An open letter to my sister-in-law:
Dear Cunt,
Thank you for isolating and excluding me yesterday. I was humiliated and embarrassed when the entire family came in from a side door except for me who was sitting all alone in the second row. Between everyone staring at me before the service had started and then for everyone to see that I was being intentionally left out, you did a wonderful job bitch. Then when people got up to read from the family it was one thing, but when HIGH SCHOOL FRIENDS got up to read and you once again excluded me, that felt wonderful. I am sure my brother would have been so proud of your fucking Christian values right then.
I would also like to commend you on your attitude at the reception. Even when I approached you and APOLOGIZED TO YOU you ignored me and walked away. You are a fucking hypocrite. You preach tolerance and forgiveness, but when placed in a situation where you need to display these values, you show your true colors.
Maybe you feel guilty about all those emails you sent me over the last couple years where you told me you wanted my brother gone and how you couldn't take him anymore. Or maybe it's being unable to handle someone who refuses to play your games. Either way, you made yesterday a living hell for me. I hope you are happy and proud.
Go fuck yourself.
your brother in law
PART TWO: Open letter to my ex-wives
Dear X1 and X2,
I know we're not married anymore, but would it have killed you to send an email expressing your regret? That's all.
Me
PART THREE -- Open letter to my friends
To all of you who DID support me these last few days, I love you and would have not made it through without you. You are all wonderful and I am truly blessed to have you in my life.
Me
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Y2 D187
Slept on the couch last night. I was so tired I didn't want to move to the bedroom. I just gave up and stayed on the couch.
What was supposed to be a quick 2 1/2 hour trip turned into a 600 mile 8 hour day on the road. The kid and I left here around 8 to go to the halfway meeting place. About halfway there, I get a text from her step-dad. His fuel pump went out and X had the other car but of course she was off living her life. He was stranded with no way to meet us. He was very apologetic and I know he didn't do this on purpose. He offered to pay for my gas for the trouble. I ended up driving her all the way home. This wouldn't have been so bad if it weren't for the holiday traffic. On a road where I can normally do 80 without worry, I was doing 30 most of the way.
I didn't get home until after 4. I still had to figure out what I was going to wear today to the funeral. All of my suits that are appropriate are too big. The one downside of losing too much weight and not being able to afford to replace them. I finally settled on a black pinstripe suit. It's borderline for a funeral, but with a gray shirt and black tie, no one will notice. Hell, it's not like anyone is going to be paying any attention to me today.
Got all that situated and took a long bath. My tattoo was killing me from the hot water but I didn't care. The rest of my body needed to soak after being in the car for so long. By the time I sat down on the couch to eat something, it was 7:40. I had some ground turkey, watched the Simpsons and the next thing I know it's 6:30. That was my day yesterday.
Although, I am pretty sure it will top today. I leave in 2 hours for the funeral. Joy oh joy.
What was supposed to be a quick 2 1/2 hour trip turned into a 600 mile 8 hour day on the road. The kid and I left here around 8 to go to the halfway meeting place. About halfway there, I get a text from her step-dad. His fuel pump went out and X had the other car but of course she was off living her life. He was stranded with no way to meet us. He was very apologetic and I know he didn't do this on purpose. He offered to pay for my gas for the trouble. I ended up driving her all the way home. This wouldn't have been so bad if it weren't for the holiday traffic. On a road where I can normally do 80 without worry, I was doing 30 most of the way.
I didn't get home until after 4. I still had to figure out what I was going to wear today to the funeral. All of my suits that are appropriate are too big. The one downside of losing too much weight and not being able to afford to replace them. I finally settled on a black pinstripe suit. It's borderline for a funeral, but with a gray shirt and black tie, no one will notice. Hell, it's not like anyone is going to be paying any attention to me today.
Got all that situated and took a long bath. My tattoo was killing me from the hot water but I didn't care. The rest of my body needed to soak after being in the car for so long. By the time I sat down on the couch to eat something, it was 7:40. I had some ground turkey, watched the Simpsons and the next thing I know it's 6:30. That was my day yesterday.
Although, I am pretty sure it will top today. I leave in 2 hours for the funeral. Joy oh joy.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Y2 D186
just realized that I missed the halfway point marker with everything that has been going on this week. It was the other day. Less than six months to go in this cycle of my journey. Will there be a third year of writing? We will have to see if I have anything left inside of me when the time comes. Or if I have some psycho bitch in my life that makes the writing worth reading.
LONG day yesterday aka a show Saturday. The kid and I went out in the morning to pick up the props as we were in charge of them last night. After that I dropped her off at X1's mother's house. I have to let them see the kid. Have to play nice. After I dropped her off I went and ran some errands. Most note worthy is I went and got a new tattoo for my brother (number 11 if anyone is keeping count of the pieces of ink on my body). I wanted something simple and clean that only meant something to me. When our mother died, I got my very first tattoo to always remember her. I felt it appropriate to get one for my brother too. I told all this to the guy at the tattoo place and he told me to come back in a couple of hours and he would take care of me. I had my last one done at the same place. Because of that and the situation, he charged me half of their hourly rate.
Since my brother like me was born in July, he was a zodiac cancer. I got this zodiac symbol with the years 1972 - 2010 done under it. No name, nothing else. I had it put on the upper part of my back in between the wolf and the celtic cross. Also for those keeping track this was number four in 18 months. I am running out of room for anything else.
While I was doing all this, the kid and grandma were out at the mall. I came home did a little cleaning then went over to pick her up. I got suckered into dinner. I think grandpa knew we were up to something because the kid and I both were keeping an eye on the clock. See grandma HATES with a passion RHPS and if she knew I was getting the kid involved in this world, she would go ballistic. I played it cool though. We left their house around 8 after eating way too much bad food -- heavy sauces, carbs. I tried once again to play nice and show I was eating but that was a challenge. We headed home and got ready for the show.
I had so much fun introducing the kid to everyone last night. Like five people at different times told me how wonderful she is and they can't wait for her to be part of cast. Was feeling very proud in an odd way. AND everyone on cast thought my new tattoo was a perfect way to remember my brother. See? My kind of people. Maybe they don't have anyone else or they are freaks themselves as some of you have alluded, but guess what? I could be their fucking leader. I love these people because they accept me, support me, and genuinely care about me AS I AM. That's enough for me.
Did the show and 8 of us headed out for pie. It was our biggest after show pie group ever. The kid was starting to get cranky. We got in around 4 and slept for 3 hours. Now I am off to drive her home. I don't know if I will get a chance to nap as I am going to be on the road for the next 4-6 hours depending on traffic, and then I have to get a suit ready for tomorrow. I may just suck it up, stay awake and go to bed at 8pm tonight. We shall see. Tomorrow. Fuck.
LONG day yesterday aka a show Saturday. The kid and I went out in the morning to pick up the props as we were in charge of them last night. After that I dropped her off at X1's mother's house. I have to let them see the kid. Have to play nice. After I dropped her off I went and ran some errands. Most note worthy is I went and got a new tattoo for my brother (number 11 if anyone is keeping count of the pieces of ink on my body). I wanted something simple and clean that only meant something to me. When our mother died, I got my very first tattoo to always remember her. I felt it appropriate to get one for my brother too. I told all this to the guy at the tattoo place and he told me to come back in a couple of hours and he would take care of me. I had my last one done at the same place. Because of that and the situation, he charged me half of their hourly rate.
Since my brother like me was born in July, he was a zodiac cancer. I got this zodiac symbol with the years 1972 - 2010 done under it. No name, nothing else. I had it put on the upper part of my back in between the wolf and the celtic cross. Also for those keeping track this was number four in 18 months. I am running out of room for anything else.
While I was doing all this, the kid and grandma were out at the mall. I came home did a little cleaning then went over to pick her up. I got suckered into dinner. I think grandpa knew we were up to something because the kid and I both were keeping an eye on the clock. See grandma HATES with a passion RHPS and if she knew I was getting the kid involved in this world, she would go ballistic. I played it cool though. We left their house around 8 after eating way too much bad food -- heavy sauces, carbs. I tried once again to play nice and show I was eating but that was a challenge. We headed home and got ready for the show.
I had so much fun introducing the kid to everyone last night. Like five people at different times told me how wonderful she is and they can't wait for her to be part of cast. Was feeling very proud in an odd way. AND everyone on cast thought my new tattoo was a perfect way to remember my brother. See? My kind of people. Maybe they don't have anyone else or they are freaks themselves as some of you have alluded, but guess what? I could be their fucking leader. I love these people because they accept me, support me, and genuinely care about me AS I AM. That's enough for me.
Did the show and 8 of us headed out for pie. It was our biggest after show pie group ever. The kid was starting to get cranky. We got in around 4 and slept for 3 hours. Now I am off to drive her home. I don't know if I will get a chance to nap as I am going to be on the road for the next 4-6 hours depending on traffic, and then I have to get a suit ready for tomorrow. I may just suck it up, stay awake and go to bed at 8pm tonight. We shall see. Tomorrow. Fuck.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Y2 D185
Didn't do much of anything yesterday. Took the kid to tea service in the afternoon. The mall was insane of course with all the idiots thinking they were getting deals. I couldn't believe how they were all fighting to get into one parking lot when if they just drive for another five minutes there was a completely empty lot available. Oh wait then they would have had to actually walk for a couple of minutes.
After tea we came back home and relaxed. She played Sims, I made chocolate covered peanut butter chip rice krispie squares. For dinner I made us crab roll hoagies with french fries. Those were good. we watched the Simpsons movie for the fun of it and went to bed.
That's it. That was our exciting day. Kind of nice. Still haven't heard from any of my brother's other family members. You'd think one of them would have called to see how I was doing. Whatever.
Show tonight. But it's raining which should be interesting. Today I will be cleaning the house and getting ready for the show. Oodles of excitement.
After tea we came back home and relaxed. She played Sims, I made chocolate covered peanut butter chip rice krispie squares. For dinner I made us crab roll hoagies with french fries. Those were good. we watched the Simpsons movie for the fun of it and went to bed.
That's it. That was our exciting day. Kind of nice. Still haven't heard from any of my brother's other family members. You'd think one of them would have called to see how I was doing. Whatever.
