Y4 D6

I cannot shake the last part of this cold and it is driving me fucking nuts. I was up all night with this cough. Yes, I took meds but I think I took too much. You know how sometimes when you take a med if there's anything else in your system or if you just take a little bit too much it wires you instead of knocking you out? That was me last night. I finally started to fall asleep around midnight but ended up coughing until 3. I passed out until six but then ended up falling back to sleep until 8.

Yesterday was a work day almost all day. Nothing exciting about it. I worked until about 4 when I took the kid over to her grandmother's house. She is watching their cat for the weekend so we popped over there so she could feed it. Then we hit the grocery store. For dinner I had a slab of ribs in the fridge and warmed those up for the kid. I am forcing myself to eat even though I have no appetite right now. After dinner around 7 I went over to the hospital to visit a friend. She was admitted Monday night on suicide watch. She is doing better now but it was a pretty messed up couple of days. She looked fine last night when I saw her. She was honest about how she was feeling and why she was there but she really did look good.

Got home around 8:30, took meds and then see paragraph one.

Y4 D5

This year is off to a weird start. I had no voice all day yesterday which made for a challenge. I had two conference calls and it was a little hard trying to do them when I can't say anything. I did have some other work to do luckily which kept me from having to talk. I also had group last night. Group was enjoyable. I think I am getting something out of it. At least it's geting me out of the house and giving me a place where I can dump some things. My biggest goal from the class is learning how to cope and I think I will get that as the weeks go on. Right now it is focused on helping us identify our moods and thoughts. Basically the same shit I have been doing here for the last three years. I mentioned this to the doctor after class and what I was looking to get out of the sessions. She told me to be a little more patient and see how the next few weeks go for me. Fair. Between that and work, didn't do much else. It was actually nice not having to worry about seeing TD. Last Tuesday I was stressing out from being sick and then having to go to the city to see her; not this week. Again, the reason I don't date women who live in the city. Well it looks like I am back on the at home schedule from this post doesn't it? Oh I did make arrangements for my next trip. I am going to Memphis in July. I did get one piece of possible bad news regarding this - I may not be able to take a summer trip as planned because of money. Because the feds took my state refund I don't have the money for a hotel which really sucks. I am pretty bummed about that. We will see how that plays out. Now it's time to see if I have a voice.

Y4 D4

I have no voice and yet I must scream...

Okay screaming isn't true but the I have no voice part is. Which really sucked yesterday because I ended things with TD and ended up having to do it via text message because I honestly can't speak above a whisper right now unless I want to sound like a squeaky toy. I did want to fill in some more blanks from Sunday while I am in a better space to do it. Let's make this a twofer in that sense...

Sunday. I had a really long talk with TD about expectations, things that were bugging me, etc and told her she needs to really think through whether she could be with someone whose schedule and lifestyle is going to be in conflict most of the time with hers. One of the things that has also been bugging me about her is that she lived in the city. In the past I have avoided dating anyone who lives in the city because of the additional issues getting there and back to meetup. Between either having to deal with traffic and find parking and all that crap or dealing with public transportation it always seems like it is a logistical nightmare when getting in and out of the city. I know it's not the end of the world dealing with it, but it definitely makes it more challenging to meet up randomly. The sad part is on the map it's only 15-20 miles which shouldn't be such a chore but it is and that's a factor for me. Add to that all the other little things that were bugging me - her ex-husband still being in her life, her ability to slip back into wife mode so quickly, the pot smoking - I decided I needed to be honest with her that I would probably disappoint her in the future and she should be ready to handle that. Bottom line? I was trying to give her a graceful way out without me doing what I did yesterday.

The show itself was weird. There was no real convention floor that I found, instead it was mostly a combination of different rooms and seminars and activities all going on at once. But the people, dear sweet mother of god the people. So many comic book guy type people in one room was overwhelming. You know when I am one of the hottest guys in the room something is wrong. Then the Armenians came.  No seriously. It seems that Sunday night in the same hotel was an Armenian Society of America convention at the same time as all our activities. At one point there were four armed and ready to go policemen watching activities.

Side note - did I mention that on Friday I cancelled DirectTV for good finally? I thought about that because I am staring out at the patio and for the first time in 2 1/2 years don't see a fucking satellite dish! Soon the whole patio will be clean!!

Anyway, we had a good time at the show. Even with other casts in the audience heckling us, bad projection, bad sound (all things outside our control as they wouldn't let us touch anything), weird blocking, and just overall craziness, we pulled off a fantastic show. The energy level was wild, the people who were there were having a great time, and it was fun.

Of course I woke up yesterday to find I had ripped off the skin of about half my right knee, but small price to pay.

Now on to Monday. I took home one of my cast mates who had slept on the couch Sunday night because it was easier than driving him home at the time. We were all too tired and it was one less stop. The kid and I had some nice lunch, ran a few errands, and enjoyed our morning/midday. The whole time by the way, I had no voice nor had I heard anything from TD.

Finally around 2:30 she texts to see how I am doing. Well shitty to be honest because I am about to end things via a text... Which I did around 3:30. She wasn't happy with me about it, but it is what it is. I have no regrets. I sent her a very long text explaining that I didn't see things getting better and I wished her well. She called me a jerk for doing it in text and that was that.

Watched Phineas and Ferb with the kid, took a bubble bath, and went to bed. My director called around 10:40, but I was already in bed. I don't think there is anything serious going on though because there was no follow up text or email, nor did she leave a voicemail.

Tonight is my depression group. I need to read a couple chapters in the workbook some time day plus do work for a client. Good luck Jim...

Y4 D3

What a day. You know I have had to say that a lot this weekend haven't I? So let's see...

I started the day by running around looking for a black fitted sheet for the show. Then I talked to TD. I explained to her that I think there is a difference between our lifestyles, attitude about dating, etc. We had a long talk and I told her I would probably disappoint her again. There was more but the bottom line is I left it with her thinking about whether she wants to be involved with someone like me. I haven't spoken to her yet today but we will see.

I left for the show around 5. I have never been around so many people who live in their mother's rec room/basement/attic before in my life. THIS is why I don't do conventions. These people were weird even by my standards. Too many nerds. Weirdos. Freaks and geeks.

I am very tired still so I am not going to go into much detail but needless to say it was bizarre. We walked around the floor after unloading the truck in 30 minutes giving us five hours before the show started. We found some of the rooms where there was free booze and cookies. There was a robot bartender which was kind of cool.

The show went off smoothly despite screen issues, sound issues, and another cast there heckling us. Our director exploded over some of these things but for once it wasn't us that did anything wrong. I haven't seen the aftermath yet if there is going to be any.

Got home around 3:30 and crashed. I might give more details tomorrow. Shower now.

Y4 D2

Yesterday was 24 hours of pure hell in some parts. I woke up doing okay despite the cold from hell that just won't go away. It's still here and while I can feel it tapering down it's still bugging me. But that's nothing compared to everything else that happened yesterday. The first part of the day started off okay but it went downhill at around noon and didn't get back on track until almost 10pm.

