I'm doing better. Not 100% but better. We had a quiet day yesterday which was both good and bad. I like distractions, ya know?
I got up around 5 I think it was, did my morning stuff (aka this), went to the store to get toilet paper, and waited for B to wake up to do laundry. She didn't go to bed until 3:30 so I knew she wasn't going to be up any time early. When she got up around 11, we went out and ran some errands. When we got back we tackled rearranging our kitchen cabinets and finally putting away the china we bought 4 months ago. We found a 66 piece set of dinnerware at a garage sale store (that's really its name) and it's beautiful stuff that can be used for everyday. The adulting continues. We discovered we were short dinner plates and 4 saucers which I managed to find on eBay really reasonably priced. There are now 7 dinner plates and saucers on their way to us. While doing all this we discovered some of our ramekins are chipped and mismatched so we went to the kitchen store to get a new set. Luckily ramekins are actually pretty cheap. $1.50 or so each. We finished up the kitchen and B got a hankering for Benihana. She's know I am not a fan, but I love her and if that's what she wanted then so be it. Got back and settled in to finally watch Heroes Reborn. I finished re-watching all four seasons of the original show last week as I wanted to have it all fresh in my mind. I am glad I did as I would have missed some things otherwise. Like the name of the high school and middle school they show. We also watched the short series Dark Matters which aired before as a teaser. Glad we did that too because it explains quite a bit.
Finished up around 10:30 and I went off to bed. I have a light week again this week. It's making me nervous. I don't believe my job to be in jeopardy as I have trips scheduled for later in the year. The last two weeks of April I will spend on the road, but still, all these light days make me worry. Add it to the litany of things going on in my head and you see why I am having trouble. Plus I just need to be on the road. I like being on the road. Soon. 6 more weeks and then I go. I do have a 90% full month with March for teaching, just this week is light. Still, makes me anxious.
Today I am studying to retake my test on Wednesday. Let's see if I do better this time.
Monday, February 29, 2016
Sunday, February 28, 2016
Y7 D278
I tried so hard yesterday to not spiral. I really did. I managed to go until 8pm at which point all the thoughts in my head attacked and shut me down. I kept up a good game face throughout the day but just sitting did me in. I lost it. I don't know why. I just couldn't stop thinking about everything and anything and it was too much.
I went out early and did some grocery shopping. That was okay as it was still early and the store was dead. B woke up around 8 and we both ended up falling back to sleep. We were on the couch and she was half awake so I said come on, let's go back to bed. We did. Until almost 11. We then tried to go to Costco which was a huge mistake. She needed Allegra and they can't be beat on their per pill price. I did the math and it was a $60-$75 savings over buying it anywhere else. Unfortunately it was so crowded there wasn't even parking in the overflow lot. We ran a couple of other errands instead. Came back home, relaxed and cleaned. Her great grandmother's birthday was yesterday (96!) and we did a video call with them to be part of the dinner. After we tried to go to Costco again. Much better this time. We managed to get in and out.
Mae chicken stir fry for dinner and then caught up on ALL our TV. I am pretty pissed off at how Agent Carter ended. Tuesday can't get here quick enough. When that was all done that's when I broke. Nothing to distract me but my own head. Yeah. Whee. I ended up going to bed around 10 because I was just done.
Today is laundry day. Maybe I will be able to keep it together. Maybe.
I went out early and did some grocery shopping. That was okay as it was still early and the store was dead. B woke up around 8 and we both ended up falling back to sleep. We were on the couch and she was half awake so I said come on, let's go back to bed. We did. Until almost 11. We then tried to go to Costco which was a huge mistake. She needed Allegra and they can't be beat on their per pill price. I did the math and it was a $60-$75 savings over buying it anywhere else. Unfortunately it was so crowded there wasn't even parking in the overflow lot. We ran a couple of other errands instead. Came back home, relaxed and cleaned. Her great grandmother's birthday was yesterday (96!) and we did a video call with them to be part of the dinner. After we tried to go to Costco again. Much better this time. We managed to get in and out.
Mae chicken stir fry for dinner and then caught up on ALL our TV. I am pretty pissed off at how Agent Carter ended. Tuesday can't get here quick enough. When that was all done that's when I broke. Nothing to distract me but my own head. Yeah. Whee. I ended up going to bed around 10 because I was just done.
Today is laundry day. Maybe I will be able to keep it together. Maybe.
Saturday, February 27, 2016
Y7 D277
Do you know my first thought every morning when I wake up? The first thing I think about is bills. Bills bills bills. Maybe because it feels like every day when I wake up I have an email from one person or another telling me I owe them money. Not that anything is behind mind you, just regular notices but it sets my mind going every single morning. It seems like it's one thing after another. Rent. Credit cards. B needs cavities filled. Groceries need to be purchased. Every single day that's the first overwhelming thought that floods my mind. How to pay this and that and have enough left over to pay this and get this done. I am in a much better place today than I was seven years ago but it still feels like the sword of Damocles hanging over me every day. My crushing weight.
Finished class at 2 yesterday. Went to the store to get stuff for dinner because we haven't done a good grocery trip in two weeks. Yes, I am going to the store today to remedy that. More money spent. Had peppers for dinner. Tried to catch up on TV. Made it through a few shows. Still have three more to go. Thank goodness there's nothing on tonight and with the Oscars tomorrow we should be able to catch up this weekend. Need to do laundry this weekend too. Joy. Clean the house.
Unfortunately my sister isn't feeling well so they won't be coming today. On one hand I am sad as I was looking forward to seeing her, on the other, I can stay in the house and spend less money. Plus B had a horrible headache herself last night so who knows how she will be feeling today.
I am just not in the best place mentally right now. I fear a slip down brain lane coming on. I feel one of my turns coming on.
Finished class at 2 yesterday. Went to the store to get stuff for dinner because we haven't done a good grocery trip in two weeks. Yes, I am going to the store today to remedy that. More money spent. Had peppers for dinner. Tried to catch up on TV. Made it through a few shows. Still have three more to go. Thank goodness there's nothing on tonight and with the Oscars tomorrow we should be able to catch up this weekend. Need to do laundry this weekend too. Joy. Clean the house.
Unfortunately my sister isn't feeling well so they won't be coming today. On one hand I am sad as I was looking forward to seeing her, on the other, I can stay in the house and spend less money. Plus B had a horrible headache herself last night so who knows how she will be feeling today.
I am just not in the best place mentally right now. I fear a slip down brain lane coming on. I feel one of my turns coming on.
Friday, February 26, 2016
Y7 D276
I didn't mean to get up at 3:20 this morning believe me. I woke up from a dream and had to pee so bad it was painful. While I could have gone back to sleep I worried that doing so would have made me groggy and less awake. So up I am. It's all good. I did sleep well regardless and don't feel too tired.
Our friend left yesterday. She made it home in about 10 hours and got home safely. It was really nice having her here. I think B misses her more as it gave her someone to talk with while I worked. I am actually kind of glad I had to work while she was here otherwise we would have ended up spending more money trying to do things. It worked out well the way it was.
Finished class around 2:40 and took a little nap. For dinner I made mahi which came out really nice. We bought this box of frozen mahi filets at Costco and for frozen fish I have been pleasantly surprised. It's well seasoned and comes out of the oven perfect. Even B likes it which is amazing. We then settled in to try and catch up on some TV. With our friend here we fell behind a little bit. We are still somewhat behind but better. Since tonight is Friday and we have no big plans, we should be able to get pretty close to caught up if not fully caught up.
That's about it. Day two of class today. Decent group. A little dead but manageable. I don't foresee any issues today thankfully. Bills tomorrow plus groceries. Fun times.
Our friend left yesterday. She made it home in about 10 hours and got home safely. It was really nice having her here. I think B misses her more as it gave her someone to talk with while I worked. I am actually kind of glad I had to work while she was here otherwise we would have ended up spending more money trying to do things. It worked out well the way it was.
Finished class around 2:40 and took a little nap. For dinner I made mahi which came out really nice. We bought this box of frozen mahi filets at Costco and for frozen fish I have been pleasantly surprised. It's well seasoned and comes out of the oven perfect. Even B likes it which is amazing. We then settled in to try and catch up on some TV. With our friend here we fell behind a little bit. We are still somewhat behind but better. Since tonight is Friday and we have no big plans, we should be able to get pretty close to caught up if not fully caught up.
That's about it. Day two of class today. Decent group. A little dead but manageable. I don't foresee any issues today thankfully. Bills tomorrow plus groceries. Fun times.
Thursday, February 25, 2016
Y7 D275
We spent our last day with our friend yesterday. She is driving home this morning. In a few hours she will be packed and on her way. It's going to be hard for both B and me. It's been a good week with her here. We've both had someone to talk to, someone to get out of the house with, and it's just been nice. We will get my sister this weekend, but at the same time, it highlights how much we need to expand our social circle. Our one set of friends are moving a little further away, the other set we just can't seem to synch schedules with ever. This weekend I am going to look into activities in the area that might be good for us that will help us to meet some new folks. If there's one thing I miss about being on cast it was the immediate circle of friends you get. Maybe it's time to join a cast up here? No, not really, but the thought does creep into my head.
