Y3 D189

I still don't know what is wrong with TGF. Neither does she and that's the problem. She is just in an anti-social mood according to her. Sometimes I am just a pure "guy". I want to FIX things. If there is a problem, identify it, figure out how to fix it, fix it. Move on. Done. Yet at the same time I know I am one to talk when it comes to just being in a shitty leave me alone kind of mood. I have definitely been down the spiral one too many times myself to be critical of her.

Day started out okay. Went to work, got some direction on what I am doing here. Also I got the final word that on the 11th I am off to NY. Technically I will be in NJ but it's right on the other side of the Holland Tunnel which is a quick train ride into Manhattan. I will probably go to Manhattan one night just to say I went. Nothing more, nothing less. Plus I am at a point in my life where I like riding trains. Might be fun one night to just get on a train and go. Unless of course it is 4 degrees outside which it may be. If so, then I am staying right in my cozy hotel room thank you very much. I need to talk to my bosses today to use one of the company cards and finalize arrangements.

During the day I texted with TGF. She wasn't in the mood to drive to my place yesterday so I offered to come to her. At first she said that would be okay but then like two hours later she back pedaled and said she just wanted to be alone. That's when I got all pissy.

I drove home, picked up my contacts, and grabbed a friend for dinner. I will be damned if I am going to sit in the house doing nothing because she isn't in the mood for company.

Sigh.

I love this girl and it is driving me nuts that I can't fix what is wrong with her. She has dance tonight and I won't see her again which is eating at me. At the same time, some time apart is not the worse thing for us either.

Fuck. Back and forth goes the wheel in my head...

Talked to her before going to bed. Slept like crap. Another day another step towards oblivion.

Y3 D188

Sometimes it's a struggle between my need for human intimacy and contact versus wanting to be alone and not having to worry about anyone else's needs or feelings. I don't know if this makes me a sociopath, a psychopath, or what, but it's just something I deal with on a regular basis. Yesterday was a prime example of that. For most of the day I felt like it was so much better to be alone and not have to worry about whether things are okay, is this person okay, do I need to do anything, yadda yadda. There are times when I am more comfortable just worrying about myself. I couldn't shake this feeling all morning as thought it were a premonition of things to come. Turned out it was.

Got to work yesterday a little late as I had an eyebrow appointment in the morning. Turns out it didn't matter what time I showed up. This also may have been contributing at the time to my mood. First off, the stuff I worked on Thursday they hadn't even bothered to look at yet which pissed me off. Why did I even bother? You had FOUR days to look at it. It wasn't like I was asking you to look at it in one night. Assholes.

Then at 10am the server went down. I was effectively done for the day. I sat there until 3:30 doing nothing. Absolutely nothing yet I couldn't go home just in case it came back online. Double assholes.

While I was waiting for the server to come back up I went ahead and finished up the majority of my Christmas shopping on Amazon. I had a $125 credit on there and spent $96. Two small gifts for TGF, the rest for me. I also tried placing an order for a KINECT but even though it let me place the order with store pickup, a couple hours later I got an email saying oops we fucked up. That item isn't in stock. Sorry. Gosh, our issue and we won't do shipping on the item. Sorry again. I am just going to try every day until I actually get my item. Fuck it.

When I got home, I went to the dollar store with the kid to get wrapping paper. I refuse to spend real money on something whose only purpose is to be ripped up and thrown away. Kind of like me. Use me, abuse me, throw me away...

Sorry, I am in a funk that started yesterday and is slowly growing worse. One of the problems of being ruled by the water and the moon. Funny I see it in TGF too. And now we've reached that part of the day...

When I got back from the store I called her to see how her day was going. I could detect a bit of something there but the conversation was normal enough. We talked for a while until I needed to go make food and she needed to get ready for dance. From then until about 10, things were normal and frankly I was happy being alone (technically the kid was in the room but you know what I mean).

At 10 she called me. There was something in her voice. She seemed disconnected, out of it, not all there. She was still in the parking lot at the dance studio but wanted to talk. We talked for a few about nothing in particular and then she drove home. She called about 20 minutes later.

What followed was a half hour discussion about how she wants to hide, how she is feeling depressed, anxious, and all sorts of other fucked up feelings. Nothing towards me directly but I am part of the world from which she felt like hiding. There was nothing I could do to help her except listen. In the end I don't think it really helped. We talked for about a 1/2 hour and that was that. I am hoping today will improve her outlook and mood, but if she is anything like me (a cancer controlled by the water and the moon) I don't really expect to see much improvement unfortunately.

What really got me were the two texts I received some time after 11pm. Listen people, I work for a living unlike some of you and texting me stupid shit about 'the game' at late hours is unacceptable. I can't put my phone on silent, nor do I think I should have to do that. Just don't text me stupid crap in the middle of the night. Get a fucking life.

See? I am cranky today. Not good.

Y3 D187

Now that the issue is more or less resolved I can discuss our "fight". We left the show around 2:30 and she was pretty drunk. I didn't really realize at the time how drink she was as I expected her to keep herself in check. Yes, I expected. If she wants to be an adult, act like an adult. That goes for anyone. When we got home instead of stopping she kept drinking and realized she was drunk. That's when she found out what I did at the show. She blew up and over reacted. She was pissed off at me for giving her booze and not telling her. Well wait a minute. You can't tell you're getting MORE drunk? You can't tell when you taste it that it's mostly vodka?? Yes, I should have told you what was going on, but you should have been able to keep yourself in check. We fell asleep around 5:30 and back up at 9:30. The group of us sometime around 11 all went to taco bell for a mass post party feast. After that, my friend and I went Christmas shopping. I could tell all morning that TGF was still pissed, but I could also tell she wasn't pissed at me. I think in the light of day she realized she had as much responsibility and burden to bear for the actions of the previous night as I did. She left around 1 and went home to recuperate while I went shopping. My main goal was to find a Kinect which required going to three different Best Buy stores to be told all sold out at all of them. Supposedly the one by my house will get some in Tuesday. Fine.

While I was, I got a text from TGF apologizing for over reacting and that she wasn't mad at me but was mad at the situation. Perfect. There. Admittance on both sides. Done and done.

Here's what I managed to get yesterday:

Kid:
- mp3 player
- nirvana cd set
- smashing pumpkins dvd set
- fuzzy slippers
- fuzzy socks
- fuzzy pjs
- hello kitty headphones

TGF:
- mp3 players
- fuzzy slippers
- fuzzy socks
- fuzzy pjs
- panda hat

FOr TGF she is also getting a DVD she wants but I have to order it online. I think that's a pretty decent set of presents on both sides. Not too much, and not too extravagant either.

Came home, talked to TGF about things on the phone while wrapping presents. I made a turkey yesterday. 13 lb, 4 hours to cook. Came out really well actually. I now have 12 lbs of turkey left for the week. Gee, what a shock. Nice part is I won't need to buy food for a while. Soups, sandwiches, casseroles, etc. Good for a while.

Off to client hell. Here we go...

Y3 D186

Oh my. My head is doing a little dance right now...

Okay, let's see...

Spent the majority of the day in the house. It was quite enjoyable actually. I played quite a bit of Skyrim and really enjoyed not having to do anything or go anywhere. The kid had to go to with her grandfather to get her contacts and ended up feeling guilty so spent like 3 hours with them.

TGF came over around 4:30 and the three of us went to have indian food together. We found a new place walking distance from the house. The food was really good. I had a goat curry, TGF had chicken vindaloo,  and the kid had chicken kabobs. Yep, the three of us went to dinner together. We have all been getting along quite well lately.

She went off to work around 7 and we headed off to the show around 9:30. Four of us all went together and my friend drove since the kid took my car to work. It was nice because I didn't have to drive which meant I got to drink guilt free. That was my first mistake.

