ANA Y4 D269

We prepared for the worse but we still weren't prepared enough. Our sweet baby is gone. My fears and initial assessment were sadly correct. She had a stroke which was due most likely to a blood clot. It caused her to lose neuro function to her lower half. Her bladder and colon were severely full and impacted. This is why she was leaking urine all over. Even if we had "fixed" that in the immediate, it would have happened again and again because she couldn't control those parts of her body. We had to make the devastating decision based on her quality of life. C was destroyed. I was destroyed. It was gut wrenching and one of the hardest things either of us has ever had to do. If I start thinking too much right now, I am going to break down again. The rest of the day was basically a blur. This is the first time in nearly 30 years there hasn't been a cat in this house. It's weird. I cleaned up everything after we got home so C wouldn't have to do it. It was hard for me, but it would have been worse for her. I don't know what else I can say right now. Let's hope it hurts less today. Rest well sweet baby.

 

ANA Y4 D268

Silence still.

We couldn't get merlot in yesterday. She is cognitive, but not eating, peeing everywhere, and she has lost most use of her back legs. We are going in about 6 hours to the vet. We're hoping for a solution but prepping ourselves for worse case outcome.

Sunday we headed out around noon. On the way C realized she forgot her ear plugs. We stopped at a guitar center on the route. It gave us a chance to explore an area just outside downtown that we both found acceptable. Adds more options when we are ready to move. Got to the hotel a little before three. Because it was a Sunday in Feb, it was dead as a doornail. We got a nice suite on the top floor. Around 4 we went and had an early dinner. Sadly it was snowing all day and it was bitter cold. At 6:15 we walked over to the venue. Poor C was dying from the cold. We got there at 6:45, went straight in. The merch line was insane so we found our seats and then I went back to merch during the opening act. I got her a hoodie for the walk back. Made all the difference in the world. The venue is smaller than than the last one by about half. Even though we were only one row closer on paper, it felt like we were right on top of the stage. It was awesome. Show was incredible. He changed the playlist up slightly from last time too which was cool. Show let out around 10:45 and we walked back. C was wide awake. We found a late night cafe and drove to get a snack around 11:45. Got back to the hotel at 12:30, slept until 4:30 and headed home. The whole time we were stressed and worried about Merlot.

Picked up the dog, took care of things at home, and then she went back to sleep for a few hours. I alas did not. We didn't feel like cooking because of everything and had Korean BBQ for dinner last night. Went to bed at 8:30 as we're up at 4:30 again. She's going into work early allowing her to leave early to meet us at the vet.

Please keep Merlot in your thoughts and send good vibes. 

ANA Y4 D267

Incredible night. Day two of silence. Merlot is not doing well. Waiting for call from vet. More tomorrow.

ANA Y4 D266

Silence. Thank god.

Merlot is not doing better. I am really worried. Concert tonight. But it's being overshadowed by Merlot. I am worried we will come home to a deceased cat. FUCK. 

ANA Y4 D265

I'm up at 4am because of Merlot. She's taken a turn for the worse. Her back legs have seem to given up on her. We have an appointment Tuesday but I don't know if she will make it that long. We can't afford to go to an emergency vet either. My brain and head are both out of control right now.

ANA Y4 D264

I'm going to stop telling you if my head is screaming. Assume it is.

Applied for more jobs. Had a career coach meeting. Made additional changes to my resume to further get it past auto software. She 100% agreed that if I could just get a fucking interview, I could get a job. We were scheduled for 50 minutes, talked for 90. This is my issue. I can sell myself. I can hold my own in an interview. I am just not getting to a human. Pissing me off.

Made fajitas for dinner. Finished season 5 of slow horses. Played games. Two more days until NiN. 

ANA Y4 D263

Scream back. I am wondering if this is neuro and not aural at this point.

Not much yesterday. Went to a webinar on ageism in the job search. Most was common sense to me, but picked up a couple of good things. Have my coach meeting today. Got my first unemployment check. Just a few more days until the concert. 

ANA Y4 D262

Silence is back. I went to bed around 10, slept until 6:15, had solid sleep. Strong dreams. Weather changed again. I was reading yesterday that the rapid melting of snow on Monday released a shit ton of pollution and caused bad air quality. Have to wonder what the correlation is between that and my head.

Didn't find anything worth applying to yesterday sadly. I have hit things to hard too fast and now it is drying up. I will try again today. Made sausage rolls for dinner. Watched tv. Nothing else exciting going on in my life. Just a few more days until NiN part two! Much excite! 

ANA Y4 D261

Scream is back. I had two full days of silence. It was really nice. The weather changed dramatically overnight too which doesn't help things. I am hoping it will fade down a bit today.

Applied for more jobs. Submitted my unemployment. Let's see what comes of that. Nothing else new going on. 

ANA Y4 D260

Silent. I had about 9 hours yesterday and it came back. Let's see if I can go the whole day.

Cleaned. Did laundry. Had pizza for dinner.