Y2 D218

Good day at work yesterday. Did more report work and discussed continuing the project into quarter one of next year. I can't believe this year is over in two days. Wow. It seems like it was just yesterday I was moving. I have been trying to think back over the whole year and all its ups and downs. More downs than ups it seems at times, but I survived another year. Yay me? More gray hair, more stress, less happy than before overall, but I survived. I guess that counts for something?

The only part of yesterday during the day worth mentioning was the 30 minutes I spent on the phone with X1. Yes, she was complaining that she hadn't received a check yet. What else is new? But then she started crying and telling me about how horrible her husband is, how rough her life is, and how she misses her kids because she is driving so much. Blah blah blah. I wanted so bad to go off on her, but I know only 5 more months and it is all irrelevant. It will mean nothing to me soon enough. She will be out of my life. I feel for her husband, soon to be ex-husband. He still has another decade plus to have to deal with her crap. I spoke to him afterwards as he is the one who will be actually picking up the kid on Sunday. We had a good laugh at X1's expense about some of the things she was saying. Amazing how different the other side of the coin can be. I did say one thing to her about all her choices - I told her that she finally sees how I have felt these last 16 years when I would go weeks on end without being able to see the kid. It hurts like hell sometimes but you don't have much choice. You make your decisions and you have to deal with them.

Made egg sandwiches for dinner last night. Nothing fancy. Trying to go through all the food that is going to spoil before the kid leaves. Once she is gone I am back to not eating. It's been weird having to eat again. Some part of me is just eating because she is here. That stops Sunday.

Put away Christmas last night. Cleaned up all the remnants of the tree and decorations. My house is back to normal. Kind of weird as I have been used to the tree and stuff out for the last month, but at the same time it feels like it was just yesterday I was putting everything on display. I also realized I have too much crap out and will probably deal with that on Sunday. Last day at work and then I get three days off! Two back to back shows and a drive to drop off the kid, but still, don't have to work!

Y2 D217

I can't believe this year is almost over. Just a couple more days and it will be 2011. Wow. There's a date I never thought I would see. Hell, I am amazed some days I made it passed 2000. Can I have my life back? Can I have the last decade or so back please? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Another day, another dollar. Nothing exciting yesterday. This project is rolling to a close. Only have about another week and a half left in terms of hours. Hopefully it will get extended but there is no guarantee which worries me. I can tell the client is frustrated too and would like to extend but with everyone out, he needs to wait until his bosses get back from holiday break.

Kid and I went and had pizza last night. I know I shouldn't spend the money, but neither of us wanted to cook and I just wasn't in the mood to argue. Plus she now has food for lunch or dinner today. I have put on three pounds since she has been here. Every time she is here I eat. Good? Bad? Indifferent? Whatever.

Off to work. Only two more days and then I get Friday off. Two shows this weekend. Then I drive the kid home on Sunday and life goes back to 'normal'.

Y2 D216

Watched an actual funny comedy last night. These days there are very few comedies that actually make me laugh. I just am not into what people call amusing any more. Current fare in the theaters for comedy? Jack Black acting like a moron, Ben Stiller and De Niro doing kid jokes, and a horrible version of Yogi Bear. I do not find any of that amusing. BUT last night the kid and I watched Easy A on demand. I still have, well had, 4 free movies from DirectTV. That was a damn funny movie. Well acted, good story line, didn't rely on fart, poop, or puke jokes for humor. We enjoyed it.

That was about it for highlights yesterday. Worked, watched the movie, made pupusas for dinner, went to bed. Nothing exciting. Good.

Y2 D215

Went to my grandmother's house yesterday. It's my dad's mom - the crazy racist, conspiracy theory lady. She is 81 years old and while she doesn't look it, she definitely acts it at times. I have learned to take her with a grain of salt, but man I don't always understand her. The cool thing was it was me, the kid, her, and my aunt. We had four generations sitting around the breakfast table yesterday. Made me actually a little nostalgic. The other interesting thing is when most people have four generations of family in a room, it's a crowded room. Not us. There were four of us. Period. Big family, woo.

We had breakfast and then decided to all go see a movie together. The sucky part was we went to a theater in a mall where X2 and I used to frequent and I believe she still frequents when she is in town. I kept having this nagging fear I was going to run into her around every corner even though I doubt she is in town given that it was Sunday and it's a holiday. Odds are she spent the holidays with her mother in a completely different state or her mother visited her. But it was still weird for me to be in stores that I have not been in since X2 and I were last in them together. I tried to push it out of my mind, but it was still tough.

