Blah blah blah, same old shit, nothing changes, blah blah blah.
What? That's all there is right now. Why use more words than I have to? Nothing fucking matters.
Spent the whole day inside. Weather is finally getting nicer which is some consolation. Not much, but some.
Went to bed at 8:30 after watching a bad movie from the 80s. It always amazes me when I re-watch these movies that 20 years ago I thought were great. Now I see them for the piles of shit they really are.
I did look up some community classes to try and get out of the house and do something. Of course they all started already, but I will continue to watch the sites to see when the next batch start up. I have to do something before I go insane.
Looked up how to make a hangman's noose yesterday. Easier than I thought.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Y2 D308
Well I didn't go to bed at 8 like I had hoped, but I also didn't stay up until 2:30 for the first time in days. Was in bed by 10:30. Obviously my body needed the sleep as it's now 8am. I have been up for a little while, but not much. I am going to hate when I have to actually be back on a normal client job where they expect me in the office every day. These are the days I wish I was independently wealthy and didn't have to think about it at all.
In other news...
I did tea yesterday afternoon with a friend. She has a job interview today and I am excited for her. She has the luxury of being able to interview for a job where she will be making less money, but it's something she wants to do at a company she respects. Must be nice. We had a good time at tea.
After tea I met with my tax guy. He is going over everything right now and will let me know this week how bad things are going to be. I am estimating I will owe at least another $3000 to the IRS. This would make it $5000 that I owe them total. My life just keeps getting better, doesn't it?
Had another friend text me last night. She is planning on leaving her job because the stress is starting to kill her literally. She can't eat, can't sleep, and is depressed. I know that feeling. We are meeting for drinks on Friday to review her resume.
Played Lego SW for a while last night, then went to bed. My life. Whoo.
In other news...
I did tea yesterday afternoon with a friend. She has a job interview today and I am excited for her. She has the luxury of being able to interview for a job where she will be making less money, but it's something she wants to do at a company she respects. Must be nice. We had a good time at tea.
After tea I met with my tax guy. He is going over everything right now and will let me know this week how bad things are going to be. I am estimating I will owe at least another $3000 to the IRS. This would make it $5000 that I owe them total. My life just keeps getting better, doesn't it?
Had another friend text me last night. She is planning on leaving her job because the stress is starting to kill her literally. She can't eat, can't sleep, and is depressed. I know that feeling. We are meeting for drinks on Friday to review her resume.
Played Lego SW for a while last night, then went to bed. My life. Whoo.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Y2 D307
Well going to bed by 8 didn't pan out. Not even close. Try 2:30 again. But this time I felt like it was for a good reason. I helped a buddy with a crashed laptop from 9 until 2. He and I had talked on Sunday about a problem he was having and I told him he could come over and I would see what I could do. Problem is that I figured he would be over around 5 or 6, but he couldn't get free until almost 9. It was important as it was his only computer, he didn't have a backup (they never do), and he would be out of town starting on Wednesday. Sigh. Good old Catholic guilt. Yeah, I will help you.
I spent the majority of the day not doing anything as I am still waiting for data to be loaded. The upside is I was able to have a good conversation about this particular issue with my boss and we are looking at reassigning me temporarily as this client is not ready for me yet. Whether they think they are or not. I was also able to assist him with a potential new client since I was sitting free. This new client is a little bit of a drive, but it's a winery which in itself would be fun to do. Plus there is a three day gig coming up in Monterey which would be a blast and let me get some hotel points. I am waiting to hear back on that one. That would be really fun as I could have a little mini-vacation and at the end of that week, the kid starts spring break finally and I could grab her and we would have a nice time. Crossing my fingers on that.
Around 5 I helped my co-head on tech crew move our prop vehicle to our director's house and unload a bunch of stuff as we don't need the prop van for almost a month plus. Everything we have for the shows between now and then will fit in our cars. Him and I had some nasty ass fried chicken before hand, took care of the van, then I headed right home to deal with the laptop issue.
That was my day. Nothing exciting, but got some things done, cleared my mind a little about work, and made people happy. Okay. I can handle and accept all that.
I spent the majority of the day not doing anything as I am still waiting for data to be loaded. The upside is I was able to have a good conversation about this particular issue with my boss and we are looking at reassigning me temporarily as this client is not ready for me yet. Whether they think they are or not. I was also able to assist him with a potential new client since I was sitting free. This new client is a little bit of a drive, but it's a winery which in itself would be fun to do. Plus there is a three day gig coming up in Monterey which would be a blast and let me get some hotel points. I am waiting to hear back on that one. That would be really fun as I could have a little mini-vacation and at the end of that week, the kid starts spring break finally and I could grab her and we would have a nice time. Crossing my fingers on that.
Around 5 I helped my co-head on tech crew move our prop vehicle to our director's house and unload a bunch of stuff as we don't need the prop van for almost a month plus. Everything we have for the shows between now and then will fit in our cars. Him and I had some nasty ass fried chicken before hand, took care of the van, then I headed right home to deal with the laptop issue.
That was my day. Nothing exciting, but got some things done, cleared my mind a little about work, and made people happy. Okay. I can handle and accept all that.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Y2 D306
I had an extremely long night last night. I was supposed to help shoot the movie from 7-11 at the ice cream store. I knew that 11 was being hopeful and I had figured we would be done by midnight. Yeah, right. I didn't get in until after 2. I tried to get up early this morning, but that obviously didn't work either. I am so fucking with my sleep patterns again. Thank goodness my commute this morning was from the bedroom to the computer. And double thank goodness I am still waiting for the client to load data. Otherwise? I would be so screwed right now. I am burning the candle too hard at both ends, but at the same time? I spent most of the day sitting around yesterday doing nothing. It's just everything is getting squished into the same period of time. Well tonight I am going to bed at 8. Fuck it.
Other than shooting for 6 hours last night, I did nothing else during the day. Played some lego star wars, diddled around on the computer, and that's about it. J66 is out of town right now and we only had a couple of brief exchanges.
Nothing bad in my head either. Maybe my brain is finally too tired. That would be nice.
Other than shooting for 6 hours last night, I did nothing else during the day. Played some lego star wars, diddled around on the computer, and that's about it. J66 is out of town right now and we only had a couple of brief exchanges.
Nothing bad in my head either. Maybe my brain is finally too tired. That would be nice.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Y2 D305
It fascinates me sometimes how being part of the cast and doing shows has changed me. Not always in large direct ways either. Just in some subtle ways. Like the fact that I was sitting having pie at 4 in the morning with friends. It felt right and normal. It's the little changes like this that make me pause sometimes. Some of my attitudes about things have changed too. How I look at certain people, how I sleep, etc. I feel more in tune with who I really am on the inside. I also reflect back not just on the last year, but going back 4 or 5 years ago, how damn domesticated I had become. I wasn't getting home at 4 am, I was getting up for work. Or leaving the house to be in the city on a Saturday night at 9pm versus putting on cozy clothes and watching a movie and falling asleep on the couch. I am not saying there is anything wrong with either as they both can be satisfying, but when one becomes your focus at the cost of the other and eats you alive inside, it can be a problem.
Stayed inside during the day yesterday mostly. Cleaned the bunnies, made cookies, stayed mellow for the show. I did try to take a nap yesterday afternoon and had the worst X2 dream I have had in a long time. I mean this one was photorealistic and just hit me where it hurts. We were at what was supposed to be my place and for some reason she had come into to town for work and was having a conference call. She had this 33" computer with her and was all like perfect and she started in on me about money and my lifestyle and made me feel like an idiot because I once again wasn't where SHE thought I was supposed to be. We could interpret that 9 ways to Sunday, but the easiest is how I feel like I am a disappointment to myself. She is that part of my subconscious that is upset with things and it manifests itself in my dreams as her. Do I really believe that? A little bit. There are definitely times where I feel I could have done things different.
But here I am. I am 42 year old nutcase, alone, doing live theater with a bunch of other nutjobs, and for the most part lately, happy. It is what it is.
Stayed inside during the day yesterday mostly. Cleaned the bunnies, made cookies, stayed mellow for the show. I did try to take a nap yesterday afternoon and had the worst X2 dream I have had in a long time. I mean this one was photorealistic and just hit me where it hurts. We were at what was supposed to be my place and for some reason she had come into to town for work and was having a conference call. She had this 33" computer with her and was all like perfect and she started in on me about money and my lifestyle and made me feel like an idiot because I once again wasn't where SHE thought I was supposed to be. We could interpret that 9 ways to Sunday, but the easiest is how I feel like I am a disappointment to myself. She is that part of my subconscious that is upset with things and it manifests itself in my dreams as her. Do I really believe that? A little bit. There are definitely times where I feel I could have done things different.
But here I am. I am 42 year old nutcase, alone, doing live theater with a bunch of other nutjobs, and for the most part lately, happy. It is what it is.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Y2 D304
Given that I was drinking until almost 3 and blew a .21 at around 2, the fact that I am up already is pretty damn good... Portable breathalyzers are fun...
Worked all day on an internal project because my client couldn't be bothered to load the data I needed. The downside is something I thought was only going to take me a few hours ended up taking all day. The upside is I was engaged in something all day. This was good. Plus I talked with my boss about it around 7 and he understood why it took me all day which was cool. I don't have to worry when he sees my time sheet on monday that he will thinking I am padding those hours.
I did run a couple of errands yesterday during the day. I picked up a t-square to help me cut the remaining cork for my new corkboard wall. I was looking for something to cut with like a trimmer and those things are expensive. I was not about to pay 40 or 50 for something I am going to use once a year. Instead I found a nice t-square for $10. Perfect. Got the cork cut and should be able to finish mounting today. I will just need to frame it in which I think will wait until next weekend after payday.
My director got some bad news about her brother midday. He has been in the hospital for a few weeks and I sent her a message asking if she wanted any company drinking. She decided, yes she wanted a lot of company drinking and it ended up being a last minute impromptu pajama party. I headed over to their place around 8 and we started drinking until I left at 3. God I love those people. They are so good to me. There were about 10 of us and it was a wonderful time. I needed it, they needed it, I didn't do or say anything stupid. I remember everything. A good night of debauchery.
Worked all day on an internal project because my client couldn't be bothered to load the data I needed. The downside is something I thought was only going to take me a few hours ended up taking all day. The upside is I was engaged in something all day. This was good. Plus I talked with my boss about it around 7 and he understood why it took me all day which was cool. I don't have to worry when he sees my time sheet on monday that he will thinking I am padding those hours.
I did run a couple of errands yesterday during the day. I picked up a t-square to help me cut the remaining cork for my new corkboard wall. I was looking for something to cut with like a trimmer and those things are expensive. I was not about to pay 40 or 50 for something I am going to use once a year. Instead I found a nice t-square for $10. Perfect. Got the cork cut and should be able to finish mounting today. I will just need to frame it in which I think will wait until next weekend after payday.
My director got some bad news about her brother midday. He has been in the hospital for a few weeks and I sent her a message asking if she wanted any company drinking. She decided, yes she wanted a lot of company drinking and it ended up being a last minute impromptu pajama party. I headed over to their place around 8 and we started drinking until I left at 3. God I love those people. They are so good to me. There were about 10 of us and it was a wonderful time. I needed it, they needed it, I didn't do or say anything stupid. I remember everything. A good night of debauchery.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Y2 D303
Life takes many twists and turns sometimes.
I look at where I am at right now and when I step back from it all, it's not that bad. Sure I get wrapped up in the drama of the moment, but we all do. Unless you're a zen buddhist monk, you focus on what's in front of you and the things that are affecting you at the moment. It's human nature. But the reality is, my life isn't so bad. Yes, I wish I made more money, but who can't say that? Am I struggling a little bit? Sure, but the bills are paid. I am not getting ahead right now, but things are getting paid. I can live. Not *live* but I live. Am I alone? Yes. Does it bug me? Yes. Do I do anything about it? Not really.
