Y3 D128

Didn't hear back from Wednesday's person so good. My evil plan worked. Spent the day at home which turned out to be an issue for the client. I get a phone call around 11 saying I might need to be out onsite. My answer was 'no'. By the time I got out there it would have been 1 and then I would have had to leave at 3 to pick up the kid. Fuck you. Just because you have issues dear client, doesn't mean I am going to jump through hoops.

Otherwise it was a good day. I stayed up later than I wanted thanks to TGF but oh darn -- look at me, poor baby. Moderately successful first world older white guy issues -- I really want to sleep but my girlfriend wants to have sex with me. Boo hoo.

In the morning I drove the kid to the station and she said she would be going out with KBF. Ah yes, he is now KBF. Because later last night, she changed her facebook status to in a relationship with him. And if facebook says it, then it must be true, right? She told me she is going out tonight. For a picnic. On a hill. With a view. Oooooookaaaaay.... She's going to have sex. Good for her. Hell, I did.

Got home and fell back to sleep for an hour. Putzed around on the internet, met my friend for lunch, picked up the kid, made pork chops for dinner, watched TV, and finally banged. A good day with a happy ending. Man I am doing so much better. Thank you TGF.

Y3 D127

Another frustrating day at work yesterday. These large corporations drive me up a wall. Nothing gets done and the stuff that does get completed is so useless. I ended up ranting on G+ and FB because I was so frustrated. I sat and waited for their IT department to do something on a laptop because using my own would just be logical and we can't have that. The upside is I am home today because they are saying they won't have the issue resolved until late tomorrow. Mind you, what they need to do would take 20 minutes if I had admin rights to the laptop and not involve anyone but me. Stupid.

Came home and got ready to meet my friend for drinks. Now, on to that...

About a month ago I met this woman and started talking to her through email. Go back and read, you'll see where it happened. I was in a different place then -- I didn't know how TGF felt about me, where it was going, etc. We kept talking through email but I had forgotten we agreed to meet for drinks. I figured it was more responsible and nicer of me to at least show up and meet than to blow her off completely. Which is what I did. I didn't stay on my 'first date best behavior' either. I was just me. I drank, I smoked, I ran my mouth. I wasn't intentionally trying to scare her off, but at the same time I was. The evening ended early and appropriately. I told her last night, I had a nice time, call me if you want to do it again. This way the ball is 100% in her court and if she does call I can politely push it out until she realizes there is nothing further that's going to happen.

Got home around 10, called TGF, and went to bed. Right now, I think I might go back to sleep...

Y3 D126

Got past my little melancholy yesterday morning. Took a little while to shake it though. I think it had to do with the meh time I had Monday night coupled with me not wanting to drive to the client in the morning. It was a mildly frustrating day at work. We had another day of sitting in meetings and waiting for things to happen. I get very bored with that. Work wasn't eventful enough to spend too many cycles discussing that's for sure.

Got home around 5:15 and TGF came over at 5:30. The kid had another date - she was going to KD's house for dinner and to make pie. Pie. Yeah right. Tangential moment -- I know the kid is probably going to have sex with KD. On one hand it bugs me. On the other I am happy for her. As long as she doesn't make stupid mistakes like her cousin. Plus KD is a good kid and he seems like a smart one at that. She came home around 6 and we watched Buffy together until KD got there. She was so excited it was cute. She bolted out the door when he arrived. Both TGF and I laughed at this because it was so adorkable.

We went over to my friend's house to pick up the bowls and dishes I left there from the party. We hung out for about an hour just talking and lounging. Headed home and then had a little drama. Her mother is on a trip to Boston and she called TGF freaking out because she couldn't reach TGF's dad. She gets paranoid if he doesn't answer his phone. We think it comes from her upbringing in Russia where if someone is home late they might really be in jail somewhere. But she needs to get over it. We dealt with that for like an hour of TGF trying to reach her dad too. Turns out he had been at the gym then left his phone in his desk at work. Once he got home he called from the house phone. Tada. Issue done. But it stressed TGF out and we ended up staying up later than I wanted. The kid came home around 11 or 11:30. No sex. Not that she told me, but what she DID tell me was KD's mom was there and actually made them dinner. Yeah, no sex.

We were all so wired that around midnight we started playing Uno. All three of us. AMAZING how the kid's attitude towards TGF has changed in the last week. Night and day. She even said hello to her when she came home the first time. Thank god the tension there is gone. One less thing to deal with in the house. And no, we didn't last night because of feminine issues. Which also contributed to the drama because she was feeling emotional and her mother wasn't helping. Finally got to sleep around 1:30 and I was up at 4:30.

This is going to be a long day. I am meeting a friend for drinks tonight since TGF has dance. But I am not staying out late. I will explain more about what happens tonight, tomorrow.

Y3 D125

Kind of blue this morning. Not depressed, just kind of blue. Which ties into something one of my friends told me on Saturday. We were talking on the phone and she said that since I have been going out with TGF she has seem me handle things much more like a normal person. There are still frustrating and depressing things in my life like money issues, work issues, etc but she sees me handling them better. Which is why I say, I am just kind of blue. A little melancholy this morning if you will. I think I know why, but not 100% sure.

Yesterday was a bit annoying. Had to drive to the new client which is a pain in the ass. They are as far as I am concerned in the middle of fucking nowhere. I am not a fan of this client or the drive. I have worked there before and made the same complaints but no one listens. It doesn't matter. Regardless, I dealt with the day and came home. Before I left work though I started getting texts from my director. She was having a Walking Dead marathon last night and wanted folks to come over. I had rsvp'd as tentative before because I knew I would be tired. Her texts though made it sound like no one was coming over and I felt bad for her. People only see one side of her. She is a sweet person who is lonely like us all sometimes and I felt the need to support her. So I made the shlep over the hill to watch TV.

TGF is having that wonderful time of the month and was in no position to leave the house let alone be sociable and she didn't mind I went. But that's where I was feeling blue. I was sitting over there last night and just felt awkward. I felt weird that I have to keep TGF a secret from them. We have used the L word people. We are in a real relationship yet I can't say anything and it eats me alive.

Just not in the mood to type this morning. Need to ride to work.

Y3 D124

Ladies and gentlemen, we have L word. It was said last night. And no, it wasn't thrown out in the middle of some drunken throes of passion. Don't get me wrong, there was drunken debauchery yesterday, and there was throwing of passion later, but the moment actually came at our friend's housewarming party. We were standing on the stairs and it was blurted out by both of us. We both kind of were surprised, happy, and amazed all at the same time. We talked about it later when we got home, but the moment was fucking perfect. I don't know what this means in terms of our relationship changing or going to a different level, but we both know at this point there is nothing being held back and it feels extremely good.

The day started with me having very little sleep because of all of Saturday's fun. TGF came over around 11 and me, the kid, and TGF went to get iced coffee and screw around at the Halloween store. I think I found the costume I want to wear. It's a little pricey which means I have to wait until the first to get it, but it will be a hit for sure.

After that we came back to the house and I made food to bring to the party. This was a housewarming for the friends I helped move back in June. They finally have everything together and the house looks great. I am totally jealous of them because it makes me wish I still had a house of my own but I am also very happy for them. We got to the party around 3:30 and started drinking. Okay, I started drinking, TGF and kid didn't. The party was a blast. Lots of good people, lots of good food, and lots of good music. We stayed until about 9 and headed home. There was a little bit of an awkward moment for me during the party, but I think it's what led to our later moment.