Taught until 2 and then we went to the mall. We make fun of both ourselves and our friend by doing things like going to the mall. She is a city person. Like right downtown SF kind of person. We are suburb folk no matter how much we deny it. So it's fun for her to have to drive to places and go to the mall. After walking around the mall we stopped for dinner. We then came back and watched Grease Live while just relaxing.
That was our big day. Of course now that she's leaving we have a week's worth of TV to catch up on. I know how we're spending the next two days.
Second class of the week starts today. Five students, two days. I like busy weeks. Keeps from going crazy.
Taught until 2 and then we went to the mall. We make fun of both ourselves and our friend by doing things like going to the mall. She is a city person. Like right downtown SF kind of person. We are suburb folk no matter how much we deny it. So it's fun for her to have to drive to places and go to the mall. After walking around the mall we stopped for dinner. We then came back and watched Grease Live while just relaxing.
That was our big day. Of course now that she's leaving we have a week's worth of TV to catch up on. I know how we're spending the next two days.
Second class of the week starts today. Five students, two days. I like busy weeks. Keeps from going crazy.
Wednesday, February 24, 2016
Y7 D274
Man did we have fun last night. Had 3 Advil just now for breakfast if that's any indication of what we did last night.
I woke up about 4:15, sent our friend off the couch and into the bed, and got ready to teach class. Class went from 7 until about 2:40. A full day. After class we got on the train and headed downtown. At some point we need to explore more of this state. I feel we're doing what a lot of new transplants do and think of OR as just Portland. It's a big varied state. I think soon we should take a drive somewhere else just to see what's here. Maybe Salem or Eugene. Just to explore the rest of the place. Regardless, we got downtown around 4 and went to the bookstore. About 5:40 we were all hungry so we headed to the restaurant. We had a 6:30 reservation but said the heck with it and went early. Since it was early they had no problem bumping us up.
Dinner was incredible. We spent over 2 hours at dinner. I brought a 2003 Chateau LaGrange St-Julien with us and wow. It's a 92pt rated wine and it lived up to its score. This was the greatest wine I have had in a long time. Between the wine and the food, my energy was restored. I needed a night out like this very much. We got back on the train around 8 and we got home about 9. Me and our guest were very floopy from the wine and cocktails while B of course was sober and slightly annoyed by us. I get it. The less I drink the more I see how annoying drunk people can be.
Last day of this class and our friend being here. She heads out Thursday morning and it was really nice having someone come to us. We get the same pleasure this weekend when my sister comes. I think that after this week and saturday I will be all socialized out for a while. Good.
Now to let this Advil kick in.
I woke up about 4:15, sent our friend off the couch and into the bed, and got ready to teach class. Class went from 7 until about 2:40. A full day. After class we got on the train and headed downtown. At some point we need to explore more of this state. I feel we're doing what a lot of new transplants do and think of OR as just Portland. It's a big varied state. I think soon we should take a drive somewhere else just to see what's here. Maybe Salem or Eugene. Just to explore the rest of the place. Regardless, we got downtown around 4 and went to the bookstore. About 5:40 we were all hungry so we headed to the restaurant. We had a 6:30 reservation but said the heck with it and went early. Since it was early they had no problem bumping us up.
Dinner was incredible. We spent over 2 hours at dinner. I brought a 2003 Chateau LaGrange St-Julien with us and wow. It's a 92pt rated wine and it lived up to its score. This was the greatest wine I have had in a long time. Between the wine and the food, my energy was restored. I needed a night out like this very much. We got back on the train around 8 and we got home about 9. Me and our guest were very floopy from the wine and cocktails while B of course was sober and slightly annoyed by us. I get it. The less I drink the more I see how annoying drunk people can be.
Last day of this class and our friend being here. She heads out Thursday morning and it was really nice having someone come to us. We get the same pleasure this weekend when my sister comes. I think that after this week and saturday I will be all socialized out for a while. Good.
Now to let this Advil kick in.
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
Y7 D273
I feel a cold possibly coming on. I have a throat this right on the verge of being sore and have that icky feeling in my head. Not good. Bad time to be getting a cold. I don't have time for this body. Slept pretty good last night and had some interesting dreams. Man I wish that some day we can record our dreams for later playback. But there's the huge issue of privacy. There are plenty of people out there, myself included, who wouldn't feel comfortable letting other people see their dreams. Weird shit happening sometimes and that could be way more sharing than the average person is willing to do. Regardless, I slept last night. I went to bed later than planned but that's due to our houseguest. We were socializing and I ended up going to be closer to 11 than I normally would.
Taught day one of three of my class yesterday. My group is mediocre. I know it's not my style of teaching as that doesn't change. It's more the nature of the group. There are three people from one company and they are pretty quiet people. The other two students are okay and interacting. Our friend arrived around 1:30 and I finished up a little after 2.
We spent some time catching up then headed out for dinner in Vancouver. WA not Canada. The traffic was 1000 times worse than normal and it turns out there was a huge accident on the bridge with an overturned vehicle. It backed things up like crazy. It took us 30 minutes to go less than a mile. We left the house around 4 and didn't get to the restaurant until almost 6. Mind you we're talking a 22 mile drive. It's okay though as we had a nice relaxing dinner followed by ice cream. Got back home a little after 9.
Today we are headed downtown after class. This is good for me as I have needed something to get me out of the house. Not complaining at all.
Taught day one of three of my class yesterday. My group is mediocre. I know it's not my style of teaching as that doesn't change. It's more the nature of the group. There are three people from one company and they are pretty quiet people. The other two students are okay and interacting. Our friend arrived around 1:30 and I finished up a little after 2.
We spent some time catching up then headed out for dinner in Vancouver. WA not Canada. The traffic was 1000 times worse than normal and it turns out there was a huge accident on the bridge with an overturned vehicle. It backed things up like crazy. It took us 30 minutes to go less than a mile. We left the house around 4 and didn't get to the restaurant until almost 6. Mind you we're talking a 22 mile drive. It's okay though as we had a nice relaxing dinner followed by ice cream. Got back home a little after 9.
Today we are headed downtown after class. This is good for me as I have needed something to get me out of the house. Not complaining at all.
Monday, February 22, 2016
Y7 D272
As expected my day consisted of cleaning, laundry, and errand running. A satisfying day as I can look around and see the results of my efforts. I enjoy cleaning because there is definite gratification when you are done. Especially when you vacuum. You see that you have accomplished something. I got up around whenever it is I got up, went to the store around 6 to get some things, came back, relaxed until B got up at 9, then we both dove in headfirst cleaning. I took care of the laundry, she did the kitchen and bathrooms, I did the office, then I grabbed the vac and took care of the floors. By the time we were done it was 1. We headed out for some food, stopped at the store for some garbage disposal cleaner, then headed back home. B relaxed and watched a movie. We then dyed my hair, I made dinner, and we settled in to watch some TV for the night. We decided to start a "new" show. We have been looking for something we both would enjoy and settled on Scorpion. So far we like it. We got through three episodes and it's pretty good. I think we found something we can both watch. Headed to bed around 10:30.
It was a day as expected without any real excitement or drama. I swear, things are so much more calm in our lives since moving away from the drama of cast and people. No drunken parties, no people calling at 3am to yell at us for imaginary infractions, etc. The downside of course is our social life has dropped to nothing. That part we need to remedy.
And this week we shall. Around 1 or 2 today a friend from the old area is coming to stay with us until Thursday. We will have plenty of social time the next few days. Then my sister is visiting on Saturday. I am looking forward to all of this. It will be a bit overwhelming for B but I think on some level she needs it too. When we are like this too long she can get clingy and I get frustrated so having other people around will help.
I have full classes all week this week. By my calculations it's a $16,000 week which makes me feel good. It's been a slow 1st quarter so to know I am covering costs in one week of classes relieves my brain pressure a bit.
Time to work and look at how clean my work area is! Go me.
It was a day as expected without any real excitement or drama. I swear, things are so much more calm in our lives since moving away from the drama of cast and people. No drunken parties, no people calling at 3am to yell at us for imaginary infractions, etc. The downside of course is our social life has dropped to nothing. That part we need to remedy.
And this week we shall. Around 1 or 2 today a friend from the old area is coming to stay with us until Thursday. We will have plenty of social time the next few days. Then my sister is visiting on Saturday. I am looking forward to all of this. It will be a bit overwhelming for B but I think on some level she needs it too. When we are like this too long she can get clingy and I get frustrated so having other people around will help.
