ANA Y5 D84

Finally silence.

Also finally cool weather. Slept with the windows open last night for the first time in months. Felt good. I need a sweater this morning.

Happy birthday to one of my oldest and dearest friends.

Went to urgent care yesterday. Got antibiotics for the cyst on my back. Did laundry. Kept the dog as inactive as possible to help her llimp. Hoping to get into doctor today. Made pork tenderloin for dinner. Watched a documentary. Had a good Sunday. C's work schedule is fucked because of the upcoming holiday. So she has to work today. Bullshit.

Still nothing on the house. 

ANA Y5 D83

Silence so far

I have a bump on my back. Going to urgent care at 9:30am to see what the hell it is. Did laundry yesterday day. No news on anything.  

ANA Y5 D82

Screaming. Day 6.

Put another offer in on a house. Hoping to hear about it. Listed ours. Got my database at work. Huge milestone on my project. Going to build it out starting Monday. Friend came over, made pizzas together. Had nice night. Laundry and packing today.

ANA Y5 D81

Screaming. Yesterday's silence didn't last either. Turned into scream about an hour in.

My realtor is taking me on a video tour of a house at 11, I told him I am not driving this weekend. But this might be a solid one. It's a flip, and I know what they bought it for back in April. They are looking to make a quick buck and get out. I am having him check specific things and if it passes, we offer low. 

I finally got past a major work hurdle yesterday. I am getting a database today. That changes everything. I am excited to get it all setup.  

ANA Y5 D80

Silence

Went and looked at a house at lunch. Delusional. 212k for something worth 155. Hole in the roof. Seriously. Pre-foreclosure. I'm going to watch it and wait for them to come to their senses. Made burgers for dinner.  

ANA Y5 D79

Silence? What is going on with the pattern? I don't like changed patterns. It's weird. 

Worked. Took my intern to lunch. Made quesadillas for dinner. Going to look at a house during lunch today.  

ANA Y5 D78B

Oh look, the rare and elusive second post in a single day. It doesn't happen often people, bask in it's glory. Why the second post? Because all I did on the drive in today was think and listen to my head scream. I am done. I am so fucking tired of moving forward and nothing changing. I really am doing my best but clearly my best isn't good enough. It never is. I talked to my sister the other day. She was telling me how she's moved back in with our dad. Our stepmom had a stroke and they need the help. He's turned 78 last week and can't manage a 5 acre farm on his own. Here's the catch - she was telling me how there are holes in the walls, mold, areas of the house that need gutting, dry rot, windows need replacing, how neither of them have any teeth left because they have no dental insurance, the list went on. Yet somehow I have never heard her happier. How? Why? WTF? How can you be happy in that? If that is my future, then kill me now. That's no way to live. What's the fucking point? I don't get it. My ideation is through the roof right now. All of this house shit and job shit and everything else is sending me. I can't take it any more. I don't want to take it any more. And if that is where all this is leading me? Then you can fucking have it.

ANA Y5 D78

Screaming

No house for us.

Rethinking everything. 

ANA Y5 D77

Back to screaming. And screaming bad.

In about 12 hours we will find out on the house. I am keeping my expectations low. No use in getting excited for something that hasn't or might not happen. Getting screwed is the story of my life. 

ANA Y5 D76

Silence still.

We are in a bidding war. We will know tomorrow night by 6pm if we got a new house. I spent the day looking, found one, and really like it. I am up against another couple. Sacrifice chickens for us people.

We started packing last night. This needs to happen.