Y7 D50

I got hit by this huge wave of sadness/depression last night. Things were fine and then it just came over me. I started thinking too much about everything going on and everything I need to do and the monies I need to come up with and moving and leaving everyone behind and starting fresh and and and and. I just got so overwhelmed and it knocked me. Too much to process all at once. I shut down. I wish I could say I was over it but I am not. It's still eating at me. So much to do and not enough time or energy to do it. I do want to move don't get me wrong. I want out of this area and out of this place but it's a lot to process. When I went to bed last night I laid there for god knows how long and my brain went through every place I have lived in since I was 21. Every floor plan, every location. I thought about some of the places I have lived and if they would be acceptable to me today. What did I give up living in a nicer place than I should have at certain points. How did I function in some of the smaller places? How did I manage to get through everything with a child? All of these things rushed into my head. I ended up crying myself to sleep for years lost, years missed. All the emotions of the last 20 years flooding into my head.

The rest of the day was okay. Taught my class, answered some emails, and had dinner. B cooked last night. She made meatballs and I made some pasta to go with them. She had hers with gravy. I am not a gravy person and had mine on a bed of noodles instead. It was okay. Her meatballs were good but I was just not feeling all that present while eating. I hope she doesn't think I disliked them. It had more to do with my mindset than her food.

Today I have a guy from Bekins coming over to give us a not to exceed quote. I also want to call the motorcycle dealer and see about making an appointment for them to look at my bike. I need to get rid of it. That would help alleviate some of my stress. Just like with B's car, it will be one less thing I have to deal with right now. I am also going to call the apartment in OR and see if they might have something earlier. Too many things out of my control right now. I need something to solidify.