I have full classes all week this week. By my calculations it's a $16,000 week which makes me feel good. It's been a slow 1st quarter so to know I am covering costs in one week of classes relieves my brain pressure a bit.
Time to work and look at how clean my work area is! Go me.
Sunday, February 21, 2016
Y7 D271
We adulted so hard yesterday. Finally throwing off the last of my past life in some ways. It was a big move on my part even if B didn't realize how much of a change this was for me. What the heck am I talking about? Flatware. Yes, that kind of flatware. Forks, spoons, knives, etc. I have had this set of pineapple silverware forever. I bought it at the Hawaiian store in town when X2 and I moved down to the beach. I clung to that set for way too long. I knew I wanted it gone internally because I would keep bringing in other pieces from hotels and restaurants. Subconsciously I knew it had to go but couldn't quite pull the trigger. Until yesterday. We have a complete brand new set of WMF Nordic flatware. WMF is a great german brand that has been around for about 160 years. If I was going to do this, I wasn't going to replace it with some cheap ass Target set. I wanted the real deal. Open our drawer now and it looks good. It looks clean.
Besides the silverware we also replaced the lamp in the front room, a light fixture in the office, and rearranged the front room to make it look more put together. The light fixture in the office is incredible. See, this place had this stupid single spotlight fixture which was useless. I was running a cord from IKEA with a cheesy shade and was tired of looking at this cable dangling down the wall and not being able to use the switch. I got a five bulb ceiling fixture that is throwing off massive light. So happy. Yeah, it's dumb, but it also helped release some of my anxiety. Moving things and updating things always gives me the feeling of order and control which helped.
That filled the majority of our day. Around 4:30 B was craving a soft taco from Taco Bell. I went out to get her one and when I got back she had fallen asleep. I ended up eating the taco I got for myself and playing some video games. When she got up she had hers. We then decided we needed out of the house and went and grabbed some dessert from the store. When we got back we settled in to watch a movie. I picked HP and the Prisoner of Azkabhan. It's what I was in the mood for, deal with it. Of course I ended up falling asleep on the couch around 10:30. I am bad at movies at home.
Other thing that happened yesterday was while we were putting up the light fixture I had to switch off the electricity. When I turned it back on, it reset the fire alarms. Boy that was fun. The cats were so freaked out. Stupid hardwired fire alarms. I finally figured out to reset it with a little help from someone from the office.
We also heard our bitch ass neighbor talking about us to the person who lives behind her. If you're going to talk about someone, try not to do it under their open window dumbass.
Pretty good day overall. Mental state is at about a 7. Feeling very put together, feeling pretty good about life in general. Our friend arrives tomorrow so today is a house cleaning kind of day. Not that things are messy, but we want it to look good for our guest. Other than that, I need to do my timesheet and laundry. Maybe we will go to the movies today and see Deadpool again.
Besides the silverware we also replaced the lamp in the front room, a light fixture in the office, and rearranged the front room to make it look more put together. The light fixture in the office is incredible. See, this place had this stupid single spotlight fixture which was useless. I was running a cord from IKEA with a cheesy shade and was tired of looking at this cable dangling down the wall and not being able to use the switch. I got a five bulb ceiling fixture that is throwing off massive light. So happy. Yeah, it's dumb, but it also helped release some of my anxiety. Moving things and updating things always gives me the feeling of order and control which helped.
That filled the majority of our day. Around 4:30 B was craving a soft taco from Taco Bell. I went out to get her one and when I got back she had fallen asleep. I ended up eating the taco I got for myself and playing some video games. When she got up she had hers. We then decided we needed out of the house and went and grabbed some dessert from the store. When we got back we settled in to watch a movie. I picked HP and the Prisoner of Azkabhan. It's what I was in the mood for, deal with it. Of course I ended up falling asleep on the couch around 10:30. I am bad at movies at home.
Other thing that happened yesterday was while we were putting up the light fixture I had to switch off the electricity. When I turned it back on, it reset the fire alarms. Boy that was fun. The cats were so freaked out. Stupid hardwired fire alarms. I finally figured out to reset it with a little help from someone from the office.
We also heard our bitch ass neighbor talking about us to the person who lives behind her. If you're going to talk about someone, try not to do it under their open window dumbass.
Pretty good day overall. Mental state is at about a 7. Feeling very put together, feeling pretty good about life in general. Our friend arrives tomorrow so today is a house cleaning kind of day. Not that things are messy, but we want it to look good for our guest. Other than that, I need to do my timesheet and laundry. Maybe we will go to the movies today and see Deadpool again.
Saturday, February 20, 2016
Y7 D270
I slept in until 5:45am this morning. Which isn't surprising since I didn't go to bed until after midnight. Look at me, staying up "late" on a Friday night. Woo. I figured out last night what's bugging me. I need to get out. I need some noise. Not just out to the store but like out to a restaurant with loud noise and people. Like on the road where I can interact with a group of people. I need social interaction. Luckily starting next week I will get it, but I have to make it until then. That's the hard part.
Taught my class from 6 to 1:45 yesterday. Was nice starting an hour early. I wish we could do that time for all classes. Took a nap from 2:30 to 4:30. Apparently I needed some sleep. I still do frankly. I need an entire day if I could afford. I thought yesterday might be that day for B. I saw via social media she woke up around 8:30, but then when I went to lunch at 9:30 she had fallen back to sleep She finally woke up around 11. Must be nice to be able to sleep like that. When I woke up, I hung the puzzle we did and had framed. Then I hung some other stuff that has been leaning against walls for months. I still haven't hung my pin boards but that's partly because I want to redo them and partly because they're a pain in the ass to hang.
For dinner she made pork meatballs. After I decided to go to Costco. I figured it would be easier to go last night than try to go during the weekend and there were a couple of things we really wanted for the week since I am home and we will have a guest.
I got back a little before 8 and we decided to really clean out the fridge before putting stuff away. Our neighbor downstairs decided this was too late and started banging on her ceiling every time we took something out and put it on the floor. Fuck you old lady. B got super pissed and banged back which just escalated things. I told her to stop antagonizing it. After we were done she wrote this email to document the incident which I in turn sent to the management company. Let's see if they say anything today.
Around 10 I decided to play some Fallout. I haven't played it in a few days and got immersed quickly. I only managed to finish one quest. Oh well. I did take out a couple of baddies much higher than me and picked up some decent armor which was cool.
That's it. Nothing on the docket for this weekend except cleaning the house before our friend arrives on Monday. She is currently in southern OR with her family and is heading to us in the early morning on Monday. It will be nice to have some company to go do something at night. Looking forward to it greatly.
Taught my class from 6 to 1:45 yesterday. Was nice starting an hour early. I wish we could do that time for all classes. Took a nap from 2:30 to 4:30. Apparently I needed some sleep. I still do frankly. I need an entire day if I could afford. I thought yesterday might be that day for B. I saw via social media she woke up around 8:30, but then when I went to lunch at 9:30 she had fallen back to sleep She finally woke up around 11. Must be nice to be able to sleep like that. When I woke up, I hung the puzzle we did and had framed. Then I hung some other stuff that has been leaning against walls for months. I still haven't hung my pin boards but that's partly because I want to redo them and partly because they're a pain in the ass to hang.
For dinner she made pork meatballs. After I decided to go to Costco. I figured it would be easier to go last night than try to go during the weekend and there were a couple of things we really wanted for the week since I am home and we will have a guest.
I got back a little before 8 and we decided to really clean out the fridge before putting stuff away. Our neighbor downstairs decided this was too late and started banging on her ceiling every time we took something out and put it on the floor. Fuck you old lady. B got super pissed and banged back which just escalated things. I told her to stop antagonizing it. After we were done she wrote this email to document the incident which I in turn sent to the management company. Let's see if they say anything today.
Around 10 I decided to play some Fallout. I haven't played it in a few days and got immersed quickly. I only managed to finish one quest. Oh well. I did take out a couple of baddies much higher than me and picked up some decent armor which was cool.
That's it. Nothing on the docket for this weekend except cleaning the house before our friend arrives on Monday. She is currently in southern OR with her family and is heading to us in the early morning on Monday. It will be nice to have some company to go do something at night. Looking forward to it greatly.
Friday, February 19, 2016
Y7 D269
I had to handle my morning issue by myself yesterday. I logged into each of the servers and manually put all the files I needed for class on to each machine. Luckily I had everything still sitting on dropbox. While it was a bit of a nuisance I managed to get it all done and configured before my students arrived. They were none the wiser that their instructor had been stressing just moments before their arrival.
Taught, went all the way up to 3. Then we went to the grocery store to get a couple of things for last night's dinner. Mahi with asparagus and fruit. While B isn't a huge fish eater, she didn't mind the mahi too much. Personally I enjoyed it quite a bit.