See some of us were sitting around and the conversation turned to TGF and me. I felt uncomfortable being the center of the conversation for once especially about this topic. The upside is we were talking with people I consider to be good friends and I think the reason it was discussed was for them to get to know TGF more, and to show we had their support. That part felt good. It's nice to know these people care about us, see were are loyal and true to each other, and that we are happy. The weird part is I don't really like having to talk about something that shouldn't be anyone's business. However, at the same time, I know they were doing it to make sure they weren't backing a losing horse. For that I am grateful. It was after this conversation that the L emerged. I think the conversation had the same effect on both of us. We were put on the spot to publicly discuss our relationship and it made us both realize we did care deeply for each other, our friends support us, and those that don't can piss off.

Only dark cloud of last night was the kid. I know she was tired from the day before too, but she started brooding at one point which irked me. She knew what time we were going and when we were leaving. I knew TGF and her both had long days today as do I, so I didn't screw around. We left exactly when I said we would and I was sobered up at that point. I didn't need her brooding but I let it go because I think it had more to do with exhaustion than anything else. I also was informed from one of my other friends that the moment may be near. My little girl may be considering moving into the dark side of banging. Yeah, I am being blunt, but it's how I am wrapping my head around it. I won't be a hypocrite and I won't be righteous but I can still be a father. My friend said she would talk to the kid about certain things and I appreciate that. I hope she doesn't make any mistakes and I will support her no matter what.

We got home around 9:30 and the kid went off to bed. TGF and I went in the other room and talked about what happened earlier and then the passion started a flowing. She ended up leaving around 11 as she has school this morning and I have to leave in a few for my client.

I am supposed to go over to my director's tonight for a Walking Dead marathon, but I honestly don't know when I will finish up today or how tired I will be. I am playing it by ear for now. I may just want to come home and unwind. TGF has dance until 9 and she will probably go straight home. I could use the sleep anyway. Off to do it...

Y3 D123

I had a fabulous night last night. I did turn into a raving lunatic around 3am but that still was fun too.

I had the house to myself all day and it was wonderful. The kid's dat picked her up a little after nine and they went off to climb rocks. They actually had fun. Well I know KD (kid date) did because he does it regularly but even the kid had fun. I ran a couple of errands, straightened up the house, and really just chilled. I took a little nap in the afternoon, and then the kid got home around 3 to get cleaned up. I made RUM HAM!! If you don't know, don't worry - it's not for the feint of heart. It's basically cubed ham soaked in rum for 12+ hours. I also did rum pineapple to go with the rum ham. I went over to my insurance agent's house while the kid showered to pick up my cards for the bike. He also gave me a little blue pill. I don't need it, but he said it will make marathon sex much easier. Okay, I am down with that. When I got back KD was on his way back over. The plan was to watch a movie before we headed out to see our director's son's band play before heading to the show. KD came over, I ordered pizza, and the three of us watched Rise of the Apes. Technically they watched it since I already have seen it, but same diff. They were so frickin' cute. They sat on the couch holding hands and kind of cuddling. I was bursting with happiness inside. When the movie was over we all got ready and went over to where the band was playing. I did get into it a bit with my co-head as we supposed to meet me at the house but was too busy getting high and showed up at the club directly instead.

After a while we headed up to the city for the show. Awesome show once more thanks to the lack of alcohol in my system. It is so nice doing the show and not being drunken old idiot guy. We had four other casts visiting the area and they helped keep the rest of the audience pumped up. Everyone was on cue and rocking it last night. I was proud not only of myself but of cast too. We nailed it.

After the show is where things got hairy. We normally go to this one place for pie but someone suggested a different place that was closer. Unfortunately it's also more well known. 3:30 in the morning and I am standing on the street still waiting for a table. Fuck that. I did start going off, but it was in a fun cranky old guy playful sort of way. By the time we finished up it was 4:30 and I didn't get home until after 5. Yes, I have had four hours of sleep, but let's do it. We are going to a house warming party in a few hours. I am making spicy mac and cheese.

Yay it feels good to feel good.

Y3 D122

I am feeling awesome today. Woke up feeling like a million bucks at 8:30. And that was with going to bed after midnight. Sober I might add. Hell yes. Sober and alone on a friday night and I AM HAPPY ABOUT IT. God I am weird...

Drove to the client in the morning; technically rode to the client and once again had a sore ass. Seriously do not underestimate the value of a good padded motorcycle seat. Got there around 7:30 and hung out until he arrived at 8. This guy was a really excellent student. He grasped the concepts quickly, wanted to nail certain areas, skip over others, aka the perfect student. We had a fantastic day of training and I headed out around 4:30. Got home a little after 5:30. Traffic was less than the day before. I did do some lane splitting on the bike which always freaks me out, but I survived.

Got home and didn't feel much like making a real dinner so the kid and I just kind of noshed on random stuff. We hung out at home by ourselves watching X-Files movie, playing video games, and just being. It was wonderful. We just relaxed and enjoyed ourselves. I talked to TGF around 10:30 and we talked until midnight. Turns out we have the same taste in video games. She was trying to install something on her computer and it was a game that I happen to love. That turned into a 20 minute conversation about what games we like.

Some days I think how I shouldn't still like to play video games, etc and then I think back to that book Rejuvenile. If you've never read it, I highly recommend it. It accurately describes people like me. That we are the first generation to say Fuck You to 'being adults' in the traditional sense. As long as the bills are paid, the responsibilities are handled then there's nothing wrong with 'playing'. Look at Tony Hawk - my age. He's a perfect example as well. He handles his shit and then throws himself off a ramp 100 ft in the air. Rock and roll until the day you die bitches.

I have the whole house to myself right now and it couldn't be better...

Y3 D121

I don't have a lot of time this morning so I need to post quickly. My new client has everything locked down at their site which means I have to post before I leave and that means a short one.

Rode to the new client yesterday - 55 miles one way. Ugh my ass was killing me. Never underestimate the power of a good padded motorcycle seat. With the exception of their systems being locked tight as a drum and not allowing outside access, it was a good day with the client. I am doing a one on one mentoring session but we had a full training room to work in instead of at someone's desk which is always nice. We had some issues in the morning as he is a new employee and the training machines couldn't see all of the servers quite right. Once we got all that sorted out we were good to go. I left there around 5 and it took about 90 minutes to get home. Some scary moments on the bike, but overall it was okay.

TGF came over and we had a TV marathon - Runway, Always Sunny, Big Bang. Bed. That's it. Not very exciting, too tired to have any drama, and a good night. We had more sex. Yes, I know that part is getting old, but I love the fact that we pretty much have sex at least once a night. This is how life should be. Clean, good, and simple. I am happy.

Y3 D120

So glad yesterday is over. I woke up just stressed to the teeth. I had to give a webinar for over 800 people yesterday starting at 10am. Webinars are very different from training classes as you are talking to yourself even though there are hundreds of people listening. Odd thing. I have done thousands of training classes but only a couple of these types of sessions and never one with this many people. TGF actually woke up with me at 5:30 yesterday and I told her I needed her to not be a distraction. I needed her and the cat to stay in the other room while this was going on otherwise I would be even more stressed. 

I got through it quite well with only a couple of demo glitches. She completely respected me and stayed in the other room the whole time. Afterwards we went and had a nice lunch at Neiman to celebrate. I also learned yesterday she shouldn't be up at 5:30. By the time we got back from lunch she was so exhausted she passed out on the couch. This is someone who never naps. She was just out of it the rest of the day.

She left around 4:30 and I headed out to my bosses house. We all piled into his minivan to carpool to a forced fun company event in the city. I was brooding about it but in the end it turned out to be fun. It was at a cooking school where we broke into teams and made dinner for everyone. I ended up on desserts (what a shock) and made three plum and fig tarts. I had help from one of my co-workers but she pretty much stayed out of my way. With the exception of new people, everyone knows how well I cook and they were all giving me shit about being at a cooking school.