I was feeling like shit most of the morning but I had promised TD I would go to the city and spend the day with her. I planned to head out around noon and then we were going to come back here, get the truck and go to the show together. As I was leaving I went looking for the truck. Um... no truck. How do you lose a 14' UHaul?? I freaked out. I started calling people who had been with me the night before and we all confirmed that my co-head said he dropped it off at my house Friday night and 'parked it down and across the street' from my place. That should have been easy enough to locate then right??

I spent the next three hours trying to track him down to determine where he had parked it. Couldn't reach him. He has no cell phone currently, wasn't online anywhere. The kid and I drove in circles for 2 hours trying to figure out where he parked the truck. I was on the phone with the police to see if it had been towed. I walked up and down neighborhoods. I finally reached him and he swore on his mother's grave exactly what he had said the night before that it was parked across the street and down a little bit. I told him that it must have been stolen then and he needs to get over to my place to file a police report. He said he would be right over. At that point I informed everyone on cast that the truck had been stolen and we needed to scramble as EVERY ONE of our props were in that truck.

During all this, TD was getting more and more pissed because I essentially blew her off. This made me think about our relationship and where it was and where it was going. While she was trying to be supportive, she was being TOO supportive. I keep drawing parallels in my head to how I behaved with J way back when. How I slipped right back into husband mode. TD I think was pissed because I was keeping her at arm's length during all this shit. She isn't part of the 'family' and we haven't been going out long enough where I wanted her involved. I was basically radio silent from 2pm until about 7:30 at which point I texted her to see if she wanted to meet me at the theater. She was very upset and pissed off at me for blowing her off and decided she didn't want to go. In my opinion, she threw a bit of a tantrum and acted like a girlfriend versus someone I have just started dating. But we will come back to that...

So everyone on cast is scrambling trying to come up with props and my co-head shows up at my house. He looks at me and says 'Give me the keys, I know where the truck is, I will be back in 10 minutes'. WTF?? I put everyone on standby. THIRTY minutes later he comes back with the truck. YAY! As I go to check things out, he is walking away. Not a word, nothing. I run down the street after him and the bottom line is he honestly thought he had dropped the truck off but in reality left it where it was parked. He was either so high friday or so wrapped up in other stuff he had convinced himself he had brought it to my house. Wow. Okay. I get everyone relaxed and calmed down about props and we all breathe.

An hour later he sends me and the directors a blunt email saying he quits the show. That's it. We think he just felt so stupid about this that he decided to quit. My director and I are both pissed as hell at him for this. No warning, no plan to leave - just quits.

At 9:30 I head up to the city to do the show. Show goes great actually. I was happy with the show, happy with everyone's performance, and had a good time. BUT in the back of my mind I was thinking about TD all day and if I should end it with her. She sent me an email at 6am which may also make this decision for me. It's what I need to think about today. In the meantime, I have to get ready for another show tonight...

Y4 D1

Well Year 4 is off to a shitty start. I was up until 1am arguing with my director. From midnight to 1 we argued about crossing lines and sharing information and a whole lot of other bullshit. Which really sucks because for the majority of the day I was doing pretty damn good.

Some positive notes - I renewed my lease. I am staying put for the next 12 months. I am not moving until at least July of 2013. That's a good thing. I also cancelled direct tv finally. We are now TV free. Free from the cable and satellite companies at least. They really tried bless their hearts to keep me. But in the end the deals and freebies weren't enough to keep me around. It's time for us to split. Sorry DTV but your time is over. Now I need to turn their box in and rearrange my entertainment center. That will be fun.

I worked for the majority of the morning. I did manage to get one client completely done three days ahead of schedule which made them very happy. I still have one open client which I will work on Monday even though it's a holiday. This way we start next week clean.

After working I went to the grocery store with the kid as we were very low on food. That's taken care of now. After that we picked up a friend and headed to rehearsal/party. I didn't need to be at rehearsal but I wanted to go to get the shit from the other day behind us. Unfortunately that's not what went down. We argued a little bit at rehearsal and they left, but it was when I got home at midnight where she called me and started chewing me out for sharing family business which is total bullshit. You know I am tired of talking about it and just want to forget for now. I am sure it will come back up later. Let it.

That was day one. 364 more to go and we will have another year down.

Y3 D366

Tada!!! I did it! I survived three years!! I am still alive and functional! And this time, I have someone in my life come the end of the year. Wow. Although....

Of course there's an although, there's always a but, an although, a well. It's the nature of life, right?

Took the morning off yesterday to sleep in because of the cold. Still not feeling 100% but sleeping in helped. As part of my group, we are supposed to keep track of our moods throughout the day and I started off on a low yesterday just because I couldn't breathe. This cold needs to die, now.

Met TD for lunch and we had a nice time. I am still worried about how close she is to her ex. She had to go over to their old apartment the other day to pick things up and yesterday she told me he is sending her 'miss you' texts. As someone who has debated sending those kind of texts, I know both sides of it. I have been very good not to send XTGF anything like that even though I have wanted to because it's wrong. Her ex needs to realize that. I am not going to play second fiddle. Hell, her divorce isn't even final yet. So as of right now, that's the only red flag. I do like her, but I feel like she isn't quite done with her current situation yet.

After lunch I came home and worked until about 6:30ish. The kid worked from 12-5 and we had soup for dinner. She is just coming off her cold and she was run down last night too. We both were in bed before 10.

Today is cancel DTV day!! And renew my lease day! Oh joy.

Y3 D365

This should have technically been the last post, but this was a leap year so there will be 366 this year. Deal with it.

Yesterday was another long work day. Although TD brought me over soup and rockstar at lunch time. She keeps doing shit like that and she will get bumped up to girlfriend status pretty darn quick. I did have a bad period yesterday because I got dragged into teenager drama. I got blamed for knowing that my director's son was seeing someone behind their back even though they had forbade him from seeing her. BUT the truth was I had no idea. I was out of town and busy with my own life. I hadn't had any contact with either one of them since 5/8, over two weeks ago. My director was still pissed at me because according to her I should have told them they were going to talk. Um, really? They are both 19 years old. I know he lives in your house, but I didn't realize he couldn't have friends. I get they don't want them dating, but to ban them from talking? Ok, whatever, be pissed at me. Sigh. Hopefully it will blow over but it's very annoying.

Not much else went on yesterday. I worked, I took the kid to the train, watched the final episode of House (awwwww), picked the kid back up from the train, took NyQuil, slept. I still feel like shit. My head and nose are killing me still. I am hoping this passes before Saturday.

I am having tea with TD today which will help. Multiple cups of tea always are good.

Y3 D364

I feel like death warmed over this morning or something even worse. Death warmed over, put back in the fridge, then warmed up again. My nose is completely shut, my throat feels like sandpaper, and I am running a fever. Thank god I am not traveling this week.

