I have slept really well the last few nights. I don't know if I can pinpoint it to anything I have been doing differently or any difference in my mental state, but for the last week or so with the exception of pass out Thursday, I have been sleeping well. It's about goddamn time. Maybe it's the new job, maybe it's the new commute because I am walking 2 miles a day I am more tired, who knows. Who cares. As long as I can finally be normal in my sleep again.
Had a great day yesterday. Got up in the morning and rearranged some furniture in anticipation of the child being here. I was able to get the one couch out of her room and into mine. This allowed me to move her dresser out of the closet as well as her hamper and I moved a nightstand into her room where I set up her sewing machine. I haven't told her any of this and I hope she likes it.
After that I headed to the city with a friend. He has lived here almost 2 years but has spent no time in the city. We didn't do normal tourist things though. First we started at this ice cream which has been on a number of tv shows and is the serious straight up bomb. I had their 'Secret Breakfast' (bourbon & cornflakes) and the 'Harvey Milk & Honey'. He had the Peanut Butter Curry with Blueberry Boy Bait. From there we went downtown and spent the next 5 hours going into every store that was open. We even paused for lunch where we had chocolate malted cheesecake with marshmallow meringue and malted croutons. Best part is besides a thing of bubble bath, lunch, and the ice cream, I didn't spend any money. I tried on at least 50 things, but was good on all of them and said I have to think about it. Got home around 6:30, watched a little tv while finishing my leftover salad from lunch, and went to bed.
Perhaps that's part of it - I have been forcing myself to go to bed a little earlier some nights. I was in bed by 9:30 last night. I didn't fall asleep until 10:12, but I was in bed at least.
Off to work for one day as tomorrow is the kid's graduation!!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Y3 D4
I just realized last night that it was almost exactly four years ago to the day that I was having surgery on my Achilles. How insane is that? Four years ago. I was 240 lbs, almost 100 heavier than I am now, my wife just coming off of surgery of her own, just moved into a new house, started a new job, and having my leg sliced open. Amazing how much can change in four years. Am I happier? Am I sadder? Are things really different? Yes, yes, and yes. I think I am a better person now than I was then. I think I am a lot more lonely these days, but also much better at realizing when things are wrong and acting more appropriately instead of just shoving booze down my throat.
Here it is Memorial Day. Honestly it doesn't mean anything to me personally. I am thankful for all soldiers who gave their lives to defend our country, but I have never lost anyone in the military, nor served myself. It is a day off work and that's about it.
So what did I do yesterday...
Big fat nothing is about it. The laundry machine here at my apartment which you use to buy credits has been down since Saturday and I haven't been able to get laundry done which is driving me up a wall. I am hoping it will be fixed before I have to go out of town on Wednesday afternoon. Reality check -- in three days my little girl graduates from high school and moves in. Whoa. Mind blower.
Did a little grocery shopping and I do mean a little as I don't want things going bad while I am out of town. Had a steak for dinner with some cottage cheese and a baked potato. Watched some movies on netflix -- Wild at Heart. Don't care what anyone says, loves me some Nicky Cage. Oh the biggest thing I did yesterday was organize my books ONCE MORE on my Kindle. But this time I decided to go at it a little differently. Before copying the files over, I am organizing them on my computer, loading them in the desktop Kindle application and making sure the names and everything are clean. I want to finish that up this morning to have it ready for the week. I am supposed to go shopping with a friend today in the city, let's see if that happens. As of right now, I am not motivated enough to really do anything.
Here it is Memorial Day. Honestly it doesn't mean anything to me personally. I am thankful for all soldiers who gave their lives to defend our country, but I have never lost anyone in the military, nor served myself. It is a day off work and that's about it.
So what did I do yesterday...
Big fat nothing is about it. The laundry machine here at my apartment which you use to buy credits has been down since Saturday and I haven't been able to get laundry done which is driving me up a wall. I am hoping it will be fixed before I have to go out of town on Wednesday afternoon. Reality check -- in three days my little girl graduates from high school and moves in. Whoa. Mind blower.
Did a little grocery shopping and I do mean a little as I don't want things going bad while I am out of town. Had a steak for dinner with some cottage cheese and a baked potato. Watched some movies on netflix -- Wild at Heart. Don't care what anyone says, loves me some Nicky Cage. Oh the biggest thing I did yesterday was organize my books ONCE MORE on my Kindle. But this time I decided to go at it a little differently. Before copying the files over, I am organizing them on my computer, loading them in the desktop Kindle application and making sure the names and everything are clean. I want to finish that up this morning to have it ready for the week. I am supposed to go shopping with a friend today in the city, let's see if that happens. As of right now, I am not motivated enough to really do anything.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Y3 D3
Really fun day yesterday. Started off with a positive surprise - I went to meet my friend for a manicure downtown and I had to stop at the bank because the place we went to was cash only. I wasn't expecting to get paid until Tuesday but lookie there, my paycheck was in and about $500 more than I expected. Nice! We had a nice time at the manicure shop; I had mine done in purple/black crackle since we had a show last night. I ended going to show in as Alex Delarge from Clockwork Orange just for the hell of it. The full eye makeup, a perfect hat, my cane, etc, and the dark nails just finished the look.
After our manicure we went and had chinese food where she ened up picking up the whole bill. WOW, thank you! Wasn't expecting that. Better still, my fortung? "Fight for it. You will come out on top." Nice. I don't know what I am fighting for this time, but ok. Before lunch I had gone to my co-heads house and loaded up the car with props so that was already taken care of for the day. I got home around 1:30 and there was a note from FedEx that my new Kindle was waiting in the office. Score again! Loaded the old one up and ran to the UPS store to send it back. 2:30 and done until 9. Nap time!
Got up around 4 and made some food for my peeps for the show. I made them grilled pineapple with brown sugar and cardamom. Then I injected each piece with BBQ sauce and topped it off with homemade cardamom whipped cream. Then I made myself dinner, turkey burger with cottage cheese. Then I proceeded to spend an hour plus doing the Clockwork makeup. My eye came out PERFECT. My friend showed up around 8 and we headed up to the show around 9. We had a good show; not fantastic, but a good solid show. We also learned that in October we may have an EXTRA show at a museum. They want us to put on different scenes in different rooms like exhibits. The hard part is it will be the Thursday before Halloween which means we will probably end up doing 5 shows back to back. Who cares, it's fun, dammit.
Went for pie and got home around 4:30. Slept for about 5 hours. Today? Nothing. Nada. Zip. Laundry and loading up the new Kindle.
After our manicure we went and had chinese food where she ened up picking up the whole bill. WOW, thank you! Wasn't expecting that. Better still, my fortung? "Fight for it. You will come out on top." Nice. I don't know what I am fighting for this time, but ok. Before lunch I had gone to my co-heads house and loaded up the car with props so that was already taken care of for the day. I got home around 1:30 and there was a note from FedEx that my new Kindle was waiting in the office. Score again! Loaded the old one up and ran to the UPS store to send it back. 2:30 and done until 9. Nap time!
Got up around 4 and made some food for my peeps for the show. I made them grilled pineapple with brown sugar and cardamom. Then I injected each piece with BBQ sauce and topped it off with homemade cardamom whipped cream. Then I made myself dinner, turkey burger with cottage cheese. Then I proceeded to spend an hour plus doing the Clockwork makeup. My eye came out PERFECT. My friend showed up around 8 and we headed up to the show around 9. We had a good show; not fantastic, but a good solid show. We also learned that in October we may have an EXTRA show at a museum. They want us to put on different scenes in different rooms like exhibits. The hard part is it will be the Thursday before Halloween which means we will probably end up doing 5 shows back to back. Who cares, it's fun, dammit.
Went for pie and got home around 4:30. Slept for about 5 hours. Today? Nothing. Nada. Zip. Laundry and loading up the new Kindle.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Y3 D2
First off let's solve the mystery from yesterday. The person in the shower was a friend who was also too drunk to go home. That's it. Sorry for the let down. I knew I couldn't get her home and the person who drove me couldn't either because it would have been major back tracking for them so she stayed the night. In the other room. She is married and on cast with me. Her husband is currently in Canada on a project and he too is my friend so nothing happened, nothing will ever happen, and it was an innocent thing.
Yesterday was a useless wasted day and I think I may have given the wrong vibe at work. But on the other hand, I think I gave the vibe I wanted to give. I made it one week without anyone knowing a damn thing about me, not seeing my piercings, not knowing what I do for fun, etc. On that hand I met my goals for the week as odd as those goals were.
Got to work around 8:15. Took the train together with my friend which was nice as it made the ride a lot quicker. She works near me up there and this is the first time our schedules aligned where we could take the train together. Got into the office and finally got to meet my new boss. I showed him what I had been able to accomplish with the product during the four days and he was very impressed. He then showed me some things that I had questions on and it helped a ton. Then came the fucked up part of the day...
We were scheduled to have a company meeting from 10-4 and it was rumored we would be doing some team activity. No one knew if that meant onsite, offsite, etc. The only people who knew were the CTO and the office manager as she had to arrange everything. We first did a boardroom meeting going over the quarter and the direction; standard stuff. Then at 11:30 we go downstairs and all 35 of us, yes I counted, the company is actually a little smaller than I was led to believe, but I am okay with that, and got into a chartered bus.
We then head to a bowling alley. Yep. A bowling alley. Here I am one of two people not in jeans (the other being the CEO), with a hangover, going to a bowling alley. Now here's the thing -- I can only bowl occasionally like once a year because of my finger. After about three frames it pops out. It hurts like a motherfucker when that happens and it takes days for me to recover. I was not about to have that happen at a work function. Also, my fucking head was splitting. AND since this was week one, I was about to drink in front of my co-workers. I could have easily gotten trashed and bowled which would have masked the pain if my finger popped, but I didn't. Instead I sat quietly at the counter watching everyone. I would have read but oh wait, the new Kindle they sent me? Fucking died yesterday morning. Amazon is sending me a new one and gave me a $20 credit on my account, but it still sucked because I had no kindle and my phone died around noon. FML. Seriously.
After the first half hour of 'oh you don't bowl' and me politely saying no thank you to the deep fried food from hell which I wouldn't eat, and explaining how I can't bowl due to injury, most people left me alone. That's why I am worried I sent the wrong message. I was trying to be polite and stick with the group and be there, but it was clear that I was bored and the 'alone guy'. Some people chatted with me in between turns, but you know how it is. I did have an interesting conversation with the director of training; she was starting to get buzzed. Oh and btw most of the sales/marketing douchebags were drinking like fish and getting louder and more obnoxious with each passing minute. Anyway, the conversation I had with the DoT was essentially me saying how I was kind of private person (a nice lie, right?) and she repleid with 'I forget sometimes when you work at a small company that it seems like everyone is family, but as the company grows, people are going to be more private'. Bingo. She nailed it right there. She nailed what I don't what -- everyone knowing everything about me. For right now, I may be the quiet, odd duck, but I will take that over the drunken idiotic fool any day. As long as I do my job and I do it well, nothing else matters.
We got back to the office around 4:30 and I headed down to the train. Came home, grabbed some groceries and had swordfish, sliced tomatoes, and a shrimp cocktail for dinner. Was very nice. Watched an old movie, Hellraiser, and went to bed.
Tonight is a show and I am having lunch with a friend downtown. Might even do laundry today. Let's see how I feel.
Yesterday was a useless wasted day and I think I may have given the wrong vibe at work. But on the other hand, I think I gave the vibe I wanted to give. I made it one week without anyone knowing a damn thing about me, not seeing my piercings, not knowing what I do for fun, etc. On that hand I met my goals for the week as odd as those goals were.
