I am posting today with a heavy heart. I know that sounds dramatic but it's true. My "friend" has decided that after spending two days with me that we are "fundamentally different people and it's best that moving forward we maintain a professional relationship only". Basically I got friend broken up with yesterday. That hurts. A lot. I am not going to lie. I guess for the last year that we've known each other, being online friends was at just the right level of surface stuff that it worked, but being in person changed the dynamic. I don't know what she means by "fundamentally different people" but at the same time I do. We're at different life stages, different attitudes towards things, different value and belief systems. Much of which rose to the surface. I know I can be challenging to be around in person. I get it. I was just hoping to know what it was like to just be "normal" I guess? To have a mundane regular friendship with someone? All this does is show me that no matter what I do I will never fit in with the standard straight CIS woman experience. For example she was more getting into all the bachelorette parties going on around us and a couple of times about things she said "oh come on, we all went through that phase of xyz". Well no, we all didn't go through that phase. I wish I had, but I didn't. She's a standard Catholic girl with a loving family, a husband, who talks to her parents every day. Me? I'm a recluse who hates noise and people. Part of me wants to be that kind of person who spends their weekends working on home projects with their spouse and having dinners with the parents and all those regular old things. But it will never happen. I will also be the trauma influenced tranny desperately looking to make a connection. We have very different attitudes towards money, morals, ethics, etc and again, it all came to the surface being together like we were. I tried my best to be just a regular person, but I never will be. So yeah this hurts.
No comments:
Post a Comment