I am rushing a bit this morning so that's all I have time to get into. Have to be at a client 60 miles away in 90 minutes. Off...

Y3 D119

When I look back on Y3, I going to find some really good posts like this and the last few days amongst the darkness. It will keep me going.

Took the kid in the morning to public trans station. She was in a great mood yesterday morning too. I think her upcoming date has a lot to do with it. Plus she finally caught up on sleep like me. Amazing how catching up can change your attitude. Came back, did laundry, cleaned house a little, went to the grocery store, and made dough for loukomades - aka greek honey donuts. TGF came over in the afternoon and we had some afternoon fun after running a few more errands. I *tried* to work but kept getting roadblock at every turn. Got really frustrating where I ended up just saying screw it.

I did do one good deed yesterday. Since karma and I have been getting along lately, I didn't want to jinx things so I ended up donating to NPR. $10 a month. Enough to help them, not too much to hurt me, and it made me feel like I was doing some good in the world.

I also had a moment yesterday where I realized something. I missed a date a MONTH ago... it would have been our 14 year anniversary. You know what I honestly say to that? Whatever. Seriously I totally missed it. And when I realized it yesterday, I laughed.

Speaking of anniversaries - TGF and I are confirmed on a trip October 15th. We are going to Disneyland for our three month anniversary. Yes, it's a stupid milestone for most people, but given my track record, I am celebrating. Plus it's an excuse to bang out of town and to go to Disneyland. The kid has been wanting to go back to her old area so we will drop her on the way then continue on down. My friend works for Marriott and can get rooms cheap. We can get a King Suite at the Anaheim Marriott right across the street from the park for $79. PERFECT he says. 24 days until we are on a little mini trip. Yay.

Made a world dinner last night -- asian chicken stir fry, russian potato salad, italian/mexican mac & cheese all followed by apple pie and greek donuts. It was good. We all got along. Watched Buffy. Went to bed and yeah. Seriously this girl has a libido to die for. Thank god I can keep up. Chafed, but keeping up. Went to sleep around 11:30 because I told her today was important for me for work. I am about to give a webinar for 800 people. Wish me luck.

Y3 D118

Yesterday was frustrating and annoying from a work perspective. I was trying to get things done but was roadblocked at every turn. Either the client wasn't available, the data I needed wasn't available, I didn't have the right logins, etc. Felt like it was one stumbling block after another. Saving grace? TGF. I did some stuff in the morning, at least as much as I could, and then I woke her up - the fun way. That was perfect. We managed to have sex and get out of the shower five minutes before the kid pulled up from class. Timing bitches.

TGF wanted sushi for lunch and I decided to invite the kid along because she would be more pissed if I went for sushi without her. We had a decent lunch. The kid is finally starting to warm up to TGF. I think it helps that she has a date on Saturday and is starting to get her own social life. Regardless of who I was seeing I think there would be some animosity towards me because of her own shit going on. I get it. Which is why I am probably the only father in the world telling his teenage daughter to go date.

Decent afternoon, TGF left around 5 to go to dance, and I went off to a brow appointment. Came back and the kid and I relaxed. She played video games, I played video games, then we watched Buffy. Off to bed pretty early.

All in all, a good day. I am having more of those apparently. TGF and lack of booze are two of the main reasons why. I know it. I feel 'right' being in a relationship. I feel more complete. No one can be alone for too long without starting to lose it. Just read my blog. Sanity is not my friend.

Off to try and make sense of this day workwise and get some laundry done before TGF comes back over. This is the last few days where we will see each other this much. Starting next week we will both be too busy.

Y3 D117

Amazing the difference one day can make for someone. And for once I am not talking about myself. Two things happened yesterday to people I care about. First was the kid. I have to say her and I had the most incredible day yesterday. There's way too much going on in my head right now. I need to slow down and breathe for a minute. Things are swirling around - but in a good way. Let's take this in order...

Got up yesterday around 7:30 or so. The kid's guest was on the couch still sleeping. I did my normal stuff and around 9 we were all ready to head out. I am so glad I didn't drive him home Saturday night. I would have never made it. He lives in the hills off of winding roads where there are no street lights. I would have killed us all. Anyway, got him dropped off and could see the look in the kid's eyes. She is enamored. I didn't say anything though except for general stuff about him like he's a good guy, how old is he, etc. We then headed to the train station to take the train into the city. We got up there around 11 something and had a wonderful time. We walked all around, had an incredible brunch at this peruvian place - tuna tartare, eggs with vegetables, ceviche, peruvian ribs, and truffled mac and cheese - then we finished up with ice cream at one of the best places in the city. I had a Bourbon coke float. Bourbon ice cream with caramel and coke. Was the bomb. Seriously.

While we were at brunch, she let it slip she is going to have a busy day next Saturday. Oh? Yes it seems her and the boy have a date next saturday to go rock climbing. Rock climbing. My kid. Yeah she likes him. She would rather spend the day having a tooth pulled then go rock climbing. But the things we do... I am so fucking happy for her. After that she is meeting up with my director's kid as he has a band thing at a music store. Then she has a show. She WILL have a busy Saturday won't she? We got home around 4 something and relaxed. TGF came over around 5ish and her and I went for a walk.

In between something interesting happened with my director (the male part of the couple). He is a pretty closed off guy when it comes to his own feelings but yesterday he opened up publicly on facebook. He wrote a long message to his 'friends' about how he has been feeling and that he could use some help. I immediately texted him. He responded saying thank you and that he would call me later.

Around 7 or so we all were just kind of zoning out. Kid was playing Alice, I was on the computer, TGF was playing something on my tablet. It was peaceful and nice. Made some leftover Persian food for everyone and we all were just quite content. Around 8 the kid headed off as she was super tired. Me and TGF started watching Buffy when my director called. Him and I spent the next 45 minutes on the phone just talking about getting older, dealing with exes, dealing with wives, kids, and basically the stress of life. Like me, most of his friends are 20 somethings without kids or real issues. He also told me that out of his 173 facebook 'friends' like 6 wrote on his post but about 4 actually called, texted, or emailed. It helped to show him who is real friends are. I gave him the advice to do something like this. I explained to him how cathartic it is for me and he is going to give it a shot. I hope it helps him. He is a very selfless guy and it took quite a bit for him to reach out for help.

Around 9:30 or so TGF and I headed to bed. Her back was hurting and I gave her something to take the edge off of it. That ended up working in my favor as after about 1/2 hour she pulled the horny card and we did a double header under almost 1. Yes, I am tired this morning, but damn if it wasn't worth it...

Have some work to do to get ready for a presentation tomorrow. This will be good.