Got to work around 8:15. Took the train together with my friend which was nice as it made the ride a lot quicker. She works near me up there and this is the first time our schedules aligned where we could take the train together. Got into the office and finally got to meet my new boss. I showed him what I had been able to accomplish with the product during the four days and he was very impressed. He then showed me some things that I had questions on and it helped a ton. Then came the fucked up part of the day...
We were scheduled to have a company meeting from 10-4 and it was rumored we would be doing some team activity. No one knew if that meant onsite, offsite, etc. The only people who knew were the CTO and the office manager as she had to arrange everything. We first did a boardroom meeting going over the quarter and the direction; standard stuff. Then at 11:30 we go downstairs and all 35 of us, yes I counted, the company is actually a little smaller than I was led to believe, but I am okay with that, and got into a chartered bus.
We then head to a bowling alley. Yep. A bowling alley. Here I am one of two people not in jeans (the other being the CEO), with a hangover, going to a bowling alley. Now here's the thing -- I can only bowl occasionally like once a year because of my finger. After about three frames it pops out. It hurts like a motherfucker when that happens and it takes days for me to recover. I was not about to have that happen at a work function. Also, my fucking head was splitting. AND since this was week one, I was about to drink in front of my co-workers. I could have easily gotten trashed and bowled which would have masked the pain if my finger popped, but I didn't. Instead I sat quietly at the counter watching everyone. I would have read but oh wait, the new Kindle they sent me? Fucking died yesterday morning. Amazon is sending me a new one and gave me a $20 credit on my account, but it still sucked because I had no kindle and my phone died around noon. FML. Seriously.
After the first half hour of 'oh you don't bowl' and me politely saying no thank you to the deep fried food from hell which I wouldn't eat, and explaining how I can't bowl due to injury, most people left me alone. That's why I am worried I sent the wrong message. I was trying to be polite and stick with the group and be there, but it was clear that I was bored and the 'alone guy'. Some people chatted with me in between turns, but you know how it is. I did have an interesting conversation with the director of training; she was starting to get buzzed. Oh and btw most of the sales/marketing douchebags were drinking like fish and getting louder and more obnoxious with each passing minute. Anyway, the conversation I had with the DoT was essentially me saying how I was kind of private person (a nice lie, right?) and she repleid with 'I forget sometimes when you work at a small company that it seems like everyone is family, but as the company grows, people are going to be more private'. Bingo. She nailed it right there. She nailed what I don't what -- everyone knowing everything about me. For right now, I may be the quiet, odd duck, but I will take that over the drunken idiotic fool any day. As long as I do my job and I do it well, nothing else matters.
We got back to the office around 4:30 and I headed down to the train. Came home, grabbed some groceries and had swordfish, sliced tomatoes, and a shrimp cocktail for dinner. Was very nice. Watched an old movie, Hellraiser, and went to bed.
Tonight is a show and I am having lunch with a friend downtown. Might even do laundry today. Let's see how I feel.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Y3 D1
Y3. What a weird thing to type. I honestly never planned to survive Y1 so to be on Y3 is a bit of shock to the old system.
Had a good day at work yesterday. Think I have figured the product out to some extent. Talked to my new boss over the phone and he was saying how it will be at least another 2-3 weeks until I start on client stuff and I was like, let's start now. I am ready to get my feet wet. We actually meet for the first time since I started today.
I did party like a rockstar last night. It was my director's kid's grad night and we all met up at a local bar for festivities. The kids weren't there, it was just the teachers. If you've never seen teachers let loose, I highly recommend it. They are wild outside the classroom.
I don't remember much of last night other than I didn't drive. I handed my keys over at some point to someone telling them you are getting me home. Obviously they listened and I am home and there is someone in the bathroom taking a shower right now. Let's see who it is, shall we?
Had a good day at work yesterday. Think I have figured the product out to some extent. Talked to my new boss over the phone and he was saying how it will be at least another 2-3 weeks until I start on client stuff and I was like, let's start now. I am ready to get my feet wet. We actually meet for the first time since I started today.
I did party like a rockstar last night. It was my director's kid's grad night and we all met up at a local bar for festivities. The kids weren't there, it was just the teachers. If you've never seen teachers let loose, I highly recommend it. They are wild outside the classroom.
I don't remember much of last night other than I didn't drive. I handed my keys over at some point to someone telling them you are getting me home. Obviously they listened and I am home and there is someone in the bathroom taking a shower right now. Let's see who it is, shall we?
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Y2 D365
In this place it seems like such a shame. Though it all looks different now, I know it's still the same. Everywhere I look you're all I see. Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be...
Two years. I survived two fucking years. Amazing. And now for the last year in my life recap. It's been one hell of a roller coaster ride hasn't it kids? Let's see if we can summarize:
- Moved.
- Met a nice woman and then realized she was a nice woman and I would probably hurt her in the long run
- Fucked a 23 year old. Sorry, it's fact and I am taking credit for it
- Almost lost my job thanks to a 23 year old
- Tried repeating what I found, only to be lied to, stolen from, and hurt once more. But at least had sex with a 21 year old
- As for karmic payment, been celibate and alone for 8 fucking months. Payback is a bitch ain't it?
- Suffered through the worst financial period of my life
- Had to beg borrow and steal to stay afloat a couple of times
- Lost any semblance of pride to make the bills
- Found a new job which should turn things around
- Lost my timeshare in Hawaii
- Drank and made an ass out of myself
- Drank and nearly killed myself
- Drank and drank and drank...
- Incurred more debt than any one man should have to deal with in his life thanks to life and the IRS
- Tried to go to a doctor to get help and all he wanted to do was push drugs
- Found a group of people who love me and accept for who I am, which saved my life
- Lost a dear friend through reasons I still don't understand because he won't talk to me
- Watched my fucking brother die
And those are just the fucking highlights. People wonder why I have emotional problems. If the average person went through HALF of what I did in the last 12 months they would be blubbering idiots. Yet somehow I kept going. Somehow I made it one more fucking year. What will year three bring? Happiness? I don't know that concept. It's beyond me. Happiness isn't allowed. Moments of happiness are okay but sustained happiness is for other people apparently and not me. Will I get out of the hole? Will I find someone who actually gives a fuck about me? Will my friend who I care about deeply forgive me for whatever trespasses I committed? Will I lose even more family members?
How will you know the answers to all these? Well kids you have to keep reading, don't ya?
Two years. I survived two fucking years. Amazing. And now for the last year in my life recap. It's been one hell of a roller coaster ride hasn't it kids? Let's see if we can summarize:
- Moved.
- Met a nice woman and then realized she was a nice woman and I would probably hurt her in the long run
- Fucked a 23 year old. Sorry, it's fact and I am taking credit for it
- Almost lost my job thanks to a 23 year old
- Tried repeating what I found, only to be lied to, stolen from, and hurt once more. But at least had sex with a 21 year old
- As for karmic payment, been celibate and alone for 8 fucking months. Payback is a bitch ain't it?
- Suffered through the worst financial period of my life
- Had to beg borrow and steal to stay afloat a couple of times
- Lost any semblance of pride to make the bills
- Found a new job which should turn things around
- Lost my timeshare in Hawaii
- Drank and made an ass out of myself
- Drank and nearly killed myself
- Drank and drank and drank...
- Incurred more debt than any one man should have to deal with in his life thanks to life and the IRS
- Tried to go to a doctor to get help and all he wanted to do was push drugs
- Found a group of people who love me and accept for who I am, which saved my life
- Lost a dear friend through reasons I still don't understand because he won't talk to me
- Watched my fucking brother die
And those are just the fucking highlights. People wonder why I have emotional problems. If the average person went through HALF of what I did in the last 12 months they would be blubbering idiots. Yet somehow I kept going. Somehow I made it one more fucking year. What will year three bring? Happiness? I don't know that concept. It's beyond me. Happiness isn't allowed. Moments of happiness are okay but sustained happiness is for other people apparently and not me. Will I get out of the hole? Will I find someone who actually gives a fuck about me? Will my friend who I care about deeply forgive me for whatever trespasses I committed? Will I lose even more family members?
How will you know the answers to all these? Well kids you have to keep reading, don't ya?
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Y2 D364
Another year almost down. Where the fuck has the time gone? Where has my sanity gone? Where is my mind?
Day two at the new job. Actually started *doing* something yesterday. At least I felt like I was doing something. The product isn't that hard to learn. After 13 years of being in this field, it's not tough to understand from a conceptual level what it is I am doing. It's more learning the little nuances of this particular product versus learning anything really new. Today should be more of the same. I can't remember if I mentioned this, but I did learn something extremely ironic. We were going through a list of the new company's customers and guess who was on the list? X2's old company. Imagine how it would have been if she was still working there and learned that I was now part of that company. Awkward to say the least. But she's not and I won't ever touch their stuff probably so fuck it.
Got a pass for the train yesterday instead of buying a ticket everyday but it looks like it takes a couple of days for the value to show up. I have to call them in five minutes to see if I can use it right now or if I have to wait. Also found out how our reimbursement program works. Basically they do a pre-tax deduction and then roughly 20 into the next month you get a hard check paying you back for the original amount. In other words, if I take $100 per check in deductions, the gross impact is about $85 to my net, but on the 20th of the following month, I get a check for the full $200. I just need to figure out how much per check and when to start it. I want to see how much my actual checks are going to be before I start taking money out. Insurance is only going to cost me $9 a month as they cover everything but the vision which is cool. This should get me like $50 - $75 more a month than I was getting which in turn will go right back to commuter checks.
I did have a friend come up to the city last night and meet me after work which was nice. We went and had dinner at this Korean place I found about three blocks over. Since he is Korean he interpreted the menu for me. Also he was able to drive me home which saved me a train ride and a walk. Got home about 8, went to bed around 11 as I was pretty wired from the day.
I did start looking up apartments and rentals in the city yesterday. I am looking at roughly $800 more a month to live in something comparable in the city. I am not ready for that. I will keep looking as I have a year until my lease is up here, but damn.
Time to call the commuter card people...
Day two at the new job. Actually started *doing* something yesterday. At least I felt like I was doing something. The product isn't that hard to learn. After 13 years of being in this field, it's not tough to understand from a conceptual level what it is I am doing. It's more learning the little nuances of this particular product versus learning anything really new. Today should be more of the same. I can't remember if I mentioned this, but I did learn something extremely ironic. We were going through a list of the new company's customers and guess who was on the list? X2's old company. Imagine how it would have been if she was still working there and learned that I was now part of that company. Awkward to say the least. But she's not and I won't ever touch their stuff probably so fuck it.
Got a pass for the train yesterday instead of buying a ticket everyday but it looks like it takes a couple of days for the value to show up. I have to call them in five minutes to see if I can use it right now or if I have to wait. Also found out how our reimbursement program works. Basically they do a pre-tax deduction and then roughly 20 into the next month you get a hard check paying you back for the original amount. In other words, if I take $100 per check in deductions, the gross impact is about $85 to my net, but on the 20th of the following month, I get a check for the full $200. I just need to figure out how much per check and when to start it. I want to see how much my actual checks are going to be before I start taking money out. Insurance is only going to cost me $9 a month as they cover everything but the vision which is cool. This should get me like $50 - $75 more a month than I was getting which in turn will go right back to commuter checks.
I did have a friend come up to the city last night and meet me after work which was nice. We went and had dinner at this Korean place I found about three blocks over. Since he is Korean he interpreted the menu for me. Also he was able to drive me home which saved me a train ride and a walk. Got home about 8, went to bed around 11 as I was pretty wired from the day.