I have been thinking about this one. Maybe on some level I am alone right now because subconsciously I know it's good for me. Figure out me. Figure out what I am doing. Don't get me wrong, I want to get laid. Let's be blunt about that. I want some human contact. I need human physical contact. But I am also enjoying living life on my own terms.
This is nothing new, I know that. It's just good for me when I can recognize what's going on instead of succumbing to the dark side. I would rather embrace things and face them directly than hide behind something. Could I be doing more in terms of putting myself out there? Sure. Could I lower my standards? No. Sorry. Not going to happen. That is one lesson I learned hard and fast last year. Which means I am directly influencing how things turn out right now by my own actions and choices. It's not the universe or god or any of that bullshit. It's me. I do things right now that give me social interaction because if I didn't have that then things would be a lot worse. But I do and it's keeping me going. I am talking to J66 which is keeping my ego and spirits afloat. It's all good I guess is what I am trying to say…
I did get a nice surprise yesterday. The folks who I helped at the surf show over the weekend told me to pick out any one of the custom skateboards he has designed. I now have a bitchin' skateboard on its way to me. This was so unnecessary but also really cool. If it ever fucking stops raining, I might be able to use it. Plus I was able to buy a new video game yesterday. I picked up Lego Star Wars III. What can I say? If it's Lego, if it's Star Wars, or the holy combination of both, I am buying it. Played for about an hour last night. So far so good. I opted out of buying the guide book for it because I figure somebody has already done a full walkthrough online. Once I have played through enough, I will go and get all the little stuff I missed.
I do think that the weather is directly influencing how I am feeling. I see pictures of the weather in my old town and it's gorgeous. Here we have flooded streets and I can't function without a heater. Bleh. Until the sun comes out I am also trying to be good and not listen to the music that would drive my mood further into a spin.
Dinner last night was wonderful. I made myself some grilled sardines, olives, baked cheese, french bread, and fruit. Man it was good. Noshed while I played. A perfect night for me.
Today I am light on work unless my client finishes some stuff. He is frustrating me. He has too much on his plate. But as long as my bosses get that, I am cool. Plus I don't have to leave the house with this guy. Makes things good. Mostly.
I look at where I am at right now and when I step back from it all, it's not that bad. Sure I get wrapped up in the drama of the moment, but we all do. Unless you're a zen buddhist monk, you focus on what's in front of you and the things that are affecting you at the moment. It's human nature. But the reality is, my life isn't so bad. Yes, I wish I made more money, but who can't say that? Am I struggling a little bit? Sure, but the bills are paid. I am not getting ahead right now, but things are getting paid. I can live. Not *live* but I live. Am I alone? Yes. Does it bug me? Yes. Do I do anything about it? Not really.
I have been thinking about this one. Maybe on some level I am alone right now because subconsciously I know it's good for me. Figure out me. Figure out what I am doing. Don't get me wrong, I want to get laid. Let's be blunt about that. I want some human contact. I need human physical contact. But I am also enjoying living life on my own terms.
This is nothing new, I know that. It's just good for me when I can recognize what's going on instead of succumbing to the dark side. I would rather embrace things and face them directly than hide behind something. Could I be doing more in terms of putting myself out there? Sure. Could I lower my standards? No. Sorry. Not going to happen. That is one lesson I learned hard and fast last year. Which means I am directly influencing how things turn out right now by my own actions and choices. It's not the universe or god or any of that bullshit. It's me. I do things right now that give me social interaction because if I didn't have that then things would be a lot worse. But I do and it's keeping me going. I am talking to J66 which is keeping my ego and spirits afloat. It's all good I guess is what I am trying to say…
I did get a nice surprise yesterday. The folks who I helped at the surf show over the weekend told me to pick out any one of the custom skateboards he has designed. I now have a bitchin' skateboard on its way to me. This was so unnecessary but also really cool. If it ever fucking stops raining, I might be able to use it. Plus I was able to buy a new video game yesterday. I picked up Lego Star Wars III. What can I say? If it's Lego, if it's Star Wars, or the holy combination of both, I am buying it. Played for about an hour last night. So far so good. I opted out of buying the guide book for it because I figure somebody has already done a full walkthrough online. Once I have played through enough, I will go and get all the little stuff I missed.
I do think that the weather is directly influencing how I am feeling. I see pictures of the weather in my old town and it's gorgeous. Here we have flooded streets and I can't function without a heater. Bleh. Until the sun comes out I am also trying to be good and not listen to the music that would drive my mood further into a spin.
Dinner last night was wonderful. I made myself some grilled sardines, olives, baked cheese, french bread, and fruit. Man it was good. Noshed while I played. A perfect night for me.
Today I am light on work unless my client finishes some stuff. He is frustrating me. He has too much on his plate. But as long as my bosses get that, I am cool. Plus I don't have to leave the house with this guy. Makes things good. Mostly.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Y2 D302
I am so fucking sick of this weather. Why did I move? Why did I leave my nice beach community where the sun is out right now? I should be wearing shorts already, not bundled up in hoodie and thermals with a space heater between my legs. Tired of this shit. I am tired of a lot of things to be honest. Doesn't fucking matter any more.
Yeah sorry Alice, but I am feeling like I am going down the rabbit hole. Wanna follow? Let's go...
Yesterday was interesting. I had to wait for one client to get back to me with information so I decided to work on one of our side projects that my boss has been wanting me to finish. I finished it right around 6:30 and sent him an email. Ironically he told me he was just about to send an email of his own asking if it was done because he needed to use the box. Well score one point for me. Of course I should have stretched it out because today I am sitting again until I hear back from this fucking client.
Oh look there goes the noisy neighbors. Teach your fucking kids to not slam doors will you please?!?!?
Other things of interest yesterday -- had a phone interview with a new company. It's not really what I am looking for, but the funny thing was the guy on the phone knows a number of the same people I do. About five minutes into it, he says -- well since you know so and so, I don't think there's any doubt if you could do this job. Want to come in and meet us? Sure what the fuck. I am supposed to go in for a face to face next week. Upsides? More money. One office instead of travel. Downsides? Not the work I really want to be doing and it's a startup. I don't know if they will be here in a year. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, I had a phone screen with another company earlier in the day. Shows how memorable it was. They too were hot on getting me, but the problem was they are a direct competitor to my current company. I told them to call me back in a couple of weeks as I was still exploring opportunities. In both cases though, I am looking at a base increase of 20-25k. That would certainly change things for me. That's why I have to consider these roles even if the work isn't interesting to me.
Went over to my co-head's house last night to discuss some prop issues. We now have a day on the calendar set aside to build new props. Two weeks from Saturday. We need to finish this one big prop. Hopefully we can get it to 75% by that day. We shall see.
Wasn't tired so I came home and watched Johnny Mnemonic until midnight. God what a stupid movie but I still like it even after all these years. I do laugh at it now when he talks about 320gb in his head.
Frustrated. Tired. Lonely. Time to make the donuts...
Yeah sorry Alice, but I am feeling like I am going down the rabbit hole. Wanna follow? Let's go...
Yesterday was interesting. I had to wait for one client to get back to me with information so I decided to work on one of our side projects that my boss has been wanting me to finish. I finished it right around 6:30 and sent him an email. Ironically he told me he was just about to send an email of his own asking if it was done because he needed to use the box. Well score one point for me. Of course I should have stretched it out because today I am sitting again until I hear back from this fucking client.
Oh look there goes the noisy neighbors. Teach your fucking kids to not slam doors will you please?!?!?
Other things of interest yesterday -- had a phone interview with a new company. It's not really what I am looking for, but the funny thing was the guy on the phone knows a number of the same people I do. About five minutes into it, he says -- well since you know so and so, I don't think there's any doubt if you could do this job. Want to come in and meet us? Sure what the fuck. I am supposed to go in for a face to face next week. Upsides? More money. One office instead of travel. Downsides? Not the work I really want to be doing and it's a startup. I don't know if they will be here in a year. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, I had a phone screen with another company earlier in the day. Shows how memorable it was. They too were hot on getting me, but the problem was they are a direct competitor to my current company. I told them to call me back in a couple of weeks as I was still exploring opportunities. In both cases though, I am looking at a base increase of 20-25k. That would certainly change things for me. That's why I have to consider these roles even if the work isn't interesting to me.
Went over to my co-head's house last night to discuss some prop issues. We now have a day on the calendar set aside to build new props. Two weeks from Saturday. We need to finish this one big prop. Hopefully we can get it to 75% by that day. We shall see.
Wasn't tired so I came home and watched Johnny Mnemonic until midnight. God what a stupid movie but I still like it even after all these years. I do laugh at it now when he talks about 320gb in his head.
Frustrated. Tired. Lonely. Time to make the donuts...
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Y2 D301
Well at least I didn't dream about my ex-wife last night. That's something I guess. I think it's because I didn't really dream as much as I passed out. Little bit of booze in me. But not so much that I am hurting today or anything. I had friends over last night and we went through a whole lot of champagne and rum punch. It was nice having people over. I spent the day alternating between working and cooking getting prepped for their arrival. It's always nice to be working right next to the kitchen where you can start something on either side and go check the other without moving more than 10 feet. They got here about 7 and left around 11:30. A nice relaxed night of eating and chatting with friends. In my house so I didn't have to think about driving either.
Still raining. The weather is truly driving me nuts, but whatever. I am still at home and shouldn't have to drive in it until saturday so rain away baby. Next week I will be going into the office for my next set of work and then I want dry roads. Until then, have at it.
Nothing else exciting going on. The kid is going out of town this weekend for this art stuff she has been participating in recently. She is looking forward to that. Me? I have a show on Saturday and a shoot on Sunday. Otherwise, work and sitting at home. Whoooo.
Still raining. The weather is truly driving me nuts, but whatever. I am still at home and shouldn't have to drive in it until saturday so rain away baby. Next week I will be going into the office for my next set of work and then I want dry roads. Until then, have at it.
Nothing else exciting going on. The kid is going out of town this weekend for this art stuff she has been participating in recently. She is looking forward to that. Me? I have a show on Saturday and a shoot on Sunday. Otherwise, work and sitting at home. Whoooo.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Y2 D300
Only 65 days left to go and it will officially be two years since my life changed forever. Oh the excitement and joy it brings me. I cannot wait for these 65 days to be up. Yeah, sarcasm motherfucker, deal with it.
The only thing of any interest that happened yesterday is that I received a promotion on cast. I am now co-head of tech crew. Honestly nothing is really going to change because I have been acting like I am in charge for the last couple of months anyway. The only real difference is now I have the authority and approval to yell at people.
I swear to god if I dream of X2 one more night I am going to find her, kill her, and put an end to this. That or shove an ice pick through my head. Why after so long is she back in my goddamn head? Is it because we are near the two year mark? Is it because I have been talking with J66? Or? I wish I could understand my brain some days.
I did have a kind of cool moment yesterday - I had an eyebrow appointment at 5, got there with a little time to kill, so I went into the thrift store across the street. I go once a week to the thrift stores to look for props and random stuff. I noticed a very nice receiver sitting on the counter. I started looking at it and this other guy was looking at it too. We both noticed it looked way too new to be in a thrift store. This thing was a 7.1 Sony receiver with 4 HDMI inputs. This meant it was a year maybe two at the most. The thrift store wanted $55 for it. The guy and I were puzzled. Maybe it didn't work. Nope, we plugged it in, hooked up a speaker and voila. I then looked it up on Amazon. $275. It was currently selling for $275 USED. He asked me since I found it first if I wanted it. I had to debate it. Mine is almost 4 years old. I could use the HDMI connections. BUT in the end, I decided I didn't want to spend $55 and he seemed like he needed it more. He planned on reselling it for $100. Go for it dude. Take it and go. He was so excited. Nice. Felt good that I made someone's day.
