ANA Y1 D249

We had a really busy evening and I went to bed later than I desired, but it was totally worth it. The interesting thing is we managed to squeeze in one more round for January. That brings us to 9 times in one month. Nine. Look, I know you all don't want to read about my sex life, but the truth of it is, it's important to me and this is my journal. I need to see that my life has changed for the good. In one month I have exceeded YEARS with B. Not just a little more. Like we went 8 months in between and me and C can't even go 8 days. I know that will change over time, so let me enjoy this, okay? Let me take pleasure in having a partner that finds me desirable. A partner that I can excite and wants me. It may not be a big deal for all of you, but for me this is huge. It's like the most validation I can have. That however is not the only reason we went to bed late though. 

First off, I worked and recorded all day. Finished my last class for 2023. I promised I would have them all done in January and lo and behold, I got that in under the wire. I worked until about 4:30 yesterday. From there we watched some Top Chef and after we made dinner. Simple dinner last night. We just had some tamales and rice. Beef tamales. They were good. C got a hankering to make donuts after that. We ended up making these german bundt cake cake donuts and then dipped them in chocolate. We took four and rolled them in Reese's pieces, four in Kit Kat, and four just chocolate. They came out really good. We then finished season 2 of Top Chef. After we went off to bed and well, see above.

Our new skateboards came yesterday. Very excited to get out and start riding. Unfortunately it snowed again all day yesterday. Oh well. There are some indoor parks here and I may try to convince C to go to one. We shall see how that goes.

Had a weird dream last night. I sometimes have these dreams where we find extra rooms in the house. This ones took it to a whole new level where there was a grocery store attached to the house. Oh and we were at Disneyland. Just weird.

Document work today. Just need to get through three more days and we're off on a weekend adventure!

ANA Y1 D248

 A new week is upon and in a few days, the second month of 2023. Let's see if this year speeds by as ridiculously fast as last year did. I blinked last year and it was December. Maybe this time things can feel a little slower please?

We had a good day in the house. We worked on the kitchen. We got all the spices transferred to jars on the counter which freed up a ton of cabinet space. I would rather lose a little counter space in exchange for the cabinets right now. We watched Top Chef. We played video games. We cleaned the house. We watched the snow come down. C bought us Taco Bell for lunch. I made swordfish and lobster tails for dinner. It was a pleasant and nice weekend overall. I have things to do this week that will keep me occupied. I am hoping to hear back from the doctor and get some thyroid meds. On Friday we're going out of town and it will be fun. Gone Friday through Sunday. So just need to make it four days. Four days.

ANA Y1 D247

Holy crap, I am almost forgot to write a post this morning. I don't know why but I was distracted and just spaced. But fear not fellow spacenauts, I am here with the latest scoop into my oh so strange life. I know like that cup of coffee in front of you, your day would feel less complete if you didn't read the ramblings of this mad human. Now onward we go into a journey of the mind!

I don't know what any of that crap means. I am just spewing words for the sheer joy of it today. I am happy and feel okay. So my verbal vomit just is flowing. God bless nothing.

Most of our day was spent at the salon. Both C and I had our hair did and it took up a good chunk of our morning. We got there at 7:30 and left 4 hours later. Worth it. C's hair looks fabulous and mine will hold for another 2 weeks until I get a new piece. That's all it has to do. Since we knew that this piece was almost toast, we had some fun and did a bayalage on it. We went from the copper to a fire red. Very nice. Something different, something fun. Just a pop of color. 

After we met our friend and her wife for late lunch. We ended up talking for hours and a 2pm lunch turned into getting home at 4:30. We helped our friend's wife see that people like us are not monsters, we're not predators, and more importantly, we're not "men in dresses". We're human. We're normal. We're frankly, pretty boring at the end of the day. Our friend has been having trouble with his wife because she sees so many bad examples of transwomen in the media, in the news, wherever. The non-passing. The lying. The drag queens that get lumped into our same bucket. No Timmy, we're not the same. She needed to see basically boring people who have the same issues as her. People who need to worry about their mortgage, grocery shopping, finding clothes that fit, heating the house in the winter, taking the car in for service. We're not drug users. We're not criminals. We're boring ass people who just happen to not feel our bodies match our brains. That's all. She has heard too many stories from her wife about the outcasts and the negatives and needed to be around regular folk. We were nervous going into this lunch because we didn't like being the poster kids for something. But truth be told, we liked her, enjoyed lunch, and hopefully gave her things to ponder.

Since we ate so late, we noshed later in the evening. Some leftovers, some cheese. Watched some TV and then went off to bed around 10pm. Well, let's say we both were feeling a bit randy and next thing you know it's midnight and we be naked. Oops. It happens. Yes, that's 8 for the month. 8. In a month. This kind of physical connection continues to blow my mind. Brings me joy in so many ways.