I did start looking up apartments and rentals in the city yesterday. I am looking at roughly $800 more a month to live in something comparable in the city. I am not ready for that. I will keep looking as I have a year until my lease is up here, but damn.
Time to call the commuter card people...
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Y2 D363
One day down. I do know that after just one day, I want to move to the city. Not because of the commute or anything like that, but just because I feel how much I want to be right in the middle of everything. The commute was okay. I am not sure how I am going to do on that front. I left the house at 7:42, made the 8:02 train, and got into the office just around 9. It was a good walk from both the house and the station. I was feeling a little bit of it in my legs by the time I got to the office. The only thing I need to do different is get a pass instead of buying a ticket every morning. I feel like such an outsider having to buy a ticket each morning. But I am waiting until I get back from vacation to buy the card because I want to see how much money I have first. I might go tonight and get one, but only put a little on it for now. After the trip I will put a month's worth of passes on there.
Got to the office and met up with the director of training. She is also new (as it turns out are three other people I met yesterday) and is still learning the product. My desk is like right in the middle of the room and I am not sure how I feel about that. This is one of those 'hey check out how hip we are, we don't have walls and you can see our ventilation ducts' kind of places. Also not sure how I feel about that, but it's a minor thing. If the worst part of the job is having to be in the center of a room and no privacy, whatever. That's what conference rooms are for, right? Got all my logins and paperwork done and started in on learning the product. Going through different training classes. Essentially it's what I will be doing through Thursday and then I found out there's an all-day company meeting on Friday. Not a bad first week as far as scheduling goes. Left the office around 4:45 and got the 5:14 express train home. Was home around 5:50 including the walk. Acceptable. Today I am taking a slightly earlier train but will probably take the same one home.
Didn't really get to meet or socialize with anyone yesterday. I did behave and keep my mouth shut. Was friendly but not overly, was polite, but not distant. I think I did okay for a first day. Now, let's see how many more I can handle...
Got to the office and met up with the director of training. She is also new (as it turns out are three other people I met yesterday) and is still learning the product. My desk is like right in the middle of the room and I am not sure how I feel about that. This is one of those 'hey check out how hip we are, we don't have walls and you can see our ventilation ducts' kind of places. Also not sure how I feel about that, but it's a minor thing. If the worst part of the job is having to be in the center of a room and no privacy, whatever. That's what conference rooms are for, right? Got all my logins and paperwork done and started in on learning the product. Going through different training classes. Essentially it's what I will be doing through Thursday and then I found out there's an all-day company meeting on Friday. Not a bad first week as far as scheduling goes. Left the office around 4:45 and got the 5:14 express train home. Was home around 5:50 including the walk. Acceptable. Today I am taking a slightly earlier train but will probably take the same one home.
Didn't really get to meet or socialize with anyone yesterday. I did behave and keep my mouth shut. Was friendly but not overly, was polite, but not distant. I think I did okay for a first day. Now, let's see how many more I can handle...
Monday, May 23, 2011
Y2 D362
I start the new job today!! 2 hours until I get on the train!
Worked hard yesterday. Left me very drained. I got to the event about 8:30 and shot until 3. Took around 1100 pictures. Now of course I need to go through and see if there is anything usable. It's always the post processing that's the toughest. I will say I saw some impressive stuff yesterday. An entire room full of people who could kick my ass without even trying. Flipping their bodies, waving weapons around, and having a great time. The event was a tournament from ages 5 to 99. There were little kids doing crazy stuff all the way up to people older than me sparring and doing sword work. Was kind of cool to watch.
Got home around 3:30 and proceeded to get ready for today. Got all my clothes ironed and everything setup to go this morning.
I am a little nervous, but also not because part of me is just thinking of this as another client. Granted that will change after a few days I think, but for right now, it's just another gig.
Time to do this...
Worked hard yesterday. Left me very drained. I got to the event about 8:30 and shot until 3. Took around 1100 pictures. Now of course I need to go through and see if there is anything usable. It's always the post processing that's the toughest. I will say I saw some impressive stuff yesterday. An entire room full of people who could kick my ass without even trying. Flipping their bodies, waving weapons around, and having a great time. The event was a tournament from ages 5 to 99. There were little kids doing crazy stuff all the way up to people older than me sparring and doing sword work. Was kind of cool to watch.
Got home around 3:30 and proceeded to get ready for today. Got all my clothes ironed and everything setup to go this morning.
I am a little nervous, but also not because part of me is just thinking of this as another client. Granted that will change after a few days I think, but for right now, it's just another gig.
Time to do this...
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Y2 D361
LONG day yesterday which for the first 14 hours was boring as hell. With the exception of one run to the UPS to drop of a package, I did absolutely nothing outside the house. Oh and for the record, yesterday marked 8 months of celibacy. Yay? Eight long months of nothing. Hey! It's my life! A whole lot of nothing!
Cleaned the bunnies, cleaned the bathroom, cleaned the kitchen, watched the season finale of Supernatural. Answered the door for FedEx who was bringing my replacement Kindle. I am very impressed at Amazon for not only replacing my Kindle without question, but sending it 2 day with Saturday delivery. AND when I turned on the new one, it automatically came up with my name and 'XXX's 2nd Kindle', 'do you want to synch from you other Kindle?'. Bam. Nice. I still have to manually copy over files and folders, but it was still cool that it just worked.
I also got my Google Music Beta invite yesterday. Starting uploading music to the mysterious and nebulous cloud. Got about 3000 songs uploaded and that took me through 'C'. There's a 20,000 song limit which means I will have to trim at some letters.
Did laundry around 5, took a shower at 7, headed out to get the prop van at 8:15. Had to put gas in that evil thing which resulted in gas on my clothes. Hate that fucking van. Got to the show a little after nine and we set up starting at 10:30. Good show. No drama, no issues. Went to pie and was home at 4:30. I slept for 2 hours and now I am off to photograph a martial arts tournament. Interesting.
When I get home I have to get ready for the NEW JOB TOMORROW!
Cleaned the bunnies, cleaned the bathroom, cleaned the kitchen, watched the season finale of Supernatural. Answered the door for FedEx who was bringing my replacement Kindle. I am very impressed at Amazon for not only replacing my Kindle without question, but sending it 2 day with Saturday delivery. AND when I turned on the new one, it automatically came up with my name and 'XXX's 2nd Kindle', 'do you want to synch from you other Kindle?'. Bam. Nice. I still have to manually copy over files and folders, but it was still cool that it just worked.
I also got my Google Music Beta invite yesterday. Starting uploading music to the mysterious and nebulous cloud. Got about 3000 songs uploaded and that took me through 'C'. There's a 20,000 song limit which means I will have to trim at some letters.
Did laundry around 5, took a shower at 7, headed out to get the prop van at 8:15. Had to put gas in that evil thing which resulted in gas on my clothes. Hate that fucking van. Got to the show a little after nine and we set up starting at 10:30. Good show. No drama, no issues. Went to pie and was home at 4:30. I slept for 2 hours and now I am off to photograph a martial arts tournament. Interesting.
When I get home I have to get ready for the NEW JOB TOMORROW!
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Y2 D360
Five more days. We will end this year on Wednesday. Here's to an anti-climatic ending. One can hope.
Nursing a low grade hangover today. Nothing major, just a minor little throb. Way too much vanilla vodka and diet coke last night. It was either that or Beefeater gin and I do not like Beefeater. I would really be nursing things if I had gone down that path.
Started the day off doing not much of anything. I did let my (now) old bosses know I was sitting unassigned on my final day. But didn't hear anything from them by noon. I ended up going out with my co-head as he did some process serving for his work. Nothing exciting, he didn't feel like going into the city alone and I was sitting bored. On the way back we stopped at the mall and I picked up a couple of things for summer. Some new $15 shorts, a pair of $20 sandals, etc. Nothing fancy or exciting, just some stuff I need for the summer time.
Got home around 3 and went and deposited my final paycheck. As of right now, I need a second check from the new company to pay my rent. I have to be VERY careful the next 12 days to see how much I am going to have available. Until the 1st rolls around, I am on a tight budget. Even tonight before the show I don't plan on doing anything. I am going to be very frugal to see what's going on.
Around 5:30 we headed over to our director's house for their son's BATTLE OF THE BANDS! at the High School. Yeah, I spent a chunk of my Friday night at a high school watching bad bands play poorly. Yep. But it was to support a family member and that's all that counts. I brought a couple of bottle of cheap wine and went through one pre-show. When we got back we started playing this drinking card game which is how we went through the second bottle, and I went through a 1/2 bottle of stoli vanilla. I didn't drive so I wasn't worried about getting home. My friend drove and he wasn't drinking. Made it home in one piece around 1am.
Today is supposed to be the rapture according to Harold Camping. Since I think it is total bullshit, that's all the space he gets today...
Tonight is a show, and tomorrow I am shooting for a friend at his martial arts tournament. Which means I need to get my house clean today and get everything ready to go for Sunday.
Nursing a low grade hangover today. Nothing major, just a minor little throb. Way too much vanilla vodka and diet coke last night. It was either that or Beefeater gin and I do not like Beefeater. I would really be nursing things if I had gone down that path.
Started the day off doing not much of anything. I did let my (now) old bosses know I was sitting unassigned on my final day. But didn't hear anything from them by noon. I ended up going out with my co-head as he did some process serving for his work. Nothing exciting, he didn't feel like going into the city alone and I was sitting bored. On the way back we stopped at the mall and I picked up a couple of things for summer. Some new $15 shorts, a pair of $20 sandals, etc. Nothing fancy or exciting, just some stuff I need for the summer time.
Got home around 3 and went and deposited my final paycheck. As of right now, I need a second check from the new company to pay my rent. I have to be VERY careful the next 12 days to see how much I am going to have available. Until the 1st rolls around, I am on a tight budget. Even tonight before the show I don't plan on doing anything. I am going to be very frugal to see what's going on.
Around 5:30 we headed over to our director's house for their son's BATTLE OF THE BANDS! at the High School. Yeah, I spent a chunk of my Friday night at a high school watching bad bands play poorly. Yep. But it was to support a family member and that's all that counts. I brought a couple of bottle of cheap wine and went through one pre-show. When we got back we started playing this drinking card game which is how we went through the second bottle, and I went through a 1/2 bottle of stoli vanilla. I didn't drive so I wasn't worried about getting home. My friend drove and he wasn't drinking. Made it home in one piece around 1am.
Today is supposed to be the rapture according to Harold Camping. Since I think it is total bullshit, that's all the space he gets today...
Tonight is a show, and tomorrow I am shooting for a friend at his martial arts tournament. Which means I need to get my house clean today and get everything ready to go for Sunday.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Y2 D359
Finished up at the client yesterday! We both agreed that another day of me sitting and doing nothing was a waste for both of us. He was sorry to see me go and is working on having me get remote access so I can continue to help them out. He doesn't want anyone else from the company. He was the second client to tell me that it wasn't the company they liked it was me. I like that. Makes me feel good.
Got my final check from the company yesterday too. A little more than I expected, but not quite sure if it is going to be enough to cover all my bills. I need to be VERY careful between now and the 1st to see what happens.
Talked to my Dad last night. He is going to be sending some cash to help with the trip in two weeks. That was a nice surprise and will help a lot.
What else.. oh my Kindle died yesterday. But I called Amazon at 7pm last night and they are sending a new one with 2nd day delivery and it supposed to be here tomorrow. No need to wait for the old one either. Just sending it with no questions asked. Awesome. I have to re-organize a new kindle which will be a pain, but the customer service was excellent.