Y3 D116

There's a strange guy sleeping on my couch! Okay, he's not strange, I know who he is and why he is there - the kid made a friend! After all my worrying she turns around and does it all on her own without me getting in the way. Shows she's mine after all! Yesterday was a pretty good day. Made waffles for breakfast for me, TGF, and the kid. We all managed to get along pretty well too. TGF and I ran some errands while the kid did her thing. That pretty much took up the whole morning. Around 2 TGF headed out and I took a nap while kid played Alice. I did get a random weird text around that time which turned into some drama later in the night. For once though I wasn't the source of the drama, just in the middle of it.   The text was my friend's girlfriend. They were living together at her mom's place because her mom has some medical issues and they needed to be there to help her. After years of it, he needed some breathing room and recently moved into his own place. It has been a tough adjustment for both of them, but overall it seems to have been working or so we all thought. She texted me and asked if I was going to karaoke last night and if so could she get a ride. I figured okay this is odd, but I will be a nice guy and said no problem get here around 6. She shows up around six and we head out. I purposely don't ask about the boyfriend because I don't want to start anything. We get to the karaoke place and someone grabs me and says 'Oh my god you brought X! Y is coming and he is bringing a date!!'. Oh geez. Drama inbound. Turns out he didn't bring a date, he brought one of our other friends. We all know he has the hots for her, but we all also know she will never reciprocate. Long story long, they ended up in the parking lot breaking up and one of my other friends drove her home. I proceeded to get drunk. Didn't make too big an ass out of myself, just enough. I had a good time, didn't spend too much, flirted appropriately to keep up appearances, etc. I did mention to a couple of friends that it pissed me off that this other guy can bring his way too young gf but I can't bring mine. They know about TGF and are supportive and totally understood where I was coming from. Meanwhile we are all noticing the kid and this guy talking. One of my other friends tapped me at one point and was like 'Did you see??? She gave him a hair flip!!!' Nice. Around 11 I decided it was time to go and he needed a ride. It was too late by the time we got back towards home so I told him crash on the couch and we will drive you home in the morning. There you go. That's my adventurous saturday night. I am a little hungover, but not enough to raise a ruckus. I called TGF when we got home last night and she has plans today and so do I. we might see each other tonight, but no promises. Off to wake up the kid and the boy sleeping on my couch...

Y3 D115

Woke up feeling very content this morning. Just that little sigh you get sometimes when you feel alright. When you feel you can take on the day and get through it without stress. That's how I woke up this morning.

Took a regular train into the office yesterday. Got in around 7:30 and worked straight through until 3. I needed to finish a document and got it about 85% complete in the office. I will work on the remaining 15% this weekend. It's not anything stressful so it's not a big deal to work on it tomorrow in the early evening.

TGF met me at home around 4:30 and we hung out for a while just relaxing. Watched Home Movies and got ready for a 'date'. Yes, last night we decided to be like a normal couple and go out on a date. Dinner, out in public, the whole nine yards. She looked incredible. She had on nothing fancy, but the way she put herself together - wow. I had to stop and pause at one point because she really didn't look her age. I realized this was how she look when I met her and why I thought she was older. She easily looked 24-25 last night. Before we left I spoke with my director about the problem the kid has been having with making friends and spending too much time relying on me to be her social outlet. I talked to him because their son is the same age and dealt with a similar thing a few years back. He moved in with them and had to start a new high school knowing no one and feeling socially awkward. What my director did was force him to go to one of the school dances where some people who knew his dad (who by the way is a math teacher by day) decided to talk to him. We talked about a few more things I can do to help the kid without over stepping my bounds and basically making friends for her. These are the times I am thankful for them in my life. They are good people and are there when you need them.

Around 6:45 we headed out for a 7pm reservation at a local Persian place. Damn fine food. I was smart and made a reservation which turned out worked in my favor. They were turning people away when we got in -- not even offering to let them wait, no reservation, no dinner - buh-bye. TGF was impressed I had been smart enough to handle things. Yay me.

We had an incredible dinner of different Persian stuff including lamb shank, chicken thighs in orange and pistachios, Persian pickles, soup, etc. What a feast! Reasonably priced too. It was like $50 for both of us for everything. Not bad at all.

After dinner we swung into Best Buy. Yes, I bought it. I had to. Fuck you George Lucas, fuck you.

Then we headed over to this Mediterranean cafe where we sat out on the patio with a pot of tea, a slice of hazelnut cake, and enjoyed the water and a hookah. A nice sober, fun night out with my girlfriend. Damn that feels good to say and do.

We were home around 10:45ish. The kid was already home. She had been at her grandmother's working on a skirt she is sewing. She managed to finish it and it is awesome. I am really impressed with it and told her that. She had just gone to bed and was happy I was home early and sober. Me too.

TGF and I headed to bed, watched a little netflix in bed and then even though we both not more than an hour ago had said we were just going to sleep, banged like rabbits. Yep. Happy boy. We fell asleep snuggled around midnight.

Now you see why I woke up this morning feeling so good? This is the way life should be.

Y3 D114

Yesterday morning and afternoon were kind of rough. I was alone most of the day which started my brain spiraling. I was stressed about my paycheck whether it would arrive yesterday or today; I was stressing about TGF (more on this in a moment); I was worried about the kid (more on this too); stressing about work and what I was doing - the list is endless. I started to come out of the funk around 4pm when I had to go pick the kid up at the train station. I drove her in the morning to save the cost of parking and one connection. As I left my check was in the mail which reduced my stress level even further. Amazing how knowing you can pay your bills reduces the issue with other things.

Why was I stressing about TGF? Because sometimes I stop and think about what I am doing. I am dating a girl half + my age. Do I like her? Of course otherwise I wouldn't be with her. I am not one of these assholes who uses women for sex. I mean come on you know me better than that by now. But at the same time there are moments where the age gap hits me. It really hit me last night when I got home and called her. I will come back to that. Yes, I am all over the place today, deal with it. I am chaos personified mentally right now despite what I might be showing on the outside. I was just thinking about how she should be hanging out with people her own age and have a normal boyfriend who's going to break her teenage heart in the traditional way. I am mostly over the stress of it and am just going to try and enjoy my weekend with her. But that leads us to the kid..

I am worried about her social anxiety and frankly so is she. She told me the other day how she complimented this person's sweater and then freaked out for ten minutes in her head because she was afraid the person would want to have a conversation. It drives me nuts sometimes that I have more of a social life than my daughter. But at the same time I empathize because I went through the same thing. I don't want her to have to be in her 30s like I was before coming out of her shell. Although what can I do other than support her and offer encouragement? I did suggest she see about talking to a counselor or therapist. I know it's cliche but it might be a good answer for her. I also reminded her she has a family in cast and there are people who would love to talk to her about these things. Either way, her lack of social life and friends is making me feel guilty every time I want to do something without her. She's my baby and I can't see her hurting but I also know there is a point where it becomes sink or swim. Even if she is swimming in tears. Sigh.

Picked up the kid, hit the bank, and then prepped for a party at our director's house. Somewhere in there I talked to my sister. I might not say it enough, but I love my sister. She is a good guiding light for me. It's nice to have a sibling and someone who likes me no matter how stupid or dumb I behave. I hope she knows how important she is to me.

It was the premiere of Always Sunny which meant a party. We got there around 7:30 and hung out until around 11. I enjoyed myself even though I felt some tension from a couple people which I can mostly explain. There's still some stigma from my recent drunken behavior at a show and there will always be some bad taste in some folks mouth about TGF. But at the same time, there's no way I could not go. If I didn't show up then I would be (in their minds) insulting them. I did have one nice moment. One of my friends told me she felt bad that TGF couldn't be there. As she put it -- "You guys have been going out almost three months. You're in a relationship and she is your so right now. She should be here with us". And this is someone who doesn't really agree with my relationship but supports me. That's friendship.

Got home around 11:30 and called TGF. There's where the age thing shined again. She was 'hanging out in the park' with some friends. Huh. Weird. I haven't done that since I was... oh wait... she is that age... I don't know what time she got home or who she was with and it really doesn't matter. It's none of my business honestly. But it was odd to me that she was hanging in a park at almost midnight. Then again, I can hang in a bar until past midnight. Same thing, different venue. I don't know. It's little things like that which throw me off. Like tonight - tonight I want to take her to dinner, hang out at a hookah bar, and relax. Why can we do that? Because quite simply, I can pay the bill. Her other friends don't have that option. They can go to McDonald's and the yogurt shop. I can take her to real food and fun. Fuck me, I need someone my own age. Speaking of that, I have been chatting with yet another 'J' on OKC. I don't know what will come of that if anything, but I am not closing any doors. Sorry, I know that might sound rude, but I have to be realistic. If we make it past three months, then I will shut the other doors. At six months? We go public or we break up. Point blank.

