30-6:30 bullshit. NO advance notice, no fucking warning, nothing. All I am asking for is some advance fucking notice. Not three days before finding out randomly that a fucking class has been added. No details, no nothing. For all they knew I might have had plans after 6pm on that day. It is not unreasonable for me to make life plans after 6pm when my calendar has been fucking clean for weeks on that day to suddenly find a class. AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME. I fucking found it because of something else. I'm done. I will be making a true concerted effort in 2022 to move on. I know I have said it before, but now I am done. Almost ALL of my classes for Q1 are 10:30 - 6:30 which is such bullshit. Fuck them.

I wish I had something else to discuss, but oh look, I worked 11- fucking 7 yesterday. Did tank stuff with B and collapsed. My life. And it fucking sucks.

Y13 D174

Yesterday was a nice respite before the storm of the rest of this week. Got to catch up on a few things like some testing of one environment, catch up on old emails, and helped a few students whose questions had been sitting. I really needed a day like yesterday. Now of course starts four days of hell with what I anticipate to be an awful group. Bleh.

We took a ride to the dollar store after dinner. B wanted to get some frames to put pics in for people and wasn't about to spend real money. I appreciate that. Plus I enjoyed just getting out of the house. 

We had coconut chicken for dinner. Last dinner we will have together this week. Took the cat to the vet. The one with FLV. She's been really sluggish lately and sneezing. They are going to give us some liquid antibiotics if it isn't better by week end. 

Okay. Let's do this.

Y13 D173

 It snowed yesterday for 9-10 hours. At first it wasn't sticking but about an hour in, it got solid and cold enough for it to stick. I went to the grocery store early, and as I was leaving it just started to rain a bit but by the time I got home, it had turned into snow. Next thing you know, the backyard is getting covered. But by mid-afternoon it was mostly gone. The rest of the week is slated for rain but not enough cold for more snow. It even gets up to 60 on Wednesday. 

Let's see, I went to the grocery store, did a few loads on laundry, general cleaning, vac sealed meat from the store, tank stuff, and that's about it. I finally had a day where I didn't do much. I know my not much is some people's entire agenda for two days, but whatever. It is what it is. I got some stuff done without feeling too overwhelmed by it. Talked with the kid, talked with my friend whose living room is completely torn apart thanks to mold, and talked with my sister who is sending me wedding pics.

Another week of 11-7 but thankfully it's only Tues - Thurs this week. I get today to recharge before dealing with an entire group of indian contractors. I am not looking forward to this week. But to be fair, when am I ever? Hm. Maybe that's a sign.

Y13 D172

Up early to go to grocery store. Yes, on a Sunday. I taught on Friday and wasn't in the mood to do it then, yesterday I had a hair appointment and got up early to dye my under hair, so that leaves today. Technically I could go tomorrow and have slept in this morning, but we're out of a few things. Hopefully I will be able to find everything at the store. Let's see how stock levels are doing today. 

So I got up early yesterday, took a quick shower, then I dyed my hair. At around 10 I went off to my appointment. NEW HAIR! WOO! I am so happy. Amazing how much hair you lose over three months and the difference in this new one. Plus we changed up my cut to frame my face better and moved my part. Much happy. 

My niece got married yesterday. I was getting real time updates from both my sister and the kid. Looks like everyone had a great time. I am sorry I wasn't there, but I am not sorry because I didn't have to see certain people. It would have been more stressful than enjoyable being around them. 

Spent the majority of the day inside playing video games. It was cold and windy yesterday, threatening to storm at any moment. There's talk of snow in the forecast today. I need to be careful this morning as there's probably ice on the roads. Welcome to winter in the midwest.

Made steaks for dinner, watched some tv. I intentionally tried to stay out of my office yesterday. I spent enough time in here last week and will spend too much in here this week. So yeah, I wanted to avoid this space. Felt good being upstairs even if it was not doing much.

Okay, off to the store.

Y13 D171

 Been up for an hour. Have shit to do today. Have a hair appointment at 11am, have to go to the bank before, had to touch up my under hair. Dishes. Laundry started. All before 6am. Fuck people who sleep in until noon. You all piss me off.