Watched a little TV, relaxed, and went to bed around 11:30. I now have an unexpected day off which is nice. No real plans yet, but tonight I am going to an event to support my director's kid. Until then, the day so far is looking like it's all mine. Nice.
Got my final check from the company yesterday too. A little more than I expected, but not quite sure if it is going to be enough to cover all my bills. I need to be VERY careful between now and the 1st to see what happens.
Talked to my Dad last night. He is going to be sending some cash to help with the trip in two weeks. That was a nice surprise and will help a lot.
What else.. oh my Kindle died yesterday. But I called Amazon at 7pm last night and they are sending a new one with 2nd day delivery and it supposed to be here tomorrow. No need to wait for the old one either. Just sending it with no questions asked. Awesome. I have to re-organize a new kindle which will be a pain, but the customer service was excellent.
Watched a little TV, relaxed, and went to bed around 11:30. I now have an unexpected day off which is nice. No real plans yet, but tonight I am going to an event to support my director's kid. Until then, the day so far is looking like it's all mine. Nice.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Y2 D358
If we never met in person does it count as dating? Therefore does it count as being dumped if it's done via a text message? 'I really think you and I are better as friends'. Yeah okay. Whatever.
Never mind. It's not important. Nothing really is. I give up on that front. I will be alone for a long time and that's just the way it is. I had a good run and this is just the way life is going to be.
Didn't do shit at work yesterday. Hopefully I can convince the client today that there is no reason for me to be sitting there burning hours for no good reason. If not, I will spend another day just sitting doing nothing. Double whatever.
Nothing really to say today. Worked, or if you want to call it that, came home, went over to my co-head's house to work on a prop, came home, watched some tv, ate, went to bed. My life in a nutshell.
Never mind. It's not important. Nothing really is. I give up on that front. I will be alone for a long time and that's just the way it is. I had a good run and this is just the way life is going to be.
Didn't do shit at work yesterday. Hopefully I can convince the client today that there is no reason for me to be sitting there burning hours for no good reason. If not, I will spend another day just sitting doing nothing. Double whatever.
Nothing really to say today. Worked, or if you want to call it that, came home, went over to my co-head's house to work on a prop, came home, watched some tv, ate, went to bed. My life in a nutshell.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Y2 D357
So many thoughts in my tiny little head I don't know where to begin. How about 1/2 a gold star for me for last night? Can you do 1/2 a gold star? Does that count? Dunno. Okay, so I get 1/2 a gold star for making a somewhat good decision that probably saved a life. I called my 44 year old friend's parents and made them drive him home last night. He would have died otherwise. There's no question about it.
Let's start at the morning. Went to work even though I really have nothing to do. Sat there until about 9 after sending the client an email asking what he wanted me to work on for the rest of the week. He came over and told me he would get me something in about an hour. I politely told him that it was his hours and I would be happy to leave if he didn't want me to burn them. Indirectly he said it was cool, he know he was burning hours, but he didn't mind because it was me. Score. He did eventually give me some stuff to do and I was there the full 8 hours, but in reality I did about 4 maybe 4.5 hours of work.
During the day I got an email from my new boss. He had sent me the instruction docs for the product on Monday and I had asked what time he would like me to be there on my first day. His response? 'Oh 9:30 or 10 works. I am going to be out of town all week so we will just have you meet with our director of training'. Double score. Thanks to holidays and vacations I actually don't work a full week until June 13th. Not too shabby.
Went home around 3:30, and was settling in for a nice quiet night at home when I got an email from an old buddy I haven't seen face to face in almost 23 years. He actually dated X1's sister back in high school. He has been going through a rough patch with his wife and I had sent him an email inviting him out for a drink. Since I knew he had been going through some shit I agreed. We met up around 8 at one of my bars. I actually got there around 7 because I knew bar space would be limited. We had a good time catching up as we hadn't seen each other in 23 years. I had about 4 or 5 drinks. Was buzzed but definitely not drunk. Around 11:30 I suggested we call it a night. The whole time he was drinking beer so I wasn't worrying about him. Then he stood up. And proceeded to fall down. Okay. He was staying at his parent's place because of the shit between him and his wife and he had their car. Double okay. You're not driving buddy. Either you stay at my place, call a cab, or I call your parents. He decided to call his folks. After 15 minutes of bad directions, we found where parked and called his parents. They showed up shortly thereafter and drove him home. I wasn't quite ready to go home yet so I called a friend and we went and had pie. Nothing like pie at midnight. I wasn't in any big rush as I know the client probably doesn't have much for me to work on today. It's not only nice to have a friend who will answer the phone at midnight, but it doesn't hurt she is hot too. The stares I was getting at midnight from some of the patrons made the whole thing worth it.
In the end? Spent some money, minus points. Saw an old friend, plus points. Got him home safely, plus points. Overall, 1/2 a gold star.
Let's start at the morning. Went to work even though I really have nothing to do. Sat there until about 9 after sending the client an email asking what he wanted me to work on for the rest of the week. He came over and told me he would get me something in about an hour. I politely told him that it was his hours and I would be happy to leave if he didn't want me to burn them. Indirectly he said it was cool, he know he was burning hours, but he didn't mind because it was me. Score. He did eventually give me some stuff to do and I was there the full 8 hours, but in reality I did about 4 maybe 4.5 hours of work.
During the day I got an email from my new boss. He had sent me the instruction docs for the product on Monday and I had asked what time he would like me to be there on my first day. His response? 'Oh 9:30 or 10 works. I am going to be out of town all week so we will just have you meet with our director of training'. Double score. Thanks to holidays and vacations I actually don't work a full week until June 13th. Not too shabby.
Went home around 3:30, and was settling in for a nice quiet night at home when I got an email from an old buddy I haven't seen face to face in almost 23 years. He actually dated X1's sister back in high school. He has been going through a rough patch with his wife and I had sent him an email inviting him out for a drink. Since I knew he had been going through some shit I agreed. We met up around 8 at one of my bars. I actually got there around 7 because I knew bar space would be limited. We had a good time catching up as we hadn't seen each other in 23 years. I had about 4 or 5 drinks. Was buzzed but definitely not drunk. Around 11:30 I suggested we call it a night. The whole time he was drinking beer so I wasn't worrying about him. Then he stood up. And proceeded to fall down. Okay. He was staying at his parent's place because of the shit between him and his wife and he had their car. Double okay. You're not driving buddy. Either you stay at my place, call a cab, or I call your parents. He decided to call his folks. After 15 minutes of bad directions, we found where parked and called his parents. They showed up shortly thereafter and drove him home. I wasn't quite ready to go home yet so I called a friend and we went and had pie. Nothing like pie at midnight. I wasn't in any big rush as I know the client probably doesn't have much for me to work on today. It's not only nice to have a friend who will answer the phone at midnight, but it doesn't hurt she is hot too. The stares I was getting at midnight from some of the patrons made the whole thing worth it.
In the end? Spent some money, minus points. Saw an old friend, plus points. Got him home safely, plus points. Overall, 1/2 a gold star.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Y2 D356
I was reminded yesterday that I failed to mention why I was so pissed at X1 about prom night. Well let me remedy that situation. Saturday the kid had her senior prom. Where was her mother? Off fucking her boyfriend. Here it's her daughter's senior prom and she isn't around. She should have been there to take the kid for makeup and nails and support and pictures and car and etc. She was nowhere to be found. What kind of mother isn't around for her daughter's prom night? The kid had to do everything herself. Luckily one of her friends came over to help her with hair and makeup but still. She should have had professional appointments and it should have been a special night. What a bitch.
Anyway, started my final week at the client/company yesterday. Really didn't do much of anything. The client had meetings most of the day so he didn't have much for me to do. I know I should have gone home early or something but I need the hours this week to end things on a high note. I sat there most of the day surfing what limited internet I could and reading books on my phone. Trust me, not the most exciting of days. After work I went over to home depot to buy some parts to make a new prop. That killed some time for sure. I ended up getting enough pieces to make a large knife switch which is something we need for the new lab monitor board. I am not worried about the $40 I spent as it will get credited to my dues for the year. This means I never have to pay for another show for like 10 months. We are all expected to pay $1 a show we attend/work to offset costs for gas, props, etc. I am already $26 to the good and now I added to that. I may have my director split part of it to the kid's dues to make sure she is covered too.
Came home, had some mac and cheese for dinner, watched a little TV, went to bed. Good boy. Gold star. I was in a bit of a funk yesterday anyway, probably due to the rain and nasty weather. Still feeling it a little bit this morning.
Anyway, started my final week at the client/company yesterday. Really didn't do much of anything. The client had meetings most of the day so he didn't have much for me to do. I know I should have gone home early or something but I need the hours this week to end things on a high note. I sat there most of the day surfing what limited internet I could and reading books on my phone. Trust me, not the most exciting of days. After work I went over to home depot to buy some parts to make a new prop. That killed some time for sure. I ended up getting enough pieces to make a large knife switch which is something we need for the new lab monitor board. I am not worried about the $40 I spent as it will get credited to my dues for the year. This means I never have to pay for another show for like 10 months. We are all expected to pay $1 a show we attend/work to offset costs for gas, props, etc. I am already $26 to the good and now I added to that. I may have my director split part of it to the kid's dues to make sure she is covered too.
Came home, had some mac and cheese for dinner, watched a little TV, went to bed. Good boy. Gold star. I was in a bit of a funk yesterday anyway, probably due to the rain and nasty weather. Still feeling it a little bit this morning.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Y2 D355
Life is being cruel to my poor directors. First she had to deal with her brother going into the hospital and now her grandfather died yesterday. My heart goes out to her in a big way. So much pain in such a short time. Life is a cruel bitch sometimes.
I spent the day not doing much of anything. Went out to Best Buy as planned and got the CD I wanted. $4 after gift card. When did tax get so high? I swear it's insane right now. Worse than gas. Then I stopped at Target to get some essentials like razors and dishwasher stuff. Headed to a friend's house to pick up some stuff and then came back home. One of my friends stopped by just to say hi and hang out for a little bit. Nothing exciting. He was in the neighborhood and thought he would stop by. That was nice.
Other than that, stayed inside and watched the crappy weather. It's supposed to be spring and almost summer. I had the heater running all day and was wrapped up in fuzzy clothes. Not cool. Made a steak for dinner with some mac and cheese and was in bed by 10.
I am feeling the short timer syndrome strike. I have one week left on this project and one week before I start my new job. Wow. What a concept.
I spent the day not doing much of anything. Went out to Best Buy as planned and got the CD I wanted. $4 after gift card. When did tax get so high? I swear it's insane right now. Worse than gas. Then I stopped at Target to get some essentials like razors and dishwasher stuff. Headed to a friend's house to pick up some stuff and then came back home. One of my friends stopped by just to say hi and hang out for a little bit. Nothing exciting. He was in the neighborhood and thought he would stop by. That was nice.
Other than that, stayed inside and watched the crappy weather. It's supposed to be spring and almost summer. I had the heater running all day and was wrapped up in fuzzy clothes. Not cool. Made a steak for dinner with some mac and cheese and was in bed by 10.
I am feeling the short timer syndrome strike. I have one week left on this project and one week before I start my new job. Wow. What a concept.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Y2 D354
Another night of bad dreams. Don't know why. This time it was around drugs. I bought some coke and it was light and crap, then I dropped it into some kind of puddle that ate it all up. Symbolism at its finest. Before that was some dream I can't even remember but I awoke feeling stressed and upset.