In the office today. This should be fun.

Y3 D113

I fucking hate the DMV. I got there yesterday at 6:30am only to find that they open at 9 on Wednesday unlike every other day where they open at 8. Oh this is off to a fun start. Of course I wasn't the only one who made that mistake and there were other goofballs like me there. I got in line, technically I was the line, around 6:50. I then sat there until 9am. Problem? Once they opened the doors, they split the line into appointment and non-appointment. I was suddenly behind about 70 people. Lucky me. I didn't get out of there until almost 11:30. Then I had to go to my insurance agent and take care of the policy. By the time I got back home it was after 12 already. Almost 6 hours of my day blown. Luckily TGF was at the house which made it better. She took me to lunch and then we came back. I did some work on the requirements document I am dealing with and then we had afternoon sex. Remember what I said about it? Yeah I take it all back. Afternoon sex is just as freaking awesome as morning or night. Still the lower of the three, but totally enjoyable. It's only Thursday and damn.

She took off to go to dance and the kid and were alone. Funny we were both tired and ended up falling asleep in the front room. I slept from 4:30 until 6 and the kid slept from 4:30 until 7. I guess we needed the sleep. I heated up leftovers for us and we watched a couple of episodes of Buffy.

That's it. Boring day all in all. My head is pretty clear. Stressing out a little bit about things, but I think I can manage another day without jumping in front of a bus...

Y3 D112

Work really pissed me off yesterday. Once again these bastards are trying to take advantage of me. They are trying to slip in more work than what is allowed in the contract. I think because it really hasn't sunk in that I don't work there. Here we are two weeks after my leaving date and yet I am at the same desk, same login, same everything. I am trying to behave like a consultant -- working a straight 8 hours, cc'ing the whole world on emails I send out, etc. But yesterday I had to put my foot down a bit. They wanted me to do a bunch of the PM work on this project and I flat out told them I expected them to do it because they asked for my help on this project as a development resource, not a PM resource. If they were paying full price for me I would be less grouchy about it, but they are getting a special rate because it's supposed to be controlled what I am doing for them. They understood but they weren't happy about it.

Waited for the kid at the train station for about an hour to minimize back and forth driving. We got home and I caved in and ordered pizza for dinner. Just didn't want to think about things. TGF came over and we all hung out eating pizza and watching Buffy. I am saving the X-Files movie for just me and the kid. Our time.

Went to bed around 10 and started watching some weird ass Russian movie TGF loves. I started falling asleep halfway through it. Luckily she woke me up. In that way. Of course, afterwards we were both tired and the rest of the movie? Well...

Off to the DMV this morning to deal with the motorcycle. Joy.

Y3 D111

You know what I love about morning sex? No matter how bad the rest of your day goes, you can always sit back and say 'Yeah, at least I got laid this morning'. Kind of makes up for anything else that goes wrong the rest of the day. Don't get me wrong, night sex is a great way to end you day - 'man this day sucked, but at least I am getting laid!'. Afternoon sex? Meh, just one of those things. You like it, it feels good, but it's mostly just bragging rights - 'Man I was working today at the office! Really? I was banging around 3. Asshole...'.

Me? Morning sex yesterday. Started my day off right. I got up, checked emails, looked at the calendar, wrote here, etc then looked at the clock and was like, why not? Went into the bedroom, climbed into bed and uttered those immortal words - 'Wake up, I'm horny'. This time it worked for me. It ALWAYS works for women, for me, it's a crap shoot. Yesterday, I rolled a seven. We got up after, took a shower (side note - I will say it again, I love that she loves taking showers together. I don't know why, but there's something intimate and personal about being naked together in the shower that gets me right in my sentimental cheesy ass kisser.

After showering I did some more work and then called my insurance guy to get the numbers on the bike. $250. Reg is $272, total of $525. I wrote my bosses and they agreed to cut a check. I went off to my insurance agent's place to get the policy all squared away. TGF came with me and it was a good thing she was there because the kid had my car. Thankfully TGF has a car that works. Unlike psycho cunt who relied on everyone else to drive her around. Grabbed some lunch then headed back to the house to work. My day ended early because the current client is east coast and I needed them to finish up the documents. We ended up starting Buffy. Yes, I am now watching Buffy which means I am now watching Angel. Ugh. Don't get me wrong, anything Master Whedon does is pure gold, it's just that I now have to catch up on another show. Cest la vie.

Got the call around 3 that the check was ready. Went off to pick it up and deposited. Done and done. I am going to the DMV tomorrow to get this all squared away and be able to ride the bike again. Yay. We grabbed some ice cream while we were out too which was fun.

There was something different about TGF yesterday. I don't know if she had some mental block of her own come down, but I noticed it. She was a little more attentive, a little more physical. Not in a bad way, just things like as we were driving she started to stroke my cheek and play with my ear. It was nice. It's what I need. I thought about it later and realized that even at our best, X2 was just not a 'physical' person like that. She never just randomly grabbed my hand while we were walking like TGF. Hell, LO didn't do those things either because she was just the new and improved version of X2. TGF is different. Something I needed. Why the fuck couldn't we be closer in age where I could see a real future with her? Don't. I am just trying to be realistic and protect myself. Leave me be.

TGF took off around 4 just as the kid was getting home. She had dance last night and needed to get home. The kid and I had a nice simple dinner of chicken, rice, and veggies. All-fucking-american meal kind of thing. When I told her I started in on Buffy she cracked up. She is excited now.

We ended up watching the final episodes of season 5 for X-Files. We are now ready for the movie. Damn. Then we watched a Buffy together. I sensed she was happy TGF went home and enjoyed spending time with me. I do wish she could make some friends of her own. I don't know how to assist with that or if I even should, but... It would be nice to have the house to myself again. Sigh. I know.

Went to bed around 10, talked to TGF on the phone around 10:30 and off to sleep.

In the office today. Let's see how that goes.

Y3 D110

Didn't do much of anything yesterday. Enjoyed a relaxing day without any real drama. Since the show went well on Saturday night, there weren't 10,000 emails flying around yesterday. The kid and I went and had a burger followed by a little thrift store shopping. We came home and cleaned for a while. Then while she finished cleaning I went over to my friends house and hung out. He is pretty hard core into smoking and lit up a few times in front of me.  I shared a candy bar with him which was more than enough to send me flying. He also gave me a gift which frankly will last me a long time. It's fun to do on occasion but I am just not as into it as some of my friends.

Came home made dinner for the kid - lasagne. A good Sunday dinner. We watched one X-Files and then TGF came over. We watched a second X-Files together and then the kid went into her sulky mode because TGF was there. I refused to acknowledge her mood in this case. She needs to get over it -- TGF is here for as long as she is here. Deal with it. TGF and I went to bed and watched a movie in bed. We watched this movie called "Everything's Illuminated' from 2005. It was pretty good. A little heavy, but good none the less.

After the movie we went at it which was quite enjoyable. Then we drifted off to sleep. A good Sunday.

Y3 D109

I love it when we have good shows. And when I am actually sober enough to remember them. I stuck to my word. I didn't have anything to drink yesterday before, during, or after the show. Let's start at the top of the day. All in all it was a good day. I am stressed about money because my last check at work was short, and I have shit to last until this Friday, but I tried to not let it get me down. Stress me out, yes, get me down, no.

