I was supposed to get another of sleep dammit. But instead I was awoken by security letting me know our interior truck light was on. Fuck all. Turns out we just left the parking lights on and it lit the back up. Fuck. Well I am up. That was a fun 1/2 hour.
Still in Reno. Didn't finish up until after 2am. Yep.
Yesterday was balls out crazy. I tell people about our Reno shows but they don't get it until they see it first hand. Standing room only. Being treated like rockstars. Hell, we even bumped a Billy Idol sound check one year here. I wish I could have been on cast for that. This is my second Reno show and it was as insane as the first. I was moving people around like mad. And oh hey, I have ANOTHER SHOW IN 13 HOURS. Happy Halloween Motherfuckers.
Spent the day in my room alone on a training class which bummed me out. I kept getting messages from other cast members arriving throughout the day and I was like, no sorry working. At 4 I had to drive the truck over and was alone from 4-6:30 on campus. Didn't help my mood any. THANK GOD the audience changed all that. 16 days until Portland and non-stop sex. I can do this. I can make it. I will be banging like a hammer at a construction site. And the hammer is my penis...
Speaking of that - Disney bought Lucasfilm LTD. Good. Now I can have an Episode 7 directed by Whedon starring Nathan Fillon. Fuck. Yeah.
After the show about 8 of us went and got some food. Four of us did a little gambling after. I lost $21. Whee. That's it. That's my big gambling story.
Time to head home, change, and do one more show. Then two nights off. Thank. God.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Y4 D159
I don't really have much to say today. I am in Reno. Drove up last night with friends. Was nice not having to do the driving for once. Got to sit in the backseat and veg out. We left around 4 and stopped on the way to have dinner with my friend's dad. Quick pizza. It wasn't a bad drive either. With the pizza stop it still only took us about 5 hours.
I didn't do much for work yesterday because I was hungover. No booze last night finally. Nor tonight. Nor tomorrow. Nor the next day...
You see where I am headed with this?
I am a little sad and lonely this morning. I don't know why. I am starting to feel the wanderlust of leaving again though. I need a trip. I need on the road. I feel useful when I am on the road. Not like I am right now, I mean for work. It gives me a sense of purpose.
I don't know. There's a lot of shit bouncing around up there today. None of it makes any real sense. Just like me.
I didn't do much for work yesterday because I was hungover. No booze last night finally. Nor tonight. Nor tomorrow. Nor the next day...
You see where I am headed with this?
I am a little sad and lonely this morning. I don't know why. I am starting to feel the wanderlust of leaving again though. I need a trip. I need on the road. I feel useful when I am on the road. Not like I am right now, I mean for work. It gives me a sense of purpose.
I don't know. There's a lot of shit bouncing around up there today. None of it makes any real sense. Just like me.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Y4 D158
Slept on a strange couch last night. I have been drinking for four days straight now. Still not done. Going to Reno in a few hours for our next show.
Last night was a birthday party in the city. I took the train up and walked to the bar so no driving. I was planning on leaving but once again I got told I could stay on a couch which I did. At least this time I wasn't the only sleeping over. One of my friends was in position to drive so he stayed there too. I wasn't too drunk, just talking until the wee hours. Still made for a long day and a long night.
Here I come Reno...
Last night was a birthday party in the city. I took the train up and walked to the bar so no driving. I was planning on leaving but once again I got told I could stay on a couch which I did. At least this time I wasn't the only sleeping over. One of my friends was in position to drive so he stayed there too. I wasn't too drunk, just talking until the wee hours. Still made for a long day and a long night.
Here I come Reno...
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Y4 D157
How many times will bitches try to cross me before they learn that I know EVERYTHING and where all the fucking bodies are buried? SERIOUSLY. DO. NOT. FUCK. WITH. ME. Shit motherfucker, it was LESS THAN AN HOUR before your shit talking was already my knowledge. ESPECIALLY since you had the fucking nerve to bring my daughter into it. You can say shit about me all day long, but you mention her name and you are fucking dead. Dead. End of story.
So anyway...
I am less than perfect this morning. I got fucked up last night. Not much else to say on that except well, let's see, I made out with one girl whose number is in my phone right now, I got invited to a threesome after the show which I politely declined, and got yelled at for being loud. What a shock there. Actually I got yelled at because I can be yelled at instead of the audience.
I also had my keys taken away last night which was a smart thing.
Spent the day in the house and running errands. Did the show last night which was a sold out full house. Oh man, most of it is a blur, but I was Snow White and I looked good. Damn good. It's pretty fucking amazing I can still get action EVEN DRESSED AS A PRINCESS. That's right. I am that fucking good.
The show went well except for some small audience and people issues that I am dealing with this morning. See paragraph one. Plus my director's co-worker fucked up and he is getting his shit chewed this morning.
Sigh. So much fun. So much drama. But I am okay with it all. It cleared the depression from my head which is good. Now on to Reno...
So anyway...
I am less than perfect this morning. I got fucked up last night. Not much else to say on that except well, let's see, I made out with one girl whose number is in my phone right now, I got invited to a threesome after the show which I politely declined, and got yelled at for being loud. What a shock there. Actually I got yelled at because I can be yelled at instead of the audience.
I also had my keys taken away last night which was a smart thing.
Spent the day in the house and running errands. Did the show last night which was a sold out full house. Oh man, most of it is a blur, but I was Snow White and I looked good. Damn good. It's pretty fucking amazing I can still get action EVEN DRESSED AS A PRINCESS. That's right. I am that fucking good.
The show went well except for some small audience and people issues that I am dealing with this morning. See paragraph one. Plus my director's co-worker fucked up and he is getting his shit chewed this morning.
Sigh. So much fun. So much drama. But I am okay with it all. It cleared the depression from my head which is good. Now on to Reno...
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Y4 D156
One down four to go.
I got up late yesterday but still managed to get work done. I do really hate sometimes sitting all fucking week and then FINALLY when I think I am in the clear BAM a ton of work comes down the pipe. Sigh. Way of the gun.
I did finally talk to my boss. I have been wanting to talk to him all week and he called. I heard all about the client dinner on Monday and how there were people singing my praises which was nice. I also convinced him I needed a weekend out of town to myself that wasn't Disneyland. Hence 11/16-11/18 I am going to Portland. I am taking an adult weekend. No kid, no nobody. I am going to spend two days in a hotel room with SG having sex. Yes, it's a sex filled weekend. Sorry Sis. I will be in Portland and unless you drive down to see me and I am not naked at the time, we will miss each other on this trip. I need a break from ALL responsibilities - cast, work, kid, everything. I want to be an immature idiot and fuck like a rabbit for two days. I need it.
Last night was the first of our two sold out shows in the city. Our Halloween shows ALWAYS sell out. Last night because it was Friday was more relaxed than tonight will be. Tonight is going to be insane. I didn't do a costume last night because we did a special scene where we sneak previewed our costumes for the audience. For the last scene six of us came out in Disney outfits. I have on my Snow White, the kid in her Rapunzel. We also had a Cruella, a Merida, an Alice, and an Esmerelda. The audience loved it. Now tonight, full costume all night. I also did music last night which went over well AND I got to play with the audience with candy. More of that tonight. I have no voice right now though so I have to wrap something around my throat to hopefully get it back. I have 12 hours.
Didn't get home again until 3:30am. My boss did make a smart comment yesterday. He asked when I will be sleeping next. He knows this is our busiest time of year. As long as I don't miss any work, he is cool with everything. I told him I will be available and ready to go. On Tuesday in Reno I will doing a class from the hotel so it works perfect.
I need to go get a manicure now for tomorrow...
I got up late yesterday but still managed to get work done. I do really hate sometimes sitting all fucking week and then FINALLY when I think I am in the clear BAM a ton of work comes down the pipe. Sigh. Way of the gun.
I did finally talk to my boss. I have been wanting to talk to him all week and he called. I heard all about the client dinner on Monday and how there were people singing my praises which was nice. I also convinced him I needed a weekend out of town to myself that wasn't Disneyland. Hence 11/16-11/18 I am going to Portland. I am taking an adult weekend. No kid, no nobody. I am going to spend two days in a hotel room with SG having sex. Yes, it's a sex filled weekend. Sorry Sis. I will be in Portland and unless you drive down to see me and I am not naked at the time, we will miss each other on this trip. I need a break from ALL responsibilities - cast, work, kid, everything. I want to be an immature idiot and fuck like a rabbit for two days. I need it.
Last night was the first of our two sold out shows in the city. Our Halloween shows ALWAYS sell out. Last night because it was Friday was more relaxed than tonight will be. Tonight is going to be insane. I didn't do a costume last night because we did a special scene where we sneak previewed our costumes for the audience. For the last scene six of us came out in Disney outfits. I have on my Snow White, the kid in her Rapunzel. We also had a Cruella, a Merida, an Alice, and an Esmerelda. The audience loved it. Now tonight, full costume all night. I also did music last night which went over well AND I got to play with the audience with candy. More of that tonight. I have no voice right now though so I have to wrap something around my throat to hopefully get it back. I have 12 hours.
Didn't get home again until 3:30am. My boss did make a smart comment yesterday. He asked when I will be sleeping next. He knows this is our busiest time of year. As long as I don't miss any work, he is cool with everything. I told him I will be available and ready to go. On Tuesday in Reno I will doing a class from the hotel so it works perfect.
I need to go get a manicure now for tomorrow...
Friday, October 26, 2012
Y4 D155
I've been up for a while but just now had a break to post. I didn't get home until 3:30 this morning. This begins hell week for me with shows. I will not sleep fully again until Thursday. Show tonight. Show tomorrow. Birthday party on Sunday. Drive 4.5 hours Monday night. Show Tuesday. Drive back 4.5 hours Wednesday morning. Show Wednesday night. Yep.
Had a decent day yesterday. Did some work finally. Then I headed over to my director's house to prep for this weekend's shows. We had to make prop kits. 300+ of them. That's why I was out so late last night. We did have a good time. There was only five us for the most part. We talked about a lot of shit. Got real personal and deep.
And let the marathon weekend begin. GO.
Had a decent day yesterday. Did some work finally. Then I headed over to my director's house to prep for this weekend's shows. We had to make prop kits. 300+ of them. That's why I was out so late last night. We did have a good time. There was only five us for the most part. We talked about a lot of shit. Got real personal and deep.