The day was okay yesterday. Nothing of any note happened. Moved slow in the morning. Tried to go to Best Buy to buy a new CD but they were out at my local store. I have a $10 gift card and the CD is 11.99 which means it will only be $3 out of pocket. I have to take a ride to pick something up at a friend's house and there is another Best Buy near her so hopefully they will have it. Came back home, had some lunch then too an afternoon nap.
I woke up at around 3 and realized I was bored as hell. It was an early show last night and I had to drive the prop van aka death machine aka rape van. I hate driving that thing. It leaks, it smells, and it moves like an old man with a bad hip. I was completely bored off my ass around 5 and decided screw it, I am heading down to the theater. I got there around six and call time wasn't until 8:45. Luckily the theater is next to a ghetto mall so I had something to do. By ghetto mall I mean there is a Burlington Coat Factory, a Ross, and a Target. That's about it. The four stores inside are no-name weird shit except for the Payless and the Barnes and Noble. Guess where I went? Picked up a couple new books I have been wanting. I did hit Ross and found some new sheets for $15. That was a nice surprise. Now I don't have to wash sheets today. Just throw on new ones.
Grabbed some dinner and read whilst waiting for everyone else to show. Around 8 I started unloading the van by myself. Around 8:15 other folks started showing to help. The shitty part is around 7 the weather turned on us. It had been a mild day, but the temperature plummeted and it started to rain. It made for bad moods all around. The show went like shit. We missed props, things were off mark, I cut myself in multiple places; just not a good show. I just sent out the scolding email to my crew. Let's see if that preempts anything from my directors.
Today I am running the one errand then hiding in the house the rest of the day.
The day was okay yesterday. Nothing of any note happened. Moved slow in the morning. Tried to go to Best Buy to buy a new CD but they were out at my local store. I have a $10 gift card and the CD is 11.99 which means it will only be $3 out of pocket. I have to take a ride to pick something up at a friend's house and there is another Best Buy near her so hopefully they will have it. Came back home, had some lunch then too an afternoon nap.
I woke up at around 3 and realized I was bored as hell. It was an early show last night and I had to drive the prop van aka death machine aka rape van. I hate driving that thing. It leaks, it smells, and it moves like an old man with a bad hip. I was completely bored off my ass around 5 and decided screw it, I am heading down to the theater. I got there around six and call time wasn't until 8:45. Luckily the theater is next to a ghetto mall so I had something to do. By ghetto mall I mean there is a Burlington Coat Factory, a Ross, and a Target. That's about it. The four stores inside are no-name weird shit except for the Payless and the Barnes and Noble. Guess where I went? Picked up a couple new books I have been wanting. I did hit Ross and found some new sheets for $15. That was a nice surprise. Now I don't have to wash sheets today. Just throw on new ones.
Grabbed some dinner and read whilst waiting for everyone else to show. Around 8 I started unloading the van by myself. Around 8:15 other folks started showing to help. The shitty part is around 7 the weather turned on us. It had been a mild day, but the temperature plummeted and it started to rain. It made for bad moods all around. The show went like shit. We missed props, things were off mark, I cut myself in multiple places; just not a good show. I just sent out the scolding email to my crew. Let's see if that preempts anything from my directors.
Today I am running the one errand then hiding in the house the rest of the day.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Y2 D353
Less than two weeks...
I had a really bad dream last night. The kind where no matter how irrational you know it sounds, you can't go back to sleep for a while because you're too freaked out. You have ever have one of those dreams where you must be doing something in real life or getting a leg cramp, arm cramp, etc that it's causing you so much pain it filters into your dream? Yeah, one like that. We (as in the collective we) were fighting some war against aliens or demons or something and they were closing in on us. They had they razor claws which were getting closer and started slicing off my fingers. I don't know if I was laying on my hand a weird way or something, but in my dream I could feel the pain like crazy. I woke up with a little scream caught in my throat. It was so real that I knew I should go back to sleep because it was just a dream but just sat there for a good twenty minutes freaking out. I finally fell back to sleep, but damn that was scary.
Had a good game night last night. Came home from work after a full day, paid all my bills in the morning because thankfully I did get a full paycheck, stopped at the grocery store and picked up a couple of things for game night, then started cleaning. I had about three hours to clean the house, prep food, etc. Did it with no problem. Had about 8 people total come over. We had deep fried bacon hot dogs, mac and cheese, grilled pineapple, chips, veggies, taquitos, and more. Hey what can I say, I am an Italian Catholic, I feed people. Surprisingly my directors showed up for a quick hello. They didn't stay as they were on their way home from a baseball game, but it was nice of them to come over and say hello. We played Dicecapades and Fluxx. Dicecapades is insane. It combines Pictionary with Cranium with Trivial Pursuit with physical challenges. The box says 30 minutes for a game, it took us three hours. Of course we were drinking and being goofy. I had a great time. I really enjoy doing these game nights; I can stay in the house, people come to me, I don't make dumb mistakes, and I still have a good social time. I probably won't be having another for a while just because of things going on, but they are fun.
Tonight is the kid's prom. I am very pissed off at her mother right now, but we will save that for tomorrow. Show tonight, one of the 10pm early ones. But between now and then, not much to do which is good.
I had a really bad dream last night. The kind where no matter how irrational you know it sounds, you can't go back to sleep for a while because you're too freaked out. You have ever have one of those dreams where you must be doing something in real life or getting a leg cramp, arm cramp, etc that it's causing you so much pain it filters into your dream? Yeah, one like that. We (as in the collective we) were fighting some war against aliens or demons or something and they were closing in on us. They had they razor claws which were getting closer and started slicing off my fingers. I don't know if I was laying on my hand a weird way or something, but in my dream I could feel the pain like crazy. I woke up with a little scream caught in my throat. It was so real that I knew I should go back to sleep because it was just a dream but just sat there for a good twenty minutes freaking out. I finally fell back to sleep, but damn that was scary.
Had a good game night last night. Came home from work after a full day, paid all my bills in the morning because thankfully I did get a full paycheck, stopped at the grocery store and picked up a couple of things for game night, then started cleaning. I had about three hours to clean the house, prep food, etc. Did it with no problem. Had about 8 people total come over. We had deep fried bacon hot dogs, mac and cheese, grilled pineapple, chips, veggies, taquitos, and more. Hey what can I say, I am an Italian Catholic, I feed people. Surprisingly my directors showed up for a quick hello. They didn't stay as they were on their way home from a baseball game, but it was nice of them to come over and say hello. We played Dicecapades and Fluxx. Dicecapades is insane. It combines Pictionary with Cranium with Trivial Pursuit with physical challenges. The box says 30 minutes for a game, it took us three hours. Of course we were drinking and being goofy. I had a great time. I really enjoy doing these game nights; I can stay in the house, people come to me, I don't make dumb mistakes, and I still have a good social time. I probably won't be having another for a while just because of things going on, but they are fun.
Tonight is the kid's prom. I am very pissed off at her mother right now, but we will save that for tomorrow. Show tonight, one of the 10pm early ones. But between now and then, not much to do which is good.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Y2 D352
Looked like we were going to miss or lose a day thanks to blogger being down, but nope, it salvaged Thursday and here it is for Friday. Woo hoo!
So I think at the beginning of every month I am going to print out a calendar. Then on days where I make good decisions, I will post a gold star. Every day I am faced with decisions and half the time I make poor ones. Yes, I know that sounds childish and silly, but remember, I am an over grown narcissistic child with poor impulse control. A gold star to remind me might be just what I need.
What prompted this? I had a company meeting last night which turned into a bit of a going away party for me. It was supposed to just be a regular meeting where they updated everyone on the pipeline but then word got out that I was leaving as a FTE and all hell broke loose. The booze started pouring and everyone starting talking. Funny thing was at the end of the presentation my bosses gave they asked for feedback. I spoke up and said 'If you had done a meeting like this two months ago, I might have been persuaded to stay. Doing it every six months is shit'. They actually appreciated this and understood where I was coming from on the matter.
At the end of the meeting is where decision time came into play. I was three blocks from one of my favorite bars. Three blocks. And trust me, I had to think hard about this one. BUT I came home, did laundry, watched TV and went to bed. Gold fucking star.
Tonight is game night and I have ten people coming over in less than two hours. Need to get ready!
So I think at the beginning of every month I am going to print out a calendar. Then on days where I make good decisions, I will post a gold star. Every day I am faced with decisions and half the time I make poor ones. Yes, I know that sounds childish and silly, but remember, I am an over grown narcissistic child with poor impulse control. A gold star to remind me might be just what I need.
What prompted this? I had a company meeting last night which turned into a bit of a going away party for me. It was supposed to just be a regular meeting where they updated everyone on the pipeline but then word got out that I was leaving as a FTE and all hell broke loose. The booze started pouring and everyone starting talking. Funny thing was at the end of the presentation my bosses gave they asked for feedback. I spoke up and said 'If you had done a meeting like this two months ago, I might have been persuaded to stay. Doing it every six months is shit'. They actually appreciated this and understood where I was coming from on the matter.
At the end of the meeting is where decision time came into play. I was three blocks from one of my favorite bars. Three blocks. And trust me, I had to think hard about this one. BUT I came home, did laundry, watched TV and went to bed. Gold fucking star.
Tonight is game night and I have ten people coming over in less than two hours. Need to get ready!
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Y2 D351
Charlie Kauffman movies drive me up a fucking wall. You're watching it and 30 minutes or so into you say to yourself 'oh I get it'. You have the whole movie figured out. But then you think 'no, that can't be it, there has to be something else going on. It can't be that straightforward.' Problem is, 60 minutes later, it *was* that straightforward and you're just sitting there unbelieving you just wasted 90 minutes. Don't get me wrong, the movies are excellent but frustrating. Kind of like masturbation...
So I watched a movie last night if you couldn't guess; Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Made me think about if I would have someone erased from my mind. Answer? No. You need the knowledge and the pain and the frustration to grow. To make you have character and depth. You can't take the easy way out. That was about the extent of my day, watching a movie. I went to work, did some minor stuff for the client, trained some of his employees, and called it a day. Headed over to Target to get some needed staples like fabric softener, hey it's Thursday, need to do laundry. I like doing it on Thursdays. Came home, made some Joe's Special for dinner, put another coat on the fireplace, and watched a movie. Hit the bed. Slept pretty well. I have been sleeping better, my back not withstanding, ever since I accepted the new job. Maybe because now I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel? Or because the thought of something new has my mind at ease rather than at stress levels? Dunno, don't care. Just know I am sleeping which for me is a huge improvement.
Tonight is a work dinner for my current company. I am invited according to my boss. I will go and be polite then come home and do laundry. I also need to clean as tomorrow night I am hosting another game night. Fun fun.
So I watched a movie last night if you couldn't guess; Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Made me think about if I would have someone erased from my mind. Answer? No. You need the knowledge and the pain and the frustration to grow. To make you have character and depth. You can't take the easy way out. That was about the extent of my day, watching a movie. I went to work, did some minor stuff for the client, trained some of his employees, and called it a day. Headed over to Target to get some needed staples like fabric softener, hey it's Thursday, need to do laundry. I like doing it on Thursdays. Came home, made some Joe's Special for dinner, put another coat on the fireplace, and watched a movie. Hit the bed. Slept pretty well. I have been sleeping better, my back not withstanding, ever since I accepted the new job. Maybe because now I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel? Or because the thought of something new has my mind at ease rather than at stress levels? Dunno, don't care. Just know I am sleeping which for me is a huge improvement.
