Y2 D303

Life takes many twists and turns sometimes.

I look at where I am at right now and when I step back from it all, it's not that bad. Sure I get wrapped up in the drama of the moment, but we all do. Unless you're a zen buddhist monk, you focus on what's in front of you and the things that are affecting you at the moment. It's human nature. But the reality is, my life isn't so bad. Yes, I wish I made more money, but who can't say that? Am I struggling a little bit? Sure, but the bills are paid. I am not getting ahead right now, but things are getting paid. I can live. Not *live* but I live. Am I alone? Yes. Does it bug me? Yes. Do I do anything about it? Not really.

I have been thinking about this one. Maybe on some level I am alone right now because subconsciously I know it's good for me. Figure out me. Figure out what I am doing. Don't get me wrong, I want to get laid. Let's be blunt about that. I want some human contact. I need human physical contact. But I am also enjoying living life on my own terms.

This is nothing new, I know that. It's just good for me when I can recognize what's going on instead of succumbing to the dark side. I would rather embrace things and face them directly than hide behind something. Could I be doing more in terms of putting myself out there? Sure. Could I lower my standards? No. Sorry. Not going to happen. That is one lesson I learned hard and fast last year. Which means I am directly influencing how things turn out right now by my own actions and choices. It's not the universe or god or any of that bullshit. It's me. I do things right now that give me social interaction because if I didn't have that then things would be a lot worse. But I do and it's keeping me going. I am talking to J66 which is keeping my ego and spirits afloat. It's all good I guess is what I am trying to say…

I did get a nice surprise yesterday. The folks who I helped at the surf show over the weekend told me to pick out any one of the custom skateboards he has designed. I now have a bitchin' skateboard on its way to me. This was so unnecessary but also really cool. If it ever fucking stops raining, I might be able to use it. Plus I was able to buy a new video game yesterday. I picked up Lego Star Wars III. What can I say? If it's Lego, if it's Star Wars, or the holy combination of both, I am buying it. Played for about an hour last night. So far so good. I opted out of buying the guide book for it because I figure somebody has already done a full walkthrough online. Once I have played through enough, I will go and get all the little stuff I missed.

I do think that the weather is directly influencing how I am feeling. I see pictures of the weather in my old town and it's gorgeous. Here we have flooded streets and I can't function without a heater. Bleh. Until the sun comes out I am also trying to be good and not listen to the music that would drive my mood further into a spin.

Dinner last night was wonderful. I made myself some grilled sardines, olives, baked cheese, french bread, and fruit. Man it was good. Noshed while I played. A perfect night for me.

Today I am light on work unless my client finishes some stuff. He is frustrating me. He has too much on his plate. But as long as my bosses get that, I am cool. Plus I don't have to leave the house with this guy. Makes things good. Mostly.