Worked all day yesterday. Back into the grind and groove of things. I was supposed to meet TD (<-- the date) for trivia in the city last night but there was no way I would have been any fun. Plus the drive up to the city and trying to find parking would have just stressed the shit out of me.

I did go to my first group session last night. I felt so much like Jack at first. I came this close to writing Cornelius on my name tag. But I played nice. I think if I ignore the other people in the room and focus on what the doctor is saying, I will get something out of it. There are 8 of us in there, 6 women and two guys including myself. A couple of the women seem okay, but a couple seem like they will annoy the shit out of me. There may be too much emotion and touchy feely bullshit in the group for me to really open up. Of course, this was just the first week and I need to give it a fair shake before dismissing it completely. Got home about 7:30 from class, watched a little TV and went to bed at 9. I took NyQuil and it knocked me out. Unfortunately it did what it always does - woke me up at 2. I woke up unable to breathe, coughing, etc. Not pretty.

I am going to try and move slow today. Let's see how that works out.

Y3 D363

I feel like someone dropped a wet bag of sand on my forehead and nose and it's slowly dripping into my throat. Pretty, huh? Damn kid getting me sick. Butt monkey.

Worked a LONG time yesterday. I worked on three different clients too. That's going to be the way things go the next couple of weeks unfortunately. It's going to be a busy time for me. The upside is if I hit a certain amount of hours my bosses have agreed to slip me some extra cash for my summer vacation. Yay. I am getting close the wire to booking a hotel room too. I am sure I will figure something out, but man it's going to be tight. I will probably take care of it on this next check.

Speaking of that, I also talked to my tax guy about taking care of the IRS. He is going to help me with that too.

It was a busy day.

The Date came over last night. She got to see where I lived and I made her dinner. She was here from about 5 until 10. She also got to briefly meet the kid. I am not sure I want to go into some of the stuff her and I talked about last night because I am still processing it. But needless to say, it's a much different relationship this time around than with TGF. Definitely more 'adult' in nature. No not like that you pervert. We talked about things last night. About exes and relationships and intimacy. A lot was said - all good don't get me wrong - and I am still going through it in my head.

I like her. I can see us having a relationship but I need some reassurance on some things. She reminds me very much of N1 and there were some things there that while I cared for her deeply, always prevented me from getting too close. And the same for her. I don't want a repeat of that. Three years later N1 and I are still friends and everything is good, but I know in hindsight we would have been a bad couple in the long term. I am playing this one very cautiously for the same reason. 

More work now.

Y3 D362

Made it home yesterday in about 6 hours. Not a bad trip at all. I was able to miss all traffic luckily. We hit the road around 8:30 and we were home about 2:30.

I am very grateful, thankful, and blessed to have a child I can spend 6 hours in a car with talking and having a good time. All of the things I have fucked up in my life, this is the one thing where I did good. She is a great kid. She has her moments don't get me wrong, but overall, I am the luckiest fucking parent in the world.

We got home and unpacked, cleaned, etc. I did get a letter from the fucking state which is throwing me off today. They sent my refund to the IRS. Upside is it's less I owe the feds which is good, downside is I was hoping to use that money to pay some bills and have some for my vacation in the summer. It's the summer vacation that is now fucked. I may have to adjust accordingly unfortunately. I am going to ask my bosses if there is any additional side work I can do to earn about $1000 in the next six weeks. That's how much I was planning to take on this trip so let's see what happens. I may have to cancel which will depress me further.

Otherwise everything is cool. I wasn't able to see The Date because of travel and being too tired, but we exchanged emails and texts. I am hoping to see her tomorrow. Updated my pin board - 497. Sweet mother of god. I hate being OCD sometimes but it sure is fun. Expensive but fun.

I guess overall I am okay. I am just really bummed about my vacation plans. I don't want to not go anywhere this year, but I will survive I guess. Today I need to get back into a work state of mind which is going to be a challenge. Let's see how that goes.

Y3 D361

WHOO DOGGIE! 14 hours straight inside the Magic Motherfucking Kingdom. I spent way too much money, ate way too much food, and got too much sun but... DO IT AGAIN??

Kid and I got up and headed to the park around 8. We meandered about, rode a couple rides, then hooked up with her friend and his mom. We had never met the mom and I had made up all these different personas about who she was going to be. Nailed one right on the head. She was a very nice woman, but she was a wheelchair girl which was on of the personas. The upside? We got to use them to get straight on to rides. Handicap for the win. We had an entire pirate boat to ourselves. They wanted to see and do certain things and we parted for a while. The kid is having a problem with her annual pass so we headed to guest relations to take care of it. As a token, they gave us a super pass for any one ride which got us around everything. We decided to use it for ToT. Unfortunately we got stuck on it and while we did ride, we missed the group picture with our other friends. The hostess wasn't happy with me, but she understood. We then met up with that large group of 14 and we all rode ToT. From there things get a bit blurry. We met up with people on and off through out the day, went on rides, saw shows, did the Animation Studio session for Agent P and I got to keep the artist original(I am so having this framed!!), had lunch, meandered, pin traded, and finally met back up with everyone for dinner around 5:30. We did get evacuated from Splash Mountain right before that because the ride broke. Dinner was a blast. 20 of us at Thunder Mountain BBQ. So much fun. After dinner we said our goodbyes to everyone, did last minute shopping, last pin sweep, and headed out.

Another sweet ass day in Disneyland. BAMF. I got the kid this incredible bracelet and The Date a Malificent hand carved limited edition trinket holder. It's pretty damn cool. Me? I got a t-shirt. AN AWESOME t-shirt.

Got back to the hotel around 10:30, ordered some light night dessert and crashed out. Now we are packing and getting ready to head home...

Y3 D360

Year three may have the best ending of the lot at this point.

Yesterday was INSANE. Me and the kid drove all night listening to this incredible playlist she put together. 4 hours of perfectly executed music that was hard in all the right places, soft in the others, and ended well. We left the house around 12:30 and rolled into Disneyland right about 6:40. Since the park doesn't open until 8 the parking lot was still closed. We stopped at Denny's to kill some time and then headed over almost right at 8am. We had a fantastic day together. One of our goals was to get an old autograph book filled. She found her old book from when she was six recently and decided to have fun with it and get signatures on this trip. After doing Star Tours, we headed over to do princesses. As we were approaching their area we saw something new - a whole new area dedicated to Brave! We ended up being some of the first people to ever get to see Merida and have her picture and autograph! Come on, give me a break. Any of you who have been reading KNOW that I am 12 year old when I am in the park and here was the first Pixar Princess. It was AWE wait for it..... SOME!!

After that we headed over to California Adventure and spent the remainder of the day there. I got 50 pins, she didn't get any more autographs, but we got Perry the Platypus ears, had good Moroccan food, rode the rides, saw Muppetvision 3-D, saw the Phineas and Ferb parade, and had fun. She was starting to feel a little sick around 1 and we ended up making that our afternoon break point.

