Y2 D182

My brother died at 7:40pm last night.

This is the one place where I don't have to lie or play nice. The only place I can say what is really on my mind. You might not like what you're about to read, but I have to get this out.

I knew that 2am phone call was not good. I just knew it. I knew either he got a new heart or was dead. I tried texting him starting at 6am. When I didn't hear back I bit the bullet and reached out to his wife. Sometime in the middle of the night he started losing oxygen and blood to his brain. He was in a bad state. He started hallucinating, was incoherent, didn't know what was going on, and became very agitated. They ended up having to sedate him. His body was failing. She headed down at 11am to find out what was going to happen next.

Here's the fucked up part -- I didn't get a call until 4:30pm. And it was from a friend of my brother, not her. They put him on a morphine drip at noon but no one had the fucking decency to call me until 4:30?? I rushed down to the hospital to find a room full of people all staring at essentially was a dead body. They were waiting for it to expire. She didn't even acknowledge my presence. Cunt.

They were saying because of his size it could take as long as until 4am for him to go. I left around 7 to go get the kid. I had to. I needed her right then because in that room I was an outsider. The only fucking blood relative he had and I am the outsider.

At 7:40 I got the call.

How am I doing? Whatever. I have had two months to be ready for this moment. What I saw in that room last night was a group of people having their faith shattered. They were all praying for the miracle to come. I already knew it was over. I knew he wasn't going to make it through the year. Yeah, I am a heartless cold bastard. Whatever. I came to terms with it. I have had enough people die in my life that I can accept it. It hurts like a motherfucker, but I can accept death.

I made my phone calls, sent my texts, played nice. Now the hard part is being left out of all the plans and what is happening next. I know the bitch won't call me. If she causes me to miss my own brother's funeral, she will pay. Severely.

In limbo right now waiting to know what's next. The kid is here and I think we are going to see a movie today.