Tonight is a work dinner for my current company. I am invited according to my boss. I will go and be polite then come home and do laundry. I also need to clean as tomorrow night I am hosting another game night. Fun fun.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Y2 D350
I have to stop agreeing to help people with things during the week. Once I start the new job this will become extremely essential as I will not have enough time to help out and then catch a morning train. I refuse to drive to this new job unless the world is ending (May 21st, right?) so I have to learn to say no. I helped with the movie last night and didn't get into bed until 12:30. I am very tired this morning. I am glad I have been able to help, but at what cost?
Yesterday overall was a good day. I spent some time yesterday doing a very major exercise. I put together this monster spreadsheet that shows al my debt, all my fixed costs, and my current payments. I then added formulas to figure out at my new salary level how long it will take me to pay everything off. While it's still overwhelming, I at least now see a light at the end of the tunnel. I am going to update it this weekend with actual interest rates and current total balances. I estimated the total balance and gave a flat 17% interest for everything just to get it put together. This is a huge step for me. It will give me a constant visual reminder of what I am trying to achieve. I will have to look at it all the time and before I go off and make stupid mistakes, I will have the sheet to remind me. Ironic how this is the attitude X2 always wanted me to have but it took her leaving me to achieve it.
The other good thing that happened yesterday is my bosses and I came to terms on everything. I will in fact get my normal paycheck Friday and one more on the 27th. Any money I owe them will be taken out of PTO first, pre-tax, and then I will work off the balance as a contractor after giving them $1000 in cash. It's a win-win for everyone. I should only need about 15-20 hours of side work to completely pay them off. Then I can still work for them part time to supplement my income. This will help with my payoff plans and give me some extra spending cash for savings and toys.
Overall, while tired, it was a good day with some excellent results.
Yesterday overall was a good day. I spent some time yesterday doing a very major exercise. I put together this monster spreadsheet that shows al my debt, all my fixed costs, and my current payments. I then added formulas to figure out at my new salary level how long it will take me to pay everything off. While it's still overwhelming, I at least now see a light at the end of the tunnel. I am going to update it this weekend with actual interest rates and current total balances. I estimated the total balance and gave a flat 17% interest for everything just to get it put together. This is a huge step for me. It will give me a constant visual reminder of what I am trying to achieve. I will have to look at it all the time and before I go off and make stupid mistakes, I will have the sheet to remind me. Ironic how this is the attitude X2 always wanted me to have but it took her leaving me to achieve it.
The other good thing that happened yesterday is my bosses and I came to terms on everything. I will in fact get my normal paycheck Friday and one more on the 27th. Any money I owe them will be taken out of PTO first, pre-tax, and then I will work off the balance as a contractor after giving them $1000 in cash. It's a win-win for everyone. I should only need about 15-20 hours of side work to completely pay them off. Then I can still work for them part time to supplement my income. This will help with my payoff plans and give me some extra spending cash for savings and toys.
Overall, while tired, it was a good day with some excellent results.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Y2 D349
Today's theme is:
We're a generation of men raised by women. I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer we need.
On the surface there was nothing wrong with yesterday. I went to work, I worked on things for the client, kept my head down, did my job, etc. But on the inside? I was having one of those thinking about X2 days. All day for some fucked up reason. Just different thoughts swirling through my head all day. Managed to get through the day without any incidents. I still haven't heard anything from my current bosses. But I am going to keep going into the office this week until I hear otherwise. Friday will be the big day. If I don't get paid then they can go fuck themselves.
Came home and worked on the fireplace. Got another coat of paint applied. One more and it will be good. I can see it from here and I like it. Adds a splash of color to the room. Back to today's theme...
An old friend - and I do mean old, he dated X1's sister while we were dating back in high school and the four of us went to prom together. That's how old... - posted on FB how he was done with his wife and she had screwed him over, yadda yadda. I sent a message offering to have a drink with him. We might be getting together to catch up and let him dump about his wife.
Slept on the couch last night. My back is hurting and when I sleep on the couch it helps. I need a new mattress at some point. Oh wait, this is why I am taking the new job...
We're a generation of men raised by women. I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer we need.
On the surface there was nothing wrong with yesterday. I went to work, I worked on things for the client, kept my head down, did my job, etc. But on the inside? I was having one of those thinking about X2 days. All day for some fucked up reason. Just different thoughts swirling through my head all day. Managed to get through the day without any incidents. I still haven't heard anything from my current bosses. But I am going to keep going into the office this week until I hear otherwise. Friday will be the big day. If I don't get paid then they can go fuck themselves.
Came home and worked on the fireplace. Got another coat of paint applied. One more and it will be good. I can see it from here and I like it. Adds a splash of color to the room. Back to today's theme...
An old friend - and I do mean old, he dated X1's sister while we were dating back in high school and the four of us went to prom together. That's how old... - posted on FB how he was done with his wife and she had screwed him over, yadda yadda. I sent a message offering to have a drink with him. We might be getting together to catch up and let him dump about his wife.
Slept on the couch last night. My back is hurting and when I sleep on the couch it helps. I need a new mattress at some point. Oh wait, this is why I am taking the new job...
Monday, May 9, 2011
Y2 D348
17 more days and the 'year' will be over. Amazing. My new job will start as this year of writing will end. Nice segue into year three.
Not much to talk about for yesterday. I stayed in mostly with the exception of one quick run to Home Depot to get more stripper and sandpaper. I was able to get through most of the fireplace project yesterday. I got everything stripped and sanded. Finished up by getting one coast of paint laid down. Tonight I want to do the second coat. Since I took it all the way down to bare wood, I expect this to be a three coat project. Other than working on that, didn't do much of anything yesterday. Tried playing a little Mortal Kombat in story mode but my heart wasn't into it. I am stressed out right now because I still haven't heard back from my bosses on anything. I double checked my email access and vpn access just to be sure they are still active.
Didn't talk to anyone yesterday either. Just worked on my project, watched a little animated TV and went to bed. I would like the whole week to be that way too but I doubt it. I have some things already scheduled for this week including another night of shooting on the movie. But tonight is clean. I have some stuff to work on for the client today, but nothing planned for tonight.
Oh my so called life...
Not much to talk about for yesterday. I stayed in mostly with the exception of one quick run to Home Depot to get more stripper and sandpaper. I was able to get through most of the fireplace project yesterday. I got everything stripped and sanded. Finished up by getting one coast of paint laid down. Tonight I want to do the second coat. Since I took it all the way down to bare wood, I expect this to be a three coat project. Other than working on that, didn't do much of anything yesterday. Tried playing a little Mortal Kombat in story mode but my heart wasn't into it. I am stressed out right now because I still haven't heard back from my bosses on anything. I double checked my email access and vpn access just to be sure they are still active.
Didn't talk to anyone yesterday either. Just worked on my project, watched a little animated TV and went to bed. I would like the whole week to be that way too but I doubt it. I have some things already scheduled for this week including another night of shooting on the movie. But tonight is clean. I have some stuff to work on for the client today, but nothing planned for tonight.
Oh my so called life...
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Y2 D347
Today is Mother's Day. A day I dislike for a myriad of reasons. First off and most obvious is that my mother dies 26 years ago. I think that in its own right is good enough. But add to that the fact that there is no way I am going to celebrate anything to do with X1 and you have Mother's Day. Bah fucking humbug on this one kids.
Spent the day in the house for the most part yesterday. Had to make a drive over to our director's house to get the van for last night's show, but otherwise, didn't have anything going on during the day. I started my fireplace project as I am calling it. I hate when contractors can't be bothered to do something right. As I started to sand down the fireplace to prep it for painting, I realized that instead of doing what I am doing the bastards have just kept painting over and over it. There were a good nine layers of paint on that thing. I ended up having to use paint stripper and even then I still have a layer to get through today. But it's okay, it kept me occupied as I wanted.
Headed out to the show around 9. Had a good show and was home around 3:30. Nothing exciting happened at the show and no one got yelled at. All in all, a good Saturday.
Now to go finish up the fireplace...
Spent the day in the house for the most part yesterday. Had to make a drive over to our director's house to get the van for last night's show, but otherwise, didn't have anything going on during the day. I started my fireplace project as I am calling it. I hate when contractors can't be bothered to do something right. As I started to sand down the fireplace to prep it for painting, I realized that instead of doing what I am doing the bastards have just kept painting over and over it. There were a good nine layers of paint on that thing. I ended up having to use paint stripper and even then I still have a layer to get through today. But it's okay, it kept me occupied as I wanted.
Headed out to the show around 9. Had a good show and was home around 3:30. Nothing exciting happened at the show and no one got yelled at. All in all, a good Saturday.
Now to go finish up the fireplace...
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Y2 D346
Another weekend, another hangover. And you wonder why I like Bukowski? Anyway...
Went to work yesterday and had a good day at the client. I like this guy. I do wish he had been able to offer me a full time role. I still didn't hear back from my bosses on the email sent Thursday about working out a financial deal that's equitable to both parties. I am taking a friend's advice and giving the until Tuesday before I push back. If they aren't going to pay me, why the hell shouldn't I start at the new company earlier?
Went to a birthday party last night. It was fun. A little long, but I didn't get seriously drunk, didn't spend too much money, and every got home safe and sound. All one can ask for, right?
That's about it. Pretty dull, but that's the way it is. I need to go pick up props this morning then clean the house before the show tonight. I am meeting friends pre-show and then hoping to have a really good audience and performance.
Went to work yesterday and had a good day at the client. I like this guy. I do wish he had been able to offer me a full time role. I still didn't hear back from my bosses on the email sent Thursday about working out a financial deal that's equitable to both parties. I am taking a friend's advice and giving the until Tuesday before I push back. If they aren't going to pay me, why the hell shouldn't I start at the new company earlier?
Went to a birthday party last night. It was fun. A little long, but I didn't get seriously drunk, didn't spend too much money, and every got home safe and sound. All one can ask for, right?
That's about it. Pretty dull, but that's the way it is. I need to go pick up props this morning then clean the house before the show tonight. I am meeting friends pre-show and then hoping to have a really good audience and performance.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Y2 D345
This year's journal started with some insanity, only fitting it winds down with some too. Now that I am sober, let's recap the last two days, shall we?
Wednesday:
The morning started off like hell. I was sitting and waiting for the call to come from the new company. It was driving me nuts. The fun started when I read an article in one of my feeds about how HP is building a new facility. This is to host the employees from some of the new companies it recently purchased. One of which was X2's company. No more than an hour later, I get my linkedin update for the day - oh look X2 has a new job. Yes, we are still connected on there, no I don't know why other than I don't have the balls to disconnect. There, happy, I said it? I don't have the balls. No other excuse than that. Turns out she has had a new job for a year according to her profile. Boy that made me feel like shit. Here she is completely moved on; new state, new job, new life and I am still spinning my wheels. Not getting the phone call wasn't helping. This sent me into a funk and a spiral. Why can't I move forward? Why can't I let the past go? How is it she can just move on and never look back? That lasted most of the day. The recruiter called or emailed me multiple times too asking if I had heard anything. Nope and please stop rubbing it in. During the day I did my normal work for the new client and tried to keep my sanity. Went home still on pins and needles and feeling like a failure. At 4:55pm the call comes through. After three minutes of explaining what he can do, my new boss makes me the revised verbal offer. Score! I got what I wanted salary, bonus, and options at levels that work for me. I then sent an email to my bosses telling me I was accepting a new offer and to please call me ASAP. At that point, I called some friends and headed to the bar. There's where things get um, fuzzy? I drank way too much but didn't spend too much. My friend picked up almost all of the bill which was really nice. I ended up spending some, but not as much as I normally would have in this situation. I was blind ass drunk too. Didn't matter. I was happy. The thing that got me? No phone call, no email, no nothing from my current bosses. THIS is one of the reasons I am leaving the company.
