ANA Y2 D4

I may have caused A to have to spend a whole lot of money yesterday. You see any time we buy something, B gets FOMO, envious, whatever, and has to one up us. I honestly don't know if they realize they're doing it. It may simply be, "oh that's a good idea, we should do that too", but on a subconscious level, whatever they do has to be a little better. Make sense? First off, we all remember the infamous "I'm not going to tell you what to do with your money, but I really like this house" incident. Then there was the $10,000 on flooring in the basement. Then all the money spent on making the basement the way they wanted it, then we bought a patio set and they of course had to have a patio set. Of course, ours was $175. There's was $600. Well, yesterday C and I decided to invest in the backyard. We bought a small pool. 15' round, 4' deep. Nothing exciting. $350. That's it. Includes the pump, ladder, cover, etc. Full kit, $350 delivered. From past experience, I would say A is looking at $600+ because they're going to want a pool next. Just watch. Sorry A. Our new pool will be here this weekend and good thing as it's going to be in the 90s. We're housesitting Friday and Saturday, but Sunday I will be sipping a cocktail in my new pool. Suck it bitches.

Did more doc work all day, made a good dinner. Grilled chicken and veggies with homemade slaw. Played some games, had sex, went to bed. We're still doing good on that front for the record. Six times this month. Things have slowed, yes, but it's more in part to C's hormones being screwed up right now. We were discussing it the other night and her levels are half of what they were in Jan. She has an appointment in a couple of weeks. She also has a job interview monday. Proud of her for taking care of that. More on that when it happens.

Nothing exciting today. More doc work, going to make pizzas for dinner.

ANA Y2 D3

The heat has started. I did my best to keep this house between 72-73 without turning on the AC. It kicked in once yesterday and that is it. I have all the doors and windows open right now but the minute the sun comes up, blackout and fans. I will not have a ridiculous bill this year thank you. Because of the heat we stayed inside yesterday. Didn't go anywhere. Just did inside stuff. We had dinner outside however. I grilled kabobs. Not much to report because not much went on. Mostly we're just looking towards the weekend again. Sad isn't? We finish a weekend just to look forward to the next one. It's almost as if working is the enemy of people. Hmm. Nah. That can't be right. Go capitalism. Thank you oh great overlords. Anyway, next weekend we are house sitting for C's sister so I can use someone else's AC. Also it allows us to miss Pride this year. At least the one that everyone keeps fucking asking me if I am going to. I really don't want to be around stupidhead and their lesbian cadre. Nor do I want to be in a large group of people who are potentially going to be shot at. Sorry, I'm funny that way. Today is back to work on stupid shit. Whee.

ANA Y2 D2

Had another "Explore Michigan" day yesterday. On our way to the BBQ we saw some stuff and places we decided to go back and explore more. First stop was a sausage and jerky place which also turned out to be a butcher. We got some good jerky and sausage of course, but then we also got a box of 13 ribeye steaks. It was a bulk deal that saved 40% over the individual steak price. Totally worth it. Gave the freezer downstairs a little bump. Then to a random "gourmet market". That was more of a let down than the first, but at least we got out of the house and did shit. On the way home I went to my first fireworks warehouse store. Holy shit. We got a tiny kit for $75 but they had some upwards of $2000!! It was crazy. The one we got comes with firecrackers, mortar shells, roman candles, m-95s - basically everything that was illegal for me as a child. It was pretty warm yesterday so we closed everything before we left. It still wasn't enough to kick in the AC at one point. Made shrimp pad thai for dinner, played some video games with friends, watched a little tv, lit off a few fireworks, went to bed at midnight. I was too hot and uncomfortable and ended up tossing and turning until 2am. Don't know what we're going to do today, but it probably won't be very exciting.

ANA Y2 D1

Another D1. Every year I go into this hoping it will be less eventful than the prior. I thought for a while things were pretty good and then you know, COVID. Then you know, divorce, transition, new relationship, blah blah blah. I would like a somewhat boring year. Yeah, like that happens to me ever.

