ANA Y1 D116

 A mostly uneventful day finally. I've needed one of those. I taught from 8:30 - 4:30, went out for Pho with biker boy, home at 7:30, watched TV, went to bed at 10:30. That was it. I did move some more of B's furniture down into my office. But that was the most exciting thing I did. My tinnitus is doing good, my cold is not. Still full of snot and phlegm. I made a decision to break up with the gf. I am tired of her neediness. Plain and simple. She is too clingy, too domesticated, too a lot of things for me. Last night I posted something on Insta and TWELVE SECONDS later she liked it. Bitch, I don't even like my spouse's shit that fast. That's just giving off some creeper vibes. Plus things are going really well with the new girl and I would like to see how that goes. I like the distance you get in an ENM relationship, but managing multiple people becomes exhausting. I need to get rid of one. GF is the most logical one to drop. I know I am giving up guaranteed sex, but so be it. The other stress this relationship is costing me isn't worth it. I don't think she is going to take it well but it must be done. Sigh. We will see how this goes. 

New group today and the rest of the week. Group tonight.

ANA Y1 D115

I thought I was going to relax yesterday. Silly me. Instead I worked my ass off. It took an actual argument between me and B though. They were hemming and hawing again about moving shit and I lost it. I told them my boundaries in no uncertain terms and they described their feelings. I held to my guns though. The issue was they didn't understand or feel I had communicated clearly enough that I want them fully downstairs and separate from my living space. For me this seemed a no brainer issue. Apparently it wasn't. They thought they would still get an office upstairs. Um, no? We got through it and it was the catalyst needed to make some progress. I got a ton of my clothes upstairs, they got more shit packed from their office, and I was even able to get my vanity out. I will start moving some of their furniture in here next. But I need them to pack up more stuff. The goal is still the end of the month. We will see if they hit it.

They went out around 2 and got home at 10, I moved stuff, played video games with friends, ate leftovers, and did laundry. Not a bad day. A little more work than I planned but not horrible. Today begins week two of four teaching. 8:30 - 4:30 today. Then going to dinner with biker boy. Hopefully that will be fun.

ANA Y1 D114

I got me some decent sleep for once. 6.5 hours. I had to take NyQuil again though. I can't shake this cold. I am still testing out negative so it is what it is. Maybe if I stop running around and coming home at 2 in the morning I would feel better. Hmm. Time to stay home for the night? Yes, yes it is. 

Yesterday felt too busy. I went to the pet store. I went here, I went there. I did stuff around the house. I setup a clothing rack for B to motivate them to get shit out of my basement. I ordered a new dresser for me for the bedroom. They did finally start doing some packing. Getting a little closer every day. They have 12 days to be out of my space. Not my house, just my space.

My highlight yesterday was getting my lashes done. I love them but I will not be doing this again. Too much upkeep, too much money. It's a nice treat, but not something I could handle doing regularly. Yes, I will put a pic at the end. The nails I can maintain, the lashes I cannot.

Went to the bar last night. Meh. I am getting tired of that space and the vibe. It's not filled with my kind of people sadly. Just not feeling it as we head into winter. It was fun in the summer though. I like hanging out with my friends, but that's as far as it goes. Maybe I would have felt better if it wasn't for this cold. Nothing planned for today thankfully. Just going to relax

ANA Y1 D113

My therapist is the best. I am so very grateful to have found her. She really gives me the right way to say things without starting a fight or cause trouble. I like that. Case in point, I was expressing yesterday my frustration at B's lack of progress with their office. Because until their office moves down here, both of us are split between two worlds. That also means they are spending way too much time upstairs talking on the damn phone with cgf. I needed the words to express why this is hurtful and how it makes me feel stuck that they haven't moved forward. My therapist helped me formulate the right words and last night after class before we both went out, B and I had a productive talk. As of right now, the large furniture is out of that office and now they can work on boxing up some of the smaller things. I expect this week to see some excellent progress. This is super important because once my office is moved upstairs, B can have this whole downstairs to themselves, I can have the upstairs and separate lives can begin. The goal is to be done with this by the end of the month. I think we can do it. We both are going to be spending time with others the weekend of October 6th. CGF is in town and B plans on staying with them at an Airbnb. I booked a hotel out of town and I plan to stay with, shit I need a name for her, um, how about NG for new girl? Yeah, let's go with that. NG and I are planning a weekend in Holland. I am going to drive there Friday afternoon, they will meet me, if all goes well, we spend the night together, putz around Holland all day saturday, then they go home, and I will go home Sunday morning. B is planning to be with CGF Thursday night through Monday night. This will be good for both of us. But so much of it hinges on us already being out of the same bed. We're so close. We also discussed how and why them talking on the phone hours a day is hurtful for me. They understood and said they would do better at making their conversations more private. This is all I can ask for right now.

