Y3 D261

Repeat of Wednesday. Nothing to really write about. Went and trained the client from 8:30 - 4:30, spent an hour in traffic, ordered a pizza, talked to TGF, went to bed. Nothing of any real excitement happened yesterday. Nobody called me other than TGF. Was even a slow email day. Some work emails on some stuff I need to take care of tomorrow, but that's about it. Even that was small stuff. Send in badges, update docs etc. Not complaining mind you. The less excitement the better. Off for hopefully a repeat today.

Y3 D260

Decent day yesterday. Nothing exciting happening. Left the house around 6:20 to go and train a client. Did have one little moment during training that I new was coming. I had to deal with their boss being cheap and my boss being a hardass. You see, when we do a formal training we provide materials, sample data, etc and we charge on a per seat basis. This is why we offer a 'mentoring' option which is an hourly rate, does not include formal material, and may not be a 8-9 hour day depending on how fast everyone moves through. In this case, the students were told it was a formal training whereas it was a mentoring. One of the students was perplexed as to why they couldn't have a copy of the documentation I was using. I was in that hard place of explaining that they opted to not spend the extra money. Fun.

Trained until about 5 and then met TGF for dinner near her house. She had dance so it was nice to get a minute to see her even if it was only for a short while. Headed home, tumblr stalked for a while, picked the kid up at the train at 9, talked to TGF, went to bed. There it is. Nothing exciting.

Me and TGF talked about Valentine's Day. It's my first one in almost 3 years. While I mock it as does she, I am still getting her something. I got a card for her yesterday and I am thinking of putting together a little gift basket of stuff she likes - the horses she collects, certain food, etc. Then on Tuesday I will cook her dinner just the two of us. Hopefully that will be enough for our first one.

Off to day two of training...

Y3 D259

Went to the post office yesterday and retrieved my letter. It was exactly as I thought, from the IRS. The 'good' news? It's about the house again. The one thing I know I can push back on them about. Look, I acknowledge I owe them 10,000 in taxes from work. No denial there. BUT this house thing? Fuck that. I didn't see a single dime from the sale of that house so for them to claim I took the money and they want a 40,000 share of it? Piss off. On top of that I already paid my accountant $250 for an hour's worth of work to make this go away. He needs to earn his money. This is bullshit. Anyone ever stop to ask if my ex-wife took the money? She could have and I am getting stuck with the bill. I am training all day today, but will fax over tonight the papers to my accountant. Let him deal with this one.

Other than my trip to the post office, stayed in yesterday. Worked on a new client which was a pain because their server is in France and the entire application has been localized. While I know the software pretty well, it made for a challenge having all the dialogs and menus be in French. I struggled a little bit yesterday trying to get things done.

Watched some TV in the evening and went to bed. TGF stayed home yesterday as she had a full day of homework to catch up on. When I talked to her at 9:30 she was almost done from 2 in the afternoon. I didn't want to be a distraction so we only talked for a little while.

I did line up a training gig in Los Angeles in March. It's on a Tuesday and Wednesday so I will go down a day early for a Disney trip. If time allows I will go to the park before and after training. Why not?

Off to do a three day training today. It's 'local' so no biggie but I will get home late because of traffic.

Y3 D258

I am totally on edge this morning. Been this way since yesterday. The letter that is supposed to come didn't arrive yet but will here today and it is definitely from the IRS. I am fucking stressed. Don't tell me not to worry about it either. They can take everything from me those fuckers. They can garnish my wages and leave me with nothing. I am so fucking stressed out it's not even funny. I can't stand the suspense. Just fucking shoot me.

Spent the day at 11 all day. Did laundry. Got some information on a new project which should start today once I get login information but I can't focus. The kid is sick. She has a UTI and had to go to the doctor. TGF came over and I couldn't enjoy her company because I am so worried about what is going to be in that envelope today.

I might not make it through the day.

Y3 D257

The thought of leaving caste is weighing heavily on me. I truly feel like I am not having fun any more and because of TGF I am not welcome any more. That's the hardest part - I refuse to break up with someone who brings me joy because someone else doesn't like them and is pushing me out of the circle because of it. Not to mention I have been ostracized for not doing this last special show that happened. Excuse me for actually having a real job and for not being available. I was kind of 3000 miles away. Sorry if I am not one of your golden children. Then I watch someone else try to sneak in and take over thinking I wouldn't notice. Part of me just wants to tell them go for it. Let's see if you can do any better because I know you can't. I know you will just alienate people and cause more people to leave in the long run.

This is how I spent my day yesterday - thinking about stupid shit that doesn't really matter. I was stressed out all day dreading today. I have something coming in the mail and I am pretty certain it's from the goddamn IRS. I came home to a notice of delivery with signature required. This pretty much always means a letter from them. It's to be delivered today and I am scared to death of what it might say.

Stayed inside yesterday. TGF got up around 9 and we hung out relaxing. She took off around 1 and I spent the rest of the day playing video games and watching Buffy/Angel. That was my day.