Woke up around 8:30 with TGF in my bed. No we did not have morning sex. That would have brought us up to 11 but she wanted to sleep and I am starting to get sore. We did shower together yet again. I love the fact that she wants to always shower together. I think it's the cutest thing. I have always wanted someone who finds a simple thing like that fun. It's dumb, I know, but I like it.

The kid and I had to be in the city before 12 to pick up props. We drove up around 11 and get there about 11:45. Luckily since I know the theater people and they didn't officially open until 2, I was able to park right in front in the loading zone. The employees were having a meeting on sexual harassment and you could tell it was one of those "really we have to watch this video?" kind of meetings. After grabbing the props the kid and I finally went into some of the stores around the theater that we always look in the windows of, but are always closed because we get to the theater at 10 at night. I did have one funny moment yesterday that I enjoyed. We go into this one store where they look me up and down a bit and at first decide to be a little snotty. But then they look AGAIN and one asks me where I got the t-shirt I was wearing. I casually mention "oh this? Kill City on Melrose, 2010 collection". That's when they REALLY look at me and realize "oh shit, everything this guy is wearing is designer and we just snubbed him". The back pedaling was amusing. "Is there anything we can get you while your daughter looks sir?" No we're good, thanks. Ready kid? NEVER ASSUME PEOPLE. Just saying...

We had lunch in a little vietnamese hole in the wall. I had a pork belly sandwich and she had a curried beef sandwich. Awesome shit.

Got home around 2 and crashed out for a bit. I knew if I didn't I would be tired for the show. Woke up around 4 and watched Runway. This week's episode pissed me off. Just starting to grate on my nerves with a couple of the contestants. They annoyed the shit out of me. I know it's TV and they intentionally do things, but it can still turn away viewers when it goes too far.

Made a quick dinner around 5:30 of tortellini and sauteed beef. Nothing fancy, just a quick little meal before we headed out. Left around 7 for the show. Got there about 8 and started unloading the van. All in all the show was really good. We had to deal with a damn piano on the stage, but we worked around it. Everyone was feeling good, we had a strong audience, and we were on the road around 12:45. Perfect night. TGF came with two of her friends. It's getting a little annoying that I can't like acknowledge her around certain people, but whatever. If she ever calls me on it, my response will be that I will tell my people when she tells her parents. That should be an interesting moment. She went home after the show as did I. We talked when I got home but we both were in bed asleep before 2:30. I love the early shows. So much easier to deal with than the midnight ones.

Feeling okay this morning. Need to clean the house a little but otherwise am free today. Let's see what happens.

Y3 D108

Another day. Yesterday was fun. I got up around 6:30 because the kid texted me to tell me she was freaked out and had almost killed three people and accidentally ended up at the airport. Nice. See, she has a fear of driving. Even though she has had her license for almost two years now, she hasn't really put a lot of time under her belt until she moved in with me. In some respects she has only been driving for 3 months. This was the first time she got on the freeway at commute time since moving in with me. I should explain something -- the kid takes two different modes of public trans to get to school. First the train to go to the light rail station, then the light rail to campus. The train ride costs her $5.50 round trip plus $4 to park all day. On top of that, the light rail is $7. The train ride however is ONE stop. I have been after to her to just drive to the light rail station where parking is only $2 thereby netting $7. She has been hesitant because of the drive. She finally did it yesterday and look where that got us...

In the end she made it fine, but it made for an interesting start to the day. I went out around lunch to pick up some things from my director and then came back home to wait for TGF. Before she got there the kid and I hit the grocery store. I needed to get some basic household stuff like razors, cleaning supplies, etc. Did some work throughout the day on the client I am supposed to be working on which was nice. TGF and I finished watching the show Jekyll while I took care of laundry. Then headed over to the mall to just screw around. We came back and lounged. I made a feast from the leftovers of the night before. A giant pot of gumbo with sausage, shrimp, crawdads, and corn. Then I made grits on the side. It was wonderful. We watched an X-Files while we ate. 112 episodes in. BTW -- Jekyll was fucking awesome. Watch it if you haven't.

After dinner we all settled in for a horror movie marathon. Neither of them had seen any of the Evil Dead movies and TGF had no clue who Bruce Campbell was. After my heart restarted, I put in the original. Evil Dead 1!! We watched both and then went off to bed. Well the kid went off to bed to sleep. We went off to pull a double header until 1 something in the morning. I think that brings me to 10 for the week? Ten. Ten glorious times. Hell even if we break up tomorrow, I have enough built up to cover me for a good year.

Today we have to run around getting props and get ready for a 10pm show. Let the games begin...

Y3 D107

Yesterday turned out to be a little, and I do mean a little, less stressful at work. The client upstairs finally got the hint that I am not working on their shit any more I think. I was carboned on a few messages, but no direct contact. About fucking time. I went in super early too. I took the 5:19 train and was in the door by 6:24. There's a positive to that coming in a minute. Hold on. I spent the first part of the morning catching up on stuff, just trying to wrap my head around a bunch of different emails and then I dove into the work for the client they are paying me to deal with - finally.

Took me most of the day, but I did get a huge amount of work done for this client. I finished up around 2:18 and was sitting there thinking what to do next. The next phase would take much longer to work on, and I didn't really have anything else. That's when it struck me -- I am a consultant again. I got in at 6:24. Oh look, 2:24, that's 8 hours. Buh-bye.

Left and was home before 4. The kid and I met friends for dinner at this Asian/Cajun (say that 10 times fast) place that just opened up. Interesting place. Her and her husband treated us because this is the one I helped get a new job. We ordered the massive feast for four -- 4 lbs of crawfish, 2 lbs of shrimp, grits, corn, gumbo, bread, squid, and dessert. It was a huge amount of food. I swear I have POUNDS of crawfish they let me have as leftovers.

We had a really good time and we were home around 10. The kid went off to bed and I called TGF. We were talking for about a 1/2 hour when my phone died. I hope she doesn't think I hung up on her, but it just died. I had no way of calling or apologizing either. We will see if there are any repercussions this morning.

Today I am home working on documents. Plus I need to run over to pick some stuff up from my director at his work. Otherwise, it's a document relaxing day. Assuming she is not pissed at me, I should see TGF tonight. Which means I might get close to breaking 10 in one week...

Y3 D106

Remember yesterday I said three or four more times before the end of the week? Try three times YESTERDAY and that was between 10am and 3pm. Three times in 5 hours. Jesus. At this rate before the week is over (Sunday to Saturday) I might hit 10 times. Dear god. Ya know, when a slump ends, a slump ends.

On to more important things. Because even though I can flippantly talk about getting laid, I am not happy right now. I know I should be talking about yesterday but technically this started before midnight so it counts. Right now I want to put the gun back in my mouth. I know. I don't know where it's coming from other than a general dissatisfaction with life in general. I still feel like a square peg in a round hole. I know I *should* be happy, there's really nothing wrong other than normal every day stuff, but for some reason there's this voice in my head telling me I am worthless, useless, and don't deserve to walk the earth. Fuck.

Got up yesterday around 6 something and started in at work. I worked from home because I need my (now) old company to understand I am NOT their employee. I am a contractor which means they may not see me some days. But it doesn't seem to be sinking in. I spent most of yesterday working on old clients instead of on the one they have contracted me to work on. Talk about rock and a hard place. It really pissed me off to be honest. So I took that anger out in a fucking around once TGF woke up. I was on a conference call from 10-11 and when that was over I went into the bedroom and number one. We then took a shower and when we went back in the bedroom, oops, number two. I then did some work for about an hour and we went off to have some lunch. When we got back I worked for about a half hour mostly fending off the dickhead client in the office upstairs who can't grasp the fact that I don't work here any more. I got tired of his constant IMs and emails so turned off the computer for a while and number three. The kid came home during the middle of number three which I think was weird for her. It was a little weird for me too. I heard her leave and told TGF she should probably go allowing me to work and well, to make it less weird. She understood. The kid came back about 10 minutes after TGF left.

