ANA Y5 D13

Silence. Was touch and go for a while though. I woke up a few times during the night. Sometimes they were screaming, sometimes quiet. The weather is dropping by 15-20 today and there is rain on the horizon. The pressure is all over the place.

Yesterday was rough. I had a million things to do and got zero reprieve from my head. Here's a list of everything I did yesterday:

• car service
• grocery store
• put away groceries
• wash towels
• clean kitchen
• clean bathroom
• clean floors
• put away towels
• wash my clothes
• iron for the week
• put away my clothes
• make dinner
• do dishes 

That's probably not even everything I did, but that's still a hefty list. My head screaming the whole time. Around 7 C needed to run an errand and had me drive. I was just on edge the whole time. Everything was over stimulating me. I did somehow manage to record videos. Went to bed around midnight. Today I am doing NOTHING. 

ANA Y5 D12

Back to screaming.

Was awakened at 3am by idiots shooting off fireworks. Tis that season. Morons. 

LONG day yesterday. We ended up not going out. C had a BAD day. I had a boring as fuck day. Second day of vendor proposal/training. All I did all day was sit in a conference room for the last two days that could have 100% been done remotely. The whole point of this was for the vendor to pitch some bullshit software that my boss and I both know is bullshit but the non technical people are all excited about. It's a damn chatbot people, that's it.

We had indian last night. Went to bed. Taking car in for service this morning. Then grocery store. 

ANA Y5 D11

Silence so far

Woke up around midnight to crazy thunder and lightning. Seems to have passed. Yesterday was all day meeting. I will elaborate more tomorrow after today's session. Made salmon for dinner. 

ANA Y5 D10

Scream

The kid's grandpa passed away yesterday. I knew hom since I was 13. That's a long damn time ago. Must have been around 85 or so. Sad.

Was productive yesterday. Got a lot done at work which is good because today and tomorrow I am stuck in all day meetings. Made peanut lime shrimp for dinner. Streamed. Went to bed. 

ANA Y5 D9

Scream

It kicked in yesterday too. During my 4 hour new employee bullshit. 30 people in a room. Forced socialization. Forced activity. It was hell. Pure HR and marketing hell. My social battery was drained after that.

It's hot. Real hot. Not happy. 

ANA Y5 D8

Silent so far

Watched videos. Had leftovers. Went to bed. 

ANA Y5 D7

Scream sigh

Had a productive Sunday. We did yard work together. Did C's laundry. Had pizza for dinner. Recorded some videos for the channel. Took a good nap. Home today, in the office all the rest of the week. Boo. 

ANA Y5 D6

Back to screaming. Oh well.

I had one day of relief and I will take it. Had a very busy day yesterday. Got my hair did. Very happy. We did a new cut and style. I really like it. Did laundry. Cleaned the house. Recorded two videos for the channel. Made char sui pork for dinner. Went on a late night walk. 

I reconnected with my old friend yesterday. He's had a lot of shit happen to him over the years, some good some sad. It was nice catching up. I am glad he is doing well. I am also glad he is supportive of me and my journey. You never know how someone is going to feel about things. Especially when they knew you in your old life. But it was nice. 

Have to do C's laundry this morning. But that's the only task on the horizon. 

ANA Y5 D5

Silence

And maybe I can hold it today. I don't have to drive anywhere except to my hair appointment. Maybe, just maybe I will get a full day of relief. Here's hoping.

Spent the day watching videos and learning software. On my way to a credential in it. The plumber also came. $510. BUT we do appear to finally have hot water again. I took a shower last night and had to turn it down! I am really hoping our problems with water are done. Live streamed. Paid bills. Went to the grocery store. Made burgers for dinner. Was a busy day while doing not a whole lot.

Excited for my hair appointment in 3 hours. 

ANA Y5 D4

Scream

I have said silence a couple days this week when in fact the minute I hit the road it turned into screaming. From the pressure in the car driving to work. I'm fine until about 30 minutes into the drive and then it slowly starts pressurizing and boom. Screaming. I have tried cracking a window. I have tried driving in silence. Nothing has helped. It's the change in climate, the road noise, the stress of going into the office. Today I woke up with it so fuck me.

I reconnected with an old friend yesterday on linkedin. I haven't replied to his message yet, not because I don't want to, more out of making sure I had the time to reply with more than a sentence or two. I don't know what prompted me to reach out in the first place. Maybe me feeling lost lately. I don't know. I need to process a bit. 

I got into it with my new boss a bit yesterday. I was crankier towards hom than I should have been. I have to be in the office Thurs and Fri next week because of some vendor all day training. Something that very easily could be done remotely. This drive is pissing me off and he was unhappy when I said I would WFH on Monday then. He didn't like I was changing my days again. I asked him why did it even matter? "Company policy blah blah blah". Fuck that. 90% of my damn job can be done remotely. I need to be in the office like 2 days a MONTH not 3 a week. I snapped at him a bit about it. But I am WFH from Monday whether people like it or not.

Need to take dog out. Need to pay bills. Need to wait for plumber. Someday I will get a break. Not today.