And let the marathon weekend begin. GO.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Y4 D154
I am starting to feel cranky and the creeping of malaise is settling on me. No explanation other than I am feeling untethered with my work duties this week and it's leading to this feeling of discontent. I did a little work yesterday but not enough to make it worthwhile. The house is still clean though by some small miracle. I don't really have much to say today. I don't feel like talking which is a shock unto itself when it happens. I taste blood in my mouth this morning. That is never a good thing is it? I should probably schedule a physical. Find out if I am dying finally. God dammit. I can't focus. My thoughts are all over and at the same time there's nothing going on up there right now. Work. Home. Sleep. Nothing. Ripped movies. Caught up on OUAT. Whee. Losing it. It so sucks when you feel it coming on. Like a black hole. I just need to get to the weekend. Too much going on this weekend for me to feel sorry for myself. Two shows. A birthday party. Drive to Reno. Pay rent. Pay bills. Focus. Focus. Focus. Upset. Not sure why. Done talking.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Y4 D153
SWORDFISH! Don't ask. Just know that the email thread between one of the now ex cast members and my director went to the strangest place yesterday. It provided hours of amusement for all of us and included:
- Pictures of a swordfish
- Pictures of a sea monster
- Discussion of aliens
- Way too many .........
- Someone showing their lack of education and reliance on drugs to survive
It definitely provided a distraction and stress relief for all of us. We are all twisted because of how many shows we have to do in the next few days and this was a nice way of getting us through things. Yes, it's at the expense of an idiot, but sometimes they leave the door way too open.
Other than that I didn't do much yesterday. I waited for work again. In the afternoon I took the train into the city and met the kid. We were meeting friends for pizza later in the night in the city and hung out walking around. We met up with our friends at 7, had pizza, discussed aforementioned idiot then came home. We were home about 10:30.
I did most definitely find out I am in the friend zone with one woman. Whatever. I am done. I am just going to embrace my aloneness and be happy with it. I am tired. While I am still possibly going out with the other for lunch this week, I don't really feel any passion and I don't want to force something just because. Yes, I want passion dammit. I want to actually FEEL something for someone not just be with them because of society. So fuck it. Be alone. It's easier.
- Pictures of a swordfish
- Pictures of a sea monster
- Discussion of aliens
- Way too many .........
- Someone showing their lack of education and reliance on drugs to survive
It definitely provided a distraction and stress relief for all of us. We are all twisted because of how many shows we have to do in the next few days and this was a nice way of getting us through things. Yes, it's at the expense of an idiot, but sometimes they leave the door way too open.
Other than that I didn't do much yesterday. I waited for work again. In the afternoon I took the train into the city and met the kid. We were meeting friends for pizza later in the night in the city and hung out walking around. We met up with our friends at 7, had pizza, discussed aforementioned idiot then came home. We were home about 10:30.
I did most definitely find out I am in the friend zone with one woman. Whatever. I am done. I am just going to embrace my aloneness and be happy with it. I am tired. While I am still possibly going out with the other for lunch this week, I don't really feel any passion and I don't want to force something just because. Yes, I want passion dammit. I want to actually FEEL something for someone not just be with them because of society. So fuck it. Be alone. It's easier.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Y4 D152
Not much to report today. I caught up on all my expenses and time sheets yesterday. That took a little of my morning but otherwise I sat around all day. There is a conference in Vegas right now and unfortunately we didn't know my schedule so I didn't plan to go. Plus with my show schedule it would have been challenging. But it means that most of my clients and co-workers are in Vegas and I am sitting here without any work. Today I am going to reach at straws and come up with something to do. There is one of the training classes I have been wanting to rewrite and I think I will work on that.
As for shit in the internet - the email war between the now excast member and my director has been keeping me amused. This guy does not know who he is messing with in email. He thinks he is being witty but he is really just coming across as an idiot. It is turning into the biggest cast joke ever. People say smoking pot doesn't cause any problems but when I see someone like this who smokes 5 times a day and see how their social and writing skills have been impacted...
The last debate was on last night. Didn't care. I have reached the age where I realize that no matter who wins at the federal level, the impact to my daily life will be minimal if any at all. Local issues have more impact on me as do state issues. Plus most of the things everyone is focusing on and arguing about in the end are state issues and not federal. Immigration, gay marriage, pot - all state issues at the end of the day. Sure there is federal influence and money, but states control these things.
Man that was a serious poop. Anyway.
There are plenty of policies at the federal level which are important to me, but in the end they don't impact my day to day life and whoever gets elected will deal with Congress and the Senate and it will drag out and yadda yadda. Hence, the debate held little interest. As did the local sports team winning and going off to the World Series. Don't care about that at all.
Went to Target and the mall last night and bought some gloves for me and the kid. Cheap ones to tide us over. It doesn't get that cold here until January. These are just to keep us until then.
Played Diablo, talked to SG, discussed this crazy person with my director, went to bed. Ah my exciting life.
As for shit in the internet - the email war between the now excast member and my director has been keeping me amused. This guy does not know who he is messing with in email. He thinks he is being witty but he is really just coming across as an idiot. It is turning into the biggest cast joke ever. People say smoking pot doesn't cause any problems but when I see someone like this who smokes 5 times a day and see how their social and writing skills have been impacted...
The last debate was on last night. Didn't care. I have reached the age where I realize that no matter who wins at the federal level, the impact to my daily life will be minimal if any at all. Local issues have more impact on me as do state issues. Plus most of the things everyone is focusing on and arguing about in the end are state issues and not federal. Immigration, gay marriage, pot - all state issues at the end of the day. Sure there is federal influence and money, but states control these things.
Man that was a serious poop. Anyway.
There are plenty of policies at the federal level which are important to me, but in the end they don't impact my day to day life and whoever gets elected will deal with Congress and the Senate and it will drag out and yadda yadda. Hence, the debate held little interest. As did the local sports team winning and going off to the World Series. Don't care about that at all.
Went to Target and the mall last night and bought some gloves for me and the kid. Cheap ones to tide us over. It doesn't get that cold here until January. These are just to keep us until then.
Played Diablo, talked to SG, discussed this crazy person with my director, went to bed. Ah my exciting life.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Y4 D151
I know that sometimes I can act like an immature ass but nothing I have ever done comes close to what I witnessed yesterday. In the morning I sent out a message to our cast seeing who could drive the prop van to our show on Friday. I need to work and won't be able to get back and forth in time. The regular guy has Temple on Friday and also won't be able to make it. No big deal right? Well apparently it was to one guy. A 45 year old stoner burnout to be exact. This guy ever since joining cast has been a bit of a creeper. Most of the girls on cast can't stand him. He posts things on Facebook that are just immature and beyond weird to people's statuses. I have deleted my fair share of things he posts. He decided that because I couldn't remember I had asked him to drive the truck that we were all a bunch of assholes and he didn't need us and blah blah blah. He made the bigger mistake of pissing off our directors in October when we have 5 more shows to do in the next 10 days. Plus he did it publicly. Idiot. Needless to say as of 11pm he was no longer on cast. Goodbye and good riddance.
As for me, I spent the day cleaning like a motherfucker. No I mean CLEANING. Like no one is allowed to touch anything for two days cleaning. 4 hours. Cleaned out the pantry. Bleached the bathroom and the kitchen. Cleaned my room. Dusted. Cleaned. Cleaned. Cleaned. SO worth it. It was the majority of may day but man it felt good to wake up to a clean house. Made a nice leg of lamb for dinner with mini sweet potatoes and a salad. Watched an episode of OUAT. I really like that show. I have some issues with it, but it's well acted, well written and fun. Thanks XTGF for turning me on to that. She turned me on to a lot of things. She turned me on. Heh. I am in a good mood this morning it would seem. Even though it's pouring rain outside. Maybe because my house is clean, I didn't do anything inspire wrath, and one less idiot is in my life now?
Heard back from the one woman finally. She was free last night but I was too tired, needed to clean, and wanted to get to bed early. So I begged off. I will send her something today seeing if she is free on Wednesday. Maybe. Let's see how much I have to do this week.
Time to get this day started.
As for me, I spent the day cleaning like a motherfucker. No I mean CLEANING. Like no one is allowed to touch anything for two days cleaning. 4 hours. Cleaned out the pantry. Bleached the bathroom and the kitchen. Cleaned my room. Dusted. Cleaned. Cleaned. Cleaned. SO worth it. It was the majority of may day but man it felt good to wake up to a clean house. Made a nice leg of lamb for dinner with mini sweet potatoes and a salad. Watched an episode of OUAT. I really like that show. I have some issues with it, but it's well acted, well written and fun. Thanks XTGF for turning me on to that. She turned me on to a lot of things. She turned me on. Heh. I am in a good mood this morning it would seem. Even though it's pouring rain outside. Maybe because my house is clean, I didn't do anything inspire wrath, and one less idiot is in my life now?
Heard back from the one woman finally. She was free last night but I was too tired, needed to clean, and wanted to get to bed early. So I begged off. I will send her something today seeing if she is free on Wednesday. Maybe. Let's see how much I have to do this week.
Time to get this day started.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Y4 D150
Home. Oh my god. Home. "Yesterday" didn't end until 4:30 this morning. Got up at 1am PST, left for the airport at 2am PST, posted on facebook I needed a ride home. Had no responses before I boarded, was stressed out no one would be there for me at the airport. Luckily I got my upgrade which at least made the flight home tolerable. Got off the plane and had four messages from one of my friends. He actually drove the 30 miles to the airport from his house on blind faith not knowing if I had a ride already or not. THAT is a friend. That touched me greatly. Got home around 11am and walked into a fly nest. I HATE FLIES. There are still a good dozen alive but I killed about 100 yesterday. For two hours I dealt with flies. I don't know how the kid lived here the whole week. I would have gone insane. The house while not burnt down, was a fucking mess. I will be spending most of my day today cleaning. I am not happy about that. She was at work but she knew when she got home around 2 that she was going to get an earful. Much to her surprise I didn't say anything. Wasn't worth it and I was too tired. I still can't shake this fucking cold and don't have the energy. Her and I ran some errands and my friend came over around 4:30. We then left to get to our other friend's house for a pre-show party. The show last night was a special road show 75 miles from my house. We got out there at 6:30. Almost two full hours because of bridge closures and traffic. We partied, got to the theater, did the show. We left at 3am. LONG night. But a good show. Some mishaps but we did our best. I finally collapsed in bed at 415 this morning. Now to clean...
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Y4 D149
It seems I like small cramped places where I can have my back protected. Something like this should have been obvious to me before now, but it just dawned on my conscious mind last night. Being under desks; being under cars; couches. I think this is why I sleep better sometimes on a couch than on a bed. Sleeping alone on a bed is like being in the middle of the ocean with no one around and no one to catch you when the nightmares take over. On a couch you're safe. You can push your back against it and know you won't fall off the edge of the earth. I slept on the couch in the room last night and slept better than I did all week.