Show tonight. But it's raining which should be interesting. Today I will be cleaning the house and getting ready for the show. Oodles of excitement.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Y2 D184
Went and saw Burlesque with the kid yesterday. Then had Indian food for dinner. That's it. That was the extent of our day. Not counting watching bad moves at home. We watched Zombieland, Zombie Strippers, and Natural Born Killers. Played some video games, hung out, and talked. I am the most fortunate parent on the planet. My daughter actually talks to me. Not just eye rolling, not just wanting things, but actual communication. There, you want something I am thankful for? You got it.
I am in some pain this morning physically. The Indian food is not sitting right. Starting having cramps last night and they still haven't gone away. They need to go.
We are doing tea service today. I am looking forward to that.
I don't feel like writing much right now.
I am in some pain this morning physically. The Indian food is not sitting right. Starting having cramps last night and they still haven't gone away. They need to go.
We are doing tea service today. I am looking forward to that.
I don't feel like writing much right now.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Y2 D183
Happy thanksgiving my ass. Don't have much other than the kid in the other room to truly be thankful for right now. I started thinking yesterday what the last few years of my life have been like. Want the recap? Here we go...
Nov 2006 -- moved from one of the state to the other, sold a house I loved, gave up friends, neighbors, and a life for work. My ex leaves a job she loves to support me starting the seeds of resentment
Jan 2007 -- X2 starts suffering major physical issues, ends up on an operating room table almost dying, has to have a hysterectomy at 37 years old. No children between and there goes the only chance of having any. She pushes me away as she shuts down emotionally.
May 2007 -- I blow my Achilles. Just as I think there may be hope for my marriage, I am now laid up for six months.
Sep 2007 -- finally out of a cast and can walk, but between both of our jobs, we have become roommates. We are distant and cold to each other.
Feb 2008 -- Things are slowly rebuilding between us when my brother sues (no not the dead one, another one). Six months of fighting and paying lawyer fees sucks our marriage and my sanity dry.
Aug 2008 -- After six months of fighting I lose the lawsuit. I have spent $35,000 in legal fees and still have to give my brother $45,000. Go into major debt to do so. Cash out any savings I have and another huge wedge is shoved between us.
Oct - Dec 2008 -- The only good three months we have as a couple but the strain is still there. We both feel it. Work is starting to slip because everything that has happened has drained me emotionally.
Mar 2009 -- The fighting has reached a peak. She can't stand being in the house. She spends most of her time on the road just to be away. I become paranoid and start to lose it.
Apr 2009 -- She comes home from a business trip and tells me she wants out. April 19.
May 2009 -- We meet with the lawyer on the 3rd, begin the process on the 8th, submit papers to the court on the 21st, I move out on the 25th. I am no longer married.
Oct 2009 -- Lose my job. Find a new one, but suffer a serious pay decrease even though I still have all the debt from the lawsuit and the divorce
Jan 2010 -- Enter collections with American Express
Feb 2010 -- Give up my dog because the new job has me on the road too much
Mar 2010 -- Move right back where I started leaving friends behind once more. All alone with no one to support me.
Oct 2010 -- Lose my place in Hawaii to foreclosure because I am broke
Nov 2010 -- My brother dies.
Fuck you Thanksgiving.
Nov 2006 -- moved from one of the state to the other, sold a house I loved, gave up friends, neighbors, and a life for work. My ex leaves a job she loves to support me starting the seeds of resentment
Jan 2007 -- X2 starts suffering major physical issues, ends up on an operating room table almost dying, has to have a hysterectomy at 37 years old. No children between and there goes the only chance of having any. She pushes me away as she shuts down emotionally.
May 2007 -- I blow my Achilles. Just as I think there may be hope for my marriage, I am now laid up for six months.
Sep 2007 -- finally out of a cast and can walk, but between both of our jobs, we have become roommates. We are distant and cold to each other.
Feb 2008 -- Things are slowly rebuilding between us when my brother sues (no not the dead one, another one). Six months of fighting and paying lawyer fees sucks our marriage and my sanity dry.
Aug 2008 -- After six months of fighting I lose the lawsuit. I have spent $35,000 in legal fees and still have to give my brother $45,000. Go into major debt to do so. Cash out any savings I have and another huge wedge is shoved between us.
Oct - Dec 2008 -- The only good three months we have as a couple but the strain is still there. We both feel it. Work is starting to slip because everything that has happened has drained me emotionally.
Mar 2009 -- The fighting has reached a peak. She can't stand being in the house. She spends most of her time on the road just to be away. I become paranoid and start to lose it.
Apr 2009 -- She comes home from a business trip and tells me she wants out. April 19.
May 2009 -- We meet with the lawyer on the 3rd, begin the process on the 8th, submit papers to the court on the 21st, I move out on the 25th. I am no longer married.
Oct 2009 -- Lose my job. Find a new one, but suffer a serious pay decrease even though I still have all the debt from the lawsuit and the divorce
Jan 2010 -- Enter collections with American Express
Feb 2010 -- Give up my dog because the new job has me on the road too much
Mar 2010 -- Move right back where I started leaving friends behind once more. All alone with no one to support me.
Oct 2010 -- Lose my place in Hawaii to foreclosure because I am broke
Nov 2010 -- My brother dies.
Fuck you Thanksgiving.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Y2 D182
My brother died at 7:40pm last night.
This is the one place where I don't have to lie or play nice. The only place I can say what is really on my mind. You might not like what you're about to read, but I have to get this out.
I knew that 2am phone call was not good. I just knew it. I knew either he got a new heart or was dead. I tried texting him starting at 6am. When I didn't hear back I bit the bullet and reached out to his wife. Sometime in the middle of the night he started losing oxygen and blood to his brain. He was in a bad state. He started hallucinating, was incoherent, didn't know what was going on, and became very agitated. They ended up having to sedate him. His body was failing. She headed down at 11am to find out what was going to happen next.
Here's the fucked up part -- I didn't get a call until 4:30pm. And it was from a friend of my brother, not her. They put him on a morphine drip at noon but no one had the fucking decency to call me until 4:30?? I rushed down to the hospital to find a room full of people all staring at essentially was a dead body. They were waiting for it to expire. She didn't even acknowledge my presence. Cunt.
They were saying because of his size it could take as long as until 4am for him to go. I left around 7 to go get the kid. I had to. I needed her right then because in that room I was an outsider. The only fucking blood relative he had and I am the outsider.
At 7:40 I got the call.
How am I doing? Whatever. I have had two months to be ready for this moment. What I saw in that room last night was a group of people having their faith shattered. They were all praying for the miracle to come. I already knew it was over. I knew he wasn't going to make it through the year. Yeah, I am a heartless cold bastard. Whatever. I came to terms with it. I have had enough people die in my life that I can accept it. It hurts like a motherfucker, but I can accept death.
I made my phone calls, sent my texts, played nice. Now the hard part is being left out of all the plans and what is happening next. I know the bitch won't call me. If she causes me to miss my own brother's funeral, she will pay. Severely.
In limbo right now waiting to know what's next. The kid is here and I think we are going to see a movie today.
This is the one place where I don't have to lie or play nice. The only place I can say what is really on my mind. You might not like what you're about to read, but I have to get this out.
I knew that 2am phone call was not good. I just knew it. I knew either he got a new heart or was dead. I tried texting him starting at 6am. When I didn't hear back I bit the bullet and reached out to his wife. Sometime in the middle of the night he started losing oxygen and blood to his brain. He was in a bad state. He started hallucinating, was incoherent, didn't know what was going on, and became very agitated. They ended up having to sedate him. His body was failing. She headed down at 11am to find out what was going to happen next.
Here's the fucked up part -- I didn't get a call until 4:30pm. And it was from a friend of my brother, not her. They put him on a morphine drip at noon but no one had the fucking decency to call me until 4:30?? I rushed down to the hospital to find a room full of people all staring at essentially was a dead body. They were waiting for it to expire. She didn't even acknowledge my presence. Cunt.
They were saying because of his size it could take as long as until 4am for him to go. I left around 7 to go get the kid. I had to. I needed her right then because in that room I was an outsider. The only fucking blood relative he had and I am the outsider.
At 7:40 I got the call.
How am I doing? Whatever. I have had two months to be ready for this moment. What I saw in that room last night was a group of people having their faith shattered. They were all praying for the miracle to come. I already knew it was over. I knew he wasn't going to make it through the year. Yeah, I am a heartless cold bastard. Whatever. I came to terms with it. I have had enough people die in my life that I can accept it. It hurts like a motherfucker, but I can accept death.
I made my phone calls, sent my texts, played nice. Now the hard part is being left out of all the plans and what is happening next. I know the bitch won't call me. If she causes me to miss my own brother's funeral, she will pay. Severely.
In limbo right now waiting to know what's next. The kid is here and I think we are going to see a movie today.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Y2 D181
Prelude of things to come in tomorrow's post:
- my brother called me at 2am but didn't leave a message. That pisses me off. Now I am worried and stressed. If it was a pocket dial fine, but if it's serious he could have at least followed up with a text.
- my director texted me around 11pm after I was already in bed asking if I was up. Then this morning I see on her FB page that H1 is causing shit for her and her husband. I am NOT getting dragged into that shit again, but let's see what happens...
As for yesterday, worked 10.5 hours in order to fill the week with enough billable hours. After work I went over the hospital to visit my brother. Which is also why I am worried about his 2am phone call. I left there feeling drained and sad. Came around 8 and had a weird dinner of yogurt, mixed nuts, provolone, and tomato slices.
Went to bed.
Have a splitting fucking headache this morning and don't know why. This is going to be a day, isn't it?
- my brother called me at 2am but didn't leave a message. That pisses me off. Now I am worried and stressed. If it was a pocket dial fine, but if it's serious he could have at least followed up with a text.
- my director texted me around 11pm after I was already in bed asking if I was up. Then this morning I see on her FB page that H1 is causing shit for her and her husband. I am NOT getting dragged into that shit again, but let's see what happens...
As for yesterday, worked 10.5 hours in order to fill the week with enough billable hours. After work I went over the hospital to visit my brother. Which is also why I am worried about his 2am phone call. I left there feeling drained and sad. Came around 8 and had a weird dinner of yogurt, mixed nuts, provolone, and tomato slices.
Went to bed.
Have a splitting fucking headache this morning and don't know why. This is going to be a day, isn't it?