We watched some TV, played some games, read, and went to bed around 10:30. Only a couple more days until our friend gets here and we get to be social. I don't go on the road until the end of April and it's starting to drive me crazy. I need to get out. I need to be on the road. It will be three months I have been at home. This is a record for me. Too much staring at these same walls. I am about to start rearranging furniture. I need some kind of outlet. Heck I even loaded up an old ass video game because none of the new ones appealed to me and B had the TV so no fallout for me. Starting to lose my mind.
Nothing else exciting going on. If the rain would stop for a minute I would go on a bike ride. I am not complaining mind you. I like the rain but it also keeps me inside a bit too much. We need some friends. Correction, we need to either see the friends we have (who are all busy with shit in their own lives) or make some new ones. I might lookup some classes for us tonight. Maybe a cooking class or something similar. Just something to get us the fuck out of this house.
We are starting class an hour early today which will be nice. I will be done by 2 at the latest. Start my weekend early. Because we have oh so much to do. Yeah. Right.
Taught, went all the way up to 3. Then we went to the grocery store to get a couple of things for last night's dinner. Mahi with asparagus and fruit. While B isn't a huge fish eater, she didn't mind the mahi too much. Personally I enjoyed it quite a bit.
We watched some TV, played some games, read, and went to bed around 10:30. Only a couple more days until our friend gets here and we get to be social. I don't go on the road until the end of April and it's starting to drive me crazy. I need to get out. I need to be on the road. It will be three months I have been at home. This is a record for me. Too much staring at these same walls. I am about to start rearranging furniture. I need some kind of outlet. Heck I even loaded up an old ass video game because none of the new ones appealed to me and B had the TV so no fallout for me. Starting to lose my mind.
Nothing else exciting going on. If the rain would stop for a minute I would go on a bike ride. I am not complaining mind you. I like the rain but it also keeps me inside a bit too much. We need some friends. Correction, we need to either see the friends we have (who are all busy with shit in their own lives) or make some new ones. I might lookup some classes for us tonight. Maybe a cooking class or something similar. Just something to get us the fuck out of this house.
We are starting class an hour early today which will be nice. I will be done by 2 at the latest. Start my weekend early. Because we have oh so much to do. Yeah. Right.
Thursday, February 18, 2016
Y7 D268
GODDAMMIT. I woke up this morning expecting to have an easy morning before I start class and discovered they gave me the wrong servers for this class. I have 2 hours to get 4 new servers and of course no one is responding yet. Motherfucker.
Spent the day working on a presentation and managed to get it finished. That was the bulk of my day. Required me to tweak my installations and get some stuff working which took some time. B worked on some crocheted items for a friend, we played some video games, had chicken for dinner, and watched some TV. God my life is boring as fuck. Just shoot me.
I am angry and frustrated already and it shows. We need a better process for this shit so I can stop stressing out early in the morning. Or I don't know, maybe someone can give me the access I have asked for for the last year? No, wait, that would just be logical.
Fuck.
Did confirm a couple of things. Starting next week we are going to be pretty social which will be nice. We have a friend visiting Mon-Thurs, then my sister is visiting on Saturday. Maybe I will actually leave the house.
Spent the day working on a presentation and managed to get it finished. That was the bulk of my day. Required me to tweak my installations and get some stuff working which took some time. B worked on some crocheted items for a friend, we played some video games, had chicken for dinner, and watched some TV. God my life is boring as fuck. Just shoot me.
I am angry and frustrated already and it shows. We need a better process for this shit so I can stop stressing out early in the morning. Or I don't know, maybe someone can give me the access I have asked for for the last year? No, wait, that would just be logical.
Fuck.
Did confirm a couple of things. Starting next week we are going to be pretty social which will be nice. We have a friend visiting Mon-Thurs, then my sister is visiting on Saturday. Maybe I will actually leave the house.
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
Y7 D267
I just realized I have been sleeping better. I haven't woken up at 3 in at least a week. More between 4:30 and 5:00. I can handle that. I also have been dreaming more. Which in turn means I am sleeping deeper and better. I don't have any logical reason why I am sleeping better, but I am not going to complain about it either.
Spent the day reviewing the areas I missed on the test from Monday. I got back a detailed breakdown of the areas I need to improve on and at least now can focus. I also did another install of our main software on my laptop. I now have two fully functional sandbox environments. I am pretty pleased with myself on this.
B and I went out to the store to get a frame for our puzzle and some new shoes for her to run. I paid good money for that treadmill and want her to use it. Buying shoes was a no brainer. Man, I think back to how much money I wasted going out and drinking. Not to mention my health and sanity. Alcohol is an asshole people. Never forget that. In the last year I have had less drinks than I would have in 2 weeks back 5 or 6 years ago. Amazing.
Watched a little TV, had pork chops for dinner, went to bed around 10. I was super tired last night. But again, not complaining. I need the sleep.
Today I have a presentation to work on plus some more studying to do. Then finally I teach the next 7 days straight. Good to feel useful again.
Spent the day reviewing the areas I missed on the test from Monday. I got back a detailed breakdown of the areas I need to improve on and at least now can focus. I also did another install of our main software on my laptop. I now have two fully functional sandbox environments. I am pretty pleased with myself on this.
B and I went out to the store to get a frame for our puzzle and some new shoes for her to run. I paid good money for that treadmill and want her to use it. Buying shoes was a no brainer. Man, I think back to how much money I wasted going out and drinking. Not to mention my health and sanity. Alcohol is an asshole people. Never forget that. In the last year I have had less drinks than I would have in 2 weeks back 5 or 6 years ago. Amazing.
Watched a little TV, had pork chops for dinner, went to bed around 10. I was super tired last night. But again, not complaining. I need the sleep.
Today I have a presentation to work on plus some more studying to do. Then finally I teach the next 7 days straight. Good to feel useful again.
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
Y7 D266
I had a major blow to my ego yesterday. I took a certification test and failed. I only missed it by 2 or 3 questions, but still. It was a 2.5 hour test and I used 2 hours and 12 minutes of that time only to fail. The questions just didn't work for my brain. I am a technical person not a business analyst. I can't think in terms of "which countries had a 50% profit margin based on the moving 12 month average of sales by sub-category?". That's a real question. My response is huh? The ones that asked technical questions "can you do this", "what is this called" I did fine on. It was the ones that needed me to think like an analyst. "Create a binned histogram with buckets of sum of sales with $1000 and determine which bins have profit greater than 5%". Ugh. I am going to crash study the next two days and retake the test in a week. Maybe this time I will pass.
In more positive news, we bought a coffee table. Yay us. After 6 years I retired my leopard ottoman which I have been using as a table. I don't want to throw it away though and need to find some place to store it. In the future it will be perfect for some room. Yeah the future that will never come. Oh yeah, Vanity of Vanity 6 fame died at 57 last night. Whee.
B's treadmill arrived yesterday. We spent some time rearranging things and assembling it. Getting it up three flights of stairs was a hell of a workout in itself. But now it's here. She better use it is all I know.
Watched Lucifer and Magicians last night. Went to bed around 10:30. Had trouble sleeping. My knee and shoulder are both bothering me. Fuck being old.
In more positive news, we bought a coffee table. Yay us. After 6 years I retired my leopard ottoman which I have been using as a table. I don't want to throw it away though and need to find some place to store it. In the future it will be perfect for some room. Yeah the future that will never come. Oh yeah, Vanity of Vanity 6 fame died at 57 last night. Whee.
B's treadmill arrived yesterday. We spent some time rearranging things and assembling it. Getting it up three flights of stairs was a hell of a workout in itself. But now it's here. She better use it is all I know.
Watched Lucifer and Magicians last night. Went to bed around 10:30. Had trouble sleeping. My knee and shoulder are both bothering me. Fuck being old.
Monday, February 15, 2016
Y7 D265
101 days to go. Leap year. One damn extra day this month. Sometimes I think about the calendar. Wouldn't it have been easier to have a 13th month? 12 months at 28 days and one month with 29. But we live with what we have.
Faking it worked mostly yesterday. I managed to swallow everything and have a good day. B got me a nice little Valentine's day package including a new book, a Monster in the one flavor I like (Ultra Blue), some butterfinger minis, and some payday snacks. Her real present comes today so I got her some new ice cubes she's wanted and a magazine about Hamilton. I called it "Hamilton and Chill". Yeah I know. It's bad. But it worked so there.
We went to the mall to the candy store to get ourselves some valentine's day candy and a butter beer for her friend in Australia. Came back, we both took a nice nap, and then we finished our puzzle! What better day than the anniversary of our first date to finish the puzzle she got me for our wedding anniversary. We're now going to glue it and frame it. We were both so happy to finish it.
For dinner I told her she could have anything she wanted as long as we stayed in. She opted for sloppy joes and tater tots. Worked for me.
Watched a little TV and went to bed around 11:30.
Today I am taking my certification test for some software. Let's see how that goes.
