ANA Y5 D79

Silence? What is going on with the pattern? I don't like changed patterns. It's weird. 

Worked. Took my intern to lunch. Made quesadillas for dinner. Going to look at a house during lunch today.  

ANA Y5 D78B

Oh look, the rare and elusive second post in a single day. It doesn't happen often people, bask in it's glory. Why the second post? Because all I did on the drive in today was think and listen to my head scream. I am done. I am so fucking tired of moving forward and nothing changing. I really am doing my best but clearly my best isn't good enough. It never is. I talked to my sister the other day. She was telling me how she's moved back in with our dad. Our stepmom had a stroke and they need the help. He's turned 78 last week and can't manage a 5 acre farm on his own. Here's the catch - she was telling me how there are holes in the walls, mold, areas of the house that need gutting, dry rot, windows need replacing, how neither of them have any teeth left because they have no dental insurance, the list went on. Yet somehow I have never heard her happier. How? Why? WTF? How can you be happy in that? If that is my future, then kill me now. That's no way to live. What's the fucking point? I don't get it. My ideation is through the roof right now. All of this house shit and job shit and everything else is sending me. I can't take it any more. I don't want to take it any more. And if that is where all this is leading me? Then you can fucking have it.

ANA Y5 D78

Screaming

No house for us.

Rethinking everything. 

ANA Y5 D77

Back to screaming. And screaming bad.

In about 12 hours we will find out on the house. I am keeping my expectations low. No use in getting excited for something that hasn't or might not happen. Getting screwed is the story of my life. 

ANA Y5 D76

Silence still.

We are in a bidding war. We will know tomorrow night by 6pm if we got a new house. I spent the day looking, found one, and really like it. I am up against another couple. Sacrifice chickens for us people.

We started packing last night. This needs to happen. 

ANA Y5 D75

Silence.

The pattern has changed. I don't know why. More research is needed.

Worked. Ordered boxes for packing. Live streamed.

Going to look at two houses today. This may be it. 

ANA Y5 D74

Scream day two, let's see if we stick with old pattern or new pattern.

Realtor came over yesterday. Took pictures, prepped paperwork. We're not listing yet, but we have everything ready to pull the trigger.

Worked. Made tacos. Played games. Went to bed. Wished my sister a happy birthday. 

ANA Y5 D73

Still silent. I don't know what's changed but I have had 4 out 5 quiet days. What gives?

Did my presentation yesterday and knocked it out of the park. Looked at houses at lunch. No luck. Took C to the mall. She got new jeans. Went to bed. 

ANA Y5 D72

Silence

Shortest gap ever. Yesterday was good. I am pre-approved for a house. My boss is now letting me work three days from home until we move. Going to look at a house at lunch.  

ANA Y5 D71

Screaming. It's making up for lost time. I hit a record yesterday. Two FULL days with no screaming. A full 48 hours. Of course now it has a point to prove.

Worked. Meetings. C forgot to take out the chicken so we had a pizza. Said no to the house we looked at Sunday. Two more on the list.