It brings me to a bit of a conundrum. Is it because of TGF's age or is it simply dad's banging somebody in the middle of the afternoon in the same house? I honestly think it's more the latter. I don't think she would feel comfortable regardless of who it is. I know I don't 100% feel comfortable. We live in a relatively small apartment where it's kind of hard to hide what we are doing. Plain and simple. Even if this was my wife or someone older, it would still be odd because not much separates us in terms of walls or distance. But what am I supposed to do? Not have a life? She's not 10. She's almost 19 and in college. Do I tell her it's time to get another job and move out? I am really leaning towards that in July when my lease is up. I want to see where she is at and maybe suggest her and one of my other friends get an apartment together. She needs to start being more independent. At her age... yeah, yeah, I won't go there.

After TGF left I worked a little more and then the kid and I had an X-Files marathon. Five episodes. It was good quality time. We laughed and talked and ate. We went to the store for an ice cream run which was fun. Around 10 we called it a night. TGF had dance and she texted me around 10:15. I politely told her I was already in bed and to call me today. Smart move. I needed the rest. While my brain is still muddled and fucked up, at least I physically feel better. I feel like I got some well overdue sleep.

I don't know if I mentioned, but my friend got the job I helped find for her. I called in a couple of favors, got her resume in the right hands, she nailed the interviews, and bam. They made her an offer on Tuesday and she starts in two weeks. I bring it up because she wants to thank me with a dinner. We might go do it tonight. Let's see if that happens. I am in the office today. Got her around 6:30. I am not sure how long I will stay or what I will work on right now though because I am still not in the mood. My head is just not in a good place. I think TGF has dance again tonight which makes that easy.

I heard back from Fangirl yesterday but I ignored her messages. My sister politely pointed out I am playing with fire and she is right. I will ignore her and see if she goes away.

Okay, let's see if I can make it through the day without hurling myself into traffic.

Y3 D105

Yesterday was fucking weird. I go into the office which technically isn't my office but it is my office because I am still working there. Huh? Yeah. And I had to try and get things officially transitioned off my plate. I was extremely stressed out because these people didn't let any of the clients know, didn't have resources ready, etc. I chewed my now old boss out a little yesterday. I told him that I am being paid to work on THIS client, not these three others. He needs to establish a separate retainer for these other projects. He didn't like hearing that but it was stressing me out too much.

I am still stressed out because one of the clients just wouldn't leave me the fuck alone and the other was having technical issues. Gee, why did I leave this job? Oh yeah, the product has issues!

Fuck me.

Got home normal time and dealt with some phone calls from my current bosses. Looks like I am going to start something new on Sept 19th and it's in a fucked location. Just what I didn't want. But I told them the only way I will do it is if I can stay over during the week. They agreed. While it's going to suck to be gone during the week every night, at least I will make some serious points and not have to deal with traffic every day.

TGF came over around six and we hung out watching some TV with the kid. She went off into her room and TGF and I went out. Nothing exciting - froyo and a walk in the park. Very cliche, but very enjoyable. We came back home, watched another episode of Jekyll and then went to bed. I really like having her here. Oh and yes we had sex. What normal people don't have sex 4 or 5 times a week? Yeah, I know I am being a smart ass on that one. Amazing how 5 years ago when I was younger, married, and no kids at home, I was having sex MAYBE once a week more like once a month. This week alone (from Sunday to Wednesday morning) four times. And the week isn't even half over. I am thinking a good three or four more times. Yep.

OH MY GOD -- I almost forget to mention: I think I am being setup for an online sting. I mentioned I now have a 'fan', right? There's this girl on Facebook who is commenting on pics of me of how awesome I am and how much fun she has at shows, etc. I say hello and she friends me. No big deal right? Well then she starts posting stuff on my wall and starts chatting with me. She makes one comment about how I can't touch her for 8 more months but I should put it on my calendar. Wha?? Then she says she wants to meet up to hang out. Now, I am playing this cool because I am also thinking this is our target audience and if I play nice, I can fill seats. Lots of seats. So I say sure, let's meet for coffee in the daylight, downtown X. And bring your friends if you want and I will tell you stories about being on cast. She says that sounds like fun and we arrange a time. Done and done, right? Um, no. Later in the day she posts a pic of herself on FB in her bra. And she sends me a message saying 'that's for you babe'. I refuse to respond. Period. I don't know how many guys she sent it to, but legally? That's child porn. I am not responding in anyway to the pic or the message because that could be construed as an endorsement of child pornography. This is why I think I am being targeted for a sting. I will meet her for coffee, but will be recording the whole meeting. My goal is to be friendly to fill seats. Show these people we're not one of the old casts filled with 50 and 60 year olds. Bring your friends! Have fun! But guess what baby? I don't go to jail for anyone...

Y3 D104

Had a long day yesterday. Mostly because I didn't leave the house. Except for one quick trip to the grocery store, I pretty much stayed inside. So much for a 'wild labor day weekend'. The kid went out around 11 to hang out with her grandmother. TGF was supposed to do a family bbq, but ended up hanging with a couple of her friends. We will discuss this in a minute...

I got up pretty normal time and started working on one client's stuff. It's odd because I don't know where to bill it. It's not one of the client's under our partnership deal, but at the same time, I wasn't an employee of my (now) old company. This whole thing is weird.

I reached out to TGF at some point in the early afternoon because as we know she doesn't get up until noon on a good day. I asked her what was going on and she told me she was hanging out with her friends until the family thing. Okay, all good. Watched some random shit on Netflix, and just kind of hung out alone. Went to the store, then got back. TGF beeped me to say hello at some point. I asked how the family thing was going and she told me 'oh it got cancelled. i am still hanging out with X'. Oh. I see. Yes, I admit it - I had a twinge of jealousy. I even told her. But not until later.

Kid got home and we had some dinner and watched a different show than X-Files for the first time in a while. We are 103 episodes into it for the record. We watched a BBC show called Jekyll. It's about the last descendant of Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde. Was very interesting. I enjoyed it more than she did, but since there are only six episodes I think i can get her to watch the whole thing.

It was around this time, I learned I have a fan. My very first theater fan! There was a picture posted of me from the show Saturday and when it was shared with me, I saw that this one girl was gushing about how much she loves seeing me at shows, how she can't wait until the next show to  see what I will do next, etc. She ended up friending me and I accepted for the hell of it. Might have been a mistake because she started posting on my wall and even this morning has been sending me messages. Cool? Yes. Weird? Yes. I have a fan.

After that we both went off to other rooms and TGF called. We talked for a while and she asked what was wrong. I didn't even realize there was something wrong until she pointed it out. I told her I was a little jealous but not like in a bad way. It was more, why do your friends get to see you and I don't kind of way. She told me she totally understood and she kind of felt the same way when she has to watch me flirt/interact with girls at the show. Especially when she saw what my 'fan' had been posting. But we both agreed it wasn't like bad jealousy. It wasn't Oh my god you can't see this person kind of bullshit. We also agreed that neither of us like couples who are attached at the hip and don't seem to have their own lives. All in all it was a good talk and we respected each other's views. We ended up talking on the phone for over two hours. My ear hurt.

Okay, time to stop screwing around and pretend like I give a shit...

