Y3 D189

I still don't know what is wrong with TGF. Neither does she and that's the problem. She is just in an anti-social mood according to her. Sometimes I am just a pure "guy". I want to FIX things. If there is a problem, identify it, figure out how to fix it, fix it. Move on. Done. Yet at the same time I know I am one to talk when it comes to just being in a shitty leave me alone kind of mood. I have definitely been down the spiral one too many times myself to be critical of her.

Day started out okay. Went to work, got some direction on what I am doing here. Also I got the final word that on the 11th I am off to NY. Technically I will be in NJ but it's right on the other side of the Holland Tunnel which is a quick train ride into Manhattan. I will probably go to Manhattan one night just to say I went. Nothing more, nothing less. Plus I am at a point in my life where I like riding trains. Might be fun one night to just get on a train and go. Unless of course it is 4 degrees outside which it may be. If so, then I am staying right in my cozy hotel room thank you very much. I need to talk to my bosses today to use one of the company cards and finalize arrangements.

During the day I texted with TGF. She wasn't in the mood to drive to my place yesterday so I offered to come to her. At first she said that would be okay but then like two hours later she back pedaled and said she just wanted to be alone. That's when I got all pissy.

I drove home, picked up my contacts, and grabbed a friend for dinner. I will be damned if I am going to sit in the house doing nothing because she isn't in the mood for company.

Sigh.

I love this girl and it is driving me nuts that I can't fix what is wrong with her. She has dance tonight and I won't see her again which is eating at me. At the same time, some time apart is not the worse thing for us either.

Fuck. Back and forth goes the wheel in my head...

Talked to her before going to bed. Slept like crap. Another day another step towards oblivion.