FUCK I AM STRESSED OUT. I can't afford to lose anything else. I don't have the energy to fight the government. I have no clue what to do next. Between this, cast issues, work slowing down and some other stuff in my head...

I just want to end it.

Y3 D256

Yesterday was an extremely fucked up, long, annoying, shoot me now because this is fucking horrible day.  I was up for over 24 hours straight with little to no sleep, too many responsibilities, and too much going on.

For the sake of showing WHY it was so long, I am putting everything in terms of my local time zone regardless of where I really was. I got up around 12am PST. My driver showed up on time at 1:30am and we took off to the airport. The drive was pleasant, the driver nice, and no issue getting to the airport. GSP airport is small and efficient and there were no issues from GSP to DFW. I arrived at DFW roughly 5:30am. I was already tired at this point as the flight was extremely bumpy and I was unable to sleep. Spent two hours in DFW waiting for my connecting flight. The flight from DFW home was horrible. I was stuck in the middle of two larger gentlemen and by the time we hit the ground my ass was killing from the thin seat, being twenty minutes late, and having to fold my arms as to deal with armrest wars. By the time I got off the plane I was in no mood for anything. As I was waiting for my friend to pick me up, a fat old bitch of a security woman started yelling at me because I wasn't smoking in the proper area. I didn't make a fuss at first and started walking towards where she wanted me. As I was walking though my friend showed up and I stopped to wait for her. The security woman starts yelling at me again to either put it out or keep walking. I point at the car pulling up at me and she is still yelling "THERE ARE CHILDREN AROUND". What the fuck? I am obviously getting into a vehicle. Frankly would you rather I just get in the car or leave a piece of trash on the ground to protect the oh so fragile children? Bitch. That was just the kind of day I was having.

Got home around 1:45 to find the kid hadn't checked mail while I was gone, failed to clean the kitty litter, didn't give the cat fresh food, didn't take out the garbage, and worst of all had run out of toilet paper and was using paper towels. F. M. L. God only knows what that is going to do the pipes.

She got home a little after I did and I was busy trying to clean. I finally got a chance to sit down and TGF calls. She comes over about 20 minutes later - the only sleep I managed to get - and there was the bright spot of my day. Around 4, the three of us go off to run errands (like buy fucking toilet paper for starters) and we meet up with KBF for dinner. We have a nice dinner. Indian food, fun conversation, and a good time. I really enjoyed dinner. None of us wanted to go to the show because we all knew deep down what was coming.

We headed out around 10 and the minute we got to the theater it was a nightmare. Half the folks were already exhausted from doing the other show at the other theater. Tensions were high, people were tired, and we had to still keep going.

I am just going to summarize at this point:

- get yelled at because my director doesn't like the music I have chosen even though everyone else was liking it and dancing
- get yelled at because TGF was inside 10 minutes too early because she was helping another performer
- get yelled at because someone isn't happy with what cues their girlfriend is doing
- get yelled at because one prop is slightly off center
- get yelled at because a light was 2 seconds off
- get yelled at, get yelled at, get yelled at
- scrape my knee
- cut my hand

I walked out about 3/4s of the way through the show. I was done. I don't need this. I don't need the abuse, the headache, the lack of sleep, the annoyance. I don't need this at all. I actually do have better things to do on a Saturday night. Okay, not really, but still.

I don't know what the fallout is going to be today and I really don't care. I may check out of next week's show because I am tired of it. This is a hobby not a job. I should be allowed to take a night off. I should be allowed to enjoy myself not be stressed out completely. If anything gets heavy today I am resigning. Period.

Y3 D255

I can't wait to get home in 12 hours and take a long hot shower. I don't know if it's my floor or just crappy plumbing but the water here refuses to get above 'tepid'. I need HOT. I am a stickler for a hot goddamn shower. Not lukewarm, HOT. So that is hands down the one thing I am looking forward to later.

Woke up at about 4:30 yesterday and around 5 got a text from TGF. She couldn't sleep for some reason and new I would be up. We talked on the phone for about an hour while I went about my morning stuff. I headed off to teach my class and she tried to sleep before class.

Class went well with the exception of one technical glitch which luckily someone back home was able to fix for me during our lunch break. Saved my hide otherwise class would have been a flop in the afternoon. Called the kid at lunch to wish her a happy birthday. She was having a good morning so far. She was having a breakfast donut when we talked. I finished up the day around 4:30 and headed back to the hotel. She texted me a couple of times as she was having to deal with her pain in the ass grandmother and was not having fun. She hadn't heard from KBF yet which was upsetting her. I am about ready to kill that boy. He needs to learn some goddamn manners and how to treat a woman. I then did something good/bad - I made some texts and had folks wish her a happy birthday. In the end one of my friends came by with balloons and a cake, another took her to the mall, and a bunch sent her messages. I don't know how the evening played out at this point, but I am sure I made things a little better even though she knew I had a hand in it (that's the 'bad' part - that daddy still has to do things). This was her first birthday since moving out and away from all her friends so it was a pretty big deal.

