ANA Y4 D312

Still screaming still waiting. Nothing to do but stress. Nothing to do but go insane.

ANA Y4 D311

Scream.

Interview went well but...

They are a huge, old company. There will be at least two more rounds of interviews plus a case study round. Which means this will take weeks. I don't have weeks. I am running out of options. I am running out of money. It's a really good fit too. It's a perfect role for me. I just don't know if I can wait them out.

Made salmon for dinner. Whee. 

ANA Y4 D310

Scream. Which really sucks because I have another interview this morning. I was doing my daily applications and I applied for a job at The Hartford. Within two hours they had reached out for an interview. This is a job right up my alley. Something to get excited about. Director level, fully remote, solid company. I do not want to make a bad first impression. I have got to push down everything going on in my head. I need this fucking job. Like now.

ANA Y4 D309

Scream. It kicked back in around 10am yesterday and hasn't stopped. The mental dread of another monday? The impending doom on the horizon?

We had a slow morning and then headed to C's sister's around 1. Got there a little after 3 as we had to stop twice for the dog. Hung out until 8pm and got home around 10. It was a quiet time just visiting. Nothing exciting.

Please send me all the good vibes this week. I need them. 

ANA Y4 D308

Still quiet. Last night I went to go to bed around 11pm and realized I just wasn't tried yet. Instead I ended up staying up until 1:30am. Best decision ever. I slept HARD and solid. I think that's why silence. Sleep is the one definable factor in all this.

Had hair appointment yesterday. Did laundry. Made chili cheese dogs for dinner.

Visiting C's family later in the day. 

ANA Y4 D307

Silence. Bless. I am noticing a trend in severity. I can almost predict when the silence will come. More data points are needed but I might have some additional clues.

Didn't do much yesterday. Binged a TV show C doesn't care about. 

Hair appointment today. 

ANA Y4 D306

 Still screaming.

 My interview went well. Sadly they have one more candidate to interview next week. Which means I won't be at the top of their minds. I think I did well and hope it gets me the job. We shall see. The drive was okay. It would have been better if it wasn't raining. All I can do is hope and pray. 

ANA Y4 D305

Screaming. Not today. Please god, not today. I am about to leave for my interview in 2 hours. Fuck me.

ANA Y4 D304

Back to the screams. Slept like absolute shit last night. Don't know why. Couldn't fall asleep to save my life. Done with all this. Just want to go away. I want to be done with everything.

ANA Y4 D303

Silence.

Went on a three mile walk yesterday. Taking dog to vet this morning. Two more days until interview.