We hopped in the car, headed to Target for some meds, then checked into the hotel. We both crashed until around 5:30. We then showered and headed back to the park to meet up with friends at 7. From 7-9 we did this scavenger hunt our friend put together. It was crazy. We were on separate teams and at one point the kid texted me saying "I have a feeling your team is having more fun". It was. My team had all the cool kids. For the hunt we had to get cast signatures on a hat, pictures on star tours, pictures of certain park objects, pictures on Jungle Cruise, teacups, in the mad hatter shop, and on Tarzan. Our team did everything and we were at the meeting point first. Bamf. The prize was more pins as most of the folks that are here for this part of the trip are pin collectors like me. In total yesterday's haul was 64 pins including finishing two sets.

At 9 we all met up at one of the restaurants for dinner. Around 10:30 we headed back to our respective hotels then met in one of the suites for late night partying. All in all it was a great day. We were in bed by 12:45 and slept soundly until now. The kid is still asleep but I am waking her up soon.

Today we are meeting her friend in the morning, hooking up with the big group around 11 for group pics, then splitting off until 5:30 for a LARGE dinner at Bucket O Meat. Today promises to be as exciting and fun as yesterday.

Throughout the whole day by the way, me and The Date were texting, sharing pics, etc. I will go out on a limb here and say that if things continue well, she may soon be upgraded in name from The Date to something better. We shall see...

Y3 D359

The days are blending together. I have been up for a little while but had to make sure it was technically today before I posted. I would post later, but it's Disneyland time bitches. Yesterday was one of those insane travel days where I saw the sun rise on one coast and set on the other. I was up at 3am EST after 3 hours of sleep, left for the airport at 5, got home to my airport at 12:30 PST, then took public transportation because the kid was working and finally walked in the door at 2pm PST. I managed to get about 3 hours sleep total on the flights so I wasn't dying.

I met up with The Date around 4. We had a cocktail followed by some nosh as I hadn't eaten all day. Then we walked around downtown for a little while. I stopped at a pizza place and ordered a pizza to take on the road with me right now and to make sure the kid ate something before we left. While we waited for the pizza we went to a coffee shop where she had hot chocolate and I had a nice cup of tea.

We parted around 7 so I could get home and rest before leaving for Disneyland. I managed to get in some sleep from 8:30 to 11:30. Now I am getting shit together to leave in about 20 minutes.

As for The Date - we like each other, a lot. We both agree we are 'smitten'. I think we shall be seeing more of each other as time goes by. We have tentative plans for Sunday depending on what time I get home. Regardless we agreed that the next time we see each it will be in a more private setting. Oh yeah... What? It's been like two months since I have had sex. I know, two whole months woe is me. Captain Smart Ass in the house.

The days are still going to blend until Monday I fear but it should be worth it.

Y3 D358

A little over a week.

Yesterday was a long work day. Since it was the last day I was onsite, they pushed me hard. I didn't leave the office until 7pm from 7:30am. BUT it was very rewarding for me in the end. At the end of the class, one of the students told me she learned more in three days with me than in any class she has attended. That made me feel good. Made me feel like I earned the Rockstar title on my cards. They want me back out again soon. Heck they even were talking about me renting a house to save on hotel costs. I know they were joking about that last part, but man it's nice to be wanted.

Speaking of that, The Date and I are still exchanging emails and texts. Barring no incidents in travel today, we have plans to meet for dinner tonight. The weather gods will pay if I miss this date. Just saying...

Had a light dinner last night, then came back to the hotel about 9:30. Bit of a repeat of Sunday - slept from midnight to 3am. I will need to sleep on the plane home to be useful tonight.

Then tomorrow? Disneyland.

Y3 D357

Nine days and we start Y4. Amazing. Simply amazing. As long as I don't fuck it up, we may end this year on a positive note.

My head is a little fuzzy today. I sat too long at one bar last night. It's a bad thing because I was supposed to work and I ended up blowing things off because I was tired. I texted a lot with The Date. Ugh, I need a better name for her. But not yet. This will have to suffice for now.

Worked all day so nothing exciting there. I got stumped by one of the questions that came up in class which is what I was supposed to work on last night, but again, nope, didn't happen.

I went to this BBQ place that was recommended to me by the class. Meh. I have had better. But the bartender was friendly and the drinks were strong. It was reasonably priced which made up for the food quality.

The Date let on that she is smitten with me. Her word, not mine. Smitten. Heh. I am a bit smitten with her as well. Hopefully when I get home tomorrow and see her, the feeling will still be there. It's always easy to be taken with someone when you are communicating electronically.

I don't have much to say right now. I had some moments yesterday where I was up and down, but for the most part it was alright. I start my depression class next week. I will be in Disneyland in two days and I go home tomorrow. I can do this.

Y3 D356

You don't realize how much you are addicted to facebook until it starts misbehaving. If you are currently trying to log in, it's not playing nice. Just an FYI. Otherwise, let's talk about more important things, shall we?

Got up yesterday around the same time as now. It's only a five minute walk to my client but I wanted to allow enough time to get ready and be relaxed when I walked in the door. Mission accomplished. We had a very productive day of training. I have six people in the room and we are doing this as an informal mentoring gig. They had a worksheet of specific things they wanted to cover and we were able to stay on track and keep to the time we had available. We worked from about 8 until 4:30. This client apparently likes me and I enjoy them too. Smart, quick, yet not cocky that they think they know everything. Good folk to be honest.

After work I went back to the hotel and changed. I then headed to the close by restaurant and had a couple of drinks for happy hour. I was going to walk around a bit but I got lazy. The weather here is very Hawaii right now - slightly overcast, very humid, not quite warm, but not cold either. It's weather I love. I sat at the bar and ended up having a burger.

Left the bar around 7:30, came back to the room, sat on my balcony watching the river below, sent an email to The Date, watched a couple episodes of Fringe (that's my new one for this trip. I have all four seasons and am now like five episodes into it), watched a really cool lightning storm over the horizon, and went to bed. A couple of emails came in pretty late for me but at least no one called to bug me this time forgetting I am currently in EST.

Today is Diablo 3 day. 12 years after the original, D3 is finally out. Will I buy it? Meh. Yes, but not right now. I have enough going on that it's not worth it. I can't believe I just said that. I am excited to play it, sure, but at $60? Not to mention the overwhelmed servers? No, I will wait until I get back from Disneyland next week and then buy it. I don't care about PvP or online play so it's not like I am going to miss out on anything.

Shower time.