Minus 11-midnight when the loud ass new neighbors got in and decided to fuck with the connecting door. I was ready to kill. All week no neighbor. The one night I have to be up early to get to the airport? Of course.
Finished training yesterday. I am mentally and physically exhausted. People don't get what five day classes are like for me. It's 45+ hours of being a teacher, a mentor, a comedian. On stage all day. I am fucking tired.
My class gave me some solid applause at the end. That's rewarding. Had leftovers. Slept on the couch.
Off to the airport. 5 hours of flight. Then a fucking show tonight 75 miles away from home.
Minus 11-midnight when the loud ass new neighbors got in and decided to fuck with the connecting door. I was ready to kill. All week no neighbor. The one night I have to be up early to get to the airport? Of course.
Finished training yesterday. I am mentally and physically exhausted. People don't get what five day classes are like for me. It's 45+ hours of being a teacher, a mentor, a comedian. On stage all day. I am fucking tired.
My class gave me some solid applause at the end. That's rewarding. Had leftovers. Slept on the couch.
Off to the airport. 5 hours of flight. Then a fucking show tonight 75 miles away from home.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Y4 D148
I feel huge. Ginormous. I need to go back on speedball cocktails - Diet Rockstar, cigarettes and diet pills. 500 calories or less a day. I felt better when I was skinnier. I blame women. Two of them to be specific - the kid and XTGF. Ever since the kid moved in with me it's been three meals a day around the house. I would go three days without a meal before her. Same thing with XTGF. She wanted to eat which meant I ate. Almost nine months of that. Nine months of her. 16 months of the kid. All of that equals too much food. Too much fat. Waddle waddle waddle.
My dragon died yesterday. No pets for me apparently. I am not allowed to have animals that live. At least not the ones I want to have. No mine all day. Food? Temperature? I don't know. I didn't feel like he was eating enough. Will I replace him? Probably not. Get rid of all them. When the rats die I am done. Me and the cat. Full circle. Then she will die and that will be the end of it.
I need to self-destruct. I haven't in a while and it is building up. I feel the pressure. I need to just be unapologetic. I need to say screw the world and do what I need to do.
You know what's ridiculous and ironic? I try to behave. I try to go out on dates with people who are right for me. Women who are 'appropriate'. I go out last week on two dates. They say they had fun. They say they want to stay in touch while I am on the road. They say they are interested. So who do I hear from all week? SG. She's the only one who seems to actually give a shit. Maybe because she can't have me and she wants what she cannot have. Who doesn't? We all do inside. We all want the forbidden fruit. But she at least keeps me going and gives me hope. Makes me feel desirable.
She slipped yesterday. She indirectly told me she loved me. She caught her gaff and tried to backpedal but it's out there now. Because in my own fucked up way I love her too. We both know it's damaged goods. But love is love. And we take it where we can.
I am dying. And not in the Sylvia Plath sort of way we are all dying. I mean my time is coming. I feel it. I feel it in my bones. The body is starting to revolt. The body is getting weaker. Knees. Arms. Stomach. Lungs. I feel them all fighting back finally. You can only abuse for so long before it breaks. But it's better to burn out than fade away. I will die alone. This is not pity or sadness. This is observation. While I may die alone, I will not die unloved. They all love me in one way or another and I them. Some I can never have.
LO who changed my life. XTGF who just wasn't ready for me yet. My Demon Girl who I love. I love her for her independence. Her fire. Her strength. She is ... she is. But that is love unrequited and always will be. Oh to taste that once before I die.
N once told me - you need two women. One to fuck and one to cry on. I am paraphrasing, but it's true. I have issues. No shit right? I have mother issues. Hey watch your mother be beaten for 10 years then die in front of you at 16 and yeah you will have some white knight women issues later in life. What a shock. But then at the same time? I think my mother was an idiot. Allowing herself to have abortions and party and then stay in that relationship. Yes, I have women issues. Reality, what a fucking concept.
At the end of the day, they all try to save me, and love me, and reject me, and ignore me, and then try to save me again. But we know the truth don't we?
And I still believe that I cannot be saved.
My dragon died yesterday. No pets for me apparently. I am not allowed to have animals that live. At least not the ones I want to have. No mine all day. Food? Temperature? I don't know. I didn't feel like he was eating enough. Will I replace him? Probably not. Get rid of all them. When the rats die I am done. Me and the cat. Full circle. Then she will die and that will be the end of it.
I need to self-destruct. I haven't in a while and it is building up. I feel the pressure. I need to just be unapologetic. I need to say screw the world and do what I need to do.
You know what's ridiculous and ironic? I try to behave. I try to go out on dates with people who are right for me. Women who are 'appropriate'. I go out last week on two dates. They say they had fun. They say they want to stay in touch while I am on the road. They say they are interested. So who do I hear from all week? SG. She's the only one who seems to actually give a shit. Maybe because she can't have me and she wants what she cannot have. Who doesn't? We all do inside. We all want the forbidden fruit. But she at least keeps me going and gives me hope. Makes me feel desirable.
She slipped yesterday. She indirectly told me she loved me. She caught her gaff and tried to backpedal but it's out there now. Because in my own fucked up way I love her too. We both know it's damaged goods. But love is love. And we take it where we can.
I am dying. And not in the Sylvia Plath sort of way we are all dying. I mean my time is coming. I feel it. I feel it in my bones. The body is starting to revolt. The body is getting weaker. Knees. Arms. Stomach. Lungs. I feel them all fighting back finally. You can only abuse for so long before it breaks. But it's better to burn out than fade away. I will die alone. This is not pity or sadness. This is observation. While I may die alone, I will not die unloved. They all love me in one way or another and I them. Some I can never have.
LO who changed my life. XTGF who just wasn't ready for me yet. My Demon Girl who I love. I love her for her independence. Her fire. Her strength. She is ... she is. But that is love unrequited and always will be. Oh to taste that once before I die.
N once told me - you need two women. One to fuck and one to cry on. I am paraphrasing, but it's true. I have issues. No shit right? I have mother issues. Hey watch your mother be beaten for 10 years then die in front of you at 16 and yeah you will have some white knight women issues later in life. What a shock. But then at the same time? I think my mother was an idiot. Allowing herself to have abortions and party and then stay in that relationship. Yes, I have women issues. Reality, what a fucking concept.
At the end of the day, they all try to save me, and love me, and reject me, and ignore me, and then try to save me again. But we know the truth don't we?
And I still believe that I cannot be saved.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Y4 D147
The depression started crawling back in last night. I had a decent day at work training so I don't think it had anything to do with that. Plus there wasn't anything out of the ordinary going on work wise or email wise or anything that would have triggered me being depressed. I think it was just the weather out here combined with being tired from training three days in a row combined with the lousy weather. It started to border on tornado again last night. It was grey and rainy all day. I looked outside at one point and it was so dark I thought I was way behind on where the class was supposed to be, but it was just the weather.
After work I went to the big mall in town. It was definitely a mall. Three floors, normal shops. I went there because there was a Disney store and I wanted to see if they had any Chicago pins. No luck. I may try the one downtown tonight or meh, I may just get some food and crawl into the bath. For dinner last night I had leftover pizza. Mr. Excitement. That's me.
Nothing else really on my mind. I am ready to go home.
After work I went to the big mall in town. It was definitely a mall. Three floors, normal shops. I went there because there was a Disney store and I wanted to see if they had any Chicago pins. No luck. I may try the one downtown tonight or meh, I may just get some food and crawl into the bath. For dinner last night I had leftover pizza. Mr. Excitement. That's me.
Nothing else really on my mind. I am ready to go home.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Y4 D146
This is one of those mornings where I am glad the client is across the street and doesn't want to start until nine. I needed the sleep this morning. I had alarms set for 5:30, but slept through them until 6:30. I also think it's this cold that wants me to sleep more and rest my body. Ha! We shall have none of THAT!
Had day two of training. Added three new students to the mix. Had my usual server gaffes which stressed me the hell out completely. I had to have four backup servers brought up instantly. I was completely freaking out. But I somehow managed to keep class on track and we finished at 5:02. Not bad. They brought in Chinese food yesterday. It was okay. I am not really complaining since it was free, but it also wasn't all that.
It was after work the fun started.
I have another client close by here. The ones who do casino work. The ones who can drink even more than me. At least one of the guys. We met up at around 7 for pizza at Gino's East. One of the best deep dish pizzas in all of the Chicago area. I have been looking forward to this pizza for a while. It did not disappoint either. I had a veggie with chicken. Yeah, I know that makes no sense. I wanted the toppings on the veggie but added chicken to it. So there.
One of the guys showed up on time and him and I talked about different things. He is a gamer and we discussed different gaming stuff. They just got bought out by a different gaming group and there is some stress and he was talking about what he wants to do if they decided to let the existing employees go. The other guy was running late and didn't get there until almost 8:15. By then we had already ordered our pizzas and we were halfway done. He ordered a sandwich which helped speed things up. Now, before he got there, I was half ass flirting with the waitress. Nothing exciting but you know, playing nice. When he walks in, he basically tag teams me and HE starts flirting with the waitress. If I lived near this guy, there would be no woman safe. Between the two of us they would be scared to leave the house.
After dinner we decided to sit at the bar as they were open for another 45 minutes. We had a couple of drinks and flirted more with the waitress and asked where we should go next. She told us one place but both the client and I noticed the bartender must have been her boyfriend as she was saying she would come with us and he immediately started texting. Her phone went bloop bloop. They shared that bf/gf kind of 'I don't want to go out with these guys', 'but why it will be fun', 'yeah when they end up taking you home and I don't' kind of look. We got it and split. The original guy decided to head home and me and client 2, headed to the next bar. Shit man, I thought I got some racy text messages. He had one in Houston sending him shit that was even worse than me and SG.
We ended up staying until after 12:30. Long night. I didn't get too silly and we all split the night so I didn't spent too much. About $50 all night which isn't bad. It just was a LONG night. My brain is off to what day and time it is but I made it back in one piece and no one got into trouble. I do know that he was off to either some girl's house or another bar. Crazy as he has a flight to Louisiana at 9 this morning. Love it.
Off to teach.
Had day two of training. Added three new students to the mix. Had my usual server gaffes which stressed me the hell out completely. I had to have four backup servers brought up instantly. I was completely freaking out. But I somehow managed to keep class on track and we finished at 5:02. Not bad. They brought in Chinese food yesterday. It was okay. I am not really complaining since it was free, but it also wasn't all that.