While B and I are making progress, they are losing ground with old friends. Two of whom are flat out now *my* friends. No one asked anyone to 'choose sides' in all this, but it's happened naturally. They are not there for these people who have been with them for 15+ years. One I talked to on the phone last night who conveyed they're tired of this shit, the other I had dinner with last night and heard the same thing. I have been there more for them in the last few months than B and they are both tired of it. While I feel for B, I am happy to know I have friends available to me as I need them moving forward. Makes all of this easier for me to handle. When I start feeling dark two or three months from now, I know I will have local people to turn to for help. I know I have many of you always available to me, but you're not here. You're thousands of miles away and sometimes I need someone at 2am to just give me a hug. I will, no I DO, have that this time around. Gee, maybe this is why I haven't had to take a buspar in weeks or why my tinnitus hasn't flared up in days. Gosh. 

In other news, I had a good talk with a client/friend yesterday. Some of my clients over the years have definitely turned into friends. This one in particular is in PA and we had a nice chat yesterday. I told him everything that's been going on this summer with me, he in turn shared his upcoming divorce, his new girlfriend, how his side business is going, etc. Truly was two friends talking. He is going to be in Detroit soon for work and we will get together for drinks. I am looking forward to that. Nice to have a friend near enough that I can visit if I want to get out of town for any reason.

Taught my last formal day with group 1 from the Humane Society. Next week is an informal day with them, then four days with group 2. Oh yeah, two full weeks of teaching them. Then I teach Boeing for a week. Then Wright College. Then someone else. Welcome to the busy season.

Today is lash day!! Very excited for this. Then going out to the club with friends. Tomorrow I plan on doing nothing, but today is going to be fun!

ANA Y1 D112

So guess who is back to sleeping in 30 minute chunks? Why? Because you know who came back earlier than expected. I can't say as I blame them. They were asked to do more than they anticipated in regards to taking care of our friend's house. If it was just taking care of the house and dogs, this wouldn't be a problem. But our friend also decided to Airbnb their upstairs at the exact same time. They assumed B would be okay with staying there, taking care of the dogs, AND dealing with some stranger checking in to the house. PLUS as I have said before, those dogs are fucking a pain. They are too big, too untrained, and just exhausting. The final straw came last night when B was trying to talk them and they pulled so much it ripped the skin from B's hand. That's when they sent a polite text to our friend saying it was too much for them to handle and someone else needed to finish up for B. Well then turned into a phone call which turned into a devolved situation with people hanging up on each other and frankly, a pretty much end to their friendship. Me? Oh, I am over here on the sidelines just drinking my tea bitches. Like for real. I am living my own life. Me and my tinnitus which has been quiet for two days. But since B came home last night, there were lights on, tv watching, phone conversations being had - basically disruptions to my sleep which for two nights was peaceful and quiet. I need them out of this house or at least down in the basement. This shit needs to happen. 

I had a consultation yesterday morning with a speech pathologist. I am looking into some voice therapy. I don't know if this is going to be a good match though because of scheduling. I am going to see if I can make it work, but no promises. 

In general, I had a good day. Taught my group, then had a date. A real date. We went for Italian, spent like 2 hours talking, goodnight kiss sort of thing. I will be seeing her again. She lives a little far away from me, but that kind of works. Someone I can see maybe once or twice a month, we can live our own lives, spend time together, but not be attached at the hip. I can tell there is a mutual feeling because she took my hand at one point during dinner and there was a longer than needed pause before she let go. I dug that. Came home, B shared their drama, I said okay, watched TV and went to bed. 