Monday, November 22, 2010
Y2 D180
I am so tired this morning. I can't shake the last of this cold and it kept me up most of the night coughing. I was fine when I went to bed but around 2 or 3, I just couldn't stop with the coughing. I may need to elevate my head tonight to try and sleep. On top of it my nose still has crap in it. Ugh I hate colds especially when they are just lingering.
Went over and helped my nephew with his computer yesterday. Why do people think that they can get away without backing things up and then get pissed when you tell them it will take a reformat to fix? Especially on a three year old laptop used by two kids? Do they think these things will last forever? Or at least have the smarts to yank the drive and do what I did. Put it in an external and back it up. No they expect me to magically rip the data off there without being able to get the machine turned on and working. His OS is corrupted, in the video driver is what it looks like, and yet he has no original discs, no recovery disc, etc. But I am supposed to make it work. Yeah. Sure.
After helping him, I went and cleaned the house as planned. Took care of the bathroom and the kitchen. Full top to bottom scrub including the walls and the tub. Made me feel better since the kid will be here starting tomorrow night. Once less thing I have to worry about. That took up the majority of the afternoon. Other than that, played a little video game action, watched my Sunday night cartoons, and went to bed.
Man my life is boring without young girls and booze. This is what it means to be normal I guess. I am good with this. Although maybe some booze would kill this cold. Maybe I will take a couple of shots tonight before bed to see if that helps. Or more NyQuil. That has enough alcohol in it on its own, right?
Went over and helped my nephew with his computer yesterday. Why do people think that they can get away without backing things up and then get pissed when you tell them it will take a reformat to fix? Especially on a three year old laptop used by two kids? Do they think these things will last forever? Or at least have the smarts to yank the drive and do what I did. Put it in an external and back it up. No they expect me to magically rip the data off there without being able to get the machine turned on and working. His OS is corrupted, in the video driver is what it looks like, and yet he has no original discs, no recovery disc, etc. But I am supposed to make it work. Yeah. Sure.
After helping him, I went and cleaned the house as planned. Took care of the bathroom and the kitchen. Full top to bottom scrub including the walls and the tub. Made me feel better since the kid will be here starting tomorrow night. Once less thing I have to worry about. That took up the majority of the afternoon. Other than that, played a little video game action, watched my Sunday night cartoons, and went to bed.
Man my life is boring without young girls and booze. This is what it means to be normal I guess. I am good with this. Although maybe some booze would kill this cold. Maybe I will take a couple of shots tonight before bed to see if that helps. Or more NyQuil. That has enough alcohol in it on its own, right?
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Y2 D179
Long day yesterday but stayed out of trouble. Got over to my friend's house around 9:30 to build props for the show. That was fun. Once more, I had the sense of normalcy that comes from being part of something and fitting in with other people. I know I repeat that sometimes but it is such a big thing for me that I don't know how to not be amazed when I actually am part of a group. A group that doesn't consist of co-workers or someone else's friends. These are MY friends. Who like ME. Not because I am buying them things, not because we are drinking together, not because we work together -- because we have a common interest in something that we choose to associate with each other over. Three of us headed over to Home Depot and we had a great time picking out parts, figuring out how we were going to build things - I felt so handy. We then went back and started building. I felt very proud because the design concept behind this new prop was my idea and I estimated the pieces at $157. It came out to $159 and we got a couple more pieces than I originally specced out. Another guy came over while we were building and it was just four guys hanging out in a garage with power tools. I actually fit in. Call Bateman and tell him I learned the trick. Talk little and have power tools...
We all went over to Chipotle for lunch and we noticed their trays were perfect for a couple of things in the show. We jokingly talked about 'borrowing' them. When we got back to the house I pulled two of them out of my jacket. That was a fun little adrenaline rush. Everyone had a good laugh about that. Worst case if someone caught me? I give the trays back. It was worth the chance.
Got home around 2. It was raining like crazy at that point. Just pouring. I read there was thunder and lightning but I didn't see it. Around 3 I took a little nap. At that point I knew what was going to happen and like clockwork it did. When I got up, I decided to start doing some house cleaning. I figured oh I can do a little bit and I will have less to do tomorrow. Yeah. 4 hours later... I ended up moving some furniture, totally cleaning my room, cleaning the kids room, doing laundry including hand washing some stuff, doing a sewing repair job I have been putting off, cleaned the front room, and did half the bathroom. Seriously I didn't sit down until almost 9. But I look around right now and feel good because I only have a small amount left to do today. That's worth it.
When I finally did sit down, I watched a HORRIBLE movie but for once it was bad in a good way - Human Centipede. German horror flick about a scientist who surgically attaches three people together to make a single creature. It was weird and bad, but still watchable. Went to bed around 11:30 and finally fell asleep around 1. Tossed and turned a little bit.
Today I am going over to fix my nephew's computer then finish cleaning the house.
We all went over to Chipotle for lunch and we noticed their trays were perfect for a couple of things in the show. We jokingly talked about 'borrowing' them. When we got back to the house I pulled two of them out of my jacket. That was a fun little adrenaline rush. Everyone had a good laugh about that. Worst case if someone caught me? I give the trays back. It was worth the chance.
Got home around 2. It was raining like crazy at that point. Just pouring. I read there was thunder and lightning but I didn't see it. Around 3 I took a little nap. At that point I knew what was going to happen and like clockwork it did. When I got up, I decided to start doing some house cleaning. I figured oh I can do a little bit and I will have less to do tomorrow. Yeah. 4 hours later... I ended up moving some furniture, totally cleaning my room, cleaning the kids room, doing laundry including hand washing some stuff, doing a sewing repair job I have been putting off, cleaned the front room, and did half the bathroom. Seriously I didn't sit down until almost 9. But I look around right now and feel good because I only have a small amount left to do today. That's worth it.
When I finally did sit down, I watched a HORRIBLE movie but for once it was bad in a good way - Human Centipede. German horror flick about a scientist who surgically attaches three people together to make a single creature. It was weird and bad, but still watchable. Went to bed around 11:30 and finally fell asleep around 1. Tossed and turned a little bit.
Today I am going over to fix my nephew's computer then finish cleaning the house.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Y2 D178
Do you know what I was yesterday? HAPPY. What an odd concept. Why the unexpected elation? I got my laptop back. I decided to hit the Apple store after work since yesterday was day 9. My laptop had just come back the night before. I was prepping myself for a 'we didn't fix it' moment. Instead, what I got was, looks like they had to replace quite a bit moment. I started looking over everything they replaced - logic board, top case, speaker, cable, and the bottom outside case. ALL UNDER WARRANTY. I guess they found no signs of any intentional damage. Damn skippy because there was none. So happy to have it back. Funny, I decided to keep using the desktop here at home because I realized how much I was relying on that laptop which isn't good, but now I have it back for work and that makes me very happy. I can take care of some work this weekend for a different client and get in some extra hours. I can choose to do it today and tag the hours on to this week, or Sunday and get a little boost out of the holiday week. I am going to play it by ear and see how I am feeling. Either way, my baby is back and I was on cloud nine. I had an okay day at work. It was mostly boring, I wasn't 100% engaged because it was Friday and I knew I didn't want to rush the work I had since I have to fill some time next week. My main contact is out starting yesterday and all next week. He left me with some work, but if I rush it, then I won't have any billable time until he comes back. I should be alright at this point given that I phoned it in yesterday. This is also why I am thinking I will put the other client under Sunday instead of today.
Cooked last night. Made salvadorian pupusas and cordito. Cordito is Salvadorian coleslaw meant to be eaten with the pupusas. I made chicken, bean and cheese, and plain cheese. A very inexpensive meal once you have some of the basic ingredients in the house. I wanted to see how hard it was to make and if they came out ok, I was going to do them while the kid is here next week. They did and I am. She will enjoy that. It's a fun little thing. Speaking of her, I also made us a reservation for next Friday for tea service at Neiman. My little affordable luxury. I know how much she enjoys doing tea service and this will be a nice break for both of us. I will probably do it again in December for the holidays, but I figured what the hell. $40 to make my daughter happy won't kill me.
Today is prop building day. Meeting some of the guys at home depot in a little while. This will keep me out of trouble today. Tonight I am thinking a movie night at home. Make some popcorn and relax. Tomorrow is house cleaning day unless I decided to do it this afternoon. We shall see.
Cooked last night. Made salvadorian pupusas and cordito. Cordito is Salvadorian coleslaw meant to be eaten with the pupusas. I made chicken, bean and cheese, and plain cheese. A very inexpensive meal once you have some of the basic ingredients in the house. I wanted to see how hard it was to make and if they came out ok, I was going to do them while the kid is here next week. They did and I am. She will enjoy that. It's a fun little thing. Speaking of her, I also made us a reservation for next Friday for tea service at Neiman. My little affordable luxury. I know how much she enjoys doing tea service and this will be a nice break for both of us. I will probably do it again in December for the holidays, but I figured what the hell. $40 to make my daughter happy won't kill me.
Today is prop building day. Meeting some of the guys at home depot in a little while. This will keep me out of trouble today. Tonight I am thinking a movie night at home. Make some popcorn and relax. Tomorrow is house cleaning day unless I decided to do it this afternoon. We shall see.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Y2 D177
YesterdayI posted a rant about the futility of prayer in a couple of places. I won't repeat it here because the rant itself is not important. For here, what's important is why I posted it. I am really tired of religious people. They are taking over everything with their garbage. You know I can't wait for the economy to be doing better. It's a statistical fact that attendance and expression of religion increases whenever an economy decreases. Churches use people's worry and fear to bring them in the doors. In the 80's and the late 90's religious attendance was at an all time low. Why? Because everyone was busy worshipping the almighty dollar instead of the plaster statue on the wall.
What brought all this on? Yesterday my brother in an attempt to lighten the mood posted a funny comment on his facebook page about wanting a new heart and liver for Christmas. I took his lead and posted a funny comment as well. Oh no I offended the small town small minded people!! They came out of the woodwork with their messages of prayer and positive attitude and the 'Lord' will make sure he gets his present. I think the straw that broke them was when I snarkily commented that 'if you're praying for my brother to live, then technically you are praying for someone else to die...' Didn't go over too well. But it's true dammit. In order for my brother to get a new heart and liver, someone else has to die to give it up. So his life is more important than someone else's? Pray on that.