Tonight I am having some dinner guests. Doing a Bahamian feast of souse, johnny cake, mahi over grits with peas, black bean and corn salad, and key lime pie. A full on feast. I am so tired of this weather that I am ignoring it and having island food. I have 11 hours to cook and work. Go.
The only thing of any interest that happened yesterday is that I received a promotion on cast. I am now co-head of tech crew. Honestly nothing is really going to change because I have been acting like I am in charge for the last couple of months anyway. The only real difference is now I have the authority and approval to yell at people.
I swear to god if I dream of X2 one more night I am going to find her, kill her, and put an end to this. That or shove an ice pick through my head. Why after so long is she back in my goddamn head? Is it because we are near the two year mark? Is it because I have been talking with J66? Or? I wish I could understand my brain some days.
I did have a kind of cool moment yesterday - I had an eyebrow appointment at 5, got there with a little time to kill, so I went into the thrift store across the street. I go once a week to the thrift stores to look for props and random stuff. I noticed a very nice receiver sitting on the counter. I started looking at it and this other guy was looking at it too. We both noticed it looked way too new to be in a thrift store. This thing was a 7.1 Sony receiver with 4 HDMI inputs. This meant it was a year maybe two at the most. The thrift store wanted $55 for it. The guy and I were puzzled. Maybe it didn't work. Nope, we plugged it in, hooked up a speaker and voila. I then looked it up on Amazon. $275. It was currently selling for $275 USED. He asked me since I found it first if I wanted it. I had to debate it. Mine is almost 4 years old. I could use the HDMI connections. BUT in the end, I decided I didn't want to spend $55 and he seemed like he needed it more. He planned on reselling it for $100. Go for it dude. Take it and go. He was so excited. Nice. Felt good that I made someone's day.
Tonight I am having some dinner guests. Doing a Bahamian feast of souse, johnny cake, mahi over grits with peas, black bean and corn salad, and key lime pie. A full on feast. I am so tired of this weather that I am ignoring it and having island food. I have 11 hours to cook and work. Go.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Y2 D299
There is something very satisfying about a clean house. I went through this place like a madman yesterday. From top to bottom, window sills, floors, edges, countertops, bathtub; you name it, I cleaned it. Felt very good when I was done. Took me almost all day, but it was definitely satisfying. I look around right now and feel like things are where they belong. That was essentially my day yesterday. Finished up cleaning around 3 or so. Then went out ran some errands, grabbed some BBQ for dinner, and relaxed. It was incredibly nice having an entire day to myself without any real obligations. From like 5 until 11, I texted a ton with J66. I also finally got to see a clear, straight on picture of her. We talked about everything and nothing in a text. I like texting because I can clearly get across what I am trying to say, but not have to be rushed to say it like over the phone. We talked about our different tattoos and explained what some of them meant. Not everything though; can't ruin all the mystery.
On a different note, today marks six fucking months since I have had any intimate human physical contact. Worse still, the last four night I have dreamt of X2. It's all the same each time. We are somewhere like a hotel or I am at home waiting for her and she comes nonchalant and basically makes me feel insignificant and like shit. Nice. And people wonder why I try to avoid sleep.
On a different note, today marks six fucking months since I have had any intimate human physical contact. Worse still, the last four night I have dreamt of X2. It's all the same each time. We are somewhere like a hotel or I am at home waiting for her and she comes nonchalant and basically makes me feel insignificant and like shit. Nice. And people wonder why I try to avoid sleep.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Y2 D298
Yesterday was this intense set of highs and lows. I was up for most of the the day but the night took a serious spiral downward and I spent most of it pissed off. I think a lot of that had to do with the weather too. It's so frustrating trying to do anything when you are getting soaked, everything you're trying to hold or move is getting soaked and nothing is going according to plan.
The morning - got to the surf show a little after 7. Was able to get in and get the badges for everyone as I was the first one checking in. The show was in a building with no power because the building had been built, but not leased out or finished really on the interior. It was perfect if you needed to setup booths and have a show, not so much if you were one of the exhibitors. They had a couple of generators running while they tried to figure out how to get power everywhere else. My buddy got there about 8 and we started unloading his van. Also his camera guy filmed everything and I will be in the episode which is kind of cool. I was really excited to see my friend and his wife. They are awesome people who I enjoy being around. Their energy levels are incredible and they have such a positive attitude about everything.The fun part of the morning was this cut I got on my nose. One of the boxes wasn't put away quite right and the lid flap was sticking where it shouldn't have been. It scraped right across my nose causing a paper cut. We all know how much fun a paper cut can be when it bleeds, especially down your face. Every two seconds someone was telling me - oh you're bleeding - but I was unloading a van and my answer was 'I don't have time to bleed'. Once we got the booth setup I went and fixed my nose. Had a great day at the show. Some fun exhibits, great people all around, and just a good vibe happening. The best part was in the morning it 'snowed'. It was enough frozen hail that it stayed on the ground and we had a mini snowball fight. They ended up getting me a really nice hoodie from the booth next door as a thank you gift. I appreciated that and will wear it today. It's done by a local artist and is soft and cozy. After the show there was a store having a huge going out of business sale. I ended up getting this huge disco ball for the kids room for $35. It's ginormous and will look so cool in there. Left the show around 5 and came home to relax before show number 2. One of my friends was with me and I made him watch 'A Serbian Film'. I scarred him for life.
We headed out around nine to get another friend and then met up with everyone at the bar for the show. The rain was coming down in buckets and we were getting soaked getting from the car to the bar, the bar to the theater, etc. It put everyone in a shitty mood from the outset. We had 100 people in the audience which doesn't make our numbers and then we of course have to pay for the loss and it could jeopardize our ability to have a show at that theater. Even though it wasn't our fault that no one wanted to leave their house and midnight to be in pouring rain.
I had to do music last night and I had never used this particular soundboard. Plus I was up in the booth and the monitor wasn't giving me an accurate reading. I was able to get sound going EXCEPT for the microphone. We didn't have the right cables, there were dead batteries in everything, all in all a total fuckup. Which wouldn't have been so bad if while I was doing that the rest of tech crew was fucking things up. There were props missing, they didn't put things in the right place, there were no cue sheets ready.
I found this all out when I came down from the booth for a sound check. It was a clusterfuck downstairs. And some how I felt it to be all my fault even though I am technically not in charge of the tech crew. Partially because I was getting yelled at for something that wasn't my fault. Yell might be a strong word but I was definitely getting a talking to about something I had no control over. That started pissing me off. I can't get the board to work right, I am not happy with my sound levels, props are missing, no one is paying attention, and I am taking heat for something I wasn't involved in at all. I don't like that. Made for a bad show in the end. I don't know what's going to come of it, but I was ready to quit last night. I haven't taken a show off in seven months. I haven't been late for a show in seven months. No one else on that crew can say that. I left the show feeling angry and frustrated. Got home around three and crashed.
I want to clean my house today and finish my DIY project. It's 10 already and I may go back and help them break down the booth. I honestly haven't decided yet. I don't have to go anywhere today and have nothing else going on, but I also don't feel like driving. I want to get my house stuff done. I wouldn't have to be there until like 3, but still. Sigh.
The morning - got to the surf show a little after 7. Was able to get in and get the badges for everyone as I was the first one checking in. The show was in a building with no power because the building had been built, but not leased out or finished really on the interior. It was perfect if you needed to setup booths and have a show, not so much if you were one of the exhibitors. They had a couple of generators running while they tried to figure out how to get power everywhere else. My buddy got there about 8 and we started unloading his van. Also his camera guy filmed everything and I will be in the episode which is kind of cool. I was really excited to see my friend and his wife. They are awesome people who I enjoy being around. Their energy levels are incredible and they have such a positive attitude about everything.The fun part of the morning was this cut I got on my nose. One of the boxes wasn't put away quite right and the lid flap was sticking where it shouldn't have been. It scraped right across my nose causing a paper cut. We all know how much fun a paper cut can be when it bleeds, especially down your face. Every two seconds someone was telling me - oh you're bleeding - but I was unloading a van and my answer was 'I don't have time to bleed'. Once we got the booth setup I went and fixed my nose. Had a great day at the show. Some fun exhibits, great people all around, and just a good vibe happening. The best part was in the morning it 'snowed'. It was enough frozen hail that it stayed on the ground and we had a mini snowball fight. They ended up getting me a really nice hoodie from the booth next door as a thank you gift. I appreciated that and will wear it today. It's done by a local artist and is soft and cozy. After the show there was a store having a huge going out of business sale. I ended up getting this huge disco ball for the kids room for $35. It's ginormous and will look so cool in there. Left the show around 5 and came home to relax before show number 2. One of my friends was with me and I made him watch 'A Serbian Film'. I scarred him for life.
We headed out around nine to get another friend and then met up with everyone at the bar for the show. The rain was coming down in buckets and we were getting soaked getting from the car to the bar, the bar to the theater, etc. It put everyone in a shitty mood from the outset. We had 100 people in the audience which doesn't make our numbers and then we of course have to pay for the loss and it could jeopardize our ability to have a show at that theater. Even though it wasn't our fault that no one wanted to leave their house and midnight to be in pouring rain.
I had to do music last night and I had never used this particular soundboard. Plus I was up in the booth and the monitor wasn't giving me an accurate reading. I was able to get sound going EXCEPT for the microphone. We didn't have the right cables, there were dead batteries in everything, all in all a total fuckup. Which wouldn't have been so bad if while I was doing that the rest of tech crew was fucking things up. There were props missing, they didn't put things in the right place, there were no cue sheets ready.
I found this all out when I came down from the booth for a sound check. It was a clusterfuck downstairs. And some how I felt it to be all my fault even though I am technically not in charge of the tech crew. Partially because I was getting yelled at for something that wasn't my fault. Yell might be a strong word but I was definitely getting a talking to about something I had no control over. That started pissing me off. I can't get the board to work right, I am not happy with my sound levels, props are missing, no one is paying attention, and I am taking heat for something I wasn't involved in at all. I don't like that. Made for a bad show in the end. I don't know what's going to come of it, but I was ready to quit last night. I haven't taken a show off in seven months. I haven't been late for a show in seven months. No one else on that crew can say that. I left the show feeling angry and frustrated. Got home around three and crashed.
I want to clean my house today and finish my DIY project. It's 10 already and I may go back and help them break down the booth. I honestly haven't decided yet. I don't have to go anywhere today and have nothing else going on, but I also don't feel like driving. I want to get my house stuff done. I wouldn't have to be there until like 3, but still. Sigh.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Y2 D297
Ironically the only day this week I've had to get up early is Saturday. That's my wonderful world kids. Everyone else sleeps today, I get up at 4:10. Go figure.
Worked all day yesterday. Since I got a late start I ended up working from 9 until about 6:30. I did get the first set of changes from the client on work I did earlier in the week which was nice. 90% of it was aesthetic which while tedious did make me feel good. If all he can find are things out of alphabetical order or naming conventions not quite right, good. I had about three things out of 12 that were real issues. But they were issues that took a little while to fix.
Paid bills as a couple had been due on Wednesday. I had to wait until Friday, but they are paid and done. I love how two of them have already sent NEXT month's statement as of this morning. They aren't due for a while, but here's the statement already. Ugh.
Took one break during the day to run to target and home depot. I picked up the supplies for my little DIY project. I think I mentioned that I am converting the entrance wall in my place to a giant cork and chalkboard. I laid down the first coat of chalkboard paint last night. I need to do a second coat sometime today which will let me lay down the cork tomorrow. Then I can trim it out and be done with it. Of course I have to leave in an hour to work a surf expo, come home, change, then head out to do Rocky. Where I will find time to lay down a coat of paint is beyond me, but miracles do happen. It needs 2 hours to dry so even if I have to wait until the morning, I can still lay it down when I get home tonight from the show, sleep and then it will be ready in the morning. I still have all day tomorrow to myself as of right now. Which means HOUSE CLEANING!