Finished day 4 of class. Finished around 6:45. Had therapy in the morning. Starting to deal with how much I just *love* living here. Getting to the root of issues. Childhood trauma at some point. You know, the fun stuff. Why for example at 53 years old do I still have horrible nightmares about my stepfather? Good times.

Niece is getting married today. I wish I was there but alas it's not to be. The kid is though and will be taking pics for me. Okay, more shit needing to get done.

Y13 D170

Still here. Still alive. Still functioning. Not much more than that though. 

Y13 D169

 No difference from yesterday. Same group, same shit. Didn't finish until 7 on the dot. Ugh almost there. Almost done with this shit. I feel like I am saying the same thing year after year, aren't I? Especially this time of year. I'm literally just trying to "make it through". Work shouldn't be that way. I shouldn't dread spending the day doing stuff. I know, it's "work" and it's not supposed to be fun, blah blah blah. But there has to be a way of earning money without sucking one's soul dry. Isn't there? Bah, who am I kidding. Workin' in a coal mine...

Not much else to report. Took B to the chiro before class started. Did tank stuff and feeds after class. Went to bed shortly thereafter. I am supposed to have group tonight but I already know I will be late. I am going to try and stop class as near to 6:30 as possible to miss as little of group as possible. We shall see how it goes.

Y13 D168

I really dislike this group. I have 16 students, two are actually being communicative, one thinks he's the instructor, and the rest are just dead to the world. This is our first one using Zoom and I hate it. So much clunkier than GTM ever was. Nobody listens to me. Zoom is meant for VIDEO MEETINGS not the kind of stuff we do. Just so un-intuitive. Whatever. I just drive the truck.

Spent all day. Ate some food. Watched one tv show, played animal crossing. Went to bed. Expect more the same high octane excitement all week. It's going to be so much woo.

Y13 D167

 Taught. But only a half day. 11:30 - 3. Was acceptable. Took B to grocery store after. 2 hours later got back home and make dinner. Baked chicken with some fresh green beans. Quite tasty. Did water changes and feeds. Played some video games, went to bed.

Four days of 11-7 begin today. I was doing some research yesterday for my presentation to my boss in December. Looking up cost of living increases over the last three years. The one that shocked me the most? Gas prices went from an average of $1.99 to $3.42 here in MI. Almost a 100% increase. House taxes went up 8% state wide. Heating and cooling costs up 15%. Now I have data to back up my claims that shit is getting more expensive. Data is the ultimate argument for people like us.

Starting to adapt to the time change. Not well, but starting to adapt. Couple more days and I will be fine.

Y13 D166

 Upside to this time of year: I wake up and the clock says it's only three something and I can go back to sleep for a little while. Downside to this time of year: clock says 9:30pm and I am ready for bed. Can't win.

Didn't leave the house yesterday. Stayed in and stayed upstairs all day. Avoided being in this 10x10 room all day. It gets to you after a while. I am a minimum security prisoner of my own device. I can leave the room for short periods, but spend 10-12 hours a day in here. It wears on your soul, believe me. Now I get two straight weeks of being in here. 11-7. I may miss group for two weeks. Not happy about that. 

Y13 D165

Patrick Bateman
Dexter Morgan
Tyler Durden

My mask of sanity is slipping.
If I had a heart, it'd be breaking right now.
I am Jack's wasted life.

Farewell DST for another year. Some day we will bury you. 

Y13 D164

 Praise be I actually slept in. Until almost 8am!! Of course we set the clocks back tonight so that would have only been 7am. But you know what? I will take what I can get for sure. At the same time I feel like I have missed out on part of the day already. The catch, isn't it? I've gotten so used to being up early, I don't know what to do and feel anxious when I get up "late". Stupid me.

I wish I had something of any importance to relate, but I don't. I taught all day, dealt with stupid emails, made dinner, collapsed. There it is. Until we get past the next two weeks, that's my life. It is what it is.

