ANA Y2 D34

Has it really only been a little over a month? Wow. Okay. I started thinking yesterday about what I was doing this time last year. Safe to say I was in a very different mental place, wasn't I? I had just gotten my two flower tattoos. Had gone on a date. Was about to leave for NC. Was living the weirdest life ever. Yet, here I am. What is this all about? I move forward yet I don't. I am on the most fucked treadmill ever. Am I in hell? Am I already dead? If so, what next?

ANA Y2 D33

Yesterday was rough. It was one of those days where if the class is slow I need all the time and then some. But if the class is fast I struggle having enough material to keep them engaged. This sadly was one of the latter and I have a second day with them today. Plus the product has changed significantly since the last update to the material and I was scrambling. As I said, I get to do it again today. Loads of fun. We ate through leftovers for dinner. Made homemade frozen yogurt. That was fun. Watched some tv. Played some games. C's foot is still hurting. She won't go back to the doctor either. Can't force her but I worry. Went to bed around 11. Almost weekend. Almost birthday. Joy.

ANA Y2 D32

I started making phone calls yesterday. I got some things changed but other I couldn't. The biggest issue is the bank. They won't let me do it without basically being in person. I have to drive to Chicago to the nearest Wells Fargo. Seriously. Fucking assholes. Without that changed I can't change my payroll or insurance. Pain in the ass.

Taught until 6:30. Made enchiladas. Oh gave blood in the morning. Tired. More teaching today 9:30 to 5:30. Same tomorrow.

ANA Y2 D31

I have a new license. Well, I have a temporary piece of paper that says my name and gender. The real one will be here in like 3 weeks. But still. Things aren't much better for me mentally. I am putting on a real game face right now. I have therapy friday. Maybe that will help.

ANA Y2 D30

I know I haven't written a lot in the last few days. My mental health is on a bit of a decline. I am overwhelmed by many things right now and it's hard to get words on the page. There's too much going on in my head. I am trying my best to capture what was important and noteworthy of the day but the days are blending together and I see a cliff up ahead. I am trying, but it's not easy right now.

We bine watched half of the new season of The Bear. Technically we made it through 6 of 10 episodes. Then the rain started and we discovered our gutters were clogged. I had to get out in the storm and clean them out. That wasn't fun at all.

We ate leftovers and watched some more tv. Went to bed around 10.

ANA Y2 D29

We didn't get home until after midnight. We went out for the first time in a long while. Started the day with a hair appointment. I am blonde again. Came home, took care of things around the house like laundry, went out again at 6 to meet a friend. Took her to a horrible bar because she was adamant about going there, then we took her to normal people places where we ran into other people we know and had drinks. It was a tiring adventure, but at least I got out of the house. Where my mask of sanity and it didn't seem to slip.

ANA Y2 D28

 I feel a lot has happened in a month. But then again, when doesn't it? The only time I had a "calm" time was during COVID. Did a lot of errands yesterday that were important to me. I got certified copies of my court order. I got a new Social Security card. Congratulations, it's a girl. Changed my name with my pharmacy and Hilton. Submitted a request with my insurance. Monday is new driver's license. With that I can change the bank and other financial institutions. Get all new cards. Go me.

ANA Y2 D27

History is repeating itself and not in a good way. It's 2010 all over again. I can't do this again. I am close to the edge. Only one way out right now. I can't keep going like this and I don't know what to do. I can't. I just can't. I'm going to cry. I am going to walk in traffic. I worked so hard. Built it up now take it apart climbed up real high now fall down real far no need for me to stay last thing left I just threw it away.

ANA Y2 D26

Seriously, this has been the most boring week ever. Not complaining. Just doesn't make for interesting posts, sorry. I worked all day, gave a webinar, set up the new AC in the office, we had taco bell for dinner as a treat, watched TV, played Diablo, went to bed. Literally that was our day. Guess what? More of that today. Whee.

ANA Y2 D25

Nothing much to write about yesterday. It was long and boring. I taught from 10 until 6, made tacos for dinner, watched some tv, played video games, went to bed. C is trying to walk more on her leg and was able to help do the dishes last night. As small and stupid as that sounds, it was a big help. One less thing on my plate after teaching all day. I appreciated the effort. More of the same the next two days.