Y2 D280

Sometimes it's easy to get wrapped up in all the stuff we haven't done, versus what we have actually accomplished in our lives. Of course this can be limited by age, wealth, opportunity, etc, but overall when you step back and look at things objectively, sometimes you find you have done more than you have lacked. What brought all this on? Just doing some thinking. Yesterday was mostly benign at work, same old same old. Then when I came home, I ate leftovers, watched House, then sat around thinking.

I have been thinking too much lately about the whole being alone again thing. This makes me wallow in all the things I haven't done, don't have, should have done, etc. And that's kind of when I stopped myself and starting looking at everything I *HAVE* done in my life. And I started looking around the house at everything I *DO HAVE* and I started feeling grateful instead of depressed. Here's a list of just some highlights and things I thought of last night. Now to some not all of these are 'positive' things, but to me they are all important as they shaped who I am today. For that I must acknowledge and respect them as they are life experiences that I wouldn't trade for the world. I am trying to work in chronological order but may jump around a bit.

- Watched a person die. Specifically my mother. At 16.
- Been abused and beaten
- Went to my first concert at 12. And not some random county fair bs. No, a real pople puking around me, girls getting naked, loud ass, rock and roll concert. AC/DC to be specific.
- Had my first job at 15.
- Spent three months homeless.
- Lived alone and had to support myself at 16. Learned how to cook if I wanted to eat, clean if I wanted clothes, pay bills if I wanted lights on
- Been married, twice
- Watched the miracle of birth and learned what unconditional love truly is when my daughter entered this world
- Fuck Charlie Sheen, I have done as much if not more drugs than him. Coke, pot, pills, smack, meth, crank, acid, shrooms, you name it. I have done. And I am still here and walking. AND I have never been 'addicted'. I have never needed a 12 step program or God to stop something. I used my mind. (Sorry, I had to throw that one in.)
- I have traveled to Hong Kong, Indonesia, Singapore, Bahamas, Canada, Mexico, France, England, Belgium, Netherlands, and Japan. And I have the passport stamps to prove it.
- Been to so many states it would be too long to list
- Found a dead body once like in Stand By Me
- Have had a threesome and a foursome
- Been to a sex party/orgy
- Have been so drunk I have blacked out, multiple times
- Played $100 slot machines at Vegas for hours without thinking about the money
- Have blown a $1000 at a blackjack table in 30 minutes
- Have won $1000 at a blackjack table
- Have a pair of $500 jeans that no one else in the world has
- Have more designers in my closet that I will have forever
- Been in a poker tournament
- Had a million dollars in the bank
- Have had zero dollars in the bank
- Have had a $1000 bottle of wine
- Have almost $5000 in wine in the house right now
- Have met Malcolm Young, partied with Godsmack and Tommy Lee, been 20 feet from Marilyn Manson, had box seats for NIN, been 10 feet from Neil Diamond, have met Chicago and ended up backstage with them, been backstage for multiple Ozzy shows, met Rob Zombie, once owned an autographed AC/DC guitar, saw Dio perform with Jimmy Page, saw Metallica before anyone knew who they were, and so many more music related moments it's ridiculous
- Worked on a movie
- Written a book
- Once had Roy Yamaguchi cook me and 8 friends dinner and have the menu, the pictures, and the receipt to prove it
- Been in more limos than most people will ever be in
- Seen live theater, been in live theater, understand live theater
- Have made art, sold art, commissioned art, hung out with artists, have artists as friends right now
- Have eaten things most people will never see in their lives like Foie Gras Ice Cream with a $500 bottle of dessert wine
- Have had sex indoors, outdoors, on camera, and in many more ways than most people can imagine let alone do
- Have worked at startups, big companies, been fired, quit, started my own companies, advised companies, invested in companies
- Can play guitar, own four
- Can play trumpet and piano
- Can speak enough in 17 languages to keep me out of jail and fed
- Have had relationships, one night stands, and everything in between
- Have had velvet ropes setup just for me
- Been fat and now I am not. Have loved my body and hated my body
- Have 11 tattoos and nine piercings
- Have friends who love and accept me no matter what shape I am in or how destructive I am being
- Have met, loved, and lost a brother
- Have known love, lost love, and will know it again

See? Those are just the highlights I can think of off the top of my head! I have lived an INCREDIBLE life. Every time I feel sorry for myself, I just need to look at this and realize that I have lived more in a partial lifetime than most will ever live.