I decided at the show that I was going to do something nice and smart which ended up getting TGF and I into our first fight. I decided to have two rockstar cans. One with mostly vodka, the other with mostly rockstar. I gave the mostly rockstar one to our directors without telling them and gave the one with mostly vodka to TGF. Without telling her. She didn't realize she was pounding mostly vodka and that she was getting seriously fucked up. The show went mostly smooth luckily.

We had an after party at my place. There are still like six people sitting in front of me right now while I type this. But TGF was way gone and tried to go to bed and decided it was all my fault she couldn't sleep because I gave her too much booze. There's more to the story but I am just not in the mood to go into right now. Someone is on the phone asking if Taco Bell will deliver. Wow. This is a morning.

Okay. Enough. I will write more tomorrow.

Y3 D185

A great day yesterday. Woke up at 4:52am and realized that I didn't need to go anywhere. The best part though was we woke up embracing. Do you know how fucking hard it is to wake up actually holding someone else? We were intertwined like the octopus I tease the kid about being. Facing each other, arms around, legs wrapped. It was fucking cool. Then I fell back to sleep which was even better. I slept until 9:30. I got up and let her sleep for another hour or so. Once she was up we took a shower together, the first one we have been able to take together in months thanks to this stupid project I am on. After that CHRISTMAS ARRIVED! I took out the tree, some decorations, put up some random lights, and most important, found my santa hat. Oh yeah. Christmas is here bitches. Even better was while we were doing all this there was a knock on the door - UPS. Bringing one of the first presents. I had ordered an MP3 player off one of the survey sites and was originally going to give it to the kid but decided to get her a better one and will be giving this one to TGF. Not only is the tree up, but there is even one present under already - YAY! Happy boy.

We then went to the grocery store and home depot. I needed some CLR and we got her a stocking for Christmas too. This is the first holiday I have celebrated with someone in YEARS. How fucked up is that - YEARS. Meh, whatever, I am going to enjoy it. We picked up some salmon for dinner and came back home to relax.

After we got home my friend came over to say hi and we discussed how we feel about our director's drinking. We are very worried about her and are planning to take steps to help her. More to come on this as things progress.

Watched some Buffy, made dinner, and then she headed home around 8 to spend time with her mom. The kid worked from 5:30 until 11:30 and came home happy. She is really enjoying the new job. I am happy for her.

I played Skyrim until around midnight and then just woke up at 9:30. So far so good. Show tonight. Let's see how that is...

Y3 D184

My Thanksgiving started off pretty shitty but ended on a real high note. Made me very thankful before the day was out.

I did in fact go to work yesterday. I was in the office from 6:15 until about 11:30. Not a full day, but given that it was a holiday, that's long enough for me. I was able to get something done because no one was around to change the spec or bug the shit out of me. I was the only person in the office out of five buildings. Not another single car in the lot nor any security even. It was a little creepy. It's one thing when it's a small office and you pop in when no one else is there but it's completely different when it's an entire office building complex. Weird. I was able to play my music without headphones and just dive into work. Man I got so much done being alone. THIS is why I like working from home normally. I don't have to deal with any distractions. But the upside is I get the expenses for going to the office. If I keep going solid like I have been, I will end the year either clean to the company or just a little under - like $200-$300 which is nothing off of $2300 they advanced me.

Got home around 12:30 and the kid was already gone. I haven't seen her since Wednesday night. I then dove into cleaning the house. A true top to bottom everything gets bleached cleaning. TGF and I exchanged a couple of texts but no conversations until later. From about 12:30 to 4:30 I went balls out cleaning every part of the house, doing laundry, and organizing. She called around that time and we talked for a while. Her family were all coming around 5:30 so we had a little while to talk which gave me some time to relax.

Through out the day I got a few texts wishing me a good holiday and to some I responded back with the truth - that I had worked, would be all alone, and probably not eating anything traditional for dinner. To others, I simply said thank you. The one that got me the most was one of my friends wrote a book of thanks on Facebook where he called people out by name. The things he said about me made me tear up a little. I always said, one of the reasons I do this is if I can reach one person to show them live goes on and they are not alone then it is all worth. I believe I did that. Plus he has touched me and shown me his strength and that when I am down I have people who are right there. He's a good guy, a good friend, and a good human being.

I decided to head out to see what was open for dinner. I was a bit disappointed as I was hoping Chinese food would be available but they were surprisingly closed. I ended up at Jack In the Box. Yeah, I know, but nothing else was open. Or at least nothing I felt like getting. Some restaurants were open but having had dinner out on Thanksgiving before, I know from experience most do a fix prix for the night or were just too crowded. Jack it was.

Came home, had dinner, watched Angel (Doyle died!!), dyed my hair, bleached the bathroom, and sat down for some Skyrim. Around 8 one of my friends texted me wanting to see if I wanted company. I said sure, bring pie. Right after TGF texted saying her family all was gone and she could come over. Sweet! The alone day would turn into a good night. TGF came over and two of my friends. We had pie, some cocktails, and played Bananagrams. It was a wonderful way to end the day and for that, I am thankful.

TGF is still in bed, the kid is still gone, the house is quiet. This day is looking pretty fucking good.

Y3 D183

I wish I could say I was writing this from home, but I'm not. I am in the office right now typing away at 6:20am. I will explain more tomorrow.

Yesterday was rougher than I thought it was going to be. I kept acting like my brother wasn't bothering me but it was constantly lurking beneath the surface of everything I did and said. It was always there like an itch you can't quite reach.

Went into work and thought I was going to make some progress until they decided to change everything on me once more. I had explained to them that their initial design wasn't going to work and had asked last week for some specific changes to tighten things up. They were supposed to get them to me by Monday morning which turned into 11:30 Tuesday night. Fine. I come in yesterday and realize their changes are nowhere near what I asked for in terms of reducing the size of things and they go off to a room for two hours and come back with something even worse. This is the design I have to implement today. WTF?

I banged my head for 10 hours yesterday and got through about half of what they want. I *think* I can hit 75-80% of what they want within the limits of the tool, but we shall see if that is acceptable. I doubt it will be but whatever.

I also got a call from our sales guy yesterday. It looks like the minute this project rolls, I am off to New York to start a new one. The upside is I will be in New York for like 3 or 4 days for a kickoff only and then able to work out of the office in the city. Back to taking the train in the mornings which isn't bad. Much better than the commute I have right now.

Stopped at the store on the way home because I needed basic boring stuff like toilet paper, razors, etc. The store was surprisingly less crowded than I expected. I was in and out pretty quick. Got home around 6 and picked the kid up at work. She had her first full day at the new job and really enjoyed it. She is feeling much more comfortable with this one.

We got home and I made us some hamburgers and fries. A basic meal. We watched a Buffy and an X-Files. Yes, we finally got back into X-Files. Only 81 episodes to go. Jeez. My friend came over last night to grab cookies that I have made for today. I was supposed to be at their gathering tonight and had baked. Cest la vie. We talked for a little while and then I played Skyrim until TGF called around 10:30. We talked for about a half hour and then sleep. I went to bed normal because I have to treat today as 'normal' not only for my client but also for my sanity...

Y3 D182

In 13 hours it will be one year since my brother died. Fuck me.

Had an extremely stressful day at work yesterday which is not going to get any better today. So much in fact that I am thinking about working tomorrow too just to get ahead. This fucking place sucks. My mood sucks right now. I asked them to do something yesterday in order to reduce the complexity of their requests to able to deliver something that actually works and instead I get this mess that is more complicated than the original design. What the fuck people, are you that stupid? Apparently. The human brain's capacity for stupidity never ceases to amaze me.

Which really sucks because my day started with a text from TGF at 5:45. Her period hit and she was awake and she knew I would be too.