Y13 D163

Taught all day. REALLY shitty group. I'm sorry but they were. They were behind, doing other stuff, crappy machines, and worst of all, not communicating. That's the nail in the coffin for me. Just made the whole day drag as a result. So annoying. Finished up right at 5, ate some food, and went off to group. 

Good group session. We discussed boundaries this week. Interesting stuff coming from everyone. Especially to see how different people handle different things. 

Came back home, helped B with tank stuff. B was in a weepy clingy mood last night which ugh. I am having a hard enough time being cooped up and teaching that having her be needy on top of things was not cool.

Therapy this morning then another class from 11:30 - 3:30. Next week is another full five days of 11-7. Joy.

Oh I finally am getting paid a bonus! From July! For $160. Kiss my fucking ass. 

Y13 D162

 I swear to god this week has me so confused. With different start times every day I am just all over the place trying to figure out what day it is, how much time I have, when is lunch, etc. I can't fucking keep doing this. It's driving me crazy. To make matters worse, I am teaching three completely different products this week. I am confusing my self and saying the wrong things because I can't remember which tool I am working in at any given moment. Oh sure you can do that. Oh no wait, that's the other tool. Ugh. Two more fucking days of this.

Yesterday went until 6:30. Our friend came over for a visit. We ordered pizza and socialized. Went to bed pretty much right after they left. Not much else to be done.

Tonight is group. Teaching until 5 and will have an hour after to get to group. Plenty of time for once. Yay me.

Y13 D161

Slept in a little later this morning than I have so far this week. But not much. Had really weird dreams that I can remember. Just some odd shit. Like I was driving down a street but there was a shooting contest going on in the street. Like air rifles and targets. Just strange shit.

Taught. Same group as Monday. Have two more sessions with that group, one on Friday, the next on Monday. In between, I have two different groups. Do you know how hard it is teaching three different products that all do the same thing in one week? I can't keep track of shit. Whatever.

Made lamb burgers for dinner. Watched tv. Did water changes and feeds, went to bed. Same shit, different multi-verse.

Y13 D160

 I'm doing okay this morning. Not like stellar, but okay. I slept pretty solidly last night. Had very interesting dreams. Just weird random shit. I don't remember most of it, but the parts that are lingering are alright. 

Went to the grocery store in the morning. Man oh man, the shelves are bare. I bought toilet paper because why not, but more scary was the aisle after aisle of limited numbers. Four per person on many things like pasta, canned foods, cereals. I don't know what kind of apocalypse is coming this winter, but it's going to suck balls.

I taught in the morning/afternoon. An internal group which was a nice change of pace. I didn't have to explain certain underlying concepts of the technology as they understand those already. Made the pace and the feel different. It was also my first attempt at using Zoom instead of Goto Meeting. Some little quirks and oddities but we did okay. The biggest issue was having a "waiting room". I wasn't expecting that and I thought everyone was late but they were waiting for me to let them in. It forces you to have 1 of 3 types of security which is annoying as shit. It means I have to be paying attention and I don't like that.

After class, did laundry, made dinner, mostly just relaxed. We planned out B's birthday in Feb. We're definitely going to Dollywood. I booked the hotel in TN. The rest I will do as we get closer, but I was able to save 30% by booking those rooms now. Most of the other stuff I have to wait until at least Dec to start booking, but it's one step closer to reality. 

I am 10 days from a new hair piece. Very much looking forward to that. This one is so trashed from the mats it's not even funny. I have bald spots on my bald spots. But I've learned a lot regarding care and maintenance. The next one hopefully will be more solid. Plus, I am going to brown next year. No color, no trashed hair. Just a boring brown. 

Another internal session today, then a private 10:30-6:30 tomorrow, a private 9-5 on Thursday. The days just keep flowing.

Y13 D159

Want to see the bullshit B got me up to yesterday? Here it is:

Yep. Welcome to my life. Yeah they're real. It was disgusting. But I do as I am told. Even if it is nasty. Went over to grandparent's house to get buttons from a couch. I don't know. I just went where I was told. 

Another 5 days straight of training. Weird hours all week. Goal is to make it to December. Just need to survive the next 30 days.

