Y12 D117

 Before I say anything else, let me be 100% clear on something: if you vote red, abstain from voting or worse, vote for a stupid fucking third party candidate this time around, do not ever contact me again. As far as I am concernced you are dead to me. I truly mean that. If any of this bastards choices get put on the court, we are one step closer to Handmaid's Tale. You all think I am kidding. Go ask your mom or your grandma if they could open a bank account when they were younger. Or apply for a credit card. Or adopt. Or own a home on their own. ALL of those things required a woman to have a man's permission. And I am not talking that long ago. We're talking the fucking 70s and 80s people. IN YOUR LIFETIME for most of you this was reality. That doesn't even count medical issues. Ask a transgender person over the age of 40 what it was like. That not only could you be arrested for wearing the 'wrong' clothes, but odds are you would be beaten first. You think cops are getting away with murder now? You know what happens if this continues? We will need an Adjustment Day. It's starting to reach critical mass in that direction. So I reiterate, vote anything other than blue down the ballot, don't ever talk to me again. Period.

B's cakes turned out amazing:

Not bad, right? She was up until 4am frosting those bad boys. Some of her best work.

Spent hours doing fish tank work yesterday. We ordered dinner in. Italian. It was pricy but really good. We definitely found a place we would go to in person eventually. 

Watched TV. Bed. 

Y12 D116

 I can't do it any more. I can't live in this world. With RBG dead, the fate of the future truly is in flux. What happens over the next few weeks will decide the course of this country for the remainder of my life. That's a scary fucking thought. Mitch McConnel is the biggest piece of shit, most disgusting meat suit slimeball to ever walk this planet. I don't understand how that thing justfies its existence. Despicable, horrible, awful, piece of shit. Wait. That's not fair to shit. If you think I am overreacting then you are a CIS-gender, heterosexual, white male with a moderate to high income. Because for you, nothing will change. You'll keep going in your nice little leave it to fucking beaver bubble. You who proclaims "i'm not racist but..." or "I'm not ....phobic, but...." can just fuck right off. Come out of your bubble for 30 seconds and realize that RIGHT FUCKING NOW illegally imprisoned latina women are having their fucking uteruses ripped out of their body by ICE. Realize that the shitstain's primary nominee has already said its first act is to roll back ALL LGBT laws and ALL women's rights laws. So no, you fuck, you won't be affected. But then again, you're the same people who won't wear a mask because "I aint afraid of duh 'rona". Never thinking about the fact that it's not to help you, BUT YOUR FELLOW HUMANS. You know, the people that McConnel doesn't care about either. And I am talking to you whiny bitch babies who surrouned the MI capital with semi and fully automatic weapons yesterday. You are fucking children. Give a fuck about someone else besides yourself for once. That's it. I am done. I am done wasting my breath on all of you. As soon as their lockdown is over, I'm going to Australia. Even Canada is too close. Ironically, even Germany is looking good right now. You know, the country that has LEARNED from its past. 

I fear there will be another world war in my life. And that's not a pleasant thought.

Taught all day, depressed all night.

Fish tanks today. Other than that, digging a bunker to die in.

Y12 D115

Still hate this new interface. It's dumb. Yeah, that's my big critique. Big dumb poopy stinky face.

I got up a little earlier today because I have shit to do before class. Bills. Ribs in the slow cooker. 9 hours on low. All day ribs. 

Taught day two. Nothing exciting there. One more day to go with this group. This is a mildly easier day compared to yesterday and I should finish a little early given the size of the group. We shall see.

Finished the main storyline in Control. Man that last part was a bitch. I kept getting lost, then I kept having issues getting to the final platform. But I did it. Now time to start the DLC. Two main DLC packs followed by some one off stuff. I will consider it done once I get through the two mains. The side stuff can stay side stuff. 

B stayed up baking a cake last night. Her friend's friend is having a small birthday on Saturday for her 1 year old and the baker bailed last minute. Super B to the rescue. Of course the kitchen will be taken over when she frosts and finishes, but it's nice of her.

Speaking of birthdays, I was proud of B for holding her ground yesterday. In another example of 'people are fucking selfish and stupid', B's mom called her yesterday and told her they were all going to dinner at some restaurant for her grandma's 75th. WTF? Stay home people. Still people dying out there. This is the kind of shit that's causing this to not let up. People are pretending like the calendar is going to magically change shit. "Just get through the year". And then what? It's not gone. It won't be gone until you dumb ass people stop going out in public and spreading germs. Sorry if your birthday sucks, but deal with it. B did say fuck no she's not going to some stupid restaurant. Proud of her for that. CA and OR are still on fire. We're getting temperatures in the 40s right now at night. Floods are happening all over. And you fucking people want Italian? Fuck off. 