Today is therapy, bills, and more teaching. Having dinner with a friend tonight and enjoying my bloody weekend. Speaking of the weekend, biker boy got jealous I went on a date. Oops. He was like "will you still make time for me?". I'm just over here going, well you know my schedule is pretty busy. He then was asking if I like pho and wants to take me to a place near his house. I responded with "well, are you asking me out on a real date?". He paused and said yes he was. Fine. I accept. I think we're going to go out Sunday. On Saturday I am getting lash extensions and am very excited about it. B has plans Saturday and Sunday and once again, don't expect to see them. Oh well. No crying over here bitches.

ANA Y1 D111

Had a rough night last night. Still suffering from some bad heartburn and indigestion. Had Indian food last night which, while really good at the time, is kicking my ass. I went to bed around 10:30 but was up from 12:30 until 1 in pain. Chewing tums like crazy. Woke up again at 2 with the same problem. Luckily I don't have any obligations until a little later in the morning. 

My ears have finally calmed down from Tuesday's show. I spent all day yesterday just annoyed because they were screaming at me. Old age sucks. You wonder why I say I will be alone for a while this time? Old people don't find new partners. We just kind of die off.

Taught, went out to dinner with my gf, then we went to target, had ice cream, and came home. For once she came to me instead of me spending the gas. I was grateful for that. One of these days soon her and I will be able to do things on like a weekend instead of just Wednesday nights. Soon. 

B was by the house a couple of times but otherwise I have no idea what they are doing. No anxiety or problem with that in my mind. Honestly. We're both being respectful at this point and not posting shit on social media that would upset the other. I know it's going to change in the future, but for now, it works. 

Another day of teaching, a voice therapy consultation at 9:30, and then a date at 5:30. I do plan on being home reasonably early though. Have therapy tomorrow morning and want to go to bed at a reasonable time. I am looking forward to sleeping in this weekend.

ANA Y1 D110

 I don't know what's going on with blogger today, but hopefully you can all read my post. Sorry.

Here's some pics and the link again.

https://photos.app.goo.gl/7TiVkUqcNDKXXwq2A

Here's my post in raw text too:

Sweet bejeebus what a show. I'm running on 5 hours of sleep but still elated from last night. I waited a long time for that show and was not disappointed one bit. I still have ringing in my ears, but that's okay. Plus the house is empty and will be empty for the remainder of the week. I'm okay with that. We even started talking about them spending nights with cgf when she comes and visits in October. It's all going to hinge on if we get these offices swapped and I can stop being in the basement. When I am not in the basement they can live down here and it can become their own space. This will help with the separation. It will bring us closer to being true roommates which will make everything go smoother in the long run. At least that's the hope. My goal is for them to be living down here during Oct/Nov, then by December we're truly living our own lives so in Jan/Feb they can move out and we can move on. In many ways I am ready for them to go. But also things last night were good. That's probably the last concert we will see together and I got to really take it in. I savored each moment. I took many pics (link at the end) and watched their face as they (and the rest of the audience) sang along to every song. That's a memory I will treasure for the remainder of my days. This is how you divorce people. With closure and celebration.

My cursor was being weird. I had to delete and start over. Odd.

Anyway yesterday overall - I taught in the morning. No issues there. Taught from 9-1. B left around 1 to go housesit. I went to Old Navy to find some black jeans to wear last night. I looked good. Felt good too. Broke a nail while trying on jeans. Hey they were really skinny, okay? Luckily my girl was able to fix it last minute. Got home, had some food, got ready for the show. Okay, it tried fucking up my cursor again so no more line breaks apparently. Whatever. B and her sister showed up around 5 and we headed out about 5:30. Got to the venue at 6. Ready for this? FIFTY DOLLARS for parking. You read that right. $50. But we were in the garage right next to the stadium and we got out in like 10 minutes. Still. Fifty fucking dollars. Rip off. They did one super smart thing and had a merch trailer outside the show to give us all something to do while waiting to go in. We got six shirts, 2 each. Love them and will wear them to death. Doors opened at 6:30 or so, grabbed some food, made our way to our seats. Two opening acts (never heard of either of them) then at 9:30 MCR hit the stage. 2 hours later crying and happy we all filed out. Dropped B's sister off, got home, then B left. I finally got into bed around 1 and fell asleep at 1:30. We shall see how this week goes for me. Curious myself to see my mental state.