Talked to the kid yesterday. She's doing well. Went to a vampire ball. At least one of us has a life.

Y13 D158

Had a pretty decent day yesterday. Got to be out of the house for over 10 hours. That's where the bar is people. Am I out of the house? Then it's a decent day.

We drove to the rock shop where B picked out some nice rocks. Then we went to the Meijer Gardens where we walked around and relaxed. Then a nice 2.5 hour dinner at the melting pot. 2 hours there, an hour between destinations, 2 hours home. So out of the 10 hours, 5 were spent driving, but I'll take it. Better than being in the house.

No plans for today. Just going to exist. 

Y13 D157

 Slept for almost 7 hours. Apparently I needed some sleep. Not a shock after the week I had. Made it through all five days of teaching. My voice hurts, my head hurts, and now I get two days to prepare to do it again. Good times.

Y13 D156

Starting to come out of it. Not fully and there's a good chance I will slip back at least once before coming out the other side. Welcome to BPD people. It's a fucking nightmare. But would I want to be on meds? No. I feel meds would be worse and kill a small part of me that I actually like. The real solution for me is tom learn how to manage the lows better. This is why I go to therapy. 

B got me a vacuum sealer system for our anniversary. I got her a knife. A really nice knife from Lamson. UPS fucked me over though and it won't be here until tomorrow. It was sitting for days and I finally got a hold of someone there and they found it never went out. So they have overnighted a new knife to me. 

I have to pay bills today and this is a BAD pay period. Medical bills. Household bills. It's bad. I may need to move a couple of things to next pay period. It's just a lot of little shit all at once - snow removal contract, my ear, insurance, all hitting. I fucking hate our pay cycles. Requires so much planning. Let's see what I can do.

Last day with this group thankfully. I am so done with them. But oh boy, I get to do two more weeks just like this one! And that's after a random week next week. Next week is 3:30 some days, 6:30 others, 5 one more. Oh that will be fun.

Y13 D155

I have never felt such frustration 

Or lack of self control 

I want you to kill me 

And dig me under  

I want to live no more 

One who doesn't care is one who shouldn't be 

I've tried to hide myself from what is wrong for me 

For me

and happy anniversary to us. whoop dee doo.

Y13 D154

Whatever. That's all I am feeling today. Just whatever. Sums up the entire mantra of my generation, doesn't it? Apathy is my friend. I'm tired of everything. Now I lay me down to sleep. The corporate world got my soul cheap. I'm already dead inside so need to wake. Trust me, there's nothing left to take.

Yeah. 

Y13 D153

Look, I know I haven't been saying much lately. I just haven't felt like talking. I am in a funk. I am tired of dealing with the same shit (literally) every day right now. Every morning it's the same thing - clean up piss and shit from the cats that can't hit the litter box, kill three hours until I can even think about getting ready for class, lose my entire fucking day teaching to a bunch of people who don't want to be there for 9 hours, be too exhausted to eat afterwards but know I have to, get indigestion from eating too late, go to bed. That literally is my life right now and will stay that way for three fucking weeks straight. My voice hurts, my head hurts, and I'm done. I am so tired it's not even funny. I get a break in December but dear god I don't think I can make it that long. I am frustrated with finances, with people, with everything. Add to that my therapist is out of town and I don't get an appointment this week. So good times to be had all across the board.

And on top of everything else, Gunther is dead. Fuck this planet in general.

Y13 D152

And so begins a very shitty week for many reasons. The only positive to this week is that our anniversary is Thursday. 7 years. Go us. Whee. Otherwise, there is literally nothing that will make me happy this week. 5 days. 11-7. Bills. Stress. So much stress.

Y13 D151

Welcome to Sunday. Whee. The last day I get before I have to talk for five days straight. I am not looking forward to next week at all.

Did household projects. Took care of the cat room. Mounted a driveway notification device. Made dinner. Did laundry. Cleaned the rugs. Went out for ice cream. Went to bed.

Y13 D150

 Hello. Welcome to Saturday. Some time in October. 2021. SO many words there that are just WTF. 2021. October?? Almost November. Almost end of year. Insane.