It was after work the fun started.
I have another client close by here. The ones who do casino work. The ones who can drink even more than me. At least one of the guys. We met up at around 7 for pizza at Gino's East. One of the best deep dish pizzas in all of the Chicago area. I have been looking forward to this pizza for a while. It did not disappoint either. I had a veggie with chicken. Yeah, I know that makes no sense. I wanted the toppings on the veggie but added chicken to it. So there.
One of the guys showed up on time and him and I talked about different things. He is a gamer and we discussed different gaming stuff. They just got bought out by a different gaming group and there is some stress and he was talking about what he wants to do if they decided to let the existing employees go. The other guy was running late and didn't get there until almost 8:15. By then we had already ordered our pizzas and we were halfway done. He ordered a sandwich which helped speed things up. Now, before he got there, I was half ass flirting with the waitress. Nothing exciting but you know, playing nice. When he walks in, he basically tag teams me and HE starts flirting with the waitress. If I lived near this guy, there would be no woman safe. Between the two of us they would be scared to leave the house.
After dinner we decided to sit at the bar as they were open for another 45 minutes. We had a couple of drinks and flirted more with the waitress and asked where we should go next. She told us one place but both the client and I noticed the bartender must have been her boyfriend as she was saying she would come with us and he immediately started texting. Her phone went bloop bloop. They shared that bf/gf kind of 'I don't want to go out with these guys', 'but why it will be fun', 'yeah when they end up taking you home and I don't' kind of look. We got it and split. The original guy decided to head home and me and client 2, headed to the next bar. Shit man, I thought I got some racy text messages. He had one in Houston sending him shit that was even worse than me and SG.
We ended up staying until after 12:30. Long night. I didn't get too silly and we all split the night so I didn't spent too much. About $50 all night which isn't bad. It just was a LONG night. My brain is off to what day and time it is but I made it back in one piece and no one got into trouble. I do know that he was off to either some girl's house or another bar. Crazy as he has a flight to Louisiana at 9 this morning. Love it.
Off to teach.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Y4 D145
First day on the ground and I believe it went well. Got up a little later than planned, but was still up with plenty of time. It's nice when the client is just literally around the corner. Got setup and was ready by 8:45. No issues with connectivity (unlike my hotel room which has been dead since last night. Luckily I always carry my own.). Long day. They brought in food. They will be bringing in food all week which is nice. I had 7 yesterday, 9 today and tomorrow, 10 on Thursday and Friday. For lunch we had polish sausage and shaved beef sandwiches. Very Chicago. The class was good. The students kept up. They asked good questions. We ran a little late and I had to rush at the end but they were good with that. We finished up about 5:15 and I was out of there at 5:30. I decided to go look for a bank and made the mistake of getting into traffic. By the time I found the bank I was very cranky. It was only 4 miles from me but because of traffic and getting lost it took like 45 minutes to find. I ended up eating at this place near the bank just because. It wasn't bad. I had a swordfish on a pumpkin ravioli and a caesar salad. Reasonably priced, quiet, and decent. I would go back there if needed.
I talked to my sister last night. She sent me an amusing email yesterday. One of the few people who can make me smile.
Four more days of training. Four more days of the happy face.
I talked to my sister last night. She sent me an amusing email yesterday. One of the few people who can make me smile.
Four more days of training. Four more days of the happy face.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Y4 D144
Let's digress for a minute shall we since yesterday was a travel day and the events themselves don't add up to much more than a few sentences. I woke up at 1am this morning with bad cramps in my stomach. Yay hotel food. But the worse part is that my sleep patterns are already screwed up on this trip. I fell asleep at 9pm CST. Yeah, 7pm normal time. Fun shit. But the worst part was that it caused me to just sit there and ponder way too much.
In the end? You can't change the past. You can't regret the past. You can't mourn the past. All you can do is learn from it, have a decent cry about it, and look towards tomorrow. There hopefully will always be a tomorrow. Hopefully. Unless the Mayans were right then we're all fucked so it doesn't matter anyway.
My second digression is I am actually a little surprised I haven't received any comments from my post the other day. That means either most of you already knew, those that weren't sure received confirmation, or you frankly don't give a shit because you know it doesn't make any difference as I am still the same person you knew. Regardless of which, good. Makes me happy.
Got up yesterday at 3am. My friends who were driving me to the airport showed up at 3:45. I am not used to that. Normally the person who drives me gets there at 4:01. I made them sit because they were throwing off my morning checklist. I have a very precise list of things I go through pre-flight and having people in the house screwed with me.
Got to the airport at 4:17 right on schedule. No upgrade for me. Was 5th on the list. Sucked. Had an aisle exit so I am not complaining. I did manage to sleep almost the whole flight. We left 45 minutes late which threw off things too. Everything yesterday was about being off kilter apparently. Got into Chicago around 1, an hour late. Finally found the rental car shuttle. Have a 2013 Ford Flex AWD fully loaded which is nice. Backup camera, heated seats, nav, etc. Not complaining. The hotel was about 20 minutes from the airport and the client is .4 from the hotel. If it wasn't 4 degrees outside I would walk it this morning, but um no.
When I got to the hotel my room wasn't ready yet, but that was okay. They were upgrading me to a better suite so I was happy to wait. I have a decent suite on this trip. I like staying at the nicer Hilton properties. Here I get an upgraded room plus free breakfast coupons since I have status. I can handle that. While I was waiting the weather outside went nuts. My phone started beeping at me that there was a tornado warning in effect. Excuse me? Tornado?? No no no. This boy does not do tornadoes. Earthquakes fine, but no tornadoes. That was kind of scary. The weather went ballistic. Rain, wind, lightning. The whole ball of wax. Luckily it calmed down 30 minutes later but still had me reeling. I was going to go exploring but no. Stayed in the hotel. Had food here hence my 1am cramps. I relaxed on the couch and read for a while. Fell asleep reading. Was up from 1-2 and back up at 6. This is going to be a fun week. I can tell already.
Side note - Wednesday woman emailed me back. I need names for them... let's see... oh fuck it. You will figure it out. Anyway, she may be busy when I get back but she definitely wants to see me again. I also got a text from Saturday woman. She had a nice time. Still unsure if I am in the friend zone with that one.
Off to work.
In the end? You can't change the past. You can't regret the past. You can't mourn the past. All you can do is learn from it, have a decent cry about it, and look towards tomorrow. There hopefully will always be a tomorrow. Hopefully. Unless the Mayans were right then we're all fucked so it doesn't matter anyway.
My second digression is I am actually a little surprised I haven't received any comments from my post the other day. That means either most of you already knew, those that weren't sure received confirmation, or you frankly don't give a shit because you know it doesn't make any difference as I am still the same person you knew. Regardless of which, good. Makes me happy.
Got up yesterday at 3am. My friends who were driving me to the airport showed up at 3:45. I am not used to that. Normally the person who drives me gets there at 4:01. I made them sit because they were throwing off my morning checklist. I have a very precise list of things I go through pre-flight and having people in the house screwed with me.
Got to the airport at 4:17 right on schedule. No upgrade for me. Was 5th on the list. Sucked. Had an aisle exit so I am not complaining. I did manage to sleep almost the whole flight. We left 45 minutes late which threw off things too. Everything yesterday was about being off kilter apparently. Got into Chicago around 1, an hour late. Finally found the rental car shuttle. Have a 2013 Ford Flex AWD fully loaded which is nice. Backup camera, heated seats, nav, etc. Not complaining. The hotel was about 20 minutes from the airport and the client is .4 from the hotel. If it wasn't 4 degrees outside I would walk it this morning, but um no.
When I got to the hotel my room wasn't ready yet, but that was okay. They were upgrading me to a better suite so I was happy to wait. I have a decent suite on this trip. I like staying at the nicer Hilton properties. Here I get an upgraded room plus free breakfast coupons since I have status. I can handle that. While I was waiting the weather outside went nuts. My phone started beeping at me that there was a tornado warning in effect. Excuse me? Tornado?? No no no. This boy does not do tornadoes. Earthquakes fine, but no tornadoes. That was kind of scary. The weather went ballistic. Rain, wind, lightning. The whole ball of wax. Luckily it calmed down 30 minutes later but still had me reeling. I was going to go exploring but no. Stayed in the hotel. Had food here hence my 1am cramps. I relaxed on the couch and read for a while. Fell asleep reading. Was up from 1-2 and back up at 6. This is going to be a fun week. I can tell already.
Side note - Wednesday woman emailed me back. I need names for them... let's see... oh fuck it. You will figure it out. Anyway, she may be busy when I get back but she definitely wants to see me again. I also got a text from Saturday woman. She had a nice time. Still unsure if I am in the friend zone with that one.
Off to work.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Y4 D143
Tired this morning. Up at 3 to go to the airport. Have to leave in 1/2 hour.
Yesterday was mildly productive. I was up early to check in for my flight and then decided to stay up and get things done. I went to the grocery store and got food to make sure the kid has stuff to eat and that there was stuff when I get back from Chicago. This way I can get home and not trip out that there's nothing to eat in the house.
Took a nap around 12:30 to 2. Kid got home around 3 and we ran to the comic book store. Only 15 more weeks of Before Watchmen and we will have them all. I can't believe we have been collecting those for almost 20 weeks already. Insane.
My friends came over around 4 to take the kid on a driving lesson. Yes she drives, but she is afraid of driving on the freeway. Since I am a lousy passenger and the added stress of me being her dad, we have shied away from me teaching her freeway driving. My buddy and his wife agreed to take her out and he let her drive on four different freeways. According to him she did great. That's good because now she can start driving me to the airport.
I left for my date around 545 and well...
I think I am in the friend zone. But I am not quite sure. I am not sure if it's just that she has too much going on right now for her to even realize I am trying to date her or if I am truly just a friend. Example - this week she has one friend getting a c-section on Thursday to deliver a baby that is already known to have physical deformities and may have mental issues, she is maid of honor in our other friend's wedding on Friday, and she is dealing with catching up on a Chem class she is not doing well in. See? It's like there is so much going on just in this next week that the thought someone is trying to date her is going up and over. I may just ask at some point. But why ruin a good thing... I found out some other stuff last night. I wasn't sure her exact age but now I know and it's cool. She is going to 34 in December which makes me wanting to date her not absurd. I am wondering too if she sees me as too old to date. Ugh. If I ask though I will be probably disappointed as usual.