Got home and decided to cook a real dinner since I won't see either the kid or TGF tonight or tomorrow. The kid has her first full day at work today and TGF has dance. Then on Thursday they are both off doing their thing. TGF came over last night and we had cornish game hens, sauteed carrots, sliced tomatoes, and homemade mashed potatoes. We then relaxed and watch House followed by a 1/2 a Buffy and an Angel. We need to get back the X-Files at some point. Still have 100 episodes to go. For the benefit of TGF we discussed rewatching all of Twin Peaks. Not sure I can do it again, but what the hell. And these are the reasons why I am so close to canceling regular broadcast television. With the exception of:

- House
- Always Sunny
- Supernatural
- Big Bang Theory
- Simpsons/Family Guy/American Dad
- Bones

Um... that's about it? Oh and Runway. I don't watch much more than that. Are 8 shows worth $75 a month? That's almost $10 a show. I can get a whole season off one of my multiple devices cheaper than that. I need to pull the fucking plug but my mind is so warped that I can't do it. Ugh.

TGF took two midol prior to us starting to watch TV which sent her into the floopy zone by the time we went to bed around 11. I fell right asleep but she was wide awake. Around 12:30 she woke me up and we cuddled and just kind of held each other until she fell asleep around 1. I was right behind her. When the alarm when off this morning I didn't want to move. The kid is taking today off, TGF has no classes, there is no one here in the office... F. M. L.

Y3 D181

Yesterday ended up being all over the map. That headache I had just persisted all day as an underlying throb in my head. I took 500mg of Tylenol at some point and that helped, but it didn't get rid of it completely. I am wondering if it is partial eye strain. The doctor gave me new contacts but after checking them, she decided to order me the right eye in a slightly stronger script. So while I have contacts in right now, they are actually a little weaker in the right eye than she wanted which may be part of the strain. Also she showed me the difference with a +1 reading glass and I went from 20/25 to 20/20. This may all be self-inflicted. I will probably stop at Walgreens or some place to get some reading glasses for during the day to see if that helps. I have been fighting them forever but I can't take the headaches either.

Had a small battle with the client yesterday. I was on them last week to give me some direction regarding a particular issue and I kept getting pushed to the back burner. Yesterday morning I told them we had to deal with it otherwise their timeline was going to be impacted. That changed everything. Next thing you know I am in a two hour meeting and being blamed for not being done even though I have the email thread showing that I was asking for their direction last week. The one thing that pissed me off during that meeting was when the PM flat out said "Well it doesn't matter your schedule you will work around us". Excuse you? This is a holiday week. Which I probably won't get because she also made it clear that I am expected to be here Friday even if they are not. My bosses can kiss my ass. I will never work at this client again. And they seriously owe me for this shit. When this project is over I am going to be all over them for a recuperation weekend on the house.

Speaking of 'owing' the company, I did some math yesterday. The one upside to this project is that I am almost even on the expense advance I had to take. If I stay on this project through the end of the year, I will be only like $300 shy of what I owe them. This is a positive.

Got home after grabbing some groceries. TGF had dance and she called before she went off. She was having dinner with a friend after dance and she wanted to call before since she would be home late. She was being thoughtful because she knew if she called at 11 or later I would be asleep already but would try to wake up for her and then be grumpy. She is learning. Well done grasshopper.

Made pork chops for the kid and me. She had to watch a movie for her film class and then right a position on strong women in film. She chose to write about the end scene of Kill Bill 2. That's my girl.

While we were watching TV I got a text from T1. Her father passed away. I felt for her. She has been fighting this now for over a year I guess? How long ago did we date? Almost two years? Speaking of which, yesterday also marked the official two year mark of my divorce from X2 being final.

See? A major day without even being a major day.

And now on to Tuesday...

Y3 D180

I have a splitting headache this morning and I don't know why. I didn't drink yesterday or party crazily. Hell I didn't do much of anything to be honest. TGF got about 9:45 and I made her breakfast before she had to leave for dance. From there it was a slow day. I watched Supernatural with the kid, had a taco salad for lunch, took a 2 hour nap, and played Skyrim. That was my whole day. I left the house once to get the taco salad otherwise my world was my couch, my controller, and the cat. So why then do I feel like I have a jackhammer splitting my head open this morning? I was in bed by 11. I slept for the most part okay. Is it because I don't want to be here today? Is it because I need another 12 hours of sleep to catch up on the last year? Wouldn't that be nice? Take like the last two weeks of the year and sleep 20 hours a day to make up for all the lost sleep? TGF called about 7:30 and we talked for over two hours. Does she realize how major that is? I like you so much I will talk to you on the phone for more than 10 minutes about absolutely nothing in particular. God it hurts. Making my eyes water. I hope this isn't a migraine. This day can't end quick enough.

Y3 D179

The year is just about halfway over. The blog year, not the calendar year. We are closing in on things. Like tomorrow -- the 2 1/2 year mark, and the official 2 year mark. Amazing. Where the fuck have the last two and a half years gone? Older, wiser, whatever? And then next Thursday, one year of my brother. Damn.

It's raining. It's been raining. Rained most of yesterday. Rain rain go away, come again some other day...

After everyone left yesterday around 11, I cleaned house. Cleaned the rats, cleaned the floors, cleaned. Purge. Clean. Bleach.

Had an eye appointment at 3:30 that took forever. My eyes are good. Slight update to my prescription but nothing to cause any alarm or concern. It's all good. New contacts will be here in a couple of days. Kid went with me because the eye doctor is in the mall where her new job is and she needed her schedule. She is going to be working 5:30pm to 1:30am Black Friday and then from 7:00pm to Midnight on Saturday. Welcome to retail kid.

TGF came over around 5ish. Her and I went to the store and got food for all. I made steaks, salad, and mac & cheese. It was good. We then watched In Time the semi-new movie. I didn't like it. Too many holes. Too many questions, not enough back story, too weak all around. Then we watched a Buffy and went to bed.

I am a little off today. Not sure why yet. Will think about. I hear TGF waking up...

Y3 D178

And this is why I wasn't going to drink last night. I am awake for the second time. The first time was at 6:30 but my head was pounding so bad that all I could do was take four advil and go right back to sleep. At least I moved from the floor to the bed. Let's play back the day.

Went to work (and it's taking me a 1/2 to type this post because of how I am doing for the record...) and was able to get absolutely nothing accomplished because I needed the client to make decisions about important things and they pretty much ignored me. It was one of those kind of days where I did some half ass stuff but spent most of the day on facebook and tumblr. I left around 4 and headed home.

Got home around 5 and hung out with the kid until it was time to go to my director's anniversary party. I had already told TGF I was going to the party so she was hanging out with her friends last night. I think it's good we have a healthy relationship where we both are free to have our own friends and hang out with them without worrying about being jealous or paranoid.

My friend came over around six and we headed down to the bar. She is the one who was recently kicked off cast for being a bad influence on our director's son. This was going to be the first time she saw them since being kicked off cast which is why she wanted to show up with me. I was her safety net. I had planned on not drinking but...

For a gift I gave them the ultimate regift. On our tenth anniversary X2 gave me a silver frame engraved with "Happy tenth anniversary". Funny I had it sitting around without a picture in even when we were married. Foreshadow much? Anyway, I found it and wrapped it up for them. I gave it to them with the explanation that I wanted it to be with a couple who will not only enjoy being married for 10 years but who will have more to come. They liked it.

From there things start getting a little fuzzy. The booze was a flowing, the party was a rocking. People were coming and going for the next five hours. I never got so drunk that I blacked out or was stumbling, but there are parts of the evening that are seriously fuzzy. I do remember my director taking me into the bathroom and telling me how much he likes TGF and that he is working on his wife and that he wishes she would be nicer to TGF and that the friend I brought with me is "a dirty little whore".

(God it is taking forever to write today)

At that point I knew I had to keep him in the bathroom until he calmed down. Because right after saying that he took his glass and threw it against the wall breaking it. He is more pissed off that his kid is making some of the same mistakes he did when he was younger including that he is worried he is on some hard drugs, but it is easier to take it out on this girl. She isn't related to him and he can vent his anger that way without having to give up the idea his kid is in trouble. I calmed him down and we talked through everything and hopefully he is going to have a talk with his son today.