Had some dinner and got back to the room around 8. Talked to TGF for a while then crawled into bed. I tried to sleep but major fail. Ended up watching Justified until 11. I am almost caught up at least. I am exhausted and need to sleep but the car service will be here in 45 minutes. 6am flight to Dallas, then a 10am flight home. Here goes nothing.

Y3 D254

I hate time differences. I am used to waking up on payday and having my paycheck be in the system. But since I am currently in EST instead of PST it hasn't posted yet. Not really a problem other than I need to pay my damn rent and it is due today. I am assuming that I will see it by roughly 8am EST but I will stress until I see it. As long as I get that shit paid today. Otherwise I will get hit with a damn late fee.

Let's see, yesterday...

It went as well as can be expected. I had six people in the class as yesterday was a technical group versus today which is more of the end business users. This is nice because I have had classes where non-technical folk go to both days and end up being frustrated and bored with day one because it is pretty hard core. We spent a good deal of the day having to install drivers on people's machine, fixing IP issues, setting port numbers, etc. Stuff that in a less technical group would have been a problem. It's what happened to me in Arizona 18 months ago. Can you believe it was 18 months ago I went to AZ and met LO? Damn.

But the good thing is the group I had yesterday understood this issue and was for the most part okay with what we had to deal with during class. I had asked the main contact there to meet me wednesday night because I knew these things were going to crop up. Everyone was patient and went with the flow.

I ended up being onsite from about 7:30 until 6pm. One of the longest training days I have had in a while. Today I expect a shorter day. Probably be done around 4 or 4:30.

After class I went back to the same restaurant as Wednesday night. This time I had a nice wine and a burger. Nothing crazy, nothing expensive. Sat at the bar for about two hours nursing my wine and chatting up these two women sitting next to me. They initiated contact and I was polite.

Talked to TGF at one point and I was laughing that she had woken up 1.5 hours earlier and here I was finishing my day. Very odd. She had dance last night.

In big news, it's the kid's birthday today. I need to call her, but it's way too early. I will call her at lunch. For the next five months, she is technically older than my girlfriend. How fucked up is that?

Y3 D253

What a long ass day yesterday. Hit the airport at 4:12am and was there before even security opened. It was a bit amusing standing in the pre-security line - since I had a first class ticket I was in that line and it was nothing but old, fat, balding, white males. My people! We all had that same look of impatience, the same single carryon computer bag, the same on my way to a business meeting look. Of course we also got the same looks of disdain from the people in the regular line. Hey don't like it? Fly a few dozen times a year and you might be in this line on occasion too. Don't blame us for having no lives. It's the only reward we get.

Sat next to a nice guy on my way to Dallas. We talked for a few minutes about the REAL benefits of first class. He like me was a mileage upgrade. It's not about the food or the leg room - no it's about getting through security, boarding first, exiting first, and having enough over head space. THAT'S the real advantage to first class. Everything else is icing. At least for domestic flights and short flights. Long flights where first class still means something is another world. There you get your pods that become real beds, multiple meals, and true amenities. Like my Amsterdam trip. Damn, now that was first class.

Got to Dallas and had two hours to kill. Stepped outside for a smoke since I knew I would have time and when I got back in my gate had changed. Had to run down 15 gates to my new one. Still had plenty of time though. Uneventful flight to South Carolina. Man they have all these tall things here with lots of green on them - oh yeah, trees.

Got car service from the airport to the hotel. Not bad for $35. Was quite relaxing. Unpacked then decided to find some food. I have to say I was truly amazed at what SC has to offer. I found this place called High Cotton and damn. I had the best grits in my life. Plus a decent charcuterie, sweet potato and parsnip soup, and a steak tartare. For dessert, braised pears in vanilla with a walnut brittle. I have to admit I was not expecting food of this caliber. I was thinking it would be down home kind of food and while it had a bit of down home edge to it, it was worthy of being home. Best part is that it's right around the corner from the hotel, not extremely over priced, and good atmosphere. Live music, strong drinks, good food, decent prices. Win.

Got back to the hotel around 9 and tried to sleep. Couldn't so I watched an episode of Justified. I am almost caught back up and ready to watch season three. I also watched some True Blood on the plane yesterday. Still not sure how I feel about that show. Not sure I understand the hype. Although there was a funny line about Buffy in one of the episodes I watched. Heard from N yesterday. Haven't heard from her in a while and I feel guilty for not reaching out sooner. I hope she knows I care about her well being. She is doing okay it seems. Getting her life back on track. Helps to give me hope that I am not the only one who is going through rough shit and slowly getting it back together.

Fell asleep around 11. Off to train in about an hour. Got to put my game face on.

Y3 D252

Small victories. Up too early. Been up since 2:30. Have to leave at 4 for the airport. Flight boards at 5:30. When I went to check in yesterday I had my first class bump. Hence the small victory.

I crunched things and since the garnishment is happening mid-month I can survive. I need a little help but I should be able to convince my  bosses to advance me the small amount. I can still pay my bills and do the things I was planning on doing.

I spent the day prepping for my classes I am teaching this week. TGF came over to spend time with me before I left.

Went to bed at 9, up at 2:30. Leaving soon.