I did send the woman from last Wednesday an email seeing if she wants to get together when I get back. No response. Which is kind of weird because I didn't think I did anything out line Wednesday nor do I think she is the kind to just ignore. But then again she might be. If I don't hear anything by like Tuesday I will give up. Not going to beat myself up.
Anyway, airport time. Whee.
Yesterday was mildly productive. I was up early to check in for my flight and then decided to stay up and get things done. I went to the grocery store and got food to make sure the kid has stuff to eat and that there was stuff when I get back from Chicago. This way I can get home and not trip out that there's nothing to eat in the house.
Took a nap around 12:30 to 2. Kid got home around 3 and we ran to the comic book store. Only 15 more weeks of Before Watchmen and we will have them all. I can't believe we have been collecting those for almost 20 weeks already. Insane.
My friends came over around 4 to take the kid on a driving lesson. Yes she drives, but she is afraid of driving on the freeway. Since I am a lousy passenger and the added stress of me being her dad, we have shied away from me teaching her freeway driving. My buddy and his wife agreed to take her out and he let her drive on four different freeways. According to him she did great. That's good because now she can start driving me to the airport.
I left for my date around 545 and well...
I think I am in the friend zone. But I am not quite sure. I am not sure if it's just that she has too much going on right now for her to even realize I am trying to date her or if I am truly just a friend. Example - this week she has one friend getting a c-section on Thursday to deliver a baby that is already known to have physical deformities and may have mental issues, she is maid of honor in our other friend's wedding on Friday, and she is dealing with catching up on a Chem class she is not doing well in. See? It's like there is so much going on just in this next week that the thought someone is trying to date her is going up and over. I may just ask at some point. But why ruin a good thing... I found out some other stuff last night. I wasn't sure her exact age but now I know and it's cool. She is going to 34 in December which makes me wanting to date her not absurd. I am wondering too if she sees me as too old to date. Ugh. If I ask though I will be probably disappointed as usual.
I did send the woman from last Wednesday an email seeing if she wants to get together when I get back. No response. Which is kind of weird because I didn't think I did anything out line Wednesday nor do I think she is the kind to just ignore. But then again she might be. If I don't hear anything by like Tuesday I will give up. Not going to beat myself up.
Anyway, airport time. Whee.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Y4 D142
LAST NIGHT IS WHAT I WORK MY ASS OFF FOR AND WHY I DO THE THINGS I DO BABY. Holy fuck what a night. As I put on Facebook (with additions here):
Two tickets to Smashing Pumpkins: $150
Public Transportation for two: $20
3 Hours pre-show in line: Annoying
4 hours at the rail, 300+ pics, an hour of video, and the kid's face when she left with a drumstick? FUCKING PRICELESS.
Worth every fucking blister. Worth every lost minute of sleep. Worth everything because the look on her face coming home at 12:30am last night just summed it up. I may not be worth much as a human being in general, but my fucking kid is happy. And she knows she is loved. She will never end up like my friend who took 100 ativan last weekend and ended up in the fucking hospital almost dying. She will not end up like these other girls looking for sex because she needs love. Fuck no. She will strong, happy, and have nights like last night. It is all I can do and I do it pretty fucking well.
Whole day - up at 4 to test server connections and logins for my training class. Class started at 7. 8 people, 5 from the same company, 2 from other parts, and one from ROMANIA. It was kind of awesome sitting here in pjs and teaching a class with people from all over the world. Fuck yeah technology.
Class ended at about 2:30 and the kid and I headed out. We stopped for lunch, then got to the city and in line about 3:45. We were 13th and 14th in line. As we waited there for 3 hours, we made new friends and it turns out friends of friends who were also at the show. It's a small world. There were about 10 of us in the front by the time the doors were ready to open and we made a pact to get the smaller folks and the younger folks situated at the rail and then we would take turns going to the bathroom etc. We had little small groups of 3 and 4 in case anyone got separated to look out for when we got to the floor. It worked out perfect. We ended up with these two women and one's 16 year old daughter. We got the girls situated in front and then the three of us made a blockade behind them. We only had one incident where this drunk girl tried arming her way in and me and the other woman were like fuck no baby. It turned into a shoving match. I ended up with a drink down my back, the woman's kid got a plastic cup in the face, and the dumb drunk chick? She saw the wrath of a pissed off black mama. Oh no you didn't just throw that at my kid. It was on. Luckily security got there and sent drunk girl off because they had seen us for the last 4 hours. They knew we were sober and cool. That was the only incident until the encores.
The show was AMAZING. Even the opening act, Anberlin, was pretty good. Every one of them had fucking awesome hair. I will say that. Musically they were interchangeable with a half dozen other bands out there today, but it wasn't bad. I would listen to them again.
Then Billy came out. Yay! We were DEAD CENTER at the rail. I locked my arms on that rail, made a buffer zone for the kid, and started taking pics and video. 2 hour set. ALL of Oceania. The entire fucking album. Then they left and came back for the encore. More trouble because all the drunks who were only there to Cherub Rock and stuff like that came pushing forward. I held my ground and punched one guy in the ribs who tried moving me and the kid. I think not drunky mcdrunky. The kid of course was oblivious as was mama bear's kid. She went back with her arm on some drunks and ended up dropping like five people. She was cool. Her friend was the friend of a friend and now we are connected on FB. I liked them crazy bitches. They can run with me any time.
After the encores came the guitar pick tosses and the drumstick tosses. Who got one? My fucking kid that's who. That's what holding your ground gets you. She was waving it like Harry Potter on the way back to the train. All the looks of envy. Suck it. We earned that shit.
Oh man I am still wound up and happy. But that is why I do what I do. What a night. Now to go grocery shopping. And why am I up so early? Had to check in for my flight tomorrow and print my boarding pass. Yeah, I have a date tonight, have to clean house, have to get groceries, etc and then be up at 3 for my flight tomorrow. All worth it. BAMF.
Two tickets to Smashing Pumpkins: $150
Public Transportation for two: $20
3 Hours pre-show in line: Annoying
4 hours at the rail, 300+ pics, an hour of video, and the kid's face when she left with a drumstick? FUCKING PRICELESS.
Worth every fucking blister. Worth every lost minute of sleep. Worth everything because the look on her face coming home at 12:30am last night just summed it up. I may not be worth much as a human being in general, but my fucking kid is happy. And she knows she is loved. She will never end up like my friend who took 100 ativan last weekend and ended up in the fucking hospital almost dying. She will not end up like these other girls looking for sex because she needs love. Fuck no. She will strong, happy, and have nights like last night. It is all I can do and I do it pretty fucking well.
Whole day - up at 4 to test server connections and logins for my training class. Class started at 7. 8 people, 5 from the same company, 2 from other parts, and one from ROMANIA. It was kind of awesome sitting here in pjs and teaching a class with people from all over the world. Fuck yeah technology.
Class ended at about 2:30 and the kid and I headed out. We stopped for lunch, then got to the city and in line about 3:45. We were 13th and 14th in line. As we waited there for 3 hours, we made new friends and it turns out friends of friends who were also at the show. It's a small world. There were about 10 of us in the front by the time the doors were ready to open and we made a pact to get the smaller folks and the younger folks situated at the rail and then we would take turns going to the bathroom etc. We had little small groups of 3 and 4 in case anyone got separated to look out for when we got to the floor. It worked out perfect. We ended up with these two women and one's 16 year old daughter. We got the girls situated in front and then the three of us made a blockade behind them. We only had one incident where this drunk girl tried arming her way in and me and the other woman were like fuck no baby. It turned into a shoving match. I ended up with a drink down my back, the woman's kid got a plastic cup in the face, and the dumb drunk chick? She saw the wrath of a pissed off black mama. Oh no you didn't just throw that at my kid. It was on. Luckily security got there and sent drunk girl off because they had seen us for the last 4 hours. They knew we were sober and cool. That was the only incident until the encores.
The show was AMAZING. Even the opening act, Anberlin, was pretty good. Every one of them had fucking awesome hair. I will say that. Musically they were interchangeable with a half dozen other bands out there today, but it wasn't bad. I would listen to them again.
Then Billy came out. Yay! We were DEAD CENTER at the rail. I locked my arms on that rail, made a buffer zone for the kid, and started taking pics and video. 2 hour set. ALL of Oceania. The entire fucking album. Then they left and came back for the encore. More trouble because all the drunks who were only there to Cherub Rock and stuff like that came pushing forward. I held my ground and punched one guy in the ribs who tried moving me and the kid. I think not drunky mcdrunky. The kid of course was oblivious as was mama bear's kid. She went back with her arm on some drunks and ended up dropping like five people. She was cool. Her friend was the friend of a friend and now we are connected on FB. I liked them crazy bitches. They can run with me any time.
After the encores came the guitar pick tosses and the drumstick tosses. Who got one? My fucking kid that's who. That's what holding your ground gets you. She was waving it like Harry Potter on the way back to the train. All the looks of envy. Suck it. We earned that shit.
Oh man I am still wound up and happy. But that is why I do what I do. What a night. Now to go grocery shopping. And why am I up so early? Had to check in for my flight tomorrow and print my boarding pass. Yeah, I have a date tonight, have to clean house, have to get groceries, etc and then be up at 3 for my flight tomorrow. All worth it. BAMF.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Y4 D141
Nothing like waking up in the morning and sending out 2600 in bills. Whee. But everything is paid except for my car reg which is going to have to wait. It's due at the end of the month so I will deal with it then. It's only the 12th. It is the 12th right? Yep it is. Okay.
Yesterday was shitty for me. Mostly because I was sick. I was also pissed as hell at my client. I drove all the way out there at 6:30 in the morning for one guy to show up at 9, then to tell me oh yeah the two people we need are out today. Fuck me. I was there for like 40 minutes and didn't get back home until 11. Fucking sucked. Especially since I felt like death.
Got home with soup and then did laundry. I got all the laundry done miraculously even though I almost passed out at one point. Once the laundry was done I did in fact pass out for an hour. Unfortunately that's when the kid got home and woke me up. Ugh. I stayed up and had soup and juice and watched x-files with her before she had to go off to work. Then I went back to bed. At 9. Go grampa go.
Speaking of grampas, my dad sent me something yesterday that really pissed me off. An email saying 'Why Californians are Confused'. It was a picture of three people, a police chief, a police officer, and someone who works on the police commission. Apparently all of California is confused because two of these people are trans and one is a lesbian. Yes, that's the whole issue right there, because I know in your state father there are no gay, lesbian, or tg persons. Nope, just a whole state of happy gender perfect heterosexuals. Yep. And if there were any lgbt in your state well gosh no would you let them hold jobs. Oh no, you would put them in the salt mines where they belong gosh golly. Fucking moron. This was especially poignant since yesterday was national coming out day. How would he have felt if I had simply replied back - You know, I am TG. Would he have stopped talking to me? Or am I just confused? Do I need Jesus?