A little after we headed out which was around 11:30ish. It was decided that a bunch of people were coming back to my place for boardgames. Most of whom are still here in various locations on the floor. I was too drunk at that point to argue. I had about 10 here last night and five are left not counting the kid and KBF.

On the way home I vaguely remember getting food and rockstar. We then proceeded to party hard. There are multiple empty vodka bottles in the kitchen, Mike's hard bottles everywhere, and an empty rum bottle. I had rum? Around 2 the police came. Yep. It was that good of a party. Apparently they had multiple noise complaints. Nice. I don't know who called but let's see who gives me the dirty look today.

Somewhere around 3 we ended up in a pile. But it was at 4:45 that my friend went home because there was still too much noise going on. And then two hours later I awoke with a splitting skull.

Welcome to the weekend bitches.

Y3 D177

Nothing exciting to report I'm afraid. Another 11 hour day at work. I just want this project to be over with now. I am so tired of the drive, the people, the whole damn thing. Our boss sends us these little group emails thinking he is being funny but it's just fucking annoying. Go away. Roll me off please.

Came home and went to Starbucks because for once I was craving a frappuccino. Specifically a Captain Crunch one. Yes, they have a secret menu at Starbucks. Captain Crunch. Zebra. Red Tuxedo. London Fog. Many more. I also wanted Taco Bell. Deal.

Came back home with the kid and TGF and crashed out watching TV. Always Sunny followed by Bones followed by bed.

Seriously, that was my day yesterday. I am not complaining, but there was nothing exciting happening either. Oh, I did make an eye appointment for Saturday. Whoo?

Today will be more of the same probably. Although tonight I am supposed to go to my director's anniversary party. Let's see how tired I am.

Y3 D176

Another day another day. Although yesterday was just one of those I don't care days. I did finally walk out. Around 3:30 I realized I had enough, loaded up my stuff and said "I need to go". No explanation, no nothing just left. Now, to be fair I didn't in anyway leave work hanging, but I was also tired of last minute changes, verbal abuse, and a downright hostile environment. I have $20 that says when this bitch walks in 15 minutes from now, the first words out of her mouth will be 'is it done?'. And I plan to look at her and tell her if she says it again I am leaving and she can finish it herself.

Got home around 4:30 and just vegetated. Turned on Skyrim and played for about an hour. My friend came over at 5:30 and we went over to the mall for a little while. Mostly to see if we could see the kid working. She started her new job last night. Looks like her next shift will be Sunday. She also realized this means she will be working Black Friday. Poor kid.

She was having a rough day already. In the morning she accidentally paid for the wrong space at the train station and they refused to refund her the $2. Then her train was late. Then she failed a math test. That one bugged her the most. She said later in the night she has been surprised because in high school everything came easy and now she has to work at things. Welcome to college kiddo. She had her doctor appointment yesterday and got a prescription for birth control. Welcome to the real world too kiddo. All in all it was a big day for her with ups and downs.

Her and I stopped for a burger on the way home. She needed a break. We had burgers, milkshakes, and sweet potato fries. Like I say, she needed it. Because when we got home, she still had an essay to write. I played more Skyrim until about 10:20 when TGF called. We talked until 11 and then off to sleep. Didn't sleep well though. Tossed and turned for some reason. This morning I am a little groggy.

T-minus bitch and counting...

Y3 D175

So bloody tired. I just want to sleep past 5am. Is that so much to ask? Can this project please end some time soon? I am not even supposed to be here this week. I am supposed to be in a Kimball training class learning new skills not being beaten down for the same old shit. I also think I am finally starting to get sick. That or it's just the cold morning shit from riding in 45 degree weather. God I need a second car. I need to take care of either the kid's mercedes or sell the fucking thing. Maybe if I had some time to myself to think. Bah. Never mind.

Work. Work. Work. That sums up 10 hours of yesterday. Actually let's play that game for a second. Let's look at exactly 24 hours...

12am - 12:30am: end of sex, time to sleep
12:30am - 4:30am: sleep
4:30 - 5:45am: get ready for day, shower, iron, etc.
5:45 - 6:45am: ride motorcycle to client, freeze ass off
6:45am - 5:15pm: 10.5 hours at work
5:15pm - 6:30pm: ride home, almost die twice
6:30pm - 6:45pm: relax for 15 minutes
6:45pm - 7pm: go to store to get food to make kid & tgf dinner
7:00pm - 7:30pm: make dinner
7:30pm - 8:30pm: eat dinner, watch House from Monday
8:30pm - 9:30pm: try to watch a movie, fall asleep on couch missing most of movie
9:30pm - 10pm: check email one last time, make sure everything is put away, bathroom stuff, go to bed
10:pm - 11:15pm: sex <-- ain't giving that up!
11:15pm - 12am: sleep

There. There's 24 hours of my day. Nothing else. Not a whole lot of personal time eh? What, 2 hours? Out of 24. Bite me.

Y3 D174

Oh look, today is exactly the same as yesterday as it was before and before and before...

At least on the work front. Life itself continues to change and fuck with me, but on the work front it's the same. I hate this client. I truly and utterly hate them. I have never had such contempt and loathing for a company or the people working for it until now. I bet though if you go back and read this blog from the last time I was at this same client, it would read the same. Gee, everything is exactly the same...

Worked about 12 1/2 hours yesterday. The asshole here decided again to make changes to the DB which per him "oh these are minor changes". Yeah fuck you. 12 hours later. Dick wad.

Got home and decided this was going to be one of those nights where fuck it, I am an adult and I can eat what I want. I had a grilled cheese sandwich followed by a bowl of vanilla ice cream with crushed oreos on top. BAMF.

The kid was home. She finally dealt with her mother. X1 was bugging me in the morning again. First she comments on a picture I posted on facebook - 'she has time to go out for chinese food but not call her mother?'. When did you become jewish woman? Then she texts me. Then she calls and leaves another rambling voice mail. That's when I told the kid to deal with it. I was tired of it. They talked and it turns out that part of the conversation was X1's relief that the kid wasn't a lesbian. Huh? You see because the kid wasn't a slut like her mother in high school, and (and this is a direct quote kids...) 'you were so into gay rights and things' that of course she must be a lesbian. Dumbass. Then of course she had to dump on the poor kid everything she feels about TGF. She's a gold digging alcoholic manipulating teeny bopper according to X1. Um. Yeah. You've never said a word to this girl, you've met her for three seconds through a car window, and yet you have come to all these conclusions. Wow. Amazing talents you have.

We talked about everything and she is glad to be done with it. She starts a new job tomorrow finally. She got a seasonal position at the mall at American Eagle. It doesn't pay much, but it's close, it's a job, and she did it all on her own. I am proud of her. She is excited to work again and is also proud she was able to get a job before her mother. Yeah bitches.

We watched some bad TV while I waited for TGF to call. She called around 10:45 and we talked until midnight. We got everything out in the open about that random text message from the night before. I explained to her that it wasn't her I was mad at, it was the guy. It's one thing to make a drunken pass at a friend at a party where everyone can laugh about it the next day. It's another to have a fucking agenda. If I ever meet you dude, you're a dead man. Or at least a very very scared man. Just ask KBF.

Fell asleep around 12:30 and rinse, repeat...

Y3 D173

I think I used to have a voice, but now I never make a sound... Every day is exactly the same...