Had a quiet day. Went to therapy. Started a roast for tonight's dinner. Cleaned up around the house. Did fish stuff. Had Chinese food. That's about it.

No real plans for the weekend. Friend coming over to have dinner tonight. Installing a driveway alarm system. It makes B feel safer so whatever. That's about it. Not much else planned.

Y13 D149

Went to my group last night. Very good. A good mix of people. There were 7 of us total, one was there as support for one of the other, so really six of us. With the exception of one person, everyone contributed and was able to participate. I think the last person was just having anxiety or nerves because while they said a few things, they didn't really get into it like some of us did. But hey, it's all good. One thing that came up for all of us was the whole being out of the house and in a room full of people. We've forgotten how to socialize. We have anxiety from being isolated. From that perspective, I think we all got something out of being in that room.

During the day I didn't do much. I have 5 full days of teaching next week, all until 7:00 so fuck it. I am not going to push myself. I will be drained from next week and I need to make sure I am ready to go. 

Cleaned in the basement a bit. I was looking for my winter boots. I am still three years later getting used to the whole concept of winter and summer clothes to be honest. But I ended up moving some boxes and just general cleaning up of that area while digging around. I did find the boots at least. 

Had leftover apricot chicken, watched some tv, went to bed.

Y13 D148

I had a dead class yesterday. Fucking sucked. I put so much energy into it trying to get them going that I was completely trashed mentally when it was over. I had two students who were engaged and the rest just sat there like lumps. What a drain. 

Made gnocchi for dinner. Helped B with some shit. Tank stuff, cat stuff. Watched tv. Collapsed in bed. Going to a new group meeting tonight. Looking forward to that at least. 

Y13 D147

 Wednesday. I think. I don't know anymore. Things blur. Taught all day. Dealt with some bullshit with work. Made apricot chicken with sweet pea rissotto at 7:45pm. Went to bed right after eating. FML.

Y13 D146

Much going on yesterday. Important news, B is doing well. We went in for her check in and review yesterday and the doctor said everything is doing good. No issues. Still have to wait for some things but it's all good. That's what we wanted to hear.

My schedule got changed, again. In order to "keep me active" I am now doing a series of internal classes over the next few weeks. As of right now I have 10 days between now and end of year where I'm not teaching. Gosh it's like this happens every year or something and golly, no one listens to me. What a shocker.

The big fun of yesterday was I had no email until around 1pm. Email died on me sometime Friday night. Turns out our licenses for outlook didn't properly renew and a bunch of us were stuck without any way of communicating that we couldn't communicate. Cool. I had like 7 dump in three seconds when it came back online. Luckily nothing important was missed. Oh except how my schedule changed. But to be fair, I had expected that. It just means more nights of working until 6:30pm. Fun.

Had tacos for dinner. Did some last minute yard cleaning to put in bags for trash day today. Went to Target after to pick up a prescription for B. I got a new sweater. A nice cozy, I will live in this for the next month, kind of sweater. Very happy with my purchase. 

Today is session 2 for one group. 11:30 - 7:30. Joy. But at least tomorrow is a 9-1. One of the few "slow" days I get. Grateful for that shit.

Y13 D145

I typically open my work email on Sunday to double check my calendar for the week. My exchange folder seems to have been deleted. Hmm. That's not good. I tried to do some troubleshooting on my end to see if it was me and nope. I apparently have no mail account. Um. I checked all other works apps and I still have access to our VMs, admin rights on sharepoint, teams, etc. So don't know what the fuck is going on. I really hope I haven't missed anything important. Not getting a bounceback if I send to that address so I exist in the system, I just don't have a mailbox. Welcome to a new week.

Didn't do anything as planned. Played like 6 hours of video games. Helped B with a couple of around the house projects including water changes. Manicure done. Did some cleaning. Made chicken casserole for dinner. Watched some tv. A good way to relax and end the weekend. 

Have one late night this week and one normal class. The quiet before the storm. Speaking of storms, it's getting cold here finally. I don't think the house got over 65 yesterday. B had a blanket around her all day and I wore pants. Winter is approaching. Yay! Now to get this mail issue resolved. Taking B to the doc at 10:50am for a check in. Hopefully everything will be okay.

