Y3 D18

I did something yesterday and magically the world didn't end! Well if it did, it doesn't look any different. Does this mean I don't have to go to work today? Oh no wait, nope, world is still here...

What did I do? Something I should have done two years ago. I went through some boxes that have been in the kid's room forever. In those boxes were old pictures, christmas/birthday/anniversary/valentines etc cards. I went through and separated pictures that don't belong to me to send back to X2's family, and then started throwing out the rest. The irony of the exercise was I found more cards I had given to HER than the other way around. On top of that, I kept noticing how often I was apologizing for one thing or another - 'sorry about that fight', 'sorry I did this/that/the other thing'. That's just not right. And I am not talking any particular time period, it was over a good decade worth of stuff. Here I am apologizing or trying to make her feel better. Fuck that. Some days I beat myself in the head for not seeing the signs on the wall sooner. I am so damn afraid of being alone forever that I take the abuse. At least I used to be. Even if I never have another relationship again, I *might* be able to handle it now. Might. Don't like the thought, but it also doesn't paralyze me (right this moment) and cause me to be with someone just because. I am coming up on nine months 100% alone and well, it is what it is.

Part of the reason for going through the boxes was to make room for the kid. She needs to finish getting her room together and that's one of her tasks for the week. She now has no excuses. That was the extent of our day yesterday. I ran an errand to replace a broken ironing board, but otherwise didn't leave the house. Did an online Driver's School training class that I have been procrastinating about. Still have 40% left and need to finish it tonight.

We started in watching X-Files last night. We plan to watch all 202 episodes in order. 3 down.

Off to work. Let another week begin.