I did manage to get laundry done while I was working yesterday. Always a nice thing when working from home. Had pizza for dinner last night because I was being lazy. Talked a bit with J66. That's about it. Not a bad day, but definitely a long day.
Worked all day yesterday. Since I got a late start I ended up working from 9 until about 6:30. I did get the first set of changes from the client on work I did earlier in the week which was nice. 90% of it was aesthetic which while tedious did make me feel good. If all he can find are things out of alphabetical order or naming conventions not quite right, good. I had about three things out of 12 that were real issues. But they were issues that took a little while to fix.
Paid bills as a couple had been due on Wednesday. I had to wait until Friday, but they are paid and done. I love how two of them have already sent NEXT month's statement as of this morning. They aren't due for a while, but here's the statement already. Ugh.
Took one break during the day to run to target and home depot. I picked up the supplies for my little DIY project. I think I mentioned that I am converting the entrance wall in my place to a giant cork and chalkboard. I laid down the first coat of chalkboard paint last night. I need to do a second coat sometime today which will let me lay down the cork tomorrow. Then I can trim it out and be done with it. Of course I have to leave in an hour to work a surf expo, come home, change, then head out to do Rocky. Where I will find time to lay down a coat of paint is beyond me, but miracles do happen. It needs 2 hours to dry so even if I have to wait until the morning, I can still lay it down when I get home tonight from the show, sleep and then it will be ready in the morning. I still have all day tomorrow to myself as of right now. Which means HOUSE CLEANING!
I did manage to get laundry done while I was working yesterday. Always a nice thing when working from home. Had pizza for dinner last night because I was being lazy. Talked a bit with J66. That's about it. Not a bad day, but definitely a long day.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Y2 D296
What a long fucking day yesterday. After working all day, I headed over to the set around 4:45, took me an hour to get there, had some dinner, then arrived on location at 6:50. We didn't wrap until a little after 1. By the time I got home it was 1:40 and I didn't even make it to the bedroom. I laid down on the couch around 2 and just woke up at 8:20. Not good. I am getting a much later start to the day than I wanted. I have an early day tomorrow and want to go to bed early tonight, but I have to work all day and still have errands to run.
I had to shoot last night. We were reshooting because of my sound fuckup on Sunday. Had I not shown yesterday it would have been the douchebag of the year award. I couldn't do that. It would come back to bite me in the ass. I know it.
Did have a nice dinner. Thai food. Some good larb and then some pra ram song. That would be ground chicken in a spicy chili sauce and then chicken slices in peanut sauce with spinach and broccoli for those of you who don't eat Thai regularly.
I also managed to get a decent amount of work done yesterday. Oh and they came to fix my dishwasher. It appears to be working now. We shall see. Still haven't shaved. One of the errands I want to run today is to get some hair dye, dye the head and the beard, then shave the sideburns to a Wolverine. Why? Because I can. No other reason. If it looks dumb, I shave it all off, no harm no foul.
Ok, time to work.
I had to shoot last night. We were reshooting because of my sound fuckup on Sunday. Had I not shown yesterday it would have been the douchebag of the year award. I couldn't do that. It would come back to bite me in the ass. I know it.
Did have a nice dinner. Thai food. Some good larb and then some pra ram song. That would be ground chicken in a spicy chili sauce and then chicken slices in peanut sauce with spinach and broccoli for those of you who don't eat Thai regularly.
I also managed to get a decent amount of work done yesterday. Oh and they came to fix my dishwasher. It appears to be working now. We shall see. Still haven't shaved. One of the errands I want to run today is to get some hair dye, dye the head and the beard, then shave the sideburns to a Wolverine. Why? Because I can. No other reason. If it looks dumb, I shave it all off, no harm no foul.
Ok, time to work.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Y2 D295
Had a pretty good day yesterday. I did have some fun on FB. In the morning I found a picture of a barn taken from above that said 'JESUS IS' something. The something part was covered by a big FOR LEASE sign. The whole picture made it say: 'JESUS IS FOR LEASE'. I immediately posted that to FB and became the hit of the day. Everyone I know loved it. I am surprised I didn't get any negative comments which is kind of cool. Makes me feel better about the circle of friends I have at least.
Other than working, the only real highlight of the day was a continuation of the virtual date. Her inital by the way is, you're going to love it, J. Another J. What is it with me and women whose name starts with J?? I hereby designate her J66. Just because I am too lazy to go back and actually look up where we really are in the numbering system. J66 is what I am using. Deal.
Anyway, we didn't trade as many messages as Tuesday, but we definitely got deeper in our messages. Plus we actually talked on the phone for a few minutes. I now have a voice to put to the words. Nice.
Made a steak for dinner last night and watched Ichi the Killer. Screwy movie. I didn't sleep well and got up an hour later than I wanted today but it's ok. I have to reshoot tonight for the movie from 7-11 which is going to be rough, but the good news is I will have entire day this weekend to myself. More on that as it comes up. I don't want to jinx it.
My dishwasher is still broke. If they're not here by noon to fix it, I am going down to the management office to bitch. Really would like a dishwasher again.
Other than working, the only real highlight of the day was a continuation of the virtual date. Her inital by the way is, you're going to love it, J. Another J. What is it with me and women whose name starts with J?? I hereby designate her J66. Just because I am too lazy to go back and actually look up where we really are in the numbering system. J66 is what I am using. Deal.
Anyway, we didn't trade as many messages as Tuesday, but we definitely got deeper in our messages. Plus we actually talked on the phone for a few minutes. I now have a voice to put to the words. Nice.
Made a steak for dinner last night and watched Ichi the Killer. Screwy movie. I didn't sleep well and got up an hour later than I wanted today but it's ok. I have to reshoot tonight for the movie from 7-11 which is going to be rough, but the good news is I will have entire day this weekend to myself. More on that as it comes up. I don't want to jinx it.
My dishwasher is still broke. If they're not here by noon to fix it, I am going down to the management office to bitch. Really would like a dishwasher again.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Y2 D294
Yesterday was an interesting day. Work was pretty straight forward other than a call from my boss which kind of irked me. Last monday I had only 2 hours on my time sheet. Why? Because I waited for the client to be free to do a conference call. I knew it was coming but it also meant I couldn't really get too deep into anything else. I was also waiting for the IT guy to get back to me on a server we are building. Essentially it was a waiting day. They happen. He was all blah blah blah - need to be billable, can't have down time, we are paying you. Yeah ok. You're paying me shit. Trust me. I have been looking since putting my resume out there on Monday. So far everything that has come across my email or phone has been 20% - 30% higher than what you are paying. Sorry if my motivation levels are a little low. Of course if I say anything remotely like that to him I get the whole 'if you work more hours in a day you will get a bonus!'. You know what? Why should I work 60+ hours a week for you to get a bonus that I may or may not get where I could work between 45-50 hours somewhere else and get 30% more without fucking my life up? Seems like a no brainer to me too...
So that was the bullshit frustrating part of the day. The client was okay, gave me my next set of work and it looks like I have at least another 4 or so days working from home. Still don't have to shave.
The best part of the day was the virtual date I went on. One of my friends recommended a friend request on FB to me. I asked who this person was as I don't accept random requests. She said it was someone she introduced me to before and thought we would get along. Ok. I didn't remember her introducing us, but it was at a show when I have 1000 things going on in my head anyway. I accepted the friend request and sent a little message saying hi, we supposedly met, yadda yadda. Well that was in the morning I think around 7 or 8. We exchanged messages back and forth until about 10 last night. 20-30 messages maybe? Why didn't we just meet? Here's the kicker -- she lives in Portland. Sigh. I finally meet a girl who on paper seems perfect for me and she is in another state. Oh well. I take what I can get. Anyway, she is really nice, smart, funny, and has wicked great taste in movies, music, wine, and food. Just wish she wasn't in Portland. I sent her a message this morning in response to her last one to me at 10pm. Nothing yet but that's okay. We kind of went hard yesterday. We both agreed it was a virtual date too.
Came home, made dinner, sent messages, went to bed. Today I am home and working. The maintenance folks are supposed to come fix my dead dishwasher this morning. Let's see what time they show up. I should probably shower soon before they get here...
So that was the bullshit frustrating part of the day. The client was okay, gave me my next set of work and it looks like I have at least another 4 or so days working from home. Still don't have to shave.
The best part of the day was the virtual date I went on. One of my friends recommended a friend request on FB to me. I asked who this person was as I don't accept random requests. She said it was someone she introduced me to before and thought we would get along. Ok. I didn't remember her introducing us, but it was at a show when I have 1000 things going on in my head anyway. I accepted the friend request and sent a little message saying hi, we supposedly met, yadda yadda. Well that was in the morning I think around 7 or 8. We exchanged messages back and forth until about 10 last night. 20-30 messages maybe? Why didn't we just meet? Here's the kicker -- she lives in Portland. Sigh. I finally meet a girl who on paper seems perfect for me and she is in another state. Oh well. I take what I can get. Anyway, she is really nice, smart, funny, and has wicked great taste in movies, music, wine, and food. Just wish she wasn't in Portland. I sent her a message this morning in response to her last one to me at 10pm. Nothing yet but that's okay. We kind of went hard yesterday. We both agreed it was a virtual date too.
Came home, made dinner, sent messages, went to bed. Today I am home and working. The maintenance folks are supposed to come fix my dead dishwasher this morning. Let's see what time they show up. I should probably shower soon before they get here...
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Y2 D293
Well well, a miracle happened yesterday. My damn expense check showed up. I managed to survive until it arrived. I only had to use $50 on a credit card and that was for gas on Sunday. Man, if I could have waited one more day, but then I would have been riding the bike in the rain and probably would have died. $50 is worth not dying. Obviously I went to the bank yesterday. Also went to the fucking grocery store finally. Have food in the house again. I made some mac and cheese last night because I knew it would last me for a good three or four days. Always make things that can stretch over multiple meals whenever possible.
Other than the grocery store I didn't leave the house yesterday. I did manage to put on clothes at least. Didn't bother to shave though. I am still not going to shave. I have to be onsite for a meeting at the client today, but I am going to push my luck and go in with a fuzzy face. Fuck it. I can always say it's an experiment and it may or may not stay.
The one big thing from yesterday was I finally caved in and posted my resume. I finished updating it around 1 and had it posted out there before 1:30. By 4 I had one phone call and an email. Nice to know I am still viable. This morning I got a lead in my email that is very interesting as it's a senior management role at one of our clients. I wonder what the protocol is for that. I may call our contact there and just ask him what the role is. It could be a sticky wicket if it gets back to my bosses, but it could also work in my favor.
Oh and my dishwasher is dead. I need to call maintenance today to have someone come out and look at it. BUT before I do that, I want to clean the kitchen so they don't think I am living in squalor. I won't lie; I have been too busy lately and too damn tired. The kitchen needs a good scrubbing. I want to take the dishes I tried washing last night out first.
Ok, off to the client.
Other than the grocery store I didn't leave the house yesterday. I did manage to put on clothes at least. Didn't bother to shave though. I am still not going to shave. I have to be onsite for a meeting at the client today, but I am going to push my luck and go in with a fuzzy face. Fuck it. I can always say it's an experiment and it may or may not stay.
The one big thing from yesterday was I finally caved in and posted my resume. I finished updating it around 1 and had it posted out there before 1:30. By 4 I had one phone call and an email. Nice to know I am still viable. This morning I got a lead in my email that is very interesting as it's a senior management role at one of our clients. I wonder what the protocol is for that. I may call our contact there and just ask him what the role is. It could be a sticky wicket if it gets back to my bosses, but it could also work in my favor.
Oh and my dishwasher is dead. I need to call maintenance today to have someone come out and look at it. BUT before I do that, I want to clean the kitchen so they don't think I am living in squalor. I won't lie; I have been too busy lately and too damn tired. The kitchen needs a good scrubbing. I want to take the dishes I tried washing last night out first.