And yes, there, I said it out loud in this blog for the first time in four years. I am TG. Although I dislike that term because it is too vague. I prefer the term 'dual gendered' which is a newer term and is more descriptive of what I am. See I don't suffer from gender dysphoria. I have no issues with my physical gender nor do I have any interest in changing it. I am definitely heterosexual as well. Hey, you've been reading me for four years, you know how I am on that front.
But at the end of the day, I do enjoy and like things that are identified with a different physical gender. I like clothing, fashion, makeup, jewelry, shopping, etc. All those things normally associated with the female gender. Therefore in order to make society happy, if I wish to enjoy my love for those things, I must change my full outward appearance to adapt. It's quite annoying actually. If a woman wants to cut her hair short, not wear makeup, and wear tennis shoes, no one automatically assumes she is a man or thinks she is gay. If however, I want to wear a pair of heels or put on makeup. I must be gay. Unless I fully change my appearance to be that of a woman. Then I get all sorts of other shit for it and I still get assumed to be gay. My gender and my sexuality are not the same. Nor should they be. As one meme puts it, some girls have penises, deal with it. Also I am not a drag queen. That is another big misunderstanding about things. Drag queens ARE typically gay men who are either doing a parody of the female form by being over the top or an homage if you will to female celebrities, etc. Drag queens ARE over the top. They do it for show not because they have a genuine interest in the things they are wearing/doing - usually. There are those who are TG and use being a female impersonator as a means of expression. These are usually not gay either. Also these can be persons who do suffer from dysphoria and have a longer plan to undergo FFS and SRS. Neither of which interest me. No my thing is more mental than physical.
After writing all that. If I have somehow 'changed' in your mind and you don't want to read any more, bye. For the rest of you, I am still me. Nothing has changed. If you have any questions, well you know how to reach me.
Yesterday was shitty for me. Mostly because I was sick. I was also pissed as hell at my client. I drove all the way out there at 6:30 in the morning for one guy to show up at 9, then to tell me oh yeah the two people we need are out today. Fuck me. I was there for like 40 minutes and didn't get back home until 11. Fucking sucked. Especially since I felt like death.
Got home with soup and then did laundry. I got all the laundry done miraculously even though I almost passed out at one point. Once the laundry was done I did in fact pass out for an hour. Unfortunately that's when the kid got home and woke me up. Ugh. I stayed up and had soup and juice and watched x-files with her before she had to go off to work. Then I went back to bed. At 9. Go grampa go.
Speaking of grampas, my dad sent me something yesterday that really pissed me off. An email saying 'Why Californians are Confused'. It was a picture of three people, a police chief, a police officer, and someone who works on the police commission. Apparently all of California is confused because two of these people are trans and one is a lesbian. Yes, that's the whole issue right there, because I know in your state father there are no gay, lesbian, or tg persons. Nope, just a whole state of happy gender perfect heterosexuals. Yep. And if there were any lgbt in your state well gosh no would you let them hold jobs. Oh no, you would put them in the salt mines where they belong gosh golly. Fucking moron. This was especially poignant since yesterday was national coming out day. How would he have felt if I had simply replied back - You know, I am TG. Would he have stopped talking to me? Or am I just confused? Do I need Jesus?
And yes, there, I said it out loud in this blog for the first time in four years. I am TG. Although I dislike that term because it is too vague. I prefer the term 'dual gendered' which is a newer term and is more descriptive of what I am. See I don't suffer from gender dysphoria. I have no issues with my physical gender nor do I have any interest in changing it. I am definitely heterosexual as well. Hey, you've been reading me for four years, you know how I am on that front.
But at the end of the day, I do enjoy and like things that are identified with a different physical gender. I like clothing, fashion, makeup, jewelry, shopping, etc. All those things normally associated with the female gender. Therefore in order to make society happy, if I wish to enjoy my love for those things, I must change my full outward appearance to adapt. It's quite annoying actually. If a woman wants to cut her hair short, not wear makeup, and wear tennis shoes, no one automatically assumes she is a man or thinks she is gay. If however, I want to wear a pair of heels or put on makeup. I must be gay. Unless I fully change my appearance to be that of a woman. Then I get all sorts of other shit for it and I still get assumed to be gay. My gender and my sexuality are not the same. Nor should they be. As one meme puts it, some girls have penises, deal with it. Also I am not a drag queen. That is another big misunderstanding about things. Drag queens ARE typically gay men who are either doing a parody of the female form by being over the top or an homage if you will to female celebrities, etc. Drag queens ARE over the top. They do it for show not because they have a genuine interest in the things they are wearing/doing - usually. There are those who are TG and use being a female impersonator as a means of expression. These are usually not gay either. Also these can be persons who do suffer from dysphoria and have a longer plan to undergo FFS and SRS. Neither of which interest me. No my thing is more mental than physical.
After writing all that. If I have somehow 'changed' in your mind and you don't want to read any more, bye. For the rest of you, I am still me. Nothing has changed. If you have any questions, well you know how to reach me.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Y4 D140
Yep. I'm sick. Fuck me in the ear. And I am about to start a few days of non-stop too. Of course. Can't have it any other way now can we? Today onsite at a client all day, tomorrow teaching a class from 7-3, then Smashing Pumpkins, saturday I have to get ready for my trip and then a date Saturday night. Finally Sunday I go to Chicago. I can't believe I am looking forward to being on the road to have a relaxing week.
I did NOTHING yesterday except sit at the computer and wait. Royally sucked ass. Especially since I felt so awful. Got the kid at the train station around 3:30 and then had her drop me off downtown. The universe was really screwing with me. My date was going to be there between 5:15 and 5:30 and I got there about 4:45. While I was there it was me, the bartender and FOURTEEN women. Only three of which had on rings. Seriously? 11 'available' women and I have a date. Bad universe.
God I just got a bad head rush.
Anyway, date arrived about 5:25 and we stayed until almost 8. We had a couple drinks each, some appetizers, and some good conversation. We will be seeing each other again it looks like. She looks very much like the redhead, Miranda, from Sex and the City. A nice person. Cute but not over done. Age appropriate. Job. Car. Condo. No red flags yet. Let's see how it goes.
Got home around 8:30 and tried to watch Supernatural. For some reason it's not in my list of available shows to download with the app I use. Pisses me off. I tried using the OTA antenna but the signal wasn't strong enough. Sucks. I hope to find it today so the kid and I can watch it before I leave.
Time to work. Ugh.
I did NOTHING yesterday except sit at the computer and wait. Royally sucked ass. Especially since I felt so awful. Got the kid at the train station around 3:30 and then had her drop me off downtown. The universe was really screwing with me. My date was going to be there between 5:15 and 5:30 and I got there about 4:45. While I was there it was me, the bartender and FOURTEEN women. Only three of which had on rings. Seriously? 11 'available' women and I have a date. Bad universe.
God I just got a bad head rush.
Anyway, date arrived about 5:25 and we stayed until almost 8. We had a couple drinks each, some appetizers, and some good conversation. We will be seeing each other again it looks like. She looks very much like the redhead, Miranda, from Sex and the City. A nice person. Cute but not over done. Age appropriate. Job. Car. Condo. No red flags yet. Let's see how it goes.
Got home around 8:30 and tried to watch Supernatural. For some reason it's not in my list of available shows to download with the app I use. Pisses me off. I tried using the OTA antenna but the signal wasn't strong enough. Sucks. I hope to find it today so the kid and I can watch it before I leave.
Time to work. Ugh.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Y4 D139
I'm getting sick. All the running around from the weekend caught up to me. I felt like shit all day yesterday. Scratchy throat, stuffy nose. Fuck. This is not the time to be sick. I have a date tonight and I managed to make another one for Saturday night. Then I have to travel Sunday. No being sick. No.
I didn't do jack yesterday. I sat at the computer waiting for someone to give me things and nothing came through. I fucking hate that. Had leftovers with the kid. Watched Once and an Xfiles and went to bed. Mostly because I felt and still feel like crap.
Blah.
I didn't do jack yesterday. I sat at the computer waiting for someone to give me things and nothing came through. I fucking hate that. Had leftovers with the kid. Watched Once and an Xfiles and went to bed. Mostly because I felt and still feel like crap.
Blah.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Y4 D138
Yesterday was kind of boring which isn't a bad thing. After the non-stop fun of the weekend, a slow day was definitely needed. I did some work, not a lot, but enough to keep me under the radar of anyone which is all I want this week. On Friday I am teaching a class and all next week I am out so this week to be invisible is perfect.
Some of you asked why I don't go to work for Disney. First off, there's no guarantee they would hire me. Yes, they do have a department that specializes in exactly what I do, but whose to say they have open positions. But the bigger concern is the uprooting of my life. I am stuck right now until the kid decides what she is doing. And she is stuck right now until she hears back on the college program. That one thing could change things for both her and me. If she gets accepted, then I may consider applying at Disney. It would be a big thing for my bosses but it would be important for me. Also though, what about the people in my life here? Am I willing to pull up roots again? It's only been 3 years since I moved. Back and forth it seems I go.
I posted a ton of pictures yesterday from our trip. Between the four cameras we had going, I have over 450 pictures total from this last trip. I posted probably about 50-60 of them. In total there were about 9 of us who went this weekend and we all have mutual friends. It was like Disneyland barfed all over Facebook yesterday. The fun part was all of my friends wondering who a couple of the people in some of the pictures were. Especially the one who I was with at Mad Tea Party. Who's she and why is she in your pictures as if we don't know the answer already.
What? Can I help that sometimes I am the alpha male? No. No I cannot. So there.
Around 5 I made a phone call. I talked to this woman whom I met on OKC. We had emailed each other last week and she had said we should chat to get to know each other. Great - facebook messenger? Gtalk? Text? KiK? No, here's my number CALL me. Huh? Actual voice communication? Wha??? We ended up talking for an hour and have a date Wednesday night. Nothing fancy, just drinks. I have to be onsite at a client on Thursday possibly so it will be just drinks and nothing crazy. She is an executive coach focused on teaching public speaking and public presence skills. She used to run a theater company and decided to see if she could apply her acting and directing skills to the business world through executive leadership workshops. In essence she is trying to create people a little like me. People who are in the business world but have some flair and excitement about them. Kind of cool. She was very passionate about her work when discussing it on the phone last night. Hopefully she can talk about other things just as passionately.