Faking it worked mostly yesterday. I managed to swallow everything and have a good day. B got me a nice little Valentine's day package including a new book, a Monster in the one flavor I like (Ultra Blue), some butterfinger minis, and some payday snacks. Her real present comes today so I got her some new ice cubes she's wanted and a magazine about Hamilton. I called it "Hamilton and Chill". Yeah I know. It's bad. But it worked so there.
We went to the mall to the candy store to get ourselves some valentine's day candy and a butter beer for her friend in Australia. Came back, we both took a nice nap, and then we finished our puzzle! What better day than the anniversary of our first date to finish the puzzle she got me for our wedding anniversary. We're now going to glue it and frame it. We were both so happy to finish it.
For dinner I told her she could have anything she wanted as long as we stayed in. She opted for sloppy joes and tater tots. Worked for me.
Watched a little TV and went to bed around 11:30.
Today I am taking my certification test for some software. Let's see how that goes.
Sunday, February 14, 2016
Y7 D264
I spiraled yesterday. Hard. Around 10am I just shut down. The upside is I managed to get almost all of the puzzle done. The downside is I said about 10 words for the rest of the day. I don't know why I crashed so hard mentally. The morning was going fine. I went out at 7 and got the car washed (which was a smart thing because by 9 it was pouring rain), went to the store and grabbed B some flowers, and some wrapping paper for her other gifts for today, and was doing just fine when I got back. But then something clicked in my brain and I was gone.
Made for a very quiet day for sure. I tried taking a nap to see if that would help but it didn't. I was the same when I woke up. We ended up not leaving the house for the rest of the day. Just worked on that damn puzzle.
B was able to marathon Suits and is now caught up so there's that.
Went to bed at 10 hoping it would fix things. I don't know. I am still off but fake it until you make it, right?
Made for a very quiet day for sure. I tried taking a nap to see if that would help but it didn't. I was the same when I woke up. We ended up not leaving the house for the rest of the day. Just worked on that damn puzzle.
B was able to marathon Suits and is now caught up so there's that.
Went to bed at 10 hoping it would fix things. I don't know. I am still off but fake it until you make it, right?
Saturday, February 13, 2016
Y7 D263
Why do I keep writing? Is it for me? Is it cathartic any more? I don't know. Do I like to hear myself talk? Of course I do. I'm human. I think. Not sure. Never been sure of that one.
Got through my class then took a much needed nap. Went out to the store to get a couple of things. Came home, B made stuffed peppers for dinner. I am always remind of Everybody Loves Raymond when she makes those. Deborah's big dish on that show was her 'lemon chicken'. It was the one thing she could always make to perfection, that always tasted good, and Raymond loved. I feel that way about B's peppers. She always makes them perfectly.
Watched some TV, did laundry, went to bed. Another day in my life. Yay me.
Got through my class then took a much needed nap. Went out to the store to get a couple of things. Came home, B made stuffed peppers for dinner. I am always remind of Everybody Loves Raymond when she makes those. Deborah's big dish on that show was her 'lemon chicken'. It was the one thing she could always make to perfection, that always tasted good, and Raymond loved. I feel that way about B's peppers. She always makes them perfectly.
Watched some TV, did laundry, went to bed. Another day in my life. Yay me.
Friday, February 12, 2016
Y7 D262
I don't care what plans you had for this weekend, change them and go see Deadpool. Seriously. It was the funniest, greatest movie I have seen in a long, long time. Yes I know it technically opens today, but many theaters started showing it last night and we went to a 7pm showing. Words fail on how incredibly awesome this movie is. As Iron Man remade and revitalized Robert Downey Jr's career, Deadpool has made Ryan Reynolds. Anything he has done in the past has been erased thanks to this 1 hour and 48 minutes.
So my morning started stressed out with no servers. I emailed and texted my boss every half hour from 4:30 until 6 when he finally responded. Luckily everything was up and running by 6:30. My students had no clue how bad I was freaking out prior to their arrival. Four students, all of whom have been in my classes before which made life very easy. During my lunch break, B asked if I pre-ordered Deadpool tickets as we had talked about seeing it in the fancy theater. Since we decided not to see it there, I hadn't ordered tickets. Her friend back in MI was going to a midnight showing so I looked up if it was playing anywhere here early. Lo and behold at 7pm there was a showing near us. Boom, tickets purchased.
Finished up class around 2:40 and then went to the store to get something quick for dinner. We were going to need to leave early for the movie which derailed having a complicated or long cook time dinner. I grabbed a pre-cooked chicken and we had an early dinner around 5. We knew it would be a little crowded at the theater and left the house at about 5:15. Got there at 5:30 and we were first in line. Yay us! By 6 there were at least 100 people behind us. Best decision ever getting there super early. We were first in the theater and had our choice of seats.
Got home around 9:30, grabbed last night's tv shows, and went to bed around 10:30.
Today is day two of class, followed by a weekend of laundry and cleaning. Nothing exciting planned. Our Valentine's Day will be low-key. No big gestures scheduled. I have a gift on order - a treadmill - but it doesn't get here until Monday. And yes, I know how it sounds ordering your wife a treadmill for Valentine's day, but it's what she wanted therefore it's what she gets. I have a couple of smaller things coming too which I can give her on Sunday.
Going out last night helped my mental state. Plus I got paid this morning which is helping even more. I will do bills either tonight or tomorrow and will feel even better.
So my morning started stressed out with no servers. I emailed and texted my boss every half hour from 4:30 until 6 when he finally responded. Luckily everything was up and running by 6:30. My students had no clue how bad I was freaking out prior to their arrival. Four students, all of whom have been in my classes before which made life very easy. During my lunch break, B asked if I pre-ordered Deadpool tickets as we had talked about seeing it in the fancy theater. Since we decided not to see it there, I hadn't ordered tickets. Her friend back in MI was going to a midnight showing so I looked up if it was playing anywhere here early. Lo and behold at 7pm there was a showing near us. Boom, tickets purchased.
Finished up class around 2:40 and then went to the store to get something quick for dinner. We were going to need to leave early for the movie which derailed having a complicated or long cook time dinner. I grabbed a pre-cooked chicken and we had an early dinner around 5. We knew it would be a little crowded at the theater and left the house at about 5:15. Got there at 5:30 and we were first in line. Yay us! By 6 there were at least 100 people behind us. Best decision ever getting there super early. We were first in the theater and had our choice of seats.
Got home around 9:30, grabbed last night's tv shows, and went to bed around 10:30.
Today is day two of class, followed by a weekend of laundry and cleaning. Nothing exciting planned. Our Valentine's Day will be low-key. No big gestures scheduled. I have a gift on order - a treadmill - but it doesn't get here until Monday. And yes, I know how it sounds ordering your wife a treadmill for Valentine's day, but it's what she wanted therefore it's what she gets. I have a couple of smaller things coming too which I can give her on Sunday.
Going out last night helped my mental state. Plus I got paid this morning which is helping even more. I will do bills either tonight or tomorrow and will feel even better.
Thursday, February 11, 2016
Y7 D261
Not really doing any better. I am stressed out right now because I have a class in 2.5 hours and have no servers. I fucking hate when this happens. I am the one in the hot seat when shit like this happens. I have to explain to these people that my boss fucked up and didn't bring up the servers. Fuck me.
Spent the day doing some decent work. I managed to install and configure a local instance of some software. Took me all day but by 4 I had it up and running. Unfortunately I can't use it for my class today otherwise I would.
Took one break to run some errands. B needed her ring and bracelet serviced for their six month inspection. Everything looked good on both. Stopped at the grocery store, then hit Costco for a couple of things. Paid some bills. Stressed about money between now and tomorrow. We will be fine but I can still be stressed.
Caught up on TV, worked on our puzzle. Almost done with the puzzle amazingly enough. We have made more progress on it in the last few days than in the last month combined. Soon enough it will be done and hanging on the wall. Her idea, not mine.
Went to bed around 10:30. So stressed out right now. Fuck.
Spent the day doing some decent work. I managed to install and configure a local instance of some software. Took me all day but by 4 I had it up and running. Unfortunately I can't use it for my class today otherwise I would.
Took one break to run some errands. B needed her ring and bracelet serviced for their six month inspection. Everything looked good on both. Stopped at the grocery store, then hit Costco for a couple of things. Paid some bills. Stressed about money between now and tomorrow. We will be fine but I can still be stressed.
Caught up on TV, worked on our puzzle. Almost done with the puzzle amazingly enough. We have made more progress on it in the last few days than in the last month combined. Soon enough it will be done and hanging on the wall. Her idea, not mine.
Went to bed around 10:30. So stressed out right now. Fuck.
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
Y7 D260
Sigh. I don't know. I just don't know. Nothing makes sense right now. I don't want to do what's being asked of me, I don't have the skills desired, I am stuck in a rut. I am lost. Lost in my head. I can't see a way out. It sucks.