Today is cleaning day. Our big plan is to pull everything out of the kitchen cabinets finally. Strip them bare, clean them, and figure out how to best put it all back. Wish us luck.

ANA Y1 D246

I am up way too early this morning but I have to go out in a little while. We have an early hair appointment since we are both having things done today. According to my app I had just under 5 hours of sleep. I was right in the middle of a REM cycle when the alarm went off. Scared the shit out of me. There will be napping in my future. Maybe.

Had a good therapy session yesterday. Talked about all the things in my life but that no one thing was driving me and that my problems these days are basic standard issues. If this keeps up, come summer, I may switch to once a month. I will not stop going because it's a good outlet for me, but I will reduce how often I see her. The ultimate goal would be once a quarter. Check in 4 times a year. That's when you know you've won therapy, right?

Worked on work stuff. Had a meeting with my boss. Went over the plan for Feb. C took a proctored exam and I had to leave the room at one point. She needed about an hour so it wasn't a big deal. We made fajitas for dinner, watched more Top Chef, and snuggled on the couch. Went to bed around 10pm.

Today is hair, lunch with our friend and her wife, then nothing. No meal planned since we're having lunch at 2pm. We can nosh. Few more days and we go out of town. Looking forward to that.

ANA Y1 D245

Correction from yesterday I have HYPO not HYPER thyroidism. I am not making enough, not too much. Very different in terms of symptoms and treatment. My issues? Weight gain. Depression. Numbness. Coma. No problem. I requested an appointment for next week. Meds are an option.

Had over 200 people on my webinar yesterday. One of the best we've ever done. We had four people request immediate callbacks for further assistance. That could be major revenue if those turn into projects. Earning my keep bitch.

Went out for dinner last night and it was awful. Very displeased. Waste of money. Watched more Top Chef.

Therapy today. Meeting today. Recording today.

ANA Y1 D244

Got to put another red dot on the calendar. Oops. 

Snow. Just snow. It went for 18 fucking hours yesterday. I would say there's a good six inches out there. These idiots shoveling midday to just stay inside only for another 3-4 inches to fall. My guy came out 9 pm and oh look, my driveway is still clear. What a shock. B came over yesterday to drop some stuff off and pick some stuff up and I felt bad they had to go out in the weather. They had other things to do so we weren't the only trip, but still. I avoided leaving the house and will try to do the same today.

Spent the day finalizing a big document. Sometimes I hate non-technical people. I know I made certain changes but however these people are editing it, it's messing up links and fonts, and other stuff. Really starting to piss me off. I woke up to an email saying a link was wrong and it's like NOPE. This shit is still in my history. I KNOW I changed that one. It will be over today thankfully but it was still annoying.

I got C hooked on Top Chef last night. We watched five episodes of the first season. By episode 3 she had her faves and her hates. She also saw why I was inspired to cook a certain way after watching TC. It drives me to cook more than just pedestrian shit. It also showed her why plating and visual has become so important. All in all, we had a blast watching together.

Speaking of cooking, made black cherry pork chops for dinner. Simple but good. Oh and I got my bloodwork back. Apparently I do for sure have a vitamin D deficiency. Plus it looks like I have hyperthyroid issues. Waiting to hear back from the doctor on what to do next.

Webinar today. Need to prep mentally for it.

ANA Y1 D243

Well depending on your view, I have good news or bad news. Had my annual physical yesterday. I will be here for a while. I am good. The only negative and this is no shocker, I have a vitamin D deficiency. Wow, what a surprise. Oh, and I woke up to three inches of snow on the ground and a grey sky. Golly, I wonder how I have that deficiency. I am so surprised. Sarcasm, it's what's for breakfast. Seriously though, everything else is good. I need to lose weight to reduce my risk of things due to HRT, but otherwise, I am okay. We want to work on a 40lb reduction over the course of this year. 3-4lbs per month. Nothing crazy, nothing extravagant. I can do that. Portion control, physical activity, boom. I must say I do love my doctor. She doesn't make me guilty at all about anything. I don't have to have a mammogram for 4 more years, we did bloodwork for a PSA. Yes, I have to do both. Welcome to my weird world. Heart and lungs are fine. So yeah, you're stuck with me for a while kids. Sucks to be you.

Between that and voice therapy, that took up a chunk of my day.  My voice therapist got on me a bit. She says I am doing great, but only when I am doing formal reading. After about the third sentence in a regular conversation, I drop my voice back down. She's right. I do. She wants me to practice more with longer bursts so it becomes more natural to sustain. Okay. But my range is getting better, my vowels are improving, and a few times I pitched matched her perfectly. I see her again in two weeks.

I did more work on my matrix document, and that's about it. I did help B with some stuff. I helped her pick out a record player for her birthday and got her a record she wants. I also did some file backup for her. We made stuffed pizza waffles for dinner. Played some video games, went to bed. All in all a boring day. It's supposed to snow all day today. No plans to leave the house and hopefully power won't be affected.