Ok, off to the client.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Y2 D292
Still not a fan of DST. Totally screwing me up this morning. It's a lot later than I wanted it to be. I even went to bed at like 9:30 to try and not have this problem. Yeah, that worked out well. Thank god I don't have to leave the house today.
It's raining again. Been raining for almost 24 hours.
I had a really bad day yesterday and the rain is part of the reason. In the morning I had to take the car because of the rain. Which meant I had to cave in and put gas in and that meant using a credit card. I am not happy about that but I had to do it. But that's cake compared to what happened later in the day. Turns out I fucked up almost 5 hours of shooting yesterday because of a battery issue. I had the wrong battery in one of the compartments on the sound equipment and only one channel was recorded most of the day. The director was so pissed I thought he was going to honestly haul off and hit me. I can understand his anger. If I had worked all day and found out some dumbass ruined everything because of a battery issue? Pissed wouldn't even start to describe it.
So now I have to live with the fact that I fucked up and have someone legitimately pissed off at me. Talk about guilt to the nth degree.
Then on top of it, X1's mother, the kid's grandmother, won't leave me alone she called like multiple times this weekend while I was busy. All for some stupid fucking picture of the kid. Yes, it's her graduation picture, but sorry, it doesn't mean much to me. She got a set of grad pictures and wants to drop one by the house. Yeah ok, when I have time. I don't really want to see her, and it's a fucking picture. I am just not sentimental enough for that kind of thing to care about a picture like this. Of course I love my kid, but I know what she looks like. And it's not like the kid cares either. I don't know what her grandmother's deal is, but it's not like the kid has had the greatest four years in high school and is nostalgic about it. I also didn't think high school was all that great and don't give a shit about these pictures. But she kept bugging me. Finally last night at 9 she calls and I tell her I am busy and I will get the picture when I get in. She wasn't happy about that. Tough shit.
I have a ton of work to do today because I have to be onsite tomorrow and I need to have enough to show to make the drive worthwhile. This is going to be a lousy day.
It's raining again. Been raining for almost 24 hours.
I had a really bad day yesterday and the rain is part of the reason. In the morning I had to take the car because of the rain. Which meant I had to cave in and put gas in and that meant using a credit card. I am not happy about that but I had to do it. But that's cake compared to what happened later in the day. Turns out I fucked up almost 5 hours of shooting yesterday because of a battery issue. I had the wrong battery in one of the compartments on the sound equipment and only one channel was recorded most of the day. The director was so pissed I thought he was going to honestly haul off and hit me. I can understand his anger. If I had worked all day and found out some dumbass ruined everything because of a battery issue? Pissed wouldn't even start to describe it.
So now I have to live with the fact that I fucked up and have someone legitimately pissed off at me. Talk about guilt to the nth degree.
Then on top of it, X1's mother, the kid's grandmother, won't leave me alone she called like multiple times this weekend while I was busy. All for some stupid fucking picture of the kid. Yes, it's her graduation picture, but sorry, it doesn't mean much to me. She got a set of grad pictures and wants to drop one by the house. Yeah ok, when I have time. I don't really want to see her, and it's a fucking picture. I am just not sentimental enough for that kind of thing to care about a picture like this. Of course I love my kid, but I know what she looks like. And it's not like the kid cares either. I don't know what her grandmother's deal is, but it's not like the kid has had the greatest four years in high school and is nostalgic about it. I also didn't think high school was all that great and don't give a shit about these pictures. But she kept bugging me. Finally last night at 9 she calls and I tell her I am busy and I will get the picture when I get in. She wasn't happy about that. Tough shit.
I have a ton of work to do today because I have to be onsite tomorrow and I need to have enough to show to make the drive worthwhile. This is going to be a lousy day.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Y2 D291
I am not a big fan of Daylight Saving Time. It really throws me off. Here we have a 10pm show which means I will get home earlier, but then I still end up losing an hour. And I have to be on set in 2 hours. I am going to have to break down this morning and put gas in the car. I have $132 free on one credit card which I am going to eat up right now with gas. I don't have much of a choice. It's too cold and there's a possibility of rain which means if I am on the motorcycle I am screwed. I have to go across a bridge this morning to get to the location and the last place I want to be is on the bike on a bridge in the rain.
Yesterday I went onsite at 8, shot until 12, was home at 1, left for the second show at 7, was home at 1. In total in 10 hours yesterday I had more human contact than I had in the five days prior. Scary.
Shooting was good in the morning. We did an outside shoot which had challenges. It was in a public area so between dogs running, sun issues, lugging equipment across a field, sound challenges, etc, it was definitely a much more engaging shoot than just sitting in a room with controlled conditions. We managed to get the scene done, but it took almost an hour longer than planned. We also had to deal with building security because they were afraid we were shooting their building. Legally they didn't have a leg to stand on because we were shooting from public area, but it was still a hassle.
Came home after shooting and took a nap. Not very relaxing for some reason, but I managed to sleep for a couple hours almost. Got up, had the last of my fruit, and then putzed around until showtime. Show was happily uneventful. It's in the most conservative theater we use. This place even does assigned seating. It was almost a sold out show and for the most part things went smooth. No major issues. I rode in the prop van which is how I avoided having to use my own gas, but it also meant I was reliant on everything being loaded and the driver being ready to go. We could have been home a half hour sooner, but it was what it was.
Off to shower. Tomorrow I am home. Still haven't shaved...
Yesterday I went onsite at 8, shot until 12, was home at 1, left for the second show at 7, was home at 1. In total in 10 hours yesterday I had more human contact than I had in the five days prior. Scary.
Shooting was good in the morning. We did an outside shoot which had challenges. It was in a public area so between dogs running, sun issues, lugging equipment across a field, sound challenges, etc, it was definitely a much more engaging shoot than just sitting in a room with controlled conditions. We managed to get the scene done, but it took almost an hour longer than planned. We also had to deal with building security because they were afraid we were shooting their building. Legally they didn't have a leg to stand on because we were shooting from public area, but it was still a hassle.
Came home after shooting and took a nap. Not very relaxing for some reason, but I managed to sleep for a couple hours almost. Got up, had the last of my fruit, and then putzed around until showtime. Show was happily uneventful. It's in the most conservative theater we use. This place even does assigned seating. It was almost a sold out show and for the most part things went smooth. No major issues. I rode in the prop van which is how I avoided having to use my own gas, but it also meant I was reliant on everything being loaded and the driver being ready to go. We could have been home a half hour sooner, but it was what it was.
Off to shower. Tomorrow I am home. Still haven't shaved...
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Y2 D290
Everywhere I look you're all I see. Just a fading fucking fucking reminder of what I used to be...
That's what I went to bed with in my head last night. Nice huh? That line and tears in my eyes. I couldn't sleep for hours. I went to bed at 11:30 and looked at the clock at 12:15 still wide awake. Still haven't bothered to shave.
Ironically, I have been able to sleep all week since I have worked from home. Today I have to get up early because I have to be on-set to shoot in two hours. I have a shoot from 8-2, then a show at 10. Then back on-set at 8 on Sunday. I have more going on outside the house this weekend than in the last five days. Sad? I have to take the motorcycle the next two days too because I have no gas in the car and can't afford any. I am probably going to freeze my ass off and get sick.
Yesterday I worked about 9 hours for the client. Sat in my little space and cranked away. I got the whole media center xbox thing working on the old laptop pretty solid at least it seems like it. I managed to have 259 NIN tracks in shuffle through the home stereo while I worked. Yeah, that was good for me. I threw some tool in the playlist too just to mix it up. Mostly because I wanted to hear Aenima given the fear of tsunami bullshit that was running rampant. In the end, our tsunami? A one foot swell through the bay. OOOOO! Run for your fucking lives!
When I was done working I watched a movie. Whoa. Didn't help my mood any that's for sure -- A Serbian Film. Wow. Intense. Fucked up. Seriously depressing. I highly recommend it to anyone who has a strong constitution. It is one deep and disturbing movie.
Talked to the kid last night. She got a hair cut and sent me a pic. Man she is turning into an adult. I almost didn't recognize her from the picture. It's amazing. She has a good adult haircut.
What else happened.... oh, I sent an online request in about test driving a new car and have been rewarded with nothing but spam calls from some con company in Florida. Funny how everything that is SHIT is in Florida, huh? Telemarketers, scam artists, evil bitches - all in Florida. Remind me never to go there. Oh wait. No worries.
That's about it, I think. I am still eating fruit mostly because it's the only thing in the house. A banana, an orange, strawberries and tomatoes mixed with balsamic, and an apple. Probably have something very similar tonight. I will be through the fruit tonight. That leaves a couple of days where I don't know what I am going to do about food. I might have to break down and eat some of the two year old canned food that's been sitting around. Maybe if I am lucky I will get botulism...
That's what I went to bed with in my head last night. Nice huh? That line and tears in my eyes. I couldn't sleep for hours. I went to bed at 11:30 and looked at the clock at 12:15 still wide awake. Still haven't bothered to shave.
Ironically, I have been able to sleep all week since I have worked from home. Today I have to get up early because I have to be on-set to shoot in two hours. I have a shoot from 8-2, then a show at 10. Then back on-set at 8 on Sunday. I have more going on outside the house this weekend than in the last five days. Sad? I have to take the motorcycle the next two days too because I have no gas in the car and can't afford any. I am probably going to freeze my ass off and get sick.
Yesterday I worked about 9 hours for the client. Sat in my little space and cranked away. I got the whole media center xbox thing working on the old laptop pretty solid at least it seems like it. I managed to have 259 NIN tracks in shuffle through the home stereo while I worked. Yeah, that was good for me. I threw some tool in the playlist too just to mix it up. Mostly because I wanted to hear Aenima given the fear of tsunami bullshit that was running rampant. In the end, our tsunami? A one foot swell through the bay. OOOOO! Run for your fucking lives!
When I was done working I watched a movie. Whoa. Didn't help my mood any that's for sure -- A Serbian Film. Wow. Intense. Fucked up. Seriously depressing. I highly recommend it to anyone who has a strong constitution. It is one deep and disturbing movie.
Talked to the kid last night. She got a hair cut and sent me a pic. Man she is turning into an adult. I almost didn't recognize her from the picture. It's amazing. She has a good adult haircut.
What else happened.... oh, I sent an online request in about test driving a new car and have been rewarded with nothing but spam calls from some con company in Florida. Funny how everything that is SHIT is in Florida, huh? Telemarketers, scam artists, evil bitches - all in Florida. Remind me never to go there. Oh wait. No worries.
That's about it, I think. I am still eating fruit mostly because it's the only thing in the house. A banana, an orange, strawberries and tomatoes mixed with balsamic, and an apple. Probably have something very similar tonight. I will be through the fruit tonight. That leaves a couple of days where I don't know what I am going to do about food. I might have to break down and eat some of the two year old canned food that's been sitting around. Maybe if I am lucky I will get botulism...
Friday, March 11, 2011
Y2 D289
Before I start whining about my pathetic life, a word of sadness and peace to everyone in Japan. My life my suck, but at least I am not dealing with an 8.8 earthquake. Jeez. I have been looking at video and watching the effects this morning and that was one hell of an earthquake. I woke up this morning to tsunami warnings where I live. Reality however is something else. Waves were ONE FOOT bigger. OH NO RUN FOR THE HILLS.
Now that I have been 'nice' my first thought while watching the news was 'Learn to swim...'. Mom's gonna fix it all soon. Mom's comin' round to put it back the way it ought to be.
Didn't leave the house again yesterday. I haven't even bothered to shave in two days. Why bother? I started talking to myself yesterday which isn't good. I don't mean pretending to be talking to the cat while really talking to myself, no I straight up was talking to myself out loud. Nice. I am losing it completely.