Did nothing yesterday. Downloaded some files for work. Failed at trying to do an install. Can't seem to do anything right at the moment.
Worked on our puzzle. Only thing I made any progress on. Everything else is spinning.
Too hot in here. Can't breathe.
Just want to give up for a while.
Did nothing yesterday. Downloaded some files for work. Failed at trying to do an install. Can't seem to do anything right at the moment.
Worked on our puzzle. Only thing I made any progress on. Everything else is spinning.
Too hot in here. Can't breathe.
Just want to give up for a while.
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
Y7 D259
Home, home again. I like to be here when I can.
Made it home. So glad to be here too. I never in my life thought I would want out of an area so bad as I did yesterday. We ended up not going back to the park which in hindsight turned out to be a good decision since the Denver Broncos ended up being there having a parade. It would have been insanity with all the foosball fans. I am honestly glad we dodged that bullet. Instead, we had breakfast, then came back to the room to back. B ended up falling back to sleep while I watched some Netflix.
Sorry I paused while writing to pay a bill. My bonus is coming on the next check on Friday but I had something that I thought was due already and wanted to take care of it. Just get it out of the way. Turns out it isn't due until the 21st but whatever. It's paid.
We left the hotel around 10 and headed to the airport. We stopped on the way to get gas and dropped the car off around 10:45. Got through security and was inside the Admiral's club by 11:30. We then had 2 hours to kill. Joy. We ate lunch, read, caught up on emails, listened while the most annoying sales guy made four phone calls, and finally at 2:15 boarded our flight home.
Two and a half hour flight, uneventful. Got off the plane around 5 and headed for the train. It took us a while to get home with commuters and the like. Finally got in the door around 7. The kitties were so happy to see us. Made coming home worth it. B wanted Zoup so I went out and grabbed some for her. Watched Magicians while eating, unpacked, and collapsed into bed around 10.
I teach Thursday and Friday this week but have today and tomorrow to do some admin stuff. I have a conference call with one client tomorrow for 2 hours, but otherwise, I can ease back into the week. We need to get some more classes on the books. I am feeling really light right now which of course freaks me out. I have about 2 months of savings for rent at least if something were to happen, but man I don't want to deal with that. Great. Now I made myself paranoid.
Made it home. So glad to be here too. I never in my life thought I would want out of an area so bad as I did yesterday. We ended up not going back to the park which in hindsight turned out to be a good decision since the Denver Broncos ended up being there having a parade. It would have been insanity with all the foosball fans. I am honestly glad we dodged that bullet. Instead, we had breakfast, then came back to the room to back. B ended up falling back to sleep while I watched some Netflix.
Sorry I paused while writing to pay a bill. My bonus is coming on the next check on Friday but I had something that I thought was due already and wanted to take care of it. Just get it out of the way. Turns out it isn't due until the 21st but whatever. It's paid.
We left the hotel around 10 and headed to the airport. We stopped on the way to get gas and dropped the car off around 10:45. Got through security and was inside the Admiral's club by 11:30. We then had 2 hours to kill. Joy. We ate lunch, read, caught up on emails, listened while the most annoying sales guy made four phone calls, and finally at 2:15 boarded our flight home.
Two and a half hour flight, uneventful. Got off the plane around 5 and headed for the train. It took us a while to get home with commuters and the like. Finally got in the door around 7. The kitties were so happy to see us. Made coming home worth it. B wanted Zoup so I went out and grabbed some for her. Watched Magicians while eating, unpacked, and collapsed into bed around 10.
I teach Thursday and Friday this week but have today and tomorrow to do some admin stuff. I have a conference call with one client tomorrow for 2 hours, but otherwise, I can ease back into the week. We need to get some more classes on the books. I am feeling really light right now which of course freaks me out. I have about 2 months of savings for rent at least if something were to happen, but man I don't want to deal with that. Great. Now I made myself paranoid.
Monday, February 8, 2016
Y7 D258
Now yesterday was a good day. I made sure B had a good birthday. I even went over to Target when they opened at 8 to make sure she had birthday cards here to open. Yes, I forgot to bring some with me. I know that was my stupid move.
She slept in until about 8. I was about around 6. We had breakfast then headed to the park. Much less crowded than Saturday. It was still pretty full, much more than I expected with foosball on, but nowhere near as crazy as Saturday. We could tell immediately by the parking lot and the bag check lines. We wandered a bit, had lunch, relaxed, headed back to the hotel around 2 to get ready for dinner. Went back to the park around 4:30. Had dinner at Carthay at 6:40. We did run into some friends which was nice. We got to spend the perfect amount of time with them. Unfortunately due to wind, World of Color was cancelled which kind of sucked. We headed back to the hotel around 10:30 and off to bed at 11.
We head home later today. We intentionally got a later flight so we didn't have to rush this morning. Already happy about that decision.
She slept in until about 8. I was about around 6. We had breakfast then headed to the park. Much less crowded than Saturday. It was still pretty full, much more than I expected with foosball on, but nowhere near as crazy as Saturday. We could tell immediately by the parking lot and the bag check lines. We wandered a bit, had lunch, relaxed, headed back to the hotel around 2 to get ready for dinner. Went back to the park around 4:30. Had dinner at Carthay at 6:40. We did run into some friends which was nice. We got to spend the perfect amount of time with them. Unfortunately due to wind, World of Color was cancelled which kind of sucked. We headed back to the hotel around 10:30 and off to bed at 11.
We head home later today. We intentionally got a later flight so we didn't have to rush this morning. Already happy about that decision.
Sunday, February 7, 2016
Y7 D257
The park was so crowded yesterday, we didn't even get off the shuttle bus. Seriously. In the morning after being serenaded by the annoying shits singing we went down to breakfast. Luckily everyone else had left and it was just us down there. We then headed over to the park. I knew something was up when they redirected us to the back parking lot. That's never a good sign. The bus was packed. When we got to the park entrance, the line for bag check was 200+ deep. We said nope. Take us back please. The driver tried to convince us to stay but we were adamant about it. We ended up driving to the beach where I used to live and had a nice walk on the beach. After we walked around the mall and then headed back to the hotel.
B started feeling kind of sick and was running a bit of a fever so we rested. We went to McCormick and Schmick's for dinner then back to the hotel where we watched Top Chef. Assholes were being noisy again and I had to yell at people again.
This has been a frustrating trip. This is usually a very dead time in the park and area and it's been hard on us. We both miss home very much. Today is B's birthday and we have a dinner reservation at 6:30pm. Otherwise we are both ready to head back. We have also decided we need to give Disneyland a break for a while. It's changed too much and we need some time away.
That's about it.
B started feeling kind of sick and was running a bit of a fever so we rested. We went to McCormick and Schmick's for dinner then back to the hotel where we watched Top Chef. Assholes were being noisy again and I had to yell at people again.
This has been a frustrating trip. This is usually a very dead time in the park and area and it's been hard on us. We both miss home very much. Today is B's birthday and we have a dinner reservation at 6:30pm. Otherwise we are both ready to head back. We have also decided we need to give Disneyland a break for a while. It's changed too much and we need some time away.
That's about it.
Saturday, February 6, 2016
Y7 D256
We are here. And so is the Valley Lutheran Faith High School. Noisiest fucking people on the face of this earth. Going to kill so many of them.
We left for the airport yesterday at 4. No issues there. Got through security and relaxed in the club until it was time to board. Thanks to my new level we boarded right after first which was nice. We also had the exit row so plenty of room. Got to OC around 9, got the car, and made it to Disneyland at 10. The fucking place was ridiculously crowded. Apparently yesterday was a holiday for the fucking kids here. Washington's birthday. SO many goddamn people, 80 degrees, and it was I hate to admit, awful. We enjoyed ourselves to some degree but it was also frustrating. We came on a Friday on purpose.
Headed to the hotel around 2, took a nap, then went to Bubba Gump's for dinner. That was great. We love that place. After we went back to the park for a while, did some shopping, and tried to relax. It was still too crowded. Got back to the hotel around 10 and that's when the Jesus kid's decided to make noise. (Update they are out in front of the hotel right now fucking harmonizing. DEATH TO THEM!) Finally got them to shut up and fell asleep around 11:30.
Going to complain this morning on our way out about the noise. Off to breakfast.
We left for the airport yesterday at 4. No issues there. Got through security and relaxed in the club until it was time to board. Thanks to my new level we boarded right after first which was nice. We also had the exit row so plenty of room. Got to OC around 9, got the car, and made it to Disneyland at 10. The fucking place was ridiculously crowded. Apparently yesterday was a holiday for the fucking kids here. Washington's birthday. SO many goddamn people, 80 degrees, and it was I hate to admit, awful. We enjoyed ourselves to some degree but it was also frustrating. We came on a Friday on purpose.