Went out with a friend last night. Spent exactly ZERO dollars. This guy is an actual real friend and I don't have to sugar coat or lie with him. I met him at this pub and told him straight out - I am broke, unless you're picking up the tab tonight, I am having a diet coke. We talked about what's been going on and he picked up the tab. We had a couple of drinks then some Thai food. It was nice to get out and even nicer to not have to pay for anything. Is this what girls feel like on dates? Knowing they don't have to worry about paying for anything? I did enjoy listening to him talk though. His divorce is finally done and he has reached the screw everything that moves phase. I went through it year ago but he is just in the middle of it. Was cute seeing how excited he was getting laid.
Also talked to my boss for an hour last night. I mentioned the foreclosure. It finally sunk into his head the trouble I have been facing. Hopefully something positive will come of our conversation.
Haven't heard back on the laptop. Today is day 9. I may swing by the store tonight just to see if they have an update. I am hoping I get it back soon one way or another.
What brought all this on? Yesterday my brother in an attempt to lighten the mood posted a funny comment on his facebook page about wanting a new heart and liver for Christmas. I took his lead and posted a funny comment as well. Oh no I offended the small town small minded people!! They came out of the woodwork with their messages of prayer and positive attitude and the 'Lord' will make sure he gets his present. I think the straw that broke them was when I snarkily commented that 'if you're praying for my brother to live, then technically you are praying for someone else to die...' Didn't go over too well. But it's true dammit. In order for my brother to get a new heart and liver, someone else has to die to give it up. So his life is more important than someone else's? Pray on that.
Went out with a friend last night. Spent exactly ZERO dollars. This guy is an actual real friend and I don't have to sugar coat or lie with him. I met him at this pub and told him straight out - I am broke, unless you're picking up the tab tonight, I am having a diet coke. We talked about what's been going on and he picked up the tab. We had a couple of drinks then some Thai food. It was nice to get out and even nicer to not have to pay for anything. Is this what girls feel like on dates? Knowing they don't have to worry about paying for anything? I did enjoy listening to him talk though. His divorce is finally done and he has reached the screw everything that moves phase. I went through it year ago but he is just in the middle of it. Was cute seeing how excited he was getting laid.
Also talked to my boss for an hour last night. I mentioned the foreclosure. It finally sunk into his head the trouble I have been facing. Hopefully something positive will come of our conversation.
Haven't heard back on the laptop. Today is day 9. I may swing by the store tonight just to see if they have an update. I am hoping I get it back soon one way or another.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Y2 D176
I talked to my dad yesterday. He called because he hadn't heard from me in a while and was worried. 41 minutes of conversation. He means well but all he did was put me in a worse mood. He is one of these insane republican tea party the end is near kind of guys. He starts telling me how I should pack up all my stuff because there's going to be riots in California and we won't have any food on the shelves. He is telling me about how he is watching gangs enroll members in the army so they can come out and train new gang members. He really believes the apocalypse is coming and it's all the democrats and damn liberals fault. Obama is nothing but a Muslim who is going to take all our money and give to terrorist training camps! Really dad? Really? He then of course tells me how the only way I will be right is by coming to terms with Jesus. Jesus? Isn't that the kid who is out in front of home depot looking for work? OH you mean that other one. The made up fairy tale that organized religion shoves down people's throats in order to keep their flocks of sheep in line. Gotcha. Yeah, no, I am good without coming to terms. Wait, I did come to terms, a long time ago. Your religion is a crutch. A hoax. A fallacy. Pablum for the masses. No dad, I don't need religion. Nor do I need your drugs pharma companies. I refuse to fall into complacency to line your pockets with money.
I need a fucking hug.
I need a break.
I need to feel loved.
I need to be touched.
I need to know I am not as worthless, ugly, rotten, horrible, useless, fat, bald, old, stupid as I feel.
Please?
I need a fucking hug.
I need a break.
I need to feel loved.
I need to be touched.
I need to know I am not as worthless, ugly, rotten, horrible, useless, fat, bald, old, stupid as I feel.
Please?
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Y2 D175
I actually got some good news yesterday and I it was such a shock I am not sure how to react. After a year of not looking into it because I wasn't doing anything with it, I decided to try and log into the kid's 529 account. I didn't know if it was under my name or X2's name. Turns out it was a little of both. The email statements were still going to her but I was set as the account owner. Also turns out the kid has enough in there to pay for at least 2 years of the college she wants to attend including books. I may have fucked my life up all these years but at least hers will be ok for a while. I had to call X1 yesterday to get some information in order to open a new account for the kid to make sure she could get to her money. That was a fun phone call. Meh, whatever. All I know is the kid will be able to go to college without stress. That's all that matters to me right now.
Worked, went to the store to pick up some vitamins, came home, made dinner, worked on another client, went to bed. Yay boredom.
Still haven't heard back on the laptop. Today is day 7 and I am hoping I hear something today. I am not going to make any assumptions on what is going on with it because whenever I assume I usually get fucked. This cold still won't fully go away.
Today more work, then nothing. I think I have like four or five things on the DVR to watch tonight. Oh my exciting life.
Worked, went to the store to pick up some vitamins, came home, made dinner, worked on another client, went to bed. Yay boredom.
Still haven't heard back on the laptop. Today is day 7 and I am hoping I hear something today. I am not going to make any assumptions on what is going on with it because whenever I assume I usually get fucked. This cold still won't fully go away.
Today more work, then nothing. I think I have like four or five things on the DVR to watch tonight. Oh my exciting life.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Y2 D174
I had something depressing happen yesterday and I am not sure how much about it I want to share right now. I am not sure how much I even want to talk about it. I will give you the general idea but let's see where we go from there.
I was feeling like shit all day at work yesterday but I managed to make it through an 8 hour day. Barely. I got home pretty early because of it, and around 4 tossed back more NyQuil. I was starting to fall asleep on the couch when there was a knock on the door. Nobody visits me and it took me a minute to realize someone was actually knocking on my door.
It was the mailman with not one but two certified letters. Another piece of my old life has been stripped from me. Starwood has foreclosed on my place in Hawaii. I am not sure how they can foreclose on something I won for essentially back property taxes, but apparently my place is now up for auction and I am being hit with a foreclosure. Their goes any remnant of my credit. Worse part was the guilt I felt that it will also hit X2's credit. I know I shouldn't feel guilty about that part, but I do. All of this over a lousy $3000. I remember when I would blow three grand in a weekend on food and booze. Now I can't even save myself from foreclosure. I used to matter. I used to have a life. Where the hell did it go?
I was feeling like shit all day at work yesterday but I managed to make it through an 8 hour day. Barely. I got home pretty early because of it, and around 4 tossed back more NyQuil. I was starting to fall asleep on the couch when there was a knock on the door. Nobody visits me and it took me a minute to realize someone was actually knocking on my door.
It was the mailman with not one but two certified letters. Another piece of my old life has been stripped from me. Starwood has foreclosed on my place in Hawaii. I am not sure how they can foreclose on something I won for essentially back property taxes, but apparently my place is now up for auction and I am being hit with a foreclosure. Their goes any remnant of my credit. Worse part was the guilt I felt that it will also hit X2's credit. I know I shouldn't feel guilty about that part, but I do. All of this over a lousy $3000. I remember when I would blow three grand in a weekend on food and booze. Now I can't even save myself from foreclosure. I used to matter. I used to have a life. Where the hell did it go?
Monday, November 15, 2010
Y2 D173
It's morning. Ugh. This cold still isn't gone. I can feel it fading, but it's still here. Need to just hang tough this week and not run around after work. Nyquil and bed this week. Nothing else.
Couple of little things I forgot from yesterday - we had some announcements at the party about upcoming shows. Turns out the one theater we performed at for Halloween wants us to perform regularly. Starting in January the second Saturday of every other month will be for them. So now depending on the month, we will have a show 3 - 4 times a month. This should worry me, but it actually makes me very happy. This means I am less likely to get into trouble on the weekends. I will have something to look forward to almost every weekend. It will also help keep me sober. I like that. I was thinking about something yesterday - if I were to change jobs and get a new one, it would be interesting to see if I let myself get close to anyone at work now that I have this set of friends. Would I be interested in associating with any of my co-workers or would it just be something I do? The whole 'normal' thing came up because I was supposed to go to that dinner last night, but I blew it off. Two reasons, one this cold - I didn't feel up to being around strangers with a cold going on and two, I didn't want to deal with a bunch of normal people. People who would have sat around talking about silly things because they were nervous or socially awkward or what not. It's the whole square peg thing.
Visited my brother yesterday. He looks like hell. He has more machines hooked up to him than I have ever seen on someone who is supposed to be doing better. They have him on dialysis, blood cleaners, monitors; the whole nine yards. He was in decent spirits, but I can tell it is starting to wear him down. Poor guy. I also told him I would like to make peace with his wife. That's more for him than anything else. Not worth carrying around stress and if it helps him then so be it.
Cleaned the house a little, watched my Sunday night TV, went to bed. Rinse and repeat.
Couple of little things I forgot from yesterday - we had some announcements at the party about upcoming shows. Turns out the one theater we performed at for Halloween wants us to perform regularly. Starting in January the second Saturday of every other month will be for them. So now depending on the month, we will have a show 3 - 4 times a month. This should worry me, but it actually makes me very happy. This means I am less likely to get into trouble on the weekends. I will have something to look forward to almost every weekend. It will also help keep me sober. I like that. I was thinking about something yesterday - if I were to change jobs and get a new one, it would be interesting to see if I let myself get close to anyone at work now that I have this set of friends. Would I be interested in associating with any of my co-workers or would it just be something I do? The whole 'normal' thing came up because I was supposed to go to that dinner last night, but I blew it off. Two reasons, one this cold - I didn't feel up to being around strangers with a cold going on and two, I didn't want to deal with a bunch of normal people. People who would have sat around talking about silly things because they were nervous or socially awkward or what not. It's the whole square peg thing.
Visited my brother yesterday. He looks like hell. He has more machines hooked up to him than I have ever seen on someone who is supposed to be doing better. They have him on dialysis, blood cleaners, monitors; the whole nine yards. He was in decent spirits, but I can tell it is starting to wear him down. Poor guy. I also told him I would like to make peace with his wife. That's more for him than anything else. Not worth carrying around stress and if it helps him then so be it.
