Y3 D191

I don't know how long I have this morning since right now I am on public transportation. It's a long story which I will explain tomorrow, but for now I need to type kind of quick.

I don't know why I need to be so paranoid at times. Is it because of the things X1 and other women have done to me in the past? Maybe.

Went to work yesterday and did a semi-normal day of 10 hours. Nothing insane but longer than one should have to for a regular day. I was having issues during the day because I sent a text to TGF in the morning and didn't hear back from her until like 2pm. It's hard because we went from a massive amount of communication to very little literally overnight. We talked about it last night some, not enough to make me happy, but some.

During the day I spoke with a doctor nearby here to discuss my friend's alcohol issues. A couple of us are discussing bringing in professional help to assist with the problem and I was doing research. I don't want to say much more at this time since I don't know where things are going to lead. But the woman seems to be promising in what she can do for us which is good. We will see where it leads.

Left around 5 and needed to pick the kid up as she needed to hit the mall for her job. They were missing some paperwork in her file and until it was complete she wasn't able to work. This of course stressed her out but it was okay. It ended up being some stupid things that they had missed on the application forms like her initials in a couple of places. Once that was done we headed home.

TGF came over last night and was in what appeared to be a good mood. Honestly everything between us seems fine. Whatever has been bugging her the last few days truly I now believe has nothing to do with me. If I am being naive about this, then she is one hell of a good actress. We went out and had some nice alone time over sushi, talked about everything and nothing at the same time.

Got back home and watched Always Sunny which was hilarious. There have been some flat spots this season but last night was dead on. True to the show's roots. Really enjoyed the hell out of it. We then watched a Buffy/Angel and headed to bed.

Yes, we had sex. You know, I was speaking with a friend yesterday and we were discussing the concept of hope and fantasy. We hold on to little fantasies even though the rational & logical part of our brain tells us otherwise. We know better. We know the mailman didn't forget our million dollar check. We know the relationship isn't going to last forever. But for the sake of hope and sanity we hold on to these ideals as tightly as we can. And then you add sex into the mix. At that point any vestigial scrap of the rational brain is thrown out the window. Ugh sex good. Ugh body nice. Ugh! Yeah. She could have turned into a praying mantis last night afterwards and I would have been like "good bug. bug good. eat boy". Yay sex. I do think things are okay between us. I told her that I was having trouble because she has been turning internal the last few days and I need her to share. I think she has been so used to having to be independent or with guys who have no concept of responsibility that she just doesn't know how to respond. Hopefully that will change and she will feel safe enough to open to me even in times like this. Only time will tell. Fell asleep somewhere around midnight and back up at 3:45. That's tomorrow's story...