Y2 D342

Yesterday went from 0-60 in a fucking heartbeat. And then back again just as fast. Let's see if I can remember everything that happened during the insane parts... I warn you this is long today.

Went into the client's office around 6:20 because I knew I had to leave early for my appointment in the city with the new company. This was going to be it. The last let's stare at each other and decide if we are going to fuck or cut each other loose appointment. At the client, everything was cool. I worked on his stuff, no major issues, just did what I needed to do. I left a little after 2 and headed to the train station. Got up to the city around 3:45 and headed up to the new place. Here's where things started going weird...

As I was walking up, I kept seeing X2 in every woman I passed. Well not every one, but enough of them had that 'business professional' look that I was used to seeing in her. I was seeing her in every woman. But I was seeing her how she was, what, 6? 7? years ago. When she worked in the city and took the train every day and walked from one building to another like all these other woman were doing. And that's when I had  yet another moment of comprehension. The more time that passes, the more I have these. Not that I am thinking about her or missing her, I am having these moments instead where I am *understanding* her. I get it. Because what I was thinking was is this how she felt? The freedom of walking around in the city. The feel of urban life with restaurants and stores and streets and cars and everything that makes a person like me or her feel alive. Then to have to come home to suburbia and the dullness of the house and yard. Versus the vibrant intensity of being in the city. It's a different feeling. Some people hate it. Some people are happy in suburbia with the picket fence and the PTA meetings. I know she never was. I am realizing that I am not either. I got that yesterday walking the streets. I felt that sense of connection to the urban way.  When I got home I could feel the pull and looking around the neighborhood it felt dead in comparison. I get it. I see how having to leave that would put a strain. I get how having to come home to me and our dull little life would drive someone to drink...

I got to their office around 4:10 and the hiring manager saw me around 4:20. He put an offer in front of me in under 30 seconds. I rejected it in less. I didn't even pick it up. He laid it in front of me, I saw the number they were offering and felt insulted and basically told him this won't work. I didn't even touch it. They were about 10k light from the numbers that had been previously discussed. He acknowledged they were light but 'we increased the stock options!'. Um yeah, no. I explained as politely yet sternly as possible that common stock on a five year vestment is essentially useless to me and I don't consider it part of the package. As far as I am concerned the number of options can be zero. That's how little they mean to me. I politely explained that I have certain financial obligations and that cash in hand is more important than any potential future monies especially when it's common stock and it's five years down the road. Inside I was seething. I told the fucking recruiter that they can stick their stock options. They are fucking worthless. In five years who knows if these people are even going to be around and worth anything. AND the number of options they were offering was ridiculous. If I average out what they were offering over the five years at a basic sum, it was basically less than I spend a month in booze. Fuck. You. We are now in what I call 'the negotiation' phase. He did offer 5 more on the spot. I said I would consider it, but would prefer 10. He said he would see what he could do. Hey guess what? If you can find 5 on the table without even blinking, you can find 10 bitch. I have to make this change worth it for me. I am not about to give up a steady gig for the potential of something. Let's see what happens.

The entire meeting? 12 minutes. I am not kidding. It took 12 fucking minutes. A 45 minute train ride there, 20 minute walk, TWELVE MINUTE MEETING. Douche. He could have called or faxed especially since he was low-balling me. I know that I probably came across as ungrateful, but fuck man, don't insult me. Just pissed me off. Especially given that he REALLY could have done this over the phone.

I left there not elated at being made an offer, but pissed off at being low-balled and at having to travel an hour and 40 minutes total for a 12 minute meeting. On the way back to the train station I did pass a place called the 'Monkey Bar'. You KNOW that if I take this job I will be going in there...

When I got home, I got a call from X1's mother. The kid made the mistake of mentioning I was interviewing to her. She calls and in her syrup sweet bullshit voice 'hi, just calling to see if you heard about the job'. Well, as a matter of fact I just got an offer and turned it down. You would have thought I told her I killed a baby. She was so bent that I turned down an offer. I told her that's part of the process sometimes. You have to negotiate. She didn't get it. She then tries to change the subject and tells me I have to get the kid insurance when she moves in. Basically I won't bore you with the details, but she was treating me like I was 15 and the kid was a baby. She got pissed off when I told her that the kid WILL get a job when she is here. Yes, she will go to school, but SHE WILL HAVE A JOB. Period. This is not up for debate. Then she starts in with how she is in bad mood and doesn't want to argue. Then why the FUCK DID YOU CALL ME? I was fuming when I got off the phone. I called X1 and told her to tell her fucking mother the following:

- She is HER MOTHER, not mine
- I am NOT 15 any more, please stop treating me as such
- YOU ARE MY EX-WIFE'S MOTHER BE HAPPY I EVEN ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE
- DO *NOT* TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY CHILD

X1 actually agreed with me on everything and felt her mother was in the wrong. Okay. Thank you. Blood pressure down. And that's when things went back to zero. That was it. The day was basically done. I had some dinner (grabbed a burger on the way home from the train station), watched TV, went to bed.

Let us all wait on pins and needles to see what today brings.