Had a fun but long day yesterday. We left the house at 8am and didn't get home until after 9pm except for a 15 minute pit stop after our morning errand. We started off with a hair appointment. The tea was hot at the salon this time around kids. Our wonderful hair dresser broke up with her bf thank goodness. He set of way too many red flags for us when she told us originally about him. While we were gone he created MORE red flags and she was done. Basically it would appear he turned out to be a scammer and a gaslighter. She got out just in time before he started tapping her monies. She is a smart girl for sure. We talked about our trip and a ton of other things. It was a nice time.

After we popped back home real quick to grab the cake I made and some other stuff. We stopped at the store for some beers as well. Yes beers. We then headed off about an hour away to a friends place for a BBQ. We were told there would be around 20 people there. It started technically at noon, and by the time we got there it was almost 1pm. We were the first. WTF? I intentionally didn't rush us so we weren't the first to arrive. The hosts had setup a really nice spread, had everything people could need, and then people flaked. It wasn't until around 3:30 that ONE more person showed. It was 4:30 before a few more did. In the end there were only 11-12 people out of 20 who said they would come. People suck. Well, we had fun regardless. Got to see some folks we hadn't seen in a while, it was a beautiful day outside, we drank, we ate, we laughed. It was a long tiring day. Got home, wound down, and got into bed around 11pm. Poor C is sunburned on one shoulder. Made sleeping tough for her. I will take care of it today.

As for today, nothing planned. A little yardwork, some house cleaning, but nothing crazy.

ANA Y1 D365

Well here we are folks, the dream we all dream of - I survived another year. Another memorial day weekend is up on me. My 14th since I started writing this damn blog. 5000 posts later and I am still standing bitches. Although, this last year there were some touch and go moments. In the past I was afraid I would die because I got too drunk and did something stupid. In this last year it looked like I might actually take my own life. But yet, I made it. Thankfully as I now have something (someone) to truly live for in this world. Now I don't ever want to leave. I need another 40-50 years with her people. I need another 40-50 years as my true self. I will still be writing this shit too people. Mark my words. I will document the whole messy thing called life. Watch me. What a year though eh? My THIRD marriage fell apart. This time not because of me, but more because it was never really there in the first place, now was it. You know what I mean by that. I settled once again like I always did. I swore I would kill to protect what I had. In my many ways I did. But the reality is what I was protecting wasn't my relationship or the person - it was the clawing back up. It was putting this roof over my head. It was defining my life by my rules. Guess what, still here. Still alive. I see how I look at C versus how I looked at B. I have that look that people always say "gosh I wish someone looked at me that way". I didn't even cry at our wedding but I cried at  the look on C's face when she saw me in that dress at the bridal shop. She looks at ME that way too. Is this something magical about her? No, for the first time ever, it's because this relationship has no secrets. Nothing under the surface that I am hiding. I am in this relationship truly as me. I am giving 100% of me to this. It makes a difference. I know I have been given more do overs in my life than any one person deserves and I am grateful for every single one. This is it though. This is my last life. This cat has used them all up. If I fuck up this time around, I'm out of the game for good. I'm done. So yes, I am in this 100%. I started writing about C almost 9 months ago. Yeah, it's been that long. I said if I get another 10 years, blah blah blah. No. I want it all this time. I want the long game. I want the whole package. I am not restraining my feelings or my passions or my desires. I am not idling sitting by quietly. I am not holding my tongue for fear of a fight. I am open, exposed, and raw. I am giving myself 100%. My desire is that in 12 months from now, May of 2024, we will be just shy of 2 years in our relationship, and I will be planning for a wedding. I will be planning to be bonded to someone who also is giving 100%. This last year has ripped back the skin of everything. I thank my therapist for much of that. I also thank B for living their best life. Well, you all know what I mean by that. Because technically I am bankrolling their best life. But you know what I mean. I got out. I truly got out. I didn't so much come out as I blew up the closet I have been hiding in since I was 12 years old. You see it in the 951 pictures I posted of our trip. Which dear reader, if you'd like to see, just email me and I will add you to the share. I am smiling more in these pictures than I have ever smiled in my entire life. Everyone I know who has seen the pictures has said the same thing. "You look happy." "I've never seen you smile like that." Because these last 365 days have been the whirlwind that has brought me here. I went through hell once more. It seems I have a direct path there, doesn't it? But there are no more chances. This time I have to get it right. Sit back, enjoy the ride, and let's do this one more time, shall we?