Cleaned out my closet last night and reorganized. I got rid of a few things. Not a lot, but at least now things are grouped together better. I have been wanting to do that for a while. Next up are the dresser drawers. Especially the t-shirts.
Hit bed around 10. Not a bad come down day.
Some of you asked why I don't go to work for Disney. First off, there's no guarantee they would hire me. Yes, they do have a department that specializes in exactly what I do, but whose to say they have open positions. But the bigger concern is the uprooting of my life. I am stuck right now until the kid decides what she is doing. And she is stuck right now until she hears back on the college program. That one thing could change things for both her and me. If she gets accepted, then I may consider applying at Disney. It would be a big thing for my bosses but it would be important for me. Also though, what about the people in my life here? Am I willing to pull up roots again? It's only been 3 years since I moved. Back and forth it seems I go.
I posted a ton of pictures yesterday from our trip. Between the four cameras we had going, I have over 450 pictures total from this last trip. I posted probably about 50-60 of them. In total there were about 9 of us who went this weekend and we all have mutual friends. It was like Disneyland barfed all over Facebook yesterday. The fun part was all of my friends wondering who a couple of the people in some of the pictures were. Especially the one who I was with at Mad Tea Party. Who's she and why is she in your pictures as if we don't know the answer already.
What? Can I help that sometimes I am the alpha male? No. No I cannot. So there.
Around 5 I made a phone call. I talked to this woman whom I met on OKC. We had emailed each other last week and she had said we should chat to get to know each other. Great - facebook messenger? Gtalk? Text? KiK? No, here's my number CALL me. Huh? Actual voice communication? Wha??? We ended up talking for an hour and have a date Wednesday night. Nothing fancy, just drinks. I have to be onsite at a client on Thursday possibly so it will be just drinks and nothing crazy. She is an executive coach focused on teaching public speaking and public presence skills. She used to run a theater company and decided to see if she could apply her acting and directing skills to the business world through executive leadership workshops. In essence she is trying to create people a little like me. People who are in the business world but have some flair and excitement about them. Kind of cool. She was very passionate about her work when discussing it on the phone last night. Hopefully she can talk about other things just as passionately.
Cleaned out my closet last night and reorganized. I got rid of a few things. Not a lot, but at least now things are grouped together better. I have been wanting to do that for a while. Next up are the dresser drawers. Especially the t-shirts.
Hit bed around 10. Not a bad come down day.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Y4 D137
Made it home in one piece about 7pm last night. Left around 7am. We had to stop on the way in the kid's old town because it was her mother's birthday on Saturday and if we didn't stop we would have never heard the end of it. We rolled in there about 10 and the kid hung out with her mother and her friends. My friends and I went off exploring downtown and hanging out. We had a blast on our own little adventure which included wanting to save a waitress with dead eyes, talking to a crazy lady whose daughter is involved with a man from San Quentin, finding a stripper clothing store, and antiquing. I know, right? We got back on the road around 2 and there was a ton of traffic which took us about an hour longer than normal to get home. But we finally got here.
All in all, this weekend was a success. I am very happy right at this moment. I spent way too much money, drank too much Saturday, and ate way too much all weekend. But I am still happy. I was meant to live that kind of life. I by that I mean one of joy. One where I can feel relaxed, feel like myself, and just be happy.
I brought home about 50 pins on this trip. I am so close to 1000 pins. I figure by the end of the year I should hit it with no problem. Heck, if I order another 100 traders off eBay that will probably knock out 10-15 right there.
I need to seriously reconsider a couple things. I would like to stay working for my current company because of all the small advantages I get from them, but at the same time? I wouldn't mind moving down to Anaheim and working for Disney. Part of it is the kid. I need to know what she is doing with her life. If she gets accepted into the Disney college program then things might change. She will be gone for a good six months and it might be the right time for me to make a change. We shall see what happens in the next few weeks.
All in all, this weekend was a success. I am very happy right at this moment. I spent way too much money, drank too much Saturday, and ate way too much all weekend. But I am still happy. I was meant to live that kind of life. I by that I mean one of joy. One where I can feel relaxed, feel like myself, and just be happy.
I brought home about 50 pins on this trip. I am so close to 1000 pins. I figure by the end of the year I should hit it with no problem. Heck, if I order another 100 traders off eBay that will probably knock out 10-15 right there.
I need to seriously reconsider a couple things. I would like to stay working for my current company because of all the small advantages I get from them, but at the same time? I wouldn't mind moving down to Anaheim and working for Disney. Part of it is the kid. I need to know what she is doing with her life. If she gets accepted into the Disney college program then things might change. She will be gone for a good six months and it might be the right time for me to make a change. We shall see what happens in the next few weeks.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Y4 D136
Wow. What a day. Way too many mad teas. I have never been that loopy at DCA. Oh and that girl. What was her name? She looked like Lindsay Lohan when she was still hot. Twenty something. Freckles. Hair. Tongue down my throat on the back lot. Oh yeah. It was that kind of day and night.
We started off nice and slow at Carthay Circle for lunch. Lots of Pimm's Punch. INCREDIBLE food as before. I had the most wonderful live and onion salad. We then wandered DCA, went on the carousel drunk, had margaritas, wandered around downtown disney, then mad tea party started. From there it's a blur. Everyone was hitting on everyone. We made new friends of all ages, sexes, and persuasions.
Got back to the hotel around 1. Now we are off to see the kid's mom. Ugh.
We started off nice and slow at Carthay Circle for lunch. Lots of Pimm's Punch. INCREDIBLE food as before. I had the most wonderful live and onion salad. We then wandered DCA, went on the carousel drunk, had margaritas, wandered around downtown disney, then mad tea party started. From there it's a blur. Everyone was hitting on everyone. We made new friends of all ages, sexes, and persuasions.
Got back to the hotel around 1. Now we are off to see the kid's mom. Ugh.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Y4 D135
I think yesterday might have been in fact one of the greatest days of my life. I could have died last night and frankly died a happy man. To pick up from yesterday, we got into town around 5:30, stopped at Denny's as we do and the fun started there. We got over to the hotel about 6:30 just to ask if we could leave a couple bags and park the car in the lot. The guy behind the counter looked up my account and typed a couple things and was like 'you know what, I have your room ready. You're a valued customer, let me just check you in now.' Eight hours earlier than check in normally is. Nice. That was a perfect way to start this trip. That gave us time to relax a little, unpack, etc. We headed over to the park around 8 and went into DCA for our princess breakfast. INCREDIBLE. Two of the people with us have never done the breakfast and watching them was the highlight of my day. We then walked around DCA, rode rides, wandered.
Around 1 we headed back to the hotel and everyone slept for a bit. We started getting into our costumes around 3:30. Everyone LOOKED AMAZING. The looks on people's faces when Esmerelda, Snow White, Rapunzel, and Alice all stepped out of the elevators was wonderful.
We met two of our friends downstairs and the six of us drove over to the park. From the minute we hit the parking lot we were celebrities. Not to mention ALL the other people already in costume. Technically the Halloween party didn't start until , but they began handing out wristbands at 4. We were able to go in at 4 with our costumes on. To our little lineup we added Jessica Rabbit and Mr Smead.
I can't count the number of times I/we had our picture taken last night. I know I am all over the internet this morning. Don't care. At 7 the lights went down and the party began. Trick or treat lines. Villains. Special Lighting. Special music. Special everything. My friend and I every few minutes had to look at each other and go 'We're in Disneyland. Trick or Treating. For Halloween. IN COSTUME'. I think we rode more rides last night because of all the Halloween theme then in our last visit. I even forego pin trading. Didn't care. I was having so much fun. You could FEEL it in the air. It was incredible.
It was a cult last night that's for sure. We were ALL brain washed. And we LOVED it. We were happier than clams in mud. We were all together. I know I saw at least one other person with tears in their eyes last night when they just looked around. We had small children waving at us. Adults wanting their picture with us. Cast members who are my friends LOVED my outfit. I had three different ones go nuts when they recognized me. And for the record the only way they knew it was me was by my voice. We were there until midnight and decided to WALK the mile down the street to our hotel. Why? Because we were still so high on happiness we didn't car. The honks and waves we got walking back made us smile even more.
We hit the hotel around 12:30am and the desk clerk who was the same guy from the morning almost had a heart attack when HE saw us. He gave us all water and told us how incredible we looked.
Best. Day. Ever.
Of course someone TRIED to ruin it with texts about their stupid show tonight. Blaming me for lack of people checked in. Blaming me for cue sheets not being ready. Guess what? Not tonight baby. I am too fucking happy right now. De-lete.
Oh and guess what? Time to go back...
Around 1 we headed back to the hotel and everyone slept for a bit. We started getting into our costumes around 3:30. Everyone LOOKED AMAZING. The looks on people's faces when Esmerelda, Snow White, Rapunzel, and Alice all stepped out of the elevators was wonderful.
We met two of our friends downstairs and the six of us drove over to the park. From the minute we hit the parking lot we were celebrities. Not to mention ALL the other people already in costume. Technically the Halloween party didn't start until , but they began handing out wristbands at 4. We were able to go in at 4 with our costumes on. To our little lineup we added Jessica Rabbit and Mr Smead.
I can't count the number of times I/we had our picture taken last night. I know I am all over the internet this morning. Don't care. At 7 the lights went down and the party began. Trick or treat lines. Villains. Special Lighting. Special music. Special everything. My friend and I every few minutes had to look at each other and go 'We're in Disneyland. Trick or Treating. For Halloween. IN COSTUME'. I think we rode more rides last night because of all the Halloween theme then in our last visit. I even forego pin trading. Didn't care. I was having so much fun. You could FEEL it in the air. It was incredible.
It was a cult last night that's for sure. We were ALL brain washed. And we LOVED it. We were happier than clams in mud. We were all together. I know I saw at least one other person with tears in their eyes last night when they just looked around. We had small children waving at us. Adults wanting their picture with us. Cast members who are my friends LOVED my outfit. I had three different ones go nuts when they recognized me. And for the record the only way they knew it was me was by my voice. We were there until midnight and decided to WALK the mile down the street to our hotel. Why? Because we were still so high on happiness we didn't car. The honks and waves we got walking back made us smile even more.
We hit the hotel around 12:30am and the desk clerk who was the same guy from the morning almost had a heart attack when HE saw us. He gave us all water and told us how incredible we looked.
Best. Day. Ever.