ANA Y1 D109

After 2.5 years of waiting, tonight is MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE! I am very excited!! In part I am excited because well basically, it's about fucking time! The reschedule after reschedule has been super annoying. I am just happy it's finally happening! Row 11 seats. Many pics will be taken! Super excited even if it is a Tuesday. Plus B is leaving today to spend the next 5 days house sitting at our friend's house. This will be a wonderful trial run for me. Last time they did this we weren't communicating so it tripped me out and stressed me out. This time is different. This time we're in a good place. So go, have a blast. Live your life. I will definitely be living mine. I have shit to do pretty much every night. I will enjoy not having to worry about turning on lights or making noise. Oh yeah I need to look up new dishes and silverware today because I am letting B have the old shit. I also want to replace the shower curtain in the bathroom. Little touches to make it mine.

I taught Human Society yesterday. Decent group. Have four more days with this session then a second session next week. Plus I have Prudential today, Boeing in two weeks, state of ID, and some new group. I am booked through October. Tis that time of year where I work double time. Not complaining at all. Rather have that than the other bullshit.

After class went to my nail girl for a fill and for her to fix my hair. Had a great time chatting with her. Got back around 7, made B and me a grilled cheese, played some video games, watched some TV with B, went to bed around 10:30. I am very okay with boring days like yesterday. May I continue to have more of them.  

ANA Y1 D108

Yesterday was okay. It was a good 'trial run' of things in some ways. I didn't see B for more than two hours I would say max. First they went out to brunch, then went on a "drive", then spent the night on the phone. I got to spend the day alone. As I kind of wanted. It was a bit lonely, but I survived. I think the issue too was that being sick I didn't have the motivation or energy to see anyone. I got three invites to do things - two person wanted me to come over and hang out, another wanted to go bowling - but I chose to nap and play video games. Needed the recharge. I started playing a new game and ended up playing for over 4 hours. I took NyQuil before bed which helped also. I slept soundly through the night for once. Honestly I didn't do much yesterday. Leftovers were had for food, naps were taken, video games played. Oh, I did laundry. I guess that was the most exciting thing I did. I spent an hour talking with an old friend back in CA. Brought them up to speed on everything. No surprises or shocks from them. Like everyone to be honest, she saw this coming. Hell, we all did.

Teaching and nails are on the agenda for today. New group, teaching them 4 out of 5 days this week. 5  hour sessions each day. 12:00 - 5 which isn't horrible. I can wake up slowly, but still done at a reasonable time. I have a few of these sessions over the next few weeks. Between three different clients, I am teaching the next four weeks straight. Good. Make me feel useful. 

I would like to see B crack back down on schoolwork this week. They slacked towards the end of last week. But cgf starts their new job today which should help. Three 12 hour shifts per week. 8-8 is what B told me. Which means noon - midnight our time. This should be interesting. Plus, starting tomorrow B is supposed to housesit and be gone entirely until Saturday. Let's see how my brain handles it. I am really looking forward to getting my office upstairs and not being in the basement any more. It will make my mental state healthier and make this transition easier.

ANA Y1 D107

 I had a pretty decent day yesterday but it was painful. Really painful. I moved everything from the guest room down into the basement and set it all up for B. This is now their space downstairs:

Not too shabby, right? But it was the cold reality of it that hit me. They then spent the few hours awake where I saw them sitting on that bed talking to CGF. Once again making me feel like there is something wrong with me. Whatever. I am over it. I hope. 

What does the guest room look like now? Well, I spent the rest of my time getting it prepped to be my music/gaming/library room. Here's what I got accomplished:

I can't do any more because we need to store some of the stuff in B's office in there. Once they have a place for their shit, then I can finish moving the rest of mine. I can handle this temporarily. I hope. 

After all that, I went to my friends where we had a pizza and talked for like 3 hours. I stopped at the bar on the way home to see my friend's new car but they weren't there. I stayed for like 20 minutes and came home. Got home around 11:30. In bed by midnight.

Still feeling icky. Was going to go on a road trip today but am passing. Most of the stuff where I was headed is closed on Sunday. Not worth the time. Plus I need the rest. Need to get through this stupid cold. Might take a nap sooner rather than later. I teach every day next week, nails appt tomorrow, MCR on Tuesday, gf time Wednesday, a date on Thursday. Busy week ahead of me. I need the rest.