ANA Y1 D242

Well as of last night in the first month of 2023 C and I have had more sex than B and I did for the entirety of 2020 and probably 2021. That's kind of sad. It's a factual statement but it doesn't make it any less depressing. We cared about each other, sure, but there clearly was no physical connection, was there? As frustrating as these last 9 months have been, I know in my heart I am on the right path. I know that in the long run this is the best thing for me. I feel more loved, more desired, more cared about both physically and emotionally than I have in years. I can't deny or ignore that. This concept of touch is so important. I remember writing 10 years ago when I was still single how much I was longing for touch. Not sex, just touch and closeness. I have it now. It brings me joy. 

Worked on a huge document yesterday and got it done around 1pm. Big accomplishment as it's needed for this week's webinar. Plus it's been languishing in someone else's hands for months. I buckled down and knocked it out. Made people happy and I got to look like the hero. We made indian food for dinner, played some video games, had bedroom fun, and went to bed. A good day was had by all.

Today I have voice therapy and then a physical at 3pm. Nervous about that, but it is what it is.

ANA Y1 D241

Oh look, it's Monday. Again. They just keep coming don't they? 

We had a decent day. We cleaned the house a bit. Watched the snow fall. Had cheesesteaks for dinner. We played video games and watched Arcane. We finished it. Not a very exciting day, but a good day. There's a couple of inches of snow on the ground still. Enough to look pretty but not enough to cause trouble. I have much document work this week. Joy. We are going out of town on the 3rd so until then, we stay in the house, we stay out of trouble. Today I will just keep my head down and do my stuff. 

ANA Y1 D240

About 125 days and we have made it through another year together my friends. A full year since this whole crazy adventure began. Amazing.

Okay, so. I forgot to tell you all about something that happened Friday night. We were watching the movie and I got an email from Hilton. It said in the subject "Please call us about..." and that's all I could read on my phone. What the hell could Hilton want?? I don't owe them any money, I don't have any issues with them, what the heck! I went in the other room and read the whole email. Turns out the hotel we're staying at in July for my birthday (which we already booked) was sold and is no longer a Hilton property. Oh. Okay. I called this new hotel and it is now a Comfort Inn. I asked them to please cancel any reservation I had and they were gracious and understood. The problem is this left me without a place to stay. Well. We're going to Traverse City for my birthday for the annual Cherry Festival. The hotel we picked was in the next city over as they wanted a ridiculous amount to stay right in town. We were going to have to drive 45 minutes each day, but it was a HUGE cost difference. I looked up my options and found one 3.2 miles from all the action. But what changed since I last looked? Well, since I booked the original, I had accumulated many points!! Aha!! Now since I had points, I was able to cover 2 of the 3 nights for free!! YAY ME! I booked the room and it actually is costing me LESS than the other reservation and we will be 3 miles from everything. Sometimes things do work out. 

Yesterday was a good day. We Went to the store for basic stuff, did not a whole lot in the morning, then went to the park for community day. We got some good Pokemon. We walked, we laughed, we had a good time. We spent the day outside and it was good. We got back home, our friend came over to celebrate his birthday with us, and we had a good night with him. I made steaks and for dessert we got an ice cream cake. Then the three of us watched John Wick 2. We had a nice night. He went home around 10 and we went to bed shortly thereafter.

Today is housecleaning day. That's all that is planned. Happy Lunar New Year to all of you and may the year of the bunny be good to you.

ANA Y1 D239

"Like a rhinestone cowboy!" Please tell me why that is stuck in my head? Of all the songs in the known universe, why that one? Am I being punished for some past sin? Argh. Maybe it will fade away on its own.

Okay, so yesterday. I got up, I paid bills and was pretty frustrated. $1000 of what I sent out yesterday was for B. This needs to end. I need them to start taking over their own shit. I am done with it. I can't continue to bankroll their life forever. They need to get a fucking job and move on. It really is pissing me off. After being angry and depressed, I went to the grocery store. One of the local nice stores was having an incredible sale on meat and seafood. I got $160 worth of meat and seafood for $74. We are stocked up. They keep warning us it's going to snow and we will be buried so now I know that I have food in this house for at least two weeks. At least. More like a month if I am being honest. So I feel good about that. Worked on some work stuff and waited until it was time to do my internal webinar. It went fine. No issues. Finished around 4:30 and called it a week.

For dinner we made our own udon with shrimp, crab, mushroom, tofu, and fish cake. Was super fucking good. We then settled in and watched a ton of tv. We watched two episodes of Arcane, Terminator 2, and the pilot for That 90s Show. The last one I will only watch for Kitty and Red. I don't like the kids. Maybe they will grow on me, but I doubt it. We'll see how it does. We had a mid-movie goat cheese plate which was awesome. Went to bed around 1am. When I told C I would be up by 7 she was like "WHY??". Meh, why not? I got shit to do today. I always have shit to do. I want to clean out some closets, organize some stuff, having company for dinner, make some muffins, etc. I have things to do, places to go. Plus it's a community day today and I know she will want to play. That's 3 hours of my day taken up by that.