Headed to the hotel around 2, took a nap, then went to Bubba Gump's for dinner. That was great. We love that place. After we went back to the park for a while, did some shopping, and tried to relax. It was still too crowded. Got back to the hotel around 10 and that's when the Jesus kid's decided to make noise. (Update they are out in front of the hotel right now fucking harmonizing. DEATH TO THEM!) Finally got them to shut up and fell asleep around 11:30.
Going to complain this morning on our way out about the noise. Off to breakfast.
Friday, February 5, 2016
Y7 D255
Standing in the shower thinking about what makes a man an outlaw or a leader. I'm thinking about power the ways a man could use it or be destroyed by it. The water hits my neck and I'm pissing on myself.
We are about to leave for Disneyland and I should be in a good place. For the most part I am. Recently I have written more about the factual things that have happened and less about the mood or the mental state of things. I think this is because I have the same demons coming up so often I have learned to simply ignore them. It's like they are so a part of me that I fail to recognize they're an important part of the decisions that reflect on the things that I do.
I guess the point is I have been spending more time in my head lately than I like. I am worried. Constantly worried. I feel guilty I can't do more. I feel saddened by the fact that the world is moving on without me because I am stuck. Stuck in a vicious cycle. I just want ahead. I want to actually look at these houses being built or up for sale and have a chance. I am tired of paying 27% interest on a credit card because I just can't give them a large enough chunk to drop it down. I am tired of always being behind. Don't get me wrong. Things are better than they were three years ago. Three years back I had $31 in my savings account. Today we have $3600. It's not a lot but it's a significant improvement. I think that's my problem. I just don't feel like I am making any headway. I have been entering contests and sweepstakes lately to try for that magic. $50,000 would change everything. It would be the most beautiful thing in the world. Life changing. $25,000 would be a significant help. Fuck, even $5,000 right now would make a huge difference. So I enter. I type my name and give away my email in the hope that somehow someway I can do it. I am also considering a new job. I know what it would do to my sanity but I want to move forward. I need to move forward. But will it be worth it? What's the price of moving ahead if it costs me my sanity, my freedom, my health? I don't know. These are the demons I battle with all day, every day. Am I good enough? Am I providing enough? Am I being a good husband? Father? Man? Human being? I don't know. The answer more often than not is no. You're a failure. You're useless. I see 20 somethings doing things I should be doing. B doesn't seem to mind because to her the future is ahead of us. She swears where we are is good. She loves our apartment. She loves how we're doing. How is she going to feel when she is 30 and I am still in the same fucking boat? To me the future is a big black pit of despair. Sigh.
Spent the day trying to put together a Windows environment to do testing and work. Took me until 6pm to finally get a hold of the right person to get the MS downloads and get my hand on the ISO I needed. Finally. I now have a 64bit Win 10 VM. What a challenge.
Packed. Got some last minute stuff for the trip. Went to bed at 9 to get up at 1:30. We leave for the airport in 2 hours. I need to ... I don't know what I need any more.
We are about to leave for Disneyland and I should be in a good place. For the most part I am. Recently I have written more about the factual things that have happened and less about the mood or the mental state of things. I think this is because I have the same demons coming up so often I have learned to simply ignore them. It's like they are so a part of me that I fail to recognize they're an important part of the decisions that reflect on the things that I do.
I guess the point is I have been spending more time in my head lately than I like. I am worried. Constantly worried. I feel guilty I can't do more. I feel saddened by the fact that the world is moving on without me because I am stuck. Stuck in a vicious cycle. I just want ahead. I want to actually look at these houses being built or up for sale and have a chance. I am tired of paying 27% interest on a credit card because I just can't give them a large enough chunk to drop it down. I am tired of always being behind. Don't get me wrong. Things are better than they were three years ago. Three years back I had $31 in my savings account. Today we have $3600. It's not a lot but it's a significant improvement. I think that's my problem. I just don't feel like I am making any headway. I have been entering contests and sweepstakes lately to try for that magic. $50,000 would change everything. It would be the most beautiful thing in the world. Life changing. $25,000 would be a significant help. Fuck, even $5,000 right now would make a huge difference. So I enter. I type my name and give away my email in the hope that somehow someway I can do it. I am also considering a new job. I know what it would do to my sanity but I want to move forward. I need to move forward. But will it be worth it? What's the price of moving ahead if it costs me my sanity, my freedom, my health? I don't know. These are the demons I battle with all day, every day. Am I good enough? Am I providing enough? Am I being a good husband? Father? Man? Human being? I don't know. The answer more often than not is no. You're a failure. You're useless. I see 20 somethings doing things I should be doing. B doesn't seem to mind because to her the future is ahead of us. She swears where we are is good. She loves our apartment. She loves how we're doing. How is she going to feel when she is 30 and I am still in the same fucking boat? To me the future is a big black pit of despair. Sigh.
Spent the day trying to put together a Windows environment to do testing and work. Took me until 6pm to finally get a hold of the right person to get the MS downloads and get my hand on the ISO I needed. Finally. I now have a 64bit Win 10 VM. What a challenge.
Packed. Got some last minute stuff for the trip. Went to bed at 9 to get up at 1:30. We leave for the airport in 2 hours. I need to ... I don't know what I need any more.
Thursday, February 4, 2016
Y7 D254
I think I did it. I think I finally reset my clock. 5:20am I woke up. So happy. Of course, tomorrow I have to be up at 1am for us to go to the airport, so yeah there's that. But I should be able to sleep all weekend with no problem. We don't leave Monday until 2 something in the afternoon and I don't need to get up early any other day. Hopefully I can ride this momentum.
In the morning I did some work stuff. I worked on updating my Windows VM so I could do an install of some software to check out. Then I got the software, and am playing with it. It makes me remember how much I hate windows.
Wished the kid a happy birthday. One of her packages did arrive yesterday which was cool as she had something to open on her birthday.
At 10:15 we headed out to take B to the dentist. Now that she has insurance she can see doctors and dentists. Yay. It's near downtown and while only 16 miles on paper, it took us 40 minutes to get there. Not a big fan of having to head that direction during the day I have come to discover. But we found the dentist and discovered we really like the neighborhood. While she was getting her teeth done, I walked around and looked at some real estate signs on windows. Man, it drives me nuts. I wish we had the damn down to get into something. The monthly would be no problem. Just the damn down payment. But I am working on it. Some day.
After her dental appointment she was okay to eat and we found a really good BBQ place. She had pulled pork and cornbread which was a perfect texture for her while I had ribs and sausages. Really good food.
Got back around 2, she took a nap and I went to Costco to get a couple snack things for the trip. This is a partner flight and I don't expect us to have decent seats or get a bump unfortunately. I want to make sure we have some snacks ready for us.
We didn't do a formal dinner since we had a big lunch and we are trying to keep the fridge empty before we leave. Around 7:30 my friend and his gf came over to get keys. They are going to keep on eye on the cats while we are gone. Watched some TV, played some Lego Avengers, and went off to bed around 10.
One more day and we are off. This is going to be nice since it's a real trip. Not just a drive to the park. No, we are flying, getting a rental car, the whole nine yards. Very excited for this weekend.
In the morning I did some work stuff. I worked on updating my Windows VM so I could do an install of some software to check out. Then I got the software, and am playing with it. It makes me remember how much I hate windows.
Wished the kid a happy birthday. One of her packages did arrive yesterday which was cool as she had something to open on her birthday.
At 10:15 we headed out to take B to the dentist. Now that she has insurance she can see doctors and dentists. Yay. It's near downtown and while only 16 miles on paper, it took us 40 minutes to get there. Not a big fan of having to head that direction during the day I have come to discover. But we found the dentist and discovered we really like the neighborhood. While she was getting her teeth done, I walked around and looked at some real estate signs on windows. Man, it drives me nuts. I wish we had the damn down to get into something. The monthly would be no problem. Just the damn down payment. But I am working on it. Some day.
After her dental appointment she was okay to eat and we found a really good BBQ place. She had pulled pork and cornbread which was a perfect texture for her while I had ribs and sausages. Really good food.
Got back around 2, she took a nap and I went to Costco to get a couple snack things for the trip. This is a partner flight and I don't expect us to have decent seats or get a bump unfortunately. I want to make sure we have some snacks ready for us.
We didn't do a formal dinner since we had a big lunch and we are trying to keep the fridge empty before we leave. Around 7:30 my friend and his gf came over to get keys. They are going to keep on eye on the cats while we are gone. Watched some TV, played some Lego Avengers, and went off to bed around 10.
One more day and we are off. This is going to be nice since it's a real trip. Not just a drive to the park. No, we are flying, getting a rental car, the whole nine yards. Very excited for this weekend.
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
Y7 D253
YES!! I FINALLY GOT A FULL NIGHT'S SLEEP! YAY ME! Slept from 10:30 until 5:30. That's the most sleep I have had in over a month. I feel rested and while I could use another hour or two to really catch up, I am happy.