Time to do bills so I can start my ribs.

Y12 D114

 Yesterday started off horribly. I spent nearly two hours before class trying to get instances up and running for the group. I tried like five different ones, had multiple people on the phone with me, and finally we figured out that when the servers were last upgraded, the supplemental programs were not. So while everything appeared to start up, when you launched the supplemental, it failed. Of course the class is ON the supplemental. At like 8:25am got it figured out and I had two of four ready to go. Got the second two ready as I was teaching the into part of the class. Talk about stress.

Three students, no real issues with them. One is a anti-mask covid is a hoax kind of douche, but I am swallowing my anger and just teaching the class. I know this because he was talking about his going to Sturgis and not wearing one the whole time and he was just fine. Okay buddy. Thank god we're not doing this class in person.

B made chili for dinner. She had a skype session with her friend in Australia. I played Control. Almost done with the main game. So many WTF moments last night while playing. The coolest part of the endgame is the ashtray maze. But now I have the final baddies to deal with and the main storyline will be done. I did the majority of the side missions too, but still have three different DLC packs to finish. So won't be done quite yet.

Two more days with this group, then it's the weekend. Whee.

Y12 D113

 I'm doing a little better today but still not great. I was able to talk about things with B last night which helped. I feel bad using her as a therapist but I don't have a whole lot of other choices right now. One does, what one has to do.

Worked on docs the majority of the day followed by 2.5 hours with these people in MA. Out of six, 3 were sharp and I would have no problem working with them, 2 were okay and could be handled, 1 was their boss and he needs to go. He's the one who basically kept pushing me to do their work and show them things as if this were a paid for session. This was free mentoring in the expectation (salesperson's, not mine) that they would see how great were are and buy real training. Yeah, not what this guy has in mind. He is going to milk us for all the free information he can get all the while teasing he's going to close a deal. Him I didn't like one bit.

Made some steaks after class. Watched some TV. Played Control. Went to bed. 

Three fulls days of teaching now. Doing what I am good at. Hopefully that will help my mood.

Y12 D112

 I am not doing well. Mentally, not physically. Physically I am fine. Well, no, not really. More ear problems. I have another fucking ear infection in my right ear. Hurts like hell. But the bigger problem is my mental state. I am just stuck inside my head once again. Feeling overwhelmed. Feeling lost and hopeless right now. I don't feel like anything matters. Especially work. It just all seems so useless. I just feel like the world is falling apart and yet capitalism keeps on cranking, crushing the souls of everyone trapped inside its machinery. Now I have to do some stupid ass mentoring session with people I don't know, never heard of, and with less than 24 hours notice. I mean, what's the point? How is this helping the bigger picture?We're all supposed to pretend that things are normal so old white men can make more money? I mean in the end, is it any deeper than that? When you pause it's depressing. No two ways about it. We're in the shit and no one cares. I read an article about people living in hotels that have been in some cases abandoned by their owners. People living in filth. No power. Not sure where their next meal is coming from. And the sad, sad part is these people have jobs. They work 40-50 hours a week at multiple part time jobs because no one will give them full time work because they don't want to pay benefits. Where this story took place, in order to comfortably afford housing you need to make $20-$30 an hour and these people make $8-$9. The real irony? This is right next door to one of the largest money making venues in the world. Billions of dollars come flooding in normally. Heck, millions are still flowing in right now. Yet, a mile away is a motel strip where gunshots ring out at night and people who are trying their best to make a living are trapped in rooms without AC dying. That divide, that dichotomy of two americas is so striking and shameful. When I try to wrap my head around that and justify the stupid shit I do for a living, it's hard. I get paid to tell people how to make more money, how to squeeze more dollars from patients, from customers, from shippers. How to cut more corners. I perpetuate the wrongness of the world and for that I get my 30 pieces of silver. Add to that when I look around, I see others oblivious to all this pain and crumbling of society and the world. They're disassociating. "It's Fine" is the true motto of 2020. We all know it's not but we fear raising our head too high lest the lawnmower cut it off. So we bury it back in the sand and we watch Rome burn.

Not hard to see why I am depressed, eh?

Yeah. I would tell you I worked, ate dinner, etc. But what's the point? I am surviving. Most of what I do each day is survival. Not enjoyment. I calculate out the 18 hours until I can go to bed again. I fill the hours with whatever meaningless tripe I can to just make it long enough to go back to sleep. That's all I am trying to do right now.

Survive.

Y12 D111

 I am going to literally kill one of our cats. She has been driving me nuts since 11pm last night. She's being overly needy and driving me up a wall. She just won't shut up. But that's not the bigger problem. I was in bed, sound asleep when I hear this god awful howling. Turns out there was a stray cat in front of our house and ours was going nuts yelling at it. I shooed away the stray and it came back. I locked ours in the bedroom with me but she started screaming. I let her out, the stray came back. I finally got everyone gone and calmed down but man was I pissed off. 

