Y2 D167

Yesterday was just this insane day of high and lows. A major roller coaster ride. I couldn't handle it at one point. Just felt like the walls were closing in on me. No real reason either. Just felt like it was all too much. Then later I felt great. Man maybe I am bipolar or maybe I just have too much in my head and get too wrapped up in things. I spent way too much time yesterday morning dwelling on the past. Thinking about how I used to be someone of importance. I used to consider myself legend, now I am barely visible. Listening to two hours of NIN didn't help things much either.

Had the most interesting phone call with X1 yesterday. I called her to discuss Thanksgiving plans. We decided to do a late Tuesday night pickup and then drop off Sunday. The kid will get to spend almost five full days with me this way. I noticed she was a little too eager in accepting my suggestion. I knew it was a precursor to something more. I was right. At the end of the call she told me she needed to talk to me about something but didn't have the time right then and that she would call me later. (She never called of course, but that's just her, right?) I immediately called the kid and asked her what was going on with her mother. She has a new job - close to the boyfriend's house. This means she is spending 2 days or less at home now. Basically she has completely abandoned her husband and children. The kid and I talked about it and she doesn't get how her mother is putting her own needs ahead of her family. I told her I don't understand it either, but it's just the way some people are, you can't do anything about it. I then talked to X1's husband. I asked him what was new and he told me that yep she had a new job and was never home. Him and I talked about the possibility of depositing a check directly into their joint account instead of me sending a check in X1's name. This way I can be sure that the money is going to a household account and is being used for the right things. He was okay with this and so am I. Now of course if X1 ever calls, I will need to discuss it with her. Only 7 more payments. No more child support. Almost 16 years I have been paying. I can't wait to be done. Him and I also talked about when the kid was moving out. As soon as the kid is out and child support stops, he plans to put the house up for sale. X1 is acting like the kid will stick around for a while over the summer whereas her husband, me, and the kid all know that the minute graduation is over, the truck is loaded and we are gone. We all kind of love how she is living in this massive dream world and is about to have things shattered.

Heard from my brother. He finally got approval for heart transplant. Now we just have to wait for a heart strong enough to go into his body. Hopefully that will be sooner rather than later. Just because he made it to the list doesn't mean it's like there is going to be a heart tomorrow. Some people wait years for a heart that is right for them. I am hoping this is not the case for him.

After work dropped off the laptop at the Apple store. Now I wait to see if I get it back for free, or if I am screwed. Will probably hear something in the next few days. Cross your fingers for me.

Made a steak for dinner. I needed protein dammit. A nice little new york. It was wonderful. Watched TV and went to bed. By the time I got in bed, the malaise had passed. I am doing better this morning. Maybe it was the steak, maybe it was the rain going away. Regardless, this is a new day and I am ready to face it.