I don't know. I don't feel like talking today. A major contrast to yesterday's verbosity. The day was not anything worth talking about. Left to go to the prop clean up in the morning. Was at the gas station putting Every day is exactly the same gas in the van for what hopefully will be the last time when I saw a fire engine go down my street lights a blaring. No big deal. ThEvery day is exactly the sameen another one. Followed by a smaller one. Followed by two cop cars. Followed by another big one. Okay, now I am curious/worried. shoot me I decided to head back towards the house to see what is going on. Turns out the main office building at my complex is on fire. Roof fire. Yes, the roof is on fire. Watched for a while to make sure everything was good and then headed out to the prop clean up. Spent about four hours going through all the props and cleaning things up. Did manage to get a couple of props rebuilt. More importantly I had access to a dumpstEvery day is exactly the sameer and was able to clean the van really well. Then I took the van to its new home. Felt kind of sad but I knew it was the right thing. The guy who's taking it needs it and it's staying with 'family'. 

After thEvery day is exactly the sameat came home and TGF texted me. She was able to come over and go to chinese food. We had planned on doing chinese food with a friend (me and the kid) and TGF didn't know if she was going to be able to join us but she did. When she got thei am so goddam tiredre I was playing Skyrim. She actually started making comments about the game and helping me which was cool. Not always you get a girlfriend who doesn't mind video games. Around 5:30 we headed out to the restaurant. Dinner was fun. The four of us had a good tiEvery day is exactly the sameme. It was over priced for what it was, but it was definitely a nice chinese place. We had four different dishes and desserts and it was a nice leisurely dinner.

Got back home and played some more Skyrim. Again it was okay with TGF because she actually likes games like this. She played throueverything hurts insidegh one of them herself. Heck we are even thinking about starting back up with WoW. Her, me, the kid, and two of our friends. Instant guild, instant leveling buddies. I haven't made a decision on that one yet.

Around 10:40 we went to bed and her horniness kicked in once more. I know I shouldn't bitch about having sex, but man I Every day is exactly the same need sleep on occasion you know? Upside? I seemed to have stimulated her cycle. One more month of no pregnancies. Yes we use condoms all the time but reality is condoms are 97% effective. We are getting close if not already past having sex 100 times so when she menstruates a little part of me does the happy dance.

EverEvery day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the sameything was fine after until about 12:45. We had just fallen asleep when I was awoken by a phone super bright with a text message. I thought it was mine so I reached over and grabbed it. Hers. With a message from this guy that said 'this may sound weird but if it doesn't work out with the bf, hit me up'. Huh? Fuck you douche bag. What kind of text is that to be sending. I woke up TGF and asked her what itEvery day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the same was about and what kind of friend was this sending bullshit messages like that. She apologized for him and told me he had just broken up with his girlfriend and was in puppy dog mode. Whatever. Still kind of bugged me. Still does.

I guess I had more to say than I thought. Whatever. You know why? Because:
Every day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the same

Y3 D172

I am a little off this morning. I feel like something is out of sorts. I don't like feeling this way. I think I know why and it's not very much fun. We had a great DAY yesterday that ended up kind of flat at night. I think the exhaustion of sickness and lack of sleep and spending too much time together lately hit both of us. Not to mention we were at a wedding most of the day which I know got both of us thinking about things we probably shouldn't have thought about.

Let's start at the beginning. I got about up 7:30 and started getting ready for the wedding. I had massive amount of ironing to be done and it took me almost 45 minutes to get it all done. By the time I was done ironing and showering it was 8:45. I got her up and amazingly enough she was ready to go by 9:20. I do have to admit she is fantastic at getting herself ready in the morning. But I already could tell she wasn't happy about getting up early yet again. Early for her at least. Hell, it's 8 already as I type this and I feel like I have wasted part of my morning. Not to mention when you added it up neither of us slept very well the night before despite fantastic sex. Our sleep patterns were just so off Friday night and she was coughing like crazy.

We left the house at 9:20 as planned and things were fine. We got to public transportation, got into the city, and stopped at Starbucks for tea, cider, and a maple scone. We both looked great which of course is no shock, right? I always look good no matter how I am feeling on the inside. While we were on the train, I got a call from X1. Since I was the on train I let it go to voicemail. She sounded super depressed and that she wanted to talk to me. I texted her telling her I was on my way to a wedding and would talk later. She responded that was okay and she was upset that the kid didn't tell her she was going camping and how sad she was about some other stuff. Whatever? I texted the kid just to warn her that her mother was on the rampage again. Surprisingly she texted me back. Turns out they were already on their way home because of weather. She was going to be home before I was even back from the wedding. Okay. Threw my plans for the night off, but okay.

We get to the wedding and it was incredible. My friends had rented out all of city hall. There were maybe 125-150 people there and it was beautiful. It was an incredible blend of Indian culture and traditions with a standard American wedding. I was blown away by how tight, quick, and organized the entire thing was given the locale. It was just a great ceremony. During it TGF was starting to feel her cough coming on which was starting to make her cranky. She just wants this cold to go away and it is frustrating her.

They had chartered buses to take us from the ceremony to the restaurant about a mile away. The luncheon was also fantastic. Piles of authentic Indian food with dancing and music. There was a semi-open bar; beer and wine included. I had maybe a glass and a half of wine. I knew I had to get back on public trans and didn't want to be out of it. Somewhere during all this we talked about the evening plans and TGF decided she was going to head home because she was craving some alone time. I totally understood where she was coming from on this. I told her I was happy with that because I wanted to go buy Skyrim and veg out to video games myself. Not that I didn't love her, but just wanted to decompress after a long week. Totally on the same page. Awesome.

We left the wedding and headed back home. On the way home I could tell she was either getting tired, or out of it, or something. I actually started to drift off on the train myself. Understand there was never anything wrong between us nor were we upset with each other. I think we just were both feeling that need inside to go inside our crab shells for a while.

We stopped at Best Buy on the way home and I got Skyrim. Plans so far in tact. I did ask her again if she wanted to stay instead of going home. She said no she needed some down time. Okay. Still in agreement. I did jokingly say - alright but don't call me at 11 saying you're bored and want to talk for two hours. Uh-oh. Foreshadow much?

We got home and the kid and KBF were crashed on the couch. We heard there whole story which was a really shitty weekend essentially. Snow and rain and the holiday made for a mess for them. They weren't doing too well. TGF went home shortly thereafter and I settled in for some TV/Movie time. We watched some stuff together and at one point X1 called back. I missed the call but played the 2 minute vm for everyone. Seems she is upset that the kid may be banging and didn't tell her. She is upset about the fact that the kid has friends other than her to discuss things with regarding sex. Really? Even the kid's sex life has to be about you?? You are just annoying.

And guess what happens at 10:30? Text from TGF - "boooooored". No, what a shock. We were in the middle of a movie and I called her when it was over. For some reason and she doesn't know why, she was in a pissy mood and wanted me to just try and guess to see if we could figure it out. That didn't work. We talked for a while and I started to drift off which just made her more angry. Around midnight I hear - "just go to sleep. I will talk to you later." And she hangs up. I was already asleep. Why do you think I hadn't said anything for five minutes? Seriously.

And there ya go. I don't know what kind of mood she is in. If she figured out what was pissing her off, etc. I do know she has dance in 2 hours which will make her cranky yet again because she had to get up on a Sunday. The girl needs to take a whole day off and just sleep to get her rhythm back. It will help us both. I honestly could use a break from her and everyone else today. I have to go to a prop clean up session this morning and then get rid of the van finally. This is going to be a whoop dee doo kind of day, I can tell.

Y3 D171

As I was leaving yesterday I went and kissed TGF goodbye and just as I was out the bedroom door I hear 'I love you'. Made my entire morning. She is not a huge displayer of public affection like that and it was just so random and heartfelt that it made me giddy. I was walking on air the entire drive into work. Work was pretty anti-climatic to be honest with you. Nothing really major. At this point things are getting into a pattern - do work, get yelled at because work isn't done, keep working. Only thing of interest was I did hear from my accountant. He had me fax over the IRS stuff and I am waiting to hear back. Another friend who is an accountant told me I might still have to pay on any forgiven debt but not the whole amount. I still don't understand that. It would force me to file bankruptcy. I really would have no choice. Left around 5 and headed home.