Cleaned the house a little, watched my Sunday night TV, went to bed. Rinse and repeat.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Y2 D172
Oh dear god I am useless this morning. I remember finishing the Campari, there's about a half a bottle of absinthe left, clothes are everywhere, but at least I woke up in my own bed alone. I didn't bring home any strays but it did seem close at one point. I mean seriously she had a starfleet academy tattoo for pete's sake!
I have no clue what time I got home last night. I didn't drive so it really didn't matter, but I am trying to piece everything together and there are some BIG gaps. Gee thanks absinthe. But I did have fun and it was 'safe' and 'responsible' fun.
What a day. Finished my last few outstanding errands, then went off to the store for my makeup appointment. So much fun sitting in the window of a store as a guy getting a makeover. So glad I could provide your saturday entertainment. You would think places like that would offer the option of semi-private areas for this sort of thing. Maybe because I'm not a girl, I don't get it. Fair enough.
Came home, got everything together to go to the party, did my nails, and then sat. I hate relying on other people for transportation, but I knew it was the smart thing. Got to the party around 8. From there things start getting blurry. We did have an awards ceremony. I won Rookie of the Year. As stupid as it sounds, it made me pretty proud. I was happy to be recognized and to really feel like I belong. These are my friends. I feel that in my heart. Not to discount any of you who I know and love, but these people are right here for me. There are a few folks I know truly like me for who I am. That's a hard thing to find.
Ok, need to pull myself together. Off to a singles dinner event tonight for one of my meetup groups. After the crowd I was with last night, this is going to be very different. Let's see how this square peg fits in that round hole...
I have no clue what time I got home last night. I didn't drive so it really didn't matter, but I am trying to piece everything together and there are some BIG gaps. Gee thanks absinthe. But I did have fun and it was 'safe' and 'responsible' fun.
What a day. Finished my last few outstanding errands, then went off to the store for my makeup appointment. So much fun sitting in the window of a store as a guy getting a makeover. So glad I could provide your saturday entertainment. You would think places like that would offer the option of semi-private areas for this sort of thing. Maybe because I'm not a girl, I don't get it. Fair enough.
Came home, got everything together to go to the party, did my nails, and then sat. I hate relying on other people for transportation, but I knew it was the smart thing. Got to the party around 8. From there things start getting blurry. We did have an awards ceremony. I won Rookie of the Year. As stupid as it sounds, it made me pretty proud. I was happy to be recognized and to really feel like I belong. These are my friends. I feel that in my heart. Not to discount any of you who I know and love, but these people are right here for me. There are a few folks I know truly like me for who I am. That's a hard thing to find.
Ok, need to pull myself together. Off to a singles dinner event tonight for one of my meetup groups. After the crowd I was with last night, this is going to be very different. Let's see how this square peg fits in that round hole...
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Y2 D171
Thank the gods for NyQuil. Saved my ass this morning. I was dying yesterday pounded the green death miracle and now the nose has stopped running, the head doesn't hurt, but the throat is dry. Fine. Dry me out and take this fucking cold with you.
Man I had a busy day yesterday. Worked for 9 1/2 hours finishing up the reports, then I went errand crazy. For tonight's party -- wait, did I mention tonight's party? The cast turned 15 last week and we worked on Halloween. Tonight we are having a combined anniversary and costume party. I am going as a super sexy slutty bunny. I have a makeup appointment at 3. This is going to blow everyone's mind since they have only seen me in jeans and t-shirts. I can't wait to see the reactions. Anyway, I needed to errands for the party. Picked up a bottle of absinthe, then hit the grocery store, then the pet store. When I got home I:
- did laundry
- made three cheesecakes
- made peanut butter maple bacon fudge
- cleaned the cat litter
- cleaned the fridge
- paid bills
- got things organized for tonight
Not bad after working all day and fighting a cold. I did more in the night than most people do all day. And here I am typing at 7am on a Saturday. I rock. My confidence is slowly returning. I don't know what it is, maybe it's the anticipation of tonight's party, but I feel more on my game today. Could just be the NyQuil and it's giant fucking Q. Meh. Either way, feel good.
Haven't heard back from Apple yet. Don't know if that's a good sign or a bad sign. I am hoping to hear something soon though. Ok, time to start this day baby! And I promise even with absinthe, campari, and gin in me tonight, I won't bring home any strays. I can't, I am not driving.
Man I had a busy day yesterday. Worked for 9 1/2 hours finishing up the reports, then I went errand crazy. For tonight's party -- wait, did I mention tonight's party? The cast turned 15 last week and we worked on Halloween. Tonight we are having a combined anniversary and costume party. I am going as a super sexy slutty bunny. I have a makeup appointment at 3. This is going to blow everyone's mind since they have only seen me in jeans and t-shirts. I can't wait to see the reactions. Anyway, I needed to errands for the party. Picked up a bottle of absinthe, then hit the grocery store, then the pet store. When I got home I:
- did laundry
- made three cheesecakes
- made peanut butter maple bacon fudge
- cleaned the cat litter
- cleaned the fridge
- paid bills
- got things organized for tonight
Not bad after working all day and fighting a cold. I did more in the night than most people do all day. And here I am typing at 7am on a Saturday. I rock. My confidence is slowly returning. I don't know what it is, maybe it's the anticipation of tonight's party, but I feel more on my game today. Could just be the NyQuil and it's giant fucking Q. Meh. Either way, feel good.
Haven't heard back from Apple yet. Don't know if that's a good sign or a bad sign. I am hoping to hear something soon though. Ok, time to start this day baby! And I promise even with absinthe, campari, and gin in me tonight, I won't bring home any strays. I can't, I am not driving.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Y2 D170
My cold has not passed yet, but I am fighting it with everything I've got. I will not let this cold ruin my weekend. I have been looking forward to this weekend for weeks now and no stupid cold will knock me out. rockstar, rockstar, rockstar.
Speaking of saying things three times, I watched Beetlejuice last night. Decided to text out the ol' PS3 and it's Netflix functions. Hey guess what? Just as usable as the Xbox version without the $60 a year. Wootness.
Work was a little stressful yesterday. I walked into a stack of changes. Turns out I totally blew a couple of the formulas which threw everything off. There are between 900 and 1500 fields on some these reports all based on the first five or six fields. If the calculations on those are even slightly off, then the whole report is off. I messed up four of the six. D'oh. That meant the whole report looked horrible because you had a report of a 1000 fields looking all wrong when it was just the first few numbers that were 'wrong'. Regardless, once we realized what had happened, it wasn't too bad to fix. Took me about 9 hours to get four of the six reports done. Two more today and then some minor cleanup. Finish the week strong.
And I am proud to say I made it to payday. I had roughly $30 in the bank since Monday. With the exception of one pack of smokes, I spent nothing all week. I had 24 in the bank last night and I made it to this morning. Now bills get paid and I will be right back where I started. I am hanging in there. Learning to live within my means. Learning to do without, make do, and do over. It's tough, but I can do it.
Don't need much this week. A little bit of groceries, some stuff for the party, and I am good. The cat needs litter, food, and the bunnies need food. I can do this dammit.
Speaking of saying things three times, I watched Beetlejuice last night. Decided to text out the ol' PS3 and it's Netflix functions. Hey guess what? Just as usable as the Xbox version without the $60 a year. Wootness.
Work was a little stressful yesterday. I walked into a stack of changes. Turns out I totally blew a couple of the formulas which threw everything off. There are between 900 and 1500 fields on some these reports all based on the first five or six fields. If the calculations on those are even slightly off, then the whole report is off. I messed up four of the six. D'oh. That meant the whole report looked horrible because you had a report of a 1000 fields looking all wrong when it was just the first few numbers that were 'wrong'. Regardless, once we realized what had happened, it wasn't too bad to fix. Took me about 9 hours to get four of the six reports done. Two more today and then some minor cleanup. Finish the week strong.
And I am proud to say I made it to payday. I had roughly $30 in the bank since Monday. With the exception of one pack of smokes, I spent nothing all week. I had 24 in the bank last night and I made it to this morning. Now bills get paid and I will be right back where I started. I am hanging in there. Learning to live within my means. Learning to do without, make do, and do over. It's tough, but I can do it.
Don't need much this week. A little bit of groceries, some stuff for the party, and I am good. The cat needs litter, food, and the bunnies need food. I can do this dammit.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Y2 D169
My head hurts. My cold has come back with a vengeance. I have way too much going on this weekend to deal with a fricking cold. Must stay warm and dry and hydrated the next couple of days to let this pass. I might break down and buy some nyquil today.
Had bad dreams last night. For the last couple of days I have been dwelling on X2. I know it's because I have been alone now for a while. My mind always wanders that when I am like this. The weird thing is my dreams were a hybrid of X1 and X2. It was supposed to be X2 telling me all these things in her world, but it was X1. It was weird. I had her phone at one point but the strange thing is I could hear my phone getting emails in the dream.
Worked yesterday. Same old shit on that front. Still haven't heard back from the Apple store on my laptop. I am hoping they fixed it and it is on its way back. Crossing fingers very tightly.
I wanted to clarify something about a comment I made yesterday. I can't count the number of people who sent me a message or a text saying I should go get a massage over a hooker. There's a big difference. With a massage it will be purely business. With a hooker they know how to pretend. They know how to make you feel like it isn't business even though it really is. Regardless, I am not planning on finding a hooker because frankly I can't afford one. Nor do I want a cheap massage. Don't go to massage envy people - they are the McDonald's of massages and it shows. They have the lowest standard for hours of training and they don't need real training. They will hire anyone off the street that wants to touch people. Very dangerous. Last thing I need is some hack fucking up my back.
No, I will ride this out. I will keep going and figure it out.
In other news, my Xbox Live Gold membership has expired and I am loathe to re-up it. I don't really see what I am paying $60 a year for in this case. The only 'feature' I really use is Netflix. But I can get that on the PS3 for free. I tested it out last night and it worked just fine. I may just see what happens when they turn off my gold features completely to see if I am really missing out on anything. I don't have any interest in doing chat, video or otherwise, so I am not sure what the big deal is for $60.
I also went over to my friend's house last night to work on some props for the show. That was fun. Made me feel like I had a real life. We fixed one of the major props. I was only gone a couple of horus, but it was enough to feel part of things.
Off to work.
