The heat has finally broken. It was just around 84 yesterday. We had no AC on all day. Thank heavens. And it is supposed to stay broken for a while. Mid 70s all week and then in the 60s for us in Canada.
Is this what I am resigned to? Talking about the fucking weather?
Here's what's really going on - I am back in a depression cycle. I have felt this way since Thursday. I don't fucking know why. Maybe it was the negative feedback from the client. Maybe it is that I just got paid and it's already gone. I don't fucking know.
What I do know is I just am apathetic to everything and hate the human race. I don't want to talk to anyone, don't want to put on the smiling face. I wish I could drown myself in vodka and cigarettes but I can't do that any more. Not if I want to live to see 50. That doesn't help either. Fifty fucking years old almost. Just a couple of years away. A number I never thought I would see. I'm not where I thought I would be at 50 that's for damn sure. What do you want from life? Well you can't have that...
We went downtown yesterday. B wanted a book that was only at the big bookstore. She ended up getting four. I can't discourage or shoot down reading. Then we had lunch. The train was packed too. They are running fewer trains because of the construction. It was packed. It smelled bad.
Got home and she napped. Had Mexican for dinner. That was pretty good. Watched some TV. Went to fucking bed. This is your life. And it's disappearing one precious minute at a time.
Have to do laundry today. Might pack. Might not. Depends on how I feel. Might stick my head in the oven. Oh wait. We have electric.
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