Since TGF had dance she was coming back over later. I went to the mall with one of my friends to get a gift for a wedding we have to attend today. Plus I needed to go grocery shopping. Just as we were getting home TGF called to tell me dance was cancelled and she was on her way over. When she got there I made mac & cheese and enchiladas. Not too bad. Chicken enchiladas last minute and they came out pretty good. We all sat around having some vodka rockstar with our food watching Buffy and Angel. TGF is still sick and she has been coughing like crazy. We went to bed around 10:30 and surprisingly had sex. I was not expecting that given how sick she was. We went at it for an hour or so and then I fell asleep. About 90 minutes later she is waking me up saying that she can't sleep. She has been awake the whole time. Seriously? Sigh okay. We went at it for another 2 hours and this time I knocked her out. Unfortunately I was awake for another hour. I got up and wandered around the house for a little while. Finally went back to bed around 3 and slept for about 4.5 hours.

Today we are leaving in an hour or so for a wedding. This is the first time some folks will have met TGF. This will be interesting.

Y3 D170

INTERESTING day yesterday. Seriously. For the most part the morning was going fine. It all started to get odd around noon. First up was my underage friend who was at the show last saturday sending me messages on Facebook. When I saw her at the show on Saturday I immediately recognized her and vice versa. She grabbed me and gave me a hug that was very inappropriate. Not saying I didn't like it, but... This girl is underage AND I have a girlfriend - who yes is also young so don't worry the irony is not lost on me. She was asking me yesterday through IM if I caught the 'secret messages' she was sending me during the show. Um... no? She said 'you were looking right at me at one point and I was sucking my fingers for you' followed by 'and then I blew you a kiss'. Oh dear god someone shoot me. This girl is hot by the way. Will not deny. But jeez man.

Around 1 the work fun started. My colleague came into my office and said 'so the client likes the work you have been doing'. Ok. Good? 'Yeah so much they want you to stay on for two more weeks.' Fuck. Really? Ugh. Fine. At least it will guarantee I am booked almost to the end of the year. Whatever. But then it gets worse. My other colleague comes in and says 'hey man some stuff in your model is not working'. Um... Just then the tech lead on the client pops in (insert indian accent here) 'Oh yeah I forgot to tell you, I made a bunch of changes to the database this morning. Name and column changes' WHAT?? YOU FUCKER. YOU CANNOT MAKE CHANGES TO THIS SHIT. THE DATABASE IS FROZEN ASSHOLE. Of course I didn't say it quite like that out loud but I did make it clear this was not acceptable. I spent the next four hours having to change my model to match and find all his changes. Asshat.

Left the office in a shit mood and dealt with really bad traffic. Hey assholes? Don't try to squish the motorcycle okay? It is more difficult for me to maintain my bike at low speeds which is why we lane split when you are doing 5 miles an hour. It's not because we are jerks. It's because it is MORE dangerous for us to act like a car in these situations. So please don't move over so I can't fit because you're pissed off at sitting in traffic. I almost was crushed last night on the bridge. Took me an hour and fifteen to get home.

Got home and the kid was just leaving for her three day camping excursion with KBF. You all have fun in the woods. Don't get any ticks in strange places. TGF and my other friend came over and we went over to the mall to find TGF something to wear for a wedding on Saturday. She loathes shopping which was fun for me and my friend. We had her trying on multiple outfits. Finally settled on a black dress with dotted tights. She is going to look good this weekend.

Came back home, had pizza and vodka while watching always sunny. Hit bed around midnight. Given all that I am not doing bad today. YG (young girl, that's her new name) has been IM'ing me already this morning. Just wait until you hear tomorrow...

Y3 D169

It's 7:30 and I just realized I hadn't posted yet. I have been in the office since 6:40 and was heads down for the last hour trying to get shit done.

Yesterday I finally got some good news. Since I am the only one on this project amongst my colleagues who has shown any progress, I get to be the first one to roll off if I stick with the plan. If things go according to plan, I should be out of here the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Then I wil be free and done from this place. Oh praise be to the gods. All I have to do is knuckle down and make sure my last set of tasks stay on track. I am hoping to get through a good 40-50% today to be honest. That way I can either roll off early or try to help the other guys stay on track. Worked another 11 hours and headed home.

TGF had dance but was feeling horrible all day long. When she finally called me at 10:45 she sounded like a truck had run her over. I didn't even need to see her to know she wasn't feeling well. It was so obvious not only in her voice, but in her crankiness, her whining, etc. I am not knocking her for these things by the way. I understand completely it's because she is sick. She kept apologizing and I kept telling her to not worry about it because it isn't personal.

The kid and I watched a little TV and had soup and chicken for dinner. We both were kind of out of it and it was so late by the time we got done eating that we went off to bed around 9. I got in almost 2 hours of sleep before TGF called.

As long as I am on this project, for the most part my updates are boring. There is nothing going on with cast that's worth discussing. We got a new truck which is complete and utter bullshit but I don't feel like going into it. I will say I am thinking about quitting for real this time. There are some things happening behind the scenes that most people don't know about that are causing me to want to walk. I joined cast to get a new circle of friends, figure out if I am sane, and have something to do on a Saturday night. Goals accomplished. So maybe it is time to leave?

Y3 D168

This is weird - using the new interface for blogger. I have been avoiding it for some reason and now I think I see why. Things are in odd places. First world white boy problems...

Yesterday was okay at work. I was able to ride on my previous success from Monday. It was like I had immunity on a tv show. I was immune from the yelling and tongue lashings my colleagues and even my boss had to suffer through yesterday. I also was able to finish the day by successfully completing another major task which should protect me today too. Pretty sad I have to think of work in these respects but it is what it is. Do you realize in a little over two weeks it will be the anniversary of my brother's death? Can you believe it's been a year and not much has really changed for me has it? I have TGF now but otherwise things are pretty much exactly the same. Is this good or bad? I don't know. I do know there are some big differences like TGF and the kid living with me. But overall I am still spinning my wheels. Sigh.

Got home and TGF came over. She is sicker than a dog and I was losing my patience at playing nurse maid. Not because I didn't want to take care of her but because I felt like I worked all day and between her and the kid I didn't get a moment to rest for myself. I come in the house and by the time I have my gear off -- tangent; I bought new gloves at lunch yesterday. I couldn't feel my fingers any more while riding and luckily there's a cycle gear near the office. I was able to pick up a pair of winter gloves regularly $50 down to $25. Nice. Anyway, I had just stripped down when TGF arrived. She was hungry and sick, the kid was hungry... fine I take care of everybody but me. Argh. I did it but I could feel inside I was getting punchy. Finally around 9 I relaxed a little. We watched some bad TV and then I made her take Nyquil and go to bed. She was horny as usual and I told her flat out no. You need sleep. Sleep now.

In between all this I was dealing with some cast bullshit. Seems we bought a new prop truck without discussing it with the head of tech. Whatever. I am honestly considering quitting in January. It served its purpose - it made me new friends, got me out of the house, opened me up to new things, etc. But I have a job already and I don't need to be stressed out 24 hours a day.

Tonight TGF has dance and I am going to take a bath and sleep. The kid has a second round interview at American Eagle today at 4. Let's see how that goes.

Y3 D167

Score one for the Rockstar bitches. After frustration after frustration with this client I finally got one in the bag. I as the client put it earned a 'get out of jail free' card. When I got in, I was already stressed because I knew I would have to present and I had a few things left on my open issues spreadsheet that were looking challenging. The good news is that after a weekend away from them, the challenge level diminished as I got into the details. We were scheduled to start presenting our different pieces at 1pm until we were done. There were three other colleagues presenting their parts before me. I worked my ass off so when I walked in, my confidence level was high. My colleagues had been raked over the coals for almost three hours by the time my turn came around. I was called in around 4:45 and we started going through my 88 line checklist. Roughly 40 something minutes later I had just a couple of aesthetic issues left (2 of which I fixed right then and there) and 2 code issues which I am taking care of this morning. Otherwise BAMF. Shit was done and ready. Got the client calmed down and scored one for the team. Oh yeah.

