What am I talking about? My ego. My attitude. As we enter this new year, I have been reflecting on all the things that happened last year that kept putting me into a spiral and at the same time all the things that kept me riding high. There was one piece of commonality that I kept coming back to again and again. The times I was at my lowest, it was my own goddamn fault.
I let my ego down. My ego was down, my self-esteem was down, my self-worth. But they were all driven by me. There wasn't any reason all the things, and yes they are all just things, around me should have driven me so far over the edge and into despair. Fuck that. The *best* years I can remember are ones where the ego stayed high. Where I let it all slide. Fuck the happy place - there is no happy place. You have to let it slide. Keep that in your head and your going to be ok kiddo.
So you want a new year resolution? You want something to hang your hat on babies? How about this -- no more. No more will this boy let outside forces bring the ego down. This may not be the best year ever. No one can predict that. But if I let the bullshit slide and embrace the good, then it will be a damn good year regardless of whatever crap gets thrown at me. It's all temporary and it's all meaningless. The only thing that matters is me.
Why all this thought now? I had my date last night with G. I sent her a message in the morning saying I was tired of playing phone tag and that we should meet for dinner, Wednesday, 7pm. Boom. She texted me back later saying that Wednesday didn't work but she was free last night. Fine. Done. No more screwing around playing coy. Let's meet and see where this goes.
We ended up having Indian food for dinner, which led to drinks afterwards. I always see it as a positive sign if they want to continue the evening after dinner. Kind of a little gauge on how the evening is going. In total we were out from about 6:45 until 10 together. Not too shabby for a normal first date. She is cute by the way. Age appropriate. A little different than some of the other women I have dated in the past, but a nice person.
More importantly? Third day of the new year and I was on a date already. THAT'S the real point. Even if nothing ever comes of it, I feel good because I am grabbing the bull by the fucking horns and riding it. No more sitting at home woe is me. I was out enjoying life and making things happen.
Welcome to a new year motherfuckers.
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