Y3 D54

You see my heart is racing because this shit never happens to me. CAN'T BREATHE RIGHT NOW...


Okay, I am on a precipice. I am on that delicate balance between having fun and fucking up. The difference this time is that I am catching it early. I see it -- and I am going to be smart about it. I will NOT make the same mistakes this time. I will not let the little head think for the big head. I will not get cocky. I will be grateful, thankful, and enjoy it all for what it is while keeping focus on what's important -- the kid, the job, the sanity.

I do find it amusing that not more than, what two? three? days after I post about realizing I need to move forward that my confidence does return and look at what happened. And guess what, it happened again last night. Only the one this time thank goodness. I trained all day and that went well according to the client daily feedback sheets. There were no bad comments or anything inappropriate. Good. After the class we did a happy hour with a few of the students and one in particular was having a great time. He was a dog off his leash on a beach full of bitches in heat. He was just letting loose and going at it. Him and I hit it off of course. I am taking him out Wednesday night. After happy hour one of the sales guys and I took one of the other clients out for dinner. It was me, the sales guy, one of our engineers and four folks from the client. Everyone had a good time, good food, good wine. I was right on the cusp but kept myself in check (I hope? I think? We shall find out today when I walk back into the classroom). After dinner one of the guys still wanted to go out. He's 23 and the rest of the folks he was with are my age. I happened to get a text from LO2 saying she was up in the city with friends and they were going to Dethgild - a goth industrial club that actually the kid wants to go to. So I grab the client, get a ride from the sales guy and off to the club we go. LO2 is out front waiting for us with her friends. I was in full Peter Murphy mode. Unlike the other club I go to, these kids knew me for what I was and that I was the kind of guy who was doing this shit before they were born, but it was my kind of place. The five of us grab a booth and I go off to get a drink. When I get back the client is gone. I start freaking out because I lost the client. I am trying to figure out how the fuck I am going to explain this in the morning but finally just go with it. We decided to leave around 11:30 and as we are heading to the car I hear this 'HEY THERE YOU ARE!'. Here comes the client drunker than shit stumbling towards us. He is talking about how he met these cool folks and was hanging with them at the pizza place next door. Okay, crisis averted. We get him back to his hotel and then LO2 and I get a ride back to my place. We are in bed before midnight. By bed I mean having sex. BUT I knew I couldn't fuck up. I had to keep it together and made sure we were up and out by 5:30. There was some blood on the sheets and we both were trying to figure out whose it was. I put her on a train home and I took a train in to the office. Now here it is 7:30, I am looking okay except for the bruise on my neck which I have a Rockstar against right now. My clothes are clean, I smell okay, and I am ready to go. HERE'S where I need to watch it -- nothing of what happened last night will come up today. Period. I will be professional and ready to work. Wish me luck.

LO2 and I are seeing each other again Thursday. We had a good talk last night about what we are doing and it seems like we are on the same page. Let's see how that goes.