Y12 D328

I had the most vivid dream last night. What I remember of it was I was working in like a furniture showroom store helping my coworker move furniture around. It must have been like an IKEA sort of place because on our way out of our shift we passed by people eating food. It was just strange. From there I went to outside of this club where I met friends who were in charge of a Misfits fan club and they got me to join. We then went inside where I needed to write them a check for $21.75 as my dues which got me into the show at this particular bar. Very strange indeed.

I was thinking about something yesterday that was also kind of interesting. A couple of days ago B expressed concern about me traveling again. Not because I would be on the road, but because it would mean they'd be by themselves again. They've gotten used to me being home for over a year. The thought of me being gone is stressing them out. I actually get it. It dawned on me last night as I was making my dinner by myself, that B has never truly lived alone. Neither had I until 12 years ago to be honest. Plus it's one thing to live alone in a small apartment where you are just taking care of yourself. But to be alone in a large house with multiple animals can be a lot. There's cleaning, laundry, bills, animals, that feeling of loneliness - it can overwhelm. One or two days is fine, but if I am gone for a full week, that's pressure. The last decade has changed me in that sense where I can function by myself. Between being home and being on the road, I get how to handle the feelings, mostly. Even I know I have moments. I was by myself last night because B had to go help a friend with some family shit. That took from like noon until about 7. Not a huge amount of time alone, but enough. You have to be okay with motivating yourself to do things and that can be hard. For example, I took a ride to a really cool game store. That killed 90 minutes. Then I came home and had to do more work on the big tank (we had an ammonia spike so I had to do another water change). There's another hour down. That's how I handle alone time. Break it into smaller chunks and just get through each chunk. Dinner was another hour handled. The remaining for me was spent playing video games. Steam did me dirty by having a good sale. In the last two weeks I have picked up Wasteland 3, Monster Hunter World, and Subnautica. Enough to keep me busy for a while. But what if you don't have distractions? That's when being alone is the hardest. That's why I say 1-2 days is fine, but I get B's stress about 4-5 days of me being gone. It will take a readjustment for them. We shall see what happens.

Three days of teaching this week. Right now scheduled for 10-6 but am hoping to change that. Am hoping to see if the students will start earlier. Otherwise, there's my whole day for three days and that sucks.