ANA Y4 D266

Silence. Thank god.

Merlot is not doing better. I am really worried. Concert tonight. But it's being overshadowed by Merlot. I am worried we will come home to a deceased cat. FUCK. 

ANA Y4 D265

I'm up at 4am because of Merlot. She's taken a turn for the worse. Her back legs have seem to given up on her. We have an appointment Tuesday but I don't know if she will make it that long. We can't afford to go to an emergency vet either. My brain and head are both out of control right now.

ANA Y4 D264

I'm going to stop telling you if my head is screaming. Assume it is.

Applied for more jobs. Had a career coach meeting. Made additional changes to my resume to further get it past auto software. She 100% agreed that if I could just get a fucking interview, I could get a job. We were scheduled for 50 minutes, talked for 90. This is my issue. I can sell myself. I can hold my own in an interview. I am just not getting to a human. Pissing me off.

Made fajitas for dinner. Finished season 5 of slow horses. Played games. Two more days until NiN. 

ANA Y4 D263

Scream back. I am wondering if this is neuro and not aural at this point.

Not much yesterday. Went to a webinar on ageism in the job search. Most was common sense to me, but picked up a couple of good things. Have my coach meeting today. Got my first unemployment check. Just a few more days until the concert. 

ANA Y4 D262

Silence is back. I went to bed around 10, slept until 6:15, had solid sleep. Strong dreams. Weather changed again. I was reading yesterday that the rapid melting of snow on Monday released a shit ton of pollution and caused bad air quality. Have to wonder what the correlation is between that and my head.

Didn't find anything worth applying to yesterday sadly. I have hit things to hard too fast and now it is drying up. I will try again today. Made sausage rolls for dinner. Watched tv. Nothing else exciting going on in my life. Just a few more days until NiN part two! Much excite! 

ANA Y4 D261

Scream is back. I had two full days of silence. It was really nice. The weather changed dramatically overnight too which doesn't help things. I am hoping it will fade down a bit today.

Applied for more jobs. Submitted my unemployment. Let's see what comes of that. Nothing else new going on. 

ANA Y4 D260

Silent. I had about 9 hours yesterday and it came back. Let's see if I can go the whole day.

Cleaned. Did laundry. Had pizza for dinner. 

ANA Y4 D259

Blessed silence.

Got two more rejections while I slept. This tells me these things aren't being read by humans. They are going through fucking software and AI instead of people. Fuck this. Starting to get depressed. Really depressed.

Took dog to grromers. Went to store. Went to friend's house. Was depressed the whole time. Just want this to be over in any number of ways. 

ANA Y4 D258

Scream

Paid myself last night and took care of bills. This way I don't have to deal with it this morning. It's done and done. I gave myself exactly how much I would have received on a normal pay period. I was tempted to round up, but I stuck to my guns. Had a meeting with my old company about doing 1099 work but they couldn't come up with something that was less beneficial to me than unemployment. Sorry but why risk for sure money for a chance of money. It just didn't make financial sense. Applied to more jobs. Just playing the waiting game right now. Hopefully this will be over soon. Taking dog to groomer today. For the last time for a while sadly. 

ANA Y4 D257

It's back. Sigh.

Got ALL of my money finally. Still not treating it like extra though. I am going to pay myself tomorrow. Started using my new resume yesterday. Hopefully it will get more traction. Had my unemployment meeting. That went well. They only want me to log one job per week. I am at 26 applied right now. The interviewer could tell I was serious about everything and it went smoothly. Let's see when that first check comes. I plan on using it for things like C's car payment and my hair. Groceries too. It's like the $500 I was getting before for expenses. NONE of this at this point is "extra" money. All has a purpose.

Hopefully we get C's car today. Hopefully.