Spent the day doing more document work. Got all of our classes updated to 2016. Also made sure everything has the same font, same color scheme, same header styles, etc. It was a lot of work but totally worth it. Also had a two hour team meeting with my boss and coworker. We went over some of the stuff we want to do in 2016, what our numbers were for 2015, what new technologies we should be looking at, etc. As a result, I have some additional stuff to look into today including creating my own server with the latest software install plus looking at a new piece of software. I will be doing that today. There is no one offering training on this stuff and it will be a huge win for us if we can create a course. I will be playing with it today to see how it looks.
In the morning I went and got the ingredients to make stuffed peppers for dinner. It's one of the things B cooks really well and I really enjoy. For the next two nights however we are eating nothing but leftovers as we want the fridge empty before we leave Friday morning. Only two more days until Disneyland!! Whee!!
Big thing today is it's the kid's birthday. Already sent her a message and her packages should arrive today so while they're not truly birthday gifts, they will at least arrive on her birthday.
Watched some TV last night, worked on our puzzle, packed for our trip, and then went off to bed. A good day.
Spent the day doing more document work. Got all of our classes updated to 2016. Also made sure everything has the same font, same color scheme, same header styles, etc. It was a lot of work but totally worth it. Also had a two hour team meeting with my boss and coworker. We went over some of the stuff we want to do in 2016, what our numbers were for 2015, what new technologies we should be looking at, etc. As a result, I have some additional stuff to look into today including creating my own server with the latest software install plus looking at a new piece of software. I will be doing that today. There is no one offering training on this stuff and it will be a huge win for us if we can create a course. I will be playing with it today to see how it looks.
In the morning I went and got the ingredients to make stuffed peppers for dinner. It's one of the things B cooks really well and I really enjoy. For the next two nights however we are eating nothing but leftovers as we want the fridge empty before we leave Friday morning. Only two more days until Disneyland!! Whee!!
Big thing today is it's the kid's birthday. Already sent her a message and her packages should arrive today so while they're not truly birthday gifts, they will at least arrive on her birthday.
Watched some TV last night, worked on our puzzle, packed for our trip, and then went off to bed. A good day.
Tuesday, February 2, 2016
Y7 D252
I slept so much better last night. Managed to sleep in until 4:15. Not sure what I am doing differently if anything, but I am not arguing it. I am just happy to sleep. Only 3 more days until we are in Disneyland. I am excited. It's been since November for me and August for B. We both need this trip. She needs to go to Disneyland and I need to get out of the house. Been stuck in here for too long. Need a good road trip.
Worked on some documents yesterday and got quite a bit accomplished. Update the look and feel of 8 out of 15 classes. I can easily finish the remaining 7 today. Everything will look the same when I am done. All the same font sizes, all the same order, new end slides in all of them. This makes me happy. This kind of work we never seem to have the time for and it's nice to be able to focus on it without anyone stopping me.
Early in the morning I went to the store to get something for dinner. Ended up getting a tri-tip which I put in the slow cooker around 9. Let that baby sit all day.
Took a break around 11 to take B to Target. She needed a couple of things for our trip. Nothing major. She also is encouraging me to go through pre if I get it. I was going to go through the regular line with her, but she told me not to. Okay. Not going to argue with her. We have a 'late' flight by my standards - almost 7 am. I have the car service picking us up at 4 which should give us plenty of time. I am going to try and check us in this morning but I don't know if it will work because this is a partner flight. Now that I am platinum I have a 3 day window to log in but on partner flights it might only be 24 hours. I shall know in about 2 hours.
Worked on my docs until about 2. I went over to the spa for an eyelash tint as they were looking pretty washed out. Got back and we watched some TV, finally finished Psych. It is currently moving over to the archive drive right now. Had dinner and then we watched X-Files, Lucifer, and The Magicians. Busy night. B has a friend in Australia and they correspond via email. She went off into the bedroom while I watched Lucifer. It isn't capturing her attention like it is me. No biggie. She has plenty of shows that I don't get. Like Suits. She has been watching that and while I can see some appeal, it doesn't quite hold my attention.
Went to bed around 11. Today is more doc writing with a conference call at 10 with my boss and coworker. Kind of an end of year review and plans for this year. Let's see how that goes. I guess I am looking forward to it? I also need to start packing and figuring out what to bring this weekend. Right now I am leaning towards jeans and t-shirts. What a shock. I will probably bring one nice shirt for our dinner on Sunday.
Nothing more going on. Just happy I slept.
Worked on some documents yesterday and got quite a bit accomplished. Update the look and feel of 8 out of 15 classes. I can easily finish the remaining 7 today. Everything will look the same when I am done. All the same font sizes, all the same order, new end slides in all of them. This makes me happy. This kind of work we never seem to have the time for and it's nice to be able to focus on it without anyone stopping me.
Early in the morning I went to the store to get something for dinner. Ended up getting a tri-tip which I put in the slow cooker around 9. Let that baby sit all day.
Took a break around 11 to take B to Target. She needed a couple of things for our trip. Nothing major. She also is encouraging me to go through pre if I get it. I was going to go through the regular line with her, but she told me not to. Okay. Not going to argue with her. We have a 'late' flight by my standards - almost 7 am. I have the car service picking us up at 4 which should give us plenty of time. I am going to try and check us in this morning but I don't know if it will work because this is a partner flight. Now that I am platinum I have a 3 day window to log in but on partner flights it might only be 24 hours. I shall know in about 2 hours.
Worked on my docs until about 2. I went over to the spa for an eyelash tint as they were looking pretty washed out. Got back and we watched some TV, finally finished Psych. It is currently moving over to the archive drive right now. Had dinner and then we watched X-Files, Lucifer, and The Magicians. Busy night. B has a friend in Australia and they correspond via email. She went off into the bedroom while I watched Lucifer. It isn't capturing her attention like it is me. No biggie. She has plenty of shows that I don't get. Like Suits. She has been watching that and while I can see some appeal, it doesn't quite hold my attention.
Went to bed around 11. Today is more doc writing with a conference call at 10 with my boss and coworker. Kind of an end of year review and plans for this year. Let's see how that goes. I guess I am looking forward to it? I also need to start packing and figuring out what to bring this weekend. Right now I am leaning towards jeans and t-shirts. What a shock. I will probably bring one nice shirt for our dinner on Sunday.
Nothing more going on. Just happy I slept.
Monday, February 1, 2016
Y7 D251
Only 4 more days until we are in Disneyland! This will be the first time we have flown to Disneyland which will be really interesting. Plus as a Platinum customer I theoretically should be able to check in tomorrow. Let's see if that works or not. Since it's a partner flight the 3 day window might not count. Either way I should be able to get us boarding first. It's a quick trip, there on Friday, home on Monday but it's a real vacation paid for just by us. I wish my bonus had come through as promised but it shouldn't be too bad.
Did nothing yesterday. Literally nothing. Our big excursion was to the grocery store to buy ingredients for dinner. I made thai coconut chicken curry for dinner. Turned out really good too. I was surprised at how well it came out to be honest. First time ever making curry. We watched some TV, almost done with Psych. Only 3 more episodes and we will be done and I can move it off to the archive drive. I need to clean house soon and get rid of some shows. I have had Plex running simultaneously with iTunes and the only reason we don't use it solely on the TV is the remote isn't programmed for it. I might get off my lazy ass today and do that. I don't have much scheduled for work this week so another week of documentation cleanup. We have needed to clean up all our classes and this is the perfect time. I am also going to take the Tableau test this week. Let's see if I pass. I may also try to go to DMV this week and apply for an Oregon license. Something I have needed to do since we moved.
That's about it. My mental state has been pretty good lately, B is feeling a little better mentally as well. She's just having a bout of her own head stuff right now. I can empathize with it. You just have to ride it out. Not much else that you can do.
Two days until the kid's birthday, 6 days until B's. Busy week for that.
Did nothing yesterday. Literally nothing. Our big excursion was to the grocery store to buy ingredients for dinner. I made thai coconut chicken curry for dinner. Turned out really good too. I was surprised at how well it came out to be honest. First time ever making curry. We watched some TV, almost done with Psych. Only 3 more episodes and we will be done and I can move it off to the archive drive. I need to clean house soon and get rid of some shows. I have had Plex running simultaneously with iTunes and the only reason we don't use it solely on the TV is the remote isn't programmed for it. I might get off my lazy ass today and do that. I don't have much scheduled for work this week so another week of documentation cleanup. We have needed to clean up all our classes and this is the perfect time. I am also going to take the Tableau test this week. Let's see if I pass. I may also try to go to DMV this week and apply for an Oregon license. Something I have needed to do since we moved.
That's about it. My mental state has been pretty good lately, B is feeling a little better mentally as well. She's just having a bout of her own head stuff right now. I can empathize with it. You just have to ride it out. Not much else that you can do.
Two days until the kid's birthday, 6 days until B's. Busy week for that.
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