Thursday:
Woke up feeling like death warmed over and had less than an hour to clean up, sober up, and get into the office. Still nothing from my bosses. At 8:30 I couldn't take it any more and called them. What a bunch of dickheads. After PTO payout, I owe them money for the monthly draws. My expectation was to work until the 15th as a normal employee, then work part time as a contractor to pay off any outstanding. They want to hold my whole check. Which means I keep working and get nothing. Um, fuck you? Why should I give you two weeks then? If that's how we're going to play this, then I should walk right now. After six years of knowing each other, this is how it goes down? I sent them off a proposed solution that benefits BOTH sides which allows me to still get paid on the 14th and for them to have their money in no more than 3 or 4 weeks of side work. I have yet to hear back from them on this. If I don't hear back before monday, I honestly don't know if I am going to bother going into the office. Again, if they are planning on holding my check, why should I? I can just start the new job early and start getting paid there. Let's see what happens today on that front. Came home last night and cleaned the house. I may have a house guest for a while. N needs a place to stay and we talked through an arrangement which could benefit both of us, especially if I don't get paid next week. I also confirmed with my new boss, my pay days will be the 1st and 15th and there is no delay on first check. I will get a check on the 1st. Don't know how much, but I will get a check. I may have to move some payments around and deal with stuff, but I will have money. Watched TV and went to bed at a nice sane time. Have a birthday party to attend tonight. Going to be good for multiple reasons, least of which is I have a show Saturday and don't need to go nuts multiple days in a row.
That's it. Up and down. High and low. Story of my life.
Wednesday:
The morning started off like hell. I was sitting and waiting for the call to come from the new company. It was driving me nuts. The fun started when I read an article in one of my feeds about how HP is building a new facility. This is to host the employees from some of the new companies it recently purchased. One of which was X2's company. No more than an hour later, I get my linkedin update for the day - oh look X2 has a new job. Yes, we are still connected on there, no I don't know why other than I don't have the balls to disconnect. There, happy, I said it? I don't have the balls. No other excuse than that. Turns out she has had a new job for a year according to her profile. Boy that made me feel like shit. Here she is completely moved on; new state, new job, new life and I am still spinning my wheels. Not getting the phone call wasn't helping. This sent me into a funk and a spiral. Why can't I move forward? Why can't I let the past go? How is it she can just move on and never look back? That lasted most of the day. The recruiter called or emailed me multiple times too asking if I had heard anything. Nope and please stop rubbing it in. During the day I did my normal work for the new client and tried to keep my sanity. Went home still on pins and needles and feeling like a failure. At 4:55pm the call comes through. After three minutes of explaining what he can do, my new boss makes me the revised verbal offer. Score! I got what I wanted salary, bonus, and options at levels that work for me. I then sent an email to my bosses telling me I was accepting a new offer and to please call me ASAP. At that point, I called some friends and headed to the bar. There's where things get um, fuzzy? I drank way too much but didn't spend too much. My friend picked up almost all of the bill which was really nice. I ended up spending some, but not as much as I normally would have in this situation. I was blind ass drunk too. Didn't matter. I was happy. The thing that got me? No phone call, no email, no nothing from my current bosses. THIS is one of the reasons I am leaving the company.
Thursday:
Woke up feeling like death warmed over and had less than an hour to clean up, sober up, and get into the office. Still nothing from my bosses. At 8:30 I couldn't take it any more and called them. What a bunch of dickheads. After PTO payout, I owe them money for the monthly draws. My expectation was to work until the 15th as a normal employee, then work part time as a contractor to pay off any outstanding. They want to hold my whole check. Which means I keep working and get nothing. Um, fuck you? Why should I give you two weeks then? If that's how we're going to play this, then I should walk right now. After six years of knowing each other, this is how it goes down? I sent them off a proposed solution that benefits BOTH sides which allows me to still get paid on the 14th and for them to have their money in no more than 3 or 4 weeks of side work. I have yet to hear back from them on this. If I don't hear back before monday, I honestly don't know if I am going to bother going into the office. Again, if they are planning on holding my check, why should I? I can just start the new job early and start getting paid there. Let's see what happens today on that front. Came home last night and cleaned the house. I may have a house guest for a while. N needs a place to stay and we talked through an arrangement which could benefit both of us, especially if I don't get paid next week. I also confirmed with my new boss, my pay days will be the 1st and 15th and there is no delay on first check. I will get a check on the 1st. Don't know how much, but I will get a check. I may have to move some payments around and deal with stuff, but I will have money. Watched TV and went to bed at a nice sane time. Have a birthday party to attend tonight. Going to be good for multiple reasons, least of which is I have a show Saturday and don't need to go nuts multiple days in a row.
That's it. Up and down. High and low. Story of my life.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Y2 D344
I am running insanely late right now but I promise more details to come especially when I know more of what's going to happen.
First and foremost -- I GOT THE JOB.
Other highlights -- I am hung-fucking-over right now. I hate X2. I should not have made it home in one piece last night, thank you universe. And I met a nice woman last night.
Like I said, when I sober up and am not running out the door, there will be more.
First and foremost -- I GOT THE JOB.
Other highlights -- I am hung-fucking-over right now. I hate X2. I should not have made it home in one piece last night, thank you universe. And I met a nice woman last night.
Like I said, when I sober up and am not running out the door, there will be more.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Y2 D343
Last night got goofy really quick. No, I did not hear back from the new company. I did learn from the recruiter that the hiring manager's boss was out of town for a few days so it doesn't surprise me that I didn't hear back. I would like to hear back today though.
Spent the day working and actually getting some stuff accomplished. I do like this client. He was one of the folks I wished would hire me full time. I like the environment, I like the assignments, etc. It would have been perfect.
After work I met up with a couple of friends for Indian food. It was just goofy for some reason. Everything was funny and silly and we were laughing at things for no reason. It was a blast. On the way out I noticed that next to the Indian place was a bowling alley. We went in to see how much it was to bowl. Well Sunday through Wednesday it was $1 a game. Okay, we're in. That's when it got *really* goofy. A pitched of beer and three games later we were laughing our butts off.
I needed that. A cheap night out doing something silly. I had one of the best Tuesday nights I have had in a long time. I might have to plan on going bowling again soon. I forget how much fun I have doing it. I went a couple of times when I lived in the old area. There was a bowling alley on the way home from work. The kid and I went a couple of times. I never think about it but I always enjoy it.
Cross your fingers for me people that today marks the day where shit changes...
Spent the day working and actually getting some stuff accomplished. I do like this client. He was one of the folks I wished would hire me full time. I like the environment, I like the assignments, etc. It would have been perfect.
After work I met up with a couple of friends for Indian food. It was just goofy for some reason. Everything was funny and silly and we were laughing at things for no reason. It was a blast. On the way out I noticed that next to the Indian place was a bowling alley. We went in to see how much it was to bowl. Well Sunday through Wednesday it was $1 a game. Okay, we're in. That's when it got *really* goofy. A pitched of beer and three games later we were laughing our butts off.
I needed that. A cheap night out doing something silly. I had one of the best Tuesday nights I have had in a long time. I might have to plan on going bowling again soon. I forget how much fun I have doing it. I went a couple of times when I lived in the old area. There was a bowling alley on the way home from work. The kid and I went a couple of times. I never think about it but I always enjoy it.
Cross your fingers for me people that today marks the day where shit changes...
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Y2 D342
Yesterday went from 0-60 in a fucking heartbeat. And then back again just as fast. Let's see if I can remember everything that happened during the insane parts... I warn you this is long today.
Went into the client's office around 6:20 because I knew I had to leave early for my appointment in the city with the new company. This was going to be it. The last let's stare at each other and decide if we are going to fuck or cut each other loose appointment. At the client, everything was cool. I worked on his stuff, no major issues, just did what I needed to do. I left a little after 2 and headed to the train station. Got up to the city around 3:45 and headed up to the new place. Here's where things started going weird...
As I was walking up, I kept seeing X2 in every woman I passed. Well not every one, but enough of them had that 'business professional' look that I was used to seeing in her. I was seeing her in every woman. But I was seeing her how she was, what, 6? 7? years ago. When she worked in the city and took the train every day and walked from one building to another like all these other woman were doing. And that's when I had yet another moment of comprehension. The more time that passes, the more I have these. Not that I am thinking about her or missing her, I am having these moments instead where I am *understanding* her. I get it. Because what I was thinking was is this how she felt? The freedom of walking around in the city. The feel of urban life with restaurants and stores and streets and cars and everything that makes a person like me or her feel alive. Then to have to come home to suburbia and the dullness of the house and yard. Versus the vibrant intensity of being in the city. It's a different feeling. Some people hate it. Some people are happy in suburbia with the picket fence and the PTA meetings. I know she never was. I am realizing that I am not either. I got that yesterday walking the streets. I felt that sense of connection to the urban way. When I got home I could feel the pull and looking around the neighborhood it felt dead in comparison. I get it. I see how having to leave that would put a strain. I get how having to come home to me and our dull little life would drive someone to drink...
I got to their office around 4:10 and the hiring manager saw me around 4:20. He put an offer in front of me in under 30 seconds. I rejected it in less. I didn't even pick it up. He laid it in front of me, I saw the number they were offering and felt insulted and basically told him this won't work. I didn't even touch it. They were about 10k light from the numbers that had been previously discussed. He acknowledged they were light but 'we increased the stock options!'. Um yeah, no. I explained as politely yet sternly as possible that common stock on a five year vestment is essentially useless to me and I don't consider it part of the package. As far as I am concerned the number of options can be zero. That's how little they mean to me. I politely explained that I have certain financial obligations and that cash in hand is more important than any potential future monies especially when it's common stock and it's five years down the road. Inside I was seething. I told the fucking recruiter that they can stick their stock options. They are fucking worthless. In five years who knows if these people are even going to be around and worth anything. AND the number of options they were offering was ridiculous. If I average out what they were offering over the five years at a basic sum, it was basically less than I spend a month in booze. Fuck. You. We are now in what I call 'the negotiation' phase. He did offer 5 more on the spot. I said I would consider it, but would prefer 10. He said he would see what he could do. Hey guess what? If you can find 5 on the table without even blinking, you can find 10 bitch. I have to make this change worth it for me. I am not about to give up a steady gig for the potential of something. Let's see what happens.
The entire meeting? 12 minutes. I am not kidding. It took 12 fucking minutes. A 45 minute train ride there, 20 minute walk, TWELVE MINUTE MEETING. Douche. He could have called or faxed especially since he was low-balling me. I know that I probably came across as ungrateful, but fuck man, don't insult me. Just pissed me off. Especially given that he REALLY could have done this over the phone.
I left there not elated at being made an offer, but pissed off at being low-balled and at having to travel an hour and 40 minutes total for a 12 minute meeting. On the way back to the train station I did pass a place called the 'Monkey Bar'. You KNOW that if I take this job I will be going in there...