I did have one moment yesterday that gave me pause. B messaged me asking if I knew something about who was going to be at one of the clubs I was going to in the summer. They were asking because they didn't want to run into one of their past lovers. I expressed that I could find out, but it was unlikely since I am not talking to most of those people any more. They were asking because they wanted to take friends to a drag show. It gave me pause because for years, we had no friends. Now that they're out and about, they seem to have this huge friend group. Was I the reason they didn't have friends? Was I the problem? When we were back in CA, I had a huge friend group. I knew all the people. I had cast and was constantly doing things with friends. But here, for the last four years, it's all I have moaned about. I don't want to be a problem for C. I don't want them to not have a friend group like B and resent me. I don't know why I struggle so much here to make friends. I never had this problem. Sure, I made friends through group, but I have just come to find I have so little in common with them. There's this socio-economic gap. No one I know through group would be eating udon, let alone make it themselves at home. Well, that's not true - I know a couple of people, but when it comes to being friends with them, we're both busy. The two or three people I could hang out with are as busy as I am and have their own lives. It's a challenge. Regardless, I talked with C about it and made it clear that I will never stand in their way of having friends or doing things. I encourage it. Plus I discussed how that should be one of our 2023 goals. Make at least two friends. Just two. Let's see how that goes.

Time to get the ball rolling and ride out in this star spangled rodeo...

ANA Y1 D238

We're back home already. We decided to come home last night instead of waiting until this morning. We got home around 10pm last night so we could sleep in our own bed. We didn't come home because someone's side piece was having a crisis or because someone was sad. No, we came home last night so we didn't have to get up at 3am and drive too early. We just wanted to sleep in our own bed plus that area is scheduled for snow and we didn't want to take a chance driving in bad weather. Big difference. Either way, we're home, it's bill day, and I have shit to do.

I spent the whole day in the room. Since C had the car, I was pretty much trapped. It's okay. I got a lot done for work and had two meetings. I finished up all my stuff by 3 and then played some video games until she got back around 6. I had leftovers for lunch and waffles for breakfast.

Today I have an internal webinar at 3, and other assorted things to do during the day. More importantly, bills to be paid.

ANA Y1 D237

92% sleep score. I believe that's my highest score ever. See what happens when I get to actually leave the house again? It's so stupid but it's nice to not be at home. I just needed a day or two out of that damn house. I have been stuck in there since what, October? November? Regardless it's been months since I have been able to go anywhere. Even this quick little two night trip is making a mental difference for me. We have an incredible room. Ever fuck in a whirlpool tub? I did last night. Yep. The room has a huge whirlpool tub for two. The bed is hella cozy and comfy. The pillows, just right. It was a good night.

Spent the day finishing up the webinar I have been working on. Present it tomorrow internally. Then we headed out around 1pm. Got here at 3:30. We went to dinner around 5, but first we stopped at the Cheese Lady. Yes, there is a location here and it was right next to the restaurant. We got a little bit of cheese and some crackers for a late night hotel snack. We then had excellent Italian food for dinner. C had shrimp and chicken vodka pasta, I had a tomato jam burrata pizza. We shared a cheesecake and flourless torte for dessert. Came back to the hotel, had aforementioned whirlpool fun, went to bed at like 9:30pm. An excellent day was had by all.

Today C is driving to deal with her dad and will be back around 5 or 6. I will be working on a blog post for work. Afterwards, a light dinner, then heading home tomorrow around 4. We need to be home early tomorrow. 

ANA Y1 D236

Finally got my sleep over 80%! Up from a shit 49% the night before. Maybe because I went to the dentist yesterday and got my shit taken care of. I can't express how happy I am at having gone to the dentist. I know that's a weird thing to say, but I had the best experience I have ever had at this office. The dentist was nice, the assistant was nice, the procedure was clearly explained, they took breaks while working on my mouth, oh, and they both were women. I never realized how much that was a factor in why I hated the dentist. To date, all of the dentists I have seen in the past have been old CIS white men. It hit me that there was some weird subconscious thing going on. Having some man's hands in my mouth and inches from my face just makes me feel dirty. Plus as I said to them yesterday, going to the dentist is like going to the mechanic. You go in for an oil change and next thing you know they've told you your car is going to explode if you don't do these 7,000 other things. Not once did I have that feeling. They fixed my filling, showed me the issue, and let me go. I liked them so much I am going back in Feb for a cleaning and full exam. Amazing.

I also had voice therapy yesterday and it went well. I learned what words give me trouble. More specifically, what sounds. "Today", "tonight", "you" - all of those at the end of a sentence cause me to drop my voice lower. I need to work on them. I worked hard at the dentist yesterday and it went well I feel. We will see next week how much improvement I made.