Y3 D355

Still very sleepy and tired. Nothing like time zone changes to throw you out of whack. Since yesterday was a travel day, not much happened, but it wasn't completely uneventful. As for the travel itself, that was pretty straight forward. I did do something smart for once - I brought along a couple of nicotine patches. I always say I am going to do this and then forget, but this time I actually remembered. That made the 10 hours of airport time much more bearable. Instead of getting off the plane in South Carolina wanting to kill someone, I was quite functional. Made things easier. During travel, I sent an email to an old friend. We haven't talked in a while but I thought I forgot his birthday. I sent an email and he told me that I was off a few days. It was nice he responded and the possibility of finally burying the ax and discussing what has happened over the last year came up. Good. I do miss having him as a friend to talk to about things. Hopefully this will come to fruition.

The other thing was me and The Date exchanged a couple of texts. Nothing long or fancy, but at least we are having open lines of communication which shows me she is still into me. That's nice. And she reached out to me not the other way. That always feels good when you're not the one reaching out. Feel less desperate and needy that way.

Got into SC around 5:30, checked into my hotel, then went to the same restaurant around the corner that I spent all my time at last time. Had a really nice dinner and then came back to the hotel to TRY and sleep. Unfortunately the weather, the phone, and the world wouldn't let me. I was in bed by 9 but then I get a couple of texts, then the heater in the room starts making a weird noise, then my boss calls. Ugh. On that last one I answered with 'you forgot I am east coast didn't you?'. He started apologizing and I stopped him and asked if it was important. He said no. Great call you tomorrow, going back to sleep. It wasn't that late for normal time, but it was like 11:30 here. And as you can see, I am up early.

Don't know what I am going to do tonight yet; maybe for once this client will take me out...

Y3 D354

Oh look, it's Mother's Day. I fucking hate Mother's Day. I hated it when I was 16 and my mom was dead. I hated it when I was married to X1 because the thought of buying her presents annoyed me. I hated it with X2 because she guilted me into giving her presents and I hate it now. It's a contrived made up Hallmark holiday. I guess I should be happy I am traveling today. Of course this could go either way. I could have real easy flights or I could be on flights with everyone going to see their mothers. So I am a bit worried about today's travel. But it's a travel day which is why I am up.

Yesterday was a stay at home and rest day. I was supposed to go to a rehearsal but as I got in the car the traffic to their house was too crazy. I did not want to spend 3 hours in the car for a two hour rehearsal and lose five hours of the only weekend day I was getting. I still had some stuff to do to get ready for today and was not going to waste it. So I called them and headed back home.

I did get everything done - packing, bills, food, etc. I am ready to go. I was able to take a small nap too. The Date texted me a couple of times. I texted back but now I am going to go radio silent. I don't want things to move to quickly. I want to chill out a bit while I am out of town. Maybe exchange a couple of emails, etc. Then when I get back, we go out again and we see how it goes. I want to play this one nice and smooth as this is the first time in a while where I have gone out with someone who might be good for me in all ways not just a couple. Fingers crossed.

That's it. Time to go.

Y3 D353

I realized last night that if things go well with The Date (no, I don't know what else to call her yet so that's what the name shall be for now) that this will be the first time I end a year of this blog actually involved with someone rather than on a depressing note. We are 13 days away kids, let's see if it can happen.

Speaking of The Date, she texted me once yesterday and then sent me a nice email late last night. She is out of town for the weekend due to Mother's Day (which you all know I hate), staying up in the woods with one of her brothers. The text was more of a I made it here safe thing and then the email was just some random get to know each other more stuff.

I finally broke down and ordered a new atm card the other day and yesterday I stressed out a bit. I swear that the bank used to be able to over night me a card, but they swear it's 3-5 business days. Fine be that way. Because I am leaving tomorrow morning I ended up going to the bank yesterday and taking out cash which bugs me because now I am on a fixed budget this next week while on the road. Makes it a bit of a challenge. Plus I need to take care of bills this morning. I may let a couple of things back burn until I get home on Thursday to see how the cash flow is doing and just to see if my new card has arrived. I have to be very careful the next two weeks since I am out of town this week and then Disneyland next weekend. It's going to be tight but worth it. I am still waiting for that damn check from the state. I am really worried they are going to turn it over to the feds. If they do on one hand great, it's less I owe the feds, on the other it makes it tough for me. I just paid a couple of things yesterday and set my car payment to out a few days late just in case.

Worked yesterday and took care of things around the house. This new arrangement of having the computers in a different spot seems to be working. But I need a better chair. When I get back I will have to get one. I am also not a fan of this desk if I am going to be sitting here regularly. It's one of the reasons I moved things in the first place. It's just a little too small for my taste. But these are things that can hold until later this month.

Did laundry, bought groceries, went to a friend's house and copied more movies. I now have over 70 Disney movies in my collection. On top of that I am through about 10-12 of my movies. In the end I should have a pretty decent online library. This makes me happy for some reason. I guess it's the point of using all this technology for something purposeful? Two more weeks and I cancel the damn DirectTV too. I am excited about that. An outdoor antenna skillfully placed and I will be good to go.

The kid isn't home right now. She had a bit of a rough day yesterday which apparently turned out okay for her. She had requested yesterday off but they screwed up and scheduled her anyway. Last night her and XBF were scheduled to go to Roger Waters which is why she wanted the day off. She also knew I needed the car to run errands. Well her work kept her late, she didn't get everything done, and they were being asses about her leaving. She came home crying because her phone had died and she thought she was messing me up. Luckily what I needed to do was minor so I calmed her down, put pizza in her, and sent her off to the concert. I told her it was actually funny she was dealing with this because when I was her age, working retail, the EXACT same thing happened to me. Except it was U2. HUGE concert, asked for the day, they fucked up, I played nice and worked the morning, they didn't want me to leave, I walked out. Nothing ever changes, does it? I guess they had a good time because around 11 I get a text from her - going to a party be home tomorrow. Cool. Enjoy thyself child.

Okay. Today is a rehearsal, packing, and bed early.

Y3 D352

BIG day yesterday with all sorts of things going on. Sorry got interrupted while typing this. Let's try again. I waited in the morning for my client to give me feedback on some stuff. They had a release happening in one of the other groups which indirectly impacted the stuff I am working on (aka it broke my data) so I had to sit tight while that grouped spent the day fixing their shit. I decided to use the time productively and make a semi-large change in my working situation. Which later in the day turned out to be a validated decision by my new therapist. What I did was separate my 'home life' from my 'work life'. I moved the laptop over to the desk in the dining room and now have to physically get off the couch to work. Although I use the same laptop for both work and personal stuff, it forces me to disconnect from on here which is a good thing. I can start feeling like I am 'home' when I am not sitting in front of this thing. I started thinking back to past setups and it's only since I have been single and living here that I have been doing this blend of home and work space. When I was married in one house we had a separate room and in the other house we had a dedicated area for computers. I can't think of a time when we had our laptops out during 'personal' time. Of course with the way things are interconnected these days it's more common to have your laptop open and out all the time, but I have to force myself to this kind of separation for my own well being. It means I won't be online 24/7 for people but tough. They can adjust just as easily.