Had bad dreams last night. For the last couple of days I have been dwelling on X2. I know it's because I have been alone now for a while. My mind always wanders that when I am like this. The weird thing is my dreams were a hybrid of X1 and X2. It was supposed to be X2 telling me all these things in her world, but it was X1. It was weird. I had her phone at one point but the strange thing is I could hear my phone getting emails in the dream.
Worked yesterday. Same old shit on that front. Still haven't heard back from the Apple store on my laptop. I am hoping they fixed it and it is on its way back. Crossing fingers very tightly.
I wanted to clarify something about a comment I made yesterday. I can't count the number of people who sent me a message or a text saying I should go get a massage over a hooker. There's a big difference. With a massage it will be purely business. With a hooker they know how to pretend. They know how to make you feel like it isn't business even though it really is. Regardless, I am not planning on finding a hooker because frankly I can't afford one. Nor do I want a cheap massage. Don't go to massage envy people - they are the McDonald's of massages and it shows. They have the lowest standard for hours of training and they don't need real training. They will hire anyone off the street that wants to touch people. Very dangerous. Last thing I need is some hack fucking up my back.
No, I will ride this out. I will keep going and figure it out.
In other news, my Xbox Live Gold membership has expired and I am loathe to re-up it. I don't really see what I am paying $60 a year for in this case. The only 'feature' I really use is Netflix. But I can get that on the PS3 for free. I tested it out last night and it worked just fine. I may just see what happens when they turn off my gold features completely to see if I am really missing out on anything. I don't have any interest in doing chat, video or otherwise, so I am not sure what the big deal is for $60.
I also went over to my friend's house last night to work on some props for the show. That was fun. Made me feel like I had a real life. We fixed one of the major props. I was only gone a couple of horus, but it was enough to feel part of things.
Off to work.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Y2 D168
Boring day yesterday. Little stressed about money, but I only have two days to survive until payday. I should be ok. I won't be able to eat until Friday except for weird things left in the house, nor will I be able to put gas in the car, but I am right above E and should be able to make it until Friday morning. It's going to be close, but I might be able to do it. I am trying to not resort to using the $40 some odd I have free on a credit card. I will make it.
Other than that not much else going on. Worked, came home, watched a little TV, went to bed. Started to trip a little when I went to bed about things. I think I have reached my limit of no human contact; physical contact that is. It's been what, 8 or 9 weeks now? Even I have my limits. I need some human interaction. Man I wish I had money to pay for a hooker. I know that sounds awful, but I just need some human contact. I would pay her just to sit down and give me a back rub or something benign like that. It's not about the sexual act, it's about touch. I am at the wall. Of course this is when I make stupid decisions and bring home strays. I need to be careful that I don't let my need for physical contact over shadow my need for stability and strength in my life. Tight rope act.
Other than that not much else going on. Worked, came home, watched a little TV, went to bed. Started to trip a little when I went to bed about things. I think I have reached my limit of no human contact; physical contact that is. It's been what, 8 or 9 weeks now? Even I have my limits. I need some human interaction. Man I wish I had money to pay for a hooker. I know that sounds awful, but I just need some human contact. I would pay her just to sit down and give me a back rub or something benign like that. It's not about the sexual act, it's about touch. I am at the wall. Of course this is when I make stupid decisions and bring home strays. I need to be careful that I don't let my need for physical contact over shadow my need for stability and strength in my life. Tight rope act.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Y2 D167
Yesterday was just this insane day of high and lows. A major roller coaster ride. I couldn't handle it at one point. Just felt like the walls were closing in on me. No real reason either. Just felt like it was all too much. Then later I felt great. Man maybe I am bipolar or maybe I just have too much in my head and get too wrapped up in things. I spent way too much time yesterday morning dwelling on the past. Thinking about how I used to be someone of importance. I used to consider myself legend, now I am barely visible. Listening to two hours of NIN didn't help things much either.
Had the most interesting phone call with X1 yesterday. I called her to discuss Thanksgiving plans. We decided to do a late Tuesday night pickup and then drop off Sunday. The kid will get to spend almost five full days with me this way. I noticed she was a little too eager in accepting my suggestion. I knew it was a precursor to something more. I was right. At the end of the call she told me she needed to talk to me about something but didn't have the time right then and that she would call me later. (She never called of course, but that's just her, right?) I immediately called the kid and asked her what was going on with her mother. She has a new job - close to the boyfriend's house. This means she is spending 2 days or less at home now. Basically she has completely abandoned her husband and children. The kid and I talked about it and she doesn't get how her mother is putting her own needs ahead of her family. I told her I don't understand it either, but it's just the way some people are, you can't do anything about it. I then talked to X1's husband. I asked him what was new and he told me that yep she had a new job and was never home. Him and I talked about the possibility of depositing a check directly into their joint account instead of me sending a check in X1's name. This way I can be sure that the money is going to a household account and is being used for the right things. He was okay with this and so am I. Now of course if X1 ever calls, I will need to discuss it with her. Only 7 more payments. No more child support. Almost 16 years I have been paying. I can't wait to be done. Him and I also talked about when the kid was moving out. As soon as the kid is out and child support stops, he plans to put the house up for sale. X1 is acting like the kid will stick around for a while over the summer whereas her husband, me, and the kid all know that the minute graduation is over, the truck is loaded and we are gone. We all kind of love how she is living in this massive dream world and is about to have things shattered.
Heard from my brother. He finally got approval for heart transplant. Now we just have to wait for a heart strong enough to go into his body. Hopefully that will be sooner rather than later. Just because he made it to the list doesn't mean it's like there is going to be a heart tomorrow. Some people wait years for a heart that is right for them. I am hoping this is not the case for him.
After work dropped off the laptop at the Apple store. Now I wait to see if I get it back for free, or if I am screwed. Will probably hear something in the next few days. Cross your fingers for me.
Made a steak for dinner. I needed protein dammit. A nice little new york. It was wonderful. Watched TV and went to bed. By the time I got in bed, the malaise had passed. I am doing better this morning. Maybe it was the steak, maybe it was the rain going away. Regardless, this is a new day and I am ready to face it.
Had the most interesting phone call with X1 yesterday. I called her to discuss Thanksgiving plans. We decided to do a late Tuesday night pickup and then drop off Sunday. The kid will get to spend almost five full days with me this way. I noticed she was a little too eager in accepting my suggestion. I knew it was a precursor to something more. I was right. At the end of the call she told me she needed to talk to me about something but didn't have the time right then and that she would call me later. (She never called of course, but that's just her, right?) I immediately called the kid and asked her what was going on with her mother. She has a new job - close to the boyfriend's house. This means she is spending 2 days or less at home now. Basically she has completely abandoned her husband and children. The kid and I talked about it and she doesn't get how her mother is putting her own needs ahead of her family. I told her I don't understand it either, but it's just the way some people are, you can't do anything about it. I then talked to X1's husband. I asked him what was new and he told me that yep she had a new job and was never home. Him and I talked about the possibility of depositing a check directly into their joint account instead of me sending a check in X1's name. This way I can be sure that the money is going to a household account and is being used for the right things. He was okay with this and so am I. Now of course if X1 ever calls, I will need to discuss it with her. Only 7 more payments. No more child support. Almost 16 years I have been paying. I can't wait to be done. Him and I also talked about when the kid was moving out. As soon as the kid is out and child support stops, he plans to put the house up for sale. X1 is acting like the kid will stick around for a while over the summer whereas her husband, me, and the kid all know that the minute graduation is over, the truck is loaded and we are gone. We all kind of love how she is living in this massive dream world and is about to have things shattered.
Heard from my brother. He finally got approval for heart transplant. Now we just have to wait for a heart strong enough to go into his body. Hopefully that will be sooner rather than later. Just because he made it to the list doesn't mean it's like there is going to be a heart tomorrow. Some people wait years for a heart that is right for them. I am hoping this is not the case for him.
After work dropped off the laptop at the Apple store. Now I wait to see if I get it back for free, or if I am screwed. Will probably hear something in the next few days. Cross your fingers for me.
Made a steak for dinner. I needed protein dammit. A nice little new york. It was wonderful. Watched TV and went to bed. By the time I got in bed, the malaise had passed. I am doing better this morning. Maybe it was the steak, maybe it was the rain going away. Regardless, this is a new day and I am ready to face it.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Y2 D166
Maybe it's the rain.
Maybe it's the time change.
Maybe it's my dead laptop.
Maybe it was AFV's segment on Florida.
Regardless of what it is, I felt myself slipping (tried to save myself, but myself kept slipping away) yesterday. Which is a shame since I was doing so well Friday and Saturday. But yesterday it all kind of fell apart. Went down the path of loneliness and sadness. Felt myself being unable to breathe. Felt lost. Confused. Still feel that way.
Didn't do much of anything. Went to the Apple store. They are letting me send my laptop in for review. If they open it up and don't find anything that would indicate intentional damage, they are going to fix it for free. If they find anything untoward then it's out of pocket for about $500. Worst part is I will be without a laptop for 7-10 business days. I did manage to take the hard drive out and back everything up to an external unit. At least from a data perspective I won't lose anything. Just my time and sanity. Until I get the laptop back, I am going to be functioning off an old netbook. It won't let me do any real work, but it will at least allow me to check email and the basics.
Cross your fingers for me that they fix my laptop.
Other than that I did some light cleaning, rearranged things to have the desktop in a place where I can use it regularly, went to bed. Another week begins. Same thing different week eh?
Maybe it's the time change.
Maybe it's my dead laptop.
Maybe it was AFV's segment on Florida.
Regardless of what it is, I felt myself slipping (tried to save myself, but myself kept slipping away) yesterday. Which is a shame since I was doing so well Friday and Saturday. But yesterday it all kind of fell apart. Went down the path of loneliness and sadness. Felt myself being unable to breathe. Felt lost. Confused. Still feel that way.
Didn't do much of anything. Went to the Apple store. They are letting me send my laptop in for review. If they open it up and don't find anything that would indicate intentional damage, they are going to fix it for free. If they find anything untoward then it's out of pocket for about $500. Worst part is I will be without a laptop for 7-10 business days. I did manage to take the hard drive out and back everything up to an external unit. At least from a data perspective I won't lose anything. Just my time and sanity. Until I get the laptop back, I am going to be functioning off an old netbook. It won't let me do any real work, but it will at least allow me to check email and the basics.
Cross your fingers for me that they fix my laptop.
