ANA Y4 D288

Scream

Michigan does not make it easy to collect unemployment. Apparently I messed up something and now they're trying to say I owe them money? WTF? I have to call this morning and put this right. I swear I am not over here trying to commit fraud. I just need to stay afloat until I can land a job. Their money isn't the best but it's keeping us going. Fuck. I am so fucking frustrated right now. I just wanted to make it to retirement. But right now I am not making it anywhere. You wonder why I want to kill myself? 

ANA Y4 D287

It broke yesterday for a while. Got about 14 hours of peace but it's back.

Got up early yesterday and started a slow cook pork butt. Made brownies. Our friend came over for dinner and we watched a movie. I took dog on walk. Did laundry. Cleaned house. 

ANA Y4 D286

Day seven. I am done with this shit.

Somehow I fucked up and my unemployment has been suspended. Of course I can't call until Monday so now I get to spend the weekend stressing. I am tired of being alive. I really am. I can't keep going like this. Something needs to give and soon or I am going out back to a tree. Speaking of trees our backyard is littered with broken branches due to 70mph winds yesterday. We lost power for 2 hours and 12 minutes. I had to cook dinner over a butane stove in fading light. That was oodles of fun. Went out at 3:37 and came back just as we finished dinner near 6. Can I just end it all, please? 

ANA Y4 D285

No improvement, no changes, no nothing. I am spiraling but I do have therapy today. I am also going to do an ear drain today to see if that helps. Otherwise, I am still in hell. 

ANA Y4 D284

Day 6. Fuck this life.

No news on the job front. No news about anything. Life sucks. 

ANA Y4 D283

My screaming has moved out of my hears and into my whole head. Fuck my life.

Went to the store. Made dinner. Took dog for walk. 

ANA Y4 D282

Scream.

Spent $700 yesterday having my damn water heater serviced. Water was only coming out at around 90 degrees. When he was done, it was back to 136.5. Took my first HOT shower in months this morning. We originally thought it was just because it had been so cold outside that it was struggling to heat up. Nope. Just needed to be flushed and descaled. The upside is that price included the pump and cables to do it in the future. Which means I can learn how to do it myself next year. It really should be done annually. C had doc appointment and everything went well for her. We took dog on two walks again. I am still struggling to connect with this place that wants an interview. Their software isn't sending out meeting invites correctly and the HR person seems clueless on how to work around it. Maybe something will come of that today. 

ANA Y4 D281

I just noticed I messed up yesterday's title. Whatever.

Mild scream today. Up early because water heater people coming between 8 and 12. Went on another walk yesterday. Very nice. Didn't feel good in the tummy so made soup and grilled cheese for dinner. Otherwise, quiet day.

Ana Y4 D280

Head screaming and clocks changed. HATE today. It's "7:30" but it's pitch black outside and I did not get renough sleep. 

Had hair appointment, stopped at the store, scheduled a service for our water tank, did laundry, took dog for TWO walks, made bento boxes for dinner, played games, watched a movie. Good filled day. 

ANA Y4 D279

It back.

Went to lunch with friend yesterday. Was nice. It rained on and off during the day then stormed like crazy last night. Fough the dog to go outside because for some reason she is a princess who hates being wet. Okay. Made pasta for dinner. Started new show. Played games. Went to bed.