Y2 D365

In this place it seems like such a shame. Though it all looks different now, I know it's still the same. Everywhere I look you're all I see. Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be...


Two years. I survived two fucking years. Amazing. And now for the last year in my life recap. It's been one hell of a roller coaster ride hasn't it kids? Let's see if we can summarize:

- Moved.
- Met a nice woman and then realized she was a nice woman and I would probably hurt her in the long run
- Fucked a 23 year old. Sorry, it's fact and I am taking credit for it
- Almost lost my job thanks to a 23 year old
- Tried repeating what I found, only to be lied to, stolen from, and hurt once more. But at least had sex with a 21 year old
- As for karmic payment, been celibate and alone for 8 fucking months. Payback is a bitch ain't it?
- Suffered through the worst financial period of my life
- Had to beg borrow and steal to stay afloat a couple of times
- Lost any semblance of pride to make the bills
- Found a new job which should turn things around
- Lost my timeshare in Hawaii
- Drank and made an ass out of myself
- Drank and nearly killed myself
- Drank and drank and drank...
- Incurred more debt than any one man should have to deal with in his life thanks to life and the IRS
- Tried to go to a doctor to get help and all he wanted to do was push drugs
- Found a group of people who love me and accept for who I am, which saved my life
- Lost a dear friend through reasons I still don't understand because he won't talk to me
- Watched my fucking brother die

And those are just the fucking highlights. People wonder why I have emotional problems. If the average person went through HALF of what I did in the last 12 months they would be blubbering idiots. Yet somehow I kept going. Somehow I made it one more fucking year. What will year three bring? Happiness? I don't know that concept. It's beyond me. Happiness isn't allowed. Moments of happiness are okay but sustained happiness is for other people apparently and not me. Will I get out of the hole? Will I find someone who actually gives a fuck about me? Will my friend who I care about deeply forgive me for whatever trespasses I committed? Will I lose even more family members?

How will you know the answers to all these? Well kids you have to keep reading, don't ya?