Why can't an earthquake hit here? Maybe it will. That would be interesting for sure. A good 7 or 8. Knock some sense into things.
(oh fuck it, time to play Aenima. It's stuck in there anyway...)
Back to my pathetic life. Yes, this is all about me. It's my fucking blog, isn't it? Anyway, worked on client shit, sat around. Did more with the old laptop in the evening. I did finish copying and organizing the pictures I recovered. In total after deleting a bunch of shit I didn't want to look at any more and getting rid of duplicates, I ended up with 37,000 pictures going as far back as 2001. 10 years ago. Look at how fat I was. Look at how much fucking hair I had. Look at how young the kid was. Look at my wife... oh wait...
I then made a backup of the drive. I have that one connected to the old laptop. A second one contains music and movies. I now have both of those situated on the laptop. Tonight when I am done working, I am going to shoehorn it all into the entertainment center and see how well it does. It is one step towards eliminating cable/satellite in the house. Once I have a little money again, I am going to get a USB TV tuner to hook up to it. That with the OTA antenna I am looking at, should get me 90% of the TV I watch currently. If I add a hulu plus account for $10 a month, then my cost goes from $89 a month (80 for dtv + 9 for netflix) to $19 (10 for hulu, 9 for netflix). Between those two, streaming live episodes from the broadcasters, and an OTA antenna I should be covered. It's a test. We shall see how it works.
Ok, done rambling. Off to work and more talking to myself.
Now that I have been 'nice' my first thought while watching the news was 'Learn to swim...'. Mom's gonna fix it all soon. Mom's comin' round to put it back the way it ought to be.
Didn't leave the house again yesterday. I haven't even bothered to shave in two days. Why bother? I started talking to myself yesterday which isn't good. I don't mean pretending to be talking to the cat while really talking to myself, no I straight up was talking to myself out loud. Nice. I am losing it completely.
Why can't an earthquake hit here? Maybe it will. That would be interesting for sure. A good 7 or 8. Knock some sense into things.
(oh fuck it, time to play Aenima. It's stuck in there anyway...)
Back to my pathetic life. Yes, this is all about me. It's my fucking blog, isn't it? Anyway, worked on client shit, sat around. Did more with the old laptop in the evening. I did finish copying and organizing the pictures I recovered. In total after deleting a bunch of shit I didn't want to look at any more and getting rid of duplicates, I ended up with 37,000 pictures going as far back as 2001. 10 years ago. Look at how fat I was. Look at how much fucking hair I had. Look at how young the kid was. Look at my wife... oh wait...
I then made a backup of the drive. I have that one connected to the old laptop. A second one contains music and movies. I now have both of those situated on the laptop. Tonight when I am done working, I am going to shoehorn it all into the entertainment center and see how well it does. It is one step towards eliminating cable/satellite in the house. Once I have a little money again, I am going to get a USB TV tuner to hook up to it. That with the OTA antenna I am looking at, should get me 90% of the TV I watch currently. If I add a hulu plus account for $10 a month, then my cost goes from $89 a month (80 for dtv + 9 for netflix) to $19 (10 for hulu, 9 for netflix). Between those two, streaming live episodes from the broadcasters, and an OTA antenna I should be covered. It's a test. We shall see how it works.
Ok, done rambling. Off to work and more talking to myself.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Y2 D288
Have you ever been so frustrated and lonely you just want to jump? I swear to God I am trying to do the best I fucking can but every time I think I am moving forward I get shot in the fucking face and slammed backwards.
Yesterday something that was SUPPOSED to be good news turned slowly into shit and I have something else going on which is stressing me the fuck out.
Remember that drive that crashed a week or two ago? The one with 10 years of pictures on it? It was sitting disassembled on the floor next to me yesterday and for shits and giggles I decided to plug it in. Wonder of wonders, it spun up! I started copying files off like a madman. This of course turned from joy to sadness as I started watching directory names transfer over. People and places I have been trying to forget crawling across the screen. Worse yet, things I used to do before. My old cars, trips I have taken, things I have done -- all floating across the screen in a taunt.
Which coupled with the other news just made things worse. Since Feb was a short month expense checks are late. They won't be here until Tues or Weds of next week. That was money I was counting on as it's my fucking money. This is money I have already spent for the company and you'd think they wouldn't sit on it. Oh wait, the company doesn't give a fuck about me...
I realized yesterday that 85% of my bills go out between the 1st and 15th. That means everything in the first paycheck of the month is allocated to bills. I have to be either very careful with the last paycheck of the month to make sure I have something left or have no unplanned bills before the 15th. In this case, both factors came into play. I had enough to pay my bills when I realized my motorcycle insurance was due on the 8th. It's a quarterly payment which is why I didn't think about it. Problem is, between that and normal bills, I will have $28 to last me until the 18th when I get paid next. And I have no gas. And I have to figure out to drive 100 miles to a client next week. I will probably have to take the motorcycle and risk freezing my ass off and possibly getting sick from the cold. As long as it doesn't rain. I also only have enough food in the house to last me until Saturday. That means that Sunday - Thursday will be very interesting days. My only salvation will be when that expense check gets here. That is $400+ which will be more than enough for gas and food. I just need to survive until it gets here. And I need to make sure nothing else unplanned goes through the bank. That's the next thing I am checking after posting this.
In other stuff, in order to keep my mind off things last night, I reformatted one of my old laptops and put Windows 7 on it. I decided I want to use it as a media center device. I have it mapped to my music, pictures, and movies directory on the mac, and then have it connected to the Xbox. This way I can use it to play movies or music straight from there. It's sitting with a long ass network cable in the living room right now. If I feel like it later, I will see about making pretty and integrating it into the rest of the entertainment center.
Yesterday something that was SUPPOSED to be good news turned slowly into shit and I have something else going on which is stressing me the fuck out.
Remember that drive that crashed a week or two ago? The one with 10 years of pictures on it? It was sitting disassembled on the floor next to me yesterday and for shits and giggles I decided to plug it in. Wonder of wonders, it spun up! I started copying files off like a madman. This of course turned from joy to sadness as I started watching directory names transfer over. People and places I have been trying to forget crawling across the screen. Worse yet, things I used to do before. My old cars, trips I have taken, things I have done -- all floating across the screen in a taunt.
Which coupled with the other news just made things worse. Since Feb was a short month expense checks are late. They won't be here until Tues or Weds of next week. That was money I was counting on as it's my fucking money. This is money I have already spent for the company and you'd think they wouldn't sit on it. Oh wait, the company doesn't give a fuck about me...
I realized yesterday that 85% of my bills go out between the 1st and 15th. That means everything in the first paycheck of the month is allocated to bills. I have to be either very careful with the last paycheck of the month to make sure I have something left or have no unplanned bills before the 15th. In this case, both factors came into play. I had enough to pay my bills when I realized my motorcycle insurance was due on the 8th. It's a quarterly payment which is why I didn't think about it. Problem is, between that and normal bills, I will have $28 to last me until the 18th when I get paid next. And I have no gas. And I have to figure out to drive 100 miles to a client next week. I will probably have to take the motorcycle and risk freezing my ass off and possibly getting sick from the cold. As long as it doesn't rain. I also only have enough food in the house to last me until Saturday. That means that Sunday - Thursday will be very interesting days. My only salvation will be when that expense check gets here. That is $400+ which will be more than enough for gas and food. I just need to survive until it gets here. And I need to make sure nothing else unplanned goes through the bank. That's the next thing I am checking after posting this.
In other stuff, in order to keep my mind off things last night, I reformatted one of my old laptops and put Windows 7 on it. I decided I want to use it as a media center device. I have it mapped to my music, pictures, and movies directory on the mac, and then have it connected to the Xbox. This way I can use it to play movies or music straight from there. It's sitting with a long ass network cable in the living room right now. If I feel like it later, I will see about making pretty and integrating it into the rest of the entertainment center.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Y2 D287
Didn't leave the house yesterday as expected. Worked all day from home. Actually worked too. I had enough to keep me busy and occupied pretty much all day. When work was done, I didn't have anywhere to go, no one to talk to, or anything else to do.
Watched a couple of movies. Getting through my instant queue finally. Watched Wasabi with Jean Reno in French, then Commando. Yes, the 1985 Schwarzenegger movie. Yes, it was still as bad as I remembered it. God the cheesy lines we used to put into movies. Oh wait. We still do.
That's it. That was my day. Day two of eating nothing but fruit. Had the same dinner last night that I did monday. Although I added an apple instead of an orange.
My boss called me just to check in. We talked for about 20 minutes and that was that. Nothing unexpected or shocking from him. The cat puked. Cleaned that up. There's my life.
Watched a couple of movies. Getting through my instant queue finally. Watched Wasabi with Jean Reno in French, then Commando. Yes, the 1985 Schwarzenegger movie. Yes, it was still as bad as I remembered it. God the cheesy lines we used to put into movies. Oh wait. We still do.
That's it. That was my day. Day two of eating nothing but fruit. Had the same dinner last night that I did monday. Although I added an apple instead of an orange.
My boss called me just to check in. We talked for about 20 minutes and that was that. Nothing unexpected or shocking from him. The cat puked. Cleaned that up. There's my life.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Y2 D286
The way I have some mirrors mounted on the wall and with the rearranging of chairs I did recently has created an interesting effect. When I sit in one chair at night, I see the reflection of the street lights in the mirrors. But because they are individual mirrors, the light is broken and choppy. It's a distorted reflection which looks altogether unreal. Reminds me of myself. A reflection of something not all there and not quite real.
Didn't leave the house yesterday. Nor will I today probably. The client agreed to do our meeting remotely thank goodness because it ended up being 1/2 hour in length. If I had driven 100 miles for a half hour meeting I would have been on serious edge. Instead I was able to stay in the house and save my gas. This is a good thing. I am on the edge of how much money is in the bank right now. All the bills have been paid, but not all of them have been processed. That drives me nuts when the payments have been made but they haven't taken there money out yet. I must have checked the balance in my checking account four times yesterday.
Watched a movie last night. The Answer Man with Jeff Daniels. It wasn't bad. A little independent comedy which was pretty compelling. It held my interest for the whole 90 minutes. Can't ask for more than that.
Off to work. In other words, off to close this window and open another...
Didn't leave the house yesterday. Nor will I today probably. The client agreed to do our meeting remotely thank goodness because it ended up being 1/2 hour in length. If I had driven 100 miles for a half hour meeting I would have been on serious edge. Instead I was able to stay in the house and save my gas. This is a good thing. I am on the edge of how much money is in the bank right now. All the bills have been paid, but not all of them have been processed. That drives me nuts when the payments have been made but they haven't taken there money out yet. I must have checked the balance in my checking account four times yesterday.
Watched a movie last night. The Answer Man with Jeff Daniels. It wasn't bad. A little independent comedy which was pretty compelling. It held my interest for the whole 90 minutes. Can't ask for more than that.
Off to work. In other words, off to close this window and open another...
Monday, March 7, 2011
Y2 D285
80 days to go until this year's worth of adventures is over. Huh.
Yesterday was a movie day. After the shoot had been canceled at 6am, I knew it was going to be a long day of doing much of nothing. I had intentionally taken care of everything else because I knew I would be busy the rest of the day. Nope, not any more.
I went to the grocery store around 7am. For the next week I am doing a bit of a detox. Trying to get all the caffeine out of my system. For one week I am doing nothing but fresh fruit and water. No Rockstar. No carbs. No nothing. Just a full system flush. Got some apples, bananas, strawberries, peaches, and tomatoes at the store. That will be what I live on for the next week. I did look up some good recipes for grilled peaches and the like. Found one for bananas which I think I will try tonight.