I still ended up working an 11 hour day but at least I accomplished something.

TGF had dance last night and stayed at her place. I got home around 6 something, almost 7 and had some dinner with the kid, watched bad TV until about 9 and then went to bed. I figured I would sleep for an hour or so before TGF called after dance. She called at 10:40 and I was so out of it we had a five minute conversation. I slept solid the rest of the night. Woke up this morning feeling mostly refreshed for once.

I have to get through these other two issues this morning but feel good about them. I know yesterday's victory was just that - yesterday but I am feeling good today.

Y3 D166

It was an interesting day yesterday. I waited until TGF left before I posted but I have to include what happened since it was part of yesterday. She was feeling sick in the morning and had to go to a dance rehearsal. I had and still have a sore throat which made me cranky too. Both of us were cranky as hell, she was in a lousy mood because she had to get up early to go to dance. The end result though? We didn't get mad at each other. That was the nice thing. We both realized why we were cranky and that it had nothing to do with the other person. Instead of letting the cranky turn into an argument we bonded in it instead. This is important because it came back again later in the night.

The kid spent the night at KBF's house and after TGF left I had the house all to myself. It was interesting. I was alone like in the old days (anything before June...) and it was comforting for once instead of oppressive. A year ago I would have been stressed out to have been by myself like that and would have felt sorry for myself. Instead I enjoyed the solitude. I did some stuff on the computer I have been putting off, took a nap, cleaned the house a little, and made corn muffins.

TGF called around 3:30 and was still feeling awful. We talked for a little while and then she went off to rest. She didn't want to come back over because she hadn't been home in four days and was getting shit from her mother about it. I understand that. The kid finally came home around 6ish and I made us dinner. We watched an Angel and then she went off to bed at 8:30. I called TGF back and we talked until about 10. The point from before is she was still cranky and I was getting worse too. We started to border on an argument on the phone because she kept putting me on speakerphone and all I could her was rustling from her blanket. We wanted to talk to each other but she didn't want to hold the phone and I didn't want to hear noise. Again though, instead of letting it blow up, we both took a moment and realized why we were so bitchy. We worked through it and ended the call happy with each other. That was nice. It was nice to work through things and not end it being mad especially when we knew we weren't mad at each other just the situation.

I still feel like shit this morning. My throat is killing me and I am sneezing. Blah. I have to deal with work yet again this week and there's no room for being sick. Fuck. Blah. Bleh. Hopefully this will pass at some point today.

Y3 D165

Good morning sunshine. Goddamn I love when the time rolls back an hour. I was thinking last night that I bet if I go back and read the entry from one year ago it will sound pretty similar to what I am going to say today. It was a damn good show last night. It was the cast birthday show and everyone was drinking and partying. For some reason when we have crappy weather people come out. Our last show at this theater we had like 50 people max. Last night? 250. Fuck yeah. Plus we all stood up and took a bow for the audience to celebrate the cast birthday which was fun. We as a team did a great job last night. We hit our marks, nothing was missed and it was just on.

During the day I didn't do much of anything. Hung out, watched a little TV cleaned up from the party, and basically relaxed. I was getting cranky around 7:30 or so because I didn't want to go to the bar before the show last night. I actually didn't drink and was probably one of the rare few who was sober all night. But I was cranky and tired and by 9 I was starting to get in a pissy mood. Luckily TGF was there and helped keep me cool.

If there is one difference between this post and last year's it's that - TGF. I was in a worse spot relationship wise this time last year. Psychobitch and I had ended things, I was not seeing anything real on the horizon, etc. I did take a chance last on something. I drove the van and TGF went with me. No hiding, no pretending. We showed up together. We didn't flaunt anything or be in anyone's face, but screw it. She is my girlfriend and that's that. No one really noticed especially my director who was too drunk to notice. Her and her husband had their own drama at the end of the show which was interesting but nothing out of the ordinary. Same jealous shit we have all seen before. I used to be a jealous and I can sometimes understand where her husband is coming from, but in my case it was because X1 really was a lying cheating whore. My director loves her husband so much and vice versa. The two of them amuse me sometimes with how blind they are how they let their jealousy get in the way of things. And the drinking doesn't help. It just makes all their insecurities rise to the surface. I know it's a bit of pot calling kettle black, but look at the difference here - they drink every single day and to excess. I am down to the point where once a week and even then I am still functional. Even Friday night I never blacked out or forgot anything that happened. I have sort of stopped worrying about things that get said to me at shows about TGF or whatever because I know that the next day they won't remember a good portion of what was said.

Regardless, TGF helped us all clean up after the show and our cast advisor who is the biggest sweetheart in the world, went right up to her personally and thanked her for helping out. Made TGF feel really special and accepted. I owe our advisor for that. In two minutes of kind words, she helped erase some of the 4 months of shit TGF has received from the directors.

We went for pie with a couple of folks afterwards and it was really nice. Just five of us and we all had a relaxing time. No craziness. In bed and home around 3:30. Thank goodness for that extra hour.

Today TGF had dance again so she is gone already. Me? Nothing baby. Just gonna take it slow...

Y3 D164

I'm getting there, I'm getting there. It was a LONG Friday night...

Okay let's see...

The day started with a three hour meeting to discuss how we are going to slip the project at least two weeks. Gee that was fun. In the end it turned out we need to make a back end architectural change which adds a total of six weeks to the project. The upside is I won't have to work any insane 15 hour  days or stay in a hotel. The downside is I will be on this project thanks to the holidays until probably February. At least I will continue to rack up expenses and get back in the positive. That is nice. I ended up working only 10 hours yesterday because at one point I took the ladies on this project and was a bit of a player with them. It's weird; normally I am the one on a project who is the outcast and taken with a grain of salt. But on this one the two women are like that kind of woman I would have found at the wine bar I used to go. Hence I know how to smile and talk to them to make things better. They were royally pissed about the project slippage but yelled at the guy who normally is loved by clients and told me to enjoy my weekend and leave early. Nice.

Got home around six. Stopped at BevMo for 2 cases of Mike's hard lemonade and a big ass bottle of vodka for me. Yes, I had a game night party. Good turnout this time. Had about 14 people total. 6 passed out on the floor when I went to bed. We played Zombies, Dirty Minds, Bananagrams, and a board game from 1969 called Bottoms-Up made by Colt-45. One of the guys brought it. A complete game too. It was one of those dumb drinking games from that time period. Some of the material is SO late 60s and early 70s. It was kind of odd that I was the only one in the room older than the game. Plus the fact that I was the only one who had any clue on some of the questions about actors, movies, etc from that era. We had bowls of candy, cookie dough ice cream, way too much booze, a lot of pot, and all in all a great time. TGF passed out around 1 because she needed to get up this morning for dance. The octopus went to bed around 2. They are so having sex. They have to be at this point. Otherwise that poor boy's head is going to explode. After settling everyone in for the night I ended up in bed around 3. Pretty much passed out straight away. I was pretty drunk last night, but not like bad drunk. Just a good solid feel from about 8pm until 3am. Damn a 7 hour binge. Nice.

Now I get to clean the house before tonight's show. Do it aaaaaaalllll again....

Y3 D163

Seriously I am going to cut a bitch around here. Think I am exaggerating? I'm not. Watch your news for crazy guy goes on knife wielding rampage in office complex. Stabs multiple bitches. I spent a half hour yesterday trying to explain why I can't get rid of an orange line under a prompt without also getting rid of the asterisk because it's a mandatory field. I shit you not. 30 minutes of my life I will never get back. Nor can I change the color of the orange line. Deal with it and stop wasting my life. My colleagues and I tried unsuccessfully yesterday to communicate to our boss that we are all ready to walk off this project. That they can stick it up their ass. His response? They're a half million dollar client, do what they want. Um fuck you very much? Was here 12 hours yesterday. If I were a contractor or if I got a bonus based on hourly work, I would be excited, still frustrated, but excited. But oh wait, I am straight salary. I don't get anything different if I work 8, 10, or 16 hours. So bite me, kiss my ass, and all that good stuff. F.U.C.K. Y.O.U. Thank the gods I have this blog where I can vent to my heart's content so when the client comes in I can smile and play nice.