Around 12:30 I headed out to my doctor's appointment. She didn't see me until 1:40 which put me on edge walking into her office, but part of that was that Kaiser wanted me there 1/2 hour early to do paperwork which of course took 10 minutes. I spent about an hour with her and at the end of the session she assured me that I am not half as messed up in the head as I think or even close to some of the people she counsels. We decided there are three avenues of treatment for me. One is private sessions where we talk about the different issues. Unfortunately for this avenue I would have to pay the majority of the costs out of pocket. Two would be a group session for 8 weeks centered around moods and depression and how to avoid traps that cause people to slip into negative thinking patterns. This would be 90% covered by insurance and cost me only $15 per class. Lastly there is a group session to help people who are transitioning in their life, be it divorce, empty nest, house changes, pregnancy, etc. This too would be covered under insurance. After discussing my needs and the types of things covered in each of the two groups, we decided the depression one would be the best fit for me now. We both agreed that the transition one would probably just frustrate me more as I am not really going through transition any more and am just working towards changing my thinking. This is also when I told her about my rearranging things in the house. She affirmed this was a good decision and a smart step to helping me disconnect from some of my work issues.

Goddamn it's taking me forever to write this and there is SO much more...

Okay. On Wednesday I got an email from OKC saying someone was checking out my profile. I checked them out and we were a 94% match. The highest I have ever had on there. She was cute in her pics so I said fuck it and sent out a message. I didn't hear anything until yesterday morning. She said yeah, she was checking me out but didn't think she was attractive enough for me. An odd comment, but I forged ahead with a reply that said if I didn't think you were attractive, I wouldn't have written. We ended up exchanging about 10 emails. On the last one I decided to throw caution to the wind and asked if she would want to meet for drinks. She agreed. Woot. We met up at a local place around 7 and I told her I usually don't move that quick, but since I am going out of town I decided what the heck. She appreciated that. I then asked her about the attractive comment. It's the kid's fault. One of my pics has me and the kid in it but there's no caption. She thought it was an ex-gf. She said you were with this hot chick in one of your pics. I started laughing and told her that was my kid. She started cracking up and said well your kid is hot. Nice. Odd for a dad to hear, but nice.

We have a lot in common like D&D, comic books, authors, attitude about reading, educational background, etc. She has no kids and doesn't want any. She was married for 12 years and has been divorced a short time, but had a similar situation to me where they were roommates at the end. All in all a good time was being had.

We stayed at the bar until about 9 when I decided to be bold again. My friend and her husband were helping to open a new club about 15 miles away and had given me free passes. She told me if the date sucks come by yourself but if the date is good...

The date agreed to go check out the club with me and we were there hanging out and talking until midnight. We ended the night with some kissing and the decision to see each other again when I get back in town.

Not a bad fucking day at all. I am paying for it this morning because I was out of pocket a lot yesterday so I am playing catch up right now. But totally fucking worth it.

Y3 D351

Another day in the past. Yesterday was pretty shitty to be honest. Not that anything bad really happened more because NOTHING happened. I have said this before - hell I repeat myself all the time, what's the point of apologizing for it when everything is the same and of course I am going to repeat myself - but working from home is not the blessing people think it is. My friend recently received two job offers at the same time. When he was weighing out the pros and coms he counted working from home as a pro. I had to remind him of the downsides of working from home - your house becomes your office, no social interaction, no separation between work life and home life, the same four walls every day all day, etc. He had never looked at it that way. Yeah, that was my day yesterday. I have been home now, what three or four weeks? Same room, same spot, same position all day every day. It wears on your after a while.

But hey I have an appointment with a new psychiatrist today. Hopefully they can help me. What I want from this person is guidance and help in accepting my role and place in life right now. I don't want pills, I don't want platitudes. I want techniques on how to make the most of my situation without going crazy.

Like I did yesterday. All day in the house. All day in the same spot. I feel like Uncle Charlie from Willy Wonka. I want to get out of this bed and sing and dance. But I can't. I am trapped. I think when I get back from trip next week I am going to make a change in the house. I am going to rearrange the area where the desktop computer is and make it more of a work area. Just to force me to get off this couch and in a place where it feels more like work than being at home. This is something I am going to discuss with the doctor today.

Kid had class yesterday so I didn't see her for most of the day. She was gone from like 1-9. Which didn't really help. After 'work' I watched a movie on Netflix. Lo - about a guy who summons a demon to help him rescue his girlfriend who has been taken by demons. Interesting movie. Very low budget but not in a bad way. Just small cast, one set kind of way. It almost felt like a play. I won't ruin it, but it's kind of worth watching just for the novelty factor. It was pretty interesting.

Still ripping DVDs. I am totally focused on doing music dvds first and got through all of my Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd discs. Almost done with Smashing Pumpkins. I am doing music first because these are the kind of movies you can put on in the background at a party and have some music going plus the bonus of the visuals. About three more and I will be done with music. After music I am doing 'low budget' movies. Basically movies that no one would miss if they were boxed up.

Speaking of that, I am going over to my friend's house today after the doctor's appointment and loading up on his digital movie collection. Between the Disney DVDs I burned over the weekend and his digital collection, I should have a very sizable Disney library.

I did try and reach out to two people on OKC yesterday. No responses. What a shock.

Hey it's time to work. Let me just move over two inches...

Y3 D350

A little more than two weeks and this year will be at an end. An entire year down the tubes where I have done really nothing. At least this year I got to spend 8 months of it with someone not going insane. What a mile marker. Hey look, in 36 months he spent 8 where he wasn't a complete mess. Granted it was with a girl 20 years younger, but he survived it right? That's got to count for something.

Yesterday was nothing of any note. I worked. All damn day. Kid worked from 9-3, I worked from 6:30 until 5. Watched some movies. Went to bed. That literally was the extent of my day. We did go for a walk after dinner because it was nice out and I wanted to see the outside world at least once. Otherwise, absolutely nothing.

This may be one of the shortest posts to date. I really didn't do a damn thing of any merit yesterday other than work. Kind of hard to have anything to write about when you sit in the house every day. Didn't even talk to anyone via text or IM. I guess everyone else was having a busy day too.

I need to do laundry at some point this week so I can pack for my trip. Probably Friday morning. Just get it out of the way.

I did rip a few DVDs yesterday. I have decided to organize and convert my video library to all digital. I have this fucking apple tv and at least a terabyte of storage available to me. I might as well DO something with it. It all started the other day when I borrowed a ton of Disney movies from a friend. I ripped all of those and then started in on mine. It takes forever to rip and convert depending on the movie, the disc type, what else is going on on my machine, etc. I managed to get five discs done and that was it. I am starting with music related ones as they are movies I don't watch all that often and won't be missed if they are boxed up. That's also part of why I am doing this. I want to be able to box up a bunch of stuff and get it out of my living room. At five a day though, it will take me a couple months to do this. Oh well, it's not like I have any kind of life...