Of course someone TRIED to ruin it with texts about their stupid show tonight. Blaming me for lack of people checked in. Blaming me for cue sheets not being ready. Guess what? Not tonight baby. I am too fucking happy right now. De-lete.
Oh and guess what? Time to go back...
Friday, October 5, 2012
Y4 D134
I am at Disneyland already. The hotel let me check in 8 hours early. Nice. Yesterday for the most part sucked balls.
Partially because of that phone call but also because I woke up to 15 messages from my back east client. There was a production issue and of course I needed to help solve it AT 5:30. I spent all day dealing with that.
Long story short, slept for a few hours, left for Disneyland at 11:40. Anything else is irrelevant.
Partially because of that phone call but also because I woke up to 15 messages from my back east client. There was a production issue and of course I needed to help solve it AT 5:30. I spent all day dealing with that.
Long story short, slept for a few hours, left for Disneyland at 11:40. Anything else is irrelevant.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Y4 D133
All I wanted was a good week. All I wanted was a simple straight forward day. Things were going so well. I was wearing pink, it was October 3rd. Disney trip right around the corner; Supernatural premiere night. I found a bunch of new show episodes on the feeds. It was a GOOD FUCKING DAY AND NIGHT until...
Somebody always has to go and start drama. Someone always has to take something the wrong way and drag me into the fucking middle of it all.
Back up...
The day was going great. I had everything packed and ready to go for tonight. I did some work and I played on the internet. The kid had a date which went AWESOME for her. They are going to see each other again last night. I got a message from someone on OKC and we are chatting now. We had friends over last night to watch Mean Girls and Supernatural. It was a great day.
But then. Then it ended in drama because people don't know how to act like adults. Because people take Facebook posts way too fucking seriously. Because people can be cruel. I went to bed at 1 after an hour and six minute phone argument. I don't want to talk about it. All I know is that my mood is shot and things are not good right now in my head because of all this. All it took was one person to shit on my parade. Yay life.
Somebody always has to go and start drama. Someone always has to take something the wrong way and drag me into the fucking middle of it all.
Back up...
The day was going great. I had everything packed and ready to go for tonight. I did some work and I played on the internet. The kid had a date which went AWESOME for her. They are going to see each other again last night. I got a message from someone on OKC and we are chatting now. We had friends over last night to watch Mean Girls and Supernatural. It was a great day.
But then. Then it ended in drama because people don't know how to act like adults. Because people take Facebook posts way too fucking seriously. Because people can be cruel. I went to bed at 1 after an hour and six minute phone argument. I don't want to talk about it. All I know is that my mood is shot and things are not good right now in my head because of all this. All it took was one person to shit on my parade. Yay life.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Y4 D132
Another bad night. It was just too damn hot. I couldn't get comfortable, couldn't keep cool enough. Had a fan blowing on me and the window open but I was dying. I went to bed around 10:30 but at midnight gave up and got up for a while. Just kind of wandered around the house. Too fucking hot.
Yesterday wasn't a bad day. I did some work, ripped some DVDs, etc. Nothing exciting. When the kid came home we went out and got KFC because I did not feel like cooking. Also I wanted the leftovers. I don't want to go grocery shopping until we get back from Disneyland.
After dinner it was still hotter than hell so we went over to the mall and walked around. I needed a new pair of shorts for this weekend. With her discount I got a decent pair for $25. I also got shoes for Friday night for my costume.
That was it. We came back, watched some TV while she did homework.
I did hear back from my Coffee Date - hereby known as.... um... Coffee? I don't know I will come up with something better later. Regardless, she had a good time too and we are going to go to dinner next week. It has to wait until next week just because of both of our schedules. That gives me something to look forward to now. The kid has her date tonight. She is doing sandwiches and ice cream in the city. I hope she has fun.
I think I disappointed my sister yesterday without meaning to do so. I mentioned I am thinking about traveling in November up her way. She got excited and thought I meant Thanksgiving. Sorry kiddo. I travel enough during the year that I am not going to put myself directly in the path of novice travelers and try and go on Thanksgiving week. No way. I am trying to also see if I can get a project up that way and combine a work/pleasure trip so someone else can pick up the bill. While I would love to see people over the holidays, the other part of me just wants to hide away from the idiots during the holidays. Not family idiots, well my dad, I mean more traveling idiots.
I am trying to also arrange at least one more project before the end of the year. I need 4,000 damn miles. That's it. So close...
Yesterday wasn't a bad day. I did some work, ripped some DVDs, etc. Nothing exciting. When the kid came home we went out and got KFC because I did not feel like cooking. Also I wanted the leftovers. I don't want to go grocery shopping until we get back from Disneyland.
After dinner it was still hotter than hell so we went over to the mall and walked around. I needed a new pair of shorts for this weekend. With her discount I got a decent pair for $25. I also got shoes for Friday night for my costume.
That was it. We came back, watched some TV while she did homework.
I did hear back from my Coffee Date - hereby known as.... um... Coffee? I don't know I will come up with something better later. Regardless, she had a good time too and we are going to go to dinner next week. It has to wait until next week just because of both of our schedules. That gives me something to look forward to now. The kid has her date tonight. She is doing sandwiches and ice cream in the city. I hope she has fun.
I think I disappointed my sister yesterday without meaning to do so. I mentioned I am thinking about traveling in November up her way. She got excited and thought I meant Thanksgiving. Sorry kiddo. I travel enough during the year that I am not going to put myself directly in the path of novice travelers and try and go on Thanksgiving week. No way. I am trying to also see if I can get a project up that way and combine a work/pleasure trip so someone else can pick up the bill. While I would love to see people over the holidays, the other part of me just wants to hide away from the idiots during the holidays. Not family idiots, well my dad, I mean more traveling idiots.
I am trying to also arrange at least one more project before the end of the year. I need 4,000 damn miles. That's it. So close...
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Y4 D131
I slept like complete and utter shit last night. I am up way late because of it. I ignored every alarm I had set. Why? Too fucking hot. I see these people in other parts of the country all excited because "OH MY GOD! It's Fall!! Warm sweaters! Cocoa! Blah blah blah!". For me? October 1st. 102. Yeah. Fuck you. I have decided that wear I live there are actually four seasons - Hot, Not Hot, Wet, Not Wet. And they overlap and come and go as they see fit. Yesterday was a Hot. I could not get comfortable, I could not fall asleep. It sucked ass. Which really sucks because I had a pretty good day yesterday.
Got up and jumped into waiting for work. I sat and waited patiently. I did finally get a list of things that need to be done, but not until 3. I will double up on things today to make up for it. A friend came over around noon to pick up some stuff he left here on Saturday. He mentioned he was looking for a new card game and we took a walk over to the game store. That was actually fun. I picked up a new game myself which I might bring with us to Disneyland to play while we are in the hotel. Came back and waited for more work.
At about 4 the kid came home. We talked for a little while and then I went out on a coffee date. Yep, you read that right. I had a coffee date last night. It was really nice. I met her at a local coffee shop around 6:40 and we stayed until almost 8. A perfect 'let's see if we can spend any time together' kind of thing. We both actually had tea, not coffee but the point was the same. On the way home I grabbed some Chipotle and got home around 8:40. The kid and I watched some TV until about 10 and that's when I TRIED in vain to sleep.
Some side notes from yesterday - I am lodging a complaint with my rental office today. Yesterday when I went to get my mail it was all jammed into the box. My mail was torn and shredded in places. Normally I wouldn't care because it's usually junk mail and this isn't the first time it's happened, but in this batch were letters from Disney and a legal letter for the kid (nothing major just a lawsuit happening against her employer that she doesn't have to really worry about). It's the Disney one that pisses me off. The corners of the book they sent me are all fucked up. I took a picture and will be complaining to my local post office as well.
Second, SG is back. She is back at school some 650 miles away but that ain't stopping her. No sireebob! She must have sent me a 1000 horny texts yesterday. Sexting at its best kids. She wants me to come visit her. I might in November. Visit family too.
Unless I have another date with this other person and it turns into something... Cross your fingers...
Got up and jumped into waiting for work. I sat and waited patiently. I did finally get a list of things that need to be done, but not until 3. I will double up on things today to make up for it. A friend came over around noon to pick up some stuff he left here on Saturday. He mentioned he was looking for a new card game and we took a walk over to the game store. That was actually fun. I picked up a new game myself which I might bring with us to Disneyland to play while we are in the hotel. Came back and waited for more work.
At about 4 the kid came home. We talked for a little while and then I went out on a coffee date. Yep, you read that right. I had a coffee date last night. It was really nice. I met her at a local coffee shop around 6:40 and we stayed until almost 8. A perfect 'let's see if we can spend any time together' kind of thing. We both actually had tea, not coffee but the point was the same. On the way home I grabbed some Chipotle and got home around 8:40. The kid and I watched some TV until about 10 and that's when I TRIED in vain to sleep.
Some side notes from yesterday - I am lodging a complaint with my rental office today. Yesterday when I went to get my mail it was all jammed into the box. My mail was torn and shredded in places. Normally I wouldn't care because it's usually junk mail and this isn't the first time it's happened, but in this batch were letters from Disney and a legal letter for the kid (nothing major just a lawsuit happening against her employer that she doesn't have to really worry about). It's the Disney one that pisses me off. The corners of the book they sent me are all fucked up. I took a picture and will be complaining to my local post office as well.
Second, SG is back. She is back at school some 650 miles away but that ain't stopping her. No sireebob! She must have sent me a 1000 horny texts yesterday. Sexting at its best kids. She wants me to come visit her. I might in November. Visit family too.
Unless I have another date with this other person and it turns into something... Cross your fingers...
Monday, October 1, 2012
Y4 D130
Not a bad day yesterday. Got up super late which was okay as I really had nothing going on. The kid got home around 1 and I finally managed to shower around 2. Her and I took off on a little adventure. We went to a Disney store we didn't realize existed in a mall we didn't realize existed. That was fun as it was a beautiful day out and the drive took us through the hills and we were outside for a bit. I know I went outside on a Sunday. Go figure!
We got home around 5:30 and the kid informed me that her dumbass was coming over to help with a school project. She is feeling very superior right now about him but I don't think that will last. Although she does have a date in two days...
I played some Diablo while they worked on the project and then went to bed around 10.
Just a few more days and I will be back in the park...
We got home around 5:30 and the kid informed me that her dumbass was coming over to help with a school project. She is feeling very superior right now about him but I don't think that will last. Although she does have a date in two days...
I played some Diablo while they worked on the project and then went to bed around 10.
Just a few more days and I will be back in the park...
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