Other than that I did some light cleaning, rearranged things to have the desktop in a place where I can use it regularly, went to bed. Another week begins. Same thing different week eh?
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Y2 D165
My laptop power button is dead. I may be up shit creek without a paddle. Yesterday after leaving the hotel I shut down my machine and when I got home, the power button would not respond. I called apple support and of course I am two weeks outside my warranty. I have an appointment at the store in a couple of hours to see how much it's going to be to repair the thing. The guy on the phone told me that if it's just the one piece he thinks it is, then they might let me slide on the warranty. Otherwise I am looking at a minimum of $300 in repair costs. I don't have $300 to spend on something like this. BUT at the same time, I can't function without a laptop. It has ALL my work related stuff on it. If they say they can't fix it for free, I am going to bring it home and try and yank the hard drive to an external enclosure and at least copy everything I need off on to somewhere else. Still doesn't give me a machine to use for work, but at least I will have the data I need. If they can't fix it for free, I am going to have to tell my bosses later today because they need to know I have no laptop. Either than can help me fix mine, give me a loaner, or buy me a 'work' laptop. One of the above. This is the downside to being part of a small company. Everyone is expected to have their own machine and be responsible for it. Really sucks ass.
After dealing with that, I took a nap. Got up and made meringue cookies for last night's show. I did something interesting with them - about halfway through the baking process, I used a syringe and injected the meringue with an apricot gel. Came out pretty good or at least everyone on cast and the random audience members I gave them to enjoyed them.
Watched a movie before I went to the theater last night, Ray Bradbury's The Illustrated Man with Rod Steiger. I own the book and have always wanted to see how they handled it in film. It was okay but not as good as I expected. I think because the book is too long and has so much detail they couldn't get that on the screen. For someone who has never read the book, they would have either loved or hated the movie because it doesn't make sense in some parts. I can see why it is not one of those must see movies even though it is one of the best books I have read. Headed out to the show around 9.
Good show last night. Another sell out standing room only show. Everyone was in a great mood on cast and we knocked it out of the park. I really feel I am finally getting my cues and movements down. People were asking me last night when and where things should go. I liked that. Since it was our 'birthday' show the director's had everyone line up and get introduced to the audience. I really felt a part of something. It felt damn good to belong.
With the hour time change last night I was feeling awake after the show and three of us headed out for post show pie. Had a gooseberry pie - weird but good. Got home around 3:30 and hit bed around 4. Feeling pretty good for 4 hours sleep.
Now just wish me luck at the apple store...
After dealing with that, I took a nap. Got up and made meringue cookies for last night's show. I did something interesting with them - about halfway through the baking process, I used a syringe and injected the meringue with an apricot gel. Came out pretty good or at least everyone on cast and the random audience members I gave them to enjoyed them.
Watched a movie before I went to the theater last night, Ray Bradbury's The Illustrated Man with Rod Steiger. I own the book and have always wanted to see how they handled it in film. It was okay but not as good as I expected. I think because the book is too long and has so much detail they couldn't get that on the screen. For someone who has never read the book, they would have either loved or hated the movie because it doesn't make sense in some parts. I can see why it is not one of those must see movies even though it is one of the best books I have read. Headed out to the show around 9.
Good show last night. Another sell out standing room only show. Everyone was in a great mood on cast and we knocked it out of the park. I really feel I am finally getting my cues and movements down. People were asking me last night when and where things should go. I liked that. Since it was our 'birthday' show the director's had everyone line up and get introduced to the audience. I really felt a part of something. It felt damn good to belong.
With the hour time change last night I was feeling awake after the show and three of us headed out for post show pie. Had a gooseberry pie - weird but good. Got home around 3:30 and hit bed around 4. Feeling pretty good for 4 hours sleep.
Now just wish me luck at the apple store...
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Y2 D164
Let's see if there are any wonky things going on as I type this. I think my left shift key is dead on this laptop. That would be really fucked up. :(
Had a great day yesterday. Worked and got a good deal accomplished. Headed down to the hotel around 2:30. I am glad I left when I did as traffic was just starting to thicken as I got right around the hotel. Nice surprise when I checked in - they upgraded me to a suite. Granted it wasn't the biggest suite I have ever had, but it made me happy. Especially if this was a suite, I would have hated a regular size room. The best part was the number of windows. 70% of the walls were glass from almost floor to ceiling. I think this is the brightest hotel room I have ever been in. Settled in and then headed over to the club where the party was happening around six. Like normal I was super early. So I started drinking. And drinking. Aaaand - well you get the idea. I ended up tossing back about 10 drinks in 5 hours last night. Not bad really. I was pretty sober when I left around 11.
The party itself was fun. My friend who agreed to join me showed up around 7:30 and we had a great time hanging out. She is a really good person. I like having her in my life. The other friend who was performing arrived around 9:30 as they went on at 10. Her boyfriend was with her and he joined us at the table. The interesting part was that her and I stood out as we were a good 5 - 10 years older than the rest of the crowd, but it was still fun. The performance happened, we shot the shit, walked her to her car and went back to the hotel. Smart decision on my part as there were cops everywhere. I forgot what's it like in a city where you have club after club. The lines of people, the skanky girls, the guys strutting around like peacocks, wow. I realized I am way too old for this shit. Can't do the whole club thing any more. I am way too old and tired to be waiting outside a club in a line for over priced drinks, nowhere to sit, and way too much noise. Knowing I had a hotel room to walk to made me feel pretty good.
Something else i thought of last night was how while waiting for the first friend, I realized that this was actually about supporting people and not just an excuse to drink or pick up some random girl. I liked that. It made me feel like I had grown up a little bit. Not much, but a little bit.
Time to check out and head home. Kitty will be yelling at me...
Had a great day yesterday. Worked and got a good deal accomplished. Headed down to the hotel around 2:30. I am glad I left when I did as traffic was just starting to thicken as I got right around the hotel. Nice surprise when I checked in - they upgraded me to a suite. Granted it wasn't the biggest suite I have ever had, but it made me happy. Especially if this was a suite, I would have hated a regular size room. The best part was the number of windows. 70% of the walls were glass from almost floor to ceiling. I think this is the brightest hotel room I have ever been in. Settled in and then headed over to the club where the party was happening around six. Like normal I was super early. So I started drinking. And drinking. Aaaand - well you get the idea. I ended up tossing back about 10 drinks in 5 hours last night. Not bad really. I was pretty sober when I left around 11.
The party itself was fun. My friend who agreed to join me showed up around 7:30 and we had a great time hanging out. She is a really good person. I like having her in my life. The other friend who was performing arrived around 9:30 as they went on at 10. Her boyfriend was with her and he joined us at the table. The interesting part was that her and I stood out as we were a good 5 - 10 years older than the rest of the crowd, but it was still fun. The performance happened, we shot the shit, walked her to her car and went back to the hotel. Smart decision on my part as there were cops everywhere. I forgot what's it like in a city where you have club after club. The lines of people, the skanky girls, the guys strutting around like peacocks, wow. I realized I am way too old for this shit. Can't do the whole club thing any more. I am way too old and tired to be waiting outside a club in a line for over priced drinks, nowhere to sit, and way too much noise. Knowing I had a hotel room to walk to made me feel pretty good.
Something else i thought of last night was how while waiting for the first friend, I realized that this was actually about supporting people and not just an excuse to drink or pick up some random girl. I liked that. It made me feel like I had grown up a little bit. Not much, but a little bit.
Time to check out and head home. Kitty will be yelling at me...
Friday, November 5, 2010
Y2 D163
Couple more weeks and we will be halfway through this year. Wow.
Had an eventful, uneventful day yesterday. It was eventful because of some things that happened in the background, but uneventful overall. Allow me to explain...
My brother is back in the hospital. His kidneys are starting to shut down from all the drugs and shit they have been pumping into him to keep his heart and liver going. As of last night they hadn't started dialysis yet because they were shoving more drugs in him to get them going on their own. Makes you kind of wonder if the cure is better than the illness? I found out he was in the hospital thanks to Facebook. That kind of irks me as this isn't the first time he has had time to post on FB but not send his own brother a quick text. Whatever. I can't hold on to anger, it's not worth it. Plus I should know better to have any expectations of people. We all know where that leads.
That was how the morning started. Nice way to get the day going, eh? Heard from T and J yesterday at different times. Nothing of any importance, just random texts along the how you doing variety, but it was still nice to hear from them.
I guess in retrospect, my brother is the only eventful thing that happened yesterday. Went to work, got through some more reporting stuff. I have to do final cleanup today. I will probably get about 75% of it done today leaving me a little bit for next week. At least I am not sitting around twiddling my thumbs. That's always worse. Oh, I did have a moment in the morning where I got all the way to the client only to realize I forgot my badge, rode back home, only to realize it was actually buried at the bottom of my bag. Frustrating.
Watched a HORRIBLE movie last night. I mean I have seen some bad things in my day, but this was awful - Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter. It had so much potential but was so poorly acted and so low-budget that it was just bad. I would love to see a reboot with better acting and updated props.Watched Big Bang and went to bed. A pretty dull day in the scope of things.
Tonight is that art event and I will be sleeping in a hotel room tonight. Oddly enough I am looking forward to it. How bizarre is that? I also found a potential costume for the party on the 13th I am going to be attending. I will know more tomorrow.
Had an eventful, uneventful day yesterday. It was eventful because of some things that happened in the background, but uneventful overall. Allow me to explain...
My brother is back in the hospital. His kidneys are starting to shut down from all the drugs and shit they have been pumping into him to keep his heart and liver going. As of last night they hadn't started dialysis yet because they were shoving more drugs in him to get them going on their own. Makes you kind of wonder if the cure is better than the illness? I found out he was in the hospital thanks to Facebook. That kind of irks me as this isn't the first time he has had time to post on FB but not send his own brother a quick text. Whatever. I can't hold on to anger, it's not worth it. Plus I should know better to have any expectations of people. We all know where that leads.
That was how the morning started. Nice way to get the day going, eh? Heard from T and J yesterday at different times. Nothing of any importance, just random texts along the how you doing variety, but it was still nice to hear from them.
