The thought of leaving caste is weighing heavily on me. I truly feel like I am not having fun any more and because of TGF I am not welcome any more. That's the hardest part - I refuse to break up with someone who brings me joy because someone else doesn't like them and is pushing me out of the circle because of it. Not to mention I have been ostracized for not doing this last special show that happened. Excuse me for actually having a real job and for not being available. I was kind of 3000 miles away. Sorry if I am not one of your golden children. Then I watch someone else try to sneak in and take over thinking I wouldn't notice. Part of me just wants to tell them go for it. Let's see if you can do any better because I know you can't. I know you will just alienate people and cause more people to leave in the long run.
This is how I spent my day yesterday - thinking about stupid shit that doesn't really matter. I was stressed out all day dreading today. I have something coming in the mail and I am pretty certain it's from the goddamn IRS. I came home to a notice of delivery with signature required. This pretty much always means a letter from them. It's to be delivered today and I am scared to death of what it might say.
Stayed inside yesterday. TGF got up around 9 and we hung out relaxing. She took off around 1 and I spent the rest of the day playing video games and watching Buffy/Angel. That was my day.
FUCK I AM STRESSED OUT. I can't afford to lose anything else. I don't have the energy to fight the government. I have no clue what to do next. Between this, cast issues, work slowing down and some other stuff in my head...
I just want to end it.
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