Yesterday was bills, work, groceries, etc. Made paninis for dinner. Watched some tv. C's stomach was upset and it derailed our other plans, but it's okay. Today we're going to a BBQ and I will be seeing some people I haven't seen in over six months. This should be interesting.

ANA Y1 D364

I just learned that the social security office is literally across the street. Like I pass it every time I leave the house. Why is that important? Because I got some AWESOME news yesterday! I have a date for my hearing!!! Yep. June 14th 8:30am. On that day, barring any weirdness, I will officially have a dead name. I will be my new name! Then, a couple days later, I can request copies of the approved court order, WALK over to the SSA, and get a new social in my new name. Then I can take that to DMV and get a new ID! Then I can get a new passport. With all these, I can then start changing everything that is still in my old name - credit cards, bank statements, fucking Hilton. In 19 days, the old me will truly and forever not exist anymore. How incredible and scary is that?

Spent the day prepping materials for upcoming classes and working on blog posts. It's not much, but it's an honest living. Did you know he died recently? Sad. Made bacon ranch chicken sandwiches for dinner. Watched some tv, played games with friends. Went to bed around 11.

We have a busy holiday weekend ahead of us somewhat. Got the stuff to do.

ANA Y1 D363

It must be getting near summer, I am staying up way too late. Burning the candle hard again. But this time it's not because my wife is out until 2am fucking. It's not because I am crying myself to sleep. It's not because I am unable to sleep because my world is once more upside down. No, this time it's just silliness. It's watching movies on weeknights and not starting them until 9pm because there's too much glare on the tv. Last night was John Wick 4. All three damn hours of it. Oh it was worth every second, but it definitely cut into my sleep time. No lies there. I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Spent the day prepping for my next webinar. Got the demos done and the presentation. This was an easy one luckily. Made fish and chips for dinner. Watched the movie. Today is thursday. Almost a three day weekend. THE three day weekend that set all this in motion 14 years ago. 

ANA Y1 D362

Got up early yesterday to make sure I put in a full day's work before heading to the tattoo shop. Managed to get three more blog posts done, update one more, and prep for some classes in two weeks. I did as I needed to and accomplished my goal. From there, I went off to the shop around 12:15. We started at 1:30ish or so. I had C keep track of actual tattoo time versus waiting time versus breaks. Tattoo artists are not the best time management people. They just aren't. They're artists and geniuses in their own right. So we got inside at 12:50, left a little after six. 5 hours or so, right? Nope. Actual ink time was 4 hours. She charged me for 2.5. Yep. But clearly, I spent the majority of the day there so not much else going on. On the way home we stopped and got grinders from a local shop. My tattoo artist is a HUGE horror buff and we told her about the movies we've been watching and she made many suggestions. We took those to heart, checked what we had in our library, and watched the Conjuring. Nope. Nope. Nope. Shit freaked us out. We had to watch a Phineas and Ferb after to calm us down. Spooky ass shit. Of course there's a sequel. Whee. Went to bed around 11. 

More of the same work stuff today. Nothing else exciting going on. With that, here it is, my completed octopus. He is perfect.

ANA Y1 D361

Up early as I have a tattoo appointment today. Finishing the octopus. Worked on blog posts all day. Finished 8. Had steak sandwiches with leftover roast. Watched a bad movie. Went to bed.

ANA Y1 D360

I am very tired this morning mostly due to some shit happening outside at midnight. We went to bed at a nice normal 10:30 and had the windows open for air. At 11:51pm, we were jolted out of sleep by siren after siren. I can't find anything in the news this morning but some shit was going down. Fire trucks, ambulances, cop cars. The thing is, it's fucking midnight. Who is on the road in suburbia at midnight on a Sunday bitches? You didn't need to be blaring those things full blast like that. I was up for a good hour afterwards thanks to that shit. Argh.

Good day. We went out to the park around 2 for a community day, got in a good 3km walking. It was really nice outside and very enjoyable. Otherwise, we didn't do a whole lot. Got the edge pieces done on the new puzzle. Had a nice roast for dinner. Played some video games. Watched a little tv. All in all, a calm Sunday.

Have to write blog posts today, prep for a webinar next week, finish a class. Busy week. Getting my tattoo finished tomorrow.