After the grocery store I said screw it and went back to sleep for two hours. Why not? I knew I didn't have anything else to do. Woke up and from there it became movie day. I watched:
The Mechanic (the original with Chuck Bronson thank you very much)
Bloodspell (a really bad Troma horror movie from the 80s)
Fetishes (a somewhat ok documentary on an S&M club in NY)
District 9 (awesome movie)
All the while I folded newspapers for the cast. I managed to get through 370. The goal is 1000. I heard from my directors. Her brother is not doing well at all. They had to drill a hole in his head which may have led to a stroke. They are still waiting to see how things come out. I know the pain she is going through with a sick brother that's for sure.
Had leftover chinese food for dinner - my last solid meal for a week. Watched animation shows, went to bed. Another exciting lonely night.
Yesterday was a movie day. After the shoot had been canceled at 6am, I knew it was going to be a long day of doing much of nothing. I had intentionally taken care of everything else because I knew I would be busy the rest of the day. Nope, not any more.
I went to the grocery store around 7am. For the next week I am doing a bit of a detox. Trying to get all the caffeine out of my system. For one week I am doing nothing but fresh fruit and water. No Rockstar. No carbs. No nothing. Just a full system flush. Got some apples, bananas, strawberries, peaches, and tomatoes at the store. That will be what I live on for the next week. I did look up some good recipes for grilled peaches and the like. Found one for bananas which I think I will try tonight.
After the grocery store I said screw it and went back to sleep for two hours. Why not? I knew I didn't have anything else to do. Woke up and from there it became movie day. I watched:
The Mechanic (the original with Chuck Bronson thank you very much)
Bloodspell (a really bad Troma horror movie from the 80s)
Fetishes (a somewhat ok documentary on an S&M club in NY)
District 9 (awesome movie)
All the while I folded newspapers for the cast. I managed to get through 370. The goal is 1000. I heard from my directors. Her brother is not doing well at all. They had to drill a hole in his head which may have led to a stroke. They are still waiting to see how things come out. I know the pain she is going through with a sick brother that's for sure.
Had leftover chinese food for dinner - my last solid meal for a week. Watched animation shows, went to bed. Another exciting lonely night.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Y2 D284
This was about to be a rushed post, but not any more. Because of weather, my movie shoot was canceled just a few minutes ago. I could have actually slept. Damn. Oh well.
Spent the day yesterday cleaning house. Paying bills. Running errands. Everything I promised I would do, I did. I am now broke until the middle of the month, but rent is paid, all the credit cards are paid, etc. I have a roof over my head and no one beating down my door.
Plus my house is clean. I even cleaned the fireplace yesterday. Because of the weather (again), I have been using my fireplace a lot lately. There were huge piles of ash in there. They are no more. The bathroom is shiny, the kitchen is clean, and the whole place is presentable if someone were to come over. Oh wait. No one comes over...
Self-loathing aside...
I met up with one of my meetup groups last night before the show. I was mildly impressed at the turnout. We had seven people rsvp and six actually showed. Not bad. I hedged my bets and invited cast to join me at the pub as well just in case no one from the meetup actually showed. In the end, I had six meetup and four cast. Nice. Actually drank beer last night. Something I haven't done in a while. I am going to be paying for those calories at some point. After the pub we went and had a light chinese meal before the show. The show went well. Our director got a call pre-show her brother was in the hospital, which made her stressed. I think they left right after the show to where he is about 250 miles away. Haven't heard any recent news.
Got home around three and laid down on the couch for a couple of hours and here we are. Going to do some grocery shopping today. Starting tomorrow I am on a one week fast of nothing but fruit and water. Need to get some fruit...
Spent the day yesterday cleaning house. Paying bills. Running errands. Everything I promised I would do, I did. I am now broke until the middle of the month, but rent is paid, all the credit cards are paid, etc. I have a roof over my head and no one beating down my door.
Plus my house is clean. I even cleaned the fireplace yesterday. Because of the weather (again), I have been using my fireplace a lot lately. There were huge piles of ash in there. They are no more. The bathroom is shiny, the kitchen is clean, and the whole place is presentable if someone were to come over. Oh wait. No one comes over...
Self-loathing aside...
I met up with one of my meetup groups last night before the show. I was mildly impressed at the turnout. We had seven people rsvp and six actually showed. Not bad. I hedged my bets and invited cast to join me at the pub as well just in case no one from the meetup actually showed. In the end, I had six meetup and four cast. Nice. Actually drank beer last night. Something I haven't done in a while. I am going to be paying for those calories at some point. After the pub we went and had a light chinese meal before the show. The show went well. Our director got a call pre-show her brother was in the hospital, which made her stressed. I think they left right after the show to where he is about 250 miles away. Haven't heard any recent news.
Got home around three and laid down on the couch for a couple of hours and here we are. Going to do some grocery shopping today. Starting tomorrow I am on a one week fast of nothing but fruit and water. Need to get some fruit...
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Y2 D283
Had a decent day yesterday. Worked on site for a client which included doing a training class and writing a bunch of automation scripts. That was enjoyable. I like this client and while I wish they were a little closer, their personality and environment makes up for the distance. I always feel like I am valued when I visit them.
While I was there, I got an email from a friend in the old neighborhood. They are going to be doing an expo here in a couple of weeks and they were looking for help to work the booth. In two weeks I will be working a surf expo. Neat.
Left there around 2 and came home to handle household crap. On the way, I got a text from my director. She invited me over to a pajama and walking dead party. It was just what I needed. A fun night with friends. I decided to make an Oreo cookie cheesecake to bring with me and some wine. On the way home I stopped at BevMo. They are having a 5 cent sale but in addition they are getting rid of some end of vintage stuff. I was able to get $100 of wine for $60. I picked up six bottles which averages out to $10 a bottle versus $17 or $18. Not bad. I was running low in the house and really did want to have some 'drinking' wine around. I now have five bottles left over which honestly should last me a little while. You notice I haven't been drinking like I used to? Not blowing money all over town, not getting myself stupid drunk. Oh, I drank last night, but that was the first time since the 12th of Feb. Almost three full weeks. Not bad, eh? I then stopped at the store to get supplies to make a cheesecake.
It was about 3 or so when I got home and since I knew I would be going out, I wanted to get something accomplished. Namely laundry. That was my first and foremost task for the weekend and needed to get it out of the way. Did laundry, did some house organizing (not cleaning, but junk removal and straightening) and made a cheesecake.
Headed over to their house around 7, bottle of 05 vin de pays d'oc in hand. We had a nice night. There was about seven of us including their kid. We watched Walking Dead, drank but not excessively and shot the shit. It really was exactly what I needed. And yes, I wore pajamas. Sweatshirt and fuzzy pj bottoms with fuzzy socks. Pretty much the uniform of the room. We were all in some type of pj bottom and either t-shirt or sweatshirt.
Got home around 1 doing pretty good. Got up a while ago but have been moving slowly. I needed to get a corned beef cooking first this morning before anything else.
A few more little errands this morning, house cleaning (actual cleaning), and bill paying. All of that before a get together with my meetup group, followed by a show. Busy busy.
While I was there, I got an email from a friend in the old neighborhood. They are going to be doing an expo here in a couple of weeks and they were looking for help to work the booth. In two weeks I will be working a surf expo. Neat.
Left there around 2 and came home to handle household crap. On the way, I got a text from my director. She invited me over to a pajama and walking dead party. It was just what I needed. A fun night with friends. I decided to make an Oreo cookie cheesecake to bring with me and some wine. On the way home I stopped at BevMo. They are having a 5 cent sale but in addition they are getting rid of some end of vintage stuff. I was able to get $100 of wine for $60. I picked up six bottles which averages out to $10 a bottle versus $17 or $18. Not bad. I was running low in the house and really did want to have some 'drinking' wine around. I now have five bottles left over which honestly should last me a little while. You notice I haven't been drinking like I used to? Not blowing money all over town, not getting myself stupid drunk. Oh, I drank last night, but that was the first time since the 12th of Feb. Almost three full weeks. Not bad, eh? I then stopped at the store to get supplies to make a cheesecake.
It was about 3 or so when I got home and since I knew I would be going out, I wanted to get something accomplished. Namely laundry. That was my first and foremost task for the weekend and needed to get it out of the way. Did laundry, did some house organizing (not cleaning, but junk removal and straightening) and made a cheesecake.
Headed over to their house around 7, bottle of 05 vin de pays d'oc in hand. We had a nice night. There was about seven of us including their kid. We watched Walking Dead, drank but not excessively and shot the shit. It really was exactly what I needed. And yes, I wore pajamas. Sweatshirt and fuzzy pj bottoms with fuzzy socks. Pretty much the uniform of the room. We were all in some type of pj bottom and either t-shirt or sweatshirt.
Got home around 1 doing pretty good. Got up a while ago but have been moving slowly. I needed to get a corned beef cooking first this morning before anything else.
A few more little errands this morning, house cleaning (actual cleaning), and bill paying. All of that before a get together with my meetup group, followed by a show. Busy busy.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Y2 D282
There is definitely a good reason why I post in the morning versus the night. If I had written this last night, the tone would be decidedly different. I am in a much lighter mood than I was before going to bed last night. Don't get me wrong, it's not like rainbows and kittens are coming out of my ass this morning, but I am feeling much less self loathing and hateful than I was last night.
It was just one of those days. I went to work at the client in the middle of nowhere only to have insufficient work. If they were right around the corner, I wouldn't mind because then I could just run home until they were ready for me. But no, here I have to make it look like I am occupied even though I am really twiddling my thumbs. It's annoying.
Came home too early. By too early I mean too much time to think. See I got offered tickets to a concert in the city last night from a friend. Free tickets. All I had to do was show up. I wanted to go, but not alone. I told him I would take the tickets and then tried to find someone to go with me. I don't know if it was because it was a Thursday or if it was because it was last minute, but I couldn't find anyone to go with me. Boy that did wonders for my ego. I ended up lying and telling the guy I had to work and he should offer the tickets to someone else.
This of course led into me thinking about the fact that it will six months in a couple of weeks. Six months since I have had any kind of human contact. Forget about sex - this has nothing to do with that. I haven't even kissed a person or held someone's hand in six fucking months. I must be a troll. There must be something wrong with me. No one should be this alone for this long.
It was just one of those days. I went to work at the client in the middle of nowhere only to have insufficient work. If they were right around the corner, I wouldn't mind because then I could just run home until they were ready for me. But no, here I have to make it look like I am occupied even though I am really twiddling my thumbs. It's annoying.
Came home too early. By too early I mean too much time to think. See I got offered tickets to a concert in the city last night from a friend. Free tickets. All I had to do was show up. I wanted to go, but not alone. I told him I would take the tickets and then tried to find someone to go with me. I don't know if it was because it was a Thursday or if it was because it was last minute, but I couldn't find anyone to go with me. Boy that did wonders for my ego. I ended up lying and telling the guy I had to work and he should offer the tickets to someone else.
This of course led into me thinking about the fact that it will six months in a couple of weeks. Six months since I have had any kind of human contact. Forget about sex - this has nothing to do with that. I haven't even kissed a person or held someone's hand in six fucking months. I must be a troll. There must be something wrong with me. No one should be this alone for this long.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Y2 D281
Went to the movies last night by myself. I don't know why people have a problem going to the movies alone. Yes, I can see if it's a Friday or Saturday night and it's a big summer kind of movie, then it's just depressing. But going on a random Wednesday when there are only four other people in the theater is no big deal to me.
Saw Drive Angry with Nicolas Cage. I love that guy; he is so awesome in how he just doesn't care. The movie itself wasn't horrible. I mean it was pretty bad, but I still enjoyed it. It was just plain stupid fun. The only thing that bugged me was the 3d. I don't like movies in 3d. I find wearing the glasses annoying as hell. I also don't understand the concept of having to wear 3d glasses at home to watch television. I hope this is just a fad that will die out soon enough.
