You know what the worst thing in the world to have is? Hope. The thought that there just might be a fucking chance that the universe for once is going your way. The stupid idiotic childish thought that you might be getting somewhere. Hope that you possibly could make your life better. What a fucking joke. Hope is a killer. You see a light at the end of a fucking tunnel and the universe says to you "bitch you know it's a train. why you even trying?".
What has brought on this wonderful attitude. Well it turns I and the realtor who recommended it to me, misunderstood the 203k loan. So yes, those of you who thought I was reading it wrong and tried to correct, congratulations, you were right. I was talking with the mortgage lender yesterday and after 16 back and forth emails, he explained to me clearly what needs to happen and the bottom line is I still need the 3.5%. So unless I can magically pull $10-15k out of my ass, this isn't happening. Not in this fucking year.
And then, X1 has the fucking nerve when I explain to her how she misunderstood it, to tell me that I need to budget, watch my spend, and not let the dream go! Fuck you. Fuck dreams. Fuck hope. I am the world's whipping boy. I am Sisyphus. And the fucking rock ain't going to push itself up the fucking hill. I am Prometheus. Time to grow a new liver, the eagle is hungry.
Yes universe, I will learn my place and stop having any semblance of moving beyond my pile of shit.
No comments:
Post a Comment