We went and saw True Grit. Actually much better than the original. Jef Bridges is a better John Wayne than John Wayne was. Went back to the house after the movie and socialized for a little longer. By the time we got home it was 3 something. Ran a couple of errands then watched a little Always Sunny together. I have the kid hooked on the show now too. She has watched almost 2 full seasons with me and we are just about caught up with season six.

Made game hens for dinner. I did feel a little bad because I don't use my table as a table, so we had to eat in the front room off the ottomans. Here's this nice dinner and we are eating it like bums. Hell, I don't even have TV trays. Maybe that is something I should add to the list of 2011 purchases. I want to get a new shower curtain as well. TV trays and shower curtains - that's what my life has been reduced down to these days. Nice.

Watched a little more TV and went to bed. Now another full week because no more holidays for a while. This is going to be a long one...

Y2 D214

Twas a damn good Christmas amazingly enough. Better than I had anticipated or expected. I got up around 6 or 7 and let the kid sleep until almost 8. We moved slowly and opened presents. I was pleasantly surprised at the gifts I got that I actually knew nothing about. From X1's brother I got a nice sweater, from N, some movies and two really nice absinthe advertising prints, and from the kid? Tron the video game! I don't know how she was able to afford it (well, yes I do, grandma had to have helped her) but it was a nice gift that I honestly did not expect. Pretty damn cool. After we opened gifts I cracked open the mini-donut maker I got for myself. Made some basic little donuts. Not too shabby. Pretty darn good powdered sugar and cinnamon donuts. Was fun. One batch of dough makes about 36 donuts. It's a little time consuming (4 minutes for six donuts so it took about an hour to make all of them) but fun and tasty. We then got ready to go over to her grandmother's house. We were there from about 12:30 to 3. Headed home, rested a while and then decided to have Chinese food for dinner. I know, I took out game hens, but I just didn't feel like cooking. Chinese was much more fun anyway. Nothing like being the oddballs at a chinese restaurant on Christmas night.  Us, the Jews, and the random Chinese people. Fun. Came home, watched one of the movies N sent me - Queen of the Damned - and then hit bed. We are heading over to MY grandmother's house this morning. She is 81, a racist, and a conspiracy theorist. Obama is a crazy Muslim who is going to enslave us all in his Socialist world according to her. I don't want to be there too long because seriously this woman drives me nuts, but it's the right thing to do and I will do it to make everyone happy. Other than that, no big plans. Hopefully another slow day before I have to work again tomorrow.

Y2 D213

I had a genuine Christmas fucking miracle yesterday. The kid and I were out running a few errands yesterday and had made it to the grocery store. I was stressing out because I was trying to find the cheapest things I could get without making her starve like me when I got a text from one of my bosses. He was confirming my address because he dropped a Christmas bonus check off at my house. It didn't matter if it was $100 or $500, it was the fact that some of the pressure was being relieved by the company without me worrying about being indebted to them even further. We finished our grocery shopping ($28) and headed home. There on the doorstep was a check for $400. Thank you very much. Thank whatever higher power, whatever method of visualization, thank everyone. It made me breathe a little easier yesterday.

We did a couple more errands including dropping props off for the New Years Eve show. Then we headed back home and relaxed. We had a nice little dinner of beanie weenies because it's what she wanted. Then I did my usual Christmas tradition of watching Grinch followed by Charlie Brown. I good day all in all.

Today is Christmas. The kid is still sleeping. There's some presents under the tree I am excited to open because I honestly don't know what they are. From there we are going to her grandmother's house, and then having cornish game hens for dinner. I am actually in a good relaxed mood right now. Let's hope it lasts through the rest of this year. Merry Christmas to my brother. I do miss him.

Y2 D212

Yesterday was an incredible mix of highs and lows, frustrations and relaxations. When I got up yesterday I checked the bank because I had a feeling I would get paid early thanks to the holiday. I was correct. Problem was my check was about $200 less than I thought it was going to be. Our finance guy is on holiday until the 2nd and he is not checking email. Really have no one to ask. Right off the bat, I was happy to have gotten paid, but I knew after bills went out I was going to be screwed. This started the day. I did pay a couple of bills, took care of that. Then I went off to work. Did about 4 hours at work. While I was there, I sent my bosses an email telling them that I couldn't continue to live this way in 2011. The stress of always being broke and worrying was not conducive to me being a good employee. I also chastised them a bit for the holiday dinner and told them how even a small bonus of $200 would have been a lot more beneficial to me instead of a dinner I didn't even eat. I was a little snarky on that part, but it's true and I was worried about how I am going to make it to the 7th. I then gave them four different proposals on changing my salary and bonus structure that could reduce my stress and make me bug them less in 2011. The proposals all were of varying degrees of benefit to both me and the company. That was 24 hours ago and I have yet to hear back. Gee thanks guys.

