Y4 D4

I have no voice and yet I must scream...

Okay screaming isn't true but the I have no voice part is. Which really sucked yesterday because I ended things with TD and ended up having to do it via text message because I honestly can't speak above a whisper right now unless I want to sound like a squeaky toy. I did want to fill in some more blanks from Sunday while I am in a better space to do it. Let's make this a twofer in that sense...

Sunday. I had a really long talk with TD about expectations, things that were bugging me, etc and told her she needs to really think through whether she could be with someone whose schedule and lifestyle is going to be in conflict most of the time with hers. One of the things that has also been bugging me about her is that she lived in the city. In the past I have avoided dating anyone who lives in the city because of the additional issues getting there and back to meetup. Between either having to deal with traffic and find parking and all that crap or dealing with public transportation it always seems like it is a logistical nightmare when getting in and out of the city. I know it's not the end of the world dealing with it, but it definitely makes it more challenging to meet up randomly. The sad part is on the map it's only 15-20 miles which shouldn't be such a chore but it is and that's a factor for me. Add to that all the other little things that were bugging me - her ex-husband still being in her life, her ability to slip back into wife mode so quickly, the pot smoking - I decided I needed to be honest with her that I would probably disappoint her in the future and she should be ready to handle that. Bottom line? I was trying to give her a graceful way out without me doing what I did yesterday.

The show itself was weird. There was no real convention floor that I found, instead it was mostly a combination of different rooms and seminars and activities all going on at once. But the people, dear sweet mother of god the people. So many comic book guy type people in one room was overwhelming. You know when I am one of the hottest guys in the room something is wrong. Then the Armenians came.  No seriously. It seems that Sunday night in the same hotel was an Armenian Society of America convention at the same time as all our activities. At one point there were four armed and ready to go policemen watching activities.

Side note - did I mention that on Friday I cancelled DirectTV for good finally? I thought about that because I am staring out at the patio and for the first time in 2 1/2 years don't see a fucking satellite dish! Soon the whole patio will be clean!!

Anyway, we had a good time at the show. Even with other casts in the audience heckling us, bad projection, bad sound (all things outside our control as they wouldn't let us touch anything), weird blocking, and just overall craziness, we pulled off a fantastic show. The energy level was wild, the people who were there were having a great time, and it was fun.

Of course I woke up yesterday to find I had ripped off the skin of about half my right knee, but small price to pay.

Now on to Monday. I took home one of my cast mates who had slept on the couch Sunday night because it was easier than driving him home at the time. We were all too tired and it was one less stop. The kid and I had some nice lunch, ran a few errands, and enjoyed our morning/midday. The whole time by the way, I had no voice nor had I heard anything from TD.

Finally around 2:30 she texts to see how I am doing. Well shitty to be honest because I am about to end things via a text... Which I did around 3:30. She wasn't happy with me about it, but it is what it is. I have no regrets. I sent her a very long text explaining that I didn't see things getting better and I wished her well. She called me a jerk for doing it in text and that was that.

Watched Phineas and Ferb with the kid, took a bubble bath, and went to bed. My director called around 10:40, but I was already in bed. I don't think there is anything serious going on though because there was no follow up text or email, nor did she leave a voicemail.

Tonight is my depression group. I need to read a couple chapters in the workbook some time day plus do work for a client. Good luck Jim...