Y13 D144

I woke up this morning and it was so dark in the bedroom I figured it was like 3, maybe 4am. No no, it was 6:50. WTF? Ah, winter must be starting to approach. Changing of the seasons and the clock and all that. Darker earlier stuff. I'm okay with it for sure. Give me the darkness. 

Let's see, the day started with me going to my hair appointment. Nothing too exciting happened there. Got things situated to last for 27 days. Came back, helped B with some tank stuff, then we put up some new house numbers that came. Our old ones were mounted in a way that you couldn't quite read them from the street. The tree and porch light both blocked them. We ordered some new horseshoe ones that are larger and can easily be seen. Around 4 we headed over to our friend's house. We had Mediterranean for dinner, hung out, and watched a movie. Left there around 10pm. Came out, discovered USPS stole mail from us, and went to bed.

Wait, what? Yeah, a package we got was sliced open and the contents removed. I know it was USPS because I literally grabbed the mail 30 seconds after the truck pulled away. There was no question. It was also "delayed" at one location for a day. Hmm. They didn't even bother to try and re-tape it either. It was a pair of earrings for me for our anniversary. Fuckers. I fucking hate people like that around here. I am tired of this shit. 

No plans for today thankfully.

Y13 D143

Yesterday morning I was non-stop from 4:15 until 10am. Grocery store, bills, cats, therapy. I did more in that six hour period than some people probably did all day. It was a weird week, wasn't it? Everyone I have spoken with has said the same thing. It was just off for some reason. Well, let's put it behind us and move on, shall we?

The grocery store fucking sucked. Prices have definitely increased and shelf quantities decreased. I wasn't able to get everything I needed but came pretty darn close. I would say I spent an extra 15-20% on groceries this week. Plus the produce was looking horrible. It reminded me of that scene from the Americans when Martha has been shipped off to Russia and is buying produce and she has one nasty looking beet to choose from. Not quite that bad but felt it.

Had a good therapy session. Mostly vented this week but was much needed. Came back home, did some work, ate lunch. B made peppers for dinner. Watched some TV, played some games, went to bed. 

Today I have a hair appointment then we're going to a friend's house to help him move his bed. That's the only solid plans for the weekend. Go us.

Y13 D142

I watched a movie last night. Kind of old - 12 years - but it was still interesting. The Invention of Lying with Ricky Gervais. Very interesting concept. Basically no one could lie. Not because they were stopped from doing it, but because no one knew how. It wasn't a thing. Their brains just didn't know how to lie. The one thing I thought was off though was the lack of filters. Just because you can't lie doesn't mean you have to volunteer information. Regardless, the premise was interesting. What I found most notable was when the main character does tell the first lie, it directly contradicts information displayed on a screen to someone else. But unlike our world where people love to say "but the computer says this and it's not wrong", they trust the HUMAN to be right and assume the machine made the mistake. Imagine how different the world would be if that was the norm. More trust in people and less in machines. Interesting, eh?

Spent the majority of the day updating materials. Did a webinar for 200 people. Made seafood crepes for dinner. 

Today is groceries, bills, therapy, docs, done. Let the shit show begin.

Y13 D141

I'm very tired this morning. I slept soundly and well, but not enough. I didn't go to bed until almost 11 because I didn't finish work until 8pm again. I was actually hungry this time and ate which caused me to not be tired. Ended up finishing all of Brooklyn 99 that I still had left to watch. The last season fell very flat in my opinion. But I've watched it and can put that show in archive.

Nothing else exciting going on. Today I have a huge webinar with hundreds of people. Joy.

Y13 D140

 How in the heck did it get to be the middle of October already? Seriously. It's almost 2022. How wild is that? Kids born in 2000 can drink. What?? I mean really. It's just wild. 

Fucking great. Trying to start up a VM for today's class while typing this and getting failures. Fuck. Hold on.

Well this is just lovely. I have a class at 11:30 and can't get a machine started. Good times. Back to yesterday...

