Yesterday was a fucked up shitty day. My class pushed me to the edge of frustration. Some of the people on there shouldn't even be allowed near a fucking computer let alone been in my class. Their incompetence put me in a shitty lousy mood because on the outside I had to appear patient and act like I was nice but inside I was ready to yell. This caused me to be in a shit mood towards B and everyone else I came in contact with after class. I tried, I really did, but it was hard to be in a good mood when all you want to do is scream.
After class we went to target and then to BJs for dinner. Things were fine, but I knew I was in a snippy mood and I was just distant from B because I didn't want to lash out. That made her feel like I was pissed off at her which I wasn't. The tension rose from there. She went to bed thinking I was mad at her and I was just so wound up I couldn't express adequately enough that I was just 'mad' in general. She ended up getting out of bed when I came in and going in the other room because I guess there wasn't enough sincerity in my voice. I fell asleep around 10:30 but woke up at midnight to see the light on in the front room. I fell back to sleep but felt her come in a little while later. Let's see how today plays out.
On top of it, I just found out my friend has been in the fucking hospital which makes me feel like the worse friend on the face of the earth. I had no idea she had been in the hospital. I hope she is doing better and feeling alright. Some time today I need to send her and her husband a message letting them know I am thinking of them and that I hope everything is going okay.
I am just a lousy human being.
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