ANA Y1 D198

It's morning. I woke up an hour ago at 5:40 and fell back to sleep. I needed it. We didn't go to bed until nearly midnight. Still really not enough sleep. Never is. I had the most bizarre dreams. Buying a house in Australia. But in the 1970s. Trying to get out of the deal but knowing that if I held on to it the house would be worth millions today. Using a public restroom and no one caring. Weird. My brain is weird. 

We got a lot accomplished yesterday. The new table came. I really like it. Right now we have a leaf in it but I think that's going to change. It's just a little too long with the leaf in and I keep bumping one of the chairs when I walk by. I think I need to make it just a little smaller. Might do that this morning. Changed the lights in the driveway. They've been out for weeks and I just never seem to find the time to do it. Made it a priority yesterday. Big task was cleaning out the fridge and pantry. We threw away two garbage bags of outdated and old food. Some stuff went back as far as 2018. Seriously. Just gone. I felt so dumb still having stuff like that in there. Like why does this still exist? Needs to go. Ironically, some stuff I thought was bad still is good through 2023. Go figure. But at least I know everything in there right now is edible. We went to home depot to look for a couple of things but didn't find what we wanted. We did find some nice lights for the kitchen. But they have to wait. Maybe next year. They're only $250 each, but that's $500 I don't need to spend right now. For at least the next month or two, if I can't pay for it in cash, it ain't happening.

Made potato soup for dinner. Came out really nice. It was snowing last night and having some soup, watching tv, and staying in cozy on the couch was the perfect Saturday night. We watched three more episodes of Euphoria. Insane show. If that show didn't win every award someone is an idiot. Only two more to go in this season.

We had sex as well. Like good, long, slow sex. The kind that turns from physical act into intimate moment. It's nice to finally be desired and have a partner I desire. I wonder about myself some times. How many times was I with someone because I didn't want to be alone and nothing more? How many times did I marry someone because I was supposed to and not because I wanted to? Three. That's the answer to that question. I don't know. Maybe not. Maybe just two. One for sure. Two maybe. But no more. I am an idiot dreaming that I can have a life with C that will be long and good. I'm too old. I am too tired. But for however long it does last, I will enjoy every minute. I don't think either of us is going anywhere soon, but I know it's going to get rougher the longer we're together. I will get older and more tired. If they're like me at my age, I won't have the energy for them. It might take 20 years, but at some point, she will have had enough. I know this. She will need more. Just going to enjoy it while it lasts.

We have to make a drive today. Her nose piercing isn't looking good. We are going to the shop where she had it done and having them take a look. Hopefully everything is okay. It may be rejecting. If it is, that's going to be sad. She really likes it but it is what it is. Crossing my fingers for a positive outcome.