Y3 D349

I really wish people would take a break from emails, texts, phone calls, etc between 10pm and 6am. That's not asking much is it? Sometimes technology is not the godsend people make it out to be. Sometimes it's just a pain in the ass because you get bombarded with a ton of shit to wake up to in the morning. Work emails, missed phone calls from crazy people, stupid emails from people about things you don't really care about... Sigh. It's enough to drive someone insane. Oh wait. Too late.

Stayed in the house all day working yesterday. In other words, another typical monday morning. Monday day for that matter too. Worked until it was time to take the kid to the train around 3, then came back home and moped for 2 or three hours. I wanted dinner but I didn't want to go out alone. I ended up going out alone and felt like such a loser sitting in a place eating by myself. Didn't help that I was the only one in the place pretty much the whole time. Yay me. The food was good at least. I just went around the corner to a local sushi place which is cheap but has a really good seafood salad. But it sucked being the only one in there.

Apparently the kid is stressing right now as I woke up to an email from her about summer stuff. She missed her deadline to register for summer classes. Now she is freaking out as to what she should do. At what point do I back off and let her deal with things herself?

Oh and I got my IRS bill yesterday. Actually I am 'happy' about that. They applied my $5800 and I only owe them $8500. I am going to setup auto payments of $150 a month to take care of it. I figure that will knock me down to about 7 by this time next year, another 5 refund would leave me two. I am still seeing 2015 as when I come out from all of this and can breathe again.

As long as it's before 2018.

Had a weird dream last night. Was back in college. First day, math class. Then I had to get to a history class and the head doctor from Scrubs (Dr Cox) was in the class with me. The teacher was a hippie freak who gave us yoga mats and a syllabus that included 'personal growth time'. Attached to the back of the classroom was an office that was supposed to be my office for work. Weird.

I have a bunch of stuff to go follow up on now.

Y3 D348

Wake up brain, wake up. Things to do. No, don't wanna. You can't make me. Yes, yes I can. Fine, be that way. It's Monday. Bleh. But it's not a travel week yet. That's next week. Whoo? That means this week is a laundry week. And a packing week, and a printer week. I need to fix my damn printer. I may just pull the big one back out again. This cheap ass one I got for Christmas is just that - a cheap ass printer. It's already broken twice on me.

Yesterday was as lazy as a day can get. Stayed in the house pretty much all day with the exception of a quick break for some sushi with the kid. The weather was gorgeous so we went out around 12:30 for some walking and some sushi, but otherwise? It was a movie day. We watched Hercules, Phineas and Ferb marathon, had cheese and chocolate for dinner, and did absolutely nothing. It was kind of nice. Part of me felt like I was wasting the day, but at the same time, what the hell did I have to do? Every now and then it's kind of fun to waste a complete day.

I had no responsibilities yesterday, didn't owe anyone anything, and had no obligations to anyone so fuck it. Waste a day. I earned it.

I did do one thing 'wrong' yesterday without meaning to do it. It seems my teasing of my director's kid about liking this girl on cast got back to them and they told her she wasn't allowed to see him any more. It's hurting her because she really likes him. But at the same it's kid drama that I really don't want any part of and I know will be over as quickly as it started.

Time to work. One more week of east coast client remote, then a week onsite in SC with a different client. Oh and 18 more days until Year 3 comes to a close. Just like the last two, I will be ending it alone...

Y3 D347

I watched an interesting movie yesterday called Timer. It had Anya from Buffy in it. The premise is at your 14th birthday you have the option of getting an implant that starts counting down to when you will meet your soul mate if they have one too. So for example, you put it on and it shows 265d 12h 43m. At that point, when it hits zero, within 24 hours you will meet the one person perfect for you and when the two of you meet both yours and theirs will start beeping. It was an interesting concept as some people don't have implants and if their soul mate does, theirs stays blank until you get an implant. It's kind of hard to explain at least the nuances of it, but it was an interesting moving.

Got up around 9:30 yesterday and spent 4 hours cleaning the house. A good serious cleaning. Of course parts of it are messy already again but it felt good for a while. I had to run to Home Depot and the kid went out to get her mother a present for Mother's Day. When she got home we both kind of lounged around a bit then watched some TV including above referenced movie.

I left around 9 for the show. It was a good show last night. Good energy, good vibes. It was the reason I do this shit. I drove a friend and we got to talk about some stuff which was nice as we both got some things off our chests that we wouldn't share with other people usually. Dropped her off around 3, came home and was in bed by 4.

Today shall be much of the same. If it holds then this will be a good weekend.

Y3 D346

Okay, everybody shut your pie hole, my head hurts. You! Air, quit moving those particles around so loudly! Damn. What started off as a potentially boring night, turned into me AND the kid getting home at 2am. She was seriously floopy. I was having fun and nowhere near the level she was at. She was talking to the shower curtain in my friend's bathroom last night. Okay, here's how the day went...

Got up at 6:30 and the phone immediately rang. I spent from 6:30 until about 12 straight working on my client's stuff. I had to break for a little while as they needed to make changes to their data. The recap of the week? Part of the problem was mine, but in the end the larger problems were their application, the data that had been added, and the way the data had been added. I was only maybe 20% of the reason why things weren't working and were late. I communicated all this my co-worker on the phone yesterday as he had been traveling all day on Thursday and missed some parts of the adventure. I got back on with them around 2 after going to the grocery store.

I was able to finish on a solid note around 3:30. A good normal length day. I have a little more to do which I will work on tomorrow as it's only an hour or two. The kid was awol during all this as she was spending the day with her grandmother. They originally were supposed to go to the Walt Disney family museum however her asshole of a grandfather decided at the last minute he didn't feel like it. I have known that man for 30 years and for 30 years he has been a douche.

She got home around the time I was wrapping up. We made strawberry jello margaritas and then filled strawberries with the mix. That's for the show tonight. We did a taste test and they were awesome. I then tried experimenting with deep fried twinkies. Yeah, that didn't work quite as well. I am going to try again today, but no promises on that.

Around 6 we started watching TV and quickly got bored. She went and took a shower and I sat bored. I made us beanie weenies for dinner and we watched an Xfiles. LUCKILY one of my friends started texting me and posting on Facebook. Next thing you know, I have the thread that won't die on Facebook (it's still going this morning with almost 200 comments), and now we had something to do.

We headed over to their house where him and his husband were already six shots into it. Our other friends were there too. The one friend had just returned from 2 months in Greenland. He works for NASA and was out there doing some super science stuff. The six of us then proceeded to get trashed, watch Star Wars, argue over the best Batman, talk to the shower curtain (in the kid's case), keep the facebook thread from hell going, and have a great time.

The kid passed out around 1, I woke her up at 1:45 and we headed home. She went right to bed as did I. All in all, what started out as a boring night turned into a fun time with friends.

Today is house cleaning and then tonight a show.

