Friday, March 20, 2026

ANA Y4 D292

Silence.

Folks, ya girl nailed it! We had a good 40 minute talk, he immediately invited me back for a second round onsite. They reached out and scheduled it 90 minutes after the call even before I could send a thank you email. I go onsite April 1st for 2-3 hours to meet the team. I feel this is mine to lose. Only thing that will break this is salary. We didn't discuss and they didn't list. This is a new role for them so I don't think they have any clue what this should pay. It could go one of two ways. They are unrealistically low, or they need to be ready to pay for someone with my background. We'll find out on 4/1. Until then, I am still applying and will still interview as it comes up.

In sadder news, Agador Spartacus passed away last night. Yes, I am talking about the cat that B took in the divorce. She'd been getting sick and I don't want to go into it right now, but she should have let her go last week. I feel she was being selfish. She didn't want blood on her hands but now she's got it anyway.

I am proud of C as well. She made the first step in getting herself squared away. She had a doc appointment yesterday where she get a formal diagnosis of ADHD and can now see about meds. She knew she was but needed the piece of paper. She really wants to be able to focus so she can move forward with her life and career. It's so nice to have an adult partner who knows what she wants and will actually get off her ass to achieve it.

We're going to a movie tonight. All in all, a pretty darn good week.

Thursday, March 19, 2026

ANA Y4 D291

Today is the day. Day two of screaming of course.

Four hours until interview. Got to get in the shower but I am not getting dressed until 9am. Do not want anything going wrong. Talked to the unemployment office yesterday. Got that all squared away. Hopefully it will be settled. Caught up with former coworker as I had him help me test my teams for today. Very nervous but excited. 

Here goes nothing. 

Wednesday, March 18, 2026

ANA Y4 D290

Head back of course. Weather is freezing outside.

Went to my dentist office yesterday in person to try and negotiate my bill. I am glad I did. They knocked $150 off for me as a courtesy if I paid in full. Done and done. I now owe them nothing and feel better. All it took was polite asking. Can't want more than that.

Made quesadillas for dinner, watched some tv, did laundry. Nothing else going on because it snowed all day and was cold as hell out there. No respite from the weather until the weekend. Meeting with unemployment today, interview tomorrow. 

Tuesday, March 17, 2026

ANA Y4 D289

Good news: head quiet

Bad news:  had bad insomnia last night and was up until 2am. 

Good news: have a real job interview with a real company on thursday.

Bad news: it's an hour away

Good news: it's a hybrid role so I might only have to be in office one to two days a week

More good news: if the pay is good and the company is good, we would consider moving. 

This is my life. Up down all around. Back and forth. All damn day long. 

Monday, March 16, 2026

ANA Y4 D288

Scream

Michigan does not make it easy to collect unemployment. Apparently I messed up something and now they're trying to say I owe them money? WTF? I have to call this morning and put this right. I swear I am not over here trying to commit fraud. I just need to stay afloat until I can land a job. Their money isn't the best but it's keeping us going. Fuck. I am so fucking frustrated right now. I just wanted to make it to retirement. But right now I am not making it anywhere. You wonder why I want to kill myself? 

Sunday, March 15, 2026

ANA Y4 D287

It broke yesterday for a while. Got about 14 hours of peace but it's back.

Got up early yesterday and started a slow cook pork butt. Made brownies. Our friend came over for dinner and we watched a movie. I took dog on walk. Did laundry. Cleaned house. 

Saturday, March 14, 2026

ANA Y4 D286

Day seven. I am done with this shit.

Somehow I fucked up and my unemployment has been suspended. Of course I can't call until Monday so now I get to spend the weekend stressing. I am tired of being alive. I really am. I can't keep going like this. Something needs to give and soon or I am going out back to a tree. Speaking of trees our backyard is littered with broken branches due to 70mph winds yesterday. We lost power for 2 hours and 12 minutes. I had to cook dinner over a butane stove in fading light. That was oodles of fun. Went out at 3:37 and came back just as we finished dinner near 6. Can I just end it all, please? 

Friday, March 13, 2026

ANA Y4 D285

No improvement, no changes, no nothing. I am spiraling but I do have therapy today. I am also going to do an ear drain today to see if that helps. Otherwise, I am still in hell. 

Thursday, March 12, 2026

ANA Y4 D284

Day 6. Fuck this life.

No news on the job front. No news about anything. Life sucks. 

Wednesday, March 11, 2026

ANA Y4 D283

My screaming has moved out of my hears and into my whole head. Fuck my life.

Went to the store. Made dinner. Took dog for walk.