At the same time, I managed to finally solve my issues with the formulas and reports I have been working on this last week. Talk about major relief and joy. I busted my ass this week to get these calculations and formulas all working and at around 10am yesterday morning I was checking off all 211 numbers in the report to the penny. Made me feel great!

I came home around 11 and wrote out rent checks. Once I again I got stressed and worried. See? Highs and lows. Made the kid some lunch, relaxed, and then headed over to my director's house for a little get together. It was me, the kid, my two directors, their kid, a high school friend of theirs in town visiting, and two of our other friends from cast. We had a GREAT time. We were there until about 12:30 just hanging out and socializing. I had a blast as did the kid. Got home around 1 and went off to bed. All in all a weird day, but nothing out of the ordinary, right?

Y2 D211

I was supposed to be off today, but alas I am off to work. I will probably be one of like three people in the office today, but I need to get two more numbers to tie out before I can say I am done. I only have 100 or so hours left on this project and need to use them as efficiently as possible if I want the client to extend the SOW. I would like to stay at this client through first quarter as it makes my life easier. In order to to do that I need them to be happy. Hence, I worked another 10.5 hours yesterday and I am going in today. Do what you go to do.

Other than work yesterday, I did have an interesting conversation with my boss yesterday afternoon. It is finally sinking into his head that I am having financial troubles and have nowhere to turn. We are going to try and adjust things starting in January. I hope he follows through this time and doesn't forget like he has in the past. It would really make my life easier if I had a small increase in cash flow every month. Nothing major, just a couple hundred more to give me some breathing room until May when the child support stops finally. I can't believe that after 16 years of paying it will finally be over. What a trip. I am so used to paying it that it will be weird to not send a check every month.

Came home and made the kid some burgers and sweet potato fries for dinner. One good thing about the kid in the house is I actually eat when she is here. I end up making us both dinner and I eat. I have put on 2 pounds since she has been here. Doesn't seem like much, but at 149, every two pounds makes a difference. We talked and relaxed and she played Sims while I watched Human Target. Nice quiet night. I did get a gift yesterday from an unexpected source; her uncle, X1's brother, left a gift for me at her grandmother's house. We haven't spoken in almost two years since X1's sister passed away. I am not sure what's in the gift, but the very thought that he sent one means something to me. We used to be very close until he got involved with his wife. Another case of the wife not liking me. This time though it was undeserved. I hope now as she has gotten older and wiser she sees that I am not as evil as she thought. Maybe this gift is the first step towards reconciliation.

Off to work...

Y2 D210

Another day, another boring ass time. Worked for almost 11 hours yesterday. The client is out Thursday and Friday so we are scrambling to get everything done. I expect another 10+ hours today. Ugh. So very tired.

After work, had dinner with the kid at X1's mother's house. Sometimes it is weird to still see them on a social level, but I know they are her grandparents and want to see the kid. I can't deny them that. Plus it saved me from making dinner last night. I am not complaining.

Watched three episodes of Always Sunny and went to bed. That was my day. No drama, no strange shit. Just work, dinner, bed. Woo hoo. If I can make it one more day though, it will be worth it. I will end up with four days off to do nothing. Maybe I will actually sleep.

Y2 D209

Busy day at work yesterday. It's a short week and I have to cram those hours in. Ended up doing around 10.5 yesterday. If I can hit at least 30 before end of day Wednesday, I won't have to go in at all on Thursday or Friday. If I am short a little I will have to work Thursday. I would rather not. Other than work, not much happened yesterday. Got an expense check I was waiting for from work. A whopping $60, but money is money. I am not bitching. I hope I get some kind of bonus in January. I have been busting my ass with billable hours this quarter. I am estimating at least $500 in January. We shall see what happens.

Came home and made pork chops for the kid and me. Watched some bad TV while we ate, a couple of episodes of Always Sunny and went to bed. Nothing exciting. BUT unlike last week where I would have been depressed, since I have the kid here to talk to, it made it bearable. Humans need humans whether we like it or not. Only way to keep our sanity.

Off to work. Another 10 hours. She is off to see grandma in a while. Probably will have to eat dinner there tonight. Oh joy...