Taught all day just as I will today. Good group but had to have a post training recap with the organizer. That took until after 8pm. I didn't finish until almost 8:15. Had a PB&J, caught up on all the other emails I ignored during the day, and went to bed. 

Rinse and repeat today.

Y13 D139

Don't you just love when someone sends you an email but in the email tells you that you can disregard said email? WTF? Why did you even send it to me then if it wasn't worth me reading? Are you just dumb? Are you covering your own ass? Why? Why was energy expended on sending something you can tell me to disregard? Whatever.

Worked on docs as one does. I have two days only this week of 11:30 - 7:30. Today and tomorrow. It was supposed to be three but marketing won in the fight against sales. See, the salesperson booked me to teach on a day that already had a webinar assigned. Said webinar has nearly 500 people signed up for it already. Oh yeah, it's a big one. If it had a 100 or so, then marketing would have moved it. But this one is big. Hence, marketing told sales, you need to move the training. It took a few days, but sales got the class moved out. Not going to complain because again, now I only have 2 days of late nights instead of three. Next week one late night, but then the week of the 25th, I have ALL FIVE DAYS until 6:30 one night and 7:30 the other four. Fuck that.

Had leftovers for dinner. B got a new tattoo but was done in an hour. Pretty amazing how fast they got done. It looks good too. It's to commemorate surgery. A lasting reminder.

We watched some tv, played some video games, and went to bed. Same shit, different day. I recently had a talk with my sister about some stuff and pointed out to her that while all my news may seem exciting, the truth is, every day is just another day. There's still bills to pay and planes to catch. That damn cat's still in the cradle with a silver spoon. We just have to plod along and hope we get somewhere in the end.

Y13 D138

Sometimes I miss Disneyland. Or at least the Disneyland in my mind. I miss walking around the park pin trading. I miss the park on weekdays in February when it was empty, a little wet, and just a nice place to be. Oh well.

We did some physical stuff yesterday. We move that treadmill B got from the garage to the basement. That was an adventure. Only had to remove 3 pieces to fit it down the stairs. Now, let's see if they use it.

Played video games together. That was fun. Ordered Happy' s for dinner. Have leftovers for tonight.

Three days this week 11:30 - 7:30. Monday and Friday are not so bad. I should be grateful for that I guess. 

Y13 D137

I honestly don't know how people my age handle having multiple small children on a daily basis. Just having B's sister for two days drained me to no end. Also this child has been raised differently than how I raised my kid and since it's not my kid, I can't do anything about that. Regardless, she just had so much energy and it was exhausting. I was up around 8, she got up shortly thereafter. I made her pancakes for breakfast which she devoured. This of course just gave her more energy. Sigh. I should have given her lumpy oatmeal. We took her to the cider mill. Once again, the reality did not live up to the expectation. This is the third(?) year in a row where B tells me how much fun it is going to be and no one has fun. Too many people, too much mud, too hot, too crowded. Just ugh.

After the cider mill we took the kid for lunch, then dropped her at her grandmother's. We got back home around 2 and both of us were like nap time please. I slept for about an hour, B for more. Neither of us wanted dinner so we picked on whatever. Around 7 I was getting fidgety and decided to take a ride to Target. B wanted to focus on a blanket she is making. Perfect. I needed some alone down time anyway.

Went to target, meandered around. Picked up a few small things for the house like a new basket for the bathroom junk. Got home, redid said bathroom junk, watched a little tv with B, played some video games, and went to bed around midnight.

Today there are no immediate plans. Good.

Y13 D136

 It's the weekend and I slept in! Woo! Wow. It's 8am already. I guess I needed some sleep, eh? We were up until about 11 but still. I went to therapy and we started getting into some new stuff. Including what makes me feel "stuck" or "trapped". I surprised even myself with how quickly I was able to answer that question. We're going to be moving into issues of childhood trauma next. This should be fun. 

Afterwards I worked on work stuff. Prepped for an afternoon webinar, delivered said webinar, shut off work. Not in the mood for those people right now.