Also managed to work on my presentation. Made gnocchi for dinner, then got a wild hair up my ass and made popovers for dessert. As one does. They came out not too shabby. A little denser than I would have liked, but not bad. I also packed as we are going out of town today. I am helping C with her dad for once. Technically I am just driving there with her, staying in a hotel nearby while she takes him to a doc appointment, but the point is I am going too. I need out of the house and I am tired of her making these trip alone. Win win for everyone.

B is moving forward with their house. They had inspection yesterday and it went well. That's moving along as fast as it can but it's moving. By March that will be one more thing off my plate. I am getting there people. Changing my life. Making things work. I am getting there.

ANA Y1 D235

Man I had some weird dreams last night. I remember one about being at a concert. Why do I have so many dreams about being at concerts? Do I miss them that much? Whatever the reason, they're usually not bad, just weird. Maybe it was just yesterday which was weird in general. I was off all day. I felt tired and that I didn't get enough sleep. I ended up crawling back into bed around 8 and fell asleep for an hour, but then again at 1pm I took a nap. I think it's because my mouth is hurting more than I want to admit. The good news though is I have a 2pm dental appointment today. Bad news is I have a 2pm dental appointment. No one wants to go to the dentist, ever. But I will hopefully get this tooth fixed today. I did manage to work on the webinar I needed to handle. Didn't finish it, but made progress. I should finish it today. I made honey lime chicken for dinner. A new recipe to add to my rotation. It was pretty good. C liked it more than me so that's fine. Tonight is salmon. The more important thing from yesterday is we had sex twice. Ah the fun of youth. Yep. We went at it early in the night around 6:30 or 7pm right after dinner, then we watched some tv. We watched Terminator as C had never seen the original. We then watched the first episode of Arcane. One for me, one for her. We try to be like that. So we get into bed around 11 and one thing leads to another and the next thing you know, it's after midnight. Oops. That's five times in January so far. Yes, I am counting. Leave me be. It's important to me and you know why. Of course that means I didn't get enough sleep again. Oh well. I have a voice appointment this morning, then the dentist. This will be a fun day for sure.

ANA Y1 D234

They got the house! They close on March 1st!! Well, let me be clear, A got a house. B gets another free ride for now. Must be nice bouncing from one house to another without worrying about a mortgage or rent. Some of us don't know what that's like. But I digress. The positive is they will have their shit out of my house sooner rather than later, I get my basement back, and I can move forward with plans of my own. All that fucking matters. Plus they will be far enough away that I won't run into them ever. Our paths should never cross again after March. Sad but true. Hey eras end, life moves on. I always knew as time progressed our contact would be less and less. That while we may still care for one another, our time is done. It is what it is. Hell, I haven't spoken to the kid's mom in what, five years? I haven't spoken to X2 in almost 15. It is what it is. I have a new partner now and am starting a new chapter. Onward.

Oh what did we do yesterday? I honestly can't remember. We went out, I know that. Where the hell did we go?? We went to the pharmacy to pick up a scrip for me, ah yes, now I remember, then we went to the Asian grocery store. From there we came home and made plans for Feb to go to Holland on Ice. I need to get out of town and it's a nice weekend get away. Ice Sculpting, downtown activities, etc. Between the 'trip' this week to help C with her dad (W - F) and the trip to Holland (MI not the country dork), that should satiate me for a couple of months. We have my birthday already booked and planned so just a trip in like April or May will keep the travel bug at bay. 

Made steaks for dinner. After dinner we took a nice walk. It was cold but doable. We walked for about a mile. Played some video games together and went to bed. We did laundry too. C did some schoolwork to get a jump on the week. This week I have to work on a webinar and then have one last class to record. I got this.

ANA Y1 D233

 Hi. I slept in again. But again, I was up until past midnight. Plus I was up at 4:30 to take a pill then back to sleep until 8. I need the sleep. I could have gotten up and stayed up, but why? It's not like there's something urgent going on today. It's Sunday for fuck's sake. 

We had a productive day. We went to Popeye's for lunch because C was craving it. Then to the pet store to pick up a couple of things for the idiots. Back home where we spent the next couple hours cleaning. During that time B & A came over to grab stuff. They put an offer in on a house yesterday. Honestly I hope they get it. It will mean their stuff is out sooner rather than later. I will get my basement back. That will make all the difference in the world. I will have my space. If the offer gets accepted they can close hopefully by Mid-Feb and get this stuff out of here. Best Valentine's Day present ever. But regardless, while they were here (in our way) we kept cleaning. Got the whole house clean and felt pretty good. 

For dinner we went to a new place called Burrito Bar. Basically a Qdoba or Chipotle but not too shabby. C paid because she was feeling guilty. We then settled in for 3 hours and watched Wolf of Wall Street. I have wanted to watch that since it came out but could never convince B. Fucking loved it. It was a great movie. But damn was it long. When it was over we played video games for a while and went to bed.

