110 days until this year is over. It feels like I was just going to Pearl Jam with the kid. It feels like yesterday that my world went weird. Yet, here I am. Coming down off a weekend trip with my girlfriend living the most authentic life I've ever lived. Still not divorced yet. That will come soon enough. At the current pace, I am expecting to file papers in March or April. Go back a year, let's see when I said we'd be divorced. Hold on, gonna look. August 24th/25th. That's when we had "the talk". That's when we decided to officially get divorced. That's nearly six months ago. Most people would have been well into the proceedings by now. We still haven't even filed paperwork. It's been since Nov 2 since we've lived together. That was three months ago. I told you all it would be odd and here we are. Oh well. Just living my best damn life.
We left around 7 yesterday, home by 9:30am. Made sure the cats were all good, unpacked, did laundry, and relaxed. Around 2 we went and did a pokemon community day, went to the grocery store, and had redemption pizza. We both were upset at the pizza we had while out of town. We wanted real pizza to make up for it. We watched some tv, went to bed around 10.
Today I have voice therapy at nine, some things to do for work, and that's about it. I do teach three days this week which will keep me busy. Same thing next week. It's almost Valentine's Day. I need to stop and get cards on my way back from voice. I don't really feel like going today but I will.
For the record, I am still very happy in my relationship. I am tired of life in general - bills, B, the world - but between me and C, things are really good. I finally feel I have a partner that's in it with me. Not just for themselves. I don't feel like I am giving more of me than I can. I feel like I can be open and honest about how things are affecting me. I can share what's on my mind without it being taken the wrong way. I can express myself clearly without dancing around things. I always felt B and I had decent communication but there's something different now. I am not having to worry and think things through seven different ways before saying them. If something is bugging me or if something needs to be done, I can be direct. That's a big difference. I am truer to me and my partner like I have never been with any partner. If I am being honest, I still don't know how long this will last. At some point she's going to realize I am too old for her and want to move on. Okay. But at least I will have had this time and cherish every minute of it. I will hold how I feel right now with me forever. I know my worth.
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