I guess in retrospect, my brother is the only eventful thing that happened yesterday. Went to work, got through some more reporting stuff. I have to do final cleanup today. I will probably get about 75% of it done today leaving me a little bit for next week. At least I am not sitting around twiddling my thumbs. That's always worse. Oh, I did have a moment in the morning where I got all the way to the client only to realize I forgot my badge, rode back home, only to realize it was actually buried at the bottom of my bag. Frustrating.
Watched a HORRIBLE movie last night. I mean I have seen some bad things in my day, but this was awful - Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter. It had so much potential but was so poorly acted and so low-budget that it was just bad. I would love to see a reboot with better acting and updated props.Watched Big Bang and went to bed. A pretty dull day in the scope of things.
Tonight is that art event and I will be sleeping in a hotel room tonight. Oddly enough I am looking forward to it. How bizarre is that? I also found a potential costume for the party on the 13th I am going to be attending. I will know more tomorrow.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Y2 D162
Another boring night. Yay me. Most of the day was spent working. I got over the hurdle on the reports I was building for the client and now they are just flowing. Still some small challenges but I should have the last one complete today. This means I will need to do QA and tweaking the next few days, but the bulk of the work will be complete.
After work I went over to the mall. I found a gift card in the pocket of one of my jackets I hadn't worn in a while. Nothing like finding something free that you have forgotten about. That was kind of cool. It was for $25 to one of the clothing stores and it didn't get me much - more sleepwear as it's getting colder here every night - but it was still a fun little treat.
I finally broke down and gave up the vegetarian thing last night. When I was out at the mall I decided to hit the hamburger place near me. Oh the sweet joy of a burger. Man it was good. Tequila lime BBQ sauce with bacon and jack cheese. Damn, I missed thee burger.
Watched RHPS a little last night. I am trying to come up with a design for a new prop and I wanted to get to a specific scene to see how to build it. I think I have an idea and need to hit the home improvement store this weekend to price this out. I have to provide my directors with an estimate before I can start building. After that played some Dragon Age and went to bed. My boss tried calling me around 9 but I ignored it. Not because I didn't want to talk with him, but because it was after 9 pm. It was more a principle thing. My work day should not be from 5am until whenever they feel like it. Sorry, I have some limits.
Today the weather is supposed to be nice during the day. I think I will take the bike this morning. Of course it's cold right now and I have to balance out being warm now versus sweating later, but I can deal. I may also take the bike to the art thing tomorrow. It will save me some gas and should avoid any valet parking charges. I will gauge how cold I am this morning to determine what I do tomorrow.
After work I went over to the mall. I found a gift card in the pocket of one of my jackets I hadn't worn in a while. Nothing like finding something free that you have forgotten about. That was kind of cool. It was for $25 to one of the clothing stores and it didn't get me much - more sleepwear as it's getting colder here every night - but it was still a fun little treat.
I finally broke down and gave up the vegetarian thing last night. When I was out at the mall I decided to hit the hamburger place near me. Oh the sweet joy of a burger. Man it was good. Tequila lime BBQ sauce with bacon and jack cheese. Damn, I missed thee burger.
Watched RHPS a little last night. I am trying to come up with a design for a new prop and I wanted to get to a specific scene to see how to build it. I think I have an idea and need to hit the home improvement store this weekend to price this out. I have to provide my directors with an estimate before I can start building. After that played some Dragon Age and went to bed. My boss tried calling me around 9 but I ignored it. Not because I didn't want to talk with him, but because it was after 9 pm. It was more a principle thing. My work day should not be from 5am until whenever they feel like it. Sorry, I have some limits.
Today the weather is supposed to be nice during the day. I think I will take the bike this morning. Of course it's cold right now and I have to balance out being warm now versus sweating later, but I can deal. I may also take the bike to the art thing tomorrow. It will save me some gas and should avoid any valet parking charges. I will gauge how cold I am this morning to determine what I do tomorrow.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Y2 D161
I honestly don't know what time it was when I went to bed last night, but I know it was pretty early. I think it was around 9:15 when I got in bed. Man I am old. But after the weekend I had, I need to catch up again on sleep. I am looking at a pretty crazy weekend again this weekend and potentially next weekend too. This weekend I have a show on Saturday but on Friday I am actually going out to do something. I bring it up now because I decided to go yesterday. I constantly get invites to different 'events' on Facebook. Yesterday I got one to an art exhibit slash party on Friday night. It's about 40 miles from my house and I started waffling on if I should go or not. On one hand it would be nice to do something different than I normally do (lately or otherwise) but on the other, I don't want to drive in traffic on a Friday night, worry about drinking and driving, and then coming home late. I decided to see if I had any points left at one of the other hotel brands I use. Lo and behold I had just enough to spend the night .1 miles away from the party. Perfect. And I do mean just enough - I now have 167 points left at that brand. I booked the room. Even if I don't go to the party, at least I get a free night at a hotel. Given I haven't been on the road for a while this will be a nice little change of pace. The room includes breakfast, parking, etc so my out of pocket to stay will be zero. Even if I spent $40 on incidentals, that's better than $10,000 for a DUI, right?
Other than that little bit of info, yesterday was boring. I worked, went to target as I needed some cat stuff and some vitamins, then came home, made mac and cheese - yeah I crumpled, I like my mac and cheese dammit - watched Heroes. I FINISHED. 77 episodes done. Holy smokes. I don't like how they ended it. It was a season finale, not a series finale. It felt like the writers didn't know the show was over. That kind of sucks because too much was left open. But at least now I can say I have seen all four seasons of Heroes. What to watch now brown cow? I am still in the middle of Dragon Age. Time to go back and finish that. There are a couple of new games out that I would like possibly for Christmas (Force Unleashed II and Fallout Vegas) but I am holding to my promise of no new games until I have finished the ones I have. I still need to finish Dragon Age and Mass Effect 2 before I can even consider anything new. Oh, plus I am not quite done with Dante's Inferno. I am like right at the very end on that one. Maybe I will finish that tonight.
Today is another work day, and that's about it. I am feeling pretty good this morning. Let's see if that can last.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Y2 D160
Didn't get into bed at 8:30 like I wanted, but still managed to be in bed by 9:45. Why the delay? I got wrapped up in watching Heroes. I am so close to finishing the series it's driving me crazy. I have four episodes left and I may cave in and watch all four tonight.
Even though I went to bed later than I wanted I still managed to catch up a bit on sleep. I am still very tird, but nothing like yesterday. Yesterday was pretty uneventful. Worked for 10 hours, watched Heroes, went to bed. No drama.
Again, I have to bring up the fact that my life has been much less complicated in these last six or seven weeks because there is no booze or broads in it. Although I am at the point where I would like one or the other. I do have urges as we used to say. I would like some physical contact with someone. That is always hard to replace and I do miss it right now.
I learned yesterday I may be off to Georgia for a few days in a couple of weeks. That might be nice. Get back on the road for a few days to change things up a bit. I have been home too long. Need to get out and stretch my legs.
Maybe this weekend I will break the no broads streak. The booze? Not yet. Not ready.
Even though I went to bed later than I wanted I still managed to catch up a bit on sleep. I am still very tird, but nothing like yesterday. Yesterday was pretty uneventful. Worked for 10 hours, watched Heroes, went to bed. No drama.
Again, I have to bring up the fact that my life has been much less complicated in these last six or seven weeks because there is no booze or broads in it. Although I am at the point where I would like one or the other. I do have urges as we used to say. I would like some physical contact with someone. That is always hard to replace and I do miss it right now.
I learned yesterday I may be off to Georgia for a few days in a couple of weeks. That might be nice. Get back on the road for a few days to change things up a bit. I have been home too long. Need to get out and stretch my legs.
Maybe this weekend I will break the no broads streak. The booze? Not yet. Not ready.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Y2 D159
Three shows in 51 hours. Damn. I don't know how people who work in theater as a living do this kind of schedule with matinee shows, evening shows, etc. I can't imagine doing 5-7 shows in a weekend. I am dying after three. But last night we knocked it out of the park. We were on the money for every cue, every prop, and every line. It was a performance that rivaled our Reno show. Another sold out show with standing room only. I am so glad I started doing this. I haven't felt this much a part of something in so long. I am tired, sore and bleeding in three places, but damn if I don't feel good on the inside where it counts. I am also proud of myself that I managed to go an entire month as a vegetarian and mostly without alcohol. I did have a couple of drinks before Saturday's show because I was stressing out, but all in all, out of 31 days, I had three cocktails. That for me has got to be some kind of record. I finished up the month at 154, a total of six pounds lost. I didn't meet my goal on that issue, but still did pretty good. I now have a goal of 5 lbs for November. I think I can do it. It shouldn't be too hard as I managed to do it in October. I would like to keep the vegetarian thing going but without as much rigidity as last month. I am also going to avoid any processed carbs this month. That should knock the five pounds quickly. No mac and cheese for the next four weeks.
As to the rest of yesterday - I did manage to find time to take care of my household stuff. I paid rent, got cat food and bunny supplies, did laundry, including hand washing a few items, straightened up the house, and even vacuumed. All in all, a productive day. I am down to only 9 episodes of Heroes left to watch as well. Things are starting to get a little cheesy and I see why they only did four seasons. The story line in this last season is not as strong as it was in the first or second. I am hoping it doesn't disappoint in the end.
I can't believe another Halloween has come and gone. The kid ironically spent her weekend in a similar fashion - she went to a RHPS event on Saturday night. She did text me to tell me how the cast where she lives sucks ass and ours is a 1000 times better. Nice.
Insane weekend over, now back to regular life for 120 some odd hours until one more show next weekend. That's our 15 year anniversary show and it will sell out too.
Off to work baby.
As to the rest of yesterday - I did manage to find time to take care of my household stuff. I paid rent, got cat food and bunny supplies, did laundry, including hand washing a few items, straightened up the house, and even vacuumed. All in all, a productive day. I am down to only 9 episodes of Heroes left to watch as well. Things are starting to get a little cheesy and I see why they only did four seasons. The story line in this last season is not as strong as it was in the first or second. I am hoping it doesn't disappoint in the end.
I can't believe another Halloween has come and gone. The kid ironically spent her weekend in a similar fashion - she went to a RHPS event on Saturday night. She did text me to tell me how the cast where she lives sucks ass and ours is a 1000 times better. Nice.
Insane weekend over, now back to regular life for 120 some odd hours until one more show next weekend. That's our 15 year anniversary show and it will sell out too.
Off to work baby.
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