Literally nothing planned for today. Maybe laundry.

ANA Y1 D232

Kind of slept in this morning. I say kind of because I did get up at 4:30 to take my antibiotic, but then I went back to bed. Plus we didn't go to bed until after midnight. So the total number of hours asleep was only like 6, even though it's almost 8am. It's cold and gloomy out and the plans involve not leaving the house, so meh.

I had a busy morning. Took Marble to the vet to be checked out. She has lost more weight but in general is doing okay. We ran some glucose tests and her blood sugar is good. The tooth is still a problem, but we haven't decided to pull it yet. Cost me $120 to find out she's fine. Okay. From there I had therapy. That went well too. I finally got to go in with "normie" problems. Not trans problems. Not gay problems. Not marriage problems. Just regular run of the mill get shit off my chest problems. That was nice. Got back home and then until about 4, worked on one more class. Another damn monster of a class. I still technically have one more to record, but I'm switching gears next week and working on a webinar. At least I am busy again.

After working, made dinner. Did honey garlic pork chops with pasta and broccoli. Was very happy with how everything turned out. I have been really happy eating at home these last few weeks. Saving money, spending time with C at home, and enjoying cooking. I did have one issue yesterday. I think I knocked part of a filling out in one of my teeth. I haven't been to a dentist since Obama. Seriously. I don't think the whole filling came out because I can still eat, drink, etc, but something definitely came out of one of my teeth. That worries me. I have to find a dentist and get that resolved. That will be my goal for next week. Joy. We watched a movie last night, The Lobster. Fucking weird movie but really good. Then we finished the night off with some sexy time. That was the best part of the day. Happy Friday to me.

Today going to clean and play video games. No other major obligations that I am aware of thankfully. 

ANA Y1 D231

Up early because I have shit to do this morning. I have to take the cat to the vet at 8, therapy at 10, then I have to finish one more class. It's a damn monster of a class with 26 modules and dozens of demos. It's the second to last one and it needs to be done today. This is my last week to work on this stuff. I have other obligations starting next week. It's 4:37 and I am already going at 9000 miles per hour. I will rest when I am dead. 

Yesterday was a MUCH better day for both of us. Just in a better headspace. We're allowed to have bad days. We talked through stuff that was bugging us both (not about each other, just life things in general) and we helped each other through. You know, the way partners should. Funny how that works. 

I had my doctor appointment yesterday. Got my year injection. One less thing I have to worry about thank goodness. I got shot in the butt with 8 pellets and now it's done and done. My doctor also doubled my progesterone for the next three months. I have to do more bloodwork in 6 weeks but otherwise, things are humming along in that respect. One less thing for me to worry about.

Spent the rest of the day recording. All I have done for the last few days. My Xmas gift from the kid arrived. A hand made American McGee stuffed bunny. I fucking love it. It's awesome. She has some great taste. Made curry for dinner, watched some TV, went to bed. 

Okay, let's get this day going.

ANA Y1 D230

Yesterday was a rough day for both of us. We both had ups and downs. I couldn't get into work, C couldn't get into school. Neither of us felt good about ourselves. It just wasn't a pleasant day. Somehow we still managed to get some things accomplished. We went to the store, we got cheese, we installed a cat door to the bedroom, we made dinner, I made a chocolate pie, but the whole day was clouded by emotion. I had my doctor appointment which led to my next pellet injection. That's what triggered C. She is feeling her doctors aren't as responsive or aggressive as mine and she feels she is going to get left behind. Nothing could be farther from the truth but logic doesn't always play into these feelings. I snapped at her in the store because she was on her phone and it reminded me too much of B. It was just a lot of little shit like that all day. Take the bad with the good, right? Today will be better. I know it.

ANA Y1 D229

We need to install a cat door on the bedroom door. The cats either want it or want out if we keep it closed. The problem when we do that is that the humidifier has to work its ass off because if the door is open it tries to do the whole damn house. Plus the heat was up last night. So basically, I was dying. I woke up a few times drier than the desert. Not cool man. The cats are slowly starting to get along. Mine don't care. They really don't. It's C's that is having trouble integrating. There have been a couple of positive moments, but for now they are keeping distance from each other. They will get there. Then everyone can sleep on the bed happy.

Finished another class yesterday. Had a good meeting with my boss about progress. She used to work at a place where they did TV commercials so she gets that a 30 second ad might take two days to record. To her I am cranking through these things. Good. I have two more classes left to do. I will get there.

B came over to pick up some stuff. Brought the doggo with her. That dog was so happy to be back in the house. It IMMEDIATELY ran up to C which I know bugged the heck out of B. I was sad for them to go, but I know we can't do the whole dual custody thing. Too confusing to the poor dog. I love her to death, but this is what's best.