Then I have the weirdest fucking dreams. I was in a police station waiting for lab results and trying to stall to keep bad guys from being able to leave. Then I was in a strange apartment and this guy was singing. There was more that I am not remembering right now but it was just this weird montage of things. Something to do with driving and cars I remember. Like I was buying a car or something. Just out there.

Worked more on the pantry as the hanging baskets B ordered arrived. We were able to leverage that empty space above the cans with hanging cubbies for chips and the like. All space is now used properly. Other than that, didn't do much. Touched up my hair. Played some video games. Oh, I did have one crazy moment. I was playing Control and I was in this spoopy part of the astal plane when BAM the power goes out. Game got a jump scare out of me even when it didn't mean to do so. Don't know why the power went out but the timing was spot on. I thought I had the new machine on the UPS but apparently not as my screen went dark. Need to fix that issue today. 

Three days of teaching this week. Weds-Fri. Have to get through today and tomorrow. And yes, I do feel like I am 'getting through' each day right now. The world is too far gone for me to feel anything other than survival most of the time. Sad.

Y12 D110

 Right after I posted yesterday the work issue was resolved. I jumped to conclusions and almost made a mountain out of molehill. I sometimes forget I now have a boss who actually listens to me as long as I present my argument in a clear, logical manner. I replied to his messages about using zoom and within an hour we had come to the collaboration of using a different product. Both of us had our goals met without incident or fight. It's so nice and refreshing to have that after having a dumbass in charge that wouldn't listen to me. With old age comes the ability to admit when I am wrong or have jumped to a conclusion. I totally did that in this case and am happy to say a positive resolution emerged.

We worked on rearranging the kitchen yesterday. Did bedding laundry. Went to a Zoom birthday at 11pm. Cleaned fish tanks. Had tacos for dinner. Went to a Zoom birthday at around 11. It was horrible and underscored everything I hate about Zoom. Downloaded Tony Hawk. Played through the first four levels. Finished them. 14 levels to go. Then repeat for 20 more characters. Woot.

Went to bed around 1. Today, going to the grocery store for a few things, not doing much of anything else. 

Y12 D109

 It's later than I thought. I can tell that fall is almost upon us as it is darker in the mornings. Another 45+ days until we change the clocks but you can see it coming. My ears are bugging me this morning. Too much moisture in the room last night. I need to turn off the humidifier for a few days. The weather is getting colder too. Low 70s right now for the week. Rain on a few days. Good weather as far as I am concerned.

Taught all day. Started early as some students logged in early to ask questions and stayed late to ask more. It was a long day. But it got longer because our pantry came and we spent the next two hours assembling it and the rest of the night moving shit over. Next thing I knew it was 9pm. The pantry looks good though. Check it out:

We're going to get some hanging cubbies for the large open part and put snacks in them. 

Now today we're going to redo the rest of the kitchen cabinets since we have more room available to us. That's the big plan for Saturday. Whee.

I am going to have a battle with work next week. My stupid boss wants to start using Zoom. Fuck Zoom. It's a horrible piece of shit product. I will not show my face in classes. Fuck that. If they force me to start using Zoom, I will, even in the middle of a pandemic, start looking for a new job. Great. Now I am going to stress about this all weekend. Fucking people. I fucking hate people. Stop changing shit just to change shit. Bastards.

Y12 D108

 Still hate this new interface. After a decade of one way, it's hard to change.

New Marilyn Manson album out today. Excited to listen to it. I heard the title track already and enjoyed it. Let's see if the rest of the album holds up.

Taught all day. Good group in terms of engagement level but they had some serious technical issues and a few of them got lost as a result. Another day with them today but hopefully we can get through it without any more problems. We shall see.

Made nice lamb burgers for dinner. Was quite happy with how they turned out. I added some queso fresco and dill to the mix. Red onion, spices, and some mint jelly finished it off. Good stuff.

Played more Control. Weird weird shit. Chased a rubber duck for 30 minutes. Don't trust Marshall. But more importantly, don't trust Pope. They're both 'off' a bit. 

My first class nuts arrived yesterday! 5 lbs of premium nuts. I calculated out how much that would have cost to buy in a store and I got $50 worth of nuts for $37. Good deal. Heat me up a washcloth and pretend I am on an airplane. I am thinking about taking a test flight to like Chicago. See how they do. Maybe in October. Too many people still dying for my taste.

To all my Bay Area, SoCal, and Oregon readers, please be safe. I know it sucks out there right now. Stay inside, don't breathe the air, and please don't catch on fire. I don't have time for that.