B sister (the youngest one only) spent the night. We thought we'd let each girl come by themselves to give them a break too. We had dinner, did crafts, played video games, made stove top popcorn, and she even helped feed the axies. Good job! It was a nice night.

Today we're doing the fall thing and going to a cider mill. Then dropping the kid off and unknown from there. Just no thinking about stupid work.

Y13 D135

It was pointed out to me yesterday that compared to my coworker I am considered "less flexible" by the sales team. Well go suck my left nut. Because I won't bend over backwards, move my schedule around, or work every fucking night until 8pm, I'm not flexible? Fuck right off. From here on out, I will be the good little employee and just make it to the end of the year. All I can do.

To that end, I wrote another webinar yesterday. Dealt with salespeople bullshit. 

Our friend came over to hang out and we took a ride to Walmart for B to get some clearance switch games. Basically all game shows. We had breakfast for dinner which was really good. Omelets, pancakes, bacon, english muffins. Quite tasty. 

Went to bed. I have to deliver a webinar today. Gosh golly, I will be on my bestest behavior so as not to offend anyone's delicate senses. 

B's sister is staying the night. This is going to be an exhausting night for sure.

Y13 D134

 I took it easy yesterday. After so many days of late nights I needed a break. I worked on docs and got some stuff prepped for the next few weeks. I also set marketing against sales, bwahaha. Seems that the sales guy put training on a day where I was supposed to have a webinar. Whoops. Especially since I have 250+ people signed up for that webinar. Big whoops. Hey not my battle. I just point shit out. Let them fight over it. I can't do both, sorry. I can either teach from 11:30 - 7:30 or do a webinar from 1:30 - 3:00. Your choice people.

We had massive amounts of leftovers for dinner last night. We really needed to clean the fridge out and we went at it. Hodge podge dinner, but the fridge looks better. Took a ride to JoAnn Fabrics to pick up a small cart for my office. Surfaces are getting too cluttered. I needed some storage space. Looks much better now in here.

Sent my sister a present as well as supported her Etsy shop. She's having a rough time again physically and I want to be there for her as much as she is for me. I also sent my niece a wedding present. She gets married in about a month and since we can't be there, I wanted her to have something nice from us.

Watched some tv, cleaned the kitchen, fed axies, and finally hung up our new artwork. As you come in our house now Alien Jesus greets you. Perfection.

More docs today. Writing a second webinar up and putting the demos together for next week's webinar. Slow day number 2.

Y13 D133

 Yesterday was rough. The group was good, the material worked out well, but it was a long day. Too long. By the time I wrapped up it was almost 8pm. I did some looking yesterday and out of 45 days, I am working 25 of those until 6:30 - 7:30 at night. I sent my sales people a message saying no more late nights on my calendar. It's too much. We need to come up with alternate solutions. Things like early starts, half days, anything. I can't do more than 50% late nights. It's really eating into my life. Let's see if they respond.

As such, I didn't really do anything else yesterday. From 10:30 until 8pm, it was work related so not a whole lot to share here. I fed the cats, spent a little time with B, had carnitas for dinner, and that was about that. Next thing you know, it's bed time. I get a break the rest of the week. Next week is more long nights but at least for now I get a respite.

Y13 D132

Yesterday started out okay but finished on a shit note. I got up early to work on the client docs and managed to have them all done and ready by 10am. I sent them over to the client and heard nothing. No big deal since they are 3 hours behind me. Later in the day I was checking my mail and saw a junk mail - it's the fucking bounce back that I was watching for. Fucking outlook. I am sick and tired of these apps telling me what's junk and what's not. Especially ones like outlook that suck at it. At 6pm I ended up spending three hours working with other people to try and get all these files loaded into our litmos system. I didn't finish until 9 and I was just pissed off. Add to that open enrollment starts today and so we got this year's rate sheets. Oh look, I have shit to choose from again. I asked my boss for a check for $5000 to allow me to get private insurance this year. Doubt anything will come from it, but I asked. 

My back is killing me this morning. I have to teach from 11:30 - 7:30. I am cramming four days of material into two. Fuck my life.