Made fish tacos for dinner. Played some video games. Had some fool around time before calling it a night. Next week we are getting out of the house for a couple of days. C has to be back at her dad's and this time I am going with her. We're going to spend the night in town so we don't have to sleep apart. Plus I just need to get the fuck out of town. I have been here for over 2 months.

Doctor's appointment today. Should result in my next set of pellets being injected. Or at least the appointment for them. That will be one more thing off my plate for a year.

ANA Y1 D228

Did work yesterday. Prepped for two more classes to record, answered a ton of emails. Made lamb for dinner. I like having lamb regularly. I missed it. Played video games. Went to bed. Nothing is wrong, just nothing exciting going on. Life is humming along as it should. Bills have to be paid, houses have to be cleaned, work has to be done. This is life. It's okay. I am laughing, I am feeling wanted and loved. So yeah, I may not have much to talk about today, but it's actually alright.

ANA Y1 D227

Okay, I am back. I had to go away for 24 hours (Tyler's not here.) I just had to crawl back inside my brain for a little while. The upside is thanks to C being supportive, caring, and attentive, my brain only fried for 24 hours this time. Not for days on end. I'll take that. Consider it a small victory.

Went over to B's house yesterday. Got to see MY dog. She's doing okay. I miss her more than I ever thought I would. She was also very happy to see me. She doesn't like it there. She liked being the only dog. But I have to let her go. B isn't about to give her up. Saw the stupid cat too. She sneezed on me. Nope. Don't miss your stupid ass one bit. Bye now.

Didn't want to cook last night. We finally had smashburger. Food good, service horrible. Eye rolling, complaining, grumpy. I complained to corporate. We shall see what comes of it if anything. We played some video games and went to bed. C still isn't feeling 100% and that is interfering with our bedtime activities. I think that's also frustrating me. I can't blame her for feeling off, but I can be frustrated at not being able to do anything. 

Work all week. One more class to record, then webinars to write. Going in for bloodwork this morning. Due for my next pellet shot soon. I am hoping first week of Feb. We shall see. 

ANA Y1 D226

 Ok. Yesterday was meh. I am meh. Today will probably be meh. I don't belong here. I don't belong anywhere.

ANA Y1 D225

Good Saturday morning! It is finally the weekend and I am doing well! Slept until 6:20, slept pretty good. No weird dreams that I can remember, no temperature issues. Yep. Doing okay so far. Of course, it is only 6:40am. The world hasn't woken up to frustrate me yet. Give it time.

Had my hair did yesterday. Very happy with this piece. For the first time I have one that's lasted more than a month. We're going to push this one until Valentine's Day. That will mean I got four months out of this unit. This is how it's supposed to work. I could probably go as far as March and get five months, but whatever. I have three more available to me this year and at this rate they should last the entire year. Also finished another class yesterday. Very productive week I feel. Especially given that Monday was a holiday. I got a lot accomplished for the first week of the year.

We had a date night last night. Went downtown Detroit. It was nice being downtown in a city, even though it was 30 something degrees. We did freeze our butts off, but we looked good, had an easy time finding parking, and had a wonderful sushi dinner. We came back home, played some video games, and went to bed. 

Today we are going to a bridal expo with our friend who is actually getting married, then it's community day. Otherwise, our big plans for the weekend include cleaning the house and a whole lot of nothing. I may go see Pip tomorrow because I miss her stupid face. We will see how that makes me feel.

ANA Y1 D224

Up early because I have shit to do this morning and a hair appointment at 9. Have to break away from work to come back and do more recording. Plus it's bill day and I need the time. Joy.

Spent the day recording again. Got a late start but managed to get through a large chunk of what I needed to do. Made chicken parm for dinner. Watched some tv. Went to bed. Nothing exciting yesterday. Sorry to disappoint. 

ANA Y1 D223

I didn't sleep well last night. We have a new friend in our house. C's cat Merlot now lives with us. She is adapting but was very vocal last night while trying to sleep. She is not used to her new home. We have her locked with us in the bedroom which is why she is unhappy. She will get used to it, but it was a rough night.

I spent the entire day recording. Didn't finish until almost 4, but I got the monster class done. I have two more to work on but they are a fraction of the size of the one I have been working on. Felt good to finish. We ate out last night for the first time in weeks. C didn't get home until 5 and neither of us wanted to cook. We then watched some tv, tried to get Merlot acclimated, and went to bed. Nothing exciting on any front. 

That's about it. Just making it until the weekend because that's life.

ANA Y1 D222

I have come to realize I know too many people here who are unemployed, partially employed, or retired. This is impacting their expectations of how much time I can give to maintaining friendships. If you message me between 7am and 5pm, odds are I am fucking working. Not to mention, even the ones who are employed seem to have no lives. Do you think I am up to doing something last minute on a Tuesday after working all day? Add to this the ones who live in apartments or with parents. Even if I had the energy, odds are I have a house task that needs completing and I am not going anywhere. Nor do I have hours on end to sit and chat with you on a phone or computer. You need to change your expectations. Big time.

