Y3 D275

I must be getting better in more ways than one. Yesterday I was talking to a friend and they mentioned that X2 had come up on their LinkedIn dashboard because she had updated some info. Seems she is the founder of a new company. Good for her. It doesn't bug me like it would have in the past. Matter of fact, I really don't care. The only thing that gets to me and it always will, is how she was able to start a new life and I haven't been able to yet. She walked away with no child obligations, no house issues, no job issues, no debt issues, just put the past behind and walk away. I didn't nor do I think I will ever, have that luxury. That frustrates me. But it would frustrate me no matter who it was - not just her. I love the kid very much but there are truly some days where I wish she had gone off to a regular college and was living on campus somewhere. It would have been good for her and me both. I don't think that's being mean either. It's just being honest. When she moves out, I do feel my life will change as I will have more options available to me. I can walk away from everything at that point. Part of that also has to do with how tired I am of my profession. I truly am. I wish some days I was in a different industry. It must be nice to be in something you love and can excel at simultaneously. Me? I am good at what I do but meh, I wouldn't mind something else. The day will come. I know it will. I just need to survive until then.

Yesterday I was onsite for a client. Nice to be doing something again. Something productive at that. I got out there about 6:45 and worked until 4:30. A good solid day. Granted I spent a large portion sitting around waiting for data, but a good day nonetheless. Met TGF for dinner. That was really nice. I found a special online for a fondue place near her house. Dinner for two for $60 for four courses. Not too shabby. We had a gruyere and onion appetizer, salads, then they do the entree on lava rocks. We had pork tenderloin and a veggie platter. The pork was good, but we both agree if we go there again to not do the veggies. The rocks cook them too quickly. For dessert white chocolate bananas foster fondue. The best part is whenever you do fondue it's going to be a slow paced dinner and this one went for two hours. We had a nice time relaxing and talking.

Every time I think we are not good for each other, we have a nice dinner or adventure that reminds me WHY we are together. We actually enjoy each other's company. You know we haven't had sex in over a week? Not because of any mysterious reason - first we were out of town with other people around, then with school and work and dance, then her period. So it's not like we don't want to, we just haven't been able to, yet here we are - still enjoying each other and having fun. So anyone who says we are just in it for the sex can go screw themselves. I know in some ways there is something unhealthy about our relationship but read paragraph one again - I want a new life. I want to make up for all the mistakes I made the other times. I want to do things right. This is the closest way I feel that I can. Otherwise I am going to have a boring life where I do nothing right and end up a pile of dust...