Anyway went to a 7pm movie and was home by 9:30. I also was proud of myself for not drinking before hand. I had at least a 1/2 to kill before the start of the movie and one of my past favorite places to drink is right next door to the theater. I did go inside to say hello to the bartender as I haven't seen him in a while, but that was it. I just said hello and then went into the theater. That shows I am making much better decisions these days.
During the day I worked. Got some stuff accomplished for the client. Have to drive out to them today and not looking forward to that, but I will survive. It's almost the weekend. Have a show on Saturday, a meetup group before the show and doing the movie shoot on Sunday. Plus I need to clean my house. This is going to be a busy weekend. I need to also pay rent tonight. Can't forget that or I am screwed.
Ok. Off to work...
Saw Drive Angry with Nicolas Cage. I love that guy; he is so awesome in how he just doesn't care. The movie itself wasn't horrible. I mean it was pretty bad, but I still enjoyed it. It was just plain stupid fun. The only thing that bugged me was the 3d. I don't like movies in 3d. I find wearing the glasses annoying as hell. I also don't understand the concept of having to wear 3d glasses at home to watch television. I hope this is just a fad that will die out soon enough.
Anyway went to a 7pm movie and was home by 9:30. I also was proud of myself for not drinking before hand. I had at least a 1/2 to kill before the start of the movie and one of my past favorite places to drink is right next door to the theater. I did go inside to say hello to the bartender as I haven't seen him in a while, but that was it. I just said hello and then went into the theater. That shows I am making much better decisions these days.
During the day I worked. Got some stuff accomplished for the client. Have to drive out to them today and not looking forward to that, but I will survive. It's almost the weekend. Have a show on Saturday, a meetup group before the show and doing the movie shoot on Sunday. Plus I need to clean my house. This is going to be a busy weekend. I need to also pay rent tonight. Can't forget that or I am screwed.
Ok. Off to work...
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Y2 D280
Sometimes it's easy to get wrapped up in all the stuff we haven't done, versus what we have actually accomplished in our lives. Of course this can be limited by age, wealth, opportunity, etc, but overall when you step back and look at things objectively, sometimes you find you have done more than you have lacked. What brought all this on? Just doing some thinking. Yesterday was mostly benign at work, same old same old. Then when I came home, I ate leftovers, watched House, then sat around thinking.
I have been thinking too much lately about the whole being alone again thing. This makes me wallow in all the things I haven't done, don't have, should have done, etc. And that's kind of when I stopped myself and starting looking at everything I *HAVE* done in my life. And I started looking around the house at everything I *DO HAVE* and I started feeling grateful instead of depressed. Here's a list of just some highlights and things I thought of last night. Now to some not all of these are 'positive' things, but to me they are all important as they shaped who I am today. For that I must acknowledge and respect them as they are life experiences that I wouldn't trade for the world. I am trying to work in chronological order but may jump around a bit.
- Watched a person die. Specifically my mother. At 16.
- Been abused and beaten
- Went to my first concert at 12. And not some random county fair bs. No, a real pople puking around me, girls getting naked, loud ass, rock and roll concert. AC/DC to be specific.
- Had my first job at 15.
- Spent three months homeless.
- Lived alone and had to support myself at 16. Learned how to cook if I wanted to eat, clean if I wanted clothes, pay bills if I wanted lights on
- Been married, twice
- Watched the miracle of birth and learned what unconditional love truly is when my daughter entered this world
- Fuck Charlie Sheen, I have done as much if not more drugs than him. Coke, pot, pills, smack, meth, crank, acid, shrooms, you name it. I have done. And I am still here and walking. AND I have never been 'addicted'. I have never needed a 12 step program or God to stop something. I used my mind. (Sorry, I had to throw that one in.)
- I have traveled to Hong Kong, Indonesia, Singapore, Bahamas, Canada, Mexico, France, England, Belgium, Netherlands, and Japan. And I have the passport stamps to prove it.
- Been to so many states it would be too long to list
- Found a dead body once like in Stand By Me
- Have had a threesome and a foursome
- Been to a sex party/orgy
- Have been so drunk I have blacked out, multiple times
- Played $100 slot machines at Vegas for hours without thinking about the money
- Have blown a $1000 at a blackjack table in 30 minutes
- Have won $1000 at a blackjack table
- Have a pair of $500 jeans that no one else in the world has
- Have more designers in my closet that I will have forever
- Been in a poker tournament
- Had a million dollars in the bank
- Have had zero dollars in the bank
- Have had a $1000 bottle of wine
- Have almost $5000 in wine in the house right now
- Have met Malcolm Young, partied with Godsmack and Tommy Lee, been 20 feet from Marilyn Manson, had box seats for NIN, been 10 feet from Neil Diamond, have met Chicago and ended up backstage with them, been backstage for multiple Ozzy shows, met Rob Zombie, once owned an autographed AC/DC guitar, saw Dio perform with Jimmy Page, saw Metallica before anyone knew who they were, and so many more music related moments it's ridiculous
- Worked on a movie
- Written a book
- Once had Roy Yamaguchi cook me and 8 friends dinner and have the menu, the pictures, and the receipt to prove it
- Been in more limos than most people will ever be in
- Seen live theater, been in live theater, understand live theater
- Have made art, sold art, commissioned art, hung out with artists, have artists as friends right now
- Have eaten things most people will never see in their lives like Foie Gras Ice Cream with a $500 bottle of dessert wine
- Have had sex indoors, outdoors, on camera, and in many more ways than most people can imagine let alone do
- Have worked at startups, big companies, been fired, quit, started my own companies, advised companies, invested in companies
- Can play guitar, own four
- Can play trumpet and piano
- Can speak enough in 17 languages to keep me out of jail and fed
- Have had relationships, one night stands, and everything in between
- Have had velvet ropes setup just for me
- Been fat and now I am not. Have loved my body and hated my body
- Have 11 tattoos and nine piercings
- Have friends who love and accept me no matter what shape I am in or how destructive I am being
- Have met, loved, and lost a brother
- Have known love, lost love, and will know it again
See? Those are just the highlights I can think of off the top of my head! I have lived an INCREDIBLE life. Every time I feel sorry for myself, I just need to look at this and realize that I have lived more in a partial lifetime than most will ever live.
I have been thinking too much lately about the whole being alone again thing. This makes me wallow in all the things I haven't done, don't have, should have done, etc. And that's kind of when I stopped myself and starting looking at everything I *HAVE* done in my life. And I started looking around the house at everything I *DO HAVE* and I started feeling grateful instead of depressed. Here's a list of just some highlights and things I thought of last night. Now to some not all of these are 'positive' things, but to me they are all important as they shaped who I am today. For that I must acknowledge and respect them as they are life experiences that I wouldn't trade for the world. I am trying to work in chronological order but may jump around a bit.
- Watched a person die. Specifically my mother. At 16.
- Been abused and beaten
- Went to my first concert at 12. And not some random county fair bs. No, a real pople puking around me, girls getting naked, loud ass, rock and roll concert. AC/DC to be specific.
- Had my first job at 15.
- Spent three months homeless.
- Lived alone and had to support myself at 16. Learned how to cook if I wanted to eat, clean if I wanted clothes, pay bills if I wanted lights on
- Been married, twice
- Watched the miracle of birth and learned what unconditional love truly is when my daughter entered this world
- Fuck Charlie Sheen, I have done as much if not more drugs than him. Coke, pot, pills, smack, meth, crank, acid, shrooms, you name it. I have done. And I am still here and walking. AND I have never been 'addicted'. I have never needed a 12 step program or God to stop something. I used my mind. (Sorry, I had to throw that one in.)
- I have traveled to Hong Kong, Indonesia, Singapore, Bahamas, Canada, Mexico, France, England, Belgium, Netherlands, and Japan. And I have the passport stamps to prove it.
- Been to so many states it would be too long to list
- Found a dead body once like in Stand By Me
- Have had a threesome and a foursome
- Been to a sex party/orgy
- Have been so drunk I have blacked out, multiple times
- Played $100 slot machines at Vegas for hours without thinking about the money
- Have blown a $1000 at a blackjack table in 30 minutes
- Have won $1000 at a blackjack table
- Have a pair of $500 jeans that no one else in the world has
- Have more designers in my closet that I will have forever
- Been in a poker tournament
- Had a million dollars in the bank
- Have had zero dollars in the bank
- Have had a $1000 bottle of wine
- Have almost $5000 in wine in the house right now
- Have met Malcolm Young, partied with Godsmack and Tommy Lee, been 20 feet from Marilyn Manson, had box seats for NIN, been 10 feet from Neil Diamond, have met Chicago and ended up backstage with them, been backstage for multiple Ozzy shows, met Rob Zombie, once owned an autographed AC/DC guitar, saw Dio perform with Jimmy Page, saw Metallica before anyone knew who they were, and so many more music related moments it's ridiculous
- Worked on a movie
- Written a book
- Once had Roy Yamaguchi cook me and 8 friends dinner and have the menu, the pictures, and the receipt to prove it
- Been in more limos than most people will ever be in
- Seen live theater, been in live theater, understand live theater
- Have made art, sold art, commissioned art, hung out with artists, have artists as friends right now
- Have eaten things most people will never see in their lives like Foie Gras Ice Cream with a $500 bottle of dessert wine
- Have had sex indoors, outdoors, on camera, and in many more ways than most people can imagine let alone do
- Have worked at startups, big companies, been fired, quit, started my own companies, advised companies, invested in companies
- Can play guitar, own four
- Can play trumpet and piano
- Can speak enough in 17 languages to keep me out of jail and fed
- Have had relationships, one night stands, and everything in between
- Have had velvet ropes setup just for me
- Been fat and now I am not. Have loved my body and hated my body
- Have 11 tattoos and nine piercings
- Have friends who love and accept me no matter what shape I am in or how destructive I am being
- Have met, loved, and lost a brother
- Have known love, lost love, and will know it again
See? Those are just the highlights I can think of off the top of my head! I have lived an INCREDIBLE life. Every time I feel sorry for myself, I just need to look at this and realize that I have lived more in a partial lifetime than most will ever live.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Y2 D279
Can you believe it's March 1st? Where the hell is the time going? Seems like just yesterday it was the kid's birthday weekend. That will be a month ago in a couple of days. The upside is since it's March that means I have THREE more child support payments. THREE!! Damn. I can't believe we have reached the end of the line on that. After 17 years I almost done. Holy crap! Yes this is about the eighth time I have mentioned it, but you have to understand, this is the equivalent of paying of a mortgage. Here's something I have paid every single month for the last 17 years. Wow. Almost done.
We ate dinner, watched a movie and then she headed home and I went to bed. Had an interesting dream where I was making out with Jenifer Aniston. Shows you where my head is at. I don't even really like her as an actress, but she was worthy of a makeout session apparently in my dreams.
Went back to the client yesterday. Spent most of the day twiddling my thumbs because this guy just doesn't seem to have the time for me. I am not really complaining because I am essentially getting paid to sit, but it also drives me nuts because I am driving a 100 miles to sit. I can sit just as easily at home. Of course, it's harder to justify a full day's time sitting at home.
Had a friend over for dinner last night. I was craving chicken and waffles and I knew I was going to make way more than I could eat alone. I was right. We had friend chicken, waffles, red beans & rice, greens, and corn bread. I still have enough left over for the week, but I would have had more if she didn't come over. She is very young so get your minds out of the gutter. I was just being a nice guy, nothing more. I needed the company, ok? I am getting pretty damn lonely. I scheduled a meetup for Saturday night just to see if I can have some company. So far 5 people have said they will be there, but I am expecting two. Regardless, it will be nice to go out and socialize. I am looking forward to the weekend. I do have a show Saturday night and a shoot on Sunday, but this will at least add a little something different.
We ate dinner, watched a movie and then she headed home and I went to bed. Had an interesting dream where I was making out with Jenifer Aniston. Shows you where my head is at. I don't even really like her as an actress, but she was worthy of a makeout session apparently in my dreams.
Man, I need to meet someone new soon.
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