Y3 D103

I just sent an email to my tech crew. I admitted publicly that I am an alcoholic. And that I will no longer be drinking before or during shows. I can't keep pretending that I don't have a problem with it. I fucked up the show on Saturday because I was drunk and that's no longer just hurting me, it's hurting other people. I always have said, it's one thing to self destruct, it's another when you bring in and hurt innocent people.

Didn't do much of anything yesterday. Spend most of the morning in bed with TGF having sex and just enjoying each other's company. She went home around 3 and the kid and I hung out. She played video games while I read and did stuff here on the computer. Around six we went over to our director's house for a brain storming meeting on how we can improve our numbers. Some really good ideas came out of the meeting. I was impressed by the fact that the largest representation at the meeting was tech crew. We came out in force. It showed our directors that we are not in this for ourselves and we truly believe this is a family worth fighting for.

My friend drove and I ended up forgetting my keys at the house. We had to wait for someone else to head back over our way to bring me the keys. We ended up having pie while we waited. This meant we didn't get home and in bed until almost midnight. Made for a long day.

Today is technically a holiday, but I am working. I want to get at least five or six hours in today. Off to grind.

Y3 D102

Yes, I know it's almost 3 in the afternoon. I was busy. Yes, doing that. Heh heh heh. So yesterday... Kid and I spent the day together. We tried to do a little shopping. Specifically she was looking for shoes. I ended up finding a new hat. Went with my whole zebra thing last night. Yes, I was a zebra.

So we got back from shopping and watched X-Files. Had some chicken tacos and then went out for the show. I ended up getting pretty drunk, missed a few cues, and made a bit of an ass out of myself. Hey, what else is new?

The show was pretty messed up because we only had 62 people in the audience which really sucked. We need over a certain number to keep the theater. Today is an emergency meeting to discuss how to get our numbers up. I have some things to present, hopefully they will be listened to by everyone.

After the show TGF and I went over to our friend's house for an after party. That's when I realized how drunk I was and how I messed up the show. I need to stop drinking pre-show. Seriously. It's affecting how I do and that's not good. I need to think about this for while.

Y3 D101

I tried really hard yesterday to care, I honestly did but...

I played nice. It was definitely one of those things where I wanted to be a total jerk and just play all day but I knew too many people were counting on me. And it paid off -- near the end of the day my boss asked if I would be willing to do another project after the ones I am already doing. I know it sounds odd that I would consider it, but the difference is I would be getting paid as an hourly contractor and my company would be getting paid, therefore I would be making my billable goals. I would be bringing in revenue for the company without even trying. I told him I would think about it over the weekend. I also committed to working on some stuff that was due yesterday over the weekend for free. Yeah I know, but I don't burn bridges. Even when I really want to.

After work I headed home and TGF was waiting for me. For once she decided to stay and wait for me to get home. It was really nice having her be here when I arrived. Made it feel like a real girlfriend situation. We are seven damn weeks as of this weekend. Seriously, this is a record. This is the longest relationship I have had with anyone since the divorce. J1 and I went out for about 2 months, but we barely saw each other and it was never at the same level as I have with TGF. In actual time elapsed, if TGF and I hit three months - October 17th - then it will hands down be a record. I read what I write sometimes and realized I have been saying 'if' when it comes to her a lot. There's a reason. It is way too early in our relationship to think it's a long term thing. We are having fun; we are enjoying each other emotionally and physically. But, it's been two months. You don't make decisions based on two months. Six months. A year. Then you start thinking about what's down the line. You think about 'future plans'. For example, I have a wedding Nov 12. I have yet to mention it to her. I keep things one to two weeks out in terms of what I share with her. It's not being a jerk, just the opposite. It's being realistic and an optimist. My buddy has a birthday party in October I found out about yesterday. I didn't mention it to TGF, yet. Let's see how things go. The other thing it does is keeps me from being complacent. One reason J1 and I didn't work out was I slipped right into married mode. She was the first serious girlfriend I had after the divorce and my instincts kicked in and I went into married guy mode. I have promised myself I wouldn't make that mistake again.

We sat around watching X-Files then met a friend for Indian food. We all had a good time and TGF went home around 9. Today she is hanging with her friends and I am going converse shopping with the kid. She needs a new pair bad. There's the other thing I really dig about TGF -- no hassles about hanging out with our friends. No attached at the hip moments. It's Saturday, we have stuff to do, see you tonight after the show. Bam. Done.

The kid and I watched a couple more episodes after TGF left, but I ended up falling asleep on the couch. Oh well.

Today I need to get cat food, shoes for the kid, and do music for the show tonight. Ready? Go!

Y3 D100

Day One Fucking Hundred of year three. That makes what? Holy shit, 831 posts. Sweet mother of good. Verbose much? Damn.

So yesterday... goddamn my life is weird... Wednesday I am in the front row of a Metallica concert and last night I am wearing a fur vest and eye makeup dancing at a gay club with my girlfriend. Love it. Love the contrast, love the insanity. Hey it's hard being me.

Went to work in the morning and busted ass again all day. Trying to get through things and made some progress but not as much as I would have liked. I really wish I could be like other people who during their last week at a company slack. Me? Nope. I have worked harder this week than the last two combined. Just the nature of the beast. Went home around 5 and met TGF, the kid, and my gay asian. We went and had mexican food for dinner which was fun. Then we went back to the house and watched project runway. When that was over we all got ready to leave for the club. We took off around 9 and grabbed our other friend. He was sitting in his backyard pounding 4-Loko. Yeah, 9pm and that's how we kicked it off. Me, TGF, the Gaysian, and my co-department head. Off to the club!!

Our buddy was DJ last night which meant we were on the good list. We got there a little after 10 and danced our asses off until about 12:30. Two and half hours of solid dancing and drinking. I didn't drive and was able to drink as much as I wanted without worry. That's always nice. I may be old and dumb, but I am trying to get smarter. Got home around one and went at it like rabbits until 3. Goddamn this girl makes me happy. My back is a criss cross of nail marks, bite marks, and god knows what else. Love it.

I am fucking happy today and no one will bring me down. Goddamn it's been a while...

Y3 D99

Remember in June of 2010 when I had that moment where it was supposed to be a good day where the kid and I were going to the fair and then my bosses called and it turned to shit? I got yelled at because of LO and everything that went down in AZ BUT that same night we ended up in the second row of an Eddie Money concert with the kid wearing his sunglasses? Yeah, yesterday was one of those but this time I ended up in the front row of a Metallica concert. At a conference. Weirdness...

So I get on the butt fucking early train yesterday. 5:20am. Shoot me. Way too dark. Get in the office about 6:20 and I go full bore. I have to deal with my boss and the client from around 7 until 11ish. Just going back and forth on why things aren't done, where are we, when it will be done, etc. Around noon our office manager wants to know if anyone wants to see Metallica. Huh? What? Turns out they were doing a corporate gig at a conference. Um, ok. I keep working hard and finally make some progress. At 6 I head out with one of my co-workers because we are going to go to the show together. We drive to her house, she and her husband get a little high, and we head to the show.

Strangest fucking Metallica concert ever. I am surrounded by people in khakis and polo shirts. These people have probably never been to a Metallica concert nor a heavy metal show in general. There was free food and wine/beer. 35 year old women in their marketing clothes. Douchebags in their suits. Weird fucking show. And Metallica basically did a commercial for the conference in the middle of their set. I saw them 29 years ago (thought it was 28 then I did the math) at Metal Up Your Ass. WAY different vibe. Plus I have seen Metallica probably 50 times since and last night not once did they swear. Huh? They self censored themselves. Bizarre. I blew out before the show was over so I could catch that last train.

Let's see how today plays out...