As such, I spent all the way until 5pm last night working. C left around noon. I went to the eye doctor at 8am, came back by 9, and started working. Plain and simple. As for the eye doctor, for the first time ever, I had no change in my prescription! WOO! Exciting to be honest. My eyes have reached their peak fucked up level and are holding steady. Go me.

Recorded all day and handed off to B. Have like 16 more to record today. It will take me all day to get this done. No screwing around. After work, I had leftovers, watched a little tv, moved some shit around, put away laundry, cleaned the house a bit, and went to bed at 9:30. It was a long day.

Not sure what time C will be back. Making chicken parm for dinner.

ANA Y1 D221

Back to the regularly scheduled bullshit. Back to normal life and work. This morning I have an eye doctor appointment at 8am. Got up at 4:21. I am very tired. Didn't go to sleep until 10:30. Insufficient. But it's okay. C has to go out of town today and I will be alone tonight. I can go to bed at 9:30 if I want. Sleep in until 6. Maybe take a nap even later today. Just have to deal with the morning.

I did do some work yesterday even though it was a holiday. Wanted to get a headstart on today. It helped. Made me feel productive. We also went to the store for dinner foods. Had homemade chicken gyros. I swear it was such a simple meal but one I had never thought to make. It was C's suggestion and damn it was good. Had it with some brussel sprouts and mac & cheese. We watched some tv, played some games. Oh and we had afternoon sex. One down, 53 to go to be average. Look, given that I don't think B and I had sex 10 times in 5 years, this is an important metric for me. It might sound shallow and dumb, but it's reflective of my feelings and that's worth tracking. I will not have the same fucking issues I had last time. I will not let history repeat. 

Plan for the week is more recording, hair appointment on friday, community day Saturday. Not very exciting week in store, but that's okay. 

ANA Y1 D220

One day down, 364 to go. It was a good day at that. We did nothing. We played video games, we ate food, we lollygagged around the house. No one bugged us, no one asked of our time. I honestly don't have much to write about today because we didn't do anything. There was no drama, there were no headaches. We had a nice quiet day at home. I like.

We did play games at night with C's friends. She is not embarrassed or ashamed to have me hang out with her friends like someone else was. She doesn't worry about me being judgmental or not getting along with them. Maybe because they're not pot smoking lazy drug dealers? Hm. Maybe so. Other than though we had no interaction with anyone. We made orange julius knockoffs, had chinese food for dinner, spent quality time together, and just enjoyed the start of a new year.

Today is a holiday for me. I am going to clean the house a bit, get a jumpstart on some work for the week, and that's about it.

ANA Y1 D219

I dunno, it still smells like 2022 to me.

Welcome to the new calendar year. Ah yes, the arbitrary marking of the earth passing around the sun. 5783 by the Jewish calendar. Only 3000 years to go for the Gregorian to catch up. Wonder what we'll be doing then. I will let you know because I will probably still be writing. I will have a 2000 year old wife and still be robbing the cradle. You know bad habits never die.

Had an okay day. Got some stuff done around the house. Baked quite a bit in the morning in anticipation of a party last night. I made a cranberry pie and strawberry pie cupcakes. The cupcakes were better than the pie. It needed more sugar. Oh well. As for the "party", well that's a different story.

First off, C wasn't feeling social and was anxious about going to a party and hanging out with people. She ended up staying home. She got the better end of the deal, for real. I left around 6:30, got there about 7, and there were 3 people. Seriously. Three. I was like, oh I am too early. Nope. That was it. Then, the person hosting the party accidentally took too many gummies and started freaking out. She kicked us all out at about 9:30 just as we were starting to play a game. I was planning on leaving around 10 anyway, but jfc. She was in the bathroom for 30 minutes throwing up, crying, and making a damn nuisance of herself. Kind of ruined any fun that would have happened. As it was, I was home by 10. C fell asleep at 11:45pm and I had to wake her up at midnight. I was up until 2. I had drank a Bang at 8pm to make sure I was awake and yep, it worked. So the night was a bust in my mind. At least the party part. I enjoyed the last two hours with C. Not going to deny that. I got to ring in the new year with someone I love, at home, in cozy clothes. I am not hungover, not feeling like any mistakes were made, and didn't end the year making an ass out of myself. Can't complain about that. At least I wasn't doing Rocky drunk. I wouldn't have minded a little more glitz and glam, but oh well.

Today we have nothing planned. It's Sunday and a holiday. Very little to do even if we wanted to do anything. Going to watch tv and play video games. Maybe have sex. The average person has sex 54 times a year. I had at least half that in 5 months so now in 2023 I have a goal. Must be better than average. I am thinking 100 times at least. Be the first time in a long time I was beating that number. Heh. I hope everyone had a safe night, had fun, and is feeling okay this morning. Well, mostly everyone. Some people can fuck right off.