Y3 D345

In all my frustration yesterday something important I did on Wednesday. I made an appointment with a therapist. Just someone to talk to about all the crap in my head. I figure I have insurance, I might as well use it. My goal is come up with coping mechanisms to allow me to better deal with the highs and lows rather than let myself get beaten up by them. That's the goal at least. Let's see what happens. My appointment is next Thursday at 1.

As for yesterday, I got chewed out again later in the day from the same client. But after working all day with them and getting through things that were mostly issues on THEIR side, at roughly 3, I got the green light on my report. I could finally breathe. At least for a few hours. Around 9 they started sending some change requests. I took care of a couple of them right then and there, but still have some stuff to do today. I am not out of the fire 100% yet.

The kid worked from 2-6 and was with her grandmother before then. She got home around 6:30 and we went to have burgers for dinner. Neither of us wanted to cook nor did we want to stay in the house. After dinner we walked around the mall to see if we could find a hat for our platypus stuffed animal. It's a long story, but basically watch Phineas and Ferb and you will get it.

We also stopped into the Lego store. IT'S FINALLY OUT!! The new R2D2 robot kit. $180 though so it has to wait. But damn I want it. Bad.

We came home and watched God Bless America. Sigh, I am in love. Best fucking movie I have watched in a while. Everyone is gushing on about Avengers when they should really be watching this movie. Might make some people wake up. I really enjoyed it. Felt like the first time I watched Fight Club all over again. It's not as perfect as FC, which by the way is perfect and I will not tolerate words to the contrary, but it's pretty damn good. Very well done, the characters are believable in their frustration, the movie has this 'cheap' feel which works quite well against the backdrop of the story. Watch it. It's up there with Idiocracy.

Okay I just got pulled away for 1 hour and 16 minutes mid-post. I totally forgot I still had this open.

The only other thing that happened yesterday is that the other crazy girl finally became legal and she made sure I knew. She actually called me last night at 11pm. I am being good, don't worry.

Back to work now to try and have a weekend.

Y3 D344

Fuck me, I have been up since 6:30 and just spent the last 40 minutes being yelled at by a client because he doesn't understand how aggregation works. I WANT 7 ROWS. Well guess what there's 30 unique rows buddy. Fuck me.

Ugh. Okay, important shit first. Yesterday I spent about 6 hours total on the phone with these guys trying to figure out what my issue was and in the end it turned out to be bad data on their side. 22 hours of my life sucked down a fucking hole because they had bad data. Motherfucker.

No, I am not happy right now. I don't need to wake up to a phone call where people are yelling at me. Fuck it puts me in a shitty mood. I need to make sure I don't lash out though. Breathe.

After dealing with them all day, I met some friends at a local bowling alley around 7:30. That was fun. The place was too crowded for us to get a lane so we hung out in the bar until about 9 when I had to go get the kid from the train station. I dropped her off and went back to the bowling alley. I was out until about 10 then came home and we had a Phineas and Ferb mini marathon for an hour or so. Went to bed around 11:30 feeling pretty good.

At least until this morning. Now back to dealing with this mess.

Y3 D343

Here we go, the home stretch, the end of Year 3. Can he survive another year without killing himself? Stay tuned to the chilling, edge of your seat, heart pounding drama! Not really all those things, but hey, why not add to the excitement a little bit?

I worked over 12 hours yesterday. I really dislike when a client promises end users something without checking with me first. Kind of makes my day rough to deliver. I have these reports which have to be completed ASAP but I thought I had until the end of the week. Turns out they are doing training to the end users today on the application and want to show reports. Fuck me. I am still not done. I worked as long as I could last night, got them to a point where they can show them today albeit with bogus numbers. It's better than nothing. Deal.

Kid worked from 3-6. She found me in the same spot as she left me. Seriously it was a long day yesterday. I really didn't do anything other than work. Oh and think...

Here's what I was thinking about:

Why is it that women can't see the tree for the forest sometimes? Here's a nice guy, relatively good looking, who will text you in the morning, always say goodnight, listen to your problems instead of trying to fix them, dislikes sports and would rather go shopping, enjoys sex but isn't going to make you feel guilty on those nights where you really are just too tired, etc etc etc, yet I am alone.

Whatever. I am over it. I really am. If alone is what I am destined to be then I will make the best of being alone. That's the only conclusion I can arrive at these days. Anything else makes me, well see paragraph 1.

Oh I did book another trip. In 11 days I am back off to Greenville South Carolina. Home of the best fucking grits I have ever had in my life. 3 days of onsite training, 2 days of travel. Upside is I will travel on Sunday which means I can take Friday off and that is a planned Disneyland weekend. I got us two nights at the hotel on points so it's just gas. It's my friend's grad weekend with parties at the park. The kid is coming... you know I probably already told you about all this. But again, whatever. I am old and the memory isn't what it used to be.

Nothing is what it used to be.

Y3 D342

The drama kept unfolding yesterday and I did my best to stay the hell clear of it. I kept a respectful distance while replying appropriately to emails and texts. Sadly it did cost me a night out but that's okay as I had to be up early this morning to work on something anyway. Had I gone out I would have been in worse shape than I am this morning. That didn't come out right, I am okay this morning, just tired. Really tired for some reason. Of course for the last month I have found myself more tired than I want but that's because on some level I am still depressed about XTGF and just won't admit it fully. Or maybe I just did. Who knows.

Had the weirdest dream right before I woke up. I was in the back of an el camino but it was a submersible el camino with my mother and step father. I haven't had one of those dreams (about him) in a long while. I am always curious to know what it means even though in some ways I already do. I have many an unresolved issue with that man and while I hope to never lay eyes on him again, it would be nice to tell him off as I do whenever he makes an appearance in my dreams.

Anyway, in the back of this submersible el camino and we go through a drive through for food. They tell us to submerge and wait for our food. That's when I notice the leak in the camper shell (oh yeah, there was a camper shell) door and water starts to pour in. I ask him if he is going to fix it and he's like why it's just you back there. I hold up my laptop bag and say how about because I have a $2500 laptop back here that I need for work you fuck? We end up in an underground/underwater parking lot to wait for our food when I decide fuck this, I am walking home. Neither him nor my mother care so I get out and start walking only to realize I forgot shoes. I put on some weird loafers that don't quite fit and I start walking. After calling him every name in the book. That's about all I remember even though I can vaguely remember something before that where I was in a different car with other people and there was a pizza delivery guy in the parking garage.

Worked in the morning yesterday until I hit a wall and had to wait for the client to make DB changes. That took until 2:30 and I ended up working until 8:30 to deal with the changes. I do dislike these people who work at night and expect you to keep their schedule. Especially when on one hand I am keeping the other people's schedule. So I am up early to deal with them, then working late to deal with the other guy, and in the middle dealing with local people in my time zone. Ugh.

Kid had school and right before she left she got her IRS check in the mail. That made her feel pretty good. Made her feel like a person as she put it. She ended up walking to the train because she wanted to stop at the bank first. Made it easier for me as I didn't have to break from what I was doing.

I have already been getting emails from the client so time to work.