When I got home, I got a call from X1's mother. The kid made the mistake of mentioning I was interviewing to her. She calls and in her syrup sweet bullshit voice 'hi, just calling to see if you heard about the job'. Well, as a matter of fact I just got an offer and turned it down. You would have thought I told her I killed a baby. She was so bent that I turned down an offer. I told her that's part of the process sometimes. You have to negotiate. She didn't get it. She then tries to change the subject and tells me I have to get the kid insurance when she moves in. Basically I won't bore you with the details, but she was treating me like I was 15 and the kid was a baby. She got pissed off when I told her that the kid WILL get a job when she is here. Yes, she will go to school, but SHE WILL HAVE A JOB. Period. This is not up for debate. Then she starts in with how she is in bad mood and doesn't want to argue. Then why the FUCK DID YOU CALL ME? I was fuming when I got off the phone. I called X1 and told her to tell her fucking mother the following:
- She is HER MOTHER, not mine
- I am NOT 15 any more, please stop treating me as such
- YOU ARE MY EX-WIFE'S MOTHER BE HAPPY I EVEN ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE
- DO *NOT* TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY CHILD
X1 actually agreed with me on everything and felt her mother was in the wrong. Okay. Thank you. Blood pressure down. And that's when things went back to zero. That was it. The day was basically done. I had some dinner (grabbed a burger on the way home from the train station), watched TV, went to bed.
Let us all wait on pins and needles to see what today brings.
Went into the client's office around 6:20 because I knew I had to leave early for my appointment in the city with the new company. This was going to be it. The last let's stare at each other and decide if we are going to fuck or cut each other loose appointment. At the client, everything was cool. I worked on his stuff, no major issues, just did what I needed to do. I left a little after 2 and headed to the train station. Got up to the city around 3:45 and headed up to the new place. Here's where things started going weird...
As I was walking up, I kept seeing X2 in every woman I passed. Well not every one, but enough of them had that 'business professional' look that I was used to seeing in her. I was seeing her in every woman. But I was seeing her how she was, what, 6? 7? years ago. When she worked in the city and took the train every day and walked from one building to another like all these other woman were doing. And that's when I had yet another moment of comprehension. The more time that passes, the more I have these. Not that I am thinking about her or missing her, I am having these moments instead where I am *understanding* her. I get it. Because what I was thinking was is this how she felt? The freedom of walking around in the city. The feel of urban life with restaurants and stores and streets and cars and everything that makes a person like me or her feel alive. Then to have to come home to suburbia and the dullness of the house and yard. Versus the vibrant intensity of being in the city. It's a different feeling. Some people hate it. Some people are happy in suburbia with the picket fence and the PTA meetings. I know she never was. I am realizing that I am not either. I got that yesterday walking the streets. I felt that sense of connection to the urban way. When I got home I could feel the pull and looking around the neighborhood it felt dead in comparison. I get it. I see how having to leave that would put a strain. I get how having to come home to me and our dull little life would drive someone to drink...
I got to their office around 4:10 and the hiring manager saw me around 4:20. He put an offer in front of me in under 30 seconds. I rejected it in less. I didn't even pick it up. He laid it in front of me, I saw the number they were offering and felt insulted and basically told him this won't work. I didn't even touch it. They were about 10k light from the numbers that had been previously discussed. He acknowledged they were light but 'we increased the stock options!'. Um yeah, no. I explained as politely yet sternly as possible that common stock on a five year vestment is essentially useless to me and I don't consider it part of the package. As far as I am concerned the number of options can be zero. That's how little they mean to me. I politely explained that I have certain financial obligations and that cash in hand is more important than any potential future monies especially when it's common stock and it's five years down the road. Inside I was seething. I told the fucking recruiter that they can stick their stock options. They are fucking worthless. In five years who knows if these people are even going to be around and worth anything. AND the number of options they were offering was ridiculous. If I average out what they were offering over the five years at a basic sum, it was basically less than I spend a month in booze. Fuck. You. We are now in what I call 'the negotiation' phase. He did offer 5 more on the spot. I said I would consider it, but would prefer 10. He said he would see what he could do. Hey guess what? If you can find 5 on the table without even blinking, you can find 10 bitch. I have to make this change worth it for me. I am not about to give up a steady gig for the potential of something. Let's see what happens.
The entire meeting? 12 minutes. I am not kidding. It took 12 fucking minutes. A 45 minute train ride there, 20 minute walk, TWELVE MINUTE MEETING. Douche. He could have called or faxed especially since he was low-balling me. I know that I probably came across as ungrateful, but fuck man, don't insult me. Just pissed me off. Especially given that he REALLY could have done this over the phone.
I left there not elated at being made an offer, but pissed off at being low-balled and at having to travel an hour and 40 minutes total for a 12 minute meeting. On the way back to the train station I did pass a place called the 'Monkey Bar'. You KNOW that if I take this job I will be going in there...
When I got home, I got a call from X1's mother. The kid made the mistake of mentioning I was interviewing to her. She calls and in her syrup sweet bullshit voice 'hi, just calling to see if you heard about the job'. Well, as a matter of fact I just got an offer and turned it down. You would have thought I told her I killed a baby. She was so bent that I turned down an offer. I told her that's part of the process sometimes. You have to negotiate. She didn't get it. She then tries to change the subject and tells me I have to get the kid insurance when she moves in. Basically I won't bore you with the details, but she was treating me like I was 15 and the kid was a baby. She got pissed off when I told her that the kid WILL get a job when she is here. Yes, she will go to school, but SHE WILL HAVE A JOB. Period. This is not up for debate. Then she starts in with how she is in bad mood and doesn't want to argue. Then why the FUCK DID YOU CALL ME? I was fuming when I got off the phone. I called X1 and told her to tell her fucking mother the following:
- She is HER MOTHER, not mine
- I am NOT 15 any more, please stop treating me as such
- YOU ARE MY EX-WIFE'S MOTHER BE HAPPY I EVEN ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE
- DO *NOT* TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY CHILD
X1 actually agreed with me on everything and felt her mother was in the wrong. Okay. Thank you. Blood pressure down. And that's when things went back to zero. That was it. The day was basically done. I had some dinner (grabbed a burger on the way home from the train station), watched TV, went to bed.
Let us all wait on pins and needles to see what today brings.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Y2 D341
First things first -- I don't care if Bin Laden is dead. He hasn't been relevant for years. A ghost that we pull out when someone needs a scare or if we need to explain why we have to keep spending billions on a war we shouldn't be fighting anyway. Seriously, I don't normally subscribe to conspiracy theory tactics, but this ones stinks like a sardine left in the sun for too long. We are about to enter election season, gas is over $4.25 a gallon, and people are pissed off. What do we do? We decide to tell the world Bin Laden is dead - A WEEK AGO. Oh yeah, we killed him last week, we were just sitting on the body to make sure his DNA matched. Um, sure. Whatever. Now we can blame everything on his followers who have made him a martyr. What a load of bullshit.
In other news...
Spent the day around the house yesterday. It was beautiful outside and I went out for a little while mostly to run errands. I went and looked at new beds for the kid. I found a box spring and mattress set for $250 that I think I will buy in June. Money I would have used for her child support can go towards a new bed for her. She is old enough that it is time to retire the twin and get her on a queen size bed. I have an extra frame still so why not. Her room will fit it.
I also picked up some paint. I have another little painting project I want to embark upon this week. I am going to paint the trim of my fireplace and the wall opposite in a bright yellow. Brighten up the room a bit. I will start with the fireplace trim and see if the color works. Big project to keep me in the house and out of trouble. Beyond that I didn't do much yesterday. Oh, I did have one bad moment; I completely ran a red light. I was just zoning out coming back from the paint store and just went right through it. I would have had no excuse if a cop pulled me over. This one was just straight up, I missed it.
Made mac and cheese and banana walnut fudge ice cream yesterday. That kept me busy for a little while. That's about it. Felt lonely. Felt bored. Read a book. Went to bed.
In other news...
Spent the day around the house yesterday. It was beautiful outside and I went out for a little while mostly to run errands. I went and looked at new beds for the kid. I found a box spring and mattress set for $250 that I think I will buy in June. Money I would have used for her child support can go towards a new bed for her. She is old enough that it is time to retire the twin and get her on a queen size bed. I have an extra frame still so why not. Her room will fit it.
I also picked up some paint. I have another little painting project I want to embark upon this week. I am going to paint the trim of my fireplace and the wall opposite in a bright yellow. Brighten up the room a bit. I will start with the fireplace trim and see if the color works. Big project to keep me in the house and out of trouble. Beyond that I didn't do much yesterday. Oh, I did have one bad moment; I completely ran a red light. I was just zoning out coming back from the paint store and just went right through it. I would have had no excuse if a cop pulled me over. This one was just straight up, I missed it.
Made mac and cheese and banana walnut fudge ice cream yesterday. That kept me busy for a little while. That's about it. Felt lonely. Felt bored. Read a book. Went to bed.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Y2 D340
It's May 1st. In 32 days the kid will have graduated and be moved in with me. It's so close and so real. I have one more child support payment to make in about 3 weeks. And in 25 days this chapter of my life will be over. I will have survived two years. Survived is the perfect word some days too. From my bad choices to the good choices to my brother, it's all been about survival. 3 more weeks. THREE MORE WEEKS.
Yesterday was errand running and cleaning day. Did grocery shopping in the morning, cleaned the house in the afternoon, cleaned the bunny cage later in the day, and did a show last night.
I did go with a buddy of mine to help him by a TV yesterday. While I was happy to go help him pick one out, there was a definite twinge of jealousy when he spent $1200 on a 40" LED 3D TV. I remember those days. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for him and was not a jerk, but there was some jealousy. I know the reason I can't do these things any more is in part my own fault. Of course I didn't say any of this to him. It's my issue, not his.
He also came to the show last night which was kind of cool. He is actually the first of my friends to come to one of the shows. That made me feel proud. I got to introduce him to everyone and after the show he told me how impressed he was with all he saw going on. He never had thought about how much behind the scenes work goes into putting on a show like this. He got to get in early before the general crowd so he saw all the prop unloading, the setup, the pre-show decisions and last minute changes for the night, and he was genuinely impressed. Like I said, made me proud of what I was doing.
We had a good show; solid seat numbers, no major mishaps, etc. I missed one cue because I was dealing with something, but other than that it was a good clean run. Went for pie with about six others, and got home at 4:30. I do so love the fact that I am still up before most people on a Sunday even after going to bed at 4:30. Not much on the old agenda today. I may go to the store to buy a small thing of paint as I am thinking of doing some painting in the house. We shall see if I buy anything. I need to drop off props and I was thinking about hitting a thrift store as I am still looking for a new bed for the kid before she moves in and a smaller dining room table.
Off to meet the wizard...
Yesterday was errand running and cleaning day. Did grocery shopping in the morning, cleaned the house in the afternoon, cleaned the bunny cage later in the day, and did a show last night.
I did go with a buddy of mine to help him by a TV yesterday. While I was happy to go help him pick one out, there was a definite twinge of jealousy when he spent $1200 on a 40" LED 3D TV. I remember those days. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for him and was not a jerk, but there was some jealousy. I know the reason I can't do these things any more is in part my own fault. Of course I didn't say any of this to him. It's my issue, not his.
He also came to the show last night which was kind of cool. He is actually the first of my friends to come to one of the shows. That made me feel proud. I got to introduce him to everyone and after the show he told me how impressed he was with all he saw going on. He never had thought about how much behind the scenes work goes into putting on a show like this. He got to get in early before the general crowd so he saw all the prop unloading, the setup, the pre-show decisions and last minute changes for the night, and he was genuinely impressed. Like I said, made me proud of what I was doing.
We had a good show; solid seat numbers, no major mishaps, etc. I missed one cue because I was dealing with something, but other than that it was a good clean run. Went for pie with about six others, and got home at 4:30. I do so love the fact that I am still up before most people on a Sunday even after going to bed at 4:30. Not much on the old agenda today. I may go to the store to buy a small thing of paint as I am thinking of doing some painting in the house. We shall see if I buy anything. I need to drop off props and I was thinking about hitting a thrift store as I am still looking for a new bed for the kid before she moves in and a smaller dining room table.
Off to meet the wizard...
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