Got home around 730 and TGF was waiting for me. Best part of my goddamn day. She texted me earlier asking if she should come over because I am so stressed with work. I told her that she would be not only welcomed and wanted, but needed. I needed some TLC after a day like that. She understood completely and just was there. That was nice. She didn't pressure me to do anything or go anywhere, just be on the couch. We ate some leftovers together, watched Buffy and Angel (SPIKE EPISODES! YAY SPIKE!), then went to bed. It was in bed where something funny happened....

She meant it as a sweet gesture but I was laughing so hard...

We did our usual dance of 'we're going to sleep right? oh yeah, just sleep. Okay. But we're naked and you're leg is and oh that's there and hey oh yeah...'. What? She sleeps naked, I sleep naked and well naked bodies next to each other and such...

An hour or so later we were snuggling and she pats me on the head and says 'That was some great sex'. TOTALLY hilarious. Gee, did I do good? I counted at least three orgasms she had so yeah, I do good. And yes, I am old and can usually tell the difference when a woman fakes it or not. Usually. I am not perfect, but I have learned certain things. She isn't a porn star trained in how to fake it so there are things I can detect. Honestly I am batting about 600, maybe 650 with her. I am a guy, I can't always make her happy just because. I try like a sumbitch but hey it's life. Anyway. Thorg do good. Thorg make girl happy. Ugh. She got all embarrassed about me laughing which resulted in a fun session of cuddling, laughing, and smiling as we really did fall asleep. Goddamn this girl makes me happy. Gives me a good sense of contentment without boredom. Closeness without smothering. Freedom without jealousy. If that's not love, I don't know what is...

Back in the office and on a short leash temper wise today. Cross me babies, I dare ya. Having a game night at the house tonight. Looking forward to that. Tomorrow's post should be interesting...

Y3 D162

Someone here is going to die. I spent an hour yesterday getting yelled at by the client because at 11-12 hours a day 'we're not working enough'. Forget about the fact that I also have 2 hours of commuting a day and it's really 14 hours a day I am giving this place. Seriously, they want us to work this weekend and spend next week in a hotel around the corner so we can give them 14-15 hour days in the office. Fuck. You. What really happens if this project slips? Does someone die? Does the world come to an end? Honestly is there someone on life support right now sitting in a hospital going 'If only I can hang on until I see the revenue scorecard report!'. Um, no. Fuck. You. If I get the same disrespect and attitude today, I am calling my bosses and telling them to pull me from this project consequences be dammed. People should not have to be treated this way or expected to give up their lives for something that really doesn't fucking matter. ESPECIALLY when the client won't make any condescensions in allowing us to work remotely. They have a fucking office WALKING distance from my house but they won't let me work there. I would HAPPILY give you 12+ hours a day in that office because then I could still have a life and get some fucking sleep.

Got home and grabbed chicken for me and the kid. I was way too tired to even think about cooking. We sat around watching an episode of Buffy. She got a phone call from one of the stores she applied at recently. She has an interview tonight. TGF had dance last night and called me around 10:40. I was real snappy and bitchy with her. I hope she understands. I love her, but right now I can't stay up until 11:30 or 12 just to talk to her on the phone. She can sleep in the mornings, I can't. I was up at 4:30 this morning just to get in here by 6:30. We talked for about 10-15 minutes because I just wasn't awake enough. I had gone to bed at 9:30 and was in that I just fell asleep mode where I was half paying attention and just being grouchy. Let's see today how she handled it.

That's my day -- 14 out 24 hours given to a client, 5 spent sleeping if I am lucky, the few remaining going to taking care of things around the house, TGF, and the kid. F.M.L.

Y3 D161

I got a new toy yesterday and the best part was I didn't have to pay for it. I got a present from my cast department co-head. He originally had gotten me a Kinect through his stepdad who works at Microsoft for my birthday. The problem was it was on back order for employees and July rolled into August which rolled into September. Then he started having problems with his stepdad and didn't think he was ever going to get it. Given that and the drama he has caused me the last few days with his decision to leave cast, he got me something else I had mentioned to him - a Google TV. Yes, I know you're all wondering why the hell would I want something like that. If you follow tech news, you will know that GTV has been given a major overhaul and is supposedly finally ready for prime time. The update has started rolling out this week but I don't the exact date of when my hardware will get the update. He came over last night to bring me the prop van and this present. We talked about his decision to leave and everything else going on in his life. I told him I support his decision and am here to help him in anyway he needs it. Just because he won't be at shows, doesn't stop me from being his friend. Just the opposite. He needs as much support as he can find right now and I will do what I can.

Got it hooked up around 9 and then me, him, TGF, and the kid sat back and relaxed while watching Buffy and Angel. Yes, we made it to Season 4 of Buffy which means it's time to watch Angel - one episode of Buffy then one episode of Buffy. Repeat 200 times. My friend took off around 10:30 and the kid went off to bed. I wanted to keep playing with the GTV and TGF was cozy on the couch. We went to bed around 12 and actually slept. Technically she went to bed around 11 which is why I think we actually slept. By the time I got into bed she was already zonked out.

Work was okay yesterday. This client is driving me insane. It's one of the reasons I have problems working sometimes with women. They get too emotional and touchy feely about technical issues. I also hate working with Indian assholes who think they know everything. That's a side note about this project that is driving me nuts -- the tech guy on the project hates the fact that outsiders are doing his team's work and he has them doing the same work behind our backs as a skunk project. Whatever dumbass. We still get paid so have fun with that. It does mean he is challenging every technical decision I make because his guys do it differently. Not a matter of right or wrong even, just differently and he has to act superior - 'oh but couldn't you do it this way' is his favorite meeting comment. And we do have meetings and meetings and meetings. They are a scrum based methodology and every ten fucking minutes we need to give updates. Throws me off completely.

But there's only a few more weeks and soon I will get four days at a training class where I can sleep. Just need to get through this week.

Y3 D160

I realized yesterday I forgot something I thought I would always remember. I thought it would be etched in my brain until I died. It was 10/25/08 when I had that night of magic with X2. We had an incredible time in West Hollywood at a private party in the hills followed by dinner downtown that was perfect. I thought it was the pinnacle of things that night.

Now three years later and I forgot it completely. Interesting. Good? Yeah. I think so.

I finally got something accomplished at work yesterday. Made it through one of the reports that was giving me challenge and made it 80% through a second one. I should be able to knock that second one out this morning. I was there for 11.5 hours but at least I got something done finally. Yay me.

Got home around 7 and TGF came over. The kid and KBF went off to the Halloween party at our director's house. I just didn't feel up to going. I was too damn tired. We went to Chipotle for some dinner, Best Buy to get her a phone case, and then stayed on the couch the rest of the night watching bad tv. Heck, I even fell asleep at one point while were watching House. We were both tired. Yet somehow when we went to bed at around 10:45 we still managed to have sex. Go figure. Oh not complaining, just amazed. I remember many a night when 'I am tired' meant just that and wild horses wouldn't change things. Now, it takes two seconds for me to go from tired to ready to go. Amazing the difference the right person makes.

Some notes about yesterday - my co-head who quit on me Saturday promised all day he would call and didn't. He even sent texts that he was going to call 'soon'. Then I learned he was at the party last night officially saying goodbye. What the fuck? I am going over to his house tonight or tomorrow just to corner him down and get some answers.

I also wasn't really missed at the party last night. Whatever.

Off to work.